Toni Payne is letting go of all Bitterness & Hate between her and ex-husband 9ice

Toni Payne

Toni Payne and her ex-husband, 9ice, had a particularly messy breakup when they separated 6 years ago.

They got divorced after 18 months of marriage and details of their marriage (and divorce) was played out messily in the media.

In a bid to move forward from the past, Toni Payne shared these tweets on Twitter stating that there was no resentment between them and that they made a good team while they lasted.

She wrote:

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She also added on her website:

It has been a good 6 years and now I can categorically say I have let go of all bitterness and hate I felt for a man I once loved. It has been an uphill journey but to find myself here is a blessing.

Without getting into detail and backtracking too much, I’ll summarize it as a lot of naivety, a lot of bad decisions, and a lot of untrained media professionals ready to blow things out of proportion. A man sang a song and for whatever reason known to them, Nigerian Media “professionals” decided to tag it as what it was not, and a lot of Nigerian onlookers decided to help spread it without knowing if it was true or not and unfortunately for me, I was caught in the crossfire. A lot of people formed opinions about me, some even hate me till today for something that was mere fiction. Such is life right?

Till today, I still wonder how things got that far. I wonder how things got so nasty. I wonder how a once beautiful relationship turned so sour so quickly.

These days, we talk – a lot. We talk about what happened and how we got here. These days, we can now joke and laugh about the past. I ask a lot of questions because I really want to understand him and put myself in his shoes. I also hope he understands my every reaction and puts himself in my shoes.

Through all the mess, we never really talked deeply about things. There was too much resentment on my side for me to want to allow him in. There was too much bitterness in my soul to ever want to forgive. I honestly never thought this day would come – that is how angry I was. There is a Yoruba proverb that states “when the ocean rises, you don’t rise to meet it.” For every action there is a reaction and for every reaction there are consequences.

I think sometimes, when you are finally in a good place, it is good to talk. Don’t just leave things like that, reach out to each other and talk about things. It is good for both parties to get closure. It is good to try to understand each other and move on with peace in your heart.

He stands by his reasoning that he never mentioned my name or ever accused me of such, and even though I agree with him that he never accused me of anything, I stand by my reasoning that he still should have defended me against a very wicked rumor. He argues that he felt it would have escalated things, I argue that things got escalated because he did not speak up.

We both believed in our decisions at that point. He felt silence was the best answer, I felt I needed to defend myself for posterity sake. At the end of the day, it is what it is. When the noise calms, we still have to deal with each other. When the curtains fall, we still need to have each others best interest at heart.

I am not perfect but I can categorically say I did my best to be a good woman to him. I still do. I believe deep down inside, he knows this. I do all possible best never to speak ill of him publicly – and as far as I know, he does the same for me.

After everything we went through, I always say it is best to keep your private life private. I write this today not to deviate from that but it would be unfair to forgive wholesomely for something that was so “Public” while leaving the impression that I have not. I know a lot of people think I hate him- I don’t!.

I also write this today not to bring up the past but to go on record and let anyone that feels bitter inside know that it only gets better. Trust me, if I can move on from an entire nation thinking I cheated when I did not, you can also forgive whomever hurt you. Just let love and kindness in your heart. Bitterness is a heavy weight to carry and now I feel 100 times lighter.

I believe the younger ones can learn a lot from our errors and most importantly learn about forgiveness. In life, we can only predict what we want from it, we can never ever guess 100% what it will give us. I spent so many years caring what others think till I realized in this life, the opinion of others is just that – an opinion. I believe I am starting my 2016 off in the right direction. I hope to work on forgiving others who contributed to this chapter in my story. I believe this is a great place to start. At the end of the day, we are family and I am eternally grateful for the grace to see this day.

Cheers to 2016 – whoop whoop..  lol

31 Comments on Toni Payne is letting go of all Bitterness & Hate between her and ex-husband 9ice
  • Jeanne January 5, 2016 at 11:45 pm

    Sipping tea while i wait for comments to roll in

  • Lady January 5, 2016 at 11:48 pm

    I think Toni has been beaten by Adelle’s song ‘Hello’

  • ty January 5, 2016 at 11:49 pm

    good for you….. and im happy you are in a better space. sometimes when i see pictures of either of you that nasty fight comes to my mind and wish you guys well. people had a lot to say about you guys. forgiveness is key

  • Lady January 5, 2016 at 11:49 pm

    Adele*

  • jasmine January 5, 2016 at 11:54 pm

    I totally understand what she’s going thru. Most times, people think it’s easy to move on forgetting that those memories do come back and comes with tears, you did the right thing Toni. You will be fine

  • December Wind January 5, 2016 at 11:55 pm

    2016 the year of thirstiness on social media … The struggle is real . Madam Toni we’ve noticed you but honestly , with all that has happened lately , we don’t have the time to reflect or dig into your past …move on already if you truly have let go

    • ATL’s finest January 6, 2016 at 2:08 am

      Hahhaha lol don’t be mean it’s just too early for that. But come to think of it, u are right tho. I didn’t even know they were once married or who she was ( Ouch where d F** have ATL’s finest been?) Well oh well it’s ok Toni who knows years down the line, y’all could be a greater and closer team and re-marry again 🙂 Just ask Nene Leeks & her hubby Greg.

      • ATL’s finest January 6, 2016 at 2:11 am

        And of course Tu baba & Annie Idibia

    • Rose Okwy February 4, 2016 at 8:32 pm

      LET ME GET this straight, you don’t have her time yet you still had time to write about this?, ngwa osiso osiso hanlele kiakia waka pass now! SMDH

  • Lalaf January 6, 2016 at 12:38 am

    Seems like this is the year everyone is going to try and convince us that they are a victim on social media, Instagram, bbm status message, Facebook or insta quotes. Moral of the story, we all go through things, don’t expect anyone to pity you, unless they have ur time. Move on, no one really cares, just be stronger

    • nene+ January 6, 2016 at 8:12 am

      I truely liked this couple! I felt they complemented each other! I felt Nice needed Toni and vice versa! Sorry Nice but Toni brought some sophistication I tot. I also heard the rumour and was disappointed. One day I listened to Toni on women program on a radio station and all her speech was that she would have made a better decision but for her young self! She had this love still for Nice and wished she could reverse the clock in my understanding. We all do wrong youthful decisions don’t we? Hmmmmmmm don’t know what to say but who knows? Annie and Tuface might play out.

  • Toriola January 6, 2016 at 3:42 am

    Mmm. All I have to say is outsiders cannot break a home that didn’t already have cracks in it. As the song goes : ♫ When a man loves a woman . . . She can do no wrong, Turn his back on his best friend, If he put her down ♫
    Tabloids couldn’t have poured sand in your garri if your ex-hubby didn’t leave it out on the the street.

  • comment January 6, 2016 at 5:23 am

    Aunty Toni, u’re the one talking about keeping private life private, yet u’re still the one coming to gist us that u both now talk a lot. Ok, continue to use ur hand to remove ur dress from ur body o. When people start talking again I hope it won’t take u another 6years sha.

  • Daizzy January 6, 2016 at 5:45 am

    Didn’t she let go of the bitterness some years back? Or is it every other year she is letting go? Please move on already! Everyone has and even the undeserving man has! All these cries and need to stay relevant on social media is becoming annoying!

  • Puzzles January 6, 2016 at 7:53 am

    Toni, it haff do naw.

    You want to move on? Then never talk about it unless you are asked in an interview and even at that, just say “it’s all in the past. I’ve moved on.” End of discussion.

    You don’t see guys coming on social media to talk about how they’ve moved on from particular ladies, do you?

    Make we ladies respect ourselves o jare.

  • ese January 6, 2016 at 8:07 am

    Waiting for Sophie or Davido’s ‘letting go’/forgiveness epistle in the nearest future. *sips henessy*

    • Sugar January 6, 2016 at 9:33 am

      I’m waiting for Sophie and Davido’s wedding. Never say NEVER!

  • OMODON .B. JESSICA January 6, 2016 at 8:09 am

    All the best girl

  • Babe January 6, 2016 at 8:20 am

    Good for you. I am genuinely pleased. But we aren’t going to your website to read about it. This is stale gist. Biko keep your private life private. Don’t come and start claiming victim again soon……All you supposed PR gurus trying to stay relevant and increase traffic on your website.

  • coke January 6, 2016 at 9:05 am

    Snr Toni as hard as it seems, you really need to stop loving yesterday so that you can heal in its true sense.

  • Reeadict till infinity January 6, 2016 at 9:51 am

    Wise people forgive easily, but they don’t forget easily, bcos they don’t want to play the victim again. Talk is constant…side talks r constant this simply means no matter how u try to be a good person, some pple will still say nasty things abt u whether dey r true or false. then y do u disturb urself over sth that is constant? We only owe God Almighty an explanation abt how we live our life…leave ur life n wait for that day to come for u to explain.

  • Uber bella January 6, 2016 at 9:53 am

    Forgiveness is part of letting go and moving on. There were once married so she can’t be expected to just stop loving him just like that. Wish her all the best.

  • Bella January 6, 2016 at 10:36 am

    oh Goodness, so is this girl saying that for the past 6 years your life has been on stale mate? na wa oooo, make us hear word jo, and all this while, your ex boo has said nothing ? Ladies, biko, 2016, is here, get a journal if you feel the need to air your dirty laundry, not the internet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ha ba. this is old and annoying and to be honest, we ALL had forgotten you was once married to the guy na! 6 years of bitterness, chai, it don do!! what a waste of your time that you wont ever get back! no person is ever worth that time, so God forbid, how long will you stay in this matter if it was your own flesh and blood. 6 years over A MAN! MBA NO!!!

  • Abeesolah January 6, 2016 at 12:13 pm

    When I first read this yesterday I was like ‘what?this woman is still on this issue after 6yrs?Even after 9ice don remarry?Then I now said to myself eyah even me self I’m still in love with my first love after 18 yrs,despite bn married to different pple with kids.So Toni I won’t blame u much.Just release urself,try and love someone else.That might help u forget the past.

  • l January 6, 2016 at 12:24 pm

    i swear people should keep their dirty laundry from social media!!!
    when people need approval from social media then is all BS. why couldn’t you decide without posting it on instagram? or anywhere…..

  • Why? January 6, 2016 at 12:24 pm

    Hmnnnn! Within those six years that u were finding closure and being emotional. 9ice had twin girls with the lady in Abuja a few years back , 9ice also had a daughter more recently with another popular lady just before contesting for one electoral position in Ogbomosho or so last year.
    Babe pull yourself together as hard as it may seem , because you need not seek closure now in 2016, it’s obvious 9ice aka ex-husband moved on long time ago.
    You are a young woman , beautiful and with a lovely son . Any new man that wants you will not dwell on your past. And if u havent already , Move on with you life.

  • mulikat January 6, 2016 at 1:18 pm

    Toni,6ys,move on.

  • prince January 6, 2016 at 1:40 pm

    For me I still think the best way to deal with this issue is keep your private life ‘PRIVATE’. Look at Ramsey Noah for example, I don’t know his wife nor children.
    Celebrities flaunt everything including their privacy and the media also should learn to do the right thing

  • ‘Deola January 6, 2016 at 1:45 pm

    K’Olorun ko wa mo se. May God endow us with wisdom on how to handle our affairs. Great reflective piece. It is wonderful that you have found the generousity within you to forgive and move on. Life is what it is. It has to be lived and too precious to shut onself down to a standstill. I know you have been onto other interesting things in life, but please give yourself opportunities to love again and live life wholly. It is what it is and you owe no one no apologies. MIstakes are part of life and growing up. I know I’m not perfect and I can’t expect perfection from others.

  • oluwayomi January 18, 2016 at 10:27 am

    this is touching and i really feel for u dear toni , just move on and i pray you see someone that will be better of , you will be fine and as for those mumu sending in annoying comments , keep it up , i pray u also fall in her shoes one day so you can know how it feels to be heartbroken

  • Daisy January 18, 2016 at 11:00 am

    This Toni just too love 9ice -, kilode is it honey coated. After 6 years nitori Olohun………… Pls madam go and get yourself laid, mtchewwwww

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