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BN Hot Topic: The Best Break Up Ever!

Glory Edozien

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In today’s world where people are jumping off bridges to meet the mate of their dreams, people are still breaking up! Believe it or not, but not everyone you see holding hands at the cinema is actually in a loving committed relationship. Some people are actually plotting for the best time to wave goodbye to their partner.

A friend of mine recently split up with her boyfriend of 3 months. According to her, he had way too many annoying habits and she just couldn’t put up with them any longer. While I don’t begrudge her reasons for breaking up with the said boyfriend, I did find her break up tactics a bit novel. She just stopped picking up his calls. The poor guy even tried coming to see her at home and she instructed everyone in her house to always tell him she was out! Two weeks later and the dude got the message. The phone calls and unannounced visits stopped. When I questioned her further about what seemed to me an unfair way to sever ties with another human being, she informed me that her method of breaking up was the best because it avoids the unnecessary emotional discussion of “it’s not you, it’s me”. I disagreed.

However, after my conversation with my friend, I started thinking about what really is the best way to break up with someone? Technically, a breakup usually affects parties differently. The person initiating the breakup, in most cases, is usually in a better position than the one receiving the breakup news. Particularly in situations when the other party assumed things were going on well. So given that at least one party will always walk away from a broken relationship hurt, is there really a ‘good’ way of delivering bad news?

Personally, I always believe in communication. I think it’s always good to give the other party a chance to know why you have reached the decision and as well give them a chance to say their own two cents. I also think breakups should always, where possible, be done in person. No over-the-phone, e-mail or BB breakups! That’s just plain rude! But I am an idealist, and I know not everyone agrees with me.

So what do you guys think? Is there really a good way of breaking up with someone? Have any of your exes been less than generous in their methods of ending your relationship? Have any of your breakup plans backfired?

Let’s Discuss!!!!!

Glory is the host and executive producer of Inspire Series, the web talk show which uses the collective stories of everyday women to inspire others. She believes women are more than hand bags, hair, make-up and other externalities and is passionate about about pursuing purpose and living above societal conformities. She is also a day dreamer, and romantic at heart who loves TV, food and family. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @inspiredbyglory and read more from her on www.inspiredbyglory.com

113 Comments

  1. Demeaor

    December 3, 2010 at 10:22 am

    First comment yay!

    • unique

      December 3, 2010 at 7:32 pm

      what is in this regular (statement or comment) being the first to comment. Is bella going to give forumites an award for being the first to comment? I get to see it always and I really don´t understand it. To me it sound so childish

    • Mature

      December 3, 2010 at 9:56 pm

      thank you Unique! you couldnt have said it better.. its so childish.. YAYY first to comment!!! who cares ?

    • ChiefExecutiveOmoIta

      December 3, 2010 at 10:17 pm

      It’s just blogger tradition. It also adds to the blogville hype, get over it!

    • newbie

      April 5, 2012 at 3:28 pm

      I am new to this web site so apologies if I am flogging a dead horse but- I have seen this irritating “first to comment, yay!” business so often I’m wondering if I missed the proverbial memo. If you want to ‘yay’ us, at least drop a real comment after your victory dance. “First to comment”, IS NOT a comment.

  2. anne

    December 3, 2010 at 10:28 am

    If u break up via communication,its more difficult cuz the person ur breaking up with will keep pleading wt u and doing what I call “emotional blackmail”

    • OgeN

      December 29, 2010 at 2:38 am

      i could not agree more. Why go through all that when you can save yourself the stress

    • God's annointed

      May 26, 2011 at 7:14 pm

      It doesn’t have to be face to face, but other than being good manners….its the right thing to do. If you cannot be respectful and considerate enough to communicate the reasons to the other party, then you may not really be ready to be in a relationship WITH ANYONE for that matter. Relationships are all about compromise, even if you no longer have feelings for that person it doesn’t prevent you from respectfully ending the relationship. If after that the person feeling the need to flood your phone with calls and show up unexpectedy….feel free to do the needful

  3. nnenna

    December 3, 2010 at 10:28 am

    I think a break-up is best done face to face.that way you get to discuss the issues and hopefully part ways as friends.I believe you should never burn bridges in life.sending a text message or ignoring calls is just plain childish and unecessary.you should be able to sit down with your soon to be ex and break up with him/her especially since you once supposedly were in love

    • partyrider

      December 4, 2010 at 9:09 pm

      “soon to be EX”…lol
      i like d sound of dat

  4. candy

    December 3, 2010 at 10:30 am

    i had a friend who was physically abused for 4 years by her man and she was so afraid to leave everytime she tried to leave she was beaten and threatened not quite an ideal relationship eventually she sent this guy a message and told him off and when he called that he wanted to see her but she asked him to come to a place where people would be so he would not have the balls to hit her in public the guy saw the trap and did not disturb her again as a matter of fact he apologised continiously to her(something he would never do) it worked and today she is happy, sometimes the situation calls for gsm break up but i am a woman who would never take anything less than i deserve from anyman if you do nonsense you get nonsense i will end it in person without fear shikena 10/10.

  5. Beibe

    December 3, 2010 at 10:33 am

    I agree totally with letting a person know why he/she is been dumped. at least it affords him/her the opportunity for change “if possible”.

  6. Ronnie

    December 3, 2010 at 10:36 am

    The best way to break up is usually through an in-person heart-to-heart talk. Whether you do this in public or in private is up to you.
    Remember, you need to be firm with your decision to break up and stick with it. Don’t let it drag on for days and weeks as this could cause more friction between you two. If you’re a hundred percent decided on ending relationship, then let the person know.
    Be honest with your reasons on why you think you’re both better off apart. You have to remember that no matter how long the duration of the relationship was, you still shared a special feeling with that person. And the least that person could hope for is the real reason why you’re breaking up.
    Be optimistic for the both of you. You should accept that the relationship has ended but know that you will still find love in other people. By knowing this, you both will be able to move on with no excess baggage and bitterness.
    x

  7. Kayo

    December 3, 2010 at 10:37 am

    I agree with u Gloria. I belive that break-ups should be done maturedly. U never can tell if u’ll meet the person later in life. I subscribe to face to face break-up. And yes, i think the other party deserves a chance to know why him/her is being broken up with.

    • LeighJoy

      December 6, 2010 at 12:25 am

      yes i was going to say that the person would just be wondering WHY?! WHY?! so just a clean, concise CUT seems to be better & the awkwardness of the whole situation is part & parcel of relationships & life’s experiences!

  8. kehnie

    December 3, 2010 at 10:58 am

    my ex said he doesnt think he love me enough,anyway dats is loss.

  9. lol

    December 3, 2010 at 10:58 am

    Some people are so thick, its like talking to a brickwall to breakup with them. These days of BBs, mobile phones, fb are good ways for such category of people but yes I believe the most ideal way is f2f communication but if it doesn’t work nothing wrong in reverting to the methods mentioned earlier.

    • Uju

      December 4, 2010 at 5:38 am

      BB and Facebook??? lmao .. Epic .. FUNNY BUT SO UNFAIR

  10. Temiloluwa Adebayo

    December 3, 2010 at 11:00 am

    I guess every relationship differs. Sometimes, the way your friend handled it might be the best way. Sometimes, its better to sit and talk. Being that your friend was only with him for 3 months, I can understand why she does not feel any guilt about breaking up that way. Face to face break up is good oh but mehn, it is not always necessary. What if it was a long distance relationship, for example. Break ups should be handled on a case by case basis. No hard and fast rule.

  11. tbn

    December 3, 2010 at 11:10 am

    Personally for me how to break up with a man depends on the circumstance surrounding the break up and the temprament of the guy I’m breaking up with. I must say that no man has ever broken up with me because I did the breaking up (in those days, now I’m happily married). As I said my method depends on the circumstances- I’ve broken up with a guy by talking with him and letting him know we can’t work and have to move on without each other, that’s because I know he is a good guy and the least I shd do was to sit him down and let him know. However for some other guys who I didn’t think so much of, I resorted to your friend’s method of ignoring him, I stopped calling, going to his house and seeing him until he got the message and let me be. So I’m a believer in the flexibility of the method of a breakup. Am I the first to comment? I don’t see any other comment here, if so yay! (Or not, who cares? :))

    • Temiloluwa Adebayo

      December 3, 2010 at 11:35 am

      [email protected] the first comment ‘yay’ and ‘who cares’. You are funny. iConcur with you sha. It all depends…

    • bukkieblaze

      December 3, 2010 at 9:43 pm

      I concur with you too,it all depends…..

  12. Oma

    December 3, 2010 at 11:14 am

    Exactly,relationships are dynamic so break ups should also be.
    there really is no defined or right or wrong way to.
    Choose the best method for you whilst considering the other parties emotion.
    but when you break up;dont carry any baggage.
    let it go or you will end up having an emotional hangover like i did last weekend.
    Read all about it.
    http://lifethroughomaseyes.blogspot.com

  13. TumTum

    December 3, 2010 at 11:24 am

    I broke up with my ex exactly the same way as your friend did Glory – ignored his phone calls and texts! I did feel somewhat bad and I do agree that it is an immature way to end a relationship. I just came to a point where I had lost respect for him as a person and could not even afford him the decency of a mature break up. And I definitely did not want to remain friends with his ass…

    • Nana

      December 3, 2010 at 1:43 pm

      Personally, I think its always best to discuss / communicate reasons with the person; it prevents any form of unnecessary evil such as hatred & unnecessary gossip.

  14. marezi

    December 3, 2010 at 11:47 am

    Im the kind of person that when my mind is made up about something its hard to be reversed. Like Anne said ‘the person you’re breaking up with will keep on pleading n all, so what i’ve done in the past is to start by ignoring some calls, reduce my own call rate, stop saying mooshy things like ‘i love n miss u’ gradually he gets the message. And bcos there is this distance in communication it becomes easier to break-up!

  15. ochella

    December 3, 2010 at 11:54 am

    Break ups are hard and truly ther is no best way to break up with someone.
    However i believe that there are better ways to do things. Just because a relationship was three months doesnt mean a girl has to be so immature. What if someone broke up with her like that? I believe that if your reasons for breaking up are genuine then you would go about it with with alot of maturity. and use an appropriate method which for me is face to face except in cases of abuse or long distance.
    My two cents.

  16. sola

    December 3, 2010 at 12:09 pm

    Guys its not been immature…..i tell you, most of this guys will emotionally blackmail you into staying so they can show you later. i broke up with an ex face 2 face by telling him i was seeing someone else(it was a lie the guy told me he forgave me and we should move on….WTF! i siply stopped picking his calls after that and he got the message!….so much for maturity.

    • Miss ATL

      December 3, 2010 at 2:59 pm

      *dead* @ he forgives you and wants to move on!!!!

    • Jade82

      December 3, 2010 at 5:54 pm

      Lol @ forgave u that is emotional blackmail girl…thank God u figured that out…Cos some dudes have that ego of “i broke it up”…like say dem dey carry AWARD for that.

  17. Jay

    December 3, 2010 at 12:10 pm

    I think face to face hurts the most! Imagine going over to see your boyfriend and you think you guys are going to have the best of times. Only to find out he called you over to break up with you? That’s deep.

    • Jade82

      December 3, 2010 at 6:03 pm

      @ Jay i hear that but then again it’s better to have it happen so you aren’t wasting time with an idiot. At that moment u feel so bad and hurt but with time you realize that God wants something better for you. F2F is better to discuss and iron out the differences; however, email, text, or calls depend on the distance my dear.

  18. random

    December 3, 2010 at 12:18 pm

    @marezi..i totally concur with u, i’m that way as well….when my mind is made up dere’s no going back…

  19. arewa

    December 3, 2010 at 12:52 pm

    Breaking up f2f isn’t dat easy though! but a girl is gat to do wat a girl is gat to do! either way just break up anyway u feel comfi with..

  20. mariaah

    December 3, 2010 at 1:07 pm

    @ Marerzi am with you on when my mind is made up there’s no going back… I met some guy like that, had some on & off gig with him (actually just snogging and few “dates”). He was fun to be with, met his bro & fiance(who liked me and ish) but my guy no wan surrender. Today He’s interested, tomorrow nko mba!Shio, I just waka!. On the morning of the eve my birthday, I just woke and said “you know what, am done with this s**t!” Went to his place and said “I cn’t do this anymore, leave me alone, no calls/txt/email/msn nothing (he said I was wicked).. Felt so free that day walked off seeing myself as Angelina Jolie in wanted..haha!!! Today am happy in a 1yr plus relationship, to think that it happened last yr..
    Mode of breakup depends though, if you know the guy’s blood is hot! Don’t try F2F call/txt/BB/FB…

  21. Oladips

    December 3, 2010 at 1:26 pm

    Jerk Move
    Charles: Hey lola meet Tomi , My new girlfriend .
    Lola: Charles I dont understand, I thought i was your girlfriend
    Charles: Yup, you were.

    • sweetie

      December 3, 2010 at 3:54 pm

      JESU!!!! charles is a wicked somebody, thats so mean

  22. Ib

    December 3, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    LOL…Mariaah u are funny
    Is it just me or are the men are not saying anything?OK men,what do u think is the best break-up method?

  23. dabusta

    December 3, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    Why are most people saying face to face break up give the other party a chance to know the reasons behind the break up? I totally disagree.I have had to break with two different guys face to face who didn’t even care to want to know the reason for the break up and these are not 3months kind of relationship.I believe, based on the person you are dealing with and what you can cope with after, your method of break up should not be limited to just face to face.So I welcome txt, BB, phone call, e-mail etc

  24. Divine

    December 3, 2010 at 2:09 pm

    It depends on who your breaking up with. My last boyfriend broke all known break up rules! I tried face to face but he broke down begging,saying he’ll change, be a better person. I stopped picking his calls and he started stalking my house! I used every excuse to start a fight but he forgave me and took the blame for every annoying thing i did! I had to go underground, switch off my phones and pretend like i left town never to return! After a little over a month, he finally got the message. So, there are really no break up dos and donts, just do whatever works for you!

    • Omogekofo

      December 3, 2010 at 3:06 pm

      thumbs up….. from all the comment i have read so far i think yours makes the best sense. whatever works does the magic.
      different strokes for different folks.

  25. Amah

    December 3, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    Best breakup tactics….drop a lot of hints prior to the actual deed. Then call him or her up and do it sincerely. Some people lie…at this point. It you should let the other know the true reason why you are breaking up to make that person sit-up in his or her next relationship.

  26. miss pom pom

    December 3, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    Best way to break up with someone is using a method where if the same was done to you, you will not be offended or heartbroken. Think about it honestly….. this world is too small. if you do it badly, it will always catch up with you one way or the other. Shikena!

  27. pat

    December 3, 2010 at 3:04 pm

    Always learn to end up your relationship face to face also with reason and advise, u just can’t say he /she could be of help to u in future.

  28. Blackknight

    December 3, 2010 at 3:19 pm

    Whichever option you choose in breaking up,somebody is still going to feel hurt….The issue here is not about feeling the pains which is obvious,but how to deal/cope with the pains.There’s always a time to love and a time to break-up….To cope with the hurt should be the focus of this discuss.

  29. Ronnie

    December 3, 2010 at 3:23 pm

    Gosh!I need to change my ID on Bella now cos there’s two “Ronnie’s” *sulking*hiss

    • Uju

      December 4, 2010 at 5:30 am

      LOL!!! I think we r 3 on bella naija with same name …lol.. i no dey change oh … it’s all love 🙂

  30. Mariam

    December 3, 2010 at 3:28 pm

    i personally think d party initiating d break-up shld have one on one discussion with the other and be very transperent on why he or she is breaking-up with the other. i dated a guy some yrs back and everything was goin on well and one saturday morg while at his place,he woke-up to say he had early morg appointment on d island and hrs later he called me up to say he had something to tell me and the next thing d coward said was he was breaking up with me and d sad part of it all is dat i still do not know wot or where i went wrong with him.

  31. ochella

    December 3, 2010 at 3:30 pm

    Exactly my point, we ladies are always saying we are sensitive yet you will be insensitive in treating another person. When Breaking up with someone, put yourself in the situation, would you want to feel dumped? I am not even insisting it should be face2face it should just be mature and sincere.

    • adelegirl

      December 6, 2010 at 10:13 am

      My thoughts exactly. Think about how you would like to be broken up with and do the same when breaking up with someone. It’s just the principle of do unto others what you want them to do to you. Break-ups are always hard especially for the person on the receiving end, so do your best in cushioning the blow. If not for anything, at least so you can have a somewhat guilt-free mind.

  32. chelseababe

    December 3, 2010 at 3:39 pm

    I think the situation of the relationship should determine how you breakup with them!

    • CC

      December 3, 2010 at 4:56 pm

      Precisely. Not everyone deserves a face to face, sit down conversation.

  33. Blackknight

    December 3, 2010 at 5:27 pm

    Breaking up is never easy,no matter the situation of the relation or what ever reason.There is no ideal or real way of doing it…..It’s something that has to happen either ways….Like I said earlier, how to deal with it should be the focus.Forget all those amicable resolution ,mutual understanding and all that shit….somebody somewhere is hurt….The issue should be how do we deal it.

  34. Ooops!

    December 3, 2010 at 5:47 pm

    Personally,i think breakups hurt.No matter how it is done,even if u r given a diamond ring while at it…lol. what i dont undastand dese days is dis: a guy breaks up wit u den still wants to keep calling u like he used to or still wants u to call him.what for??? Just went thru a serious heartCRUSH!!! my lesson from dat is most times u always see it coming,u just neva wanna bliv it.

  35. cutey

    December 3, 2010 at 6:16 pm

    I think face to face is only gud if the person u ar breakin up wit is rational,lik som pple said,the oda person can end up begging nd promising to change making it difficult for u,its all abt ur relationship,the method u tink wil suit the type of relationship u have. If ur partner is the clingy type,I tink u shud rather do it on the fone or bb or email!

  36. Jade82

    December 3, 2010 at 6:20 pm

    Breaking up is never easy no matter how it’s done. But i think as matured people you do it the right way without hurting people’s feelings by putting yourself as the person receiving the news. Glory for instance what ur friend did that to the guy was harsh becos if it was the reverse she will try to find him and figure out why he ain’t answering her calls, text or trying to visit her; EXCEPT if she doesn’t care…
    I believe in Karma so do unto others the way you want to be treated. Sometimes one has to be harsh especially when they refuse to get the message….
    Trust me i have had some of that i told these guys it won’t work we can be friends but they still call and bug me…as for me i don tell u anything after tat na u sabi my conscience don clear….
    Nevertheless, do it the way you know you can handle it if you were on the hot seat…its painful, but then again there are some people that come into our lives for us to learn from and move on till we meet “our personal person” (psquare) lol~~~~~~~~

  37. Naijamum

    December 3, 2010 at 6:37 pm

    I rather tell them to their face and tell them exactly why I am moving on.
    I prefer to still be on speaking terms with my exes.
    Life is too short to hurt people.

  38. Seiko aka: "Mo sparkles"

    December 3, 2010 at 8:52 pm

    Having read the comments carefully, hmmmmmm, the best way to break up is invite the “breakee” out for lunch, carefully explain why the break up is needed/necessary, this is done by the “breaker”. By doing this, the “breakee” can improve and make necessary amends towards becoming a better person. also, some “breakee” can be violent, thereby leading to a nasty fiasco. but seriously, i’d say to people, do it the best way that is convenient for the “breaker” and pls DO NOT use the widely used term “it is not you, it is me” that is so 1992. be plain, simple and precise.

  39. jini

    December 3, 2010 at 9:02 pm

    dude always said if i left no one will love me like he did.he will boast too that of all his past relationships, i was the only one he did not beat up,Well i told mr macho that if he as much as raise a finger on me,i will be be on my way out,he thought i was kidding,one fine day for a very flimsy reason he slapped me GBOSA! hah! i was out of the door and out of his life that same minute,today ten years later,with a very loving husband and three adorable kids, i am soo glad i ended that relationship.

    • Ready

      December 5, 2010 at 10:22 am

      Oniranu okunrin osi. You’re the only one he didn’t beat up. O jebi…ooh there are so many things I wanna say to his trifling dumb bi***h ass self. Ooh..name and number, let me address him or his wife. Slapping people, he must not know, some people walk around with kickboxing experience or anger issues. Mess around and get his butt whoopped beyond recognition. I dey vex and I no even sabi you.

  40. NNENNE

    December 4, 2010 at 6:15 am

    A heart to heart talk is more humane.Remember,the two of you can still remain platonic friends.It’s a small world,who knows where you will meet again?

  41. Mabel

    December 4, 2010 at 6:22 am

    I believe in telling the person face to face. It is the honourable thing to do, just ignoring the person is just cowardly and ugly. If you can’t look the person in the eye and say this is going nowhere, or we are not on the same wavelength, then you have no business being in relationships. The only exception to this rule, is if the relationship is mentally or physically abusive, in such cases it would be best to deal in stealth, and leave the relationship without any communication to the other party.

  42. uchechi

    December 4, 2010 at 11:17 am

    Hmmmm…all of u that r saying face-to-face sef, what about if both parties r far apart? Let’s say north and west or at different continents, will u ve to wait that long to end the relationship, perhaps when either parties have tried to make it work…omo no time o! Abeg joor make use of social networking sites or instant messsengers if u want, after all aren’t they for communicating too…thought so, abi i’m wrong.

    Agree with u all that take the stance of doing what works for u cos i disagree with glory who says ‘its plain rude’ via internet. Personally, any which way goes.

  43. beanie

    December 4, 2010 at 4:33 pm

    Breaking up is one of those tough ish…in person, hmmm when necessary. buh for a long term relationship, derez no oda way than to use the “e”nstruments. just not to sound “cliched”..deal with it as it appeals to u.immaturity sometimes is a blessing

  44. dami O

    December 5, 2010 at 11:55 pm

    i must admit that am not the face to face breaking up type of person, it usually done on fone but it agreed by both parties and we leave as friends and we talk to each other once in a while so there’ s always maturity in my break ups lol

  45. LeighJoy

    December 6, 2010 at 12:27 am

    It is not fair to have the person wondering WHY?! WHY?! so just a clean, concise CUT seems to be better & the awkwardness of the whole situation is part & parcel of relationships & life’s experiences!

  46. Hotchocolate

    December 6, 2010 at 10:17 am

    i storngly believe in anyone that works for you.i meant my boyfriend separated from his wifey on the grounds that she cheated on him,only for the babe for show a yr into our relationship and my guy said “the priest came and she knelt down and asked that i forgave and i have” e pain me o walahi and i we continued and when he seemed relaxed with me again i called him f2f and told him i was very disappointed in him and that i was telling him out of respect that am out. He didnt believe it,he called for days sent txt,BBM,yahoo even my office mail and coming to my office and wait in he reception. but i be nija so me sef i go disappear!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • DIVA

      December 6, 2010 at 12:13 pm

      hmm..sounds like a nice gist but written in a hurry, dint understand/enjoy the gist.

  47. yinka

    December 6, 2010 at 11:36 am

    I think the person initiating the break up should at least let the other person know one way or another,the least will be a call. Cos there was a past bf(or more appropriately asshole)that broke up with me and i didnt even have a clue.he just stopped visiting….this was like LONG ago in school,no mobile phones,fb etc.I went to his house though and the shock on the creep’s face when he saw me and i told him he was a coward who wasnt worth my time anyway and left.But i was hurt by his action cos i thought at least i deserved better than THAT.He came later to say he was sorry but i still detest him.
    So if you wanna break up with some1,at least give them some kind of notice and if the person doesnt get the point,then you can try the ninja/disappearing tactics

  48. piedpiper

    December 6, 2010 at 2:53 pm

    hmmmmm………the only woman on earth who had broken up with me did it in the most cruel manner and forthe dumbest reasons. I couldnt believe i had to travel all the way from Lagos to Benue, after working extra 2hrs daily for a week just for boss to approve my leave application, spent almost 14hrs(9am-11.26pm) on the road, furnish her NYSC apartment( which i actually paid 45% to support), took her from benue to abuja just so i could give her a treat and right there and then on the eve of her birthday( when i had proffesed my undying luv fr her on her fb page fone and to her in person) she DROPPED DA BOMB… ”im thinking maybe we should take a break cos i av bin aving dis dream and i dnt tink you are going to be my husband” those were her words………..jst like that…..but i’m a nice dude, still took her out the next day(her bday), gave her the best treat my salary could absorb, took a flight and came bak to las gidi 24hrs lata……..pls don’t ask me what has happened between then and now. life goes on

    • Bukky

      December 7, 2010 at 2:19 am

      eyah..pele o!

    • BN Fan

      December 7, 2010 at 6:24 pm

      Look, you were mugu-ed. Life moves on like you said.

    • Eemaan'

      December 10, 2010 at 1:25 pm

      Isshhhhh…i feel so sawry 4 u..sh%t happens 2 sum of us…but i bet yu’v piked urself up, dusted off ur shouldas, and lifted up ur chin and movd on..if no, pls do

  49. Nobemyfault

    December 6, 2010 at 5:00 pm

    I had this girl that loved me so much but i had no strong feelings for but i love the BUDDY!though she was very sturbbon.After several ‘you know now’I had this guilty conscience. I broke up by, at first, changing my attitude then i stopped answering her calls and never return calls.After, i felt she had gotten the message. I went to her place, bought few good things and remain a very good platonic friends just on phones and facebook. I tell you! i love it that way. I hate being enemy to my once good friends. So, do it in your in own way but no hard feelings.

    • tinkerbell

      December 10, 2010 at 11:40 am

      awwahh..thats so nice…frends at the end!…nw dats wat i call a clean break…

  50. MELLA

    December 7, 2010 at 5:00 am

    HOW CAN I POST ARTICLES ON BELLANAIJA?

    • Glory Edozien

      Glory Edozien

      December 9, 2010 at 12:04 pm

      Hello,

      Please send an email to [email protected].

    • MELLA

      December 10, 2010 at 8:48 pm

      THANKS FOR YOUR RESPONSE…I TRIED SENDING AN EMAIL TO [email protected] BUT IT SAYS THE EMAIL IS INCORRECT.
      IS THAT THE ONLY WANY TO GET ACROSS TO THEM? THANKS

  51. The Bola

    December 7, 2010 at 6:31 pm

    I’m not if there’s a best way to break up but it’s definately not to stop talking to the person without notice, unless the other person did sth drastic

  52. Cynthia

    December 7, 2010 at 9:12 pm

    I think break-ups depend on the situation and the reason towards the break-up. However, there are proper ways of doing things – especially when someone else’s feelings are involved. My ex broke up with over the phone saying “he had been sleeping with his ex” although he never mentioned “it’s best we break-up, he knew him telling me that nonsense would only end things for us”. Although I don’t really believe he was actually screwing his ex and just wanted to chicken out of a relationship were certain things were not tolerated – it makes me wonder if his next g/f (whom I feel sorry for) cheats on him then breaks up with him for no just reason, doesn’t he deserve it? Again, it all depends on the situation – some deserve the harshest means when breaking up while others really do not.

  53. loula

    December 8, 2010 at 11:44 am

    break up,these two tiny words can realy mak u cry.if u wnt 2 brk up,der beta ways of doin it.u dnt jst stp pickin his cals,i think d both of u shld jst sit down,tel him ur mind n y u takin dt action.if he is reasonable he wil understnd.brk dosnt mean u cant b frnds…..

  54. King's kid!

    December 8, 2010 at 1:24 pm

    [email protected] u mugu-ed. Break ups should be handled on a case by case basis i.e situations surrounding d breakup BUT in all apply WISDOM

  55. Adeola

    December 8, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    Hum I think… I will take the texting route, I know it is rude but hum… BREAK-UP IS COMPLICATED Y’ALL! Texting just makes it real easy.

  56. BROWNSUGAR

    December 8, 2010 at 5:37 pm

    ITS SO CHILDISH WHEN U END A RELATIONSHIP BTW 2 ADULTSON PHONE OR EMAIL ETC. B4 D WHOLE LOVIN TIN STARTED,U BOTH SAT DOWN FACE 2 FACE,TALKEDAT LENGHT ,HELD HANDS AND EVEN LOOKED IN2 EACH EYEZ,SO WHY B SO UNREASONABLE 2 END WAT U STARTED 2GETHER ON PHONE OR MAILS.WE ALL KNW IT HURTS BUT DO D RITE TIN 4 GOD SAKE, SO DAT WHOEVER DATIS AT FAULT WILL NOT CONTINUE WIT HIS/HER TRAIT IN HIS/HER NEXT RELATIONSHIP,I HAD ANEXPERIENCE AND I CONSIDER MY EX AS IMMATURE.

  57. NoDullin

    December 8, 2010 at 6:43 pm

    My feckn Ex dumped me via bbm…..Gosh I felt like killin him.
    It wasn’t hard for him to do it cos he neva luved me in d first place…bastardo!
    the most annoyn thing is dat he expects me to beg him..Imagine! no be me sha….I no fit do dat kan thing….immature Cow..!!

  58. Purpleiciousbabe

    December 8, 2010 at 6:57 pm

    I don’t believe that is the most appropriate way to break-up with someone. One has to be considerate but then again everyone is different and we see things in a different way.

  59. My View

    December 8, 2010 at 8:36 pm

    What i believe is that, whatever method you choose, if face to face is too difficult, use text messages, emails and what ever have you. Its not nice to just stop picking calls and ignoring the person bcos, the very purpose,u were trying to achieve (making it as clean cut as possible) would be defeated. Its the hardest way to move on because you cant even tell what ended the relationship, especially when there were no quarrels or prior notice before u just totally ignored the person.
    Talking from experience, it happened to me some few months back n it was very painful cos u keep wondering what went wrong. U had a relationship in the morning where ur bf called u n by evening, it has ended with no inkling whatsoever. It still hurts deeply till now and i pray for strength to love and trust again.
    I dont think anyone who is in love would want his/her relationship to end like that.
    Lets do the right thing, be mature, give the other party a measure of respect by saying why/what and if the emotional blackmail starts, then cut the person off.
    We never can say where we all would meet tomorrow. its better to always remember the future in our dealings with others. Right now, even if my ex calls me, i dnt even think i want to be even JUST friends with him. Its so ……………………

  60. My View

    December 8, 2010 at 8:39 pm

    What i believe is that, whatever method you choose, if face to face is too difficult, use text messages, emails and what ever have you. Its not nice to just stop picking calls and ignoring the person bcos, the very purpose,u were trying to achieve (making it as clean cut as possible) would be defeated. Its the hardest way to move on because you cant even tell what ended the relationship, especially when there were no quarrels or prior notice before u just totally ignored the person.
    Talking from experience, it happened to me some few months back n it was very painful cos u keep wondering what went wrong. U had a relationship in the morning where ur bf called u n by evening, it has ended with no inkling whatsoever. It still hurts deeply till now and i pray for strength to love and trust again.
    I dont think anyone who is in love would want his/her relationship to end like that.
    Lets do the right thing, be mature, give the other party a measure of respect by saying why/what and if the emotional blackmail starts, then cut the person off.
    We never can say where we all would meet tomorrow. its better to always remember the future in our dealings with others. Right now, even if my ex calls me, i dnt even think i want to be even JUST friends with him. Its so ……………………

  61. Oge

    December 10, 2010 at 3:46 pm

    Nice Blog;interesting Coments so far….i second opinion that depending on the circumstances of the relationship, and on the individuals involved breaking up shd be just wat works for YOU.But we should bear in mind that the ‘soon to be EX’ was once someone who made us SMILE, if dats d case.so we shd be careful not to breakup in a n IMMATURE way.

  62. wonkomije

    December 10, 2010 at 8:03 pm

    personally i enjoy spontaneity in hooking up and breaking up.it doesn’t matter which medium u use to tell your partner it’s over, the other person will never understand until his/her instincts tells the truth.every human is unique in its way, if your partner says i don’t want you anymore move on! because there’s more to life than unnecessary drama of setting up a conference to discuss reasons why u dnt want the other person anymore. an ex boyfriend once told me he loves my being fierce which many men would run from because he thinks i’ll run an empire effectively!

  63. My View

    December 10, 2010 at 8:28 pm

    Whatever method you choose, if face to face is too difficult, use text messages, emails and what ever have you. Its not nice to just stop picking calls and ignoring the person bcos, the very purpose,u were trying to achieve (making it as clean cut as possible) would be defeated. Its the hardest way to move on because you cant even tell what ended the relationship, especially when there were no quarrels or prior notice before u just totally ignored the person.
    Talking from experience, it happened to me some few months back n it was very painful cos u keep wondering what went wrong. U had a relationship in the morning where ur bf called u n by evening, it has ended with no inkling whatsoever. It still hurts deeply till now and i pray for strength to love and trust again.
    I dont think anyone who is in love would want his/her relationship to end like that.
    Lets do the right thing, be mature, give the other party a measure of respect by saying why/what and if the emotional blackmail starts, then cut the person off.
    We never can say where we all would meet tomorrow. its better to always remember the future in our dealings with others. Right now, even if my ex calls me, i dnt even think i want to be even JUST friends with him. Its so ……………………

  64. My View

    December 13, 2010 at 10:28 am

    I have posted my response but it hasn’t shown on this page! Is there a limit to how many comments can be posted or it was deleted?

  65. chic

    December 13, 2010 at 6:29 pm

    Imagine a guy breaking up with you on a flimsy excuse that he doesn’t want to hurt you and he doesn’t want to delay you and still wanting to be kissed when you see him and all them mushy stuff imagine. He says as long as neither of us is hitched yet, it’s not bad. well i totally disagree cos you just can’t eat your cake and have it.

  66. more

    December 20, 2010 at 6:47 pm

    am of the opinon dat no matter how a r/ship breaks up both parties will be hurt,rather the degree of hurting differs.am in a very loving r/ship,but due to genotype issue the r/ship ve to park up,but non of us is willing to initiate the process,but 1 day i just decided we talked,encouraged and give each other a very good reason to let go maturely.it makes us to be best of friend with old cherished memories.

  67. oye

    December 20, 2010 at 9:03 pm

    No break up is good. Just had the worst break up ever.

  68. P-ish

    December 24, 2010 at 5:58 pm

    i was with this guy for abt 3mths, we shared a unique friendship/luv. shortly after this started, he opened up to me that he had a girlfriend of some years. then i felt there was no need continuing the communication with him. but soon after, he began begging and trying a come-back, and he gave me every reason to believe he had broken up with this girl, and was now ready for US.so i decided to re-consider it. Not longer after, he comes back to say he is still seeing the girl.this finally ended our friendship. but as painful as that was to me, i always put the future into consideration. we may need each other later. i forgave him, and told him we could still be friends. whats most important is, I AM FREE FROM HATING ANYBODY. and now, its so clear to me that we may not ve had a great relationship in the long run.

  69. Mage

    January 6, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    There will never be a right way to break up.I doubt there’s anything like a clean break. No matter what method you use, one or both parties will walk away hurt.
    What needs to be said though is the breaker (The person initiating the breakup) be considerate of the feeling of the breakee (The person about to be dumped). If it wasn’t an abusive relationship to start with, then Breakers should chin up and neatly do what needs to be done. If there’s no hope, then don’t give false hope, don’t patronize, lie or make promises.

  70. Noni

    January 7, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    Situation dependent is spot on o. Some people’s natures are overly optimistic and cannot comprehend a face to face rejection, no matter how mature and final, hence the need for some dodging and eventually a proper dressing down and restraining order (naija equivalent).

  71. kay

    January 9, 2011 at 8:34 am

    It really depends on the kind of relationship. let not forget that we are in the 21st centuary,where we do a lot of e dating. so now adays e break up or telephone break up is inevitable. But with telephone or e relationship, i still think communication is the key. let the other person know.

  72. missy

    January 12, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    i always initiate the break up but i had a lil problem breaking up with the last guy i dated because i read his fbook chat dat he had with this gal and he tld her dat he felt our relationship was boring cos i donot have sex with him but dat im beautiful and all and dat dere is dis oda gal he used to have sex with dat he wants to go bck to her nd all….well the long and short of the matter is dat i broke up with him and den he was like even if i sed i havebroken up with him dat he is still in a relationship with me whether i like it or not…well sha he sed i was stupid and dat he curse the day he met me and he sha pushed me to the wall he was really aggressive in the process of pulling me and all he injured me….anyways i fink i can neva tell a guy to his face again abeg make dem no disfigure my face dis time around ive sha learnt from my previous break up.

  73. Avwerosuo

    February 8, 2011 at 3:52 pm

    From experience, i think the best way to breakup is one-one sit and talk. From the few relationships i have being in, it really hurts me when he stops calling, sending texts like before and dont want to c me. these are the first sign of break-up. the most annoying part of it is when he refuse to tell me in a simple sentence that he is no longer intrested in the relationship. i thik the best way is sit down and talk about it by making he or her see reasons with you. A matured guy or babe will understand.

  74. Debbie

    April 6, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    hmm, I was probably enjoying my rship when this article was written. I spent a weekend wit my partner of several months( it was a serious relationship)and afterward, he stopped answering my calls, never called or responded to my bb messages and sms.
    I spent weeks trying to figure out what I did wrong and almost went bonkers! My life is now back on track but mehn, it will only take God’s intervention for me to completely forgive him. I now hate him for what he did.
    Written/verbal communication is d best way to break up…and yes, there may be a lot of emotional bla bla but it will fade off. Silent breakup is cruel and inhuman especially for someone you claimed to have loved or cared for.

  75. lily

    April 19, 2011 at 7:43 pm

    i think breaking up through the phone or bb or watever is plainly immature and selfish expect if it is long distance relationship; then it is acceptable.

  76. browny809

    May 14, 2011 at 7:19 am

    It all depends oh but maturity plays a lot. Wen I was a 18 I had a bf I had to break up wit he was an amazing guy but his emotions where way ahead of mine. It was like his were flying nd mine were crawlin. To end d whole tin I started keepin good distance avoidin his calls nd all dat wnt on for abt a mnth den he called me wit a random no sayin his sis wanted to  me. Wen I got dere, dere was a mini family meetin waitin to cajole me so I told dem nt to worry dat its btw us we ll sort it out. So I got wit dude to his room attemptin to ve a convo d nxt tin he kneels dwn nd starts to beg sayin he knos its him nd his vry sorry nd blah by d time I noticed his inpendin tears, I remove my shoes storm out of d house nd start to race dwn d street towards my place of course he comes aft me by dis time it has started drizzlin. We must ve looked so stupid dat day nd certainly nt mature nd he was 6yrs older dan me. But gratefully now am a lot more mature nd ll do it a more civilized way

  77. remi

    May 20, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    sometimes the person in question just doesnt give up. I mean it cld take a year of doin all these things u pple have mentioned and still they refuse to give up.

  78. tara

    May 25, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    Nice write-up! AS MUCH AS I FULLY SUBSCRIBE TO f2f ting, it doesnt always wrk that way…lol…cheers!

  79. prince

    August 22, 2011 at 5:38 pm

    so if am in uk and fall in love with a girl in nigeria i should go to nigeria to breakup after three months of phone talking, end it on phone joor!

  80. Yinca Es*star

    January 27, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    i see it this way….the way they break up with you is a hint to whether they ever respected you & what you once had and could have been…..chikena!

  81. Hurt

    May 21, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    I wud never recommendvthe ‘ignoring method’ but well, if it works for you, fine. My last relationship ended like that. Nothing went wrong, or at least so I thought then all of a sudden, he stopped calling, wasn’t picking my calls or replying my texts. Then kaboom! I saw his trad wedding pics on Bellanaija January this year. Trust me, I was really hurt. Saw him last week and he stared right thru me and kept moving…I still am hurt, but I’m trying to move on, tho I always ask myself what I did wrong, so as to avoid same in future, if only he’d just tell me. I don’t advice anyone to do that to anybody, it hurts so bad not knowing what you did. you never know where you’ll meet the person you so shabbily treated, the world is small.

  82. Annoymous

    January 24, 2013 at 11:50 pm

    The ignoring method is just plainly cruel, no matter the circumstances that may have led to the break up, i think it’s just ideal to talk things over. It’s a more mature approach. IMO

  83. lastbee

    February 17, 2013 at 5:36 pm

    Really, I think breaking up with someone in person is about the best way. Other ways might be ‘convenient’ for the one doing the breakup but then it’s only fair you consider the victim of the breakup. The breakup process itself is painful and when it’s done in a rude manner,it really hurts. My experience was crazy. lol. I got the breakup text at about 4:55 am on val’s day saying he realized he wasn’t good enough for me and wanted me to be happy with someone else. Lol. How thoughtful of him.

  84. ANNE

    July 5, 2013 at 4:54 pm

    wished i knew where i went wrong,he closed my chapter in his life abruptly.anyway ‘ve moved on( good radiance to bad rubbish).

  85. Olle

    December 7, 2013 at 9:21 am

    My boyfriend if 2 months ended things with me so aprubtly.
    Didn’t see it coming and yes he pulled out the “it’s not u, it’s me
    ” card. I didn’t bother to ask what I did because I did nothing but
    love him( maybe a little too much). He probably couldn’t handle it
    buy he showered me with just as much live which made me like him
    sooo much. Anyway, I still find it very hard to believe that a
    someone who once loved me will be so mean. So I have picked myself
    up and in getting my life back on track.

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