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Ditch The Baggage!

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I learnt that there are two kinds of love stories – “boy leaves girl” and “girl leaves boy”. This has left many wondering about the mysteries of love.  I guess no one can truly fathom it. No one can say for sure who would leave the other; either because of loss of interest in the relationship, sheer abandonment or even the death of a partner. When relationships come to an end, one or even both parties are left heart broken. Where this is not carefully managed, one can be led into depression, resentment, hatred, and all forms of horrible emotions we all can do without. All of these emotions combined can fit nicely into the baggage that many carry up and about today.

The dictionary meaning of baggage is – luggage, suitcases, cases, or bags… all of which can be heavy! Personally, I do not like to carry my baggage. Although, I tell myself that I am Miss Super Woman, since I often get things done for myself, I don’t refuse help when it comes to carrying my baggage. I am glad to drop it for the next person to carry at the slightest provocation.

Given the tediousness in carrying any form of baggage, I wonder why many carry their baggage with so much glee… or so it seems! For instance, I was re-introduced to this guy that I have known since I was a little girl. We exchanged bb pins and within the next couple of days we did a lot of chatting. I could tell that he was getting all excited about our new found relationship since he would ping me as early as 4.30am! At first, this freaked me out a little, but then I reminded myself that this could be what I have been praying for – someone who would love me more than life (or in this case, sleep) itself!

For the next couple of days, chatting with him was great until he started to share his baggage with me. Our conversation which had been quite exciting for me slowly graduated into dozens of reports on “how evil and callous women can be”, “how he had sacrificed tons for women who had repeatedly disappointed him”, “how difficult it has been for him to trust women”, “how hyper sensitive he can be”, and” how he has given up on finding a woman who would love him”! All of his true confessions burst my bubble! I suddenly found him grossly unattractive and was completely uninterested in follow up conversations. Apparently, everyone wants a “super man” and not “a fallen hero”!

I soon was turned into a motivational speaker as I found myself encouraging and reassuring him that life can be beautiful. I then gradually withdrew from conversations with him till I was sure that I had killed whatever was left of what we had (although it lasted for just a couple of weeks). It was hard enough to carry my baggage, which is why I ditched it. I couldn’t find a good reason to inherit his.

Through my conversations with almost-Romeo, I realised how pathetic I may have seemed to some of my ex-potentials, when all I had done was bore them to the bone with tales of woe about past relationships! In the past, I’d tell potential boyfriends stories of what had happened between an ex and I, and how much I wished he’d rot in hell! However, as I grew stronger, wiser, and of course older, I put it all in the past; I learnt to accept that life doesn’t always go the way I want it to. I learnt to accept that I don’t necessarily have to be loved by those I love and vice versa. I learnt to deal with disappointments without necessarily making my problems everyone else’s. I learnt to suck it all up and move on, with a strong determination to survive, to enjoy my life, regardless!

It is so important to drop the baggage, regardless of its cause and contents. This heavy load hinders many from moving on to the next phase of their lives and future relationships. While I understand that there may be super-humans who can endure all the nagging and complaints, while encouraging that there is still hope for happy-ever-after, many would also take to their heels just as I did.

I’ve realized that dwelling on the past does no good. So, regardless of its brand, ditch the baggage and get over it!

51 Comments

  1. miss bee

    July 20, 2011 at 10:05 am

    first ……lol

  2. KK

    July 20, 2011 at 10:12 am

    Great piece…I had to experience this first hand some time ago…not always easy to let go of the baggage, but its always worth it. As they say, not forgiving someone is letting that person live “rent-free” in your head.
    Kudos Osemhen’

  3. Ayokunle

    July 20, 2011 at 10:13 am

    [email protected] everyone wants a “super man” and not “a fallen hero”.

    Nice

  4. Lue

    July 20, 2011 at 10:35 am

    *Looking around* first?

  5. Ada babe

    July 20, 2011 at 10:37 am

    First …..yeeh hah

  6. Ebube

    July 20, 2011 at 10:51 am

    Bang On! And please drop alllllll baggage befor you marry!

  7. vivian

    July 20, 2011 at 11:00 am

    Spot on!!!

  8. Glow

    July 20, 2011 at 11:06 am

    If you are not married, you are single.
    Period before being single and getting married is engagement.
    If we live according to the word of GOD, Everything becomes much easier.
    GOD Bless you!

  9. HRS OLUBUSOLA

    July 20, 2011 at 11:11 am

    Dwelling on the past surely does no good, drop the baggage, on point!

  10. Moi

    July 20, 2011 at 11:12 am

    True!

  11. toyhin

    July 20, 2011 at 11:15 am

    *you dnt have to be loved by those you love and vice versa* its sooo true and we have to deal with it. im here first.. yaaaaaaaay

  12. Ronnie

    July 20, 2011 at 11:42 am

    Nice read…So true. I guess we don’t realise we’re doing it at first. Hence why it’s advisable to deal with past issue before jumping into the next relationship.

    • efunywee

      July 23, 2011 at 12:23 pm

      you gota let it out, thats how dealing with it, i think get some looser bore him to death, after that you’re ready for your next

  13. IloveNIGERIA

    July 20, 2011 at 11:43 am

    first to comment!

  14. MIA

    July 20, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    YAAY FIRST!absolutely correct..but it can hard oo

  15. BrownSugah

    July 20, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    I wish u girls would stop all this ‘first’ or ‘not first’ issues and get straight to the point if you have any by the way. Or is it another way of catching Fun?

  16. Aba, Accra

    July 20, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    a real nice piece. i agree that loading one’s problems on another could be dreadful for the person at the recieving end but sometimes one just gotta let go of some of d baggage. after all as the saying goes, sharing is caring or? lol

  17. Bolanle

    July 20, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    I totally agree! Why tell your current guy about your ex guy! Why would he really want to know unless he asked..and even if he does ask no need to go into the whole breakdown. Just concentrate on your new relationship and move on…they’re an ex for a reason, cant wait for people to realise that.

  18. Princess

    July 20, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    Lovely Article! Gonna make a mental effort not to do that ever again!

  19. Ex-boy

    July 20, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    Dirty baggage, go away. Nice one.

  20. Moi

    July 20, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    wats d big deal about being the first to comment????…..5 ppl want to be first? na wa!

  21. A.D

    July 20, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    All of you saying first and ‘yayying’, sorry to burst ya bubble
    ehhen jare, nice read, it really makes the nagging party unattractive and just plain immature to re-arrange the contents of their baggage.

    http://www.memoirsofagoodnaijagurl.blogspot.com

  22. Uchechi

    July 20, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    You see…sometimes “too much information” has its downside, good you highlighted this point.

  23. Naveah

    July 20, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    Baggage is NOT necessarily is bad thing because even when one is travelling, we know the things we NEED and the unneccessary things that we’ve packed which is what weighs down one’s luggage. There are somethings in one’s baggage that one needs and there are things to be discarded because they are not required for the journey. And there are somethings that are needed for a certain amount of time and then it too must go, the trick is recognizing what/when to dump and when to keep. I don’t see anything wrong in telling one’s current man about an ex-man because it is part of one’s history, part of the growth process that has shaped and molded the person the current man is enjoying. Having said that, one must be mindful of what and how the history is shared. The manner of the telling can reveil much about a person’s character and how far removed they are from the situation emotionally, mentally and physically. The issue is exactly what the author has stated in quoting the young man, it is scary when people pour out venom about an ex to a new love because to speak for myself, I always think to myself that this person would probably do the same thing to me if we part ways. Additionally, I feel then that the person is still harboring some feelings because to hate or to love calls for one to expend energy but to be indifferent takes no effort. If a person has truly moved on then they should be able to speak about someone who has hurt them without investing so much energy in building a negative image of the person.

    When I met my husband, he spoke about his painful experiences but in a very objective way. He spoke about his missteps and that of the other person(s) but he never was nasty in recalling his past with these other ladies. This is what made me know that he has moved on. I shared my regrets as well and I kept it above board as well. And you know how that help us, we were able to understand each other’s trigger points because in sharing our histories whether it’s relationships or familial history, we learned more about one another.

    • sweetie

      July 20, 2011 at 5:52 pm

      kai, this comment is long sha

    • namee

      July 20, 2011 at 8:33 pm

      I agree with you. my loved one told me that there’s a reason for rear view mirror. he said we still need to look into the past from time to time, as our experience from the past shapes our future. but he said to notice the size of the rear-view mirror in comparison to the size of the windscreen which looks out into the future. the future is so much bigger and wider than the past and we cant move forward with ease if continue to look backward.

  24. Naveah

    July 20, 2011 at 3:45 pm

    *reveal* duh lol

  25. Gidi'More Girl

    July 20, 2011 at 3:50 pm

    You can’t emphasize enough how important it is to let go of the past. It hurts the present and limits the future. Thanks for this article, very insightful…

    http://gidimoregirl.blogspot.com

  26. Ada

    July 20, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    True

  27. Godlovesme4me

    July 20, 2011 at 5:57 pm

    Mi i like this one oooo Ejire…as in I receive this as a personal note just for mi myself and I…thank you. Life goes on so why linger on in the past…gerrit. I’m so ditching the baggage and so getting over it….right on point. thanks again.

  28. Ogor

    July 20, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    …very nicely written. On point.

  29. Beverly

    July 20, 2011 at 8:16 pm

    “It was hard enough to carry my baggage, which is why I ditched it. I couldn’t find a good reason to inherit his.”

    THIS ALL DAY!

  30. ogeh cynthia

    July 20, 2011 at 8:18 pm

    WOW, I Have done this couple of times in the PAST and i keep wondering what is putting the guys off….. wow, wow, very very insightful. thank you so much for this article.

  31. pynk

    July 21, 2011 at 8:25 am

    Very thot provoking article.

  32. cleo

    July 21, 2011 at 9:57 am

    Nice piece and so true…..

  33. -----

    July 21, 2011 at 4:48 pm

    Whether it be
    “Alexander McQueen, Prada, Gucci, Chanel
    D&G, BCBG, Versace, Louie and BeBe”
    drop it! I hear u sister. Nice 1 Boo! Btw for
    the poor lads sake, I hope Ejire is not
    ur real name cos if it is after he reads this
    his ego will be a fallen corpse not a fallen hero.

  34. J-WORLD

    July 21, 2011 at 11:07 pm

    I love this piece so simple yet so true. The sooner we learn to know and appreciate our worth the better for our relationship.

  35. Nanlop

    July 22, 2011 at 11:38 am

    Nice write-up.

  36. deee

    July 22, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    People ask, they pry and then when they get an earful they complain and call the person ‘pathetic’. Oh and for those who have ‘NO BAGGAGE’ they wanna know why they don’t have any baggage – seriously? no exes? why? what happened? at your age?…I’m not saying thats what happened in this case, i’m just saying if you don’t wanna know or you’re not ready to hear it, don’t ask; don’t even let the conversation go there. How come pple don’t want to talk about interests, goals, politics, football (someone’s prob rolling his/her eyes right now) anymore. You meet someone right now and the next 5mins they ask you about your relationship history. Ask o if you feel you must, just remember that some ppl can talk tomoro’s and day after tomoro’s talk today.

  37. Deedee

    July 22, 2011 at 9:04 pm

    well said!
    & lol @ ‘almost romeo’

  38. Purpleicious Babe

    July 23, 2011 at 3:28 am

    Awesome piece… drop all baggage but approach the past with objectiveness, forgiveness, learning process and change of heart, maturity and wisdom.. This way it would prove that things happen, bad things we don’t want happens but we have risen above it and we have become VICTORIOUS rather than VICTIMS….

    • Me

      August 2, 2011 at 2:11 pm

      such a wise quote!……..I’ll save that somwhere….:)

  39. cathy

    July 23, 2011 at 2:58 pm

    nice piece! baggage carriers i hope say una don hear? lol

  40. Tola

    July 25, 2011 at 4:29 am

    this is so true and a lot of ppl need to read this. I love it. Good Job
    http://www.wetalknaija.blogspot.com

  41. Babe

    July 25, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    Wow…insightful piece. Having a had time dropping the baggage..one minute i feel like i’ve moved on the next minute i realise that maybe I haven’t totally moved on. Its just so difficult!

  42. Williams

    July 27, 2011 at 10:10 am

    Thank for this insightful nugget. I have really being carrying this baggage not knowing the source of it. Now i`ve been initiated into its root and suurely wants out. I have to pick up the carcass and build from the reamain while i drop off the luggage. Once again thanks.

  43. Babe

    July 27, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    True talk my sister…

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  45. Lola

    July 30, 2011 at 4:46 pm

    makes a lotta sense.
    it drives me cracy seeing pple playing d victim when they can actually get up and move on with their lives.

  46. tenionabanjo

    August 13, 2011 at 10:36 pm

    very funny,much sense in this tho

  47. bukky

    November 21, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    DROP THE BAGGAGE MATE!!!!!

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