I learnt that there are two kinds of love stories – “boy leaves girl” and “girl leaves boy”. This has left many wondering about the mysteries of love. I guess no one can truly fathom it. No one can say for sure who would leave the other; either because of loss of interest in the relationship, sheer abandonment or even the death of a partner. When relationships come to an end, one or even both parties are left heart broken. Where this is not carefully managed, one can be led into depression, resentment, hatred, and all forms of horrible emotions we all can do without. All of these emotions combined can fit nicely into the baggage that many carry up and about today.
The dictionary meaning of baggage is – luggage, suitcases, cases, or bags… all of which can be heavy! Personally, I do not like to carry my baggage. Although, I tell myself that I am Miss Super Woman, since I often get things done for myself, I don’t refuse help when it comes to carrying my baggage. I am glad to drop it for the next person to carry at the slightest provocation.
Given the tediousness in carrying any form of baggage, I wonder why many carry their baggage with so much glee… or so it seems! For instance, I was re-introduced to this guy that I have known since I was a little girl. We exchanged bb pins and within the next couple of days we did a lot of chatting. I could tell that he was getting all excited about our new found relationship since he would ping me as early as 4.30am! At first, this freaked me out a little, but then I reminded myself that this could be what I have been praying for – someone who would love me more than life (or in this case, sleep) itself!
For the next couple of days, chatting with him was great until he started to share his baggage with me. Our conversation which had been quite exciting for me slowly graduated into dozens of reports on “how evil and callous women can be”, “how he had sacrificed tons for women who had repeatedly disappointed him”, “how difficult it has been for him to trust women”, “how hyper sensitive he can be”, and” how he has given up on finding a woman who would love him”! All of his true confessions burst my bubble! I suddenly found him grossly unattractive and was completely uninterested in follow up conversations. Apparently, everyone wants a “super man” and not “a fallen hero”!
I soon was turned into a motivational speaker as I found myself encouraging and reassuring him that life can be beautiful. I then gradually withdrew from conversations with him till I was sure that I had killed whatever was left of what we had (although it lasted for just a couple of weeks). It was hard enough to carry my baggage, which is why I ditched it. I couldn’t find a good reason to inherit his.
Through my conversations with almost-Romeo, I realised how pathetic I may have seemed to some of my ex-potentials, when all I had done was bore them to the bone with tales of woe about past relationships! In the past, I’d tell potential boyfriends stories of what had happened between an ex and I, and how much I wished he’d rot in hell! However, as I grew stronger, wiser, and of course older, I put it all in the past; I learnt to accept that life doesn’t always go the way I want it to. I learnt to accept that I don’t necessarily have to be loved by those I love and vice versa. I learnt to deal with disappointments without necessarily making my problems everyone else’s. I learnt to suck it all up and move on, with a strong determination to survive, to enjoy my life, regardless!
It is so important to drop the baggage, regardless of its cause and contents. This heavy load hinders many from moving on to the next phase of their lives and future relationships. While I understand that there may be super-humans who can endure all the nagging and complaints, while encouraging that there is still hope for happy-ever-after, many would also take to their heels just as I did.
I’ve realized that dwelling on the past does no good. So, regardless of its brand, ditch the baggage and get over it!