I find I ask myself this question more and more each day as I relax into a laptop heat-induced coma. Perhaps my mind wanting to do something and my body borderline decomposing suggests that they are acting in a somewhat paradoxical manner but, to be fair, I honestly feel I have very little excuse to get out of bed at 5 in the evening anyhow.
Suppose I do decide to utilize what little willpower I have left from getting into bed and opt to call one of my many (more than 10) friends…what, pray tell, would I suggest we actually do?
As far as I’m concerned, in Lagos there are only 3 things to do…eat overpriced food, drink overpriced drinks (including the often forgotten but never omitted consumption tax) or watch a film at the cinema with the occasional proclamation of “witch” drowning out the sound of noisy children running up and down as their parents simply lose the will to chase them and perhaps to live.
Maybe I’m being pessimistic. Maybe I’m being unfair. I’ve never been that good at socialising anyhow unless you count awkward stares and the occasional cough as conversation.
No! I’m better than that.
I do talk to people actually, I just fidget a lot and don’t actually look directly at them. Hey, it’s what I’d do if we were talking over the phone and, to be fair, they spend more time typing clichéd tweets on their phone than engaging in actual conversation so perhaps I’m just ahead of the curve…if that makes any sense?
Perhaps I’m merely a reflection of the 21st century Zeitgeist. Then again, I met my first girlfriend (a girl waaaay out of my league) over a game of basketball. For us awkward people, activity is the way in which we start to feel more comfortable with people. We’re allowed to communicate through our actions rather than actual direct contact with strangers especially strangers of the opposite sex….a curious species.
Playing basketball brought my inner-cockiness and competitive spirit out and for some reason this appealed to her. I’m usually far too self-conscious to be confident but when we’re playing something that I actually feel I can beat you in, I feel like I’m on top of the world. I find in life I constantly need reassurance and actually feeling like you’re good at something tends to give one that.
She fell in love with this sensitive guy who, in his element, could be king of the world. I don’t buy into the whole girls like assholes argument but I do think a balance is important. No one likes a one-dimensional character.
But see, there’s nothing like that in Lagos and hence I will be single, and possibly broke (damn you consumption tax!) forever! Well for the next year or so unless I marry some rich Nigerian girl who gets turned on by being ignored by tall, fidgety men. Any takers?
There’s always the remote chance that such a girl doesn’t exist and if that’s the case, a year is a bloody long time! There used to be a bowling alley at the Palms and something that tried its very hardest to resemble a bowling alley at Silverbird Galleria but alas such luxuries are no more. I don’t know where to turn.
The cool thing to do now is to go clubbing but, to be honest, I hate clubbing! The music is simply too loud, the girls are too used to dancing in their tight circles and there’s always the odd chance of a self-proclaimed straight man with bloodshot red eyes threatening to rape you as you leave Marquis.Then the long lift down as you realise that he might actually be serious when he asks you if you’re afraid and then proceeds to ensure you that he’s not actually gay. There’s the very brisk walk to your car as he and 2 other guys start to follow you, and then the quick getaway….but I feel like I’m rambling on a bit. You know what I mean though? We’ve all been there before!
So I’m sure you can agree that something needs to change. Bring back bowling! Let’s have more publicly available sports centres where people can play basketball or go bowling or pretend that golf is actually a sport even though we know it’s the most boring thing on Earth that overweight 50-something year olds play just for the thrill of driving in a golf cart…I REALLY want to drive in a golf cart though…just once!
Food, drinks and going to the cinema are nice every once in a while but I, for one, would like something else to do at 5pm on a Friday evening.
Photo Credit: thelostogle.com
Ayanam Udoma is a poet and blogger who moved to England at 16. He returned to Nigeria after his degree in marketing to participate in the NYSC program. He is now trying to adjust back into the “Naija” lifestyle. He blogs at A-Zone Poetry.