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Glory Edozien: Loving Me is Easy

Glory Edozien

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Yesterday I bumped into an old friend who got married in June last year. As we chatted he told me he’d be missing his first Valentine’s Day as a married man because he’d be out of town on business. As our conversation continued, I realised he hadn’t even gotten her a gift and was hoping to buy something on his way back from his trip.

Immediately, I helped him hatch up a romantic plan which included flowers and cupcakes being delivered to her office on Friday, presenting her with perfume and lingerie on his return on Saturday and then taking her for a spa date on Sunday. I organized this in less than 30 minutes and he was beyond grateful. As I recounted the experience to a friend of mine, we realized how most men don’t really know how to love a woman. Unfortunately, many authors and speakers have spent their time teaching women to think like men, or giving various strategies about how to get a man, while less time is devoted to teaching men how to love women. So much so that the art of wooing and courting are almost lost on today’s man.

I told my newly married friend that these gifts would earn him loving privileges for at least a month and he’d go down as the best hubby ever. He didn’t quite believe me. But as a woman you know these things. You know the simple things a man has to do to make you literally take a bullet for him. Most times it isn’t about the money. It’s about the simple things. Keeping your promises, being open and transparent, being emotionally available, communicating regularly, and being a partner in every sense of the word.

What most men fail to realise is that making a woman love and stay in love with you is easy. Most women are emotional, so we like you to make us feel wanted. We want to know that you’ll be there for us and the children, that you appreciate us and when the chips are down you’ll have our back always. As women grow older the things that turn us on become even simpler. My married friends with children tell me how seeing their husbands play with the kids sometimes makes them emotional and horny at the same time. My single friends tell me how when a guy they are into introduces her to his friends as his girlfriend makes them ecstatic and for me, having my man kiss my forehead in public is just the absolute bees knees.

For some reason these simple gestures are becoming as extinct as the Baiji White Dolphin. Simple as it may seem, these actions actually keep a relationship and marriage going. A woman whose man makes her feel wanted (not just physically) usually has a peaceful relationship. As I’ve always said, the average women doesn’t enjoy screaming and being a source of angst to her man, she actually hates it. When we do act that way, it’s because we are frustrated and that’s the only way we believe we can get your attention. Just holding your girl after a fight and saying ‘baby, I’m sorry’ can actually calm the most cantankerous of situations. But as my friend said getting a man to say sorry, even when he is clearly in the wrong, is a looooooong ting!

Some men have been led to believe that just being the provider for a woman is enough. Truth is for a REAL woman, your money is a bonus, you are the catch. I’ve been smitten by men who never gave me a dime but treated me like a queen and for the ones who did spend quite a few bucks but never seemed to have my time, well, let’s just say that the gifts really didn’t produce the desired effect. Even when I think back on old relationships, the memories I have are of us spending time together, laughing and sharing intimate whispers.

So, like I told my married friend, sending the gifts to your wife ahead of time is one thing, but make your time with her this weekend count. And to all the men out there, the Valentine’s gifts are nice and do make us feel special, but remember that there’s more to loving a woman than just the cakes and flowers, we also want you.

**Editor’s note: See Tobi Atte’s piece HERE for ideas on how to show you love your woman without spending money

Photo Credit: theatlantic.com

Glory is the host and executive producer of Inspire Series, the web talk show which uses the collective stories of everyday women to inspire others. She believes women are more than hand bags, hair, make-up and other externalities and is passionate about about pursuing purpose and living above societal conformities. She is also a day dreamer, and romantic at heart who loves TV, food and family. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @inspiredbyglory and read more from her on www.inspiredbyglory.com

64 Comments

  1. Tee

    February 14, 2014 at 11:25 am

    A man being reliable and keeping his promises is it for me. It is also a deal breaker if i can not rely on you to be there for me and the lads!

    • Newbie

      February 14, 2014 at 3:52 pm

      Sorry, which lads again?

  2. lila

    February 14, 2014 at 11:31 am

    thanks gloria.just listened to Hunter Hayes “Wanted” (you just gotta love country music) the song captures it all….

    • zahra

      February 14, 2014 at 3:18 pm

      OMG! i just listened to the song and i am in loooovvveee…..i am also a country music fan

  3. Yinka Ademola

    February 14, 2014 at 11:32 am

    This makes a lot of sense. Unfortunately, many of the men who need to learn from this won’t even read it.

    • Oyinade

      February 14, 2014 at 1:43 pm

      Do what I did! I sent the article to my man because I’m pretty sure, he ain’t seeing it, anyway else and I want him to get the message.

    • Debbie

      February 14, 2014 at 2:48 pm

      I just sent to mine too 🙂

    • Bide

      February 14, 2014 at 4:21 pm

      Lol..Just sent to mine too

    • Tosin

      March 3, 2016 at 9:19 pm

      I’m reading this article, sure it’s profound, it seems to be true of women I know, and yet I know I don’t get it. If I was a guy it would be so hard to deal with a woman…it’s like the opposite of the way I look at things.

  4. jinkelele

    February 14, 2014 at 11:42 am

    a kiss on the forehead in public – *swoons*
    I thought I was the only one
    Thoughtfulness has always been my love language

  5. Blossom

    February 14, 2014 at 11:51 am

    Eiya.. Gloria, you really need a man, nne.

    • Fountain of Paper

      February 14, 2014 at 11:55 am

      You really need to learn to spell. G-L-O-R-Y. Nne!

    • Jane Public

      February 14, 2014 at 11:56 am

      oh you are the same person who asked if that Nigerian who just got appointed as the head of the New York Housing Authority was married. I can really see how your brain is wired. Ehya for you. Having a man is the best thing you have ever achieved. Big hugs dear. It can’t be easy seeing accomplished women while all you have is a man. It must really be hard. Big hugs

    • AA

      February 14, 2014 at 2:26 pm

      Don’t mind her. She most probably just got her first boyfriend so she feels like she has accomplished something. It will pass, she is young and naive

    • Iris

      February 14, 2014 at 4:48 pm

      *Falls over laughing* Please BN commenters not today abeg. LMAO

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      February 14, 2014 at 5:03 pm

      You should understand some Commenters: Sometimes they post enraging/attention seeking comments to generate, well, attention, and traffic under their comments.

    • Autoprincess

      February 14, 2014 at 12:10 pm

      And what part of the article makes you so sure that she has none, hmm? Abi you are one of those frenemies who go on social media to talk shit about their ‘friends’? Dundee united!

    • Autoprincess

      February 14, 2014 at 12:10 pm

      Anuofia!!

  6. Autoprincess

    February 14, 2014 at 12:11 pm

    Now sending this link to dear husband…

  7. Tee

    February 14, 2014 at 12:34 pm

    This is so me!!! Love love love the article…. Why do people really hate on other people’s effort

  8. ifeoma nwawe

    February 14, 2014 at 12:46 pm

    Glory, its been a while.. Its good to have u back on this platform..

  9. nwanyi na aga aga

    February 14, 2014 at 1:01 pm

    Glory dear, where u bin waka go? Welcome dear. Nice write up

  10. ebony87

    February 14, 2014 at 1:09 pm

    This is so true for me. It’s not about you giving me gifts, it’s about you giving me all of you….The attention and the tender moments are enough to earn you loving privileges for a long long time.

  11. QueenofEverything

    February 14, 2014 at 1:18 pm

    Good to read a piece from you Glory. That kiss on the forehead business is the ish… Hehe. Lovely pice, now if only the men are paying attention…

  12. Nonye

    February 14, 2014 at 1:19 pm

    Nice article!

  13. X Factor

    February 14, 2014 at 1:34 pm

    Excellent tutorial…Lesson(s) learnt….thanks Glory

  14. Bee

    February 14, 2014 at 1:43 pm

    So terribly well said Glory, so so well said. God help our men

  15. Adaeze

    February 14, 2014 at 1:52 pm

    So good to read a piece from you Gloria. As a writer (In grandpa’s voice)’ya head dey on point’. This is the best piece I have read in a long while and it’s so true. Girls need to be loved and simple gestures remain marked in their hearts for a long time to come. Happy Vals day everyone.

  16. no heart to hate

    February 14, 2014 at 1:58 pm

    Nice Write-up

  17. Www.MyHairBeautyNIGERIA.com

    February 14, 2014 at 1:59 pm

    Sending this to my boyfriend right NOW!!! thank you Glory!!

  18. Shrewd businessman

    February 14, 2014 at 2:09 pm

    Moral of the story… You helped him spend a ton of money which he would have otherwise saved 🙂 Ok for people that may have a stick up there,… This-comment-is-just-an-attempt-at-light-hearted-humour. Happy Valentines day everyone!

  19. Blessmyheart

    February 14, 2014 at 2:12 pm

    Glory!!! Where have you been? You made me fall in love with BN. It’s good to have you back.
    On the matter, I agree with you totally. Thoughtfulness is what counts

  20. Meee

    February 14, 2014 at 2:17 pm

    Glory, where have you been??? Welcome back 🙂

  21. SweetLikeShuga

    February 14, 2014 at 2:29 pm

    Sent to the boo. Hes not romantic but I like romance and I am used to it. I want to accept and understand him for who he is but as a woman I know I would be lying to myself if I pretended I didnt like what I like and it would eat me up. Yeah I know you like even love me sef but abeg I want romance and things that will make smile from ear to ear at work or gush about you. Just as it is important for men when other guys acknowledge that their babe is on point. Same also for women o. Not saying break the bank but still sending a card to my workplace or even one rose is sweet. Means you made an effort. Means you thought about me. sigh – Some men know how to, some men dont or think they do.

    • olori Tari

      February 14, 2014 at 4:17 pm

      Omg…are you me ? You just typed out the story of my life.

    • SweetLikeShuga

      February 14, 2014 at 5:10 pm

      LOOOL ah so im not alone… it is well dear! They gon’ learn – we must teach them how to love us sha.. otherwise…. send the Oga the article as a start jare… me I cant gurantee not to be emotionally wandering after a while if those romantic spots are not touched, just like men need sex, we need romance. You would think this would be common sense to all by now. sigh.

    • Simsi

      February 14, 2014 at 6:11 pm

      This is happening to me too

  22. AA

    February 14, 2014 at 2:29 pm

    Glory! Glory! I swear, lucky is the man that has your heart. You have spoken the mind of so many women especially Nigerian women. Men feel that all they need to do is put food on the table and a roof over our heads and they are done. Thank you for putting to words how most of all feel. My husband and his evil friends need to read this

    • Tosin

      March 3, 2016 at 9:20 pm

      I’ll put the roof lol, you just put the food 🙂

  23. Simsi

    February 14, 2014 at 2:35 pm

    I agree with this. Its not about d amount of money spent on gifts but showing that you really care. Today’s boring tho. Boyfriend travelled out of town.

    • Victoria

      February 14, 2014 at 8:18 pm

      What!!? Today of all days. how dare he do that. Nxa!!

  24. Esco

    February 14, 2014 at 2:36 pm

    First year of University, and I was dating a girl called Oyinda. I attended a University located in a small university town, so most chaps were sending anyone going down to Lagos to help pick up some stuff for the girls.

    I had a friend called Ogbe who was heading down to Lagos on the 12th of February for a family barbeque. He was supposed to return back to school on the 14th. So I gave him some money, and asked him to get me a really nice card, some chocolates, a bottle of wine and nice silk night dress.

    On the 14th, evening time came and there was no sign of Ogbe. From 6pm, chaps had started sending gifts to their ladies, or driving up to the girl’s hostels to pick their lassies up for dinner before exchanging gifts or whatever. By 8pm, my girl had sent a message through someone that she was waiting for me. An hour later, Ogbe had not come. My girl sent another person with a message saying that she didn’t mind if I hadn’t gotten her anything; all she wanted was for me to come to her room where she waiting for me to come and get her so we could spend the rest of the day together.

    I was about to get set to leave, when Ogbe burst in panting and carrying a huge knapsack. He explained that his bag containing stuff he helped me buy got stolen at the car park on the way from Lagos, and so he had to stop over at Ibadan and pick some replacement articles. He opened his bag to reveal some Cadbury chocolate finger sticks, a really colorful card which sang a depressing tune when you opened it, a bottle of something that looked like Bacchus Tonic Wine and a red ladies thong pant. The pant looked like something the wrestler Jimmy Fly Snuka would have worn. Or the female Norbit.

    I was too weak to start laying into Ogbe. He obviously had bought me some cheap goods and pocketed the change, and was just telling me porkpies to put me off track. Snatching the stuff from him, I promised him that I would get back at him later. I threw the “thing pant” into the thrash, gave the bottle of wine to some heavy drinking dude that lived in the room next to wine, and dashed for my girl’s room.

    She stayed in a premium girl’s hostel, and I managed to get there on time before visitors were prevented from entering anymore. When I got to her room, she opened the door wearing the shortest red dress you can imagine. Apparently, she knew how much I liked, eh, ‘fitted’ dresses and decided to wear one for me on this special day. There were scented candles everywhere, and a 112 CD on repeat in the deck. The room was also empty, as her roommates were all “conveniently” out. Obviously they were in on this arrangement, because the room was usually stacked with loads of girls and their friends.

    I gave her the card I had with me, and started to explain what happened to the rest of the gifts, but she hushed me as she gave me soft kiss. In my mind, I was like wow, something for nothing. Happy days.

    Well it should have been “happy days”, but it was “fright night” for me. For some reason I wasn’t comfortable. Something was wrong. I gave her a cheap looking card and wasted time before showing up, and now I was about to get some? Awoof de run belle o.

    I looked at her outfit; she was nearly spilling out of it. Imagine putting Mercy Johnson in tiny Daisy Duke Shorts, or making Omotola wear one of those tight skimpy dresses Eva Longoria would wear.

    I told Oyinda that I needed to rush out briefly and drop the box of chocolate fingers for my friend Femi downstairs who had wanted it to give to a girl he had been trying to hook up with.

    I dashed downstairs and ran into my Femi and a couple of other chaps I knew as well. Everyone there had handed over their gifts to their girls and were just chilling in the car park of the hostel gisting and having a laugh. Femi said he wasn’t interested in giving the girl the chocs anymore as they had a tiff some moments earlier.

    It was almost 11pm now, and one of the chaps suggested that we all go down to mammy market and get some pints of beer. He offered to get the drinks in, so we all headed down there.

    The guy ordered drinks, and as the waiter brought the tray down, I broke open the packet of chocolate fingers, and everyone dug in. Chocs and beer – what a combo

    The next day when I ran into my girl Oyinda in the class area, she couldn’t even look at me. She called me a “jerk.”

    • AA

      February 14, 2014 at 2:47 pm

      Yes, you are a jerk

    • Ada Nnewi

      February 14, 2014 at 3:26 pm

      I can definitely think of a lot more colourful words to describe you….

    • peyton

      February 14, 2014 at 3:28 pm

      Hope you have learnt your lesson.which oyinda was teaching you it isn’t about money any loser with money can buy gifts but it takes a man with some sense to appreciate that its not the money its the heart that goes with it. I would have felt really embarrased if I was oyinda and hurt. Lesson appreciate the little things.

    • X Factor

      February 14, 2014 at 3:33 pm

      whaaat?

    • Bobosteke & Lara Bian

      February 14, 2014 at 5:11 pm

      Why do I feel like that is not the end of the story, or not the whole story, or it was someone else’s story you were telling…..? Something is missing.

    • SweetLikeShuga

      February 14, 2014 at 5:21 pm

      You love are what they an Oloshi!!! Cheers! Though to be fair you were a youngin and she’s a learner for dating from her set.

    • Sunshine

      February 14, 2014 at 11:01 pm

      Jerk!!! Jerk!!! Kidding. Am sure you’ve learnt.
      Please please consider writing as hobby or professionally. I held my phone very close to my face and digested every single word.

    • Easy n Gentle

      February 15, 2014 at 6:16 pm

      Broda, was going to tongue lash you but then remembered i wasn’t very different from what you just described back in Uni; Not sure I’ve changed sef. But Bros, who leaves a lady in the middle of …

    • tinkerbell

      February 16, 2014 at 11:41 pm

      Esco I missed your writing….keep blogging please

  25. Turi

    February 14, 2014 at 2:57 pm

    Loving this… Totally inspiring. India Arie song comes to mind. “Little Things”! Boy how i love this and i dare say, a kiss on the forehead speaks volumes to me.

  26. Africhic

    February 14, 2014 at 3:17 pm

    I’ve missed your writing Glory, its good to have you back.

  27. Queen Spicey

    February 14, 2014 at 3:32 pm

    I soooooo love a kiss on my forehead in public *mushy*

  28. pynk

    February 14, 2014 at 5:51 pm

    Glory forever making sense. My bf woke me up with a cake, perfume and chocolates. This man argued high water with me last nite oh. Lol. He refuses to acknowledge that it was a valentines day gift, so the cake says “happy Friday pynk”. Lol. I didn’t get him anything because we both agreed we weren’t celebrating the day.

  29. o y

    February 14, 2014 at 6:39 pm

    hello ESco, apart from the fact that you were a total jerk, i think you should consider writing. i felt like you were right beside me giving me this gist. very nicely done.

  30. Dr. N

    February 14, 2014 at 9:55 pm

    I’m easy to love. Just put thought into it.
    drnsmusings.wordpress.com

  31. ivie

    February 15, 2014 at 12:40 am

    Truthful piece.. good one glory. A good heart makes loving me easy. Love the kiss on the forehead too!

  32. Modella

    February 15, 2014 at 12:30 pm

    What a writeup @ Esco…I read it twice

  33. Eve82

    February 15, 2014 at 7:46 pm

    Welcome back Glory! You have been missed..xx

  34. Ib

    February 15, 2014 at 11:09 pm

    THE QUEEN IS BACK!! Another great article. Oh, how I have missed you Glory.Hopefully, we would see more of you this year. BN right?

  35. Anonymous

    February 16, 2014 at 1:41 pm

    If it’s the same Esco I know he is a writer, has his own blog. Quite hilarious I must say. Check him on woahnigeria.wordpress.com . He writes Literati: satires on Nigerian life.

  36. Kryx

    February 18, 2014 at 10:59 am

    Insightful piece Gloria! typifies what I’ve been preaching to my roommate for days. Well, sent a friend to do the honours of getting my boo, something sweet on Vals day. Unfortunately, the dumb guy foolishly withdrew the cash and took it to her. You can’t imagine how dumbstruck I was, when she asked what the 2K was for. Apparently, she knew my account status and how I hadd been anticipating NYSC allawee more than World Cup in Brazil. In the end, she appreciated my motives and gave herself a little treat, sending me all the exclusive shots. As for my dumb guy, I’ll gladly RETURN the favour, whenever such opportunity presents itself.

  37. Like

    October 12, 2014 at 10:24 pm

    Getting a man to say sorry is hard. I had an argument with my ex, a big one and he broke up with me via BBM. Till today, he has tried to get me back but i told myself if he is not apologetic for his behaviours that led to the argument, I will never return to him.. Why is it so hard to say Baby I am sorry…

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