Yesterday I bumped into an old friend who got married in June last year. As we chatted he told me he’d be missing his first Valentine’s Day as a married man because he’d be out of town on business. As our conversation continued, I realised he hadn’t even gotten her a gift and was hoping to buy something on his way back from his trip.
Immediately, I helped him hatch up a romantic plan which included flowers and cupcakes being delivered to her office on Friday, presenting her with perfume and lingerie on his return on Saturday and then taking her for a spa date on Sunday. I organized this in less than 30 minutes and he was beyond grateful. As I recounted the experience to a friend of mine, we realized how most men don’t really know how to love a woman. Unfortunately, many authors and speakers have spent their time teaching women to think like men, or giving various strategies about how to get a man, while less time is devoted to teaching men how to love women. So much so that the art of wooing and courting are almost lost on today’s man.
I told my newly married friend that these gifts would earn him loving privileges for at least a month and he’d go down as the best hubby ever. He didn’t quite believe me. But as a woman you know these things. You know the simple things a man has to do to make you literally take a bullet for him. Most times it isn’t about the money. It’s about the simple things. Keeping your promises, being open and transparent, being emotionally available, communicating regularly, and being a partner in every sense of the word.
What most men fail to realise is that making a woman love and stay in love with you is easy. Most women are emotional, so we like you to make us feel wanted. We want to know that you’ll be there for us and the children, that you appreciate us and when the chips are down you’ll have our back always. As women grow older the things that turn us on become even simpler. My married friends with children tell me how seeing their husbands play with the kids sometimes makes them emotional and horny at the same time. My single friends tell me how when a guy they are into introduces her to his friends as his girlfriend makes them ecstatic and for me, having my man kiss my forehead in public is just the absolute bees knees.
For some reason these simple gestures are becoming as extinct as the Baiji White Dolphin. Simple as it may seem, these actions actually keep a relationship and marriage going. A woman whose man makes her feel wanted (not just physically) usually has a peaceful relationship. As I’ve always said, the average women doesn’t enjoy screaming and being a source of angst to her man, she actually hates it. When we do act that way, it’s because we are frustrated and that’s the only way we believe we can get your attention. Just holding your girl after a fight and saying ‘baby, I’m sorry’ can actually calm the most cantankerous of situations. But as my friend said getting a man to say sorry, even when he is clearly in the wrong, is a looooooong ting!
Some men have been led to believe that just being the provider for a woman is enough. Truth is for a REAL woman, your money is a bonus, you are the catch. I’ve been smitten by men who never gave me a dime but treated me like a queen and for the ones who did spend quite a few bucks but never seemed to have my time, well, let’s just say that the gifts really didn’t produce the desired effect. Even when I think back on old relationships, the memories I have are of us spending time together, laughing and sharing intimate whispers.
So, like I told my married friend, sending the gifts to your wife ahead of time is one thing, but make your time with her this weekend count. And to all the men out there, the Valentine’s gifts are nice and do make us feel special, but remember that there’s more to loving a woman than just the cakes and flowers, we also want you.
**Editor’s note: See Tobi Atte’s piece HERE for ideas on how to show you love your woman without spending money
Photo Credit: theatlantic.com