Lord he is a Christian! His husky voice reverberates above the choir’s as he sings the church hymns, his arms sway loosely in the air like he’s being carried along the the spirit; his skin radiates and glows just like a flawless Angel. Dude might as well be clothed in white and wearing a halo.
For many people religion is an important part of life, thus understandably when it comes to relationships they tend to seek a religious partner, assuming that because this person is religious they will be ‘good’ and carry along with them several godly traits. This is a common misconception that way too many people have, thus when they meet a man or woman that claims that they are a Christian (or other religion) they are so bedazzled and excited by this concept of their partner being religious that they overlook fundamental signs; things that could tell you whether this person is actually the right person to be in a relationship with.
Godliness has always been a trait at the forefront of my list of what I really desire in a man, but more and more I am realizing that this isn’t something that is determined by whether one claims to be religious or not. To me a godly man is someone that possesses traits like being kind, meek, humble, generous etc., whether he makes a conscious effort to or not, someone that behaves like-Christ. And if he really is a Christian then this isn’t something he should be declaring over the mountains, instead naturally it should show in the way he treats you.
Personally, I know that I want to marry a Christian because I want a man that is prayerful in the good times and the bad, will encourage and inspire me to grow in faith, and will strive to raise Children in a godly way, nevertheless I am overtly aware of how for many people religion can be a blinding factor, thus am determined to make sure that it isn’t for me.
The reason I feel this way is because I have come across so many situations where people have entered into serious relationships with self-proclaimed Christians who have beaten them down both mentally and physically. In one case the woman decided to flee from the relationship, ultimately marrying a Non-Christian who contrary to her previous lover, treated her like the queen she was; showing her so much kindness, love, care, generosity and respect that her past pains were nursed away. In my opinion, he was an example of a godly man, although he wasn’t a Christian he was strong in integrity, and showed love and kindness to others in abundance. At the same time, I have encountered Christian men that have left me feeling dubious and shaken, praying to God for a discerning spirit because some people are truly not what they seem:
I remember once I met this guy at university. He was a postgraduate that had newly arrived from Nigeria, looking all preppy and clean cut in his cute V neck jumper and designer boat shoes. He looked so innocent with those big brown eyes against caramel colored skin. We started conversing and not too far into the conversation he had the nerve to ask me “are you really a good girl or do you just say that you are a good girl?” – Now this had me raising an eyebrow, what cheek! Not only was he questioning my morality in a condescending tone may I add, but he didn’t even have the manners to look at me when he was talking; his eyes were too busy chasing after every single girl that walked past. Don’t get me wrong, I was not his wifey, didn’t expect any sort of commitment or his undivided attention all day every day, but if you are having a conversation with me the least I deserve is some eye contact and your immediate attention. As I watched him I couldn’t help but laugh inwardly, this ‘holier than thou’ dude was acting like a downright creep!!! Already I was plotting my means for escape. When I told him to keep his googly eyes in his head he made some smug comment about me fancying him or something, Looord! Proud much???
As the conversation continued he talked, or should I say boasted about his avid involvement in the church. By then my mind had already started drifting; I was too busy thinking about what time Cost-Cutter was closing and how I needed to buy some Ben and Jerry’s cookie dough ice cream before the sale ended, but then something else he said snatched back my attention and had alarm bells ringing in my head, something about how he used to beat up homosexuals within an inch of their lives with his church friends, ermmmm crazy much???
Basically from that short conversation, other than the fact that this guy was outright psychotic! I was able to deduce that he was not the sort of guy I would want to be friends with, let alone date. I could already picture what a relationship with him would be like. I imagined that he would be the sort of man to zealously contribute to the church, gaining the respect and admiration of those around him, but then this same supposedly God-fearing man would sneak around with multiple women at night, and then be overly critical and accusing of his wife when he returned home. He would be possessive, always wanting to be in control of where she goes, who she sees, what she does, and what she wears, claiming that everything is ungodly and ultimately resorting to mental and physical abuse to assert his authority. I felt such pity for the woman that would fall into his trap.
Just from talking and analyzing his body language I recognized that he was:
1) Condescending and boastful– a good Christian should not be quick to judge or make himself seem superior to others
2) Accusative– People that are quick to throw around accusations tend to be hiding something themselves and projecting their own insecurities onto others
3) An eccentric– He used the label of being a Christian to justify his aggressive and abusive behavior. Yes homosexuality is wrong but when did Jesus ever beat anyone up to the point of death?
4)Disrespectful towards women– Not only was he undressing every female that walked by with his eyes, but he didn’t even have enough respect for me to try hiding it! It was like he felt entitled to it. Proud creep!
Christian or no Christian, these are things that I noticed, and it’s about time people start opening their eyes and noticing the same. Funnily enough, a girlfriend of mine also knew the dude and verified that he was a strange individual, so I guess my sixth sense detected something.
Ultimately both men and women tend to be blinded by certain superficial traits, whether that be the person’s religious status, their wealth or attractiveness. It is okay to be attracted to these things but just make sure that they do not distract you from what really matters in a partner, the person’s heart- hehehe I know it’s cheesy but it’s so true! Some men disguise themselves as Christians so that they can reel in good godly women who they then marry, and whilst these women are busy performing their wifely duties they go on with their wayward ways, knowing that these women are trapped in the marriage and will endure hell before it ends.
Similarly, some women appear to be ideal; gorgeous whilst also God-fearing, but one thing one should always do is ‘shine your eyes’. Think about all of their traits: How does this person deal with difficult situations? How do they relate to other people? How would they behave if you were not able to shower them with money and regular gifts yet still showed them love?
That last question is particularly for the guys, especially with the growing culture of superficial women and gold-diggers. If your man or woman still shows you love in the hardest of times then you know that you have got something good. Small signs can go a long way so keep an eye out for those wolves in sheep’s clothing.
Photo Credit: derrhowell.com
Bim Akinmade is a budding writer and Psychology graduate; raised in England but with hopes of one day returning to Nigeria. Communication is key, and she believes that the time is now for people to empower and encourage each other by sharing their experiences and beliefs. Bim recently completed her NYSC in 2012; a tumultuous journey with several twists and turns, all of which are documented in her blog. Follow her on Being Me 360 and on Twitter @Bimmykins2012 to engage in thought-provoking discussions and share your experiences on a vast array of topics.