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Mya Williams: Your Child Is Yours Not Mine

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My best friend and I decided to take a trip out of town. On the day, we got on the train and settled into a booth. Shortly after we had settled in, a lady and her daughter who was about four years old boarded the train and took the two available seats opposite us in the same booth. My friend and I said ‘hello’ and continued chatting away.

A short while into the journey, the little girl got restless which was understandable for her age; she started swinging her legs back and forth, getting off and back on to her seat, amongst other things. Allow me to ,at this point, describe the booth clearly to you; it was one of those that had no table in the middle, we were facing each other with nothing in between us, so in essence we could touch and touch we did – especially as I was the one sitting directly opposite the little girl.

She continued to swing her legs as far and might I add, as hard as possible and every time her feet hit my shin, I’d tuck my legs even further away to avoid the pain of another impact. That was all still fine. However, what baffled and pissed me off the most was that this was being observed by her mother and not ONCE did her mother say to her to stop it. Neither did she offer me an apology or get her daughter to apologize.

She would just smile that “you know how kids can be” smile at me and shrug her shoulders. Literally seconds after my friend and I had decided we were changing seats, the little girl produced the final straw that broke the camel’s back. She stopped swinging her legs and rested her feet on my knees, such that the sole of her little pink sandals were resting on my cream trousers. I was in so much shock, my mouth fell open! I immediately whipped around to look at her mother, definitely expecting a solid apology this time and immediate nonstop placation, only for me to be given that smile again.

I didn’t know when I slapped the girl’s legs off me; both girl and mother were shell shocked. Even after displaying such bad behavior, the mother had the nerve to say to me “that was unnecessary, she’s just a little girl”, to which I responded “then you either need to discipline her or take responsibility for her actions, after all she’s your child not mine”.

It seems a handful of parents have this mentality, definitely not ALL and not the majority either, but a good number do. I don’t think we should assume that because we have chosen to bring children into the world and we love them, therefore everyone else must love them and tolerate their idiosyncrasies just like we do.

What happened to simple politeness and teaching your child good manners, rather than just expecting everyone else to deal with it. This is how we breed spoilt children. Please don’t misunderstand me, kids are part and parcel of the fabric of society. I have two lovely nieces myself, whom I love to pieces, but even as their Aunty (and Godmother of one), I try to ensure that I set them straight when they go wrong. They both have their “please” “thank you” and “sorry” locked down and they are 3 and 5. It is all in a bid to help them grow into decent, polite and well-mannered adults.

Let us not forget, that while we are celebrating our own “choices”, there are many men and women out there who do not even want children and that is their own choice and it should be respected. Now, imagine the look such a man or woman will give you when you tell them “she’s just a kid”. He or she is not obliged to “understand” your child’s bad behaviour. Frankly, they don’t know you, probably couldn’t care less or may not even like kids.

I broached this topic with a few people and below are some of their experiences and some of mine:
Bringing infant kids or toddlers to the cinema – One time I was at the Genesis Cinema at the Palms, Lagos, to see a movie and there were no less than four young children in there, crying at different times (it was not a kids movie). Not once did any of the parents step outside to appease the child as a sign of courtesy, when the crying became incessant. Now I can barely say I watched that movie.
Changing diapers at the restaurant table, rather than getting up to go to the restroom to do so.
Holding the door open for a mother to push her buggy through, only for her to breeze past with not so much as a backward glance, talk less of a “thank you”.
Leaving your child to wander around the church hall, restaurant, department store etc – Assuming he or she will meet a smiling face at every stop – How about the fear of kidnappers if nothing else?
Allowing your child to cause a raucous in the grocery store – Just because he/she feels like it or because they didn’t get the toy they wanted.
Not SEEN to be trying to appease a wailing child on the plane – Now I know this one is tough but at least TRY. The plane is filled with people with different objectives (business, leisure, medical etc). Don’t say “they will understand”. I once observed a woman on my flight with her 9 month old, the boy cried literally almost every 20 minutes for at least 5 minutes each time, yet she never stopped trying and throwing apologetic looks around the cabin.

The sheer effort made me get up and ask if I could help, I ended up taking him on a walk round the cabin, I did a couple of laps, which quieted him for a while.

Raising kids is no easy feat; parents should be commended, especially mothers around the world who have taken on this job, one that comes with no pay and is usually taken for granted. Most say the love of the child is reward enough. I, however, urge parents to please take cognizance of people around them and be receptive to others needs as well.

Photo Credit: eurthisandthat.com
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Mya Williams is a fiercely passionate and fun loving rebel/ nonconformist. She loves to write in her free time. She emphatically believes that certain societal customs and norms must be challenged if one is to have a fulfilled and happy life.

Mya Williams is a fiercely passionate and fun loving rebel/nonconformist. She loves to write in her free time. She emphatically believes that certain societal customs and norms must be challenged if one is to have a truly fulfilled and happy life.

172 Comments

  1. mo

    March 27, 2014 at 10:44 am

    this piece is so on point. Parents these days seem not to have an idea of how to control or discipline their kids. I am a mother myself and the things i see in public is shocking to say the least. The other day, a lady locked her kid in her car supposedly to ‘pick up’ stuff from a supermarket and ended up jisting in there with her friend… the poor kid (less than a year old i might add) wailed for so long i nearly broke the windshield to get to the child!!! and guess what she came with this stupid look at the people who had gathered round her car as if she couldn’t understand what the fuss was about…

    • ao

      March 28, 2014 at 1:10 pm

      This piece is NOT on point. The viewpoint expressed is unbalanced and extreme. Clearly, the writer does not have a child. While parents should manage their child(ren) in public to minimize discomfort to others, it is not as easy as one may think.

    • Vivian

      March 28, 2014 at 3:37 pm

      Then do not bring your children out into the public. Some parents do not even make attempts to control their children. They leave the children to run riot.

    • ao

      March 29, 2014 at 12:59 am

      @Vivian. What kind of response is that: “[t]hen do not bring your children out in public”? Does that sound practical? Please, if you don’t have anything intelligent to say, then just shut up.

    • ant

      March 29, 2014 at 3:57 pm

      the piece is very on point my dear. there are way too many badly behaved children out there whose parents do exactly as is written in this article, expect you to accept their children’s bad behaviour just because. i totally agree with this article and would have done exactly the same thing that she did. I have no obligations to like your child nor do i have any to accept your child’s bad behaviour which of course models what the parent has made acceptable from him/her. If that is too much to ask, considering that it is your child and not mine, then please kindly keep your child away from me.

    • L'afrique

      March 30, 2014 at 4:44 am

      @ao you and uzo should get together and write a pity song about the hardship involved in making your kids behave well in public. You both have excuses flowing in your stream.

      “Not as easy as one may think” yeah but the writer would like us to make the effort. The mum in the article clearly thought it was cute for her kid to act the way she did.
      I am a mother and yes my kids try to act up but the difference is I don’t sit back and smile or let them get away with no apology to any person affected.

      Shine your eye oh!

    • Beyoncedoesn'tknowyouexist

      March 31, 2014 at 3:37 am

      Are we reading the same article? All she said was that parents should be responsible for their children! That child would have been lucky if all she got was a push for putting her feet on MY trousers what rubbish. And as for women breezing past without saying thank you after you open doors for them, that is unacceptable whether the person has a child or not. This article is SO balanced that the only explanation for your response is that you think the behaviour of the parents and children depicted in this article is acceptable.

  2. happy erica

    March 27, 2014 at 10:48 am

    nyc one..parents shud try 2 raise their children to b respectful

  3. mrs chidukane

    March 27, 2014 at 10:51 am

    I was very sick and admitted in the hospital and while I was taking infusion, this couple allowed their son wander and the nurses were asking for the boys parents and they turned deaf ears.Just for me to feel pain in my hand,i opened my eyes and saw that the boy was pulling the infusion needle out of my hand. I was so weak but if you see how I screamed at him!The mum now came that he didn’t do it on purpose, he’s a little boy.Of course he didn’t! You’re supposed to be a parent and keep him away from trouble, jeez.I think sometimes mothers are just tired of chasing after their kids and so let them run amok

    • Fashionista

      March 27, 2014 at 11:38 am

      Ha!!! That could have been so dangerous. Of all places, you need to double watch your child in a hospital, come onnnnn!!!!

    • Zii

      March 27, 2014 at 1:15 pm

      Seriously! Am in shock, some mothers ehnnnnn, dat boy will kill himself then she will know he is truely a child that needs watching

    • Beyoncedoesn'tknowyouexist

      March 31, 2014 at 3:41 am

      “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him”
      – Proverbs 22:15, Children do silly things all the time it is part of being a child, that dangerous situation is an example of how children do things without thinking almost, PARENTS WATCH YOUR KIDS!!!!

  4. Omotoyosi

    March 27, 2014 at 10:58 am

    Nice! Me likey…

    • bee

      March 28, 2014 at 12:31 pm

      me likey too.

  5. Jk

    March 27, 2014 at 11:00 am

    Thank YOU for this piece. I though I was the only one that gets irritated when some parents with ill mannered children in public places expect you bear all kinds, all in the name of “they are just kids”.

    Talk of taking a bus and the woman sitting next to you practically drops her baby on your thighs and expect you not to complain because she is carrying 3 children on her laps at the same time. Why can’t she just pay for 2 seats for a 6 hours journey?
    They will rather inconvenience you and expect you to smile about it,.

    • Xristybabes

      March 27, 2014 at 12:08 pm

      Lololo…so so funny!

    • Beyoncedoesn'tknowyouexist

      March 31, 2014 at 3:43 am

      My Dear THANK YOU!!!!!!! Am I the person that got you pregnant? Better go and look for the father of your children to inconvenience. Rubbish. Children do not make people inconsiderate and mannerless. Those women were very silly before they ever got pregnant, they now use their children to inconvenience the world and raise children just like them.

  6. Topanto

    March 27, 2014 at 11:03 am

    Awesome”””’ please mothers we need to teach our kids the Magic words”””””’

    • Carliforniabawlar

      March 27, 2014 at 7:15 pm

      GBAM!!! My bff just sent me a video of her 18month old son slapping himself on the wrist every time she said “Smack Smack”….the video was so funny, plus he had a smirk on his face too….
      My mum raised us as ‘butter’ o… We could express all our madness in the house but once a visitor comes in or we stepped out the door we wan behave die. My mum had magic words, looks, even coughs sef! lol. One time I overheard one of my mum’s friends telling momsi she had turned her kids to robots….hahaha!! this was especially hilarious ‘cos it was back when we all dressed the same…all 5 of us!!

    • lol

      April 8, 2014 at 11:26 pm

      im the type of girl who can never raise a spoilt child. growing up i always had a neighbours kid or a family friends kid to look after. i have always loved children so since i was 10 i have always had some sort of baby to look after….. and mehn did i discipline them. i had a family friend who was so spoilt when he was younger. he was the greatest attention seeker i knew back then. he was so rude and aggressive. but we thank God for the job myself and my sister did on him. now hes a lot better. he still gets rude at times. i still correct him. i cant beat him anymore cause hes almost a teenager but i talk to him and all of that. and if he does cross the line.. of course ima beat him. i dont play games. for kids who feel they can embarrass me when i go out. i simply tell them point blank that if they dont put it together this would be the last place they would go to in a very long time. and for those who tried to test me. i always showed them that i kept my word.

      i guess these things are easy for me cause i grew up with a strict mum and i know if she wasnt the way she is. i would not have ended up being such a lovely young lady…….

      i am a firm believer of the spare the rod spoil the child philosophy. for it to be in the bible. it got to be true. now im against parents who beat their kids like they are slaves or whatever but u have to discipline ur child. especially when he/she is little. also parents should learn to talk to their children. let them know what they did wrong and why u were mad and why u had to beat them. no one has time for spoilt kids. please our children are the leaders of tomorrow and manners matter so we cant afford to raise spoilt children

  7. bae

    March 27, 2014 at 11:05 am

    U need not say it better. So true! The list is endless of what you do for them. It starts from birth
    1) Stand up for a pregnant woman to sit down, she will do that and won’t even say thank you. You will smile becos it’s expected one day u’ll be a mom.
    2) You try to coo a crying baby, next thing for a mom to do is to carry her baby from where you are and give a befitting cold stare#Shoo.
    3) You greet a woman with her bundle of joys around her, she ignores you when she notices you don’t even have a ring to show for. U ave failed woefully for not being a woman! I can go on and on but I ave to stop. Parents should try to make their children to be more respectable and try not to suspect everyone who helps them out, even though they ave motives behind it!

    • kilipot

      March 28, 2014 at 10:36 am

      Hmmm. This is another angle to it.

  8. Teni

    March 27, 2014 at 11:12 am

    You are right, some people just expect you to understand that their child is becoming so spoilt… We need to start inculcating good attitudes into these kids at their young age because this is their formative years. I see myself as a disciplinarian so i understand you very well!

  9. Ena

    March 27, 2014 at 11:14 am

    once had one of such kids pinch my face with her surprisingly very sharp nails. kid almost drew blood and all her mum could do was smile and say “oh these kids, the way they can disturb”. not even a simple sorry! i was livid with rage and told her pointblank that i’d spank the girl if she did that again! needed to see the look she gave me….like i was so mean or something

  10. Sylvonce

    March 27, 2014 at 11:15 am

    Well said, hope dose kinda parents learn. Av had such similar encounter buh in my case, d mum thanked me. Question I asked myself was, “So she ws waiting for me to admonish d child or wht?” Odiegwu.com! May God give us all wisdom to bring up our children in d ryt way.

  11. Sophie Daniels

    March 27, 2014 at 11:17 am

    I really do love this piece, am a mum,and I really don’t tolerate stupid behavior from my kids,but most women out there don’t see it so, everybody forming “aje bur baby” so therefore don’t smack or correct my child, and tomorrow when the child grows up manner less we would say its one uncle from our village, u were patient sef, from the beginning I would given that child a hard,scary look! That wud make her sit up

  12. NN

    March 27, 2014 at 11:42 am

    I cant forget the plane experience to Abuja, i didnt know which was more painful, the noise from the aeroplane that was deafening my ears or the shout from the kids and the woman didnt as much as say sorry to me or try to appease the kids. Not until a fellow male passenger couldnt take it again and spoke up but he was immediately called a very mean man who would make a mean husband and bad father. Nice write up and i agree absolutely

  13. Ajobi26

    March 27, 2014 at 11:43 am

    You left out the women that take their children to the clubs…hehe. To be fair on the mothers especially the young ones, it is not very easy combining motherhood, career and loads of other commitments. i use to be very judgmental of such mothers before but i have a different perspective: these are young girls whose lives must not change because of another life. tho it should :))

  14. Fumeflakes.blogspot.com

    March 27, 2014 at 11:48 am

    Great Piece, a teachers 5 year old kid once punched me, it was so painful i wanted to do the same to him.

  15. Dr. N

    March 27, 2014 at 11:48 am

    My sister, thank u for helping us vent. Being seen to be making an effort is what counts. People want to see u caution d child. I can’t stand it myself. This nouveau riche syndrome is eating at parents. Would u imagine a child sent his nude pic to school mates and d teacher who disciplined him was sacked? His parents insisted he is just a child n shd not be punished! Ha! I don’t take rubbish. Keep your brat away from me! http://www.drnsmusings.wordpress.com

  16. i no send

    March 27, 2014 at 11:49 am

    i agree with most comments but let me just say i used to have these strong opinions until i became a mum myself … but that is not to say we should condone out of control kids…

    • Non professional opinion

      March 27, 2014 at 12:56 pm

      I have to agree. I was raised by a strict mother and I am strict with my kids because I can’t stand ill mannered children. That being said, my son sometimes cries for a second cookie and I let him have it etc, which is the kind of thing I swore never to do. As for allowing my kids to kick, pinch,shout or remove drip from people!?! Dencia will sooner become black.
      The only thing I disagree with is the plane issue. Travelling on a plane is very uncomfortable for small children, and I will not spend the flight apologizing for the fact that my kids are suffering. I tolerate nasty colds, body odor, oversized elbows, nasty toilet habits and ignorance of safety rules from my fellow passengers. Singling out children, and expecting their parents to sit in shame while the child’s ears are killing them….ain’t nobody got time for that!

    • Dr. N

      March 27, 2014 at 1:58 pm

      Abi? I apology, then I shut up. Lol

    • Dunni Obata

      March 27, 2014 at 2:31 pm

      I’m sorry, but I will have to disagree with you on that issue of children on planes. My boss has 2 young children and she doesn’t take them on flights at all. She holidays with her family in Europe and they drive everywhere. The day she mentioned it, I said huh? Why drive to Belgium, Italy and the rest when you can get on a plane. She smiled and responded with, “spoken like a woman without children”. She is a mother herself and she doesn’t agree with the way mums handle their children on planes. Of course, she knows she can’t 100% control how hers would behave, so she just doesn’t take them until they are old enough. Before someone jumps on me, I know this cannot work for every mum, my point is that, Mrs F…. is also a mum too and I am sure if circumstances dictate that her children have to fly, she will try her best to handle her children, because she understands how upsetting it can be to other people. Some mothers don’t even try at all. I have seen such too many times to count. They expect you to just deal with it. Errrr, hello, you made your choice to fly with a young child, I am sure there must be something you can do, or at least look like you are doing something. Some allow their children run all over the plane, waking people up, pinching people, one even picked out of my food and put in her mouth, upsetting the air hostesses, getting in the way of the food trolley, I can list for days and their mothers just sit there and do nothing. I was on a flight once where the mum even SLEPT OFF and left the air hostesses to deal with her kids. Phlease. I am tired too now, we are all tired. I was on a flight once and this toddler (not baby) cried ALL THROUGH. A 3 hour flight. He only slept 10minutes to landing, out of sheer exhaustion I am sure. His mum did zilch. Guess what, just my luck that same child WAS ON MY RETURN FLIGHT. I don’t drink, otherwise I would have had a stiff Vodka to send me to sleep. He also cried all the way back. As for badly behaved kids in public. Don’t even try my mum with that one. You will kick a stranger, oh dear. Let me just stop there.

    • Bummite

      March 27, 2014 at 3:12 pm

      You are so on point. You actually sound like the only mum here.

    • i no send

      March 27, 2014 at 4:52 pm

      u have articulated what i was trying to diplomatically say @ non-professional

    • Cassie

      March 27, 2014 at 5:11 pm

      I am sorry if this reply comes across as harsh, but saying you won’t apologize for your children’s disorderly conduct on planes is the exact point of this article. It is the attitude of parents like you that enables these children and makes it hard for others to be sympathetic when these children act up. As a parent you can’t enforce some rules in certain in environment and let up in others. If you want to ingrain discipline in your children the rules have to be enforced at all times, no exception.
      JUST BECAUSE YOU CHOSE TO HAVE CHILDREN DOESN’T MEAN THE WORLD HAS TO PUT UP WITH THEIR RAMBUNCTIOUS BEHAVIOR. Like you, they paid for their flight and are entitled to their piece of mind and not to be subjected to your unruly children. Hence, the least you could do is to apologize to them. Put yourself in their shoes and be honest if yourself, how would you feel if a passenger makes no attempt to rein in their unruly children and to add insult to injury makes no attempt to apologize. Flying in such an enclosed area is stressful enough, no need to compound it with rowdy children. Besides, if flying is stressful for your children (as usual making excuses for unruly behavior instead of addressing it), try other means of transportation!

    • Cassie

      March 27, 2014 at 5:22 pm

      *peace of mind*

    • Non professional opinion

      March 27, 2014 at 5:54 pm

      @Cassie and Dunni
      Maybe we are not talking about the same thing, because you are telling tales of kids running wild though aisles and general rambunctiousness. Those are NOT my kids. I’m talking about babies and toddlers crying, which seems to be something non-parents think parents have a magic knob to switch on and off. I have friends who drug their babies with codeine so as not to incur the wrath of people like you. @Dunni, if your friend has chosen not to enter planes so as not to inconvenience fellow passengers with the horror of a child crying, that is her own personal pancake, I will not emulate her because I think it’s absurd and impractical for many of us. The same selfishness and lack of humanity that fuels people who let their children run all over the plane is also what makes others so precious and intolerant. I’m sure when you were 14months old and were put on a plane you were both paragons of decorum, but my son wasn’t because his ears hurt and he cried. I will NEVER apologise for that.
      When I was learning to drive I was so conscious of inconveniencing other drivers by stalling or making mistakes because nobody likes getting yelled at, and my instructor told me to relax because everyone on the road had been in my position and people waited for them and they will have to wait for me. This is the same thing.

    • Sparkling2013

      April 1, 2014 at 5:17 am

      I agree with you 100% and couldn’t have said it any better !!!!

  17. lamide

    March 27, 2014 at 11:53 am

    The one I find most annoying is bringing babies to the cinemas.i can never wrap my head ard it,is it by force,all in d name of being funky,i can take my baby anywhere attitude. Wen u complain,some illiterates will say,haa its because u dont have kids yet. Rubbish. Im quick to give a cold stare to any unruly child ard me. I find it very annoying esp wen d mom gives u d look of hes just a kid

  18. Nadia

    March 27, 2014 at 11:55 am

    I had this experience with my cousin’s child.The child kept saying “you are stupid” and the mum sat there doing nothing. He said it like three times and each time I glanced at her yet no word from her. Next thing I gave the child a big old smack on his bum and that’s when the mother decides to speak. That don’t you ever beat my child,you are teaching my child violence and if you touch him again,I will beat the hell out of you.Lets just say it ended up badly to cut the long story short, he called me stupid again,I gave him another smack and she beat the hell out of me.I don’t know if it’s the disciplinarian in me but disrespectful children and their parents irk me.

    • Non professional opinion

      March 27, 2014 at 1:04 pm

      LMAO!!! You are a crazy person.
      On a more serious note, the child didn’t touch you, you didn’t have to hit him. I’ve been in your situation before but the child was hitting me. I warned his mother loudly, after collecting 3 abara, that it’s best you come get your child, because if he hits me again, I will retaliate. She didn’t, he did and if did as promised. Then she came to get him.
      Your own story……..LWKMD.

    • Eziokwu?

      March 27, 2014 at 10:35 pm

      Are you joking? The child has to hit her first before she beats him???? Did she beat his mother first for the mother to beat her up?

    • Obi

      March 28, 2014 at 6:10 pm

      But isn’t it more troubling that she (the mother) chose to react to the adult and not her own child’s ill manners? Reminds me of parents who would rather come to the school to embarrass teachers and school admin when they suspend the kids (not beat or molest o, just suspend … why … because they don’t want to be held for laying a finger on the child) … I read your previous comments and I get the idea that you try really hard to be a great mom. To discipline your children and keep them straight. But there will be those moments when even your best efforts will not yield much fruit. That’s life. But to excuse a bad mother is just not right. From what this person said, it was her cousin’s kid and she probably felt that like family she could spank the kid. After all, the mama was not going to anything. I remember a time when in church, this kid was crying (she’s family). The mom tried to shush her but the kid wasn’t having it. We all know the kid has a tendency to wail and carry on for attention (and in my opinion, the parents indulge her at times), but for those of us sitting behind them, hearing the speaker became impossible. You can’t tune that out. So, me, I carried the child out; yeah she was wailing at the top of her voice, but I do tend to turn a deaf ear to her cries when I’m on a mission. So, I took her outside and went for a walk far away from the church building, carrying her. What happened next got on my nerves so much, I decided (temporarily) never to help quieten her ever again. The mom got up to look for us. I could see her looking for us, and saw my hubby pointing to me and the kid where we were sitting on a bench somewhere. The mom came and took the kid and gave her the very thing she had been asking for before the wailing. In other words, baby its okay to throw a fit, it gets you what you want. I’ve tried in many ways to tell the parents that they need to allow other close family members help keep the kids in check, but the mom especially prefers to be super woman, but then it tells on her cos she’s got a lot on her plate. Ok, in conclusion (lol), there is a time and place for everything. We are responsible for out children, and there is a LOT of work that goes with that. Its no easy feat. But don’t be hard on those (mothers and non-mothers) who feel more can be done by seemingly lazy parents.

    • Warri Babe

      March 27, 2014 at 1:27 pm

      My experience is quite similar but it was when I was much younger. We used to live beside 1004 barracks and they had all sorts of characters…one evening,one of my uncles sent me on an errand to buy bread for him and on my way, this little girl (shouldn’t have been more than 4years) started calling me a witch#see me see goodness# and her mum was there gisting away!!! I kept walking but she followed me and kept calling me a witch infact she was pulling my dress and her mum didn’t say anything…at that point, I got upset and ‘tapped’ the child to free me, mehn I didn’t know where this slap came from..her mum’s beating was serious. When I got back to our flat, my mum and uncles noticed my mood and when I told them what happened, it was a serious fight. My uncles went back to 1004, searched for her using my description and help from their barrack friends and gave her some serious beating. When other neighbours intervened (because her husband wasn’t at home),she gave a flimsy defence and then apologised to me.
      There’s no excuse for a child to misbehave at any age, children observe and when they notice any lag, they take advantage of it….even in the UK, there are some white kids that are very respectful and well behaved despite the society they live in. Character is built from home and children are a reflection of who their parents are…

    • Obi

      March 28, 2014 at 6:14 pm

      Typical example of laziness. The mom would rather pounce on another person than take responsibility for her own kid. What if the kid happened on the wrong person? Perhaps someone looking for a young child to kidnap???

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      March 27, 2014 at 2:34 pm

      @Nadia, I kinda love you for still going for the smack, when you knew there was a beating in store… Hahahahaha! Non-professional opinion is right, you’re cray-cray… 🙂

      Seriously though, that boy’s mother… so it’s okay for her child to go around calling people stupid? I used to hear this oft repeated remark “some people shouldn’t be allowed to breed” and sometimes, I’m tempted to agree…

    • Nadia

      March 27, 2014 at 5:19 pm

      That was not the first time the child had called me stupid in his mum’s presence,everyone in the family agreed with me giving him that smack, like they had all been waiting for someone to do it for them.I see a lot of parents sparing the rod and spoiling the child.LOL I am crazy like that,will I do it again HELL YEAH.They said it takes a woman to give birth to a child and a whole village to raise the child.

    • Que.....what is wrong wit my avatar and ID???*confused*

      March 27, 2014 at 8:25 pm

      Wow, there are certain things I cant even inagine…. cos if a child did dat severally without any caution from d mom (and oh yes, kids know when they getting off easy), I sure as hell wont touch you, but I will welcome u to d real world with a selection of some choice words (and i’ll be sure to swear), which will be remembered on ur 18th bday, d mom will wish I smackd him jejely. #nonsense! My fuse is too short for such madness!

    • Obi

      March 28, 2014 at 6:19 pm

      I typically don’t smack others’ kids; unless they are family. I try other means with non-family. Carry the kid, sing, dance, make faces, any form of distraction. I hate to indulge bad behaviour, whether a kid or a grown up. I’ve done a lot of learning over the years about indulgence, and I know I can’t fix everything. But I can try. I generally discourage parents from giving in just to keep kids quiet. Unless there is no other choice. That’s why I tend to take the child away from the situation long enough for them to forget what they wanted in the first place. But some kids are used to getting what they want so playing the forgetting game with them doesn’t work.

  19. Changing Faces

    March 27, 2014 at 11:55 am

    Article on point. That you love your child doesn’t make it mandatory that others should. My boys are quite active, but i never cease admonishing and correcting them. We can’t get tired of chasing our kids around ; after all we chose to have them

    • Fashionista

      March 27, 2014 at 12:22 pm

      Word!

    • Obi

      March 28, 2014 at 6:20 pm

      Like.

  20. mrs chidukane

    March 27, 2014 at 12:09 pm

    Just remembered one time at PH airport a woman was quarreling loudly with a single lady and calling her a wh**e and all that she can’t trap men with her boobs and then told her 8 year old daughter to go and fight the single lady.”Go and beat her,slap her very well “.She was even pushing the girl,i was so alarmed.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      March 27, 2014 at 2:39 pm

      Ehnnn???? Can we see where all the terrible behaviour presently plaguing our society has emanated from? Na wa.

  21. Xristybabes

    March 27, 2014 at 12:14 pm

    Great article!keep the good work.

  22. Bleed Blue

    March 27, 2014 at 12:24 pm

    I’m a mum too and I totally agree with this article. I won’t stand for nonsense from my kids so I don’t expect anybody to have to condone it either. HOWEVER…

    …sometimes I stop to think…am I really doing it right? Or am I just so self-assured when in reality, I’ve actually missed the mark? To be honest I know God is helping me do something right because my son consistently wins the award for best behaved boy, or star of the week etc in school and holiday camps.
    The reason I raised the question is because I have a very dear friend who thinks she’s bringing up her son amazingly well and he’s the best behaved little boy on the planet…plus she has no patience for other people’s badly behaved kids…but when it comes to her son, he can get away with random screaming and kicking her and other people, ignoring her blatantly when she tries to speak to him (and then he will increase the volume of the TV to the loudest to drown out her voice), not eating his food, throwing it about and shouting at her that he wants something else (and she will always surrender to him oh), running amok when we’re in the mall etc…and she always says “He’s really a good boy but he’s just a child jare”.

    I love the boy to bits and keep praying he doesn’t grow up to be irrevocably naughty. I’ve been really close to talking to her about it but it’s too sensitive an issue. She has such a dependency on, and a strong bond with her son that saying anything of the sort can have some heavy consequences.

    I should just talk to her abi? But he’s only 5, he just might outgrow this phase so I should just leave the matter abi? I don’t know oh…

    • Fashionista

      March 27, 2014 at 12:33 pm

      Biko leave her oh! I can tell you for free it wouldn’t end well. Some people cant take criticism when it come to their kids, husband, wives etc. I’ll say just leave it.

    • D

      March 27, 2014 at 1:17 pm

      I will leave it until he kicks me or does something like that to me. Then spank him if his mother says something. I will then point out the bad behaviour and tell her she would not take that from someone else’s kid. At the end of the day it is ultimately the parents responsibility and they are the ones that will have to live with the consequences.
      I told them to put me with Babies in the children’s department at church when they told me I can’t even rebuke the children if and when they punch me or pinch me. I know my body cannot handle that one so I just told them please put at the front desk or with babies.

    • Bleed Blue

      March 27, 2014 at 3:20 pm

      @Fashionista…lol…I feel you on that warning, it’s a very tricky matter indeed.

      @D…the problem is, this boy will NEVER try all this when he’s with me alone, or with me and my kids.
      Whenever she leaves him at mine, and sometimes overnight…see gentle behaviour oh! He knows I don’t play so he adjusts accordingly. It’s very unlikely then, that he will exhibit his kicking etc behaviour towards me. My eye is too strong for all o’dat. Let me just leave it with the standard Naija closing statement to all conundrums… “It is well”

    • Obi

      March 28, 2014 at 6:27 pm

      @Bleed Blue … it seems that at a tender age, the kid has learnt the art of manipulation. Sad. But this is often the case when parent’s are unable to distinguish between indiscipline and love. Kids are smart. From birth, we all start the same way; I mean it starts with crying for food, poo, sleep, attention, when sick, etc. But as we grow older, we learn “better” ways to get what we want. Of course crying still does it for many/ most of us. But that’s another matter.

  23. Fashionista

    March 27, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    The cinema one is just soooooooooo annoying!! it is just plain wrong. The only reason we can try it in Naija is because those people checking tickets don’t know their job specification. Abroad, if the kid is below the age specified for the movie, your child aint getting in, simple!

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      March 27, 2014 at 2:46 pm

      Not true. When I went to see the movie “300 – Rise of an Empire” just this last Saturday, there was a boy who couldn’t have been more than 10years old there, brought in by his parents. I can’t think of a single reason why they would have done that except they maybe went shopping and decided to relax at the cinema before heading home.

      Once the sex scene started (and I assure you, it was VERY graphic), na so me jejely pack my property waka comot but the lad was there watching with his parents and his two wide open eyes.

      And that’s not the only occasion I’ve had of visiting cinema’s abroad and witnessing children watching inappropriate movies with their folks – same thing happened when I saw “The Counselor” (another senseless movie with gratuitious sex scenes), “Ted”… heck people dey bring their infant babies sef…

    • Fashionista

      March 27, 2014 at 4:48 pm

      That’s interesting, I’ve actually never experienced that. Hmmmnnn my sister I have seen 300 too just recently, and indeed that sex scene was something else!

    • jcsgrl

      March 27, 2014 at 5:00 pm

      Wow odikwa egwu…I guess this is the generation of parents that will be buying condoms and birth control pills for their teens. God help us

    • Ade

      March 27, 2014 at 5:44 pm

      WHen i saw 300 too in this our own Yankee, there were children under the age of 10 there, this was a 10pm showing o, with that graphic excessive sex scene, I couldn’t believe the parents were just sitting there like groundnuts.

    • Esco

      March 27, 2014 at 7:06 pm

      I think the policy for most cinemas is that kids can go see those violent movies if accompanied by an adult. Crazy crazy rule.

      Why wont some kids exhibit outlandish, unruly behaviour when they are allowed to watch inappropriate movies. Kids are like sponges especially in the terrible 2 age bracket, or in the 3-5 year old bracket and soak up anything they see on TV.

      What is sad is that some kids are no longer content to sit in front of the TV, watching a huge pot-bellied purple dinosaur (Barney to you) jump about excitedly like bad eko. I was at a Genesis cinema at Shoprite some time back, and some parents brought their kids to watch the Adam Sandler movie “Zohan”. Are you kidding me? A movie about an Israeli freedom fighter with gay cut-off jeans shorts who had a happy sex appetite and enjoyed romps with over 60 something year old women? And some parents gnash their teeth and weep, when their children grow up to be Anini or Clifford Orji. Ha…

  24. Annie

    March 27, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    I accompanied my friend together with her 5 year old boy to pick up her mum from the airport. When we got there, the little boy just ran off and climbed the escalator…mum followed him and didn’t scold at him even foR a sec..and i was like wth??? she said he’s just a lil boy..ok oh. he does the exact same thing and mum still follows him and acts like he is playing in their sitting room. The next time the boy ran off again and got lost for real at an international airport..the mum now burst into tears.need i tell u guys how we managed to find him…some mothers actions can really be annoying and unbearable

    • Obi

      March 28, 2014 at 6:30 pm

      Does she still let him run off at the stores???

  25. Adaeze

    March 27, 2014 at 12:49 pm

    Thanks for this article. I have a neighbour whose last child can insult for Africa. She’s so rude and she’s about six or seven. Sometimes, her househelps beat her for saying nasty words but they don’t dare let her dad catch them for it.
    I think it’s a ‘butter’ syndrome. Everyone wants people to say, ‘Oh! her kids are butty and can’t be touched’ The bible said, spare the rod and spoil the child. Beating a child doesn’t mean you love him/her less. I wish parents especially mothers could live up to their roles as mothers.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      March 27, 2014 at 2:57 pm

      In fact!! This new-age “butter” syndrome just kills me. So because you want to give your children the best things in life which you may not have had during your own childhood, that’s why the rest of us should tolerate their bad behaviour?

      I see this everyday and I can’t understand it. What I always say to all the proponents of this new style of parenting is that they should please go and study the Royal Family and members of true nobility if they need to find a balance between discipline and affluence. You no dey see as Princes Charles and Harry (yes, I said Harry because even in his ‘bad-boy’ phase, you still won’t catch him acting like a cast member of “Geordie Shore”) dey like people wey get properly disciplined upbringing? That’s what children need much more than the money. Don’t make me discipline your child for you, I don’t want to get sued, abeg…

    • Obi

      March 28, 2014 at 6:37 pm

      Ok. I get butter. So, if you won’t spank, then deny privileges, take away toys, reward good behaviour, etc. We have these family friends that are the total polar opposites of each other. The one family has 3 kids, and both parents (papa is Nigerian, mama is Hispanic) don’t do the whole butter thing. They spank. The kids get a lot of life’s goodies, the oldest boy at 9 is fiddling with transistor and electrical systems (learning toys). His attention span is out of this world, same as his sister and I can see the baby gradually learning by default. The other family, only 1 kid. NEVER spanks, but the kid is equally well behaved. They do the whole talking to, denying privileges, etc. Either family believes in discipline, but have chosen two different ways. That one doesn’t agree with spanking doesn’t mean kids cannot be disciplined. It just has to start early. My mom was the spanker, but my dad hardly ever laid a finger on me. All he had to do was tell me he was disappointed and I was bawling.

  26. njideka

    March 27, 2014 at 12:57 pm

    OMG… totally my point of view and when you get angry they give u dis look like oh she’s not married and she doesn’t have kids so she won’t understand!! Like what the he’ll.. i’ve met very polite kids and for one I knw when I eventually have kids I would raise dem up to b polite,afterall my mom did same,,, I remember the amount of times I was slapped for not greeting an elder properly or for not saying pls,thank u or i’m sorry… it’s pathetic how courteous behaviour are being thrown to the wind

  27. uzo

    March 27, 2014 at 1:18 pm

    Wrong I think u wrong no mum wants and unruly child but as a mum of 4 sometimes I’m so overwhelmed by all I need to do that I blank out n u think i’m there. Sometimes I’m ill but have to go cos I don’t have a choice but to. Did a Lil girl probably trying to catch mums attention n not directing her actions @ u. U probably think her mum is paying attention u don’t knowewhich baby was ill last night and she didn’t sleep or what hubby did or the money for school fees aain’t enough so please be nice and don’t judge but calmer tell her drop your leg baby or u could hurt u r self b as firm as u can n her mum lol probably thank u in her head

    • Lekia

      March 27, 2014 at 1:37 pm

      I see, because she may not have been up last night because of her ill elderly parents and didn’t sleep or what her hubby did or the money for rent or parent’s medication or treatment cost has not been paid yet and she is not sure where the money will come from… I could go on and on. With or without kids, we all loads on shoulders. We should all be considerate of EACHOTHER.

    • Fashionista

      March 27, 2014 at 2:36 pm

      You realise you have just “made” the writer the mother of the child, which essentially is what she’s say, that errr – SHE’S NOT. What do you know the person is going through too? ehn!

  28. uzo

    March 27, 2014 at 1:27 pm

    If u scold for everything u ll die so that she didn’t jump n smack d bejesus outta that kid don’t mean she accepts. As a mum I decide what when where n how I caution my baby and also I work with my child’s attitude. Some kids look @ their mums face and act accordingly some bluntly refuse. I also hate t scold my kids in public I think it’s wring n demeaning for my kids. I teach them how I want than to turn out. I’d rather explain it when I it’s convenient to and I still deliver the appropriate punishment. Most times kids do things out of discovery not unruly so u need t becareful how to caution kids and I don’t want my stubborn kid growingto think I hit and scolded him or her more meaning i favoured the rest I’ll pay for that shit for years so please people judge not let her be a mum @ HER PACE after all u ain’t there to help her!

    • D

      March 27, 2014 at 1:53 pm

      So Uzo, would you let your kid prop his/her feet on someone else’s lap??? since you don’t want to be “mean or belittle” them? My mum was and is still a working mother of 4, there were times she would work all night and we would not get to see her and she had my dad to deal with, she was the one that decided what schools we went too and all the children runs so she had her hands pretty full; but I know that “runs” would never ever wash with her. Kick another human (including my own siblings) or prop my feet ( does the person look like your step stool ?) we were not even allowed to prop our feet on the table at home… I am sorry but that’s no excuse. Like someone said you decided to have those kids, the entire world was not there when you made that decision. So why I should I have to put up with whatever is going on in your life? For crying out loud do you know what is going on in mine? and you don’t expect me to dump my responsibilities on your because “you don’t know what is going on in my life”. So why dump your ill mannered child on me? Infact maybe I just broke that leg your child has decided looks like a good soccer ball or step stool. So you and your child don’t know what is going on in my world either. BTW I am not single so I am not just talking.

    • Bleed Blue

      March 27, 2014 at 1:53 pm

      “I’d rather explain it when I it’s convenient to…”

      Therein lies the main problem…convenient for who exactly?

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      March 27, 2014 at 3:03 pm

      I fully disagree. The child only knows there’s a particular “look”, “glance”, “stare”, whatever… when the child already HAS the required discipline. If not, who born my mama pikin to comot from house begin dey kick person? Before you begin kick, you don know wetin fit happen if you do am, so you go just jejely siddon in all quiteness.

      If the discipline wasn’t instilled in the house, no be the look or stare wey go instill am when the pikin begin dey misbehave. In any case, the writer alreayd said the mother was just smiling so there was zero control over the actions of her child. She can be a mum at her pace in the comfort of her own house. Once she’s outside, she’s responsible for the actions of her child.

    • Nadia

      March 27, 2014 at 5:35 pm

      Oh my goodness,demeaning for the child……..smh.there were so many things I dared not do in public when I was a child because I would pay for it in public and at home.These children know what they are doing and no matter how demeaning whatever you have to do to them seems today,they will thank you for it tomorrow.

    • Non professional opinion

      March 27, 2014 at 6:10 pm

      I agree that you can’t scold for everything because children are constantly testing their boundaries and sometimes they are just being silly, however, you might be missing an opportunity by not scolding your children in public if the bad behavior occurs in public. Children live in the moment, by the time they get home they don’t even remember what they did, talk less of why mummy is screaming at me now. Also they might start to think you are afraid to scold them in public because YOU are embarrassed. My friends mum was like this, and she took full advantage.

    • bisqo

      March 27, 2014 at 7:31 pm

      I scold my kids in public especially if they do things that they know not to do and we have spoken about those actions previously. My kids know they can’t get away with being naughty in public as I would embarrass them (one thing I’ve discovered with my kids is if I wait until we get home or get to the car, they will deny it or say “I don’t remember”, so as soon as they misbehave, I tell them off. I don’t have time for nonsense ). I tell my kids that if they think they can act up in public, then as their mum I will act up too. I’ve done it before so now, they don’t even try me. I can’t stand badly behaved kids… mine or other people’s.

    • Que.....what is wrong wit my avatar and ID???*confused*

      March 27, 2014 at 8:51 pm

      So scolding in public is demeaning for a child who is in development n supposed to be learning, but bad attitude to a strange adult isn’t demeaning to the said adult at all….. honey boo boo, I must urge u to remain in d places where this werks 4 u, n hope ur kid doesnt try this on d wrong person in public, cos u wont forget it in a hurry.

      Your excuse is wack at best. I can’t be sympathetic even if i wanted to… since we’re creating scenarios , u also imagine I’m on that train just on my way back from pulling nightshift at my dad’s bedside (who’s dealing with cancer) then u will give me dat smile n pray for heaven to be on ur side……where exactly will u expect this understanding to come from?? o lordddd!!

  29. Lekia

    March 27, 2014 at 1:35 pm

    I see, because she may not have been up last night because of her ill elderly parents and didn’t sleep or what her hubby did or the money for rent or parent’s medication or treatment cost has not been paid yet and she is not sure where the money will come from… I could go on and on. With or without kids, we all loads on shoulders. We should all be considerate of EACHOTHER.

    • Yolo

      March 28, 2014 at 3:18 pm

      I absolutely disagree. Your rent is your problem not the world’s. Just because you are going through a rough patch doesn’t mean the world has to go through it with you. That is your problem not mine. We all have problems. Some choose to deal with it while others choose to bug others with it. Being considerate of each other is getting up for a pregnant woman or elderly person on the train or bus not dealing with someone’s ill mannered child. Your child is your problem not mine.

  30. whocares

    March 27, 2014 at 2:03 pm

    Ahh Mya, you took what is usually the bane of my travel experience, and typed out my frustrations beautifully. I am that stranger on the bus glaring daggers at spoilt kids. I cannot stand them. I have twin brothers, and they are 8. Please, thank you, they have down pat. Jump up and down on the bus or the train? Who born them? LOOL. I am not close to motherhood, but I have “the look” on lock down, and I utilise it judiciously when we are in public and they start to misbehave.. Sometimes they do get carried away, when they race themselves and they bump into people, and yes I have to apologise on their behalf, but as I apologise, I also call them to the error of their ways… I detest parents that cant control their kids. This may be because I don’t have mine yet, but it cant be that hard to make sure your children behave decently right?

    • Obi

      March 28, 2014 at 6:47 pm

      Thank you. Children have one profession – LEARNING. When you apologize for their behaviour then scold them right then and there, they see that:
      1. the action impacted someone else hence the apology
      2. the action was wrong, hence the scolding.
      You do not have to spank in public if its too hard on you (some parents are that sensitive). But if the behaviour is so bad that you promise a child a spanking once home, deliver. But know what is age appropriate. A 2yr old doesn’t quite connect a promised spanking with bad behaviour. So that’s not the age to delay the cause-effect thing. An older child who can somehow reason with you, no matter how elementary the reasoning it … that’s the child that will do well with talking to and explaining the consequences of his/ her actions.

  31. Hannah

    March 27, 2014 at 2:18 pm

    God bless you. Alot of mothers should read this article.

    I love children, but i HATE spoilt brats.
    One day i followed my cousin to the mall with her son, he just kept on being so annoying about the toy he wanted, crying and stamping his feet. My cousin just kept on patting his head telling him sorry my baby but mummy doesn’t have enuf money for that toy.
    other woman who had a five year old son just like my cousin’s son was there, her was even worst, because her son just kept saying “mummy i dont like you, i want that toy” and the lady and my cousin looked at themselves like if it was a cool trend to have spoilt year old kids.
    they both said to themselves smiling “oh kids, its not easy” as the kept petting their spoilt sons. she then looked at me saying “Hannah, when u have a child u will understand”. i just rolled my eyes because i knew my father didnt raise spoilt children. all he needed to do was to give you THE EYE in public. they born u well to cry again. that will be serious beating when u get home.

    i know i will never raise spoilt kids cos i was very gentle when i was little and my boyfriend is extra gentle sef. lolz. we will defi give our kids what they want and all the love they can get, but the moment you start crying like a goat in public, i will so beat that devil out of you. the bible you should be like kids to enter the kingdom of God, so i have a great feeling kids should not be rude and spoilt because its an ugly character to have.

    as my elder sister always says ” a well behaved child is like carrying an expensive handbag. so train ur kids well so they wont disgrace you in public”.

  32. Priscy

    March 27, 2014 at 2:24 pm

    In church one day, I was sitting close to a house help, the child she was looking after and the mother of the child. This boy just kept slapping the girl, if she tells him to stop, he would start crying. She had to let him slap her till he fell asleep. The mother was aware of all this and said nothing. It was obvious the house girl could not really shout at the boy because her madam was there.

    • Bleed Blue

      March 27, 2014 at 2:45 pm

      Well that’s just sad 🙁

      This housegirl slapping trend…from big name Pastors to little children to the madams…it just needs to stop already.

    • Obi

      March 28, 2014 at 6:50 pm

      For what now? That’s just wrong. The same mother will punish the househelp for allowing the child to break plate in the future, when the child refuses to listen when the househelp tells him/ her not to carry the plate.

  33. tola

    March 27, 2014 at 2:31 pm

    Nice topic..I don’t spare any unruly behavior @ all.. The other day I was walking along the road and a child of about nine (male) came out from the mother’s shop and was weeing on the road just right in front of me with the wee splashing on me..Your guess is as good as mine..Gave him a deafening abara @ d back which made the mother to speak out that he’s only a child which in my opinion made me conclude that he’s been seeing the mother exhibit that same behavior and he’s been doing it for long..#Ijustwalkedaway# smh

    • Obi

      March 28, 2014 at 6:53 pm

      Haha … allowing him to wee in the middle of the road in the first place. LOL. He was pressed? Of course, same as blowing ur nose without tissue/ hanky in public in any random space with no care whatsoever for who might get snot on them. My pet peeves, but indiscipline isn’t like weed that randomly grows among garden plants. It takes cultivation.

  34. Nkem

    March 27, 2014 at 2:38 pm

    i love this article, i have this friend,going to her house can be sooo frustrating bcos of her 3 kids,gushhhhhh, it can be hell staying around them, the worst is that their mum laugh at their stupidity. one day,we went home together and the first daughter(6 years) just rushed to d mum and complained that house girl threatened to flog her,u should see the reaction of my friend to that house girl,and the complained to my friend that the daughter always insults her,calling her names,u know what my friend said to the girl?THAT EVEN IF HER DAUGHTER SLAPS HER,SHE SHOULD CONDONE IT, ehhh i was mad,and i tried correcting this lady,she shouted me down. i just had to the place immediately

  35. Malaka

    March 27, 2014 at 2:48 pm

    What?!? I’m tempted to hazard a guess of the race of the mother and child, and I’m sure I would be right! There is no excuse for bad behavior. But the thing is these children grow into adults who exhibit the same uncomely behavior. I went to the bank recently and as I was entering the bank a very metrosexual man was on his phone chatting away. I opened the door for him, held it open, and never once did he look back and say thank you! No one is entitled to anything, and the sooner children and parents learned this lesson the better!

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      March 27, 2014 at 3:16 pm

      I had that on a recent flight… you know how when it’s time to disembark and the passengers all spring up like jack-rabbits, eager to get off? Was moving down the aisle but a lady wanted to get out so I stopped to let her out and let her get her luggage, na im she just turn waka without saying thanks. It wasn’t a huge slight but I just called out “You’re welcome!” to her back… trust oyibo people to turn red, she actually apologised and said thank you.

      Try it sometime.

    • Sassy

      March 28, 2014 at 10:53 am

      @Mz SA, I love how you subtly addressed Malaka’s intended slight on a particular race. That was uncalled for. Thank you.

    • Dr. N

      March 28, 2014 at 1:46 pm

      Ya head is there! Mtchewww

    • Obi

      March 28, 2014 at 6:55 pm

      Thank you. What has race to do with indiscipline? On the “you’re welcome” one, my sister did it to this lady for whom we opened the store’s doors. Lol. She was definitely reminded of her manners.

  36. mia

    March 27, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    You deal with it when it is convenient? i bet you had your kids when it was convenient!
    i fear for the next generation if a mother can be talking like this. i remember what Iretiola Doyle said when she was asked about disciplining her children, she said if they are not decent enough to respect themselves in public, then she’s also indecent enough to embarrass them in public. mums, please do your job.

  37. Dugo

    March 27, 2014 at 2:51 pm

    Timely article…I was just having this discussion with my mum as to how children of these days are increasingly rude,restless and ill-mannered.She proceeded to tell me the horror she witnessed at her friends house some months ago .A woman came visiting with about 4 of her kids and the last one,a little boy of maybe 5 or 6 was extremely unruly.
    He was running up and down,pushing stuff down,just being very bratty.The boy’s mum was consistently glaring at her soon,trying to see if the little will take the hint,lai lai,the boy didn’t flinch at all…suddenly to everyone’s horror the boy just blurted out in igbo “Mummy, nke a I na eme anya gi otu ahu,onwe ihe na eme gi na na anya?”(mummy,this one you’re looking at me like that,is there something wrong with your eyes?) Imagine???May God help us oh,because the task of raising kids in this our generation is a really challenging one.

    • jcsgrl

      March 27, 2014 at 3:31 pm

      ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…I haff died o! Ok now that’s funny and am I wrong to say I’m proud the body spoke Igbo? I would have busted out laughing so loud.
      Ok which brings me to a question for BNers, my god daughter is quite…oh how can I put it…verbally expressive. Meaning she says what is on her mind but can be seen as insulting or disrespectful. For eg. her grand dad was hugging them goodbye in the morning as she was abt to head to school and she goes “Eww grandpa your mouth stinks. Go brush your teeth.” OR the last time I spanked her she goes “that didn’t hurt and I’m not going to cry.” OR when the grandma spanked her she goes “Don’t spank me again you crazy old woman.” (I’m seriously LOLing while typing this). So where do you draw the line btw a child being expressive and disrespectful? How do you even correct the child when they just had you in stitches for something they said?

    • Que.....what is wrong wit my avatar and ID???*confused*

      March 27, 2014 at 9:19 pm

      I like that kids have no filter for the most part, and yes this certainly gets d adult guardian in trouble, ….. for instance I can see why she wld make d comment bout stinky mouth if its d same thing thats said to her daily in order to get her to brush her own mouth, so some unconfortable moments can be tolerated out of understanding, but u should still caution her so she knows how such statements apply…..however, comments like ‘crazy old woman’ to granny….nwam, u will become granny’s househelp till common sense becomes ur friend o….. such comments need instant n direct addressing. There r some statements, however funny (and yes I know dey can be absolutely hilarious) but bite ur teeth-poker face time or express shock, address it sharply, then enter ur room n laugh wellllll!!

    • Obi

      March 28, 2014 at 7:00 pm

      Just think of the future. True, kids can have you rolling in laughter with the things they say, but if I had anything to say about the upbringing of some of the adults I deal with, I’d say that there should have been more effort put into repairing their filter as kids. Some adults make such scathing comments that you wonder if they have an feelings.

    • camo

      March 27, 2014 at 5:13 pm

      hahhahahahahahahhaha!kikikikikikik! Chai! this is terrible. I replay this scenerio with my mum as the mother not that any of us would ve tried it, but incase u were drunk. She would just order for ‘turning garri'(cant remember the appropriate name for that tool) and teach you a lesson of ur life.

    • Dr. N

      March 28, 2014 at 1:49 pm

      Laddle or spatula. Thank me later. Hugs

    • amie

      March 28, 2014 at 11:04 am

      OMG, what kind of kid is that! The guts……….

    • Obi

      March 28, 2014 at 6:57 pm

      OMG!!!! Looooooooooooooooool. Sounds like something my hubby would’ve done – he doesn’t take hints. So, once you notice that particular kid just doesn’t get it, pls be direct.

  38. jcsgrl

    March 27, 2014 at 3:06 pm

    Hmnn as god mommy of three, those kiddos know I don’t play. Their parents know me too I don’t play. They can get away with murder with their mama but not with me o. But you know what as much as I discipline them (I actually dont spank), but I flood them with love. Those kids do not joke with me. My discipline is tough and firm. I study you to know what you love and then deprive you of that thing when you misbehave. I have stomped on a kindle out of anger because my god son was misbehaving and refusing to give up the gadget. He stood there in shock as my feet landed on his dearly beloved gadget one at a time. then shriked in horror and cried and cried. After crying and when my anger has subsided, I called him and spoke to him and comforted him. Then I had to replace the kindle…lol. Now I don’t allow the anger reach that level. I bring a trashbag and begin to pack the gadgets while taunting them that it will be heading to the trash. See begging and crying and “I’m goin behave aunty.” When in public, I keep them engaged with something to do and they know I am very willing to vacate the mall, grocery store, party as soon as anyone misbehaves. If I warn once, 2nd time oya lets go home. Also I don’t judge people who raise their pickins with gadgets o. Playing games and watching videos on my phone or tablet has been a life saver on many occasions.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      March 27, 2014 at 3:20 pm

      Dead @ you studying them to know what they love. Nne, abeg I need that advice as my godson don dey grow, don dey “sabi something” these days… 🙂

    • whocares

      March 27, 2014 at 4:00 pm

      LMAOOO. My heart stopped when I read that you stomped on a kindle. You are gangsta. loool.

    • Non professional opinion

      March 27, 2014 at 6:18 pm

      With execution of the kindle stomping, your system is my system especially with my son because beating doesn’t work on him.

    • Non professional opinion

      March 27, 2014 at 6:18 pm

      *exception*

    • Sassy

      March 28, 2014 at 11:09 am

      Lolz! You are crazy but nice because I wouldn’t replace the kindle. Food for thought…what if unruly behavior ran in some kids’ genes? I’ve got some nephews below 8years who have been reasoned with, beaten black and blue, ’embarrassed in public’, denied the whole world, pampered but will still disobey in a heartbeat! Funny thing is, their male cousin from their Dad’s side is worse than they are! Could there be ‘something’ in the blood afterall?

    • Obi

      March 28, 2014 at 7:07 pm

      What do they say about love languages? Some people are physical touch-oriented. Others words, gift giving, quality time, and acts of service. The parents and those close enough will notice which ones the child gravitates towards at a tender age, and then use it as more effective tools for upbringing. Some kids only need to be told that they embarrassed the parents for them to cry. Others are clueless with words until you spank them. Some have a mix of languages. Remember, whichever one they gravitate towards works both to correct/ affirm and to tear down.

  39. Dunni Obata

    March 27, 2014 at 3:12 pm

    Oh, I have a classic story. After worship one Sunday, my mum sat down on an empty seat at a table in the restaurant. Then comes this girl that couldn’t have been less than 5 or 6 years old, possibly older. She told my mum to get up from her seat. My mum turned around in shock. You mean, I should get up from the seat? The girl said yes. It is my seat. I was sitting there before, I only went to get water. My mother said No, I would not get up from the seat. This child got angry and started stamping on her feet and pulling at my Mum’s clothes. The Mama that raised me would have given her a very good slap. I remember standing at a distance and watching the drama. Other women around were trying to calm the girl and correct her. You don’t talk to an adult like that, not to talk of a woman my mothers age. This girl refused to listen and went to drag her mum. It gets worse. Her mum who couldn’t have been more than 30 at the most said, yes now, didn’t my mother see her daughter sitting there before. My mum knows how busy the restaurant can be, and there can rarely be an empty seat that wasn’t previously occupied, my Mum should have asked the other people at the table or nearby to find out who was sitting there before. It is her daughters seat, the girl is hungry, and she the mum went to get her food. So therefore, my Mum too should get up. That is when I stepped in and gave her a piece of my mind. Your child was rude to my mum, I kept quiet, but you too as old as you are think your child did nothing wrong and you want to be rude to my mum too? No freaking way. No one disrespects my mum, especially when your brat of a child was wrong and you had the right to defend foolish behaviour. I didn’t even have to say too much before other people descended on her too. She walked away with her child fuming. This was a few years ago. Now imagine that little girl in 20 years. I shudder at the thought.
    You were not allowed to be rude to any maid, driver or staff in my parent’s company. Not allowed. My mother would smack you silly, the person you were rude to will start begging on your behalf. There was nothing like you saying my maid, my driver, or sending them on errands. Let Mumsie hear you, you will tell her which part of the person’s salary you are paying. You would slap a maid, or be nasty to them, you will call on The Lord that day when she smacks you like she is taking life away from you. She will tell you while you are crying to high heavens “they are doing this job as maid and driver because they have no choice and they have to feed their families. Consider yourself privileged, what you have is not a right. If they had what you have, would they be here”? Or can you treat your Uncles so so and Aunty so so like that? This driver is the same age as Uncle so so. No one is beneath you because they are doing this job. This sense of entitlement that “ajebutter” children have these days is astonishing and these are people who will be in positions of authority in the future and we pray that 9ja go better. I just laugh when people say they are taking their children home to learn manners. Which manners. Maybe in our generation and the one before. Now, I don’t see the so called “manners” anymore. I agree with you 100% Mya. Your child is yours and not mine.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      March 27, 2014 at 3:34 pm

      Dunni, as my people say “were aka” (take 5) because you know what’s up. I have turned into a market woman on many occasions very similar to yours. How DARE you disrespect my mother, dem born you well at all?? You must be mad and I’m more than willing to show you that craze pass craze.

      And just like you said, it’s amazing how the very same mother who seemed to have pepper in her blood when I was growing up and able to dispense ample discipline without repentance has suddenly become this mellow, collected older lady who’ll be telling me to “leave them, why are you getting so upset? It’s not important” whenever a bank clerk/random stranger/restaurant staff is rude to her; meanwhile, I don already tie scarf for my waist as I let the admonishment fly freely from my lips.

      She tells me that’s not how a lady should behave and I reply, “you’re my mother and this is the only time I’m allowed to not act like a lady”. Then imagine say that pikin, with her mama come try demselves. My head would have exploded. And even though I can (vaguely) understand the point sought to be made by the child’s mother (i.e. the seat was already taken), the approach used by her and her offspring killed that point straight away and therefore all gloves were off.

    • Que.....what is wrong wit my avatar and ID???*confused*

      March 27, 2014 at 9:37 pm

      Lmaooooooooo @ were aka!!! As no no kidding, there are somethings that shouldn’t be tried at all!!

    • jcsgrl

      March 27, 2014 at 3:51 pm

      chop knuckle sis…my parents raised us the same way. Ehn who born you to mutter the word my maid or my driver? You will use your teeth to cut grass. Our househelps were allowed to discipline us except when we got older. My mom will take their side sef over ours. The generation of kids raised nowadays ehn? Even in nja its astonishing. I don’t know why my people have to copy the wrong part of people’s culture. I have been fortunate to meet oyibo, african americans who raised their kids with discipline and love and the kids turned out beautifully. I have also seen Nigerian parents who raised born and raised their kids abroad as is if they grew up in nja. This one particular family raised 5 boys. Men these boys are epitome of any woman’s dream. They can cook naija food, I mean abacha, ugba, soup, moi moi you name it. they clean, they bake, they went to college, have graduated now 3 are married. and can I also add born again christians. Yup only visited nja once! Infact I envy the women that married the 1st three. Chei, if I was a cradle rocker, I would have considered one of them. If you visit their parents house, they will come out and greet you, then go to kitchen and bring garden egg and groundnut paste. If they baked something they will bring puff puff and meatpie. I could not believe it. Then for lunch they set table for delicious soup and poundo. When the mama said it was the the boys that cooked my jaw dropped. Mind you their mama is a nurse who worked round the clock and their father na taxi driver o! Men that family is blessed shaa. The woman said she raised them like women. When she cooked, one person will be chopping, mixing another will be washing cleaning,. She also smacked the hell out of them too. Going to church was not optional. They went to church and they behaved. They also carried their bible to church. You know just the way our parents raised us back in the day. So it can be done o my people

    • Sassy

      March 28, 2014 at 11:33 am

      @Dunni, I’m sure your mum was proud of you regardless of the fact that you may have caused quite a ruckus. That shows that she trained you well joor. I would do that over and over again because I know my mum would do the same for me.
      My parents never really hit us in public except if the public were family or friends but the beating you’d get at home would ‘follow’ you to the public arena. I remember one day (I must have been around 10 years old) I asked my mum how come she hadn’t beaten me that day, her response was,’ well you haven’t been naughty’. I was amazed because I truly had thought she just hit me because she felt like. My mum was so bothered about raising good kids that once the maid said you did something wrong, she would discipline you without asking twice!
      I would do the same to my children except for the maid part, I would ask twice and hear both sides( our maid capitalized on that and became a blatant liar!). Then I would also spank my children but tell them what they ought to have done right. I remember flaring up at mumsie when I was like 13, she had just spanked me for doing something wrong and told me to go to my room but I insisted I wasn’t going anywhere until she told me the right thing to do!

  40. beacon

    March 27, 2014 at 3:15 pm

    OMG!I have died of laughter!?”(mummy,this one you’re looking at me like that,is there something wrong with your eyes?)”…..as wrong as the act was,I find it funny because the mom was trying to be a disciplinarian and the brat just mad a complete fool of her!

  41. Mrs Nwosu

    March 27, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    Hmmmm the one that gets me is the kids in church when you are trying to listen in on a sermon, they are running up and down and everywhere, i have kids and my kids no better than to try that kinda stunt. On the plane my kids are so well behaved that i get unsolicited help from people, you all know how difficult its to travel with kids, just get them something to occupy them and the write movie and then a parent can breath easy. An errant child is not an excuse to say he 8r she is just a child

  42. Bummie

    March 27, 2014 at 4:23 pm

    Nice write up! Kudos to the writer! She spoke my mind. The one that gets to me is when you are in a public bus and one woman comes in with 3 or 4 kids and she automatically expects u to adopt one or 2. and letting your kids loose in church is just not it. What happens to decorum in public places. Some would even give kids their iPad in church to play games with the sound one. How the hell do you want others to concentrate! Orisirisi happens in this “oyinboish” time and age with “buttyish” attitude

    Growing up my mum taught me to respect other people and not do anything to make them uncomfortable. You dare not bang d door and when we wake up early on Sunday mornings you are extra cautious how you walk, open the door, carry and drop the bucket. Make any mistake and you get “abara” with the notification “awon eniyan yin sun” that is’ some people are still sleeping’.

    When I have my children, I hope to instill discipline into them so help me God!

  43. uzo

    March 27, 2014 at 6:17 pm

    @ D of cos I won’t let ma baby kick anyone. If u read what I wrote u ll get that even doe the kid might mistakenly kick someone her mum might not hv noticed cos her mind might b somewhere else not dt she ll allow it. Everyone has sometime going on in their head but a kid doesn’t know that. That’s where u come in calmly correcting the child or even being firm but not spanking anyone’s child I don’t agree… u could correct calmly n firmly but I won’t accept anyone touching my baby I don’t need your help. Spank yours wwhen u want t spank I love spank mine thank u. Kids will b kids and we all were at one time. No mum is perfect jus as no one is but as she’s been made a mum and it pleased God allow her train as she pleases. There are severally ways of firmly correcting a child without making it clear she isn’t well trained and her mum is unworthy. Please ask u your mum and dad what you did and Im sure you will be stunned. Tell her t drop her leg so she doesn’t hit anyone or even suggest she ll hurt herself or as an adult find a suitable word but don’t go self righteous on the mum and please don’t spank anyone’s kid.

    • D

      March 28, 2014 at 7:13 pm

      @ Uzo if you don’t want me spanking your kid then tell your child not to kick me and the write up made it clear this child did not “mistakenly” kick her, this was a deliberate act. Are you kidding me she flipping put a feet up on the woman??? and it is responses like this that make children believe they can get away with bad behaviour “mistakenly”. Guess what??? I am somebody’s kid too and the last I heard my mama does not like anyone else’s mother or child kicking me so please if your child kicks me or puts his/her legs on my lap. You or your child better be ready for a kick, or an apology and a retribution right there in my presence. What you do with your child is your business but when it affects me then you/child have made it mine right???

  44. uzo

    March 27, 2014 at 6:42 pm

    I don’thave to slap my child in front of you so you know I’m a good parent . Ireti has her rules so do I. I love correct at my convenient my aim is to make my child understand why there’sa ppunishment not just dish out slaps or whatever. Please i’m not referring to issues like a child hitting a help or things like that I haven’t sent that before thank God my kids are grown now and I never had to deal with such. I sstart early to teach respect and if my child who is normally well behaved starts being silly in public thank you for not hitting my kid and i’m grateful for the firm and stern correction. Most times people hit kids wwithout explaining why d punishment had to happen and wonder why the kid keeps repeating the act…I correct my kids depending on what was done some I do straight off some I let lie till I can get a one on one with my child and depending on the act deal accordingly so yes it has to be @ my convenient time

  45. genevieve

    March 27, 2014 at 8:01 pm

    @jcsgrl, i also don’t spank(lol i don’t even know how to). i honestly think spanking doesn’t work for every child. i think you have to learn them to see what they like. e.g when people criticize oyibo people for grounding their children , some people think it is not enough punishment but if you watch them closely it really works for some kids, e.g if you seize their games, ipads etc and restrict their movement. when i was in secondary school teachers were not permitted to flog us except the principal, the system they used for us was suspension and expulsion. almost every week a group of naughty senior boys were suspended because after they had been flogged by the principal they went back to their old ways. we were really disciplined and some people don’t believe me when i say it. calling you to the principal’s office was enough to put fear in you talkless of if he knew your parents. it was the FEAR of the embarrasment your parents will give to when they come to pick you for suspension/expulsion that made many people behave. lol trust nigerian parents and spoiling their name in school. and ooh some people that actually went on suspension were punished by their parents by making them school in naija for uni before they go abroad and enter wahala. lol.

    • jcsgrl

      March 27, 2014 at 11:34 pm

      You are right. I use time outs, withholding toys and gadgets, not taking you out to your fav place, not playing with you, etc and it works. Ok right now I’m babysitting and I want to spank this child for being lazy to think and do simple homework! I mean she’s crying that her simple crossword puzzle homework is difficult. I’m trying to hold myself from slapping her. Imagine tjis oyibo kids. Anyway, I have turned tv off and there will be none until homework is done. I’m going to enter bathroom and calm down b4 I kill somebody’s child. Did I mention she’s crying that reaeeeaaaaly annoying cry…le sigh

    • jcsgrl's mommy

      March 28, 2014 at 3:57 pm

      Concerned citizens of FRN, we’ve heard your cry for help.
      Madam “I want to spank this child cos she is so lazy” need I remind you that you were paid to babysit and not spank a child? Ask your old school teachers if you were that good as a kid that you will get irritated at someone else’s kid? Reserve the spank until you carry a child for nine months and go through labour pains. Don’t you all go self-righteous on BN cos we don’t remember how mischievous we were when we were kids. It takes a whole lot to discipline a kid. For those that get irritated by a kid’s action, wait till you have yours and you can then know what you can and cannot stand.
      And as for those complaining about pregnant women’s lack of courtesy, please the next time you bump into a Preggy lady don’t hold the door for her if you are expecting some form of appreciation. Have you ever heard them complain that they are so weak that they can’t lift their arms?
      Until you walk a mile in their shoes you will get to understand temporal memory loss (aka pregnancy brain)
      Anybody that spanks my kid for no reason (cos the kid irritates him/her) will see 50 shades of my madness.
      Run along jcsgrl, go build a sand castle outside before mommy gets upset.

    • jcsgrl

      March 28, 2014 at 10:16 pm

      Lol at your avatar. I must have touched a nerve! No vex o I’m sure I wont be meeting you or babysitting your wonderful children anytime soon so no need to worry about my hands landing on their bum bum. I actually wasnt paid to babysit…I was helping a single mom out who had to run some errands after work. But aside you do you babes…one love

    • L'afrique

      March 30, 2014 at 4:25 am

      @jscgirl’s mommy now that was a stupid retort! And contradictory too…”for no reason” and then you say “irritates him or her”. News flash my dear, irritation IS a reason.

      I’ve been pregnant. Carried children for 9 months. Three times over. I do not forget my manners because of “pregnancy brain”, so speak for yourself. And oh my kids certainly will never get away with behaving unruly because I carried them for 9 months and pushed them out bla bla bla…

      I hope it’s not too late for you to restructure your concept of raising kids…because the way you sound…you’re probably that mother on the train.

  46. Que.....what is wrong wit my avatar and ID???*confused*

    March 27, 2014 at 10:27 pm

    Ah kids, u gotta love them…..all sorts of crazy and fun….but thats what adults are for- to set boundaries, children need to have boundaries set…else they become a nuisance to people who are not obliged to understand them. Discipline isnt necessarily about spanking sef, discipline is knowing that good n bad actions will attract different consequences, and u have to make a choice which type of consequence u prefer to receive, cos it will come…. a kid that believes he/she can get away with anything will always try till proven otherwise.

    A major with many modern parents now, is that most are trhing to be ‘friends’ with their childden and forget to be parents…. you’re too busy trying to be cool and in the good books of someone with little understanding of how d world works, that u forget to maintain ur most important role of being a sheperd- setting boundaries, creating direction, setting d path to follow, helping them fi d their way if they are lost, etc…. there certainly is room for friendship in d parent-child rship, but it comes best with time, and appreciation for some of the hard choices you have had to make as a parent. You cant be forming friend with an unrepentant wild child n hoping for a miracle….who r u kidding? Do the needful as and when due, and secure urself a peaceful future, not one spent bailing ur child out of one juvenile jail after another!

    Thanks Mya for the article, certainly eye opening… the same way I dont expect any mother to apologise for choosing that role, I also do not expect any contraceptive filled woman to apologise for her choice,….different strokes, respect it.

    • Que.....what is wrong wit my avatar and ID???*confused*

      March 27, 2014 at 10:31 pm

      *A major observation with most modern parents…*. *…most are trying…*

  47. RIRI-ROSE

    March 27, 2014 at 11:36 pm

    Im not very tolerant of ill mannered children a my mom brought me up with iron hands. Go to a friend’s house and misbehave and surely, you knew what was waiting for u at home. I will not hesitate to smack a child of mine when he/she misbehaves. your child is a product of urself and if you are ill-mannered and callous, ur kid is going to end up same way. why should my child throw a tantrum in the supermarket just because I refused to buy her a doll? Totally unacceptable. God help me, I am slightly OCD and hate disorder of any sort and absolutely cannot condone children in adult cinemas or a church or running about on a plane. I was in a bus sometime and this innocent baby had his sneakered feet on my thigh. I calmly told him mom to remove the child’s feet. She looked at me as though I was the devil. Oh, please!

  48. Zikora

    March 28, 2014 at 10:37 am

    Even in church. These days, I purposely come late so I can scope out the space and choose a sit in a row where no nursing mother is sitting. Funny thing is, these mothers don’t discipline their children. I wonder who is the child and mother in that relationship.

  49. Sassy

    March 28, 2014 at 11:38 am

    @Dunni, I’m sure your mum was proud of you regardless of the fact that you may have caused quite a ruckus. That shows that she trained you well joor. I would do that over and over again because I know my mum would do the same for me.
    My parents never really hit us in public except if the public were family or friends but the beating you’d get at home would ‘follow’ you to the public arena. I remember one day (I must have been around 10 years old) I asked my mum how come she hadn’t beaten me that day, her response was,’ well you haven’t been naughty’. I was amazed because I truly had thought she just hit me because she felt like. My mum was so bothered about raising good kids that once the maid said you did something wrong, she would discipline you without asking twice!
    I would do the same to my children except for the maid part, I would ask twice and hear both sides( our maid capitalized on that and became a blatant liar!). Then I would also spank my children but tell them what they ought to have done right. I remember flaring up at mumsie when I was like 13, she had just spanked me for doing something wrong and told me to go to my room but I insisted I wasn’t going anywhere until she told me the right thing to do!

  50. kilipot

    March 28, 2014 at 11:42 am

    I HATE to have unruly kids around,It drives me crazy.
    The other day I was at Dominos trying to get pizza, as I made my order and turned to go sit down a boy of about 10 or so was tapping a balloon in the air and was moving this way and that, I took 2 steps forward he was in my way, another 2 step sideways he was there. With a very “I will slap you” expression on my face I looked at him and asked what is wrong with you? and I went to sit down apparently his mum was somewhere behind me I am not sure if sh3 heard me or his son told her. A little while later she was seated next to me with her daughter who was trying to come to me. Next she pulls her away and say “come here baby dont go to her she is not child friendly” loud enough for me to hear. As young as that girl was ( may 2 or so) she has started exhibiting signs of being unruly cos tbruoughout my 10minutes stay or so, all the mum spent her time doing was pacifying and petting her not to come my way. No firmness in any way. Just slackness a ll through. Parents these days find it cool when their kids behavely badly, will even take offence when people correct them. Some even negotiate. Hehehehe. I remember when i was growing up, dem no born u well to run around in public or stay in the living room whenever we had visitors.
    Parents need to know that they are first and foremost parents,

  51. Fairly legal

    March 28, 2014 at 1:29 pm

    There was this family that lived with us for a few years. Well,not the whole family per se ,at that point it was just the dad who got transfered to my town. The wife and kids would always come visiting and they were oh so ill mannered and wild! Fast forward to a number of years later when they got their own place,the wife had a baby and my mum and i went to see the new baby. The woman was so happy to see us ,she brought a tray filled with drinks ,biscuit and other things. Now,to my greatest shock,these kids all came out one after the other(even the ones sleeping were woken up by others , about 5 of them! All girls i might add) and started taking the drinks,buscuit and sharing amongst themselves till there was nothing left for the visitors. Their mother just stood there and was busy smiling and saying “chidera, don’t pour your drink oo…give your sister some buscuit”. Even when they took everything, there were still running around the sitting room,screaming and fighting over the buscuit and we were still around! Kai! I would never allow my siblings do that and i wished i could slap the heck out of that woman that day.

    • D

      March 28, 2014 at 7:28 pm

      OMG!!! your story reminds me of my mum’s “meanness” I remember doing that once as a kid. I am sure I was probably 4 or 5, it interesting how images like that stay with you. A guest had come over, and was being entertained the 9ja way. Drinks and snacks, I went to just sit by the guest, you know hoping for some crumbs. Did not dip my hand o. My mum told me “Come here” I knew right away to obey, she now told the guest to make sure they finish the food and made me watch…kai!!!! see mean things. After they left she got some for herself and told me to stand in front of her and watch her too. We all learned never ever to try that nonesense again. I know that is one lesson I will teach my kids too if they ever do that because it was very very effective.

  52. Fumeflakes.blogspot.com

    March 28, 2014 at 2:52 pm

    Abeg, all these she’s only a child is crap, i helped bring up my nieces and i have to tell you they are the best behaved kids because their mother thought them right from wrong, after playing with their toys, they pack it up and ask you to help them put it up where their mum puts it. a friends kid came to our house and started writing on the sitting room wall and they told him that’s big mummy’s wall don’t write on it, get a paper. they’re not perfect they have their naughty days, but they know when you tell them to stop that they should. It’s like having a kid who wants something he does not need from a store, and he starts to cry, worse you cant afford what he wants would you now beg people at the store to allow you take it for free? since he’s just a child, while there are other children whom you explain why they cant have something and they listen.
    Today, we complain of men acting like King of Kings in their homes, and women acting like they must drain your account before they have peace yet no one can talk to them, its background like these that it started from.

  53. Sheri berri

    March 28, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    GOD BLESS YOU FOR THIS PIECE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  54. Payche

    March 28, 2014 at 4:20 pm

    Can this topic be over emphasized? I’ve had some funny experience with some mothers and their children, the recent one that got me angry was some children in my compound went to play with my business and dey played with it, this is my business and not a toy, moreover I kept it in a place that will not disturb their silly plays and they still poured my water, I felt like asking them to kneel for thirty minutes for less am not wicked nah, abi am I? Will I tell my client nwanne ndo? Bikonu some children can be so annoying at times. If my pikin try am ah I go teach am lesson like my papa beat you till you fall asleep when you wake up dey remorseful I buy you biscuit or chocolate, but the beat dey enter brain dos kain type wey dey change ur skin colour from fair to red. Chai! Owa e me bi go

  55. anonymous

    March 28, 2014 at 4:52 pm

    my children can’t b spoilt…naaaa,my siblings already tell me they can imagine my kids…cos i v special looks 4 many things and when this unruly children start in public,i look at then sternly n say i will beat u properly,d next look sends them running to their mother…do u know war I’m going through myself..ish..ta lo ni ono iranu

  56. Meh

    March 28, 2014 at 5:42 pm

    The one with kids in the cinema cannot be overemphasized. Your child is crying because world war z is scary? There are adults shouting in fear too so abeg it is 11pm go home na? No baby sitter you say….. Well I am indeed sorry but I only get time off work to go to the cinema once a month so….. Don’t be offended ehn…. Just go home. Or else don’t mind me eyeing you the entire movie. The one with the airplane … I feel sincerely for parents of kids under 5 and long haul flights…. But do all three of your kids have to go to ameeeriiiiica. It’s ok for them to cry and kick me for 12 hours without you even looking up once? These days I change seats. Unapologetically. God knows I love children and I do my fair share of babysitting and even grocery shopping for my friends with their hands full. It is well.

  57. Baby Giwa

    March 28, 2014 at 6:13 pm

    Raise ur kids well! They r urs n not mine abeg

  58. SoChi

    March 28, 2014 at 6:42 pm

    You all wonder why we have men with entitlement issues and women that are spoilt brats?? Look at some of the reasoning up to. He/she is only a child??? I do not want to demean MY CHILD. A child with attention span of a Knat, is the one you want to wait more than 20 minutes to correct. When they start exhibiting rubbish, these same mothers will look for everyone else to blame. Wait till that child hits puberty, the lack of discipline and that over friendliness will be rubbed right in your face. It does not feel good when you are being constantly called to School or no one likes your child because they are a pain. I am a mother and I take the time to let other snarky mothers know that they are full of hogwash. Your child kicks me more than once and I let you know and you do not correct that nonsense, you will be sorry. Your child props her leg up on me without asking for permission, she will be on the other side of the train.

    Besides, una no dey fear. Esp those of you in Obodo oyibo. You have these crazy people with anger issues walking around and you do not pull your kids excesses in. Let some psycho that has not taken their meds get a hold of your child, I will see which mouth you will use to form the words “demean”. Your child is glorious and cute to you but that’s about where it ends o. Be there doing sme sme till poo hits the fan.

    • ao

      March 29, 2014 at 1:10 am

      I have to disagree with the line about those in obodo oyibo. If the children in Naija are “better” raised than those in obodo oyibo and presumably grow up to be “better” adults, then why all of the social issues in Naija and rampant corruption in all facets of society?

    • missNk

      March 29, 2014 at 1:55 pm

      her reference to those in obodo oyibo is related to crazy psycho people who will harm your child if they offended them, not what you’re implying.

    • UmmiChiAde

      March 30, 2014 at 7:33 pm

      Lady chill and read the entire sentence. Nothing she said had anything to do with your response.

  59. Babym

    March 28, 2014 at 7:27 pm

    hmmmm very interesting article! but i am very disturbed by why 90 % of the loans are addressed to only MOTHERS!!! the fathers nko?? dem no dey inside d matter maka why??? confused. as if we dont know that when it comes to enforcing discipline fathers tend to d a lot better. but all i hear is mummy mummy mummy, nawa oo.

    • Babym

      March 28, 2014 at 7:32 pm

      sorry not loans i meant comments hehehe, this work is driving me nuts, i need to go home lol

  60. Zeezah

    March 28, 2014 at 9:21 pm

    This wonderful piece is all about charity, they say, begins at home! Sometimes it could also be an environmental factor. The environment in which one is been brought is very important, here I am refering to the mother of the child, it is the way and manner she was brought up, that i she is also bringing her little child up that way, so to her, she doesnt see it as anything wrong in anyway, all she knows is that, her child is so young that she doesnt even know what she is doing, and this are little little thing we should teach our children, as they are growing up so that they can have what is known as” COMMON SENSE” , with common sense which is not common and not found in the market place for sale, a child that is been taught it,would gradually grows up with it to have a good manner or attitude anywhere he or she is, in the world, thereby representing his or her family, society, community at large with a positive look from around the world.

  61. omalichaspeaks.blogspot.com

    March 29, 2014 at 1:28 am

    Oh no! She didn’t. I wish u were strong enough to give her a hot slap. My a is so on point. I’m a parent to a toddler and I know there can be tough to deal with, but that is where good parenting comes in. Some mothers r just too laid back or should I say ignorant. It can be quite frustrating to watch sometimes.

  62. Pelumi

    March 29, 2014 at 9:01 am

    You don’t have to insult anyone to drive home your point. Neither the writer nor Vivian deserve abuse. I do not believe that this view is unbalanced, the writer’s comments have nothing to do with whether or not she has a child. Train your children well right from day one and they will grow to be respectful in future. I personally cannot stand ill behaved children and totally blame the parents for letting them run amok.

  63. Queen Oset

    March 29, 2014 at 5:32 pm

    Excellent piece! I couldn’t agree more with you, Mya.

  64. Agidi_jollof

    March 29, 2014 at 7:06 pm

    Same topic we were discussing in the office. Last Christmas a colleague was complaining about how she couldn’t put up a tree and hadn’t done so in a while because her kids usually brought it down within minutes.
    Everyone laughed over it but I questioned her as to why she condones it. Why should scattering the Christmas tree be okay by you to the point of not buying again? What happened to disciplining the kids and letting them know it’s wrong. As usual she gave me the “you don’t have kids so you won’t understand look”
    I remember my late dad, both parents were teachers, my dad could knock for Africa. Two raps on your head was hard reset, as soon as he folded his fingers to knock, see tears and begging.
    I wonder why parents of this generation are lazy when it comes to discipline. I trust my brother in-law, this one they say kids bed wet, who born you. The first day you wee wee on the bed is your last, he’ll hold them kids on one hand and keep smacking them with the other from the bed to the bathroom. Got so bad that even when they were on pampers, they’ll be containing the urine, my sister had to step in that the discipline had become extreme.
    My nephews from when they could crawl, knew not to crawl to certain places, their dad only had to clear his throat, even as tiny as they were, they’d pause and look at his face. These kids know what they’re doing. Bring Christmas tree down ke? Na die be that.
    parents really should wake up to their responsibilities. You keep thinking there’s time, next thing you know they’re 11and in boarding school!

  65. darlene Nathe

    March 30, 2014 at 1:01 am

    I do have twins darling, but I have to agree with the writer. We are more tolerant with children that does not mean that we have to accept the stubbornness of every child. Even when a dog (monkey, cat, etc.) is discipline, he behave but why can a mother do the same for a child? I must highlight the fact that the writer was expecting at least a sorry from the mother part and you as a mother you think that is extreme, sorry love ……..

  66. Omotè

    March 30, 2014 at 1:42 am

    I was raised with the ‘eye’ . My parents didn’t have to say much….once you see that very quick but very effective look you knw what ur doing or about to do would get u into hot soup! My dad always used to say “nah eye dem take dey talk to pikin we get sense”.

  67. Omotè

    March 30, 2014 at 1:43 am

    *wey*

  68. doll

    March 30, 2014 at 6:15 am

    @jcsgrl’s mommy are you for real? you sound mannerless sorry to say….because the pregnant woman did not ask for the door to be held for her means she cant say thankyou. have you heard of the word courtesy. no surprises that some kids are mannerless truly cuz their parents have no manners

    @uzo…hmm. my dear even the good book says spare the rod and spoil the child. bcause you have problems does not mean your child should kick a random stranger in a public place. even if its by mistake courtesy demand you apologize and set your child straight immediately. if your problems are overwhelming that you cant pay attention to your child then leave the child at home

    i hate mannerless children and their parents jeez

  69. lee

    March 30, 2014 at 2:56 pm

    Nice piece!!! i visited a family with 4 little kids in the US,mehn the holiday turned to househelp/nanny day and night care, worst part is that u cant correct them without them shouting, screaming, crying; infact them r spoilt. Taking them out to public places is a NO NO, tried it once i came back with headache and body pain.
    A remember growing up,with just a look from my dad and mum was enough to make me shut up, but now saying STOP to a child means CONTINUE to them.
    This experience made me shortlived my visit abeg and i dont think i can raise kids where i cant correct kids properly without police getting involved or child services.
    1 child, max 2 kids for me.

  70. Me Myself and I

    March 31, 2014 at 12:14 am

    Once went to a party for children, there were no seats available , managed to find a one , before I sat down a woman warned me that her child whom was playing in the hall was sitting on it,I just smiled and sat down not taking her too seriously. Her son 8 year old or there about later came back and this woman asked myself and my baby to get up from the chair , I was in disbelief o. I have a ten year old son and God help him if he sees an older person standing while he is comfortably seated. It is truly misplaced priorities with parenting, this aje butter syndrome , my kids are too cute to be told off rubbish plaguing younger generation nigerian parents.

  71. LadyID

    April 1, 2014 at 6:14 pm

    “Changing diapers at the restaurant table” People don’t really do this do they?????

  72. bola

    April 2, 2014 at 2:53 am

    Yall shud take a sit please acting like u never threw tantrums wen u were small acting all righteous about discipline do u think it’s easy to cope with kids wen u av ur children u wud understand better

    • Fashionista

      April 2, 2014 at 4:49 pm

      Maybe you should read the comments again. A good number of those that have commented are mom’s and they agree that you do not let your kids run amok in public, it is discipline. So I guess it is you that needs to take several seats.

    • Fashionista

      April 2, 2014 at 4:49 pm

      Maybe you should read the comments again. A good number of those that have commented are mom’s and they agree that you do not let your kids run amok in public, it is discipline. So I guess it is you that needs to take several seats.

  73. lady nammy

    April 2, 2014 at 1:45 pm

    I am soo feeling this post. A kid slapped me once just because I was playing with his cheeks and I slapped him back immediately. This should also extend to pregnant women. U r pregnant, yes we get. But they always or usually wear that pitiable face that prompts d cashier at the bank to say “pls lemme attend to this woman first”. Don’t u know that a little exercise is good for the body?

    • Fashionista

      April 2, 2014 at 4:51 pm

      Oh no you didn’t!!! Hahaha, you’re such a meanie. Its definitely something I can do sha.

  74. olis

    April 3, 2014 at 8:07 pm

    It’s interesting how most commentators are certain violent modes of discipline are the appropriate and effective way of teaching kids. Unsurprisingly, in their view, despite being physically punished by their parents they turned out perfect and therefore, kids should be hit. My suspicion is that many people who think they are ok aren’t. In addition to halting bad behaviour temporarily, violent punishment also teaches that violence is acceptable. A number of men who are wife or girlfriend batterers learned to hit when they were kids. It might be more appropriate to explore non violent means of discipline in childhood.

  75. hello

    April 9, 2014 at 12:17 am

    u know i find it funny when a woman feels because she carried a child for 9 months she or anyone else cannot discipline that child. now i believe in spanking. although i prefer to do the spanking myself. or my immediate family can if the child is being unnecessarily rude or naughty. however i will never have to beat my child in public because before we leave the house we will have an understanding. the thing with parents is they belittle this kids. children arent as stupid as u think they are. most of the time they are testing u so u have to always show them who the boss is. now i dont believe a parents should always beat a child. there are other ways to discipline a child but sppanking a child is one of them and it should also be used. a child has no business being rude to a maid because its d maid. or a driver because it is the driver. neither should a child have the guts to put his/her feet on a strangers leg. all these things are all part of d manners children learn right from when they are babies. u do not wait for a child to clock ten before u start disciplining him. neither should u say because pregnancy isnt easy so therefore u wouldnt discipline him. the fact that i carried my child for 9 month. and pushed u out is the reason why u aint going to grow up to be a spoilt brat. i would rather die than have spoilt children. what i laboured for. the devil cannot have dt chance with my own fruits. abeg. if u like let d fruits of ur labour rotten out of ur stupid sense of showing love. na u sabi. when ur pikin slap u for future u go know.

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