I sincerely lay no claims to being more knowledgeable than anyone, but I do confess that I know better than I did yesterday, last year and a decade ago. Isio Knows Better is an attempt to capture the shocking and highly entertaining conversation within myself. The conversations between my mind (the sharp witty one), my soul (the lover and the spiritual one) and my body (the playful one concerned with the more mundane things of life). She is the eternal referee between the caustic mind and the sensitive soul. This is Isio. So, here’s to making private conversations public.
“So, how many exes do you have?”
Hahhaaaaa, see JAMB question. I chewed my Samosa slowly as I gave the questioner a level gaze.
“Two. just two.” I answered.
“Wow, really?” I could see he had an adonbilivit look on his face.
I gently swished the wine in my glass and corked my eye brows at him askance.
“It’s just that Lagos girls are something else. You know people have two or three boyfriends at once. A plan B for their back ups and then have a main boyfriend tucked somewhere…” He squints at me then continued in rushed breath, “I can’t believe you are single. Why are you single? “
“I didn’t tell you I was single, you assumed I was single.” I smiled softly. This really was becoming tiresome. What is this, the Lekki Inquisition?
“Oh wow, you have a boyfriend! Lucky man! Wow. You just broke my heart.”
Nor did I tell him I had a boyfriend. It’s astonishing the conclusions people come to when you don’t really say anything.”
“I am sure you will be fine.” I replied.
“So what kind of men do you date, what happened with your ex? Why did you break up? You seen so calm, I don’t see anything pissing you off…”
“Oh, they are amazing men. Fantastic human beings. I was lucky.”
Apparently, my questioner was not expecting such a graceful answer and it showed. His lips curled in derision as he said…
“They can’t have been THAT great, or you would’ve married one of them.”
Uh-oh. The gentleman was gone and the one with the scathing tongue was now out in his place. This one looked like he had unresolved emotions with an ex who showed him pepper. I wished he would leave me in peace. You know how you go out to an event and then you bump into a social acquaintance that has had a little too much to drink and then decides you are his “shrink of the day”.
Oh well… pity he didn’t like my drama-free life.
Two very wise women each gave me an advice earlier on in life. One was that it is not everything you tell a man, second was that you must never speak badly of your exes or your family to a man you are with. Not to a lover, not a suitor and certainly not your husband. You would think that sharing your darkest history with a man (or woman- for our malefolk) would guarantee that (s)he treats you better than the “bringer of darkness” you used to be with… At first I didn’t really understand how that could apply since relationships are supposed to be about love, acceptance and sharing.
When you have fallen stupidly and hopelessly in love and (s)he decides to show you pepper, eh. They would either do what your ex did to you that hurt you so bad, or something so horribly worse that would leave you flabbergasted. If you have a good partner that never brings up your past in an argument or if you are with someone who has never used what you told them in confidence about your family as a weapon to wield against you when you they get angry at you, well then, you are lucky. Bless God for them.
It’s amazing how presenting yourself as a past victim in your relationships to a new and fresh “partner” just continues that cycle of victimisation. It’s true. Think about it.
I can’t shout abeg. So as for me, all my exes are amazing. Full stop. That is all any man needs to know o.
As for the “How many men” question, it’s tricky sha. Most men don’t like knowing that their future brides, and the mother of their kids have been gbenshed anyhow before their arrival. Some men don’t care. Please use wisdom as it applies o. Somewhere in there, just know that the truth can set you FREE. Pun intended. FREEEE. As in, OYO (on your own).
And before you ask, ‘‘How many exes do you have, Isio?’’ I have only two. Yes, of course. And that is the number I am sticking to oooo, come rain, sunshine, hurricane, snow or earthquake. In fact, you could hold a sword to my throat and demand… ‘‘TELL ME HOW MANYYYY! YOU THIS WOMAN!’’ Walahi, I will still say two. But if you insist, and I see that the sword don dey too near my throat, I will fling my hands in the air and wave them in pitiful surrender and say, ‘Okay three, THREE! Two majors and one minor, abeg ooo!’
Or you could take the high road and be like the MEME below…
Happy Tuesday everyone!
Isio Wanogho is a top-model, TV Personality and entrepreneur. She is conversant in five languages and has 12 years of experience in the Nigerian entertainment industry. Isio, popularly known by her brand name Isio De-laVega, captivates audiences with her signature wide smile and relatable, quirky personality which endears her to many. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @isiodelavega