“Daddy is gone”
Those three words uttered by my mummy at 7:25pm on November 15, 2013 shattered me. I screamed and started crying uncontrollably, I didn’t care that there were other passengers in the bus. After much effort and questions, I answered them in a flat voice “my daddy is dead”. I was consoled but I couldn’t hear the words. All I knew was that things would never be the same.
It has been a year since then; a year of late night cries, a year of memories, a year of wishing things were different, a year without my father, a year of trying to be strong even though the pain has been unbearable. The pain has not gone, I have just learnt to manage it better (have I?)
Anytime I go to my hometown, Akure and I enter our house, I keep expecting him to greet me with a handshake and a hug and say, “welcome home”. My birthday came and went this year and I waited for that call by 12 midnight, but the call did not come; the call that my Daddy would make and then he would pray for me, wishing me good things for the new year.
Daddy, I went through good times at work this year but I couldn’t share them with you. We made a lot of plans but you couldn’t wait for the plans to materialize. You were always a source of support and inspiration to me. You made a lot of sacrifices for my sisters and I, and you didn’t wait to eat the fruits of your labour. We had our share of misunderstandings, now I wish your heart was strong enough to withstand the disease so you could still be alive for us to have the misunderstandings again.
When I was at the edge of depression, you pulled me back with your encouraging words and more importantly your faith in me. You reminded of my own strength when I was weak. My only regret is that I never told you how much I loved you. I never showed you how much I appreciated you. I only saw how much I disagreed with you. I only saw how much you didn’t understand my views. I miss you so much, it hurts to think that I would never hear your voice again, it hurts to think that the only times I would see your face are when I bring it out of my memories.
I am thankful to God that He didn’t make you suffer before calling you to Him, He gave you peace. I thank God for giving me the years I had with you. I thank God for giving you the Grace to live as long and as fulfilling as you did.
I will try to reduce the number of nights I cry in a week when I remember you, I will try to be stronger. I will always remember the good times we had together; our discussion on education, politics, marriage; your amusing chagrin at the endless inches my heeled shoes always seemed to have (you never did understand my love for shoes…)
……the pain may fade but the scar remains……. Continue to rest in peace Daddy.