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Aunty Bella: Miss. Is My Long-Distance Relationship For Real?

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Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.

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62 Comments

  1. Scared homosapien

    March 17, 2015 at 6:06 pm

    The question is supposed to be: What do YOU think?
    It’s your relationship!

    • Ross

      March 17, 2015 at 6:48 pm

      I agree with you 100%. Truth is, people usually cry out like this when they already know the answer but don’t have the strength to pull away, so they need others to tell them. Girl, you already know what needs to be done. Believe me, the pain is easier if you let go now than when you see photos of his wedding to another chic on FB or BN

  2. Got your back girl

    March 17, 2015 at 6:12 pm

    My sister I’m in a long distance relationship too and trust me its hard!!!!!!! We talk everyday, skype when we can, and all of that but it’s not the same thing as being close to each other. Somedays you want the hugs, the shoulder to cry on, and all the mushy things. Other days, its unbearable you just want to cry. I find comfort most times in the fact that we both love each other immensely. He comes over when he can, and vice versa cause we both live here in Nigeria .
    I put up with it cause we both conciously chose this as adults. Yes we may not be as financially stable as we used to be, which makes it so much harder to travel on a reg, but we still make it work as best as we can.
    If its worth it, you’d do everything to make it work that’s what i tell myself. So sweetheart the best advice is think deep down (use your head and your heart…yes its possible) and ask yourself how serious do you want it? If you can do without it then please let it go for yall’s sake so years down you won’t go bitter about it all.

  3. Ade.

    March 17, 2015 at 6:18 pm

    Open up to other guys…. There is “no one man for one woman”… Many other guys could love you better and help you fulfil God’s dream. Don’t tread the delusion pathway.

  4. D

    March 17, 2015 at 6:33 pm

    Hubby and I had a long distance relationship for most our dating relationship so yes it works. But to answer your question, the truth is only you and said dude can really decide if your relationship is truly for real. I and hubby started dating shortly before i left the country but if said dude is genuinely into you, work would not stop him from visiting you especially. Now if you had said he is not financially able to visit then that’s one thing but work stopping him then that’s lame. You make time for people and even things that you consider priority, like you will not say work stopped you from buying gas/fuel to fill your car no matter how hard you work, you will take time out to fuel that car. My point is if you are a priority to him, that is, he truly wants to marry wife (you). He would have moved heaven and hell to see you to make that visit but like i said unless there are financial constraint that work excuse is a nahhh for me.

  5. read please

    March 17, 2015 at 6:42 pm

    okay so i study in canada and i started dating this guy last year and he is based in canada while im nigerian. so i will be moving back to Nigeria once im done with my masters, he says his 100% in even though he knows ill be leaving by the end of this year. i tried breaking up with him because i was just trying to save my self any heartbreak once i move to Nigeria but he wasnt having it, we are still dating but I’m confuse. do i just break up or still be in this. i really do like the guy (im sure someone will say i don’t like the guy because i tried breaking up with him) i do like him but its just a lot when it comes to long distance relationship. i have never tried it and i am not looking forward to it but i like him (i should have used love but it make me cringe, lol) but yeah im in love lol… oya tell me what to do!!! abeg dont crucify me, be kind with your words oh!!! i will be reading. thanks

    • D

      March 17, 2015 at 7:08 pm

      @ read please…long distance works!!! but you have to be sure this is the dude for you and your for him. The key is both of you coming to an agreement that you are in it for the long haul, not for the just now. ALL relationships encounter problems at certain points in the span of said relationships, if it is not long distance, it might be his sister or aunty not liking you or something else. It is about being commitment and it takes both parties. My only question is are you willing to move to Canada permanently should he decide to put a ring on it or is he willing to move to Nigeria? because being committed is one thing and being committed in a realistic sense is another. If both of you are not willing to move (eventually) then I mean there is no point . But yes long distance those work but like any good thing in life it takes hardwork.

    • Nahum

      March 17, 2015 at 7:21 pm

      Babe he is hanging on to you so I really think he loves you. Just take things slow. Maybe that’s what you guys need

    • adaobi

      March 17, 2015 at 11:03 pm

      My story is a little like yours. I met my husband during my undergrad in the UK. We had been dating for two years when I informed him that I would be going back when I graduate. He’s British and I was Nigerian. I remember that day clearly, he just told me point blank that I wasn’t leaving. I was skeptical because I didn’t want to be on a long thing. He was worried about the distance.

      Before I knew it, my parents called me to inform me that my boyfriend called to ask for my hand in marriage and that his parents are coming to ask for my hand in marriage. My parents already liked him, so they were happy. We got married months later at the registry and have been married for years now with kids.

      So your boyfriend might have plans.

    • Spanish Guitar

      March 19, 2015 at 6:06 pm

      You WERE Nigerian???

  6. Nahum

    March 17, 2015 at 7:19 pm

    Girl don’t shut out other guys. I don’t think this guy is serious about you. If a guy has not proposed after 2 years, chances are he will not. So….. Think about it but keep your options open

  7. Tru

    March 17, 2015 at 7:22 pm

    One word for long-distance love. RUN.

    • Paloma

      March 18, 2015 at 8:56 am

      LOL… i have tried it once but i dont think i could ever do it again, its kinda frustrating sometimes and it also gives room for doubts.

  8. T

    March 17, 2015 at 7:43 pm

    long distance relationships are extremely difficult and lonely, and this is despite all the inventions and gadgets allowing us to talk and see face to face…at the end of the day, if you both are committed, there is a light at the end of the tunnel; but don’t kid yourself, two parties not even seeing each other for a while, that’s honestly questionable. Me and my long distance boo are getting married this June but i’m pretty sure this would have been done a long time ago if we weren’t seeing each other often.

  9. Joan85

    March 17, 2015 at 8:23 pm

    My dear, I don’t wan’t to be harsh. The issue here is not whether or not you are in a long distance relationship, that can always be worked out with technology. But the question you need to ask yourself is: do I even really have a COMMITTED relationship with this individual? Two years and neither of you has made one trip to visit the other. That should tell you something.

    My advice? Keep that heart open, very open kwa to avoid stories that touch…my mother would always say, a man is not your husband until he is your husband. If that young man has not defied all odds, taken his 30-days leave or whatever number of days he gets. and jumped on a plane to come see you (unless he is unable to do so for financial reasons), go figure. In two years, if he wanted to marry you, he would have already. True love will not want to be apart from you for that long.

    I wish you the very best.

    • Adaeze Writes

      March 18, 2015 at 10:01 am

      Exactly my point Joan85! Best advice ever!

  10. le coco

    March 17, 2015 at 8:25 pm

    @nahum.. are u ok.. what does 2 years have to do with anything… although i think the lady needs to have a long talk with the guy.. because if he is working surely he cn afford to visit atleast once.. unless he has another family he is feeding.. i am also in a long distance and its all because of skool.. we r both still schooling and not really wrking. so understandably it would be difficult to visit.. but ehn.. this ur boboh doesnt seem legit oo.. just talk with him before you reaise that you hav been wasting 2 years of your life wen u cld have been exploring other options

    • Nahum

      March 18, 2015 at 9:58 am

      I am very ok dear and you have your opinion, the same way I have mine. So don’t come for me for stating my opinion but feel free to state yours. Peace and love

    • Em

      March 18, 2015 at 2:52 pm

      Lol but tbh asking you if you’re ok is a rather legit question. Ameannn what sorta opinion is that? Really, think about it. If a guy doesnt propose after 2 years, he probably wont? Hian odikwa very offff. Aimoye relationships that have lasted more than 2 years before a proposal. Infact i’m sure most proposals come after more number of years.
      Perhaps you should shed more light on your train of thought.

  11. Drknite

    March 17, 2015 at 8:27 pm

    My sista, it’s true if you believe it. I have along distance relationship with Mercy Johnson.

    • Iris

      March 17, 2015 at 8:57 pm

      LMBAO! I am unable! You are not well at all 🙂

    • chichi

      March 17, 2015 at 9:03 pm

      LMAO!!!!!!!! You’re a fool though

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      March 18, 2015 at 12:26 pm

      Loooool! @ le coco You harsh shaa,
      But truly sister you should review that relationship, 2years is a long time for a man planning to marry you not to have tried to visit or facilitate your visiting him unless marred by financial reasons but then 2 years is still enough for him to ve saved up if it was on his priority list. I ve been in a long distance relationship, 5 months into the relationship the guy came over twice in spite of his tight schedule to see me since i couldn’t make it to visit him, he had to take up night shifts to save money for his flight tickets, any man who is serious about you would want to see you, even if its once. i will say keep your options open, stop rejecting suitors try and get to know other men, by knowing i dont mean sleeping with them, i mean establish a decent healthy relationship with other men, this will broaden your perspective on yourself, others, the world and your relationship with this guy too. Don’t build your whole life around this guy you re not sure of get to know other people. Thats my take

  12. Read please

    March 17, 2015 at 9:20 pm

    @D and everyone who commented thank you I’ll definitely think about it and hopefully whatever decision I make I hope its for the best. 🙁

    • Ade

      March 18, 2015 at 9:28 am

      But why can’t you too travel to Nigeria??? I believe you earn more considering the recent revaluation of the Naira. You can’t be waiting there for him to come. A relationship is a two way thing. TAKE A VACATION AND COME TO NIGERIA FOR YOUR MAN!!! Also start discussing where you guys are finally gonna be based when you get married. UK or Naija

    • D

      March 18, 2015 at 7:38 pm

      @ade you’ve raised a good point.to add a few advice though,please add a fasting and prayer sessions for yourself. I was in a long distance relationship or so I thought before moving home while he was still abroad , a family member called me one day and asked about my relationship and his name , she now called later to tell me is not the right one for me
      Thank God have had my fasting and prayer session earlier that year and I was specific about what i wanted from God , today the dude is no longer in my life but I met someone who is far better than him in all ways months after i got that message and am planning my wedding now.
      You see it might seems difficult initially to let go but after you’ve prayed God will open your mind and eyes to truly see who that person is and where he (God) wants you to be and who he wants you to be with.i pray you get the help you need.

  13. @edDREAMZ

    March 17, 2015 at 9:43 pm

    a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said…
    .
    I swear this babe no get sense but i sorry for yu shah….
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

    • Syeem

      March 19, 2015 at 12:56 pm

      You dnt have to be vulgar

  14. Anna Mae

    March 17, 2015 at 11:45 pm

    ok i never comment on bella naija but let me just tell you this.

    Babe, you are in a relationship with yourself; if he was serious he would have found a way to see you, NO EXCUSES. He keeps telling you he wants to marry you because he knows thats what will make you STAY.

    2years is NOT a joke. I was in a long distance ‘relationship’ for 1 and a half years and my guy was telling me he wanted to marry me. I shut out soooo many potentials in hope of one day ,marrying this guy. Im in London, he was in naij.

    To cut a long story short, the guy GOT ENGAGED to SOMEONE ELSE while WE WERE STILL GOING OUT.

    My dear, do yourself a favor and leave that guy, its not a real relationship. He is wasting you time.

    ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. Always remember that. Value yourself and love the skin you’re in.

    • Nne007

      March 18, 2015 at 4:30 am

      And what do u mean by love the skin you are in? Just because it didn’t work for you doesn’t mean that it can’t work for her. Yes I know long distance relationships are very difficult to handle. I have been in her shoes before, and I’m happily married. It may work for some and it may not. Most of u guys are saying if he truly means it, he should travel to Spain and forget how difficult for one to get visa this days. I remember how hard it was for me to get a visa to go see my husband before we got married. He knows it was difficult for me and he made the effort to come to Nigeria when he can. Why can’t she make the effort to go to Nigeria and see him. This is not a one sided affair that the guy should be the one putting all the effort in. They are both adults and know what they want. If they want this to work out it will. My dear pray pray pray and follow your heart.

    • mz_daniels

      March 18, 2015 at 9:48 am

      The guy in question hasn’t visited. Now when a man wants somethings, scratch that, when a person wants something, we defile the odds to get them. He hasn’t visited once. If he really loved you, he’d be afraid that someone will ‘steal’ you from him and so he’ll visit at least once.
      Btw, don’t even make the trip first dear, you must never pursue a man even if we’re in the 25th century.

      Don’t break up with him, just keep your options open. You’ll meet someone else and let go of this current dude painlessly.

      Infact girls, don’t close off your options till there’s a wedding ring on your finger. Single untill you’re married darling.

    • Sugar

      March 18, 2015 at 8:59 am

      This relates so much to me. I dated this guy for 5yrs in a distance relationship and he was giving me hopes we were gonna get married. Along the line he started misbehaving and was acting weird the next thing i heard was that he was dating another girl and engagement was in the wraps for them. He proposed to her and they got married a year after. Its really heartbreaking, Its so easy to write here on Bella but the depression that goes with it can kill.
      The most painful part of it is that i ignored a lot of men who came along, I had all my hopes in Bobo in the US….When i eventually heard he was dating and i confronted him, he was the one who wen ahead and broke up with me and did all sorts.
      I nearly died. He’s married now while am still single 3yrs after. No toaster again and am 31 already. Its a really sad situation because i think ive lost out on so many things and this guy is married while am “Just there”…………. The day i saw his wedding pictures i cried so hard and i was at the edge of suicide but thank God for people around who comforted me.

      Its a long story cant write it all here 🙁

    • olabisi

      March 18, 2015 at 11:09 am

      hello sugar, i feel your pain. this actually happened to me….im 30 now, still single. i hope one day, a man God has for me will locate me.

    • Ph Boy

      March 18, 2015 at 11:20 am

      I think you are the better for it because you dodged a big bullet. He could have still gone ahead with his devious plans even if you were not separated by the long distance. Things will surely add up for you, so do not despair because Papa God’s always got your back. Do not live you life with the timetable of the world and never use your bio clock as a bench mark for progress in your life. Hope you come back to BN to share your testimony because it is going to huge!!!

    • Spanish Guitar

      March 19, 2015 at 6:37 pm

      Sugar darling, the most painful part of a break up is being single while your ex gets married but guess what? God has better things in store for you. At the very least, be grateful you’re not the woman who had been trying to conceive for 5years without success. This same woman finally persuaded her husband to follow her to the hospital to do routine tests. There, the husband asked to talk to the doctor privately, guess what the doctor learned? The husband has HIV and has been on antiretroviral drugs for over 5 years and hasn’t been able to tell his wife, meanwhile he has been “actively” trying to impregnate his beloved wife.
      Moral of the story, you may never know what God saw and averted on your behalf, just thank and trust him to perfect the wonderful work which he has begun in you. E-hugs

  15. Ifemelu

    March 18, 2015 at 1:32 am

    I have done it before. It might work for you, you know, Jesus turned water into wine so everything is possible BUT can i be real with you? It will most likely not work. I will give you my reasons. If you are dating a guy you knew before but when you were seeing each other physically, you were just friends but now you are abroad you are “dating” and you haven’t seen each other for two years, sweetie, it is not doable. It is just headache you are giving yourself. I am not too keen on marriage but heaven knows body no be firewood. A girl has needs!

    Second, why on earth is a young woman, in her prime and waiting for a man for two years? Let us remember there is a huge difference between love and infatuation. What you guys are doing is what i love to call “honey moon” phase because he is presenting his best self and you are presenting your best self. You guys don’t really know each other. Two years of not meeting physically as lovers? You do not know him and i am sorry, he does not know you. You can talk from Nigeria to Jericho, i still stand by my last sentence.

    Third, a guy once told me something and it still rings true, “if a man wants you, he will do EVERYTHING to have you” if this man saves his money for six months, i am sure he can buy a ticket to Nigeria and come see you. He can also buy a ticket and have you come visit. Yes, i believe in feminism and all but you’ve got to let a man work for you. You are making it so easy, shutting other men down and it seems not really being happy while you wait for this man that has not seen you in TWO YEARS! Afor ole? TWO YEARS!

    I love love. I enjoy romance. Hey, even if it means visiting each other twice a year, that would have made sense but for anyone to advise you to be patient makes no sense. The thing i have learned about long distance such as this is: everything is just honeymoon phase and you do not know the real person. You are young, you are a woman, you are gorgeous! Go out, have fun, date all those fine fine bobo and please stop stressing about marriage.

  16. linda

    March 18, 2015 at 6:54 am

    This guy sounds suspect to me.Seems like you are the only one committed to this relationships..one word,get yourself the book “hes just not into you” a man would rather climb a cliff than tell you hes not into you,and when a man is truly into you and the relationship he will do everything in his power to be with you..if he truly values you,appreciates you..run girl

  17. Uju

    March 18, 2015 at 8:48 am

    The writing is on the wall……. Listen to your intuition. You wouldn’t be here seeking advice if the alarm bells weren’t ringing , which they are!

  18. Grown Woman

    March 18, 2015 at 8:52 am

    He is definately not single either…Please keep dating and don’t shut your doors and mostly PRAY about it.The thing is, some of us women like to place our eggs in one basket and at the end of the day we get into trouble.As long as the dude has not put a ring on it, you are still very much single.So my advise is,if he does not show up in the next few months, you are so out of that relationship then you will get your answer.

  19. SEEN ALL

    March 18, 2015 at 9:19 am

    I hate long distance relationships……….THAT IS why I had to move my fridge into my bedroom.

    • newbie

      March 19, 2015 at 7:46 pm

      Who are you? I love you walahi!

  20. pearl

    March 18, 2015 at 9:40 am

    My sister Pls move on. Most men in long distance relationships are unfaithful. For him not to visit it means he has some1 keeping him. So Pls I don’t want u to get hurt becos even if he marries U dey will be things u didn’t know transpired in ur absence nd it will be painful to discover in marriage. God direct U dear.

  21. bunmi

    March 18, 2015 at 9:45 am

    Well for me it depends on both of you, if you both want it to really work it will…. Myself and my guy are in long relationship and i can tell its been bliss all the way we will be getting married by April this year.

    Also there was a guy who i was considering then since we were both in nigeria thinking it would work but alas he was the greatest time waster!

    Please look before you leap!

  22. Elle

    March 18, 2015 at 10:10 am

    i never believed long distance worked but it did for me…my partner left the country to study abroad for a while..i must say i never felt more comfortable..and it was the period when we didn’t have watsapp or Skype or any of those things..we talked everyday and i knew what his program was each day…truth is we women can do long distance when we are in love but most men cant…if Ur man makes it easy for you then great..but if deep down you have doubts then u already have your ans

  23. Berbadette

    March 18, 2015 at 10:33 am

    You can have the long distance relationship but please do not shut other guys out. You never know would happen and you might not end up marrying this guy.

  24. No alias

    March 18, 2015 at 10:38 am

    I dont know why my first comment on any online website has to be about man and not the other interests i have..but thats to show i love this – so much. please let your replies be sensitive,pain s real. so anyways hes in port harcourt where they say those girls hustle hard and im in lagos living the boring life..he cant travel cos of his job(,legit excuse i know about.i did my research.)but last time i travel we got into this argument about how i should be gateful he pays for my flight ticket and how i cant afford to fly to travel. i got angry and left..we got over it..along the line distance rut sets in and we dont talk anymore..(we used to chat on bbm every single friggging minute and talk on phone for hours..we’ were disgustingly romantic)..i miss him so much and i love him..we dont talk anymore now,he wants me to travel to see him but i refuse to cos of the comment he made..he claims i havent forgiven him as i always say.but i cant allow him to pay for my flight..neither will i use my own money to go see man. i feel like we’ve broken up sef cos we say hi and hello once a wek on bbm,no phone calls..i know hes probably dating someone else and im trying to also meet people(that shit is hard,people are annoying and scary and ewwwww in real life) but i love him too much to let go…(sorry to ask for advice on someone else’s cry for help..)should i let go?should i travel?should i pay for the flight? should i fight for him even when hes not ready to talk commitment?

    • Ade

      March 18, 2015 at 10:54 am

      Aunty, you better travel and go and see him. And why do you not initiate chats. Why do most girls like waiting for the guy to make a move…you love him, he knows, you know (even America knows …LOL). So its not embarrassing for you to start a chat, to say sorry, to travel.

    • olabisi

      March 18, 2015 at 11:44 am

      hey babes, i know it’s not easy to let go of someone you are inlove with…..but he’s not ready to talk about commitment????? carry ur bag jeje and try to heal ur wounds while there’s still time.

    • Blacksheep

      April 16, 2015 at 6:15 pm

      …if he apologised for it and he’s really sorry then you too need to forgive him and show him you have moved on. If he offers to pay your ticket then just accept and call it a truce. You paying for your own ticket may dampen his ego and start another unnecessary talk……secondly you have not come to a mutual break up and you really should. He might be seeing someone already but in your head u are still together. So if u find out later u can accuse him of cheating on u when in his head yall are over. No time for childish business. Call him and talk things over. If he’s still down he will talk too and hopefully u can resolve your issues. Good luck

  25. No alias

    March 18, 2015 at 10:39 am

    if u see that picture and happen to recognize me,pretend u dont…i didnt expect that to happen. crap.

  26. carla

    March 18, 2015 at 12:48 pm

    I was in a long distance relationship with my hubby for 11 years. He visited regularly and we stayed in touch with all the social media there is on planet earth. It does work if u work at it dear. At a point I had to do d visiting cos the north was volatile. If the feeling is genuine u guys can work something out. For one year we didn’t see and that was d year we finalised our wedding plans.
    I’m not saying it will come easy, u will have doubts, people will tell u trash based on their experiences but u need to have that talk with him sister. That’s d only way to know and it has to be in camera. S hike na!

  27. Tosin

    March 18, 2015 at 6:41 pm

    My twitter relationship :-/

    Seriously now – yes, you have a friend in Nigeria, yes, you should enjoy yourself in Spain or wherever you are. Cool? What was your question again? Whether you should have babies and stuff? But you don’t even know the dude.

  28. Mimi

    March 19, 2015 at 11:08 am

    Relationships r hard work, be it long distance or not; both parties have to work hard to keep it alive. That being said, if u notice u r the only one doing all the work, confront the other, communication is key. If even after a second confrontation, there r no changes, or signs of change, u may wanna reevaluate the whole thing

  29. lol

    March 19, 2015 at 12:23 pm

    Crazy! Lol

  30. Louda

    March 19, 2015 at 1:34 pm

    Hmmmmmmm my bobo just moved to America and is yet to get his papers. I am 30 already and not sure how many years more it will take for bobo to get his papers and come and marry me. I tell you the doubts and fears knows no bounds. I am no longer gonna tell any guy I am in a relationship. Any day I see another bobo I can run things with as per altar levels, I dont need anybody to tell me what to do. Sis there comes a time in the life of a woman when she needs to ask herself a question only she can answer. So no matter what you read from the comment section, the answer still lies with you. Long distance relationship works for some, it doesnt work for some. It all depends on you, if you enjoy building your hope on something you dont know, go ahead and be waiting for him, but if you are the type that wants to live her life in simplicity, open ur doors for someone else to come in, there is no one man for a woman. I used to worry and doubt about my bobo but with each passing day I see reasons to open my door for any cool bobo cos I want to marry and have my kids and not be waiting for American papers to come out when I have bobos here who need no papers to marry me here in Naija land. Your happiness matters a lot babes!

  31. divea

    March 20, 2015 at 12:34 pm

    Relationships are never easy- long and short distance. I think you need to talk it over with him-let him know your fears and concerns, but honestly two whole years and you guys are yet to meet. It should not be heard.

  32. jerusha

    March 21, 2015 at 10:42 am

    Similar problem, am in kano and he works at abuja,we’ve never met and are just friends even thou we say passionate stuffs to each other, av fallen in love with him, could dis be love? Dis is a year now.

  33. bibi

    March 31, 2015 at 3:19 pm

    a year from kano to abuja? are u for real? even if you have been walking you would have gone and returned. better wake up or keeep shut for ever

  34. veraki

    April 5, 2015 at 6:43 pm

    2years is long time to wait! When I was 27 I got into a long distance relationship, we talked alot especially on Skype we had good chemistry. But I knew the real test would come when he would visit; that’s when I would know I have a keeper. I would pester my so to visit but he would complain how expensive it is and how he needed to find a job back home to have spending money.I told him it would be hard for a foreigner to get a job but because I liked him and wanted him to visit I drew him a plan that outlined the cost of flight, insurances, living expenses,entertainment etc so that he could have a budget that he could work with and save up. If he was serious on saving within 6months he would have accumulated enough money to travel, I even went further ahead to get him a paid volunteer job even that didn’t move him that’s when I knew he wasn’t for real because if he was truly interested in me he would have taken either of the two options or even both for that matter to come visit me.

    Now last year before my 29th birthday I met a guy online from East asia he wasn’t so talkative that I wondered if he was really interested in me and for 5months we talked on and off, never did we talk on Skype, we exchanged photos and became friends on face book. Then this year in January he told me he was coming to see me, I was surprised, happy and shocked at the same time and I was also scared because we had never skyped so I wasn’t sure if this was some old gizzer I had been chatting with hehe! Call me crazy but I trusted my instinct that I could trust him. And when he finally came he was all I had imagined him to be and all he said he was, we had a wonderful time. Now am planning my trip to visit him before the end of the year 🙂

    Sorry for the long post but I wanted to share my experience of long distance dating. Here are a few lessons
    1. Don’ be afraid to break some rules in long distance, I don’t mean you should become needy or pushy but in a classy way gently push him to set a date to visit you, and even help him set up a plan and ideas on how he can do it but don’t and I repeat don’t give him money to visit you or don’t go to him, let him come to you that’s the only way you can know if he is truly committed.
    2. Give yourself a timeline of when you should call it quits when he is not stepping up. I gave myself an year that’s enough time for someone to think, to tell if they want to be with you for the long haul and to save up and plan to visit you.
    3. As long he has not visited you, has not made any promises or convincing hints of visiting you or put a ring on it, you have no obligation waiting for him go out and date other people, but keep him at an arms length. keep your options open.
    4.Long distance relationships can work but you both have to be committed, its a two way traffic and communication is very key. Avoid discussing serious issues via text or email because often things get ignored. Talk over the phone or Skype instead.
    5.. Love yourself first don’t don’t give him the benefits a bf should be getting by this I mean don’t talk sweet nothings to him, don’t talk dirty or have phone sex, don’t call him babe or booboo etc until he has earned it.

    If a man truly wants you he will move heaven and earth to get you. That’s what my 2nd So from the east did.
    What does your instinct tell you? listen to it earnestly. And of course pray about the situation.
    All the best X

  35. veraki

    April 5, 2015 at 7:03 pm

    2years is long time to wait! When I was 27 I got into a long distance relationship, we talked alot especially on Skype we had good chemistry. But I knew the real test would come when he would visit; that’s when I would know I have a keeper. I would pester my so to visit but he would complain how expensive it is and how he needed to find a job back home to have spending money.I told him it would be hard for a foreigner to get a job but because I liked him and wanted him to visit I drew him a plan that outlined the cost of flight, insurances, living expenses,entertainment etc so that he could have a budget that he could work with and save up. If he was serious on saving within 6months he would have accumulated enough money to travel, I even went further ahead to get him a paid volunteer job even that didn’t move him that’s when I knew he wasn’t for real because if he was truly interested in me he would have taken either of the two options or even both for that matter to come visit me.

    Now last year before my 29th birthday I met a guy online from East asia he wasn’t so talkative that I wondered if he was really interested in me and for 5months we talked on and off, never did we talk on Skype, we exchanged photos and became friends on face book. Then this year in January he told me he was coming to see me, I was surprised, happy and shocked at the same time and I was also scared because we had never skyped so I wasn’t sure if this was some old gizzer I had been chatting with hehe! Call me crazy but I trusted my instinct that I could trust him. And when he finally came he was all I had imagined him to be and all he said he was, we had a wonderful time. Now am planning my trip to visit him before the end of the year 🙂

    Sorry for the long post but I wanted to share my experience of long distance dating. Here are a few lessons
    1. Don’ be afraid to break some rules in long distance, I don’t mean you should become needy or pushy but in a classy way gently push him to set a date to visit you, and even help him set up a plan and ideas on how he can do it but don’t and I repeat don’t give him money to visit you or don’t go to him, let him come to you that’s the only way you can know if he is truly committed.
    2. Give yourself a timeline of when you should call it quits when he is not stepping up. I gave myself an year that’s enough time for someone to think, to tell if they want to be with you for the long haul and to save up and plan to visit you.
    3. As long he has not visited you, has not made any promises or convincing hints of visiting you or put a ring on it, you have no obligation waiting for him go out and date other people, but keep him at an arms length. keep your options open.
    4.Long distance relationships can work but you both have to be committed, its a two way traffic and communication is very key. Avoid discussing serious issues via text or email because often things get ignored. Talk over the phone or Skype instead.
    5.. Love yourself first don’t don’t give him the benefits a bf should be getting by this I mean don’t talk sweet nothings to him, don’t talk dirty or have phone sex, don’t call him babe or booboo etc until he has earned it.

    If a man truly wants you he will move heaven and earth to get you. That’s what my 2nd So from the east did.
    What does your instinct tell you? listen to it earnestly. And of course pray about the situation.
    All the bestX

  36. POSH

    September 3, 2015 at 4:30 pm

    i think you can only solve it yourself by either moving on or fight for what you want.

  37. rose

    April 3, 2016 at 4:12 pm

    I hv been in a 3yrs dis year will make it 4yrs long distance relationship,is hard ooo bt we re always communication,nd been serious abt d relationship ,we do hv our up nd down…so it hv master me…bt d thing is dat here in nig a lot of guys comes around nd him(m guy) knws bt he do come bk home…nd his nt ready yet cos he wnt to hv a full ground over there ..be4 anything..should I still wait cos he always tell me dat I will soon join him or I will be his cook nd playmate or roomate etc all dos swt talk.

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