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A BN Reader’s Tale of Someone Trying to Break up Her Home with Fake Messages

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dreamstime_s_36892414We regularly receive emails on real life experiences from BellaNaija readers, some reaching out for advice, which we share in our Aunty Bella column.

BN reader, Mrs. N was accosted by a supposed mistress on social media.

Given the frequency of screen shot sharing, recorded conversations and resultant social media wars, it’s hard to tell what is real and fake, but the damage they cause is often very real.

***

Hello,

I’ve given this a great thought and I think I need to share my story. This is the kind of story you hear people say and talk about, but you never think it could happen to you.

Some nights ago I was watching a movie with my husband. Half way through, my 6 month old fell asleep.

Boy was I glad, not that I wasn’t enjoying the movie. It’s just that whenever he sleeps, I jump into bed. It’s the only way I can get rest myself. He was tucked into bed with love and kisses, so I decided to say a quick prayer. I have lots on my phone and decided to check. As I was doing so, an Instagram direct message notification came in.

Normally, I would give a thought or two before accepting, but as it was blocking my view so I quickly clicked on it and continued with my prayers.

When I went back to it to find out what it was, I became shocked. It was some girl sending a supposed screen grab of a conversation she had with my husband on Facebook. I read it, insulted the life out of her and told her to leave me alone. She didn’t have it, and sent me a note – in it, she was so spiteful and used all the foul language you can think of. The note said how my husband is so unfaithful, and how they have been sleeping together since last year. She painted a vivid picture of how they ‘do it’ in his car and in my house while I was at the hospital after I gave birth.

The woman in me wanted to tell her to get lost but then the FBI side of me took over. I asked her what colour my husband’s car is, and she failed woefully. I then went ahead and blocked her. Now some people reading this might think – hmm, maybe there is truth to her story, but believe me, there is zero truth to this.

Firstly, from my labour to delivery and after, I was so unstable and fighting for my life. I feared I wasn’t going to make it. Now it wasn’t just me that was exhausted – my husband was as well. Even if Amber Rose had magically appeared he won’t even have the strength to shake her not to talk of sleeping with her.

Secondly, my mum was around at that time. I have replayed it in my head over and over again. My husband only left my side to pick my mum up from our home. They would come with food in the morning around 11am-ish (believe me, I had cravings! Even when I had my baby, I wouldn’t even have hospital food). They stayed with me until 4pm when they had to go home for my mum to make dinner. My mum would stay back home, sending my husband to me with two meals for dinner and late night. Hubby would stay with me until 10pm and leave.

So you having sex in my house was impossible.

Why am I sharing this? I don’t know the person that did this or why she did it but I know she follows BellaNaija on Instagram. So, if you are seeing this just know the only thing you succeeded in doing is making me realise we have built something worth envying, you actually brought us closer. I don’t know what I did to deserve this, if you think you are brave don’t be a coward, come knock on my door let’s have a chat I promise to cure your madness.

People that are not married won’t realise how sacred marriage is it will take more than a cooked up message to break one, there are special places in hell for people like you – a front row seat with the devil.

I mean, learn to respect people’s relationships whether they are married or not.

~ Mrs. N

Photo Credit: Antonioguillem | Dreamstime.com

88 Comments

  1. Missappleberry

    May 21, 2015 at 11:50 am

    What is this please?

  2. LotusFlower

    May 21, 2015 at 11:50 am

    You didn’t do anything to deserve this, but I think you should ignore the pathetic mistress and check your husband. Something fishy may be going on. The supposed mistress isn’t your problem (as useless and desperate as she is)… your husband is the problem. You didn’t state if the facebook message was a real convo he had with the lady.
    Keep talking to your husband to find out as much info as you can. Make sure he is being honest with you and that he knows you won’t stand for cheating nonsense. Good luck.

    • Jhennique

      May 26, 2015 at 8:36 am

      Lotus flower, Your thinking needs to be straightened out

  3. Nahum

    May 21, 2015 at 11:53 am

    Mrs N, I thank God that He gave you the wisdom and patience to think things through and investigate before your home was destroyed. I am usually very hard on the men and I always insist that they should own up to the cheating ways. But this is a classic example of a miserable witch trying to break your home. Now, your husband “may” have sent her messages, but you will have to deal with him on that issue. To the ladies who enjoy breaking homes, remember that there is always someone younger and better out there that can break your home. The only difference is, when you cry to God for help, will you be worthy of His help? Let’s stop this madness

  4. mrs chidukane

    May 21, 2015 at 11:57 am

    My sister you are very lucky the message was sent to you. I know a husband who almost sent away his wife of 2 months because of a story cooked up by his “friend “. God bless and keep your home.

  5. Jane Public

    May 21, 2015 at 12:07 pm

    ………………and the purpose of this what exactly? I swear people are taking this thing too far. As you wanted to share this marital experience with the world, why didn’t you just put your name, so you can complete it. Very soon women will be using Bella Naija as a conduit for passing messages to side chicks. What’s next, Miss X can you please leave my husband alone or i will decorate your face. BN, please don’t descend to this level. It is very unbecoming of you.

    • jo

      May 21, 2015 at 12:41 pm

      oh pl,guess you are the side chick……incase you are too slow to get it,you are supoose to learn from it ,MORAL OF THE BSTORY?dont be too hasty in passing judgement !!

    • Nikkii

      May 21, 2015 at 1:30 pm

      Learn what exactly? If you need BN post to learn lessons for your marriage, one has to wonder what business you have getting married. This story reeks of over exposure. So when her hubby finally cheats she will write Part 2 to BN or what Aunty Bella article. Later we will come here and be complaining that celebrities don’t keep things private anymore yet we are guilty of the same thing. I can’t even imagine sharing this on my personal social media pages, not to talk of writing to an entertainment website. My husband will be mortified. Using bella naija to send a message to a supposed or not side chick. Bella naija that is what you guys do now. Addonbilivit. Oka nah, when next a girl looks at my husband sideways I now know where to turn.

    • olamicome

      May 21, 2015 at 2:42 pm

      Jane public a side chick??? Guess you are a learner on BN, learn how not to run your mouth or fingers anyhow…

    • Tolu

      May 21, 2015 at 2:40 pm

      Here responded the sidechick. I dey suspect you

    • Jane Public

      May 21, 2015 at 3:45 pm

      Nikki and Olamide, thank you o. I don’t even have time to respond well to such foolishness. Someoe just sent me a link to see how Emmanual Adebayor has been given compassionate leave by his club. I talk am, i talk am. There are some things you just don’t bring to the public, whether as anonymous Mrs.N or otherwise. You need Bella Naija to pass a message to someone who tried to break you home. REALLY!!!!!! Are we on Judge Judy or Cheaters or Lagos Customary court? Like seriously. So, now that you have sent the message now, ooooh, she will be scared and back off. I laugh in serious French. Wait, let me go get Le Boo to ask how they laugh in French. Shior. Madam face your husband, something smells very fishy here and i feel like you are NOT telling the full story. Women know how to cover up for their husbands well and make it look like the problem is only from the side chic. BN, i hope you guys know that you have now set a precedent. I will be here with my swollen feet waiting for the post from Mrs. Y asking Miss B to leave her husband alone, so that ladies can now come here fight, abuse each other, and virtually tear their weaves from each other’s heads

    • Anna

      May 21, 2015 at 5:28 pm

      Thank you ma’am… nah so as I de read am, my spirit no settle.
      I no go talk anything else for this matter, else someone will come and say I’m sidechicing the man! Issorai…

      Infact I lied, I will say it. Single women close your eyes from married men. Don’t hurt your fellow sisters. Also married women close your eyes from single women, if you married a philanderer, face him with the same zeal you use to chastise single women after your husbands
      If every woman single, married, otherwise followed these simple rules, who will the men see to play around with apart from their own woman. Abeg. It don do.. this matter don tear pesin mouth finish.

    • Miss Mo

      May 21, 2015 at 8:46 pm

      puhleez jane public, if you dont have anything constructive to say then can it

    • Destined for greatness

      May 22, 2015 at 6:15 am

      I don’t know if I am more disappointed by this reply or by the number of likes it received from other BN readers. It sounds like you just wanted to criticise for the sake of it. If you read the whole thing well you’ll know she’s not looking for fame or attention but just to warn others. But of course you’re far too thick to realise that.

    • Ada Nnewi

      May 22, 2015 at 9:11 am

      I learnt something very valuable from her message…I learnt to trust my spouse, protect my marriage and not rush to make hasty decisions or take hasty actions…It’s unfortunate your pride won’t allow you read this story with an open mind..

    • Jane Public

      May 22, 2015 at 9:35 am

      …………..and i used to think you were a smart cookie. You needed this story to teach you not to make hasty decisions. Have you been living in a bubble, or should i be asking how old you are? Where did pride come into the conversation.

    • Ada Nnewi

      May 22, 2015 at 12:32 pm

      Hi Jane…being a smart and wise are two very different things…I see wisdom in her actions and i think learning to react how she did will be useful to me at some point in the future…We all learn as we grow…

    • ssah

      May 22, 2015 at 3:00 pm

      U guys abeg, we shouldn’t be fighting one another biko! the guys are just folding their arms watching and laughing. each person has a strong opinion, truth is there are no hard and fast rules to these things. God forbid but if it ever happens to anyone, we need wisdom and God’s guidance. mbok!

    • Jhennique

      May 26, 2015 at 8:39 am

      Oh God bless you Ada. This jane is just a paranoid human being

  6. Diddy

    May 21, 2015 at 12:08 pm

    she might be someone close to u,but i love d way u handled the situation,u did not even confront ur man,if na some one way thinking women they will attack dia man without proper investigation,just like u said let her stop being a coward and unmask hersef so u will cure her madness,there r pple born to be sadist and noting u can do about it

    • oy

      May 21, 2015 at 3:46 pm

      you make it sound like confrontation is bad, it isn’t. it’s the way you ask that will determine the outcome

  7. smashingM

    May 21, 2015 at 12:14 pm

    Some people will stop at nothing to destroy another persons happiness. #Godpassthem#.

  8. @edDREAMZ

    May 21, 2015 at 12:22 pm

    a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said..
    .
    Pls do yu have a sister just as matured as yu are bcos my uncle is looking for a wife. God bless ur home though….
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

    • AD

      May 21, 2015 at 2:07 pm

      Em, excuse me Sir, how old is your uncle because I know someone looking for a husband too and she is an independent lady living in Lagos. (Note I didn’t say girl o).

      Thank you. 🙂

    • ogeAdiro

      May 21, 2015 at 5:58 pm

      This guy, you can be really funny sometimes. lol

  9. TA

    May 21, 2015 at 12:22 pm

    @ Mrs N, I’m glad you acted fast and double checked her story and it turned out false.
    Some people are evil sha,what do you hope to gain by another person’s broken marriage?
    Please people be careful of over-sharing on social media, I’m not saying Mrs N is guilty of that I’m just trying to remind us all …

  10. Glowing Sapphire

    May 21, 2015 at 12:25 pm

    Grateful you found this out. Though I think you should tell hubby about it. It definitely would deepen the trust between two of you, since you are sure he never cheated. Whoever did this really has a heart! Some people are desperate to ruin the lives of others, how sad.

    By the way, please, a friend asked if it is wrong to date a guy who has a girlfriend she does not know. He really has interest in her, as he believes she is the one for him. He wants to break up with the current girl friend to be with her, then get married! I DON’T agree because I think he could do the same to her!!! Is this Destined to be…or is it fine? What do you all think, please?

    • AD

      May 21, 2015 at 2:08 pm

      You answered your own question. He will do the same to her.

    • Tosin

      May 21, 2015 at 2:11 pm

      all these friends. maybe she’s just telling you stories and has already passed stage 969 with the guy. the guy too is a polygamist, nothing against him.

    • pipi

      May 21, 2015 at 4:33 pm

      it depends on the situation…. how long have they dated, how serious was he about her. Just that its so hard to trust people. Imagine a time when u dated a guy just because you were lonely and along the line the real deal comes along… u are soo breaking up. So like i said it depends and she would know if the guy had something serious with the girl cos she would be springing up everywhere

  11. Lois

    May 21, 2015 at 12:26 pm

    Hmmm… Love conquers all. Even if my hubby has been unfaithful and a hoe decided it was in her place to spitefully let me know; of course i know it will be to rock the ship of my home and I will not have that. I will just tell her to take ‘their’ break-up in good faith (because it is only a break-up that would have necessitated such torrent) and learn from it that sleeping with a married man only makes a woman feel dirty, used and worthless.
    But ladies, give a little room for doubt and infidelity on the part of the man in your marriage because whether you like it or not, many of them step out in different categories. It is only God that is infallible remember the bible tells us that “the arms of flesh shall fail”

    • Anna

      May 21, 2015 at 1:08 pm

      Really…………
      I mean really…….
      This comment has made me tired.

    • Bleed Blue

      May 21, 2015 at 3:00 pm

      As in ehn Anna! I was exhausted too.

      Let me copy my fellow BNers’ lingo…..
      “Women…..subliminally giving men license to cheat since 1700.”

    • [email protected]

      May 22, 2015 at 12:00 pm

      Really oh!!! you asked well!!

    • Doxa

      May 21, 2015 at 3:37 pm

      Hmmm, give a little room…give the devil a little room and he will take over the whole estate o.

    • Jane Public

      May 21, 2015 at 4:02 pm

      the woman is dirty, used and worthless, and your husband the married man that took vows is…………………………… fill in the blank spaces would you Lois? Come on, we are waiting for the choice words that you have for a man that took vows to honour and love you above all others. The best you can say is call him unfaithful? Come on girl, open that repertoire, since you obviously have so many only for the side chic that owes you, wait for it. Nothing. Seconding Bleed Blue’s comment

    • Heyhey

      May 22, 2015 at 10:04 am

      In as much as I don’t believe any party should cheat on the other are we really going to stand here and act like if our husbands cheat on us we will leave him.

      Anyways maybe that’s your view and u are entitled to that view but please let’s not act like forgiving a man who is indeed remorseful for his act is a bad thing. Marriage comes with a lot of bullshit. Forgiveness is a virtue both parties must have in order to be able to stand the test of time. Same applies to understanding.

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      May 22, 2015 at 10:36 am

      Jane you need to chill a bit and read slowly, Lois said and I am copying directly from her comment ( I will just tell her to take ‘their’ break-up in good faith (because it is only a break-up that would have necessitated such torrent) and learn from it that sleeping with a married man only makes a woman feel dirty, used and worthless.). The keyword here is FEEL. Secondly I think Lois is saying women should not be quick to judge the side chicks as their men step out in different ways.
      The moral I got from the story is to step back and think before rushing to judgement.
      Although I personally feel that this story is not complete, as the lady didn’t tell us if the chats the side chick sent was actually btw her husband and the side chick, she also didn’t tell us how the side chick got her contact, knew details like she just gave birth except she shared that on instagram too. The message being passed is salient, a lot of side chicks are taking it up a notch. It is terrible that you re sleeping with someone’s husband, why the need to rub it in? What do you hope to achieve? I have never been one to absolve men of blames but i keep wondering, why would the side chick want to hurt the woman so? why the excess need to hurt another woman with the knowledge of how you slept with her husband and the rest..If that is not a mental illness I don’t know what it is. I am a woman, i would not tolerate a man cheating on me, But if you as a side chick decides that it is alright to rub it in, i will cure you of that madness first before returning to the dog at home. Ahn ahn wetin sef! What is this terrible new trend? All these being politically correct is encouraging nonsense, why would a girl feel its ok to shove her indiscretion with someone’s property in the person’s face?

    • H.......

      May 22, 2015 at 2:37 pm

      Jane Public, Nice comment all through. i would also want to ask Mrs N. about the screenshot messages of fb chat, between your husband and the supposed home breaker like you call it, is that one fake too or they actually had a chat. could you share content of the chat.
      Something is fishy here, before you start dancing makossa up top side chic head, check your husband very well to be sure, she might have lied about somethings, doesn’t really mean all she said were not true..

    • Jhennique

      May 26, 2015 at 8:41 am

      Bia this Jane girl. please go and sit your ass somewhere abeg! shuuu! is like you dont have fuel and you are taking your frustration out on the poor woman. Is it your husband? Is it your marriage? How dare you? classless individual!

    • gia

      May 21, 2015 at 4:02 pm

      Lois,aren’t you ashamed of yourself?!

    • Lois

      May 22, 2015 at 12:50 pm

      NO I AM NOT. If your mum has kept her home (please, i am not being disrespectful ), it is because she has learnt to give room for the possibilities of her husband stepping out; learnt the powers of forgiveness, knows the strength of punishment and the grace of moving on without giving the devil outside the chance of ruining your(her) life/joy someway, somehow. Being a side chic is improper for starts (I am not proving holier than thou) and doing that with the immodesty of rubbing it in the wife’s face is the worst of all. What manner of woman raised such woman of little or no virtue? When there is no shame in bad behavior it then has upped its ante to a level of ‘EVILNESS’. I by no means condone ‘unchastity’ and infidelity in my marriage but I am aware of my culture, realities of my society, laws of nature and environment. There is no shame in giving room for doubt, applying wisdom to decipher a situation and engaging your spouse to ascertain what really happened. My dear, the world of marriage is NOT TELEMUNDO or HOLLYWOOD MOVIE! Mba. A friend of mine who chose to ruin her marriage by throwing a pillow on the couch every night to her husband got a divorce letter after 2 years marriage for a shocker. Yes she has a job paying 7 figures (Yup) and she thought that was all to it. Mr. Man moved on after 4 years of being single to another woman and now has children. She is still considering freezing her eggs because menopause is calling. She reaped from watching too much movies, learning from liars and not giving her husband the chance to trash-out their issues. I am a career woman, mother and wife and i am not ashamed at all about what i have learnt first hand from the 50s, 60s, 70s marriages. No, I FEEL NO SHAME

    • Dee

      May 22, 2015 at 3:33 pm

      Lois my goodness! I feel so sorry for you. Honestly I feel like crying for you. You’ve been so brainwashed, it’s actually something to pity and not insult.

      “Being a side chic is improper for starts”
      – Sister being a cheating husband is also improper for starts

      “What manner of woman raised such woman of little or no virtue?”
      – Sister, what manner of woman raised your man of little honor to actually vow marriage to a woman and then poke his p*nis in another woman?
      – Sister, what manner of woman raised even you to make you so strongly believe men have the ordained right to cheat?

      “When there is no shame in bad behavior it then has upped its ante to a level of ‘EVILNESS”
      – Sister, just like the lack of shame in the bad behavior of a cheating man…that’s also ‘EVILNESS!’.

      “I by no means condone ‘unchastity’ and infidelity in my marriage but I am aware of my culture, realities of my society, laws of nature and environment.”
      – Sister, you need Jesus!

    • goodiebagman

      May 21, 2015 at 6:51 pm

      Lois abeg no let these unreasonable GIRLS deceive you. Your head dey there. Keep living your life peacefully.

    • Layo

      May 22, 2015 at 3:24 pm

      @goodiebagman And by peacefully, you mean she should lay back and be okay with it while she’s open to the fact that her man is probably out like a horny roaring lion, seeking for whom to devour?
      You are the great deceiver bruh.

    • Iris

      May 21, 2015 at 9:39 pm

      ‘Give a little room’? Only a little? Nooooo…Abeg come and borrow an ocean of room from me and use it to catch fish and feed him for a job well done, especially if he was ‘considerate’ enough to use a condom. When your husband cheats, tell him you were expecting it and it’s okay because that’s how men are. Then two of you can decide how to finish off the side chick for exposing him before he moves to a more discreet mistress. *hiss* #NotEverydaySenseIsEmployed #SometimesOdogoMentalityStandsStrong

    • Di

      May 26, 2015 at 7:36 am

      Darn! I mistakenly liked your ignorant statement. Give room? Why not just give him the entire space (license) to do as he wishes.

  12. tunmi

    May 21, 2015 at 12:52 pm

    So should we start noting down which stage you are in? This would be the denial stage then. I wish you and your husband well, I do. Personally, I do not respond or acknowledge a third party in my relationship. I’m with you and you perhaps did something. Even in the film obsessed, the man had engaged the other woman. Your focus should be on you and your husband and hopefully he is honest so you two can work through this. Women blaming the other woman is tiring. Haba na, face the man you married. Frankly, the more time and attention you give the 3rd party, the less effort you have on addressing the issue between our and your partner.

  13. VeryAngryNigerian

    May 21, 2015 at 1:13 pm

    But what is there to learn from this? Mrs Wife hasn’t explained the Facebook messages. Was it doctored? was it real? Could the other girl have exaggerated her dealings with her husband?….if they were to go to court right now, can she prove beyond reasonable doubt that it was just a “shevil” trying to destroy her home? Has she talked to her husband about this? I believe that if you are married to someone no topics should be off the table, talking to him doesn’t have to be confrontational, but questions need to be answered. I don’t get this going after the 3rd party thing women do, the leverage you have is in your home. Not talking to your husband and cursing the so called side chick does not buy you victory. In fact it tells me you are too scared to face the possibility there might be some truth to it, so you’d rather not go there with your husband. But women need to realize the earlier they know the better, so they can find solutions to their marital issues if exists.

  14. macalina

    May 21, 2015 at 1:14 pm

    my dear you are taking a right decition but i think you should let your hubby know about this. i learn from it shaoooo keep being a woman that you are

  15. cheryl

    May 21, 2015 at 1:15 pm

    wow!!!dis is eye opening, and for dat person saying she brought her family issue up here, can u jst pls pray for knowlwdge and undstanding, u really need it wallahi, anyways, i am glad MRS N shared her experience, I use to av dis boss dat i was very close to his family, he had a problem wit his wife one time all cos of side chics issue, yes he had dis side chic and dis side chic lied dat she was preggy,(her reason for lieing, i dnt knw), she threaten to tell d wife, he sent her money to abort, she said no, d wife must knw, he had to open up to his wife, dey had their moments of war, but when d lady evetually did as she threatened, she sent a very long sms to d wife telling her aw she is his side chic and preggy, the wife gave her d insult of her life on y she dated her hubby when she knew he was married, she den asked her to giv birth to d baby and bring to her dat she will take care of the baby, dat she is stickin to her hubby in dis, dat even if he made d mistake, she would stick to him regardless, dat was d last tym both d wife and my boss hrd from d lady. you knw d happiest tin, dat was d last tym my boss kept a side chic till today, so d way we handle things matter a lot,

    • Layo

      May 21, 2015 at 3:05 pm

      @cheryl I’m just surprised you’re old enough to have a job. You type your words like you’re 12.

  16. Minister Ade

    May 21, 2015 at 1:16 pm

    Whatever this is….

    She has a good and pure mindset that is commendable.

  17. Missy

    May 21, 2015 at 1:28 pm

    Something tells me this pseudo mistress got all the info she needed from Mrs N’s very own social media account.
    I’m happy for you that she didn’t succeed with her poison this time but let’s just think about it for a moment…how many status updates does she need from Mrs F, Mrs K, Mrs XYZ before she can tell them she slept with their husbands on their pink Italian bedsheet with white Russian pillows and she kissed the mole on his right armpit afterwards? lol. Point is, we all need to be careful of how much information we put out there. Don’t arm someone with info to harm you.

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      May 22, 2015 at 10:42 am

      Missy hi 5.. that is what i wanted to say. if Mrs N investigated well and noticed that the person who sent her the message was being mischievous, then suffice is it to say that she got all her information from Mrs N’s social handle. if you log on to instagram, the kind of personal details people share while their account is open to the public kills me, the need to show off every of such details too is a mental illness that needs to be addressed, a lot of us in this Nigeria need to be seeing a shrink on weekly basis but we no go gree, you buy red pillow, you snap it and put on instagram, your husband hugs you, you host on fbk and tag the whole world, O ginidi? what is it? do you need your own tv show? O diegwu!

  18. Open Sesame

    May 21, 2015 at 1:32 pm

    …so I quickly clicked on it and continued with my prayers….I read it, insulted the life out of her and told her to leave me alone.

    Prayers and insult…na wa o! lol

    I love this line: So, if you are seeing this just know the only thing you succeeded in doing is making me realise WE HAVE BUILT SOMETHING WORTH ENVYING.

    Sometimes, it takes things like this to help us realise what we have & take as normal is precious and that some people are jealous of your ‘regular’ life.

    May God bless and keep your home and cause you to grow stronger and more intimate as a couple & family.

  19. Tosin

    May 21, 2015 at 2:07 pm

    Hope you tell your husband the story and insist that he take you on vacation. You’re stressing. That’s the truth. All this “my home” stuff while he’s chilling, make him also invest something with the added advantage of helping you unwind after all the wahala you’ve gone through – baby, hospital, girl-on-girl harassment.
    If it’s Badagry he can afford, but if he has more, TAX HIM more.

    See, different opinions on the marriage thing, but as my guy frank donga says, don’t tight something to your chest. or as my grandmother says, ejika la ngbe okunrin si, a’o ki ngbee s’ori – we put a man on our shoulder, we do not carry him on our head. You understand, so that when he falls, you will not die.

    The wicked person that sent you the messages felt that it would chookk you. And it did. And if your husband is like many many fine-faced nice guys around here, he had a part in the whole thing loool. I fear some guys o, hmmm. I hail their ability to be good and responsible and dishonest all in one package.

    • Ada Nnewi

      May 22, 2015 at 12:34 pm

      lmao at carry a man on your shoulders…My ex’s mum used to say exactly the same thing…

  20. Priscy

    May 21, 2015 at 2:25 pm

    People are wicked sha…
    Why purposely put someone through pain and misery?
    That was her aim

    Even if she were sleeping with her husband, is it not shameful enough? What do you stand to gain by telling the wife you are sleeping with the husband?
    May the Lord have mercy on your soul

    • Ada Nnewi

      May 22, 2015 at 9:14 am

      She’s burnt cause the husband probably put her in her place and made her know she’s just meat…

  21. le coco

    May 21, 2015 at 2:38 pm

    madam, i hope for your sake your husband isnt cheating.. because this woman told you tht she has been sleeping with your husband for the past year.. so whether or not your husband was continuosly dropping of your mom and coming to the hospital to c you does not mean he isnt cheating.. unless you were in hospital for one year? he may hv been with the girl before your mom came to stay.. its entirely possible.. sha… i like tht you were calm… but if i were you.. let d girl cm n meet you face to face, and then invite your husband to join you.. watch for his facial reaction when he sees his mistress…. thats where your answer lies

    • goodiebagman

      May 21, 2015 at 7:07 pm

      Excuse me le coco, are you a descendant of Hercule Poirot?

  22. D

    May 21, 2015 at 2:40 pm

    Not certain how i feel on this one. If I feel the person was not being genuine in their accusations then i will not bother even give he/she the time of day, not to mention taking the time out to send a message to BN, sometimes we don’t realise that we have succeeded in giving the “enemy” the upper hand by merely given he/she our time and energy. I have not been a fan of opening up my relationship to the public for scrutiny but i am also an extremely private person too but not everyone is so i understand if people need to air their problems. .I am also a huge believer in going after the man but i really don’t see anything worth pursuing based on said messages, if your hubby is two-timing you, time will certainly tell cause as my mama says there is nothing hidden under the sun.

  23. CEOchrissamuel

    May 21, 2015 at 3:23 pm

    I am overwhelmed with ΰя great of sense of maturity you displayed in tackling such issue without blowing it out of proportion. I commend you for that and ΰя hubby must be a very lucky man to have you around him. I am still convince that many BN Readers have one or two moral things to masticate from this because this unrehearsal drama could bring accusations and counter-accusations thereby planting a seed of dissonance between two cemented couples.I am happy for you and i am happy for ΰя family too. Thanks.

  24. Alero

    May 21, 2015 at 3:44 pm

    Asoebi bella on my mind…:(

  25. Dimeji

    May 21, 2015 at 4:59 pm

    Side chica on a mission to gain madams confidence so they can stop harassing them on Instagram . A lot of side chics getting exposed of recent on social media so now they want the wives to relax and think they don’t exist? lol

  26. BabyDee

    May 21, 2015 at 5:38 pm

    Okay, so here’s the thing with IG & DMs ( I know this because this happened twice this week with diff people people i sent DMs to that i follow but don’t follow me); you can send a DM to any one on IG BUT the recipient will NOT see the DM which you would have to send with a picture unless they are following you in IG. Once the recipient of the DM starts following you (the sender), they will get DM”
    Here’s the official word from IG:

    Can I use Instagram Direct to send posts to people I’m not following?
    Yes, you can send a photo or video to anyone when you use Instagram Direct. If you send a post to someone who doesn’t follow you, your post will go to their requests queue. If someone accepts your request, your post will go to their direct posts the next time you share directly with them.
    Posts that stay in the requests queue may become unavailable.

    So madam Mrs N, how did this “DM” notification pop up on your screen as you claim if you were not following this person on IG already? Are you lying about this whole thing? or lying about the part of how the girl reached out to you? Or are you just looking for attention?

    BN, Pls post my comment oo cos you people be doing that your selective stunt when you don’t want people to hear the truth!!

    -BabyDee

    • NaijaPikin

      May 21, 2015 at 6:28 pm

      odikwa very sharp. lol

      Also why did she ask about the color of the car? Why didn’t she ask for the home address? or descriptions of the home? Even if he used a friends house, she’ll know which friend is encouraging bad behavior from the address provided.

      Seems lady is scared to face reality

    • Person

      May 21, 2015 at 7:42 pm

      It doesn’t matter whether they follow you or not. You can send a DM to anyone that you follow and the person can absolutely reply you without following you. Mrs. N story is unnecessary but she’s not lying.

    • Jane Public

      May 22, 2015 at 9:39 am

      the lie part is the “notifications”

    • Jhennique

      May 26, 2015 at 8:46 am

      Madam, you get notifications that someone (a non follower) is trying to send you messages on instagram. Once you accept the message pops in and you both can communicate whether you follow the person or not. Please stop spreading falsehood.

    • Thatgidigirl

      May 21, 2015 at 8:33 pm

      BabyDee for president!!! However, the explanation to this may be that iyawo and iyale were following themselves on IG already…..let’s give excuses for the writer of this cock and bull story! to think i skipped dr morfin’s post for this!!!! mcheeeeew

    • Hugo

      May 21, 2015 at 10:53 pm

      My thoughts exactly. This whole story reeks of an over active imagination. Till someone answers BabyDee’s query, this is another pile of horseshit. Gbam!

  27. Manny

    May 21, 2015 at 9:59 pm

    As tosin rightly said, na for shoulder we dey put men, not for head. Some people abusing Lois there, it’s not a license to cheat, it’s just reality. I always say marriage is/should be a symbiotic relationship. Of course, the expectation is no cheating. If he does and you absolutely cannot deal with it, replace him. If he does and his other benefits outweigh the cheating, then well. Today, I read that 10.4% of all capitol hill residents are registered on Ashley Madison! Plus, they have 59000 people with a DC billing zip code. That’s reality there-surely included would be congressmen and senators that have a lot to lose. Whether you give them license or not, they are doing it discreetly or publicly. Your own is to protect yourself emotionally, financially, sexually etc
    As for Mrs that wrote letter, you cannot be certain without proper research. The girl probably exaggerated but your husband might not be totally innocent here. But then, he might be. Even if he is guilty, let the resident feminists bite me, you are right to fight for your relationship.

  28. LolaM

    May 22, 2015 at 12:09 am

    @BabyDee Hm, well it is very strange that instagram said that BECAUSE as a matter of fact just yesterday I recieved an IG Dm on my fitness page from someone that I do not follow and it popped up on my notifications. Also, I myself have sent DM’s to someone that doesn’t follow me and they responded without following me back (& they did it in a timely manner). Sooooo…. that’s very strange, and that also indicates that her statement is true

    • Jane Public

      May 22, 2015 at 9:34 am

      nah, it won’t pop up on your notifications, the first time. What pops up is after the person has read the DM, the next message sent then pops up on your notification because by reading the message, the person has accepted that you can then send them subsequent messages. Let me break it down, you LolaM wants to send me Jane Public a message on Instagram. Both of us don’t follow each other. I won’t know until I check my DM folder, you know the icon that looks like an envelope. After I have clicked on the green tick, even if i don’t respond to your DM, the next message you send, e.g “jane public please respond”, that is the one that WILL pop up on my notifications, because i accepted to read the first message. So Mrs N here has coloured the story. This isn’t the first time she is receiving a DM from this lady. She has received one before, at least ONCE, for a DM notification to show up. I just checked my IG and can see 5 messages that I haven’t read. One that was sent 10mins ago and i have been on my phone since. Noring popped up.

    • Jhennique

      May 26, 2015 at 8:48 am

      madam. I get dm notifications. All the time!!! are you using a bb10?? This might be the reason. Please leave this woman alone

  29. ms

    May 22, 2015 at 12:13 am

    Madam abeg face your husband and just accept the truth as bitter as it is. Believe me your husband has a dealing with her, direct or by proxy; Stop lying to yourself. Some men are just dirty dogs very dirty and smooth operators that can lie for Africa and make you believe your name is not yours.

  30. sjs

    May 22, 2015 at 9:28 am

    so much negativity…..really sad…if you cannot see say something positive or criticize constructively……then keep quiet….i dare say it’s only on social media you have the guts to talk down on people because it might earn you a slap in real life if the person is not patient. every individual has a right to express himself or herself…….maybe if it was someone famous like beyonce or kim kardashian that shared this story the comments would be different.

    • NaijaPikin

      May 22, 2015 at 2:04 pm

      Wetin concern Beyonce with story wey no get front and back? Which one is hating in this kind of matter.

      Naija needs to start retiring some words. #1 on the list should be “hating”

  31. tee-ller

    May 22, 2015 at 2:26 pm

    I don’t know why some women take their ‘Agony’ on the ‘sidechicks’ and not their husbands. In most cases,its the married men that follows these girls and ask them out and lured them to bed with money or sweet talks and not the other way round so, you should sit your husband down and talk to him(i bet he won’t tell you the truth anyways)he must have even gone behind to beg the side chick not to expose’ their affairs to his you anymore! So Dear,take a chill pills!! Your problem is with your husband.
    ON second thought, the side chick should come out and spill it with evidence /details (she should finish what she’s started) or else she is a Coward! Shikenna

  32. WhyJane

    May 22, 2015 at 3:23 pm

    But why is Jane Public carrying this matter on her head like crayfish. Abi are you related to the side chick ni? I get your point that men need to be made accountable but the vehemence and aggression you’ve been displaying on this post, o dikwa serious. Take a chill pill madam. Yup.

  33. Lapetite

    May 23, 2015 at 3:43 am

    i choose to see the point that this lady is trying to pass across. I have heard, as many of you have as well, stories of people trying to break other people’s marriages and failing. I think her point is that sometimes, the guy just might be innocent. If you don’t know her personally, why jump on her case and become the judge, concluding that her husband was guilty as well? Haba, my people. Haba.

  34. TheMaestress

    May 23, 2015 at 5:21 pm

    Like lots of people have stated, there are a lot of unanswered questions. Mrs N, as a married woman myself, I understand that trust is key to building a successful marriage. I’m not judging anyone or casting aspersions, but these are some questions that came to mind:
    1. Is it possible the husband rented or borrowed a car to cover his tracks especially since he’s creeping?

    2. If you had a difficult pregnancy and/or delivery, does this mean your husband unable to make love to you for an extended period? Is he the type of man that can do without sex for a prolonged period?

    3. Obviously, your delivery was stressful on you both. I have come across people that need to relieve stress by having sex? Is your husband such a person. You mentioned he was too tired, but some people de-stress between the sheets.

    4. Did you talk to your husband about this encounter with this lady? Or you just concluded on your own, that the girl is not credible.
    You mentioned marriage is sacred; that it is. And it is a covenant between two people, and this relationship transcends all others. My point is , if you understand, like you say, what marriage is, you should be able to table this issue before your husband and ask him questions. God knows, I would.

  35. Jhennique

    May 26, 2015 at 8:52 am

    When will peopl have sense sha? Moral of the story. People will try to bring you down, No other woman or person should be enough to cause issues between you and your spouse esp with unconfirmed stuff like this. maturity should be applied in all things. Think before you act. Her husband may actually be cheating or not. But she is not choosing to let some random faceless human being out of nowhere be the reason she raises dust in her own home, And that to me is wisdom!

  36. vee8

    July 28, 2015 at 12:46 pm

    Be in marriage ist to know wat it takes b4 opening ur guts to comment dear fellows.happy 8th wedding anniversary to me and my honeycomb, it’s been God all the way.more years of love and togetherness to us. Side chickens keep being one,ur mates are busy tieing nupital nuts every saturday. Y not take pleasure of being a proud mrs/madam than hanging like those bus conductors I see in Ebute meta.

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