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Aunty Bella: Miss. Feeling Used

BellaNaija.com

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Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. A BN reader left this comment under one of our posts and we decided to share it.  We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.

***
I am so depressed. I met a guy and he was so serious from the beginning. We found out we were also from the same town. I was sceptical at first but decided to give him a chance.
We had sex and he suddenly changed, stopped calling.  I was always complaining and he said he was under pressure at work I could not take it anymore and I ended the relationship My pain is that when I told him I wasn’t feeling the relationship he just said okay good no problem – meaning that he wasn’t interested at first. Please was I just used?

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Rocketclips, Inc.

76 Comments

  1. Toma

    June 20, 2015 at 6:33 pm

    Why do women say they feel used after a consensual decision to have sex? Sebi you both enjoyed it? From your write up you were the one who ended it, you are now pissed he didn’t argue with you. It’s on this same bella naija that people will shame women who decide to ‘ keep their legs closed’. Bottom line, you agreed to it, it didn’t work, learn your lesson and move on.

    • cindy

      June 20, 2015 at 7:08 pm

      I think a lot of women prefer the build up to the actual thing. Maybe she didn’t enjoy it, what do I know? ?I feel she had sex with him so that he won’t leave or something, probably why she’s feeling used. Chastity is no longer clebrated these days, so I’m not surprised if she felt she needed to.
      Anyway babe, if you feel used then you probably have been used?

    • shelly

      June 20, 2015 at 7:31 pm

      I don’t think you understood her properly. The issue wasn’t the enjoyment and consensual sex. Its that the man was ‘ok’ with ending what she thought could have been a relationship. If a guy didn’t want a relationship he should have MAN UP from the start and said he wasn’t ready for one.

    • Hmmn

      June 22, 2015 at 12:48 am

      I tire o. Like why do u have to tell lies just to get in someone’s pants??? Life shouldn’t be that complicated Abeg.

    • shalom

      August 16, 2015 at 8:09 pm

      yes for real, it also aplies to the female see if you are not intrested in a person please do well by quiting befor it becomes serious. lets learn how to respect peoples emotions. people who love for real are not fools.

    • FasholasLover

      June 20, 2015 at 10:05 pm

      @ Toma Hi5.
      Mtscheeew. This is what happens when you give up the cookie too soon. Whatever happened to “No Sex before monogamy” ( Patti Stanger, The Millionaire Matchmaker said so) Common Sense says so.

    • Nma

      June 21, 2015 at 5:13 pm

      By default, women are emotional and programmed to catch feelings after sex and when the other person starts misbehaving after the act, she’s bound to feel this way @Toma

    • Sisi

      June 21, 2015 at 8:16 pm

      You dont understand, thats why you blame me. My dear he came really seriuis how would i have known it was just for sex. But i acceot i was stupid. I have learnt the hard way.

  2. Amm

    June 20, 2015 at 6:33 pm

    One can’t tell for sure but It looks like he wasn’t much into you. Be strong, move on. The Lord is your strentgh. And please do not jump into the next guy’s bed. Pray for grace to wait until mariage. You will soon realise that the boundaries the word of God sets are for your good and not just to unfairly restrict you.

    • Lois

      June 21, 2015 at 2:35 pm

      Yeah, now the ‘Lord’ is involved. ‘Madam sorrow’ opened her legs quickly for ‘Mr SharpGuy’; he chopped, cleaned mouth and moved on and this ‘girl’ is asking if she’s been used. No you have just been excused. If your emotions cannot handle being potentially dumped, then don’t allow sex before marriage or any other type of solid commitment. Girls don’t learn sha.
      For short ‘Madam Sorrow’, you have been freaking USED AND DUMPED. Learn from it move on and keep your ‘fanny’ worth it. I’m sorry for sounding insensitive

    • sleek

      June 26, 2015 at 10:33 pm

      Hey Lois, I see where you coming from, but let us remember sex before marriage doesnt always prevents cheating or getting dumped.

  3. Doxa

    June 20, 2015 at 6:35 pm

    Umm…yep.

  4. Zuko

    June 20, 2015 at 6:36 pm

    How sad. You just got used girl but nevertheless it’s not the end of the world, move on

  5. Manny

    June 20, 2015 at 6:40 pm

    Sadly you were. But it’s not the end of the world. Be more careful with your sexual choices in the future.

  6. A Real Nigerian

    June 20, 2015 at 7:08 pm

    Your attempt at reverse psychology didn’t work and now you’re whining and moaning.
    You both had consensual sex, and he isn’t into you anymore, how exactly were you used?
    I’m tired of weak women looking for sympathy and talking about being used whenever a relationship ends like this.
    *hisses angrily*

    • Renix

      June 21, 2015 at 12:18 am

      Liar liar pants on fire – hissing “man”. You go Tay on top shelf with this your despicable attitude.

  7. Leah

    June 20, 2015 at 7:26 pm

    You very well may feel used but that does not necessarily mean you were. Some of us woman attach our feelings with intimacy, while most men really just want to have sex. I think what happened is a miss communication (or lack of) of what you wanted out of the relationship vs what he wanted. In the future, if you are not the casual sex type, communicate that to make sure you are on the same page with the guy before hand so there is no confusion. Develop a status first if any at all before you get intimate, though some might argue that sexual compatibility does help establish a relationship statues. So… It could be he just wanted sex or changed his mind after sex. Either way, you need to forget this guy NOW that you are not invested in him in any way. A gentlemen knows not to leave a lady wondering and second guessing herself. There is nothing there, let it go and move on. Cheers

    • nene

      June 21, 2015 at 7:56 pm

      best comment!

    • Sisi

      June 21, 2015 at 8:23 pm

      I am the poster who posted this story. During the period i met this guy i was really vulnerable. I had not dated in almost two years cos i am scared of all these happening to me. Unfortunately now i tried to be involved in a relationship, it happened to be one of my worst fears. This guy in question is so churcheous and i never imagined that he would ever be this deceitful. The comments i read here are the truth but its really sad to hear that i was used. But well at 26 years i have learnt. My TOTO is closed until we head to the altar. Thank you guys for telljng me the TRUTH, although i knew it but i was carried away.

    • fleur

      June 21, 2015 at 9:27 pm

      If he was “churcheous” he would not have tasted or asked to taste your punani. He would have courted you in a godly way. Please, consider the satisfaction you got from it and move on. He got some, you used him to get some and its even. Next time, give because you are hungry for a taste. Not because you are eager to rope someone in. Why do we even have to teach these things anymore? this is the sort of stuff that used to be coded into the female DNA. Beginning to wonder if y’all are really women

    • Abena

      June 22, 2015 at 10:16 am

      Explanation like these drives home the point that people are just church goers and have NO fear of God in them!How can you think a churheous person would even want to disobey God’s directive on no sex before marriage?
      Ladies if any guy who appears to be ‘churcheous” is demanding any immoral acts from you,just know he is not in the truth!Run from him,no person who loves God would want to disobey him,no matter how appealing or tempting it is..
      Sorry for you….Lesson well learnt i hope.

    • Tosin

      June 22, 2015 at 1:22 pm

      haa, Sisi joo ma close toto nowww.
      i know how you feel, just chill, you don’t need to swear any oaths right now. don’t listen to all these aunties o. you could, if you want, learn to surf the waves instead of running from the water.
      #datsall
      shebi you read the Bible. ehen. Eve in the garden of Eden, Eve with her big eyes, when they said no touch that apple, she said ehn Adamu let us eat apple jooo. And that’s why the Word of God tells us “their eyes were opened.” Imagine, if not for her curiosity, i don’t know, we might be dumb as donkeys or something.
      ooto oro ma n da bii isokuso, but it’s true what i’m saying. you ‘aff already open eye. kukuma open well. with sense. with safety. with kindness. and with God.
      joo ma close toto, i’m begging you 🙂

    • PurpleiciousBabe

      June 22, 2015 at 5:32 pm

      lool…@ churcheous..What does that even mean?
      Seriously!!!
      Messed up.

      How does going to Church have anything to do with it?

    • Nnenne

      June 24, 2015 at 6:34 am

      Being churcheous isn’t being righteous. You were just carried away, there are always pointers and danger signals but women are usually carried away to pay attention to such danger signals. I had a similar experience, I learnt from it. Now I know better. You should make the right choice and right decision, and stick to it no matter whose ox is gored! If locking up makes you feel safe and in control of yourself, then go ahead. If you must do it, then do it coz you want to, not coz u want to pls some guy. But best is to lock up til the guy that’s worth it shows. There are so many roving guys seeking who to conquer, it’s a lame conquest. But shows they have low self esteem. You don’t have to “hit and run” to feel good with yourself, man up guys…

    • sleek

      June 26, 2015 at 10:37 pm

      Hey sisi…Dont beat yourself up…The way the mind works is weird..if you keep living in this fear, am sorry but u will continue to experience it. No one was used abi; did hair fall out of your vagina or money from your savings account. He is just a dude that needs to be forgotten and time will find a way of doing that!

      beedivadotcom.blogspot.ca/

    • treasure

      July 14, 2015 at 5:49 pm

      dear Sisi, life throws us many curveballs and we learn from them and move on. Thank God it didn’t go long and you’re jilted months or years into the “relationship”. I pray God strengthens your decision to hold on till marriage. Babe, that’s an honourable decision and don’t let anyone else tell you different. Take it from a fellow 26-year old, waiting till marriage is possible and you can do it.

    • Ngozi

      July 21, 2015 at 6:22 pm

      @Sisi. It’s a good decision to move on and keep your … closed. My focus is the churchy part. You know people by their fruits not attendance. Church is in these days. Are they like Jesus in character? or do they just attend church. if they are like Jesus plus attend church that one na better person. But church everyday and no Christian character, or no church at all but claims holier than everyone. The last two are dangerous. Voom (Run) is better than statement.

  8. shelly

    June 20, 2015 at 7:32 pm

    Babe you were used. Unfortunately there are guys out there that will not just do the right thing and say they wanted a boinking partner. Chin up! Keep it moving and no need to feel depressed.

  9. mayo

    June 20, 2015 at 7:36 pm

    Toma relax we all get carried away at the beginning for one who has a target “the guy”he wud play it out well and if the girl apnd to be lonely then its a hit,obviously she cald to end to see weda he wud gt serious but unfortunately he just used her,dnt beat urself up babe just try to shine ur eyes and use ur head nxt time.

  10. bruno FIERCE

    June 20, 2015 at 7:48 pm

    first of all, thank the lord. this aunty bella article was short and went straight to the point. all those long long articles, ain’t nobody gat time to be reading all that.
    pls it should always be like this. short and straight to the point. no long essays.

    I blame the woman. but its painful when u like someone and the person doesn’t like u. when u threaten to stop the relationship and the person isn’t moved. very painful.

    I am going to leave you, and the dude is like whatever,if u want to break up, fine breakup. its very painful. I feel her pain. thats how nigerian guys are. he was never into u in the first place.

    u will get over it. he is a jerk and he isn’t worth it. there’s plenty juicy fish in the sea so dont worry about him. u will find a better guy who will be afraid of losing u. who will beg u when u threaten to end things with him.

    pls don’t go back to that jerk. he will call u in future to say he’s sorry but he’s not. he is only running back to u cause he has found out that the grass isnt green on the other side. don’t take him back. insult him and tell him he has missed out on all of you (point at ur breasts and ur bumbum) lol

    nigerian men are heartless. so all u ladies ( and gentlemen) u better watch out. know who u are dealing with.

    • aurora

      June 20, 2015 at 11:43 pm

      LMAO. Bruno, for all your talk about the length of the article, your comment was much longer and a tad too long. Biko, calm down and stop taking it personal. A

    • fleur

      June 21, 2015 at 9:29 pm

      I wan talk the same. Thx

    • Ope O!

      June 21, 2015 at 9:40 am

      So you believe in the Lord after all? Wow! There surely is a God somewhere! Praise the Lord somebody!

  11. Iris

    June 20, 2015 at 7:51 pm

    I can’t believe this is a question. In this 2015 he has left you and you’re still there wondering. Oya, sit down and wonder *rolls eyes*. If you think about it though, did he really “use” you? You were not forced, yes? Even as he didn’t force you, did he specifically or repeatedly say things that STRONGLY implied he wanted a relationship that was beyond sexual? Did you know him pretty well before sex? If the answer to these questions is “no”, no one has wronged you.
    This is why I believe premarital sex isn’t for everyone. In an ideal world, all women would be sexually liberated to the point that we could have a purely sexual relationship and walk away unscathed. Unfortunately (and perhaps annoyingly) not everyone can but everyone is forming liberation which is why a woman will open her legs, and consequently her heart in anticipation of a proper relationship or a ring. She’ll then be disappointed when the other human being walks away like she was a pot of beans. Sleep with anyone you want by all means, but make sure you’re doing it with open eyes, either purely for your pleasure or for your pleasure and a relationship that is in a place you are happy with and confident in. He may still walk after years in a relationship or even marriage but at least then there is some justification for your anger or complaint. If you can’t deal with any of this then close your eyes and manage konji or get a Rabbit until you’re ready. Despite the constant virgin shaming that goes on on this blog, it is not a crime to not sleep with someone you’re dating. Just know and understand who you are – both personal values and your emotions – before you sleep with anyone, whether or not you go in a virgin.
    Take handkerchief for your sorrows.

  12. Babym

    June 20, 2015 at 7:51 pm

    Moral of the story, don’t have sex with a guy and expect that it will lead to a relationship! Most times it is really just what it is….just sex

  13. Trendysturvs Blog

    June 20, 2015 at 8:25 pm

    Its sad but it’s not the end of the world. Dust yourself up and ensure this never happens again

    P-Square & Flavour In Cape Town For A New Music Video (Photos)

    trendysturvsblog.com/2015/06/p-square-flavour-in-cape-town-for-a-new-music-video-photos/

  14. LotusFlower

    June 20, 2015 at 8:39 pm

    This is funny. You were the one who ended the relationship. I wouldn’t say he used you, but rather, he probably was not that into you. Next time, hold off on sex until you are certain that the man is actually interested and not simply looking for sex. Chin up. Lesson learned.

  15. funmi oguns

    June 20, 2015 at 9:08 pm

    Babe,technical you were not really used,i can understand you were skeptical 4rm the begining.the problem is the guy is not intrested in the kind of relationship u wanted…that why u are feeling used,and in other to move on,u hv to feel and act like the Sex was a normal thing

  16. Swizzey

    June 20, 2015 at 9:37 pm

    you see this your story is a bit like the average Nigerian customer, when we see a new product,we rush to buy it, when our interest and appetite has been met, we look out for the next new thing.

  17. Kiki

    June 20, 2015 at 11:04 pm

    That’s life sometimes people use you, sometimes you use others. All I can say is sex does not make a man stay. If you decide to have sex with a new partner prepare your mind that it can go either way and be prepared to accept anyway it goes. And you never know God may have saved you from getting into a disastrous relationship. The right man would stay sex or no sex; so clean your eyes and move on

  18. Sugarintheplum

    June 20, 2015 at 11:53 pm

    Regardless of what anyone says, we have all been in a situation where we liked someone more than they liked us, with or without sleeping with them. Unrequited affection for someone you want to have a relationship with is painful but it isn’t the end of the world, so don’t be depressed.

    Rejection comes as one of the most brutal stakes to the heart because it deals a direct blow to our ego. You liked this guy but his actions suggest that he appeared “serious” in the beginning in order to gain your trust so he could sleep with you. Once this happened his interest waned and he paid you less attention. You felt neglected and in order to get him to pay you more attention you ended the relationship hoping it would make him want you more.

    Unfortunately he had already checked out when he stopped calling so ending the relationship was really for your benefit, not his. He was interested in you but only for a fling, not a long term relationship. Don’t take it so personally. The only reason you’re suffering the sting of rejection is because you feel emotionally attached to him. If you had no emotions towards him, his rejection would mean nothing to you.

    So going forward, try not to see yourself as being used. You took a gamble, which is what most people do when they sleep with someone soon after meeting them, as you do not know the person well enough yet, and it didn’t work. Just accept that it happened for a good reason. Don’t trap yourself in moments of doubt and distress because you feel rejected, it will only make you feel worse.

    You’ll meet someone new soon and realise they are much better for you than he ever was. Don’t contact him again. If you have to convince someone to be with you, you’re hustling backwards, only people with low self-esteem chase someone who doesn’t want them. You’ve already wasted enough time thinking about this guy who isn’t worth it, it’s time to move on with your life and start dating again.

    • mz_daniels

      June 22, 2015 at 9:06 am

      This happened to me.Perfect gentleman, sex happened. He kept calling, we even quarreled once, then he disappeared. I’ve tried to be mature but it’s been 7 months. I fixed a meeting with him for tomorrow and I”ll demand that he break up with me with the words’ I just wanted to have sex’. I need to hear it to get closure.

      PS: don’t say it’s low self esteem, it is what it is.

    • Tee

      June 22, 2015 at 2:50 pm

      @Sugarintheplum Thank you for this write-up! I am going through something similar.

  19. tunmi

    June 21, 2015 at 1:01 am

    These comments right here are the reasons I love BN. ???????

  20. Hian

    June 21, 2015 at 1:02 am

    Baby girl, technically you were not used. He did not tell you “sleep with me and I will date you”. We have to be careful how we cry foul play. In this case mama, he wasn’t in it for the long haul but you expected more. Such is the way of adult relationships sometimes. To avoid feeling used, gauge a guys interest before giving your body to him. Some men are careless enough to sleep around and feel they can just move ahead. You now know you are not built for that so pause and assess your relationship before getting in to deep.

  21. Californiabawlar

    June 21, 2015 at 3:16 am

    Lol! Yall just went in! No pity party! Later now some guys will come here and say females on BN are delusional feminists who blame men for anything and everything….cataract catch their eye now they can’t read these comments…shior.

    Anyways, pele o Miss Poster, sex or no sex he would have left you…and you would still have felt used or at least that he lead you on and wasted your time… I hope the D was good tho…cos na that one go be complete waist…jk!!
    I don’t think he’s a bad guy…just a dude who wasn’t that into you and got tired of pretending. Next time always have spare tire until you’re exclusive…makes a time-waster’s exit less painful.

  22. miini

    June 21, 2015 at 7:47 am

    Ryt there is the problem of premarital sex. I think that God’s ‘laws’ are not grievous and they are for our own good. And women, why do we always put ourselves in funny situations? Men and women handle/feel abt sex differently and except a woman has so ‘liberated’ her mind she should never just have sex coz exactly this story above is what will happen.
    So babe’s, pls move on. He technically used u, but I think u used him too but it just ddnt work out ur way. Wait for the ryt man and try and keep sex for where it’s supposed to be.

  23. stevo

    June 21, 2015 at 8:16 am

    women always talking about nigerian guys using dem. on the flip side there r lots of guys being used by women

  24. ACE

    June 21, 2015 at 10:26 am

    Lol… Omg! Am sorry I laughed cos these things happen everyday like we should learn to withhold until we are married . Whatever happened to bed undified am sorry but its a common thing . I no holy pass but I have learnt my lessons. Don’t feel used darling, just be careful next time.

    • khaleesi

      June 26, 2015 at 11:27 pm

      The wrong spelling happened…lmao! Biko, na undefiled, inugo! These beds ain’t loyal no mo

  25. Wow

    June 21, 2015 at 11:23 am

    My dear, this is why Steve Harvey, Patti Stanger and relationship experts tell women to keep the ‘cookie’ in the cookie jar. Don’t give up sex so easily. Most women attach emotions to sex while men don’t. If you’re a believer, pray that God gives you the strength to hold off till marriage, however difficult it may be. If you’re not a believer, then, at least make sure you and the guy have established a monogamous relationship first before giving up the cookie. You’d be surprised how much better you’d feel. Good luck!

  26. Like

    June 21, 2015 at 11:55 am

    Sorry dear. The truth is we attach alot to sex.. which is important because we want to ensure the premarital sex will lead to marriage.
    Pre martial sex is wrong but i wont cast you on it.

    My advice is move on, you were not used but your understanding of the outcome of the relationship might not have been communicated or aligned with his. It seems you both wanted different things.

    Lessons
    Know what you want from every relationship and communicate it
    Know what you are willing to compromise on
    Ensure you only engage in things that wont leave you guilty or used if the relationship doesn’t work out.
    If you dont want sex, dont engage in it to please anyone

  27. Que

    June 21, 2015 at 12:37 pm

    Abeg miss poster, what town is this that you are from….make I dey use glasses dey watchout for them…..and any other useful stats.. at least make this story dey useful for others…

  28. Tosin

    June 21, 2015 at 3:01 pm

    As useless as life is, sometimes something exhilarating happens: You meet a stranger and come to care so much about them that should they choose then to mescojive, you are actually hurt by it.
    Sometimes it’s minor and you’re just perplexed – why are people so crazy? why do they say yes when they mean no, no when they mean yes, or maybe?
    Sometimes (hopefully not too often) it’s a big one, you’re rocked to the core – oh, woe is me.
    Awww.
    It’s for times as this that poetry was made (hint, hint, click). And cheeeesy music. May you (re-)discover your favourite music. Celine Dion? Overeating. Long series films. Carrie Bradshaw. MFM (that was a bad joke) but yeah, call Baba God into the situation. Friends, betta friends, not we mean old hags on gossip/lifestyle blogs. Hugs. Hugs. Welcome to the club.

    He’s a stupid boy joo, tell him I said so 😉

  29. jide

    June 21, 2015 at 7:06 pm

    Reminds of a Sex and the City episode about Carries Bradshaw having sex like a man. Haha. The lesson learned here is keep your legs closed until you are married. It’s not even about what the bible says. It’s the psychological toll this has obviously taken on you. Somme women do a good job separating intimacy from sex. Some women think sex is intimacy. I think you are more of the latter, thus the need to keep your legs closed before you let these men mess up your mind. No worries, the right guy won’t make you feel used.

  30. Tkum

    June 21, 2015 at 7:24 pm

    that guy that put you in this mess will continue to have itchy scrotum that he wont be able to wear his trousers anymore…he will never know peace, decayed vagina will give him nightmares until he confesses…wipe ur tears dearest…u lost nothing…u only terminated a scumbag on ur path to finding real and true love.

  31. ben

    June 21, 2015 at 7:42 pm

    On a more practical note you should try not to waste ur mb(mental bytes) on wat happened and keep declaring God’s word that it is working out for ur good. it will help u overcome dat psychological gulf. And next time dont give up d cookie b4 u say i do

  32. nene

    June 21, 2015 at 7:55 pm

    hate to break it to you. you were USED, in capital letters. move on and don’t feel bad.

  33. Me

    June 22, 2015 at 7:27 am

    I would like to ask a question… So I started dating this guy almst four months ago nd it was heaven until last month. Mr man just stopped nd started acting up, can go the whole day without calling,leave me on delievered on bbm,come back hours later nd open it nd not reply. I call him a lot too until during inauguration week tat I ran out of cash nd didn’t think to withdraw before that friday as I do not ve an atm card, I was cashless that weekend nd tat was when I noticed mr man didn’t call at all,I had to ask my sis for card to call him. I was so angry nd I told him. He acted normal for a day nd stopped again. Nd I always ask what’s the matter nd he says he doesn’t know. I told him I wanted to break up on saturday,he begged nd told me to wait for him to adjust to him(I don’t understand what he means) he said we should adjourn. He didn’t call at all that night,called yesterday in the night nd was trying to act normal acting like nothing happened. Should I still insist on the breakup thing or should just chill for him?

    • dolapo

      June 22, 2015 at 1:44 pm

      well gurl you are leaning to strongly towards him, you need to leave him be and let him chase , men love when they cant figure out a woman, and you my dear are very predictable . now what you do is to give him a week , dont call dont text him, let him call you back if he doesnt then please delete his number cus you are wasting your time if he does call you then act formal with the single one liners responses if he really likes you he will inquire about whats wrong and try to fix ityou see men are very practical when it comes to relationships its we women that are emotional so dont call and lets see what happens

  34. lola

    June 22, 2015 at 9:45 am

    why cant we just empathize with her WHY MUST WE JUDGE??? @cindy ur last line was a bit inconsiderate what if its your friend or sister it that how you will console her or cheer her up? we are all human adding to someone’s pain doesn’t make your life better. lets all learn to be motivators to others. NOBODY HOLY PASS.he without sin should cast the first stone

  35. Angiee

    June 22, 2015 at 11:55 am

    My dear wipe your tears and move on. He doesn’t deserve you a bit. It’s just so clear that he was there for the sex, which he got sharp sharp. This should be a lesson for you and also to every woman out there. Always Zip it up until your wedding night to avoid stories that touch.

  36. Bisi

    June 22, 2015 at 1:09 pm

    Youre very right Angiee… I was in a similar situation, Even worse, this guy, perfect guy, Just suddenly started acting up, Believe me i didnt do him no wrong. Oh well, its so Hard for me cox we actually even start speaking about marriage nd stuff only for him to start acting up. I constantly dwell on it, but now it just seems like im drained. Cant deal with it no more.Id rather keep my mental bytes for some one berra

  37. oy

    June 22, 2015 at 1:14 pm

    some poeple can ask jamb kwueshion sha! ofcourse you were used, you need a soothsayer to tell you that one? *eyes rolling*

  38. dolapo

    June 22, 2015 at 1:31 pm

    its amazing people just come out with snide and hurtful comments like this when we all know these keeps happening every time , what she needs isn’t criticism she just wants someone to reason with her,
    Sadly i know exactly what you mean we have all had our experiences trust me you aint the first gurl to be played honey ; a silly guy comes your way promising heaven and earth just to get the cookie , and the minute he gets it he flees, its obvious he never really cared hence the easy breakup , he was just interested in getting the cookie from you . this is hurtful but i have to tell you Yep you have been used,usually how it works is the minute he doesn’t call after he has got it , you were supposed to get the message but i guess you liked him and needed some sort of explanation which he clearly wasn’t interested in giving; Life goes on dear, this teaches you a lesson on how to deal with the next guy that comes your way, trust me you will be a lot more cautious next time

  39. Jhennique

    June 22, 2015 at 2:35 pm

    OUCH! Men will be men 🙁

  40. Zika

    June 22, 2015 at 2:36 pm

    Been there done that and ve got the tee-shirt and cap .A lot of girls can relate to your story sisi. The truth is that it’s not easy letting go cry if you must. Dust your self up and look beautiful and face your job or biz. Try to channel your energy into things that make you happy. I remember meeting this guy who I thought got me *yimu*. He would call day and night. Infact, even ask me the bible verse I read the day before. He was the churchy type so I thought. Some church guys are smooth operators. Dude finally walked after tasting the cookie. The signs are there, don’t let a man tell you he doesn’t want you twice .You deserve to be loved and treated like the Queen you are.

  41. Jhenni

    June 22, 2015 at 2:46 pm

    I met this guy. He chased me. Hard! made me feel things about myself that i hadnt felt before. He asked me out – kinda. I made sure he knew there was going to be no sex. Like never. as long as we werent married. He changed his mind. Went cold on me. It hurt but my esteem was intact
    Fastforward a few months, we are friends and i can look him in they eye without any shame whatsoever. I wont deny i liked him enought to change my mind at some point. I just thank God for the moments of indiscretion that he presided over. Be strong about your choices girl, own them and make them work for you. No man is entitled to your veejay if he hasnt committed to you for the rest of his life. I really dont think you were used. I think shit just happens sometimes. All the best!

    • PurpleiciousBabe

      June 22, 2015 at 5:46 pm

      Liked your comment over and over again.
      Esp. the never part. Cos the truth is if he really was the one(he could overlook it and yes could end up with the cookie before marriage). I don’t encourage it sha, stick to your guns but you know what I mean.
      Some men. Whimps… *scoffs*
      Just as well, your self esteem was intact. x

  42. justsomebody

    June 22, 2015 at 7:21 pm

    Gone are the days I judge a guy by what he appears to be before the outer world. Some guys are losers!

    Good example? Today I was driving back home from work and this seemingly decent guy(all dressed up like any responsible guy could look) decides to push me over from my lane from no where. As baffled as I was, I did an “are u ok” sign with my hand and drove off.

    Low and behold, some meters ahead when I made a stop at a b/stop to get something, unfortunately my glass was half way wound down and thus same dude (though I didn’t realise immediately) stopped beside me and spat over his car. Like serioyslyseriously? Who does that? One would think only irresponsible people would do such.

    To this guy if you are avert oportuned to read this. YOU REALLY ARE A BIG LOOSER. THE SAME WAY YOUR WIFE/GF WILL BE SPAT/SHIT AND PISSED ON.

    PS: Never live a specimen like a deliver on someone’s car. You never know what could be done with it!!!!!!

    • justsomebody

      June 22, 2015 at 7:28 pm

      Specimen like a saliva

    • Anon2

      June 23, 2015 at 8:05 am

      He must be a spoil brat

    • red

      June 23, 2015 at 10:11 am

      hian!!! spit ke? smh. very irritating. Some people are beasts sha

  43. collynx

    June 28, 2015 at 9:20 pm

    hello miss, first of all get over your depression and smartened up. you really did fuck up but the mistake is made already, all you gotta do is to learn from it. ‘cos it’. s always a game.

  44. Knight

    July 3, 2015 at 3:57 pm

    Erh, so am struggling here. You met a guy and had consensual sex. You ended it and you’re upset the guy said ok???. Was he supposed to have been begging or what?

  45. MIiss T

    July 15, 2015 at 10:36 am

    Well, lot of us ladies make dis mistake of having sex wit guys wit d hope dat it’ll make the relationship stronger, the truth is, some guys would come back again nd again maybe cus they liked the taste of it or maybe they fell in love in d process but in ur case he dint even like u at all, he got wat he came for nd moved, maybe he even has a fiancée, how would u know?, FACT Sex before marriage is bad, we know but we also know that it takes only d grace of God to abstain, my own is that, I will tell u HO HA dat I don’t want sex, if ur interested gud nd if not all gud, well am grateful that i have an understanding partner, we shower, cook, sleep in same bed together but no sex…….. the thing is, its all about understanding nd love.

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