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Do You Agree? Charly Boy says Society Looks at a Single Woman as Incomplete

Adesola Ade-Unuigbe

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Charly Boy

Veteran musician Charly Boy is known for sharing his thoughts as candidly as possible.

In a new post on Facebook, he talks about the societal pressure on women to get married and how society has made it that no matter how successful you are you still need a husband.

He wrote:

More women are career orientated and because of this, marriage somehow takes the back burner, however, no matter how successful a woman is in our society, irrespective of what she achieves in her career, or how financially independent she becomes, society still looks at it as incomplete. It is always expected that she crowns it all with a husband attached to her and where she fails to get married, her success is always tagged with a clause. Marriage is a Nobel institution even though we don’t think it’s meant for everybody. So what so you think, does marriage validate a woman, and do parental and societal pressure create this need for validation…… Share your thoughts.

What are your thoughts on this?

Adesola is a BellaNaija editor and Voltron. Yes, things are that serious for her when it comes to BellaNaija.com.She's a lover of gist, novels, music and food. She's constantly trying not to take life for granted. She spends most of her time either keeping up with the world on the Internet or sharing some acquired knowledge about digital media.To communicate with her directly, you can hit her up on: Instagram - @adesola.au Twitter - @ThisConnectd

106 Comments

  1. Mystique

    September 15, 2015 at 3:24 pm

    This is very true…….. shouldn’t be the case but it is what it is… Most times my married friends who are younger than I am are given more respect than me. It hurts all the time but I’ve learned to live with it.

    • Kaeto

      September 15, 2015 at 11:21 pm

      Ethnic, why do you think feminism is rising so fast. You know what marriage is becoming redundant in most societies, and in others is on the rise because we know men ain’t shit. Gone out the days of our soildiers and protectors, now they are like our dogs that need to be tamed. So yeah, we are done. Women seeking validation from society is so two years ago.

  2. Swizzle

    September 15, 2015 at 3:27 pm

    Whether you agree whith him or not, he has said the truth. It is our society and that is what it is. Nothing more amazing than a succesful married woman though…stunning! Forget the modern day airbrushing of realities under the guise of freedom of choice/expression.

    • WarriBeeche

      September 15, 2015 at 6:29 pm

      “…Nothing more amazing than a successful married woman”?!
      Biko, what does this statement even mean?! This mentality that marriage is the be it all in life is very damaging in our society. ‘Get married or die trying’ – that is why you see women staying in no-good miserable & abusive relationships.
      Most (not all) women want to get married eventually and have a successful marriage but there is only so much a woman can control. First of all, the right time is God’s time. Next, you are getting married to another imperfect human being. If you play the perfect wife but your partner still cheats, is abusive or does not want to do again, what will you do, Kill ya sef?

    • Swizzle

      September 16, 2015 at 12:12 am

      You deviated a bit from what I said though, seems you tried to address two issues at once. Let me explain myself: I believe marriage/home running is a very tough thing so if you are able to combine it (a happy, fulfiling marriage/home) and have a successful career (reaching the highest point u aspire)… it is an amazing thing! There is just something about it that makes it a beautiful sight. I have seen a lot of it trust me.

    • cancel reply

      September 15, 2015 at 6:54 pm

      Nothing more amazing than a successful and fulfilled human being!

    • Swizzle

      September 16, 2015 at 12:49 am

      I agree with you

    • Ogo

      September 16, 2015 at 12:23 am

      Ha! I will forever remain in awe of the Nigerian reasoning!

    • unique

      September 16, 2015 at 6:54 am

      So what types of blood run through your veins to generalised Nigerians. Just because you were born outside nigeria or have a greencard does not makes you an American or whatever country you choose to affliate yourself wwith. And bcos you have the opportunity to travel or live outside the country is not a recipe to regurgitate this awful, derogatory comment to my dear country?

      Enjoy whatever and live wherever you want but dont insult my dear country and its people.

  3. anna

    September 15, 2015 at 3:30 pm

    Ever since I moved to Europe, I have no plans of permanently returning home. There is this spirit of freedom and independence that possesses you in the white man´s land. Germany in particular, provides women with plenty of opportunities. Marriage? before 35-40? Not here oh. Men and women are in competition for financial success and lucrative jobs. Each time I visit my birth country, relatives dnt care about what I do for a living or how successful I am. The first question is “So my daughter, where is your husband? When are you getting married? You know time is no longer on your side” and I am only 25 oh. My mates in africa are on to their 3rd kids already but my mates in Germany are busy building up their CVs and furthering their education. This difference in society is very disturbing. The african society denies women the opportunity to realize their full potential and fulfill their dreams. Getting married is priority. A woman who has low education but married is more respected than a single woman who is financially and academically successful! this is truly disturbing.

    • Natu

      September 15, 2015 at 4:26 pm

      I don’t find African women ambitious. All they talk and pray about is marriage. I am in the process of launching my own hair care line at age 22 and my cousin is married with a kid. That is why I keep my white friends around because we share the same sentiments and we have the same goals. #younganddoingit #smartbrowngirl

    • Delta geh

      September 15, 2015 at 5:13 pm

      lol see generalisation. I don’t know what African women you have seen but there are plenty I know who want and have a balanced life. One where they have a career and a happy family.
      P.S. If your cousin is happy that’s all that matters. Nothing wrong with her wanting a husband and kids. There are white girls who also want that.

    • Delta geh

      September 15, 2015 at 5:18 pm

      And may I add if you are not ready to get married nobody should shove it down your throat. To each his own but all I would say is do you! do what makes you happy and let God guide you. If its career, go for it. If its marriage and being motherly, go for it. If its both, go for it. But one type of woman isn’t better than the other. They both define success in a different way.

    • whocares

      September 15, 2015 at 5:18 pm

      *rolls eyes* (Congratulations on your business. I truly mean that despite my eye roll as I admire entrepreneurs and as it concerns black hair.. please promote on BN when you are done).
      However, you deserve that eye roll. To make a sweeping statement like “African women are not ambitious”? Do you know the blood that runs through your veins as an African that makes you think Caucasian women are more ambitious? Let us start with the society. African societies are more patriarchal than European ones (for example.. not saying those countries are not, but it is covert. They do not thumb women’s nose at their “superiority”.
      Now, what do you define as ambition? I define ambition as “constant hustling”. You might not reach your goal, but so long as you are constantly doing something then I will regard you as ambitious. I will ignore the women abroad, or who have better opportunities, and focus on your run of the mill women in Nigeria for example. Let me chose market women. Those women are savvy. Women in Nigeria do so much. Who sells pure water, ice block, cements and does those unsavory jobs just to be able to cater for their family? Do you understand that because it is a patriachy they do not even have the luxury to be able to get into proper paying jobs in the first instance and the fact that they still try, and still make something of themselves is a feat?
      Of course they will not achieve much because they do not have the opportunity other women in other parts of the world have been exposed to. Imagine if the iyaloja of some market in Nigeria got the proper education and what not like the caucasian woman does, you think she will not be making waves? This is why your statement has rubbed me the wrong way.
      Now, as for your friends. If that is who they are, then that is who they are. But to make these sweeping condemning statements? hm mm. I know African women that are doing very well in their own right. They might not make the papers for world changing events, but within their community they always strive to change it. The point of my epistle? I hate that charly boy is right, and he is. I also do not like sweeping statements.

    • Natu

      September 15, 2015 at 6:04 pm

      @whocares you made some really valid points. You also have to acknowledge the fact that our society does not pressurise women to work hard. I always read comments from women on this site stating that “women are suppose to help and the man is the bread winner”. If you hear your parents, relatives and society feeding you this bullshit why will you work hard? Why will you be driven? Besides, you are just an “helper”. We do not even celebrate hard working and independent women. Look at the way women on this site are always commenting on Rita dominic and genevieve’s single status. I for one admire them because they are the pioneers of their respective lives

    • Natu

      September 15, 2015 at 6:09 pm

      @Delta I wasn’t generalising and my bad if it came off that way

    • Delta geh

      September 15, 2015 at 8:26 pm

      Sorry… it seemed like it… but kudos to you for being entrepreneurial at this age. It’s amazing 😀

    • Ogo

      September 16, 2015 at 12:30 am

      For the sake of all the women who have engaged in whatever trade or the other to give their families the very best, your statement about their lack of ambition is very offensive! African women are very industrious! I currently live in America and I see a lot of white and black girls who just want to have babies and husbands ! The lack of ambition is not particular to any set of women!
      P.s- prayers never hurt nobody! I bless my mother everyday for her prayers.

    • nira

      September 16, 2015 at 9:06 am

      My dear natu, you re so wrong….there re so many African women conquering the world as well as other women in various parts of the world. When I was in England, I knew girls that just wanted to graduate from High School, work at tesco or a clothing store and get married..they did not want more and I know for sure it cuts across. As Delta geh said, each one to her own, if marriage comes first for you, by all means do it and be happy, and if its your career, go ahead and conquer the world. And if you want both, go for it. We cant all be the same or want the same things and that doesnt make one person inferior to the other.

    • Tiki

      September 16, 2015 at 9:30 am

      What a stupid (not silly, STUPID) comment. How many ‘African’ women do you know? How many studies have you conducted, or even read?

      So because you have gotten what seems to you like a brilliant business idea at the childish age of 22, you think you have earned the right to generalize and insult African women? Somebody like you who is probably barely out of school, still receives (regular or sporadic) financial help from parents and family, has NO long-term responsibilities or investments which she has paid from with her own money?

      See, child, instead of shooting off your mouth and alienating people who may very well be part of your customer base tomorrow, keep quiet, put your head down, and turn that ‘set-up’ of a business idea into something which impacts lives, before attempting to judge a whole continent of people!

      Anybody who knows this child in real life should twist her ear for me. Her comment REALLY annoyed me!

    • Segun Jegede

      September 15, 2015 at 4:53 pm

      You are right baby, you are right. Why is there no such pressure on men even though they come from the same culture? It’s menopause baby, it’s menopause. Men don’t have women-o-pause, else there will be pressure on them too. Check this out – if you have a child or two, even though they were born out of wedlock, the pressure to get married will be less or not even there at all. When they see your children, all they will say is how are “my children” doing. People no longer frown at having children out of wedlock anymore, and nobody will ask you if your children were born in or out of wedlock. Go for it baby!

    • unique

      September 16, 2015 at 7:04 am

      And there is a cost for that spirit of freedom and independent. I am not surprised at how degrading the same society has become morally with the high rate of immorality and promiscuity that abound. Look at the. Expansion of the sex toy industries , hormones drugs and all that. I am actually still not surprised because the scriptures talks about thus time when people no longer value marriage and rwfuses to be involved. 1 Tim 4:3

    • Bolu

      September 18, 2015 at 6:03 am

      @Tiki GBAM! Reading some of her comments here she really feels she has acquired all the common sense but the girl lacks wisdom from her comments.

  4. Lady K

    September 15, 2015 at 3:32 pm

    Unfortunately this happens only in Africa (mostly Nigeria). Yeah I get the necessity of marriage but i think it’s a very difficult commitment, it’s your decision whether you want to go into it or not. F^ck the society. Whether you marry or not, they’ll still talk.

    • Manny

      September 15, 2015 at 4:12 pm

      Not mostly in Nigeria actually. Nigerian women on average fare better than women from Niger I think. It’s all over Africa jare

  5. Sherenren

    September 15, 2015 at 3:40 pm

    The weirdo is some how right. Nigerian society is so obsessed with women being married that the moment you mention you are single they start feeling sorry for you. Even family can be so cruel and say no matter how successful you are, without a husband and kids you are a failure.

  6. Tiki

    September 15, 2015 at 3:44 pm

    This ideology has been beaten to death. Enough already. Like everything else, we are falling into the danger of spending all our time talking about it, instead of actively doing something against it.

    What to do, I don’t know. But as a lady in her late 20s who sees her career as a top priority in her life, I’m tired of explaining myself and my views. It’s up to me to either wait for ‘society’ to think like me, or find a ‘society’ that will accept me as I am.

    • Ogo

      September 16, 2015 at 12:31 am

      Live in Nigeria and block ya ears! When they are tired of talking, won’t they keep quiet?

  7. ha ha

    September 15, 2015 at 3:47 pm

    Let me speak for myself.

    I believe GOD is the Beginning and Ending of the se things.

    All things came from the Word-JESUS-so wife, children, husband, marriage, all the good feelings, things come from inside HIM.

    So do HIS WILL only and you will be fine, have GOD, have everything because all the glories children would ever have, all those plenty sweet memories originate from the WORD!

  8. Duni

    September 15, 2015 at 3:52 pm

    BN, please work on your website. I am not able to access the next pages. It keeps refreshing your home page. Other sites are functioning properly. Please, note. Thanks.

    • odi

      September 15, 2015 at 4:54 pm

      BN the tab banner with the news, features, events, music, bla bla just covers my phone screen whenever i scroll up. Its getting frustrating. Are you trying to get more or alienate readers?

    • BellaNaija.com

      BellaNaija.com

      September 15, 2015 at 4:55 pm

      Please email a screenshot to bella (at) bellanaija.com
      We will really appreciate it

    • Bolu

      September 15, 2015 at 5:39 pm

      That is true @ bellanaija when I want to go the nexpage the home page keeps coming up. Its been happening for over 2 weeks a couple of time a day. I thought maybe it was my computer acting up.

    • Fashionista

      September 15, 2015 at 10:08 pm

      Yep! Can’t go to “next page” either, both on my phone and on my work PC. Thought it was just me.

    • Melanin

      September 15, 2015 at 11:05 pm

      Having same problem too.

  9. T

    September 15, 2015 at 3:55 pm

    I don’t know why but its very sad…how society ties been married to a woman’s success, I believe in love, family, marriage, happiness, infact I love it, but I think its wrong for anyone to think a woman needs to be married before validating her success, there are people who got married, had issues, got divorced and are better off than they were even after they got out of the marriage, marriage does not dictate or define a woman’s success, it’s totally wrong to think that way

  10. uyai

    September 15, 2015 at 4:01 pm

    All rubbish talk. Who cares about what society says. Many have been married and are depressed. Many died in the marriage. People should live their life. What matter most is service to huamnity

  11. Ib

    September 15, 2015 at 4:13 pm

    Chai! “Woman dilemma” Be like e no get end.
    And Yes, Uncle Charles Oputa is not far from the truth o.
    I just read Gabrielle Union’s interpretation – “The penance for being a career woman is barennness”; now this.
    http://www.bellanaija.com/2015/09/14/lets-talk-about-it-gabrielle-union-says-the-penance-for-being-a-career-woman-is-barrenness/
    Indeed DiarisGod for we 21st century women.

  12. Mackie

    September 15, 2015 at 4:20 pm

    True! And it’s such a pity that this is part of what being a female in Nigeria entails

  13. Truth Teller

    September 15, 2015 at 4:20 pm

    It’s a reality, but it is mostly in Africa. Most African men are intimidated by strong, independent women who hold their ground and one of the best ways to bring them crashing down is their marital status.
    It’s a reality that most men don’t ever want to admit.
    Are we going to tag Mother Theresa a failure because she was never married even as great as she was? The answer for most of not all would be no because she was a great and noble woman who touched lives.

    Society has a way of dictating how one should live and its up to us to either do the right thing, or dance to their tune. The problem is the double standards. Marriage IS A BIG DEAL! Society shouldn’t dictate when or who you should marry, have we even sat down to wonder why so many marriages area failing?

    For some people they just get married so they don’t get the backlash that comes from not getting married. I’ve seen so many incompatible people settling down together, even their relationships are an oven and I wonder why they eventually bothered getting married when they can kill each other ( yes, some actually do), what’s the point then?!?

    Who is society? It’s us! We make up the society., why should we then dictate how people should live their lives? Marriage is a good thing if not the best if done with the right person, it’s amazing. Love is such a beautiful, beautiful thing.

    As I always say, some people get it early in life and some don’t, why pressure any body. If we claim we are getting married early because ‘our biological clock is ticking’ , what happens when the owner of the clock decides to make the couple to wait for years before having their own children? There are people that have been married for decades without having their own biological children,heck even some virgins that married as early as 18 have been denied this privileged, Bottom line, it’s not a good enough reason even though very valid.

    The point is we should stick to what we know is right. If you believe in God, follow his word and no one else’s . For Christians, there’s no age limit for a woman to get married even though there are factors that should be considered and just like almost everything else in life, the earlier the better but if you don’t find the right person, please wait. Society can go to blazes!

    • Abby

      September 17, 2015 at 7:20 pm

      God bless u dear.
      My younger sister am 2 years older than got introduced to some douch last year…..she left the country shes in and went to visit him. Spent almost 2 months over there, came back complaining that he wasnt behaving the way he was talking to her on the phone…..blah blah blah. I say make i talk small she and the one older than me told me how my relationship ended how I shouldn’t give her any advice. I shut my mouth just sidon dey looku looku. So this year she met another one, Mumu did not learn anything from the last one, she left the country she dey again go visit am. They r already engaged, and planning wedding by January, again am just praying for her. So while she was there she was texting my older sister how the guy was “controlling, negative….” and such. How when the went out she wanted water he told her to hold it till they get home. The thing that made it worse is, he told her to stop putting make up, shut herminstageam account down….and she’s making excuses for him; “I know he is like that but nobody is perfect….”. My sister love to make up, dress good but now she’s saying….”oh my husband said not to do this or that”…..am like “get yo stupid looking ass away from me!”. Shes doing all this because her best friend is married and hv a kid. now she want to belong, this girl is only 23 oooo…..smh. I once dated a guy who told me to stop saying “hey” as a greeting that it sound so American and so casual. I didn’t even care to explain myself……I said the first thing that came to my mind “go eff urself”. So if I comply….he’ll come up with another thing…..”stop saying this or stop doing that”…..

  14. Segun Jegede

    September 15, 2015 at 4:40 pm

    It’s always a man who asks a woman for marriage (on bended knee) irrespective of who wants it more. It’s the utmost joy for a woman when her boyfriend asks her to marry him. It’s true that when a woman is uncrowned (that is, unmarried), she is looked upon as worthless (that is, no man wants her), even if she is as beautiful as an angel. people will say, “she too ugly”, or “she too dey make yanga because she think say na she fine pass”, or “she be ashewo”, etc.

    • WarriBeeche

      September 15, 2015 at 6:38 pm

      A few things about your comment really rub me the wrong way. I read ‘misogynist’ in the tone of your comment. Uncrowned ko unshackled ni *rolls eyes*.

    • cancel reply

      September 15, 2015 at 6:58 pm

      …and you point is?

    • :)

      September 15, 2015 at 11:49 pm

      My dear, he has no points at all don’t even bother asking. The comment has no head or tail.

    • Kenya

      September 16, 2015 at 7:27 am

      Which one come be uncrowned again? Oghene Biko!!!

    • BC

      September 16, 2015 at 9:28 pm

      Every woman has her crown. Don’t confuse a ring for a crown.

  15. Nahum

    September 15, 2015 at 4:46 pm

    It is not society Charley but men. The African man does not want a successful woman. And what better way to tie her down that subject her to not marriage ( marriage is a beautiful institution), but African marriage. African marriage is brutal and unfair to our women. If we can change African marriage, then marriage will be much more appealing to successful women.

    1
  16. Frosh

    September 15, 2015 at 4:49 pm

    Truth teller, you really speak the truth!

    He who brought up the point has already started stating it as a point before he says “society looks at them as…..”

    People should let people LIVE,we are society and we are too quick to judge, my two sisters marriages were a massive mismatch and now not up to four years later, we are having family meetings up and down settling from violent outbursts to domestic violence cases… Abeg fuck society and everyone who wants to judge, marriage comes at the right time for different people. Live your life for you not for any useless public opinion, when you rush into it because of society, society won’t be there to help you chop kwa kwa after they finish chopping your party rice with you!!! Mtscheeeeeeew

    diaryofacrazyblackgirl.blogspot.com

    • Nahum

      September 15, 2015 at 4:57 pm

      Sorry about your sisters marriages. African men need to change their views on marriage. This idea that every woman must marry is what leads to domestic violence, adultery and all manner of abuse. If the African man learns to truly value his wife, we will see better results.

    • Frosh

      September 15, 2015 at 9:15 pm

      Tanks @Nahum, we are still praying for a good outcome… African men really really really need to value wormen more, majoriity of them need an absolute reorientation.

      @choi, lol, but ain’t that the truth.,,smh

    • Choi

      September 15, 2015 at 5:17 pm

      “Live your life for you not for any useless public opinion, when you rush into it because of society, society won’t be there to help you chop kwa kwa after they finish chopping your party rice with you!!!

      @ Frosh, choi, you hit the nail on the head with this statement. So so so so true.

  17. mgtss.blogspot.com

    September 15, 2015 at 5:07 pm

    Who is society really???

  18. Ngozi

    September 15, 2015 at 5:09 pm

    Why not just speak the truth to yourself. To thyself oh man e true. Are you indeed happy without a Godly responsible man. I personally feel more fulfilled having both so instead of blaming society look deep within and be honest with yourself. Do you want to continue to have just one or two blessings. I will rather pick the two. Marriage and career and both can be given. Pray to God for wisdom. The Bible says marriage is honorable and there is nothing any human being can do about it. hence the reason why the younger woman is more respected because she is married, Anything of honor bestows honor when you participate in it, So please get married to God’s choice and have a career. Shikennah. One thing has always helped me in life, if I want something I don’t talk as if I don’t care just to feel better. If I want something I pray about it and say it instead of deceiving myself. It’s like a woman who truly wants a baby in her heart and yet says ‘oh not now, children are stressful’ That’s why women should stop moving with fake sophisticated wannabes. A wise man chooses his friends carefully, better choose women who are Godly for real. Those who will pray with you and fire will down to consume all problems and obstacles.

    • WarriBeeche

      September 15, 2015 at 6:47 pm

      What are you rambling on about really? I couldn’t even read the rest of your comprehension essay. Did anybody here say they do not want to get married to a Godly responsible man…?
      The problem is that the man described above is a needle in a haystack in Nigeria and not easy to come by. Many women are waiting and waiting for such a man to come, by but society will not let them rest. That is why some women end up miserable married to ungodly irresponsible boys.
      God’s time is not man’s time, if the ‘Godly responsible man’ has not come by the time the woman is 30yrs there nothing that can be done execpt continue to wait – but No! Society will start making the woman feel guilty and inadequate for something that is beyond her doing or control.

    • Complainingtoomuch

      September 15, 2015 at 10:37 pm

      You just like to complain why?

    • BC

      September 16, 2015 at 9:58 pm

      Don’t mind her jare. Just dey yarn off-topic dust.

    • Alem

      September 15, 2015 at 10:24 pm

      @Ngozi, with all due respect please shift to one corner abeg. It’s people like you that make single ladies feel like failures. By the way I am married but I absolutely do not believe that being single means you are worthless. I see this happen in my company where the guys look down on the single ladies but respect me just because of the MRS status even though they are all older than me and it makes me sad that as a nation we have not evolved past this mysogyst views. Why I always ask does the same principle not apply to single men? I mean are they not the ones to propose to a lady? Meaning that they are far more at fault being single than the ladies.

    • Frosh

      September 15, 2015 at 11:21 pm

      Hi Ngozi, we are actually talking about societies “perception” of single women and the pressures women are put under to get married at all cost regardless of the “kind of man” they have to settle for. We are NOT talking about women’s desire to get married or saying we don’t desire it. We are not bashing marriage or the institution of marriage. I hope you get the point.

  19. 'Deola

    September 15, 2015 at 5:11 pm

    Every society has what it values. The western society values an individual’s freedom and the economic system, education and the free market ideals have configured many individuals in such a manner that they derive pleasure and fulfilment beyond the family unit. Some are fulfilled pursuing their careers and being the best at what they do and are okay with having having dogs and cats as companions. It explains, in part, why there is the need for immigration and decline in fertility rate. And on the other part, it explains why some turn to turkey basters.

    It is a catch 22 situation. I mean succeeding within the west’s economic system means you are willing to embrace delayed gratification. And for a woman interested in a career, it might mean sacrificing youth, potential suitors and the appropriate biological age of having babies.

    Unforunately, in the african setting, the values of the free market have not been wholly adapted into our modern culture. It explains why the fertility rate is high and a lot of premium is placed on the idea of the family unit that includes husband and wife. Our values are more communitarian, hence the pressure on women.

    In spite of our values and the complicating factor of religious beliefs, those wanting to go it alone will have to be bold with their choices. It is as simple as that.

    • iyke

      September 15, 2015 at 8:52 pm

      ????Smart thinking!

    • Idomagirl

      September 16, 2015 at 2:22 am

      Well said! You analysed it well!

  20. honeyposh

    September 15, 2015 at 5:19 pm

    I once had an ex who was always criticizing my work and all, i had a 9-5 job and on weekends i was a business woman, he frustrated me ehen, it got to a stage i started declining jobs just to please him. The long and short is that we ended up breaking up due to this and many more. Just be yourself, if you know you just want marriage and no career with all means go for it and stop looking at young women that have a burning ambition to be successful. Some of us have brains we dont want to go to waste you know….

  21. Paulaspeaks!

    September 15, 2015 at 5:49 pm

    I love all the different perspectives.They all make so much sense. Personally, I think marriage is a beautiful thing only if you marry your friend.But because of preasure. Most people don’t and then find it difficult to have a balance with their career.At the end of the day, we all need God’s intervention to lead us in the choices we make .

  22. Niola

    September 15, 2015 at 5:58 pm

    My own 50kobo: -(1) A single woman or a single anyborrii is only incomplete if she , he or it does not have GOD. Period!

    (2) Marriage does not validate anybody at all, (still a warped sense of mentality in Nigeria, even for men, unmarried men are seen as irresponsible to badge decision-making positions)

    (3) Marriage and Career are not co-dependent, it is also not a case of one or the other either. Just choose what works for you, for me, I love being married because it is an opportunity to share my God given love in a God-ordained institution with someone as Christ intended , for companionship and also to share the bills(just kidding) and lord knows I love my career so much especially when I am reviewing those T&C’s. The adrenalin rush is orgasmic!!! I think all I have to say GOD, God at the end of the day anyone who has you has LIFE…

  23. Honest guy

    September 15, 2015 at 7:05 pm

    All you have do is Google “not married by thirty” that is what shows like “sex in the city” “Mindy project” “SCANDAL” “Being Mary Jane” are based off of single career women. PLENTY OF AMERICAN women go through the same thing. What nonsense are you people talking.

    I can careless if women have husbands or not. I just finished my masters and started a new job making close to 6 figures annually. I cannot even see myself having one girlfriend let alone wife and children wtf?? When I was young it was drilled into my head that we young boys in naija should be husbands and providers. Living in yankee totally different, I can date different women(white, naija jamo,chinco or hispanic) openly without lying, make great money, get sex and still get married when I’m 40-45. Abi you no see George Clooney or Simon Cowell, p diddy, jay z !

    I enjoy dating career oriented women here in america, because they don’t want commitment only good sex . Which is really all I need from a woman. Plenty of naija guys are waking up, why be pressured into marriage because you impregnated a woman or you’re getting old. As a man I can have my cake and eat it too.

    I tell women focus on your career and education because there is no guarantee I will marry you if you get pregnant or age over 30!!!

    • Babe

      September 15, 2015 at 8:34 pm

      @honestguy
      I’ll take you up as a challenge {~_~}
      What what?
      I don’t know how old you are but dang I need to meet a man like you
      I’m guessing you are an engineer huh ?
      I’m a PE here in Texas! Hit me up

    • Honest Guy

      September 16, 2015 at 4:27 am

      Lol DBAdmin in DC hmmmm and i’m 27. meeting folks on the internet is weird but you’re in America and Nigerian so if anything happens to me FBI IRS and CIA are on your case. let me know wassup.

    • Babe

      September 16, 2015 at 12:10 pm

      Lol
      You have a sense of humor too!
      I’m in Texas! I’m not on any social media so how do we do this? -_-
      I totally agree! I barely meet people on the Internet
      It is exceptionally weird! Email ??? Lol
      Old school I know
      Be creative Biko!

    • whocares

      September 16, 2015 at 12:24 pm

      That is how this one will go and enter one chance now. The man says he is looking to gbensh only. You now want to come and be his saviour. Enrique Iglesias ni e abi? take him on as a challenge not even on his gbenshing offer. All the way from Bella Naija blog, not some flesh and blood guy you even know gan sef. it is well. LOOOL. Do not mind me.. I live for these BN hook ups and goss.

    • Babe

      September 16, 2015 at 12:36 pm

      @whocares.
      You lack a sense of humour oh
      Lol. I’m not as naïve as I “type”
      Also you know how big US is huh?
      So I’ll pack my bags from Texas to Dc to go and supposedly “screw” somebody I met on the Internet huh?
      Lol jokes.
      This is how you meet people
      I thought his comment was interesting, a tad mean, and it piqued my interest. Nothing wrong with that.
      But thanks for the look out!
      Oshey

    • whocares

      September 16, 2015 at 1:22 pm

      @Babe.. that’s my aproko quota for the day o. Loool. I rather hoped you would actually, and then update us on BN. If it makes you feel better, you are a champ in my office ATM. looool. I started a mini bet. You are making me more money than the bros. Of course, I will not let anyone see this irrefutable proof from you that you are not going to go. lool

    • Honest Guy

      September 16, 2015 at 4:27 pm

      @Babe Email [email protected] I created it just now,
      If anything we joke back n forth, If you’re cool… I’ll probably give you my @IG, If you’re not a guy, yahoo boy or a witch. I’m down to add followers/follow on IG at the least. IG is for nosey people who never meet anyway. If you mess up Sha! We’ll be the first Naija people on MTV Catfish! either way Bella naija gets on MTV, You get to be on MTV, I get to be on MTV, WE ALL ON MTV. Lol

    • Babe

      September 17, 2015 at 2:25 am

      @honest guy!
      Hahaha at witch or guy or yahoo yahoo!
      Bruhhhhh!!!
      It’s not that serious
      Lol! I sent you an email as well with a subject line Bella naija!
      Weird I know!
      I do applaud you for the creativity tho! {~_~}

    • Babe

      September 17, 2015 at 2:28 am

      @whocares what’s the bet on?
      I feel like I should get to know you too!
      Lemme get my naija connections going! Lol
      I promise to keep you updated just so you can win
      But please I beg ?
      What am I supposed to do so you win the money Biko?

    • Idomagirl

      September 16, 2015 at 2:23 am

      I like this comment.

  24. Kukks

    September 15, 2015 at 7:13 pm

    Uncle Charles isn’t far from the truth. That is how my friend’s husband is always asking me “when are you getting married?” “What are you getting a Masters for?” Smh. Odiegwu X2! ?????

  25. faith

    September 15, 2015 at 8:59 pm

    well, my thought on this is…..:/ that picture looks terrible. chikena

  26. OJ

    September 15, 2015 at 10:14 pm

    I hope your vibrator is still fully functioning sha…dont over use it, especially when you know you can always get the real thing.

  27. onyx

    September 15, 2015 at 10:19 pm

    Personally, I’m getting tired of the male bashing going on on this blog. Uncle charly aired his views putting the blame on society and some of the comments on here saw an opportunity to generalise “African” men as the cause. I’m married with a kid and love and respect my wife to the death and I have friends who act the same way and na for this Lagos all of us dey. The problem is when I come to this blog on topic regarding relationships, you’ll think there is not one single good man in naija and these are the same chicks that ooh and ahh when wedding features are put on this blog.The hypocrisy of some of y’all ladies is becoming annoying. Trust me there are great guys in this country ready to treat women right but all we see on here is male bashing right, left centre. Maybe some of you ladies need to look inwards too and then maybe you won’t attract some of those horrible guys you come across that give men a bad name

    • Idomagirl

      September 16, 2015 at 2:24 am

      I think only 3 or 4 comments out of 50 something mentioned African men. So calm down.

  28. OJ

    September 15, 2015 at 10:25 pm

    All those shouting careers, financial freedom, moving up the ranks in the cooperate ladder, competing with men etc…deep down they know they need a man, even if society doesn’t it stress it, you know you need a man but probably none has approached you or u are even scaring them away without knowing it. All those shouting a man feel intimidated at a successful woman, be deceiving yourselves, very soon you’ll end up on Tagged, OK Cupid and the rest….why not make yourselves loveable first and see if men will not naturally be allured to you irrespective of your achievement. its when you carry that i am CEO or HOD or miss strong black independent woman on your head, guys will not take you seriously, at worse they will bang and go…..anyway, there’s a reason why they have plenty sex toy shops in europe, very invaluable for their lonely women folks

    • Person

      September 16, 2015 at 12:53 am

      Your stupidity knows no bounds. ‘Make yourself loveable’, ‘sex toy shops for lonely women folks’. I refuse to unpack all the stupidity in your paragraph.

    • Idomagirl

      September 16, 2015 at 2:26 am

      This comment doesn’t make any sense. Being focused on your career doesn’t mean you do not need companionship, also saying you aren’t ready for marriage doesn’t mean you will not have a relationship with a man.

      Calm down, read and understand people’s comments, it’s not that hard.

    • BC

      September 16, 2015 at 9:49 pm

      Is the woman supposed to propose and marry herself? If she’s single, maybe she hasn’t found someone compatible. If she’s single, she’s single, and she didn’t ask for the whole villages opinions. The point is let people be! If you like teach your daughter to accept any man, whether or not she’s comfortable with him. Your comment has only shown us that you’re part of the problem.

  29. oj

    September 15, 2015 at 10:27 pm

    Nahum, I don’t agree with your viewpoint that it is men. Think about it, who are the persons that have told you that a woman is not successful until she is married?

    In my own experience and those around me, it is WOMEN. Most often than not, women who are married and sometimes the full-time housewives. Perhaps they see it as a way to assure themselves that they are more successful than the single woman who is doing well in her chosen career.

    Think about it, be honest with yourself: when people like genny baby or rita dominic are featured on BN, those commenters that try to undermine their success by pointing to their marital status, or when omosexy is featured, those persons who praise her and say she’s better than genny because of her marital status, are they men? are they single women? Sorry, there’s a higher possibility that the married women are the ones who make such statements.

    Have you ever heard a groom become a diva on his wedding day and insult his single friends for being single? Sorry, but we hear of bridezillas who insult their single friends on their wedding day.

    I’m not bashing married women neither am i insulting any full-time housewife – it’s your choice. But I’m speaking from my experience and the experiences of those who are or were single at the time they shared their tales.

    • Ada Nnewi

      September 16, 2015 at 6:39 am

      You are intelligent!

  30. mamamia

    September 15, 2015 at 10:40 pm

    A career and marriage shouldn’t have to be one or the other and regardless of societal expectation, it is a blessing to have someone to share your life with. Your friends will form their own families and so would siblings and will not be there to share your life on a daily basis.

  31. Jayb

    September 15, 2015 at 10:53 pm

    I might not be a fan of this man and his highly preposterous antics, but he really has spoken the truth. Exactly what chimamanda said in her book. And not only women are pressurized to get married tho. The african society still carries alot of sentiments(i’m not condemning all of them tho). We all have choices to make, and being married isn’t excluded. You choose to be married or stay single and blissful. Let not the society run your life cos it’s you that’ll face the consequence morrow.

  32. Unique

    September 16, 2015 at 12:06 am

    I soo much lovs your comment. Ladies accusing men of all the ills in the society, not willing to admit that its the same womenfolk either family, offices or whereverthat pressurized the unmarried ones among them to get married.
    Whatever rocks your boat, go get it and face the consequences cos there is always an opportunity cost for every decisions
    Fake selfstyled sophisticated ladies have turned this beautiful site to a nedium of bashing men as if they dont have males as friend, family member, brothers , business partnrs .

    JUST DO YOU AND STOP POINTING FINGERS, THE REMAINING FOUR FINGERS ARE POINTING BACK AT YOU.

  33. Wendiva Blaze

    September 16, 2015 at 1:23 am

    If women are waiting for society or anyone who doesn’t pay their bills to spur them to success, well they’ll be the fans of those women who have learnt well from the reservoir of experience available to them. Your own mothers and aunts were good examples as to why it is important for a woman to be able to support herself, irrespective marital status. Marriage is good yes, but it is not the ultimate reality. Not in this day and age. You either make a difference or you become an example.

  34. DAT BLACK CHIC

    September 16, 2015 at 1:33 am

    I read through all the comments and was almost consenting to all your views .this is the reason we are created differently.different views. Do more of what makes You happy.if you follow the opinion of others i just hope u wont die of depression

  35. Femo lala

    September 16, 2015 at 3:50 am

    Women marry up the ladder of social strata while men can marry their peers in terms of achievement or marry down. No man is intimidated of any woman’s success unless he is foolish. As a PhD holder doing well in the academics in the UK, why would I be intimidated of a lady with Masters or aspiring to have a PHD. The truth of the matter is when a girl decide to be very successful academically or in other facets of life, her pooling cohort to choose from for marriage reduces enormously because women marry up. A female consultant paediatrician in Nigeria most likely will not marry a male secondary school teacher while a male consultant neuro surgeon can marry a tailor. There are no rules to marriage and what it brings at the end of the day. Ladies should stop consoling themselves about the lives of women in the western world, a lot of these white women feel miserable and lonely, the conservative nature of the British for instance would not revealed that. Women should just pray for balanced career and family. To the folks in the US, can Hillary Clinton contest even the nomination contest of the democrat party as a single lady? No of course. Marriage is an unwritten requirement for a successful political career in the USA. Validating women using marriage as a criteria is foolish but marriage is if the couple wants to make it work is a pleasant experience.

  36. onyx

    September 16, 2015 at 6:12 am

    @Idoma girl. Calm down? Like seriously? Who said I wasn’t calm? I just gave my 2 cents like others and you’re saying calm down. You could have just come out with a rebuttal by proving what I said is not right but deep inside you know its true. Most relationship articles on this blog are great avenues for male bashing, naija men are this, are that kind of thingy. Trust me it is a wrong mindset and all I was trying to say is that there are a good number of great guys out there (some who I know personally) and not all of us are cheating, women beating, lying and good for nothing misogynistic monsters that we are often time made out to be. Understood?

  37. beauty

    September 16, 2015 at 8:43 am

    To be sincere, when a girl is done with Uni, and nysc that’s where the pressure starts. Everyone is watching and observing you. Any guy you take a picture with is automatically perceived as “the one”. It gets crazier when you get a job and start working for some years without a man. It gets worse when you get a car or even your apartment. Then when you start excelling and getting older, nobody sees your achievement. Its sad to say that Charly Boy totally got it right. Society will always judge you if you are single, the guys are always spared though. Its crazy.

  38. KennyG

    September 16, 2015 at 10:21 am

    I totally agree with grand pa charly on this one….it’s becoming a problem for society to accept single career ladies….no matter your level of intelligence and all that ,without a husband, you’re not respected….this days single mother is still better because some questions that is asked these days are (in my grand mother’s voice)1. “you neva see husband marry? 2. find man wey you go born for oh before time go finish”. it is well.

  39. OJ

    September 16, 2015 at 10:38 am

    Among all the comments from the career minded professional women here, is there anyone of you that wholly decided not to get married? i mean are ready to be single for life? if yes, then there’s no point arguing, you’ve chosen your path already….but if you really would like to settle down, then be ready for compromise because life doesnt always give you the choice to eat your cake and have it at the same time

  40. Peaches77

    September 16, 2015 at 10:47 am

    Charly Boy, I agree with you! This is currently the case in Nigeria and many other societies albeit in varying degrees. However it can be attributed to the fact that we are yet a traditional/conservative people as it is given our history and level of ‘civilization’ (insert a more appropriate word, if you like).
    The world has become a global village and more integrated; cultures, ways of living within Nigeria are changing due to strong influence from other more developed nations, education, exposure through tourism and intermarriage etc. Our traditional ways are changing, consequently more women are taking up jobs other than petty trading and the likes. Attaining the highest levels of education, building a career are strong desires and important factors for women in addition to other needs of companionship.
    After some time, maybe in the next 20 years, “Single women and respect” wont be ‘a thing’ worth mentioning /debating. Perhaps the dynamics of marriage and all attributed to it would have changed.But in this time, I think that people should be bold about their choices and appreciate that there are certain consequences at this time. Women can actually strive to have it all including a good home and a good career if those are the major important factors in their life. Good marriage and a successful career aren’t mutually exclusive. However, the key would be to find a spouse you can partner up with…and that doesn’t solely rest on the man. Women as well as men are imperfect beings so should try to better themselves for their spouses, children, organisations, communities, country and world at large.

  41. Tosin

    September 16, 2015 at 11:43 am

    it’s all in the mind.

    free yourself to be yourself – U2

  42. Ernie

    September 16, 2015 at 11:51 am

    He is so right. Marriage is a yardstick to measure success in Nigeria. No matter what you achieve people look down on you simply because you are single….. it is a terrible feeling. I wish society would stop the pressure. The pressure is real, very real

  43. RaniShah

    September 16, 2015 at 2:55 pm

    BN commentators una fit comment sha!!!!!

  44. BC

    September 16, 2015 at 9:55 pm

    Those saying that the pressure only comes from other women have never heard of uncles.

  45. Dee

    September 17, 2015 at 9:51 am

    I just want to say biko building a good career is great and wonderful, but at the end of the day- relationships with human beings is a big MATTER in the end. Even as a student trainee, it breaks my heart when I see people alone at the end of life- Biko, in facing that career, even if you sacrifice making a new family, don’t sacrifice free/ready-made family (brothers, sisters, cousins, nephews, nieces)- we all need someone at the end of the day, and perhaps it is this fear that pushes people (in different societies, NOT JUST NIGERIA) to place so much value and emphasis on getting married and having children (at the risk of greatly devaluing other important aspects of life).
    Again, whatever you do, even if you decide not to marry, invest in relationships so you are not alone with the cats when you eventually retire from the cats at 70years old. Well, make a difference too.

    • Alem

      September 17, 2015 at 11:07 pm

      Very well said Dee. It’s the relationships with the people around you that matter because your career won’t be there forever that is when the people around you would matter most not necessarily a husband/wife and children but like you said brothers sisters cousins nephews and niece.

  46. Observe

    September 17, 2015 at 7:27 pm

    The internet has given unknown faces to express their imagination which sometimes are detached from reality thereby creating a perfecting setting that stir strife.

    Are you hating on the society? Keep your school of thought to yourself and stop being pained.

    Are you planing to go up the career ladder with a person to share your life with? enjoy as well.

    MOST OF YOU ARE KIDS COMMENTING ON HERE. I HAVE WORKED IN SEVERAL ORGANIZATIONS THAT MY FEMALE BOSSES WHO WERE TOTALLY, I REPEAT TOTALLY SUCCESSFUL GET TO A POINT WHERE THEY CRAVE TO MARRY WITHOUT SOCIETAL PRESSURES. THIS IS PERSONAL NEED AS A RESULT OF GOD’S PURPOSE FOR CREATION.

    YOU ARE NOT EVEN ANYWHERE YET IN THE CAREER LADDER AND YOU RE SAD AT THE SOCIETY.

    CHILL, SOCIETY WON’T HAVE EFFECT WHEN IT’S TIME, YOU WILL PERSONALLY ‘WANT’ TO MARRY.

    EVEN TYRA BANKS NEEDS A BABY NOW. ‘SOCIETY DIDN’T INFLUENCE THAT.

    UNA NEVER START

  47. Observe

    September 17, 2015 at 7:31 pm

    Sorry for my typos. Please.

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