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Reuben Abati: Sugabelly, rape and Audu’s sons

BellaNaija.com

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SugabellyYou probably don’t know Sugabelly. I don’t know her either. But it is the twitter handle of a Nigerian lady: @sugabelly, who in the wake of the death of former Governor Abubakar Audu of Kogi State felt the urge to go public with her story. My foregrounding her/story as opposed to his/story, is further affirmation of an earlier submission that Audu’s death is “inconclusive” (The Guardian, Nov 27).

As the rest of Nigeria mourned the death of Abubakar Audu and pondered the implications of an inconclusive electoral process, Sugabelly showed up on social media and started celebrating his death. Her message was that the death of the man was good riddance to bad rubbish. “I feel so amazing”, she wrote. “Like God actually answered my prayers… That’s usually how it is. Powerful people rarely remember the people whose lives they destroy.” She alleged that Audu’s sons once gang-raped her- seven of them, when she was an impressionable 17-year old and that Governor Audu used his position as a big man to rubbish her, slammed her with a $2 million libel suit, denied her from getting justice, with his lawyers insisting that “14 years” is the age of consent under the Penal Code in the FCT, and so there is no case. For eight years, her life, she says, has been a nightmare including contemplations of suicide and spells of manic depression. Her frustration is well articulated in her twitter handle and an extended commentary titled “Surviving Mustapha Audu and His Rape Brigade”.

I have heard people proclaim loudly that a traditional proverb says: “the witch cried last night and the child died in the morning” and they have been wondering whether there was some kind of extra-terrestial, meta-physical animus which led to Audu’s sudden death. Howbeit, Sugabelly’s allegation is that of rape. Her protestation made the rounds for a few days largely uncelebrated, but it caught fire last Friday. For days, rape was the subject of discussion on Nigerian twitter. Opinion was divided with some calling Sugabelly, “a whore” and a badly brought up child but soon, the weight tilted heavily in her favour as the reactions panned out to focus on the menace of rape and the devastating effect on persons, families, the victims and society.

One of the sons of Abubakar Audu was soon fingered as the leader of the rape brigade by both Sugabelly and her staunchest supporter, @Echecrates. What happened subsequently is better experienced. A lady tweeting as Zahra – @oakleafbycg – jumped into the fray to defend him – hers was quite a spirited fight that lasted for hours, defending the integrity of her husband. She probably was defending herself too. Her father-in-law was so close to being Governor and he lost it, only for some twitter activists, and a sugabelly (what a name!, by the way) to start suggesting that her husband has a rape case to answer. She is a good woman, isn’t she? I monitored the conversations, and it is difficult to conclude that anyone was successfully convicted for there were persons who raised questions about sugabelly’s identity, her motives and whether she is not just a spoiler, playing a sponsored political game.

The emergent consensus however focused on the menace of rape in our society. Some male commentators seeking to genderize the discussion also pointed out that they were once raped too, but the pervasive impression was that young girls are more often the victims. I noted that there was very little talk about marital rape, which is ordinarily a major issue in the West, but which will be considered absurd by Africans. There were some suggestions about rapists being put to death in line with the still untested Violence Against Persons Act, but as is the case with twitter, 140-word interventions do not necessarily a honest thinker nor an intellectual make. It creates an illusion though, the illusion that someone whose reasoning is below 140 words is a mega-man of knowledge and insights.

Nonetheless, the matter between sugabelly and the Audu sons deserves a little more probing. I am tempted to commend sugabelly for throwing up the subject, but the real problem with rape in our society lies in the inadequacy of both legal and social responses. Both the law and the society stigmatise rape, and wrong-foot the victim. The relevant sections of the law in Nigeria today more or less ridicule the victim, and usually, the victim is female. The biggest challenge for decades has been this manner in which the law humiliates the female victim: the procedure requires examination by a medical doctor and in open court, proving actual penetration up to the labia majora. That is a tough call for victims and families, and so, many cases end up unreported. Besides, the criminal justice system peopled by phallocentric officials is wont to dismiss any woman reporting rape: in Nigeria, it would be ridiculous indeed for a married woman or a girlfriend to report being raped by her husband or fiancée. From the policeman at the station to the presiding judge, if it gets to that stage, the case may die a natural death in the vortex of misogyny.

Culture is a major barrier: the search for virgins at the bridal chamber by African families is a long dead custom, but few families can stand the stigma of taking as wife, a woman who has been raped, and whose indignity has been broadcast. Female victims are therefore reluctant to seek legal redress, first because of social stigma, and that is why there are very few convictions despite the regular incidence of rape. Any woman that is labeled a rape victim stands the risk of not getting a husband: families of prospective suitors will latch on to that evidence as if it a mark of leprosy, and urge their sons to steer clear, creating for the woman’s family an undeserved dilemma. Despite the wave of modernity in our land, tradition remains resilient and marriage, going to a man’s house, is still, quite sadly, considered a woman’s ultimate achievement.

This is probably why, in due course, the accused also showed up in the conversation releasing e-mail exchanges between him and Sugabelly, and going as far as revealing her true identity and painting her as a “whore,” a liar and an opportunist. Parents, keep an eye on your sons and daughters! The family, the most important social unit, has a role to play. Both male and female children should be brought up to respect ethical values and the rights of other human beings to dignity. The inferiorization of the female gender often begins in the home, and there are too many cultural paradigms sustaining an objectionable model of parenting, which must change. Too many parents, too busy trying to make survival possible, have abdicated responsibility and it is society that is hurt as a result.

The solution also lies in legal reform: the laws on rape must become more progressive and enlightened. The statutes have been in urgent need of review for long; they must provide the necessary deterrence and not ridicule the victim; even the Violence Against Persons Act (2015) does not fully correct the mischief in the Criminal and Penal Codes.

There is also a trend now that must be addressed, namely the objectification of women for profit or other purposes. The most recent illustration I find is the battle being waged on twitter and instagram by @blossomnnodim, who has since changed to @blossomozurumba (good luck to the man who is responsible for this blossoming), as she takes on a TBWA power charger advert, which instead of promoting the subject focuses on a woman’s biological gifts. Blossom objects to this but she has since been accused of witch-hunting and idleness. Her critics miss the point. The objectification of women in popular culture erodes the dignity of women. But the worse of it all, is that women themselves promote this negative effect. Nigeria has been lucky in locking into global trends on all fronts, but in a global village, we have not been successful in retaining local standards as a bulwark against negative, imperial cultural influences.

Social media, for example, is dominated by images of sexual libertinism; even our young ladies who are now role models on the basis of concrete accomplishments help to foster this image. I am making this point delicately; my concern is that we have too many Nigerian female role models who are busy trying to be like Amber Rose, Nicki Minaj, Rihanna, Kim Kardashian, Kylie Jenner, Rita Ora, Miles Cyrus, Blac Chyna – if you know what I mean, all those foreign cultural icons whose lifestyles commodify women. Our own equivalents are all over social media: pretty girls who are perpetually showing cleavages, wearing body tights that accentuate curves, some even boast that they won’t wear bras and pants and that illicit sex is cool: that is how this self-denigration has grown all the way down, creating a sexual tension even among the uneducated wannabes. I am not victimizing the victim, knowing fully well that there is that human rights border of freedom of choice and expression; still, new cultural realities should command certain limits.

Sugabelly may not get the sugar of contentment that she seeks, but let her be consoled that she has ignited a debate that may shed more light on the dilemma of rape, and/or sex with a minor (Penal Code or not), and the sad manner in which our society continues to produce children and adults who behave badly. Let us also hope that sooner or later, the sleeping Abubakar Audu will be allowed to lie, by his sons and the girl they allegedly raped. It is not Audu that is on trial, it is his sons: sons of big men who go overboard with their life of privilege, and of course, Sugabelly- the overtly impressionable young girl- who are all still alive to be called to account, if not in regular court, but now, in the court of public opinion.

47 Comments

  1. flowers

    December 4, 2015 at 8:48 am

    interesting… he couldn’t have mirrored it more more than these and to say the government wants to gatekeep the voice of the voiceless stopping people from being heard.

  2. Mr Reuben Abati

    December 4, 2015 at 9:05 am

    Mr Reuben, got some words for you,

    1. You need to change your name. What kind of name is that? Don’t you know the meaning? If you don’t, read this:

    And it came to pass, when Israel dwelt in that land, that Reuben went and lay with Bilhah his father’s concubine. Reuben, thou art my firstborn, my might, and the beginning of my strength, the excellency of dignity, and the excellency of power: Unstable as water, thou shalt not excel; because thou wentest up to thy father’s bed; then defiledst thou it: he went up to my couch.

    2. It feels good that you can read instagram, twitter and all kinds of social media messages. I am happy you can read this my comment to you too. Power is nothing! Riches and wealth are for a little time. Even we as humans, our time is limited, we shall all pass away. Any opportunity one has in life to do good, do it to the best of your ability. You only have one chance to do so and may never be able to correct any first impression

    3. You were at the corridors of power. You knew all these, what did you do differently to affect the lives of the common man.
    Let me remind you, no sinner shall go unpunished. There is nothing we do without a consequence. There is no where your name will be mentioned and we won’t be remind of your era and all you did.

    4. Seems to me you are trying to redeem your image, hmm. You can try all you can but the deed has been done. There is no way a bad person can preach a good message that his past wouldn’t over shadow the message he is trying to preach.

    Goodluck to you

    • 'Deola

      December 4, 2015 at 12:41 pm

      There is a difference between the man (personality), and the mind (personality on the page) that creates. Two distinct personalities. It is like liking how eloquently Sugabelly writes and at the same time getting worried why she allowed herself to get into a mess. I can talk about Whitney Houston as a singer and Whitney as a wreck in her personal life.

      Please cut Abati some slack, he deserves a space if he has ideas to contribute and doing what he does best – plying his trade. It is the mind I will concentrate on not the person.

    • Passerby

      December 6, 2015 at 7:10 pm

      So true Deola. Why would an imperfect being condemn another imperfect being or define them completely by the evil they have done when God himself doesn’t ? If God only saw the bad in man we would all be destroyed by now.

      Please quit the self righteous quotes….you can’t even come up with an original name but you use the same one that you’re condemning. I don’t know why we have it a habit to be so pouncy and critical of people when we have our own. You can disagree and speak against something without being so acidic. Haba.

    • baby geh sipping tea

      December 4, 2015 at 1:45 pm

      Hello Sir? Madam, it appears to me that you may be a tad too sentimental. I hope you are aware that Mr Abati’s role in the previous government was that of SPECIAL ADVISER, he was NOT a constitutionally elected executive officer, or a legislator, nor a constitutionally appointed judge or minister with a mandate backed by the constitution…. Pray tell me how you wanted him to leave the visible mark you talk about. He was a mere adviser with no constitutional backing to guarantee that his advice would be taken and acted upon by those who appointed him.

      You and I are not privy to what went on behind closed doors with his boss. As a matter of fact, we do not know if he had given progressive advice that was rejected, neither do we know if he had given retrogressive/selfish advice that did not move the country forward. Because we cannot confirm what transpired, the rational thing would be to refrain from throwing stones at agents when clearly the buck stops at the principal’s table. Will you blame the Personal Assistant of Sepp Blatter for the corruption scandal he now faces? If you will not then please cut Mr Abati some slack. Our approach to some issues shouldn’t always be black and white, life and its surrounding events aren’t that simple……

      Mr Abati, please if you read this, I urge you to write your memoirs since you were privy to many things that went on behind closed doors in the last administration. Please write something fair and honest, not something painfully delusional as “My Watch” or self-serving and downright irritating as “The Accidental Public Servant”

      PS- finally, to pre-empt some expected responses, its important I state that I am not Mr Abati commenting anonymously neither do I know him personally or represent him in any capacity.

    • Tt

      December 7, 2015 at 1:06 pm

      Memoirs??? hehehehe what a freaking joke. Who wants to read the memoirs of Abati?
      “What was going on in the corridors of power” – how does knowing what was going on change today? The past is the past.

    • chi

      December 4, 2015 at 4:29 pm

      hi there,
      I don’t get your point, this is a very good read. The bible also preaches forgiveness, if a bad person does good and changes we are supposed to forget the past. Don’t take away from this very good article, its not about the writer, its about the issues discussed.
      Many thanks

    • The Truth

      December 5, 2015 at 7:07 pm

      so many nigerians has name they don’t even know the meaning! they just adapted white folks names to sound cool and even give the name to their children. it doesnt make any sense from any perspective to have a name thats not urs, but we africans always look forward to the westerners to do for us what we can do for ourselfs

    • Facts.

      December 6, 2015 at 2:13 am

      “Mr. Reuben Abati, if you think his name needs to be chnage, why did you adopt it as yours here?

      The name Reuben means: Behold, a son.

      There are very many Reubens in the Bible so the curse you quoted is not so associated with the name..

      It is not like the case of a name like Tamar, that is mentioned only 3 times and each one has something unfortunate about it. The first one married and her husband died, according to tradition, his brother married her, and he also died, when her father-in-law delayed in giving her his last son to marry, she disguised herself as a prostitute and enticed him to have sex with her, and when he wanted to have her killed for being pregnant by prostitution, she brought out his signet ring, staff/walking stick which she had told him to give her as a pledge (in lieu of money) to have sex with her, and revealed that the owner of those emblems of authority was the father of her unborn child; they could no longer kill her and she bore twin sons for her father-in-law, Judah.
      The second one, a daughter of king David, was lusted after, to the point of his being almost sick, by her half-brother, who eventually raped her and immediately after the act, felt deep hatred for her and spurned her. He was murdered by her full brother, Absalom, who the later named his own daughter, after her i.e. after a woman whose royalty brought her no blessing, a woman was raped, then rejected and who subsequently never married, a woman who lived, hidden away, inconsolable, in shame and deep sadness all the rest of her life.
      The name Tamar means: Palm tree.

      So, if you have something to criticise about Mr. Reuben Abati, leave his name out of it.

      God changes names, according to His purpose but He also chooses not to, according to His purpose. e.g. Mary’s name is thought to mean either: sea of bitterness, rebelliousness, or the beautiful one or the perfect one. God did not find it necessary to change her name to something with a clear and inarguably positive meaning. Jabez cried out to God to bless him indeed, to enlarge his territory and remove pain from him, etc, and God answered his prayer, and he ended up having a name, renown and reputation of honor, more honourable than all his but God did all that without changing his name, the name his mother gave him, Jabez, meaning pain, which she gave him because, she said, “I bore him with sorrow.”

      God did change Abram’s name to Abraham and Jacob’s name to Israel, and Simon’s name to Peter, for example but it is not a compulsory thing all the time.

    • Facts.

      December 8, 2015 at 8:10 am

      @Mr. Reuben Abati, Furthermore, Levi was also cursed by their father Jacob during the same deathbed session when he cursed Reuben but GOD did not let that stop HIM when, after bringing the children of Israel out of Egypt, HE chose the tribe of Levi (i.e. Levi’s descendants) as HIS priests forever out of all the tribes in Israel.

      Also, it was the same Reuben, whom his father cursed, who was responsible for the survival of that same father and all of his children and household to be alive up till the time that he cursed him, for it was Reuben, who was single-handedly used by GOD to save the life of Joseph, the one GOD had destined to be governor and ruler in a foreign land, the superpower of the world at that time, Egypt, and to save not only Jacob/Israel and all his descendants but also all of Egypt and the known world (who traveled to Egypt to buy food) from dying out of starvation during the world-wide famine of seven years duration. When all the other brothers, with the exception of Benjamin, Joseph’s full brother who was absent, plotted and decided to kill Joseph out of jealousy and envy, it was Reuben, who, to save Joseph’s life, persuaded them not to shed his blood, reminding them that Joseph was their brother, and that they should just put him in a pit (not telling them that he intended to go later and save Joseph from there). It was Reuben who almost went out of his mind with grief on discovering that in his absence, the other brothers had taken Joseph out of the pit, and though restrained by his admonition not to shed his blood/kill him, had instead sold Joseph into slavery (by which means, in the wisdom of GOD, Joseph got to Egypt and fulfilled his destiny).

      Reuben was responsible for saving and preserving the life of the father who cursed him. No matter what his sin, if he had not single-handedly saved Joseph’s life, Jacob/Israel his father, and all of them would have died of starvation, as they were on the way to doing when Jacob sent them to Egypt to buy food so they would not die from the famine, not knowing that it was his son Joseph who was alive and well there and solely responsible for Egypt being the only place to have food and enough, to feed other nations in those years of famine.

      When you think of and speak the name Reuben, remember, and think, and speak these truths and facts.

  3. Mr Reuben Abati

    December 4, 2015 at 9:07 am

    *reminded*

  4. sarah

    December 4, 2015 at 9:18 am

    Nice write up sir. when I read the story *I made sure I read ALL parts of the story,both Mr Audu and Miss Sugarberry and my conclusion is this.
    1) Men please stay with your wives: If her father was around she would not be able to keep that late night,she was given so much liberty. Then all the stories I read made me realise one thing she has big *DADDY ISSUES* She was always waiting for a man to validate her,to make her feel beautiful. This is not her fault,it is a typical behaviour among children from broken homes.
    2) Single mothers pls and pls,you do not need to be lenient with your kids so that they will like you more than their absentee fathers. Even My friend’s mom is guilty of this,her boyfriend sleeps over in her mother’s house. please be reasonable STRICT with your kids
    3) Even If Mr Audu did not rape her,he damaged something in that young lady,I was on her blog for over an hour and I just wanted to cut myself and commit suicide.
    4) I think she needs to work on herself,I don’t believe in this American system of blaming everybody but the victim,therefore we have people that grew up with nobody and turned out great. she had/has a level of ‘looseness’ in her.
    5) Mr Audu’s wife,My advice to you is to please keep kwayet, ask too short wife,when she was defending her horse band when beverly said he was a wife beater now she is in the same mess (head over to stella to read that news). please stop saying what you dont know.
    sorry for the long story

    • Listen

      December 4, 2015 at 12:02 pm

      Thank you very much for your wise words, Mustapha was a monster but Sugarbelly is not without blame as well, she claimed she kept going back to him because he wanted to blackmail her with naked pics and vids but she still stated that she constantly exchanged nude pics with him for the duration of the relationship. She came to Bella naija to comment that her mother never had a bf who raped and that Mustapha was the first yet she refused to explain why the mails clearly from her stated that she had been raped before and that was why she panicked at the sight of a bed.
      17 may be young but not stupid, people have been led into battle by people that age and younger and won , we are defined by choices and we cannot lay all blame at the another’s door step because the effect of our choices backfired.
      Audi and co will get what’s coming to them but you will not heal until you learn to be responsible for your choices and reorder your steps.
      Good luck.

    • Stuz

      December 4, 2015 at 1:20 pm

      My dear o that 2shotz matter is story for another day. Beverly must be laughing her head off right now. The truth has indeed prevailed.

    • chi

      December 4, 2015 at 5:05 pm

      I just hate the stupid emphasis on “she was raised by a single mother”- really what has that got to do with anything ? sheer IGNORANCE, yes i was raised by a single mother. – pun intended! no but i was.

      She stayed out late, if her father was there he would have being stricter – sigh, this statement ells me as Nigerians we still have far to go, i want to call you a MORON, a FOOL, i also want this comment to be posted so i shalln’t . people that are raised by both parents and by parents who were strict , and were not allowed to stay out till midnight , have been raped, have turned out to be rapists , they went home early to both parents by the way!

  5. jingo

    December 4, 2015 at 9:31 am

    awon yesterday’s men

  6. Anonymous

    December 4, 2015 at 9:40 am

    I usually don’t comment on blogs but this is one of the most sensible article I’ve read in a while… Boy and girls should be brought up in the same manner!

  7. st cathy

    December 4, 2015 at 9:51 am

    A voice no longer tainted with politics, a voice of wisdom and objectivity.

  8. hmmmmm

    December 4, 2015 at 9:57 am

    Hmmmmm, so OGA what are you saying???? Eeeehhhnn what is the conclusions….

  9. hmmmmm

    December 4, 2015 at 9:59 am

    *conclusion

  10. nikky

    December 4, 2015 at 10:05 am

    Very eloquent, but my question is beyond sparking a discussion on the issue of rape what real change can we achieve. It’s like gun violence in America they talk about mental health issues, gun lobby, violent movies and video games at the end nothing happens. Unlike the United States there is no big money backing rape in Nigeria. But there is and there will always be that phenomenon of wealthy people getting away with breaking the law.
    I believe that until we become a society where everyone is truly equal before the law, we will continue to have people get away with all sorts.
    Anyone that has suggestions or ideas on how to deal with this issue should feel free to not only comment and waka, but plz contribute.
    My own suggestion is that ur police need to have mandatory class every six months on how to handle a rape cases. Stop turning married women away plz.

  11. Puzzles

    December 4, 2015 at 10:44 am

    One day, Justice will prevail! The evil that men do will live with them.

    • chi

      December 4, 2015 at 5:13 pm

      i have heard this since i was a child, i don’t see significant changes in the law!

  12. Nefertiti

    December 4, 2015 at 10:46 am

    When Abati writes like this, I’m reminded of his Guardian days and how I always looked forward to his writings on fridays and sundays. How could someone who writes with such insight and wit have messed just because he was employed by the govt in power? One can’t really know the true nature of man. Prosperity/adversity can bring out the best or worst in us

  13. Sass

    December 4, 2015 at 10:50 am

    Brilliant write up Mr Abati. I hope the rape laws in Nigeria are revisited.

  14. Ama

    December 4, 2015 at 11:23 am

    Oga Abati is once again a social commentator!

  15. onyinye

    December 4, 2015 at 11:59 am

    Thank you @Sarah, the girl did have some looseness in her, she is as responsible as Mustapha for the situation she found herself in. She put herself in that position, Why did she keep going back? and talking about being 17, abegiiiiiiii, at 17 she should have had her head in the books. Look, the first instinct of every human should be self-preservation, Love yourself, a guy harasses me once and i keep going back, I am askingfor trouble. Even if he gets punished, you are still the one who suffers the trauma and whatever physical injuries that may ensue, So young women should learn to protect themselves, its not a case of paedophilia, where some little girl is lured without being the wiser of what is going on. There are creeps all over the place, you are responsible for your own life, at 17, if a man touches you inappropriately you should know and feel some discomfort. Not coming here to cry wolf after 9 years. In this case both parties should be blamed.

    • chi

      December 4, 2015 at 5:17 pm

      the things y’all come up with… out of everything said this is what you guys take from the issue. I pray you don’t have to go through what she went through , and you raise your children as well as you speak.

    • Ndebe

      December 4, 2015 at 6:41 pm

      I’m sorry Onyinye but you are to put it mildly, a very ignorant buffoon. So is it okay for a thief to rob you because you choose to drive with your windows rolled down or slept with your doors unlocked? Is it okay for a woman to be raped at all? Even if she was “loose” as you claim she was? If a woman chooses to become a commercial sex worker to earn a living, is it okay for a man to rape her just because she is a prostitute? At 17, if she is not old enough to vote or to get married or to sign a legally binding contract then why is she suddenly old enough to be responsible for her life? And so what if she had a boyfriend and chose to have consensual sex and stay out late, why should she get raped? What about men who rape mad women roaming the streets? Are mad women “loose” too? How about men who rape ladies who are veiled? Are they secretly loose behind their veil? Sugabelly has been blogging since 2007 about this matter. Sit down in your albeit high and mighty seat and judge but pray to God that you don’t get raped, cos only then will you be able to gain a clear perspective.

    • The Kinkster

      December 6, 2015 at 5:18 am

      Thanks for this Ndebe! I’ve read some horrifying comments here. Which one is “loose” again when we talk about rape? When will the self control and responsibility of the alleged perpetrator ever be brought into question?

      The “blame the victim” syndrome still waxing strong in the world. very sad when it comes from some women. Very sad indeed!

  16. Ruby

    December 4, 2015 at 12:00 pm

    Seems like there is something in that Aso Rock that intoxicate absolutely. Since Mr Reuben left there (unlike when he was there), his articles has been on point.
    Well written Mr Reuben. I will say keep it up.

  17. Liz

    December 4, 2015 at 12:35 pm

    Rape is the result of a mindset and behavior.

    How do we challenge and deal with the mindsets?

    How do we challenge the way both women and men are raised to view sex and Love by parents ?

    Were encouraging young girls to be feminist ( aunty chimanmanda)

    What are we encouraging the boys to do?

    No one is born a rapist.Many of these things are leanings

    Yes, many of us were not taught what sex is and we turned out fine (for now) However that notion does not go for everyone.

    Do we provide parenting classes? Do we provide counselling classes? Pre marriage classes?

    What if their was a governmental rule. Where every couple seeking to get married. Must complete a two week pre marriage counselling. Do you know how may future families we would protect.

    Same goes for parenting.

    Let us deal with the root not just results. This is so much bigger than we think.

  18. Feelitx

    December 4, 2015 at 12:40 pm

    It baffles me how some people judge Reuben Abati for his role in the Goodluck Jonathan Government but few hold the lights to Segun Adeniyi’s face for all his bare-faced lies during the Yar’dua led Government.

    • Meah

      December 4, 2015 at 2:04 pm

      @Feelitx: They are both cut from the same material as far as i’m concerned. The only difference is, while Adeniyi seems to have embraced anonymity after the self-damage he did to his own reputation during the yar a’dua era (hence the minimal to no bashing), Uncle Reuben here wants to weasel his way back into our consciousness by trying to re-live his glory days. Sadly, those days are long gone; because while his articles may still be as thought provoking as ever, we are no longer fooled as to who he truly, really is when the chips are down or if you like, stakes are high.

  19. Blueberry

    December 4, 2015 at 1:17 pm

    Great article and these are the take home messages:

    1. “new cultural realities should command certain limits.”

    2. “the laws on rape must become more progressive and enlightened.”

    3. “The family, the most important social unit, has a role to play. The inferiorization of the female gender often begins in the home,”

    4. “Parents, keep an eye on your sons and daughters! Both male and female children should be brought up to respect ethical values and the rights of other human beings to dignity..”

    Your article said it all.

  20. AdaAda

    December 4, 2015 at 2:11 pm

    The very same Reuben Abati that would collect $$$ to book you an appointment to see his Oga at the time. Chai! no good person for this life.

    • Meah

      December 4, 2015 at 3:57 pm

      Can you confirm?
      Where you there?
      Did you ever work with him?
      Please make your parents proud once more

  21. Que

    December 4, 2015 at 4:34 pm

    You gotta love when real writers write!!! …We will debate his political career another day, but for today….I am celebrating this piece of education!!!

    Now my hope is that sensible law makers will pick up on the related issues, investigate them and start doing the needful in terms of punishing these crimes!

  22. Angel

    December 4, 2015 at 8:27 pm

    I see the “blame the rape victim” thing is still going strong, and some of the comments are from women. And then watch the next relationship article and the same women flood the comment section with the usual men bashing, saying men are animals and all sorts…. I always laugh, my mother will say, a bad workman quarrels with his tool. Now Ladies please understand this! Until we learn to have each other’s back, these man problem that we all seem to be crying about will not stop, unless something happens and by something I mean a changed mindset. I mean for goodness sakes, we have all (ok maybe not all, but most of) the power. Who raises kids, why is it that most male kids are close to their mother even into adulthood, sometimes more than the female child? You see, God gave us certain powers, it’s just that we don’t even know it, ok we cannot deny the role men play as @sarah commented, implying that sugarbelly had “daddy issues” which I agree with, I believe every female child deserves a loving father figure who defines and gives her a model of how every other man should treat her, still women play the main role in child upbringing. Ok what about infidelity issue plaguing relationships/ marriages, again I ask, who are these men cheating with? Chairs? Except gays, men cheat with WOMEN. We ladies need to come together, support each other and have our sisters’ back, because these things can happen to anybody, don’t think you are any better or special – the mistake most ladies make in relationship, “I’m different, I’m smart therefore he won’t treat me same as his ex.” Big lie! After reading sugarbelly story, even if my husband has a side chick (not that he has, atleast I don’t know of any, I pray he doesn’t) I wouldn’t wish sugabelly’s ordeal on her, because at the end of the day, she’s a woman like myself, albeit I will treat her f…k up my own way, but still I can’t imagine anybody going through what that lady went through, nobody I repeat nobody deserves that, not even a very bad prostitute. I’m sorry for the long rant and any grammatical or typo error, it’s how I feel right now, I just can’t with this whole ish…..

  23. ogeAdiro

    December 4, 2015 at 10:54 pm

    The man can speak English sha. But I’ve always struggled with the point he was making about objectification. Somehow I feel that selling sexiness (a la Rihanna and Nicki) is fine. Why can’t we have Nicki and Chimamanda? That Nicki likes to bare her body does not make her less intelligent than Chimamanda.
    Arnold Schwarzenegger sold his sexiness for profit, conquered hollywood, married a Kennedy, and became Governor of the world’s 8th largest economy. I think the problem lies in how society views women who play up their sexy side. Because there’s nothing that says a person can’t be more than their sexy body. But people who play up their ‘sexy’ shouldn’t be offended if sexy is the first thing people associate them with.
    I probably wouldn’t want my relative to marry someone who was raped. Man in the mirror moment.

  24. Ini

    December 4, 2015 at 10:57 pm

    What does sexual liberation have to do with rape? That shows another problem with many Nigerian mindsets: that by not wearing bras and showing cleavge, there is a link to rape. Women have the right to dress however they want and men will rape whether a woman is naked or wearing hijab. In the olden days many of our tribes were naked (and even some ethinic groups around Africa today) and how did that hinder them? So why is it that now simply not wearing a bra is a problem?

    • Rouge

      December 5, 2015 at 11:21 am

      Men and Women both have the right to dress however they want, frankly every human being has can live their life however they please the consequences however of how we live our lives are what we need to be able to deal with in the long-run. Rape is unacceptable, I do not believe a woman should be raped even if she decides to roam the streets naked, nevertheless, I can not ignore the fact that this girl kept going back coupled with all the activities in between and then lay all the blame on the perpetrator. The perpetrator is responsible for the act of Rape but the victim in this case has to take responsibility for allowing the situation reach such levels. One cannot give signs and indulge in acts then cry fowl 9 years later shielding themselves with naivety. In the end, I believe if the perpetrators are truly guilty, then they will get what is coming to them eventually and the victim needs to take some responsibility of the entire ordeal before she can move past this situation and find solace..

  25. Rommel

    December 5, 2015 at 1:17 pm

    I think more young boys get abused sexually by grown women that there will be actual sexual abuse which is between some randy grown up and a little girl,I was introduced into the life of sex by a lady who was close to our family when I did not even know the functions of sex organs,I thought it was normal and I am sure it happened to many guys but that the lady was raped by the sons of a prominent man in Nigeria who got away free is not news,this has been the type of country Nigeria is,the Nigeria people worship and are willing to defend.Each of the political elites have bands of supporters,ethnic perhaps,religious or even class,this is what we have become,people who worship evil people while crying about evil.

  26. Kay

    December 5, 2015 at 8:01 pm

    you are free to live your houses open and all of that and robbers don’t have a right to come and take what’s yours but does that mean you don’t take security measures? you can’t live in our society expecting everyone to be saints and for nothing to go wrong… I have a problem with people who are against precautionary measures. No! you don’t deserve to be raped no matter what, but if you think d whole world is thinking of your ‘rights’ and thus you should not be careful… I find that amusing.

  27. Debs

    December 7, 2015 at 7:49 am

    Thank you Sir for this post. I have missed reading from you! Welcome back. (From the other side). I held back tears as I read this. It was pure torture reading her post on the rape. It’s always pure torture reading about rape, worse reading the cold accusatory comments towards the victim. I always see a bright ray of light when a man speaks on behalf of the victims, and reading your post was one of the brightest rays I have seen in a while. Kudos to bellanaija.com for posting this. God bless you abundantly Sir for writing this. #Hope

  28. Tt

    December 7, 2015 at 1:10 pm

    Chop I chop
    Mr Reuben has finished chopping and now wants to resume writing. You must think Nigerians are fools kwa?

  29. anon

    January 6, 2019 at 1:23 pm

    Mustapha sued Sugabelly and LOST!!!!

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