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Aunty Bella: Miss. Frying Pan to Fire



Aunty Bella 2As you know, Aunty Bella is one of the longest running features on BN. BellaNaijarians share their issues and dilemmas for other BNers to help with advice.
Miss. Frying Pan to Fire, we love you and we are sorry for the funny name we have you but girl, you should know why!
Anyway, BellaNaijarians, over to you.

Dear Aunty Bella,

I am in a confused state. I recently just got out of a very toxic relationship and I must say I am happy it is over.

Just a little break down;
1. I was dating this dude in my school around 2013/2014 it started well! I was very happy, thinking I had found the man of my dreams and all that, then this one dude from LA kept disturbing me, he is more like my family friend, but it was too late because I had a boyfriend. So I just curved him, later on, when I started having problems in my relationship, I decided to talk to him more because he was always there but we never had any sexual relationship because I would never cheat on my boyfriend. He tried to date me, he did everything and at some point I started developing feeling for him because my boyfriend had another girl in Naija and he wouldn’t break up with her…

I must say, I was really weak and I didn’t know what to do.. but one thing I didn’t want was to cheat on boyfriend because he is doing the same.. so I decided to block and delete the guy’s number and we stopped talking.

He stayed around for 2 years before giving up on me. Fast forward to this year, the girl in Nigeria found out we were still together and she gave my boyfriend an ultimatum.. “if you don’t leave her I’m leaving you for good”… and my boyfriend came to my apartment and broke up with me.. Shocker of life!

I was in a devastated state. I wanted the semester to end! Already, I felt like dying .. this was someone I have spent over 2 years of my life with..very painful something, as a sharp girl, I decided to unblock the dude from LA and we started talking and the next thing he said was that, he has a girl already… that his last visit to Nigeria, he found a girl! I was angry but at the same time, I was genuinely happy because the guy is due for marriage…

One thing I regret is not walking away when I had the chance to as I curved all the potential good looking guys that came my way. This dude in question wanted to marry me, that’s every girls dream but I said NO all in the name of faithfulness, that has that led me to nothing!

Fast forward to a week ago, the dude and I were having a conversation and he said he wants me.. ha Jesu! this same dude is planning to propose to this new girl in August o and he wants me.

He is a really cool guy and I like him but I don’t know if I want to be a side chick. One thing about him is that he is really honest and blunt and I love that, but I don’t want to ruin this new girl’s happiness or put him in the middle or fall in love with him in the process of this brouhaha but the same time, I need someone to care for me. I’m not lacking love because I love my self very much but at the same time… there is nothing like having a guy just being there for you, and this new girl it’s not like he really likes her. He just wanted to get married because of the pressure he his having from his parents.

…but really should I let him be my “sugar daddy”? He promises to spoil me and take very good care of me and I won’t ever feel like a side piece. The good thing about this is that there won’t be any sort of commitment, if I see someone that I want to date, I can always end whatever we have and we both can move on, but at the same time the Jesus girl in me is saying it is very wrong! but the baddo side in me is saying aye se iru e…the scary thing is I have never had sex with anyone apart from my ex… so I dont know how to handle a situation like this because I’m not that much of a baddo..

2. I hate my (ex)boyfriend for wasting my time! Some guys are really selfish, they know they don’t want you but they would go ahead and waste your time… I have no words for him. I hope that when he is serious and ready for commitment other girls will waste his time too.

Photo Credit: Nsoedo Frank | for illustrative purposes only


  1. xoxox

    March 24, 2016 at 9:58 am

    you hate your EX for wasting your time ? U made the choice to be with him even when you knew he has a Gf in Nigeria, And here you are again wanting to be another side chick to a “Sugar Daddy”? Smh Some girls really don’t know their worth.
    Here is what i have to tell you, U are beautiful , U deserve the best, being a side chick will hurt you the more, Unless you are telling me that in the city or school u are in, there are no other serious guys out there, which i really doubt.

    • Yeyeperry

      March 24, 2016 at 11:29 am

      Miss frying pan,
      1. There is nothing like being spoiled by the right person. Why not wait for your own man?
      2. Ladies are more emotionally attached than men in relationships. Are you sure that 2 weeks into your “no commitment” agreement you won’t start falling in love?
      3. BN has even given you a summarized advise with the caption “Miss frying pan to fire”. You see that curse you cursed your ex ehn… @ the end of the day you will still curse this new one 2x of it. Why? because the pain and hurt will be double!

    • jhennique

      March 26, 2016 at 11:23 am

      You will give in to this guy. You will have sex with him. He will make you feel loved. You will have sex with him a few more times and then some more. He will make you feel like he loves you and then he will give you stories. “I have to stay away cos I love you too much and I have a girl already” . “I need to focus on my relationship”. ” you knew there was no future in this thing”. He will such you like juice and discard you carefully like a really sweet orange you don’t want to finish. You will be heartbroken and in a few months you will be staring at his wedding pictures on Facebook and cursing their union under your breath while wishing him well at the same time cos you will be so confused. Your mind will be messed up. BN has kuku described your situation for you.

      You’ve wasted time with dude A. So what? Are you the first? I will even partially blame you for the waste of time sef but the deed is done. I just expect you to be wiser now. Tell that guy you won’t be the reason another girl goes thru what you went thru. Tell him to leave her if he really loves you. Shock him by refusing a really tempting offer. Those feelings u have for uhim will def gradually die and if he chooses to go on with the other girl you can dust your palms and move on. Never let a morally bankrupt person make life choices for you. Wait for a man who knows what he wants in life cos a lot of men think with their penises. Godless behaviour. My dear please don’t let this epistle I wrote here be in vain!

    • huhu

      March 31, 2016 at 10:26 am

      I’m not even sure this one knows her worth. smdh

  2. Please BN, just please

    March 24, 2016 at 10:03 am

    Bella Naijaaaa *in my yoruba accent*just stop eet!

    As you know, Aunty Bella is one of the longest running features on BN. BellaNaijarians share their issues and dilemmas for other BNers to help with advice.

    Are you sure you’re not turning this into a joke column? I used to read this and try and give sensible advice to sensible people with real life issues, but please, what’s just this one na?

    You just want people to criticize her don’t you? NOT!COOL!

    Just stop eeettt


      March 24, 2016 at 10:05 am

      @Please BN, not everyone is as wise as you. For her to ask, means she needs help. Let’s try not to judge and be supportive.

    • Onyeka

      March 24, 2016 at 11:32 am

      BN you should not have dignified this with a response. As silly as the comment is, you have just dragged BN to that level by responding. Sometimes take the high road… in fact most times take the high road… it’s high for a reason

  3. Apples

    March 24, 2016 at 10:03 am

    Like seriously????? What’s this????

    You knew about your ex having another girl in Nigeria but you stayed with him, hoping he would leave her for you???? And now you seems to wanna be with another guy who also has a girl already?????

    Girl you need deliverance!!!! Hian!!!

    • Aunty Bella

      March 24, 2016 at 2:19 pm

      I didn’t know until a year and a half into the relationship… I snooped my way to found out! It wasn’t like he told me that I had a girl

  4. floxyxeni

    March 24, 2016 at 10:05 am

    babe u had better listen to the church girl in you ooo!! its not a bad thing to lik or feel sumfyn for sum1 but wen dat “sum1″ is taken”” u had better run 4-40 oooo. wat u wont want someone to do to u dont do it to another. shikena.
    i have been in dis same situation too, the best thing i wud advice u to do nw is block him lik u did wen u were still dating someone before.
    its easier said dan done but u just ave to make up ur mind and decide to avoid him once and for all.
    They say önce beaten, twice shy”.
    Please be careful dis tym around . it isnt ur concern anymore if he doesnt love the girl, she deserves to be happy nd u also deserve to ave ur rest of mind.

  5. Nnenna

    March 24, 2016 at 10:18 am

    What did I just read biko? Edakun sister… You would be wasting your time AGAIN!. He’ll sleep with you, get your attention and affection for a while then leave you and propose to the naija babe. Give yourself time nne. Block him, heal. You are really lowering your standards and you deserve the best. You don’t deserve to be a side chick, you’ve been that and you know how it feels. See.. heal first. You haven’t healed or moved on . You will ruin another girl’s happiness to fill the void in your heart. You don’t Ned a guy tobcare for you hun, you do that yourself, Learn to love yourself enough to stand firm and not be a plaything. He knows he’ll marry someone else but wants to get some of your honey. Nne… do NOT fall for that crap

  6. boboj

    March 24, 2016 at 10:19 am

    Sebi she is still in school…. She never knows which battle to face ahead.

  7. Speechless

    March 24, 2016 at 10:19 am

    I feel so sad for u. I mean, darling u need to know you deserve an exclusive right to someone and you will get it if you are willing to wait. There’s nothing wrong in bn single dear! And from your story, u r just scared of bn alone. I mean …ur first guy who made you a second choice with your consent left u and d first thing u tot about was to look for the guy u blocked???? Babe it’s okay to be single while you work on other things o. Love will find you- True love! Truth is, if the new guy loves you, he will leave his babe to be with you and marry you.

    No man will stay with want to marry another babe he doesnt like when the one he loves is available. Get out of ur weak heart nd be a strong girl.

    Do the right thing mehn! HOW DO U CONSCIOUSLY AND WILLINGLY want to be a side chic ehn? What is going on in your head? whew!

  8. Na wa

    March 24, 2016 at 10:29 am

    “This dude in question wanted to marry me, that’s every girls dream…”

    Babe, it is not about getting married – it is about getting married to the RIGHT guy. People shouldn’t just get married for the sake of being married, this is the rest of your life we are talking about here. Lay the right foundation.

    Secondly, I know it is not easy, but I believe most girls would be less heartbroken if a relationship was not sexual. Our bodies are precious and should be treated as such.

  9. @edDREAMZ

    March 24, 2016 at 10:40 am

    And yu are insulting ur ex when you knew frm the onset he gat a gal… We boys don suffer shah… I will advice you forget about this guy b4 yu break someone marriage bcos like they say karma is a bitch….

    • Aunty Bella

      March 24, 2016 at 2:22 pm

      No I didn’t! I really wish he didn’t…he lied to me about the whole thing! He said he fell in love with both of us and begged me to stay

  10. A-nony

    March 24, 2016 at 10:51 am

    This your potential sugar daddy is a joker. Don’t be his joke.

  11. Hotspice_yimu

    March 24, 2016 at 10:54 am

    please go ahead cos you need this side chic business as a tutorial for your main role as a 2nd or maybe 3rd wife. it is your destiny since you dont want to recieve sense.

    • Aunty Bella

      March 24, 2016 at 2:23 pm

      Aunty calm down!

    • Ama Ghana

      March 26, 2016 at 11:44 pm

      Pls, what would be the difference between your when you found out your ex had girl in Naija and the gf of this new guy when you become the side chic? Have you already forgotten how it feels? Please leave this man alone if he is serious about you he wil follow you and you alone
      You are worth more than the side chic.

  12. Whocares

    March 24, 2016 at 11:09 am

    Bn just likes to do erekere nowadays. Ahan. I started reading and my jaw dropped. You knew he had a gf yet you stayed with him for two years and he now dumped you after the naija girl gave ultimatum (excuse me whilst I laugh my guts out) ahan! Ahan! Ti oba wa loke oba ti e fun e ni common sense, lo ya die now (If the good Lord above did not give you sense, cant you go and borrow some -from orunmila I hear the dude is doing wonders nowadays) So you now want to sugar daddy with another man and think you, You that stayed in a terrible relationship for how many numbers of years will not catch feelings. Come, let me tell you the truth, you are not bad girl riri. You are Pollyanna. What you have described above is not someone who can withstand the whole sugar daddy scenario, neither is it someone who loves herself. You do not love yourself. Go back to the drawing board and start again on this self love business. As for not wanting to ruin another girl’s happiness. Ho please (I mean that in the jocular sense. I sometimes call friends hos so don’t vex). It is sweeting you this sense of power you think you have. If you did not want to ruin anyone’s happiness. You would not consider it. See me. I am not Mary Martha or Mary Magdalene that will tell you about the morality of your action. But you cannot walk on both side of the field. You cannot want to be a bad girl and still try to use good girl to cover face. Ko jo. To ba je iranu lofe se( if it’s iranu you want to do), do it. Dont come here and be giving us stories. As an aside, what is with people not knowing their own damned self nowadays? From the one that wanted advice on stealing to this one? Get your shit together and find yourself. You can do better for yourself and with yourself jare. Ah bn don’t come and give me high blood pressure today.

    • LEM

      March 24, 2016 at 12:38 pm

      The laughter this your comment made me do ehn no be here at all…….. Chai! I wish I had a friend like you.

    • Aunty Bella

      March 24, 2016 at 2:26 pm

      The first relationship, I didn’t know about the girl. I found out half way into the relationship! And he begged me to stay I thought the other girl wasn’t that serious as I was closer to all his friends… I didn’t know he had plans to be with her in future, and he keeps sending all the good guys away from me. Making me feel like there is hope for us

    • Niyoola

      March 24, 2016 at 4:12 pm

      I don’t think I have ever insulted anyone here, but you my dear are quite stupid.
      You keep responding that you found out halfway into the relationship that the guy was seeing someone else….. and he begged you to stay.
      That makes you sound very unintelligent. 
      Just accept that you ‘gawked’ it, don’t explain it…… makes you sound dull.

      There is nothing wrong with being single. It’s okay.
      Other guys will come.
      You, who was dealt. Bad hand WRT to your ex, wants to now get chieftancy on top ‎being a side chic.

      Sit and think; these guys want to have you on their own terms. That doesn’t bode well in anyway.

      And trust me, if you turn yourself to a runsgirl (abi, Shey he’s your sugar daddy)…….. you will catch plenty feelings, and you’ll be left outside alone again.

      *receive sense*‎

    • Olayemi

      March 24, 2016 at 9:03 pm

      When you found out half way, what did you do? I bet his Nigerian babe gave him that ultimatum immediately she found out about you. Your ex knows how not smart you are, the reason he begged you to stay while still with the other babe. I am sure he will come begging you once he is married with the sub story of you being the one he loves. Just the way this sugar daddy is saying he doesn’t like his new babe but will not breakup with her for you that he “loves”.

    • purpliciousbabe

      March 28, 2016 at 12:44 am

      You made my night.. I cracked so hard. Been a while.
      Thank you!

  13. MizzLinn

    March 24, 2016 at 11:23 am

    Lady, please move on. Do not subject yourself to becoming a refuse bin for randy guys to dump their useless seed. Stop managing the scraps on the floor when you can partake from the feast on the table. PS: I do not think you love yourself as you claim, what is loved is jealously guarded.

  14. Joy

    March 24, 2016 at 11:32 am

    erm!!!! madam… i have nothing but bad things to say to you so i wont say anything.. lemme read what others have to say… but just know one thing: you knew you were a side chic previously and u still stayed and are complaining about him stringing you along and yet you’re considering being another side chic and you say you love yourself????

    Keep on deceiving you. God will give u clarity inugo…

    • Aunty Bella

      March 24, 2016 at 2:27 pm

      No I didn’t! I should have made that clear from the beginning, that was why I was pissed he made me curve all this potential bae’s for years

  15. ehn ehn?

    March 24, 2016 at 11:38 am

    I learnt a long time ago to listen to women’s full story whenever they demonise men and this is why. If anyone heard you hated your ex for wasting your time without hearing the full story, they might begin to take sides. But not only did you date a guy as a side piece (yep you dont sound sophisticated enuf to earn the chic title) and then got burnt by it. You are considering going into the same scenario. Your new bobo has been friends with you for a while now and knows you allowed your ex to walk all over you. He wants a piece of that action. If you expect any different from him, you might be deluding yourself a little.

    • Md

      March 25, 2016 at 9:46 am

      Exactly, women always deceiving them selves since enternity

  16. Tosin

    March 24, 2016 at 11:38 am

    I confuse.
    From the little I read you are playing a game trying to get, acquire, have, use, a man, not sure what for. If I was your sister, I’d ask you to calm down, what are you chasing? What is your objective?
    Google zen suffering. Na you and your gragra dey suffer yoursef, nobody suffer you.
    But if you don’t want to dig deep, hey, stay with your same shallow friends and player mindset, one day you may be the champion. (You’re probably saying now: how was I a player, when I got played?)

  17. Ohsee

    March 24, 2016 at 11:40 am

    Some side chicks are happier than main chicks. Issit not better to be a side chick to a honest and caring man that caters to your needs than to be a main chick to a dishonest and abusive prick. Babe do whatever makes u happy. Polygamy would make all of us happier but women don’t want to share a man that has already shared himself. “Love is cursed by monogamy”.. The essence of love is sharing. How can a woman want a billionaire husband to herself alone. Abeg let the man help other babes as long a he doesn’t disrespect you..
    “Frying pan girl” ask yourself Is he honest? Is he caring? Are you happy? If the answer is YES, start licking the sugar of the sugar daddy!

    • african girl

      March 24, 2016 at 1:55 pm

      I will pray for you.

    • Aunty Bella

      March 24, 2016 at 2:30 pm

      The only reason I asked was because he is being honest with me about that’s all I care about, my ex lied about everything and it hurts. but I’m scared that I might lose the friendship we have!

    • Tosin

      March 25, 2016 at 10:36 am

      Deep breath. Just know that after everything, you will be alright.

  18. Blueberry

    March 24, 2016 at 11:45 am

    Girl you wasted your own time. The minute he told you he had a girl in Naija, that was your cue to dissapear.
    Now everyone makes mistakes. So dust yourself up and try again with the next. But the next should NOT be the LA guy. Because he too WILL waste your time. If he clearly says he is marrying his new gf, what are you still doing there listening to the rest of the BS?! Move on.

    You can survive a year without being in a relationship. Don´t depend so much on someone loving you soo much. LOVE THYSELF FIRST.

    Girl do what is right, and fix yourself some principles. Because THAT is what will make Mr. Right put a ring on it.

  19. DeeDee

    March 24, 2016 at 11:56 am

    Don’t let that “Big eye girl in you ” and confusion mess with your thinking .
    DON’t even go on about some guys being selfish, worry about you.!!! WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?. A GREAT RELATIONSHIP? OR TO RUN RING-A-RING A-ROSES WITH THESE GUYS?.
    Then i’ll tell you, no good decision gets you to a stage of confusion, every great decision comes with peace and a clear picture.
    Stop giving excuses or making 4 him and your self. All you need is a time out, be single for a while, 6months – a year and remove your self from the guy thats claiming to want you and yet about to be wedded because his parents are pressurizing him….
    if you try and listen to your long throat flesh , the guy will use you, chop clean mouth and you might even be invited for the wedding and you’ll end up watching him shakitibobo on his wedding day…

    Stay single, it’s not a life sentence neither is it lonely.. Clear your mind, work on your self first and know your self worth so you don’t end up being used and dumped again.

  20. Chu

    March 24, 2016 at 12:06 pm

    Girrrrl, you need some tough love and i will give it to you, no sugar coating it, sorry.
    You think you are only good enough as second place. You were going out with a guy that had a babe in naija and you were ok with it, probably hoping that one day he will leave her for you, but a girl far away won over you that the dude was seeing everyday, doesn’t that tell you something?
    You saw another guy that liked you, instead of you to leave the jerk and follow that one you blocked him. Now that you are free you want him back but he has a girl and offered you side chick and you are seriously contemplating it?
    Does it now sound to you as stupid as it is?
    You deserve more why belittle yourself? You are in school so what’s the rush for marriage? Marrying right is very important, being in an emotionally healthy relationship is very important, please do not trade it for anything. Learn to love yourself, the right guy will come around its just a matter of time. Do not fall for side chick syndrome, you will only get hurt in the end cos you will invest your emotions in it.
    I pray God gives you the grace to love yourself and do right for yourself.

  21. Mzphunby

    March 24, 2016 at 12:42 pm

    Aunty Bella ; Miss. Frying pan to Fire… That answers ur dilema!


    March 24, 2016 at 12:45 pm

    If that guy wants you as a side chick then it shows
    1. He has no integrity
    2. He will be a bad bf, husband and sugar daddy
    3. You will WASTE more Years!! (shey that is what you are angry about with the last guy)

    You sef, it is time you straighten your ways, avoid these yeye guys, focus on improving your life and being the best version of yourself. Your Own Will Come!

  23. Inadilenma

    March 24, 2016 at 12:58 pm

    “I’m not lacking love because I love my self very much but at the same time… there is nothing like having a guy just being there for you, and this new girl it’s not like he really likes her. He just wanted to get married because of the pressure he is having from his parents.”

    So, since he likes you, why doesn’t he marry you instead?

  24. Great Lady

    March 24, 2016 at 12:59 pm

    @Hotspice _yimu you’re very funny. LMAO. Dear poster you have no business being in a relationship, you have a terrible case of a low self esteem. Firstly you need to love yourself, how do you do that, get in touch with Jesu accept him into your life and he’ll teach you how to love right and be loved.
    Get something worthwhile doing, something you love, so you’ll feel better about yourself .
    Next change your circle of friends, bad company corrupts good manners.

  25. african girl

    March 24, 2016 at 1:51 pm

    You stayed in that relationship with your ex because you chose to. You knew he had another girl but you chose to stay because you are ‘the faithful girlfriend?!’ ROFLMAO! Absolute Comedy! Earth to Miss. Frying Pan to Fire!!!!!

    Now to your current dilemma; there is nothing like being a side chick without ‘commitments’. Total B.S! My dear, unless you are a prostitute, you will start to fall for that man, like it or not. The heart wants what it wants! Being a side chick is not worth it, trust me, i have been down that road before. I, too, told me myself i wouldn’t let myself get emotionally attached but slowly, without realization, i was staring at my phone, waiting for him to call. The struggle there is too real and totally not worth it! Find a man of your own! And don’t be desperate. I’m sure the LA guy smelled desperation on you a million miles away when you suddenly unblocked him and got all chatty, that is probably the reason why he feels he can string you along while he arranges a wedding with another girl. Know you worth!

    “Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as ‘deserving’ respect; you get what you demand from people.”

    ― Tucker Max

  26. i love my husband

    March 24, 2016 at 1:53 pm

    My dear, you don’t need a relationship now, you need to grow up and mature….marriage is not what you think you know, its far more deeper than this and all that I’ve read in your post. Hey girl, you are more than all this drama you have written, so you want to open your eyes and drag yourself in and out of messy situations like this. Firstly, I would say, stay single for now, get closer to God(im sure you know how, it is only God that can lead you right), read books on relationships and marriage, read books on self love and self respect, maybe you need to change your friends and move with people that will impact and advise you positively i really wish I could speak to you in person cos theres a lot I wish i could say,but I pray God will teach you himself.

  27. Ch

    March 24, 2016 at 2:02 pm

    Two things struck me in this article – “the Jesus girl in you…” and “love my self very much but at the same time…”. You are just a joke. You had better go for deliverance cos you obviously don’t love yourself and I wonder where Jesus is in you.

  28. Abbie

    March 24, 2016 at 2:30 pm

    If you don’t know where you are going, u should know where you are coming from.

  29. Aunty Bella

    March 24, 2016 at 2:41 pm

    So I read everyone’s comment on this post and automatically my brain is resetting as I’m typing this. Firstly I would like to clarify something, I didn’t willingly go into a relationship with my ex knowing he had a babe. If I had known to be honest I wouldn’t, at that time I was too hot everyone wanted me…but now every one thinks I’m in a relationship and it’s annoying! I’ve over curved everyone God dey . A year into the relationship was when I found out about it and it was one of the worst moment of my life because I felt like he took advantage of me.. But that one has passed sha! He begged and cried to stay and I fell for it… Until the other girl was always causing me trouble! Following me on every social media! And things got messy and we broke up! I’m glad we did because now I have peace of mind! I just wanted to be clear on that!

  30. Marian

    March 24, 2016 at 2:43 pm

    Umm.. how old are you? Do you have a good relationship with your dad and mom? Are they still together? Do you have an older sister? Are you an only child? I’m just trying to understand you a little.

    You need a mentor, like asap. You need to date yourself right now and discover you. I never saw the point in dating someone I can’t marry. What’s the point? Everyone is different and we all date for different reasons, just letting you know my own.

    It sounds like you are dating just to have someone shower you with gifts. You better work and shower yourself with love. Men and women are different. A guy can be in love with a lady and still have another chick on the side just for sex. Most ladies can’t do that. We catch feelings easily so I can assure you, the guy will ‘love’ you and discard once he’s ready to settle down with his main chick.

    Why are guys okay making you their side piece and not the main one? What if you get pregnant?

    Your ex could have dated you and the naija gurl without you finding out but he told you and somehow he knew you would be OK with it. That fact disturbs me. You don’t Love yourself and I feel like you are selling yourself very very cheap to the highest bidder.

    • Auntybella

      March 24, 2016 at 3:54 pm

      Only child … He didn’t tell me. I snooped my way around!

    • Marian

      March 24, 2016 at 7:55 pm

      I am worried you don’t have enough matured people (friends like sisters) around you. Sometimes all we need is to bounce things off someone to recieve sense.
      If your mom is still alive, you need to start talking to her more so you can be comfortable sharing things like this with her.

      An idea may sound good till you tell it to someone and have them present it back to you from a different angle. Something like what we all did here.

      I wish you all the best in this journey of love. if it feels off, it’s probably not right. You should never have to compromise your values, morals and ethics for love. You are worth waiting for and deserve the best.

      Sending you lots of love and e-hugs as you grow and heal. Read your bible more. It has everything about what real love is all about in it.

  31. Ada

    March 24, 2016 at 2:54 pm

    I tire o! So your guy told you he had a girl in Nigeria (whenever it was that he told you) and you still stayed back? For what? You need sense knocked into you.

    As a babe, if your guy so much as looks at another girl, you are within your rights to throw a tantrum. O bulu zia up to dating.
    where is your pride? You should have been the first one to walk that is after calling him names o.

    I tire for you. You settled for side chic when someone was dying to make you main chic. Dem curse you from village biko nu? When you found out you were side chic, you should have walked! Now you are asking if it’s alright to have a sugar daddy. You well so? What is the use of the daddy? Why can’t you find a good single guy and be his main chic? Don’t do anything that will come back to hunt you o! Do stuff that you can brag to your kids about while cautioning them.
    Have some pride and self worth. If someone propositions you, get angry, refuse, warn off the person. Set a standard for yourself! Ah ah? Children of nowadays sef. Don’t get what your Mum’s taught you people.

  32. nene

    March 24, 2016 at 3:17 pm

    some girls/women can be stupid. u see fire and u r entering, why are u asking for advice? smh

  33. Ejiro

    March 24, 2016 at 3:22 pm

    God knows when I first read the post, I hissed then I saw bellanaija comment. The first u need is and know is God love, he will help u with self love then u will ask for wisdom in everything u do, from your post u are not matured yet take a sit and enjoy school, enjoy life develop ur sef, u have to learn how r be alone and not feel it, and dat my dear it tru the help of God am not saying be all religious but relax and stay away from those two guys God will never give u another woman’s husband even if he honest or he speaks in tongues. Good luck

  34. Damseldami

    March 24, 2016 at 4:06 pm

    Madam must you be a side piece oga o. Second time now ABI are you not worth being the only girl? Forgive your ex and let go of the second one. O tan ni yen

  35. Niyoola

    March 24, 2016 at 4:24 pm

    Okay, we have heard. Your ex lied lied …… but when you found out about the other girl what did you do?

    Anyway, in a few month’s time, you will send Chronicles to SDK asking for what to do when you love a man that has a wife (you won’t write Aunty Bella again, because you know BNers will ‎tear you to shreds)

  36. Ifeyinwa Mic

    March 24, 2016 at 4:29 pm

    You’re worth more than being someone’s side chick. Pray to God for your own man and be patient. Get some hobbies. Focus on maturing as a woman. Sleeping with someone else’s man will eventually eat away at you no matter how many things the guy showers on you.

  37. Tee

    March 24, 2016 at 4:50 pm

    Na wa o… Gurlll I hope your condition is not permanent!
    So sad to see the kinds of predicaments some ladies are having. Please don’t carve a path that you will regret down the line. You have already insulted yourself and your time by staying with someone you knew fully well had another girlfriend. Please sidechickness is not your portion. The best things are worth waiting for. If you love yourself the way you claim, then you should have no problem with waiting for the right man that would love you the way you deserve.

  38. Aunty bella

    March 24, 2016 at 5:15 pm

    Thank you infeanyi! I’ve received sense already thank you! I’m not one to do such! I feel like I really need time to be with my self more! I know I worth more than being the other girl!!! I don’t even know why I was considering it at first… But some of you yabbing and saying you should have left! Blah blah !! I pray none of you find yourself in a situation where you are to weak to make a decision… You really don’t chose who you fall in love with. I was in love with the wrong person and that’s it… Not that I’m trying to justify my actions… It wasn’t like main or side chick coz he was with us at the same time! I just didn’t know… But who love don epp? Reading what some people are saying just made me realize how weak I was!!

  39. Aunty bella

    March 24, 2016 at 5:16 pm

    And I’m glad I shared this honestly! I really needed some sense

    • Koffie

      March 24, 2016 at 5:47 pm

      Allhamdulilai/thank God/Oluwa seun. It means you’ll forgive us for being tough with our words. Removing a plaster/bandage sharp sharp without serenren actually helps the patient. God will strengthen you in your weakness if you let Him. xoxo

  40. Koffie

    March 24, 2016 at 5:41 pm

    Girl, you said something about marriage (to the right man I hope) being every girl’s dream but you want to go right ahead to date LA guy who has no honourable intentions towards you? Tah, and that thing you said about LA guy not loving Naija babe and only being with her cos he wants to marry, lol. You’ve convinced yourself to believe that hogwash and Confirmation bias is at play here. You keep defending your stance cos you want people to tell you it’s okay since LA guy doesn’t love his bae. You that he loves (and heck supposedly loved for 2 years), why didn’t he dump Naija bae and marry you? How did you portray yourself sef that he felt he could proposition this kind of no-strings-attached-relationship to you? Babe, work on your perception of yourself; don’t be believing the lie the Devil would rather you accept as your truth. You said guys were chasing you when you USED TO BE hot bla bla. Do you think your beauty has faded within two years? Is that why you want to give yourself to LA guy at 98% discount? You need to work on yourself so that you can discern between men of integrity (neither of your two men qualify) and time wasters. Why will a guy try to win you by saying he will spoil you and shower you with gifts…cos he thinks you’re materialistic?
    I’d rather not attract any men temporarily than encourage belittling propositions. Mi o gbo ri, I thought young ladies became side chics by accident or by ashawoing but this one actually asked you to be playing rambo with him. Kai, at least with your ex, your side chicism was not your choice ab initio. I’ll be praying for God to remove ojukokoro (greed) and atenuje (more greed?) from your life. You need that more than you need a man, you just do not realise it. If I’m being kind sha, I’d tell you as I’d tell my sister; there are no gifts pricier than your worth and you’re not on Sales. Kilzez

  41. Arin

    March 24, 2016 at 6:56 pm

    See let’s cut this girl some slack she’s still in the development stage. Darling I was recently in that position I found out he had another girl and that was it. I burnt the bridge down ASAP I mean like I didn’t even give him space for long story ‘ain’t nobody got time for tat’ it hurt but the last time I spoke to him was the day I found out and confronted him. NEXT!. Secondly I don’t get us ladies,i just don’t and I mean the nija gf and her ultimatum knowing he was cheating on her. Are men that scares in this part of the world we settle for crap cause we want to be in a relationship? And we wonder why men cheat. Well, there’s your answer because of women like you and the Nija gf.

  42. Arin

    March 24, 2016 at 7:09 pm

    Don’t worry youil be fine. I totally understand not everyone is strong enough,sometimes we are too weak to make that decision we know we need. Take a break off social media that helps,try and find another distraction that isn’t a man. You will be fine. I promise.

  43. purplespring

    March 24, 2016 at 8:28 pm

    This girl shot up abeg…people are talking listen first,think,use ur head and mind
    me for dey cry now sef

    no dey rush dey ansa
    u funny me sha

  44. ogo

    March 24, 2016 at 11:08 pm

    I have a few questions for you:
    1. Why do you think you have to be a side chick or sugar baby to someone?
    2. Why do you think you need a man to pamper or make you happy?
    3. Why do you think it’s to be with someone that clearly tells you you are not first?
    4. Why do you want to waste more of your time?
    5. Why do you think your studies shouldn’t be a priority as a student?
    Don’t hurt yourself, trust God, be wise,and just give yourself some sense. I will be praying for you.

  45. Dinma Caruso

    March 25, 2016 at 12:35 am

    This poster must be a very silly child that needs validation for her actions. If you needed to be defensive or explanatory, you should have gathered your thoughts and explained them well in your narrative. Why so serious with the replies? You know the right thing to do and you ask. Ngwa. Go and be the side chick to ur abroad lova boy. Don’t leave o, die there. When you are done, write another narrative of how that went. We will be here to console you.

  46. chi-e-z

    March 25, 2016 at 1:45 am

    My friend focus on ur school first when u r ready 4 that phase of match making it shall come. learn 4rm my mistakes 😀 Men ain’t worth this much headache

  47. Na wa for you, o!

    March 25, 2016 at 11:45 pm

    Babe, I get that you’re hurt from your ex’s philandering, but wake up, biko, and smell the coffee. You obviously know too little about self-love. Even though you started with the boy first, he demoted you to side-chick, and you stayed with him. What were you waiting for, a medal for long-term service?! Abi them bin glue una two togeda (were you glued to him)? I’d like to empathize with you on some level, but the fact that you’re even remotely considering a side-chick position with one who is about to be married to another has made be begin to wonder if you have an affinity for second-best positions. If you love yourself like you claim you do, he’d be history the very moment you knew your boo had a boo, even if he cried bloody tears. But nooo. You’re far too kind for break ups.

    And now another guy offers you crumbs of himself, and you’re drooling at the idea. Did you even stop to think that he just might have 10 other girls? Or that at best, you’d be competing with others for his attention, or at worst, that you’d be easily replaceable? Or even that he might be offering you some VDs on a tattered platter? Or that the soon-to-be wife could destroy you with prayers?

    Chick, man never finish for world, o. When you come across “issueful” ones like this, you hiss, and stage a waka-pass.

    Thinking again, your priorities might be misplaced. Focus on your studies. There’s absolutely no urgent need to constantly be in a relationship. Men aren’t dropping out of the planet anytime soon. So, not being in a relationship, while you work on developing yourself, shouldn’t kill you,

  48. Ruby

    March 26, 2016 at 9:47 pm

    When demons are dancing shoki on some people’s head sha #WalksAway

    • purpliciousbabe

      March 28, 2016 at 12:56 am

      I agree take a chill pill, Just chill,

  49. Ruby

    March 26, 2016 at 9:52 pm

    Now that I have finished vexing.
    You deserve to be someone’s only option. So please say goodbye to ‘Mr come and be my side chic’. Take a break from dating to decide exactly what you want in a ma. Then ‘wait’ for It to find you.
    All the best. #KnowYourWorthGirlfriend

  50. OAP

    March 29, 2016 at 5:21 pm

    Girl just be your own Boss and The more you love yourself, the lesser the pain.
    Aunty Bella I think I have a case too oo
    Bobo is passing out soon from Camp and he wants to settle but He’s a Catholic which am not comfortable with although he won’t agree Break up or to change religion . And the present guy I have in school is a Dictator and He’s so asking for Sex as a grantee for the future..So I broke up with Him ..Am scared would my spiritual life change when I marry him? wod going to separate church affect my future home?? Am graduating August

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