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“Ghosting” is the Trendiest Way to Break Up in 2016! Find Out More…

BellaNaija.com

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D'banj Bonang

Did Bonang ghost D’banj?

The trendiest way to breakup a relationship in 2016 is by “Ghosting“!

Ghosting? What’s That?
Ghosting is basically completing cutting off a romantic partner with no explanation. It mainly applies to people in dating relationships. Typically, the “ghosts or ghoster” stops answering all calls, deletes and blocks the “ghosted” from social media including but not limited to Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, Snapchat & Instagram.

The New York Times defines “Ghosting” this way – (the term) has also come to be used as a verb that refers to ending a romantic relationship by cutting off all contact and ignoring the former partner’s attempts to reach out.

Sounds cruel, doesn’t it?

Do People Really Do This?
In 2014, YouGov/Huffington Post poll of 1,000 adults showed that just 11 percent of Americans had “ghosted” someone.

This week, a new survey released by the dating site Plenty of Fish revealed that 78 per cent of single Millennials have been ‘ghosted’ at least once! That is a major jump which shows this trend is truly popping.

Ghosters speak out
Ameena – I was in a very serious relationship with this guy for 3 months, we met and fell hard for each other. He invited me to go on holiday with him and we travelled to the Gambia. In Nigeria, we hardly have the freedom to do sleepovers and things like that so this was our first time “living together”. It was like he was a different person, he was impatient and got angry easily and he put a lot of pressure on me to have sex with him (I wasn’t ready and didn’t), though on other days, he was ok.
He didn’t even realize he was doing anything wrong, I just acted like everything was ok.

As soon as he dropped me at home in Abuja, I completely deleted his number from my phone and blocked him online. He kept calling and calling until I eventually blocked his number.

Ini – I dated this girl for a year around the time I was ready to settle down. She ticked all the boxes and was wifey material for sure but she just didn’t excite me. Everything about her was perfect and Emma is really a nice girl.

I had already hinted marriage and she had met my sisters. I felt trapped somehow. I couldn’t bring myself to break up with her so when I travelled to the East for a work retreat, I just didn’t call her while there or when I came back…

The Ghosted
Tunde – I was talking to this babe for a while. We went on a few dates and it was very cool. I thought we were going in the same direction. We talked everyday and all that. One night, we were chatting on WhatsApp and I was telling her how much I was missing her. I promised to send her a pic to show how much I was missing her…
I sent a pic of something special…and she immediately blocked me on WhatsApp. I tried calling her but she never picked up. She didn’t even bother blocking me on Twitter, she just carried on her life.

***

We dedicate Phyno & Olamide’s “Ghost Mode” to all Ghosters and the Ghosted.

BellaNaijarians, share your Ghosting stories and tell us what you think of the trend!

Cruel or Efficient?

130 Comments

  1. marlvina

    March 31, 2016 at 6:00 pm

    The world is really coming to an end. “Ghoster” and “Ghosted”????? SMH

    • Briishqueen

      March 31, 2016 at 6:44 pm

      It is not new na, all the 3 guys I have dated in my life broke up with me via ghosting… lmaooo… none had balls to break up with me face to face. One was because he got another girl pregnant n he changed his phone number. The 2nd one was because he allowed my gf snatch him from me and they both started dating, so na to avoid me be the way forward, the 3rd one was because his mother said we couldn’t marry n he just couldn’t face me with such gist or made up story. But guess what they all came back after ghosting for years and I used all their connections n formed friendship to get a contract or 2 while being the girl that they hurt n need her forgiveness. But I never dated anyone again. So if I am in dire need of something or connection, I will call them up n they would not hold back to help. Everyone stays happy in their lane. Am I single. Yes. Are they single? All 3 but one is a baby papa. Will I marry any if need be. Well maybe for financial security reason but not for love. But I don’t hate any. Okbye

    • Ijebujesha

      March 31, 2016 at 7:34 pm

      Marry me…..

    • ATL's finest

      March 31, 2016 at 9:58 pm

      Thank U, this is so OLD & last season

    • Larz

      March 31, 2016 at 10:53 pm

      Abi now. They are just repackaging old stuff and acting like it is something new

    • Darius Aminu

      April 1, 2016 at 7:53 am

      You must be an Ibo girl.

    • Darius

      April 1, 2016 at 8:40 am

      If there was an award for ghosting, it would go to me. I am the President of the Federal Republic of Ghosters/Ghosting. I have ghosted all my friends and the few female friends I have and now, I’m so lonely. Pls, I need me some good christian friends. My whatsapp no is 09054343889.

    • Nkechi

      March 31, 2016 at 6:59 pm

      Good job girl, for not bowing to the usual pre marital sex pressure. I am proud of you. That is what I call absolute strength in the inner mind.

    • Damilola

      March 31, 2016 at 7:45 pm

      Ghosting is a coward and an insecure move. I’m more of let’s talk, text even if it’s uncomfortable. If you refuse to communicate, I will still text and email to say my mind. I hate walking around and not having closure. I haven’t experienced a guy ghosting me. But I can only imagine how tormenting that can be.

    • abi

      April 1, 2016 at 2:37 am

      I had been talking to this guy for 4 months. We spoke for hours almost every day but he would go a week without getting in touch and then call and ask if i missed talking to him. It was a tad irritating but I didn’t care as I really liked him. We finally met when i took a trip to lagos and we still kept in touch . And then dude just vanished. As in Cape type things. We eventually spoke after a few weeks and even though we weren’t in a relationship I still wanted to know why he cut me off. He skilfully deflected the blame onto me. I swear nigerian men are a special breed. I’m not even sure if I had the right to be pissed as he wasn’t my man but it’s such bad manners.

    • Bye Felicias!

      April 1, 2016 at 11:19 am

      I can almost say the same..then i remember this guy and I wondered if it it counts as ghosting… so we met, we clicked, we talked..been single a long while, i opened up..i liked him, just a bit..somehow i cant remember what happened, i think it was one of this “ill call you when im home” or smething and i didnt call..i was tryna give us some space b4 it became intense.. then I dont buzz him in a while, he kept mute too…then i decide to send him a message on bbm and he was gone..called him ONCE..he doesnt pick and i just let go(im quite the proud type, even if i like u) so..was i ghosted? cos he deleted me first? i mean, i didnt care to know why and i didnt feel bad so i wasnt ghosted shey…

    • Pamela

      March 31, 2016 at 10:02 pm

      Lol. Ghosting is real and the cruelest thing ever. Check out my post about Ghosting on heelsandabout.com/ghosting/

    • jide

      March 31, 2016 at 11:28 pm

      As a regular Ghost, it’s the least dramatic way to move on. I love ghosting modafokas

    • Bola

      March 31, 2016 at 10:43 pm

      You cant ghost nuthin in Lagos. Does this look like america to you. By the time you buy your groceries at shoprite/ebeano, go for drinks at hard rock, party at sip… you must jam!!!
      Like they don’t know where you live at. Yall be trying this in Lagos social setting, you will pay dearly. You will ghost the sister of the person supposed to give you big contract hahaha

  2. Jessiejay

    March 31, 2016 at 6:06 pm

    I wonder what Tunde must have showed her… looollll!!

    • Dodo

      March 31, 2016 at 6:16 pm

      Preeeeekkkkkk

    • lea valley

      March 31, 2016 at 7:51 pm

      Something special lol

    • MEE

      April 7, 2016 at 10:01 pm

      Unsolicited dick pictures, Lol

  3. Ms_oyinkansola

    March 31, 2016 at 6:14 pm

    This isn’t new naa. Had my first experience about 8 years back. About 2 boyfriends have ghosted me and I have ghosted one myself. Can’t blame me. I had good teachers. One of d ghosting was so painful I thought I the ground wld soon open up and swallow me. Came back years later to explain and beg that I take him back. This world is a wicked place 🙂

    • Di

      March 31, 2016 at 10:31 pm

      Thats what I thought, nothing new, the ONLY thing new now is ghosting my female friends. I ghosted all my 3 exs because I didnt want to have a conversation that may change my mind, immature yes but effective for sticking to a decision.

  4. Great Lady

    March 31, 2016 at 6:19 pm

    Hmmmm so this is what G did to me. We reconnected last year and started talking in earnest,everything was going on very smoothly. Honestly I thought we were going to be together. All of a sudden, he stopped calling and i didn’t hear anything from him again.
    I’d say Ghosting is a cowardly way of leaving someone. It’s unfair and very cruel. The Ghosted is left wandering what he/she did wrong.
    If you want to leave someone simply tell the person this is the reason we can’t roll together again. If the Ghosted did something wrong, at least the person will know and correct his/her ways.

    • Briishqueen

      March 31, 2016 at 6:46 pm

      You did nothing wrong. They are the cowards that have issues. Never blame yourself for a ghoster…

  5. melinda

    March 31, 2016 at 6:21 pm

    hmmmmm this is just straight to the point…. i no go lie i hv been ghosted and ghosted so many pple be it a boyfriend or friends…..

  6. Thatgidigirl

    March 31, 2016 at 6:29 pm

    I ghosted a guy and then we met again somehow and started dating a few years later. Even though I liked him a lot, I just felt karma was going bite me in the arse…..that he would one day get back at me for what I did when I was already madly in love with him. So I ghosted again….?
    Not proud of it at all, but he’s better off now with a beautiful family and he has gotten his closure from a conversation we had about it….I think.

    • belle

      March 31, 2016 at 9:47 pm

      Is it bad that I chuckled? LOL.. you ghosted the poor dude TWICE! And the second time because of fear. lol

    • Corolla

      March 31, 2016 at 9:59 pm

      I chuckled too. Lol!

    • Viv

      April 1, 2016 at 2:21 pm

      me sef chuckle

  7. bruno

    March 31, 2016 at 6:29 pm

    bellanaija u are beginning to do too much. whats with all the
    “cruel or efficient”
    ” We dedicate Phyno & Olamide’s “Ghost Mode” to
    all Ghosters and the Ghosted.”
    “share ur ghost experience”
    “bellanaijarians its ur time to speak up”

    pls take it easy. I know u will not post my comment.

    • Jacqueline Ndubuisi

      March 31, 2016 at 10:45 pm

      I like how everybody except me ignored Bruno’s ranting

  8. Divine

    March 31, 2016 at 6:31 pm

    Ghosted my boss. Bitch was a real biatch.

    • Ijebujesha

      March 31, 2016 at 7:37 pm

      No, you didnt ghost her. You only got another job.

    • Sabifok

      March 31, 2016 at 9:53 pm

      Oh so you are one of those Ghost workers eh, derailing our economy

    • nene

      March 31, 2016 at 10:41 pm

      lmfao

  9. Lol

    March 31, 2016 at 6:33 pm

    Efficient much iv done this alot well…not alot but iv done it

  10. Onetallgirl

    March 31, 2016 at 6:36 pm

    So this is what it has come to eh? We cant be adult enough to end a relationship, just stop all calls and all forms of comunication, this is ridiculous i wish a man would ghost me i go show him well well! He go know who Onetallgirl is!

  11. Truth

    March 31, 2016 at 6:57 pm

    This is what typical naija guys do na, is dis new ? Most guys don’t even break up with you, dey just zone off, till you are d one dat gets tired of dere incommunicado and u break up with dem. or you just start seeing dem wit a new chick, deyv moveddd on far from u, but dey leave you to do d actual break up.
    Typical naija guy u just notice they stop calling and texting. When u text, dey take like 2hrs to respond and when they do they give u the k, seen, lol. After some time to get fraustrated and you start complaining how cum he doesn’t call or text again. He tells you his busy, you complain some more. Then he tells you nag too much and he’s too busy to be in a relationship. You need a better guy dat can give u attention.
    My ex use to do stupid mind games like that. We wld fight he wld completely cut me off. Won’t pick my calls for weeks, read my bb msgs and not respond. I might not talk to me for a whole month. One yr of that emotional abuse, I took it to d next level by deleting him off all social media. Months after he wants to cum back, he wld send me text, invite me to stuff. And I’m now d one doing d ignoring. I’m dating someone else, but instead of telling him dat, I want him to keep suffering by begging me. Iv been doing that since Dec, and I’m enjoying it, bcos I was doing d same shit begging him last yr.

    • Kay

      March 31, 2016 at 7:25 pm

      Exactly what my ex did to me; soo childish! An absolute Anumpama – thank goodness I dodged that bullet.

  12. Spunky

    March 31, 2016 at 6:58 pm

    I’m guilty as sinned on this one. Met this Young mammy water and made a play…it clicked(or so I thought)! We scheduled time to go on a date and I really wished I had saved myself the trauma. Bae ordered what she couldn’t pronounce on the menu and messed up the meal. As if that wasn’t bad enough, she did a good job in taking calls from her toasters and giggling like a twelve year old over the phone ( like I didn’t exist)! No p! I acted normal, dropped her off and smiled when she suggested I call her. I didn’t and this baba can stalk for Africa! She stopped calling at some point…next!

    • funmi oguns

      March 31, 2016 at 8:45 pm

      You were right to ignore her…the way chicks behave nowadays..smh

    • Ruby

      April 1, 2016 at 11:53 am

      You are so right on ignoring the Mami water jare. 5 gbosas for you!

  13. Owl

    March 31, 2016 at 7:06 pm

    I ghosted a guy once.
    I must say, I was a coward for cutting him off like that.
    It was a very one sided relationship. So I figured he wouldn’t miss me too much.
    Only for him to contact me out of the blue some 8 yrs after saying I really hurt his feelings.
    I felt so bad. So NO PEOPLE! Ghosting isn’t a good idea.

  14. MrNaijaD

    March 31, 2016 at 7:19 pm

    Ghosting is not new, people do it a lot when they travel abroad.
    One of my EXs ghosted me and few months later she was wanting back saying she was missing or kidnapped, I replied her article text with: Sorry, the MTN customer you’re trying to reach has moved on to better things.

    • nene

      March 31, 2016 at 10:43 pm

      lmfao

    • nawa

      April 1, 2016 at 6:00 am

      Hehehe

  15. Lucinda

    March 31, 2016 at 7:25 pm

    I have never been ghosted, tho na me be ghost queen. I have ghosted friends and boyfriends. I have just one friend remaining now and she’s not even Nigerian. I am wondering who my lonely ass is going to hang out with when I get back home. One time I ghosted a guy and went to beg him after some months. The guy just curved me. It pained me ehn it was as if I was going to die lmao. I held that L and moved on. I have come to understand that it is a very immature way of communicating. I still ghost people though, but I now let the person know before I ghost them that what they are doing/did hurt me. If I no see any change na ghost mode.

  16. ACE

    March 31, 2016 at 7:30 pm

    Omg! This is now a thing? I don’t like it! Face me, tell me and I will go away,i won’t do it to anybody so nobody should do it to me. I know how I sound but it’s the truth! For me tho…

  17. studytime

    March 31, 2016 at 7:35 pm

    LMAO i’m all by myself and i couldn’t say the word preeek and had to put my jumper over my nose and silently uttered the word lol . But seriously though ghosting is not new.

  18. mami

    March 31, 2016 at 7:41 pm

    I think i am a chief ghoster but i never knew there is a name for it. Lol

  19. poison ivy

    March 31, 2016 at 7:43 pm

    Ghosting kwa?
    You can’t pull that one on bae, he’ll come to the house. Ghost fire.
    I believe this method is for freshers, because people wey don go far get your siblings number and home address sef.
    You cannot ghost anything, he’ll hunt you down.

    • nene

      March 31, 2016 at 10:43 pm

      gbam

    • babe

      April 1, 2016 at 8:52 pm

      True

  20. Felicia

    March 31, 2016 at 7:45 pm

    Absolute nonsense.

  21. poison ivy

    March 31, 2016 at 7:47 pm

    And @ melinda, we should be best buds oooo based on namesake level.
    You’ll be the first melinda I know.
    Tho I spell mine with a “Y” (melynda).
    Holla!!!

  22. olorificent

    March 31, 2016 at 8:22 pm

    I rem ghosting a guy. Wen we met, we were trying to know each other but d guy talk more abt his sis at every conversation we had cuz is only d two of dem &dey were too close, so i felt insecure and not sure he wud Eva love me like he love&talk abt his sis sooo I terribly ghosted him,didnt pick his call,block him on social media bt naw we r back together as friends, but I didn’t tell him why I did all of dat cuz am married naw &no point in opening a closed wound. Wish I was brave enough to tell him den.

  23. Stige

    March 31, 2016 at 8:46 pm

    Ghosted a lady just 3 days ago for playing me. Right now I need me a lady friend, just to keep not thinking I’m lonely. 7F469D14

    • Takeseveralseas

      April 1, 2016 at 4:39 pm

      U no well! This place looks like datemumu.com to u?? Alakori Ghoster

    • AdaNwanyiUS

      April 2, 2016 at 5:54 am

      DEAD lmao chei

  24. funmi oguns

    March 31, 2016 at 8:56 pm

    Well I never knew ghosting was a thing. because it already a habit to me.A habit I formed when I was young,I just don’t like people getting use to me,because I always feel like they would disrespect me if I get so use to them .so if I talk to you today and see you the next day I act like I don’t know you .so in my relationship it was easy for my. In other to get to a gal pants,my 1st love lied to her that we were done,that am forcing myself on him,when his mission was accomplished he came back begging,so tell why he shouldn’t me Goshted

    • cos I say so

      March 31, 2016 at 10:51 pm

      Huh

    • californiabawlar

      April 1, 2016 at 7:26 am

      Please if you’re one of the 9 people that liked this comment, I not only have to ask why you like what this person said….but most importantly, can someone volunteer to explain how they even understood to begin with.

      Sister mi Funlayo(lola), o ga o…the only part I managed to get was that you meet people and next day, you act like you don’t know them…la’she alaagana? lol.

    • m4

      April 1, 2016 at 11:25 am

      It took me a while to fully understand what she was trying to say ( I paid a price tho, with some headache).The first part was pretty much ok, the second part was a total mess..Let me try and make it simple……..Her(funmi) ex boyfriend lied and slept with another girl..He told the girl that both of them (funmi and him) are no longer together…..So at the end funmi found out and the ex came back to her, but she (funmi)decided to ghost him.
      Hopefully you understand my own explanation. Lol

  25. BlueEyed

    March 31, 2016 at 8:59 pm

    I have been at the giving end mostly, but one experience I’ll always remember was with some dude I travelled back to Nigeria for, we had this amazing chemistry online, we knew so much about eachother and we seemed so in-sync, long story short, we met, spent a few days in the same space and I enjoyed our time together, dude waited for me to board my flight back abroad and just ghosted me,no lie it did hurt but a year later he sought me out and explained and in his words he dubbed me “too high maintenance for him”, I laughed it off and ever since we’ve been very good friends.

  26. hurt

    March 31, 2016 at 9:04 pm

    You connect with someone.. Have mind blowing sex… Next thing he acts as if you guys have been platonic friends for a long time. Will chat with you everyday.. Ask how you are doing.. But won’t meet up with you again.. You ask what’s wrong.. He says nothing but trust him… I am confused.. Isn’t that stylish ghosting.. I have asked whatever I did wrong.. He says nothing that he is going through something which he won’t confide in me. But if I need his help even financially he’s there.. I don’t understand. I feel like he just wants to be friends but no intimacy… I feel rejected.. Please guys do you think he doesn’t like me or…. It’s been months we sat in the same room alone talk less……

    • Somborri

      March 31, 2016 at 9:52 pm

      So sorry to say this but my sincere opinion is that he has gotten what he wanted from you. I believe you know what I mean. Please pick up the shreds of your dignity and move along dear. A mistake can be manure from which beautiful flowers will blossom.

    • Truffle

      March 31, 2016 at 9:56 pm

      Move on dear.

    • Jags

      March 31, 2016 at 10:08 pm

      Eyaaaaaaa.

      That sex was mind blowing. BUT ONLY FOR YOU.

      Cheer up dear. E go betta

    • Tosin

      April 1, 2016 at 4:26 am

      that’s also a distinct possibility.
      which is not saying anything really, because well, a good shag is often not a knowledge thing as much as it’s a chemistry thing, and also because the first time with a person is usually rubbish (for me, i’m more a learner, improve with more connection so would never judge by the first time though many people would totally go by that as per passion it’s either there or not, hey, na them sabi), and because even if it had been fab both ways, emotional matters could still make him draw away.
      Guys in the house can back me up: boys/men have emotions too. Yup.

      totally with the e go betta verdict. e go betta. dude is likely friend material. ugh, so annoying when you have to give up a hottie though and now be consoling self with ‘friend’-ship. 🙁

    • Omonoro

      April 1, 2016 at 12:50 am

      personally i don’t av the time to ghost anyone but if you start ghosting me ehn and I notice, the way I will cut you of ehn u won’t even have mind to come near me again..if u dnt want to be, say so already.the drama you are expecting may not even show

    • Tosin

      April 1, 2016 at 4:19 am

      pele. he likes you just dealing with stuff. believe people sometimes. it still hurts sha. one system for moving forward is to kukuma express yourself, embarass yourself or whatever, but at least be open and true and do your own best. he’s probably doing his best too, even if it’s a sucky best.

    • missy

      April 1, 2016 at 2:59 pm

      A good shag is often not a knowledge thing as much as it’s a chemistry thing. #QuotableQuote

  27. Somborri

    March 31, 2016 at 9:05 pm

    Hello, my name is Somborri and I’ve ghosted and been ghosted. I ghosted a guy who became so obsessed with me. We were both serving and I only dated him because I was horribly lonely and fighting off depression (there was too much sadness going on in my life at that time). Dude scared me with the intensity of his emotions. Was always calling to check on me, was just too damn intrusive and demanded much more than I was willing to give. I travelled home and finished my service year as a ‘payrolling corper’ and boy oh boy I ghosted the guy o! Heard he threatened to kill himself I he couldnt link up with me. I said a silent prayer for him (and for me too…e never reach like dat) and stoically ghosted along hoping he would soon get tired. For years though I was always scared to see an unknown number on my phone sha.

    I got ghosted by a guy whom I thought was ‘The One’. He loved me so much (or so I thought). He was always doing thoughtful things for me like driving me from Yaba to Ogba everyday for a training session before going to his own office and then being there right on time to pick me up. Best of all he agreed to no premarital sex and never put pressure on me. He even met my parents. But all of a sudden he wouldnt pick my calls and I just didnt hear from him or see him anymore. It took only a couple of days to figure out what was happening cuz I’d done it to someone before. Ok now. Karma is a nasty vengeful female dog! It hurt like mad. My pride was wounded. A whole me!!!! But I forged ahead. Met a wonderful guy. Long story short….married this wonderful guy and been married for almost 10 years now. Ho ha. My ghoster nko? Heard from a mutual friend that he dumped me because someone told him my parents would never allow us to get married. Ehn? Warreva! (in Jenifa’s voice). His loss. Definitely my gain.

    I’m so happy he ghosted me. Might never have met my darling dearest hubby!

  28. Lily Rose

    March 31, 2016 at 9:11 pm

    Someone who had ‘toasted’ me for quite a while ghosted me after dating him for 2 months. Another guy I was really serious with did same b4 getting back with his ex. For so long I believed something was wrong with me. I guess it’s a relief to know that it’s a common occurrence. Shout out to Korex & Ab Enahoro o!

  29. kay zee braun

    March 31, 2016 at 9:29 pm

    So Ghosting it is called, finally I understand. this is just what my gf (ex) did to me last week…. but this is so immature and dis respectful a way to break up with someone you once professed love to. It’s just an exit way out for Cowards… Yes…Cowards

  30. Sabifok

    March 31, 2016 at 9:39 pm

    Ghosting is just the fancy name for it. In Nigeria, it is called “Chop and Clean Mouth” or CACM for short (pronounced CACIM). It has existed since the days of Mungo Park, when the African escorters and interpreters who followed him for exploration work and to help carry load “ghosted” him at the last minute because the whole exploration journey parole started smelling one kind.

    Nah but seriously, while it is a rather cowardly and childish way to break up with someone, some “victims” actually deserve it because they ignored the signs of what was a long way coming.

    – They display desperate clingy behaviour which makes the Ghoster scared that this one would kill me and herself or bathe us both with car battery acid if I dared suggested a break up face-to-face

    – Sometimes it had been that the ghostee and ghostor had been talking on the phone and really developed a bond and understanding. Then after meeting the first and second time, the ghostor now noticed that the ghostee was not all she was depicted to be on Skype or Facetime. She is rude, uncouth and has an irritating habit of spitting phlegm on the side-walk. And boy was she greedy! On the first day they met, they went out on a date, and she was just ordering plural of every item on the menu and show-glass. She chewed with her mouth open displaying her decaying premolars, and her rotten personality by shouting at the attendant and doormen. Ghostor had to flee like Absalom.

    • Mr. Egghead

      April 1, 2016 at 4:45 pm

      Your moniker is quite enlightening, ‘Sabifok’.

  31. 2much

    March 31, 2016 at 9:41 pm

    oh so dats what dey call it! well I did dat to a guy after it he ‘mistakenly’ told me his body count, pally, I can’t work with dat much experience. I cut him off totally.

  32. Noms

    March 31, 2016 at 10:02 pm

    Ghosting, I only just got to know this is what the act of unexplained silence is called. I have experienced it and trust me, its worse when you keep believing that it will all come back to normal and even better.
    Hmmmmm, can’t even start writing for how long I waited….so I was GHOSTED.
    After asking him continuously what I did,he came up with “you are too good for me”, I can’t love you the way you deserve…..I even went as far as asking his dad to ask him what I did.Life is beautiful and I don’t have the strength to hate. We friends now, though he is married and I am yet to be married.
    I have ghosted some guys too though but not in the way I was ghosted sha…..

  33. T

    March 31, 2016 at 10:18 pm

    Some years ago,i would have said ghosting was cowardice. but see ehn,in some cases it’s very necessary! When you are friends with,or in a relationship with someone who manipulates your emotions,you would learn that silence is your best weapon. Some people are so toxic that trying to rationalise with them will drain you,

    You have that one friend that’s nothing but a ‘frenemy’…feeds off you yet stabs you,Ghost them! That bae that has formed a habit of cheating on you…you find out,you cry,you yell,they lie,they beg,you try to rationalise with them to understand why they did what they did,the cycle continues. Sometimes you even end up blaming yourself.See…just ghost them.Sometimes,closure is overrated. You’ll be alright.

    • NotaNutellalover

      April 1, 2016 at 12:02 am

      You put it way better than I could have written. Closure is wayyyyy overrated sometimes. Ghosting is very important when you know there is no other way to leave an unhealthy friendship or relationship. I have ghosted 2 girlfriends who I swore we will raise our kids together, do I miss them? Hell! Everyday! But is self care and peace of mind more important to me, I say hell to the yeah!
      I remember my first encounter with my “little boyfriend” when I was 19. Dude was playing me, went by his house to have one last look at him. Broke my SIM card and I went with the wind✌?️
      Life is too short, honestly!

  34. K mama

    March 31, 2016 at 10:26 pm

    I have been ghosted once. Me and this guy were really good friends we fell for each other and started dating. All was well. Next thing my guy travels for masters, promises that we’d talk everyday and what not. Fast forward to two months, guy won’t pick my calls or reply my messages, even blocked me on whatsapp. I didn’t need anyone to tell me to move on.

    But again I have ghosted several guys. I will be the one to give them my number when they ask oh, but when they start calling and texting as if their life depends on it, na ghost mode straightaway. Do I feel bad? No but in the future I will tell the guy what he’s doing wrong. If he doesn’t change, ghost mode

  35. Hurt

    March 31, 2016 at 10:38 pm

    Thanks guys for those hard knock truths. That was the closure I needed to hear. No more friendliness.. It’s over.. It’s over. Now it has entered my brain however painful

    • Mara

      March 31, 2016 at 11:08 pm

      Well done… it’s not easy to accept especially when you’re emotionally and physically drawn to the guy, but you’re better off moving on, and you’ll be glad you did. Much better things lie ahead…

    • T

      April 1, 2016 at 11:51 am

      @ Hurt…sending you e-hugs. You’ll be fine.

  36. Ghost Mode Activated

    March 31, 2016 at 10:39 pm

    I’ve been ghosted recently. Met this guy and we clicked so much, talked from sun up till sun down for like two weeks and then he asks me out and I’m like I think it’s too soon and quickly but surely I was ghosted. From someone that used to talk to me every day to nothing as in zilch. Sent a message once and he replied like nothing was wrong but still didn’t communicate after that so I let it be.

    • Rubs

      April 9, 2016 at 4:55 pm

      Lool. Been down that Lane, but sisteh had to move on.

  37. Bola

    March 31, 2016 at 10:42 pm

    You cant ghost nuthin in Lagos. Does this look like america to you. By the time you buy your groceries at shoprite/ebeano, go for drinks at hard rock, party at sip… you must jam!!!
    Like they don’t know where you live at. Yall be trying this in Lagos social setting, you will pay dearly. You will ghost the sister of the person supposed to give you big contract hahaha

  38. B

    March 31, 2016 at 10:57 pm

    @lilly rose. Korexx from unabb right?

  39. Nini

    March 31, 2016 at 10:59 pm

    I’ve never been ghosted(does it count that I’m too unfriendly and have been in just 2 relationships)..anyhow I ghosted this guy..I was on a break with my current fiance(then boyfriend)..and I met him…nice guy…really cute and family driven…I started to like him…like really like him…Then his possessive and protective side came out…The day he gave me 138missed calls in a space of 1hour…(I was asleep)…I literally ghosted him…this was 2years ago…he’s currently my best friend atm..and he still believes he messed up by showing his protective side…in other news..ghosting isn’t such a terrible idea…lol

  40. cos I say so

    March 31, 2016 at 11:08 pm

    Ghosting expert is what i be
    That’s how I form ghosting for husband mine bcos e make me vex… wen I didn’t get the desired response for 3straight days… my head do factory reset sharply
    I also remember being ghosted by a guy I had developed deep feelings for…he actually barred my number…met up plenty years later and he said he was scared of his feelings for me.dont bliv that gist jor…

  41. ludasky

    March 31, 2016 at 11:34 pm

    ghosting is a pleasant way of telling someone You don’t want to continue with the relationship. it has it’s advantage and disadvantage. I have ghosted many, can’t really say how many cos I have lost count. I was even planning to do same to this one that l am with, now that l think of it, l will come up with something different and not this “ghosting” stuff

  42. Tee

    March 31, 2016 at 11:34 pm

    Sheeesh bella naija there is nothing new about ghosting! The term ghosting isn’t even new
    Back in 08 before it even became main stream my friends and I used to use the term, dude just ghosted oh like that, cos Naija niggas stay ghosting chicks. Na their MO be that

  43. Mike Doe

    March 31, 2016 at 11:54 pm

    bwoy oooh bwoy…from an official and pro ghoster..i must say its always been the best way but the only backlash is when u see the ghosted face to face…n u ave to explain ur actions…awkwardness at its best

  44. Tosin

    April 1, 2016 at 2:30 am

    you people now dedicated song? come here whoever do dat ting!? lol

  45. Betheredonethat

    April 1, 2016 at 3:17 am

    A friend just did this to me like we talk for hours everyday , meetup all the time and then all of a sudden nothing just flat out cold, she recently came back to her senses I suppose and being that I was a truly good friend to her we continued like nothing happened and she wont talk about it. Well I plan on doing the same ish I’m sorry but that pain was too much I actually cried for this girl, so I’m detaching myself and will soon cut off . She messed with the wrong one . In this my age I’m crying for friendship mscheeww.

    I ghosted this guy too , gosh now I actually feel I messed him up . We met online and found out our parents were friends and he even had a picture of me when we were little , it doesn’t get any more serendipitous than that. Well, we got along so well and he finally came to see me . My God this boi was short i had no idea i could be that vain but every atom of attraction i had just disappeared the moment I set my eyes on him , I played along till he left and that was it . I feel he knew it was because he was short and you know they already have that complex. Oh well I was young then sha lol .

  46. Magarita

    April 1, 2016 at 4:05 am

    I was ghosted by an ex who developed heart disease. Torn between ignoring him and still trying to check up on him cos of his condition.

    • Heevil

      April 1, 2016 at 5:25 am

      What?!

  47. I just waka come...

    April 1, 2016 at 7:05 am

    Ignore.
    It’s not your problem.
    Did he inform you himself? No.
    You probably heard from someone who knows someone, who knows someone.
    Let those he let into his life take care of him, mind your business, life is not hard.

  48. Somi

    April 1, 2016 at 7:31 am

    Funny enough, this is old with a new label. I personally consider ghosting immature but very effective in its own right. Use it with care when you want to drive home a point crudely or teach someone a lesson.
    I have been ghosted and did not like it at all. So, I generally do not ghost people as a rule of thumb. But, when all those married men come knocking, na ghost mode sharp sharp. And believe me they can trouble someone ehhnn…..oh well!

  49. sonique

    April 1, 2016 at 8:37 am

    ohhhh!!…is that part of ghosting?… i mean giving someone your number and not taking their calls. Then i am proudly the chief Ghoster..

    • No

      April 2, 2016 at 12:05 pm

      This is not ghosting . For it to be called ghosting you guys would have talked and developed a sort of relationship or expectation that he calls or you call or u see and then just like that one of you dies from the relationship. Sudden Death is usually unexpected without explanations, hence the dead became a ghost.

  50. Lahytan

    April 1, 2016 at 9:53 am

    For the record, it was more like Dbanj ghosted Bonang

  51. Jam

    April 1, 2016 at 10:31 am

    I’ve been ghosted in a relationship. But I’ve ghosted a friend too. It’s a cowardly thing to do but I honestly saw no other way out without things getting out of hand. I found out my “best friend” had/has the hots for my father and was intent on doing something about it. I didn’t want to confront her so I just exed. We’d been friends for over 14years.

  52. coke

    April 1, 2016 at 10:41 am

    ghosting is not only immature but out-rightly cruel.

  53. NO NAME

    April 1, 2016 at 11:07 am

    I have been “ghosted” too and i’l l tell you something it hurts like hell. Met this person online we talked everyday..voicenotes, hour long phonecalls, i thought we had connection. we were supposed to meet next week. he calls me this week and says he is arround my office and he wanted to stop by. i didn’t think it was a good idea. i was looking really horrible. you know how you have a bad everything day..bad hair day, bad clothes day, bad make up day? i had one of those days. i told him i looked horrible and we should stick with our earlier plan. he assured me it didn’t matter he looked horrible as well, first impressions dont count bla bla bla. long story short he stopped by it was really akward i was feeling very self conscious. after the meeting we exchanged a few texts. after that i heard nothing from him. nothing at all. i called twice he didn’t pick up. i am not one to come off as desperate so i stopped calling. i haven’t heard anything from him till today. so much for first impressions don’t count.

    • Ruby

      April 1, 2016 at 12:11 pm

      I have a good feeling that you will hear from him soon. Cheers

  54. Hadiza

    April 1, 2016 at 12:07 pm

    I ghosted my friend of 10 years when I confirm from different source say she n her mama na Jazz pple
    One ex bf ghosted only for me to ran into him in a place he wouldn’t believe I will b , I robbed it on his face , n I gave him a pice of my mind , was heavy pregnant so he couldn’t even say a word DH was d one that save him frm my hand that day when he came t get me
    One of my client ghosted after I have given her everything for d job without coke ring deposit (I have leant my lesson ) I did a very high profile job for her company in international level , when she saw me she melted , where I was her boss’s boss can’t even talk sef
    I had a good laff

    • missy

      April 1, 2016 at 2:28 pm

      SDK bvs use this DH as though everyone understands it…lol

  55. confused

    April 1, 2016 at 12:22 pm

    I don’t understand. …..was he the one who ghosted you or you did? And if you did then you are a very terrible person

    • confused

      April 1, 2016 at 12:24 pm

      @magarita

  56. Ruby

    April 1, 2016 at 12:27 pm

    I have ghosted but never been ghosted.
    1. Boyfriend came up with a fib that his mum doesn’t approve of us. As I am kukuma not one to cling at places that I am not liked. I told brother straight up, I am blocking you. I blocked him on ALL available social media. Heard he is getting married to a girl from his state that was stalking him when we were dating. I wish him well.
    2. Had this friend that we went to college together. We met up a few years after college and started catching feelings. I even broke my rule and told him ‘I liked you ‘ first. Oga was like ‘I like you also’. Guess next thing ;Yoruba Boy started doing? #ClapsHands
    He started asking me for loans oo. Not once, twice, or thrice..I have lost count. As in, you think se I be dondi. Is it because ‘I like you’? O fe fimi gba star? As a smart lady, I refuse to let my hard earned money enter voicemail, I have ghosted him. #NoTime. He has made several attempts ..sending messages asking ‘Why don’t you talk with me as much as you used to?’ I am like ________. (silence)
    3. Met this dude over the weekend. Thought he was cute so I shared my contact. Dude calls me and starts asking unintelligent questions and laughing anyhow like a clown. I am like ‘I cant do this’. I haven’t picked or responded to his messages since.

    When you realize, a person is not worth the emotional investment, activate ghost mode. I can’t come and be writing Aunty Bella.

    • Viv

      April 1, 2016 at 3:20 pm

      lol. No. 3 was soooo funny.

    • ladyb

      April 1, 2016 at 3:43 pm

      hahahhaahahah your comment is hilarious my kinda babe

    • belle

      April 1, 2016 at 4:32 pm

      You go girl!!!

  57. Toyin

    April 1, 2016 at 12:37 pm

    Wow….I read the whole comment. The comment section is the real deal in an article most times. Of course I have ghosted someone…No stories, keep it up commentators.

  58. freemind

    April 1, 2016 at 12:38 pm

    …Well, , i haven’t be ghosted or being a ghoster. I like it real. But I love this GHOST MODE song die…i wish i could understAnd Olamide’s version (yoruba). Well Ghosted, take heart , it’s one of those things. Shit happens, Get over it!

  59. miss oma

    April 1, 2016 at 1:16 pm

    DO I KNOW YOU KAY ?? hmmmm!!

  60. shakira

    April 1, 2016 at 1:45 pm

    VERY TORMENTING DARLING, I PRAY YOU DON’T EXPERIENCE IT.

  61. missy

    April 1, 2016 at 2:22 pm

    Well…I think I know Tunde cus everything he said happened to me and this guy, except his name isn’t Tunde, I knew him wayyyy before he started dating his WIFE, I was also in a relationship so I couldn’t leave it for him, the day he said he missed me, and sent that pic I just blocked him on whatsapp, refused to answer his calls and texts, we still follow each other on twitter. Tsk

    • Quenson

      April 1, 2016 at 5:24 pm

      Pls what was d pic?

  62. Tgirl

    April 1, 2016 at 4:46 pm

    I don’t exactly know if that applies in my case but I’ve been in a relationship for a year and a half. My boyfriend is so sensitive and loves to keep malice. Had a fight with him last week and he hasn’t responded to any of my messages or calls. Decided to give it some time hoping he’ll come around eventually, but it’s been over a week and still nothing. It’s so frustrating cause no one has ever rejected me this way. I don’t know what to do and it’s been affecting me seriously. I don’t understand why he can’t just let us talk about it and move on. I’m tired of reaching out cause I’m starting to look desperate. Honestly don’t know what to do…..

    • A

      April 1, 2016 at 7:38 pm

      Tgirl,

      Occupy yourself. Read, take a vacation, take up a hobby..just stay busy. When you occupy yourself with things that develop you as a person, you will not have time to be thinking about some man who can’t or refuses to communicate. Listen, that behavior is typical of passive aggressive people. He is mind fucking you and you know why? Because he knows that his silence and withdrawal will bother you. And you know what baby girl? You need to stay unbothered. I’m not saying you’re idle or anything. But just purposefully occupy yourself. When he notices that you have collected your mumu button back, he will either attempt to come back, at which time you can decide how you want to proceed. That is when you lay down the ground rules and let him know that such behavior is unacceptable and you don’t play that at all. Or if he doesn’t come back, you keep it moving. You know why? Because in the wise word of Gucci Mane “Men are like buses.. miss one, next fi’teen one coming” ( He didn’t say it quite like that, he was talking about girls but it applies in the situation too). Look after yourself, continue to develop yourself and explore your options. I’m sure you’re a smart, bright and beautiful lady. You deserve better treatment, no matter what the issue is. The one for you will not be purposefully trying to mind fuck you like this okay? Go forth and flourish honey. Good Luck!

    • T girl

      April 2, 2016 at 12:02 am

      Thanks so much for the response A. Today’s been a rough day as I’ve been dwelling on this issue but reading this just made me feel better. We fought over something so trivial and I know I wasn’t wrong but his passive aggressive attitude led me to apologising just to make peace. I’ll get on with your advise and hopefully I’ll feel better soon enough. Thanks so much again x

  63. T

    April 1, 2016 at 11:46 pm

    A! I wanna clap for you because of this comment!come and chop kilzes

  64. Simplyjane

    April 2, 2016 at 8:38 pm

    I’ve been ghosted before. Reconnected with someone i didnt really know in uni. We talked, bb’ed all day etc. His close friend died and bam!!! That was the end. Ppl said he was gay but…nah. Anyways, guess who sends me a happy new msg on whatsapp? I just block, delete, kill that gist osiso! I no even answer am. Felt good too.

  65. Iris

    April 3, 2016 at 10:34 am

    I dated a guy for 3 months 10 years ago when we were summer interns in the same city. We had (still have) lots of mutual friends and we were practically inseparable, it was a very intense relationship. Then the summer ended and we had to go back to different universities. That was it, never heard from him again. I called him 3 times, and sent many messages, he never responded. Then I called him one last time, he answered and said he was at some leadership training and he’d call me back. Nope, no call back. Only for him to add me to facebook a few weeks later, I accepted because I wanted to rekindle our connection. He sent a message, I replied very politely and asked some random questions, he didn’t respond. I just decided to leave it for a bit. You know that whole saying “when you love something, let it go, if it comes back it was meant to be,” Well he didn’t come back but because we were in the same circle of friends I kept hearing about him. He talked to everyone but me, even my close friends. Obviously this stung. I’m not facebook obsessed but he’d wish everyone we know in common a happy birthday, like all their photos except mine (and I know I have some cute pics on there).
    I’ve been playing the three months in my head over and over for the past 10 years trying to figure out what I did wrong:
    1) Did one of my friends badmouth me to him?
    2) Did he like one of my friends better (he was overly friendly to them sometimes, maybe to rub it into my face)
    3) Should I have given into the pressure to have sex during such a brief courtship? Funny, I really wanted to do it but just wanted us to wait a little longer
    4) Was i not good enough for him?
    5) Was he not just interested and immature to break things off courteously? (I’d have cried but would have been fine) Would he have acted the same way at today’s age?
    6) Did he want me to pursue him more? Should I have tried harder to reconnect?

    See ladies and gentleman, ghosting can scar someone, look at me 10 years later and I still think about it. I dated many other guys, some that I liked even more than him, but none have impacted me as much as he has because I don’t know what went wrong. I want to just forget about it but it haunts me at times. It’s a painful experience.

    • CurvesAndEdges

      April 4, 2016 at 10:58 pm

      Acceptance that you cannot control or know the answer to everything will liberate you. You have created a shrine for this guy in your head. And you really should unfriend him on fb.

  66. Ethel

    April 4, 2016 at 3:20 pm

    uncle Tunde biko what was the “something special” u sent that made her block u…. cus me i’m wondering ooo

  67. Ijebu Boy

    April 5, 2016 at 6:30 am

    He showed her something special… that actually got me laughing out loud at work. boys and dick pics, someone needs to tell them, “there is nothing sexy about a dick pic… ever!!!”

    The concept of Ghosting, old as the earth itself. nothing new. We are just too used to everyone everywhere being readily available to us anytime thanks to the internet and social media. back in the day, if the post office closed down, Ghosted ni yen. If Nitel didnt work, Ghosted ni yen.

    well… *now ghosting*

  68. aisha

    April 5, 2016 at 12:13 pm

    LOL…I laugh now because its been four years i got ghosted by my fiancé after our wedding plans were in place…he just stopped taking calls or returning messages..Even ghosted anyone that tried to reach out to him concerning us my family included..lol…never heard from him again.Nothing new about ghosting, quite common in Nigeria.I am married to someone awesome now and i thank my ex for ghosting me, because i am better of where i am now for real..lol.

  69. JUSTBEE

    April 5, 2016 at 3:24 pm

    now I understand what just happened to me two months ago. CHAI! I have been ghosted. Met this guy during my NYSC we were very closed we talked about everything. We were attracted to each other but I was dating a guy at that time and didn’t want to double date. NYSC ended we kept in touch. Told him about my breakup with that guy, He was in a relationship and he just acted cool.. I kept calling him and he would always make excuses like he is busy, lagos traffic and all that. At a point I was actually the one that ghosted him. LOL I deleted him from my facebook, blocked him on my whatsapp and all.. I was better off without him and I moved on until September last year( After three years of incommunicado) he called me saying he felt hurt that I had blocked him out of my life and his relationship had long ended and all this while he had always wanted me and this time he asked me out officially stating that he wanted us to get intimate and who knows take the relationship to another level. I was so daft that I didn’t ask questions even when he kept asking me so many personal questions. In summary I fell in love with him, let down my guards thinking all was well. . In January I called him and he said he had something personal to tell me later. He didn’t call back and when I did he said I should relax. At a point I kept calling and calling he would not pick his calls, he would not respond to my text messages, pings and even emails. I did not know he was GHOSTING me so heartbreaking he finally got married on the 26th of march and till this moment he has not explained his actions. I only wished we talked about this and had a closure. I would have respected him for that. I must say GHOSTING is not a display of maturity. Speak out and let it be over. Forgive, move on and life continues.

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