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The Lagos Party Survival Guide

BellaNaija.com

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Anu Lagos shares her “Lagos Party Survival Guide

Okay… So that’s how the only really fun activities in Lagos usually revolve around food, party or both.
All my friends know that I’m not about any of those things, and here’s why:

1. I am watching my waistline and all this #fitfam living must not go in vain.
2. I like my peace and quiet too much.

However, seeing as I’m a single Lagos girl, ready to mingle and at least ready to meet potential Baes, I have had to ditch comfort and reinforce myself with waist trainers, Spanx, body magic,etc. because like it or not, the struggle is real.

But before I package myself for a ‘Girls’ Night Out’ this Friday, I have decided to share these tips with all my friends so we don’t go and embarrass ourselves outside. But ofcourse, I am going to sneak in a few pointers for the fellas out there too. You know we love y’all too, right?

1. Always have your ATM Card and Vex Money handy
ATM_VEX MONEY… Because POS network can decide to disappear and you don’t want to end up wearing your Christian Louboutin heels in the restaurant’s kitchen washing plates, or worse, your date can be an ass (or the hole in it) and decide to leave you stranded. Either way, you’ll end up being majorly embarrassed.

2. Have a Cab Driver’s number on hand
Lagos roads are not smiling. You can enter a pothole on Ikorodu road, and your night can be ruined just like that. So it’s best you have a cabbie on speed dial that can turn up anytime you need him. And if your friends are in anyway hyperactive like mine are at the bar, the best way to avoid ending up under 3rd mainland bridge is to have a ride home after all that ‘turn up’.

Screen Shot 2016-05-10 at 4.22.48 PM

3. Phone and supporting gadgets
Of what use is a Cab guy’s number if your phones are dead.
i.) Always have a ‘small phone’ or ‘palasa’ on hand (that’s the only way to live in Lagos). In some dark areas of town, it’s better to keep your iPhone 6S under your wig and bring out your Nokia torchlight.
ii.) Have a portable modem or Mi-fi because you need data to upload all that ‘fleekage’ on Instagram and Snapchat as it’s happening.
PS: If you don’t have a power bank, please don’t bother leaving home.
4. Breath mint, breath spray or chewing gum
There is nothing more unsexy than stale breath and like I said ‘looking for potential bae’. Nuff Said…

5. Change of Clothes

This should not come as a surprise to those familiar with the Lagos Party scene, because you can go from club to dinner to wedding and back to the club again in one night! Thank God for body-con dresses, they fit in any sturdy clutch. You can change from short to long dress in any bathroom ASAP.

6. Never Walk Alone
Screen Shot 2016-05-10 at 4.14.11 PMA wise man once said, “A fool with a partner is better than a fool alone.”
Okay, I admit… I just made that up.Anyways, you don’t want to sit alone when everyone is in pairs, or groups. Plus it’s safer and more fun to have company.

NOTE:
i.) If you are on the hunt for bae like me, please don’t go with 10 of your friends. No guy will come talk to you except he definitely wants to wife you.
ii.) Never go with a friend that is finer than you, because you know how that goes. #thirdwheel.

7. Remember to Eat!
Always eat before you go for anything even if you are the one organizing the party. Caterers know how to mess people up. And if you are supposed to meet someone up for dinner, don’t starve yourself all day expecting to eat a feast later.
God help you that your date takes you to all those restaurants where a N10,000 plate of rice = 1 tablespoon.
Truth be told, your date probably ate Eba or Starch before coming to meet you.

8. Be Protected
American Honey Creatives-14
Ideally, you shouldn’t have to worry about this one, cos what guy will take you seriously if you give away the cookie on the first date anyway. But there are always exceptions to every rule, so be careful okay?

Disclaimer: Giving away the cookie on the first date has worked for some people, but I can assure you that it will not work for you.
Or maybe it will. Who knows? Proceed with caution is all I’m saying.

9. DRESSCODE: Everything on fleek!
American Honey Creatives-06
i.) Get your face beat by one of those makeup artistes that charge N10,000 and above
ii.) You had better be on team natural, cos that’s the only acceptable excuse these days for not having Mongolian and Hungarian hair on.
iii.) If you don’t have Christian Louboutin shoes, go and borrow or STEAL IT!!
iv.) Cleavage, arms and legs on display! That’s a clear idea of the kind of outfit to wear.

10. For Men
Dress in the Lagos Party School uniform – White on white trads (Buba and sokoto) with crested loafers, hold on to your glass of American Honey whiskey and you are Bae in the eyes of Lagos girls like me.
Now, don’t forget to smile, be courteous and send bottles to the ladies’ table before coming to say hi. It works like magic! *wink*

Have fun guys!!!
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15 Comments

  1. Weezy

    May 21, 2016 at 12:04 am

    “Baes”

    I tire for dis word. 🙁

  2. tols

    May 21, 2016 at 3:30 am

    lmao. so funny.

  3. ray

    May 21, 2016 at 7:07 am

    Quite interesting buh always knew tht of vex money..Very important

  4. Bode Usuv

    May 21, 2016 at 8:50 am

    Interesting! However the party you talked about seems exclusive to the bow and ties ones, or the red carpet sort. I contend that Owambes are more regular in terms of occurrence and accessibility.
    Oya pen another interesting one for Owambe parties. I will help with a little head start:
    1. Be best friends with your tailor or you will experience various sorts of heart attack in the days leading to the event
    2. Surround yourself with cut-out prints for aso-ebi bella constantly, party or no party…incase you need a quick inspiration
    3. Leave the house early or late…both have their pros and cons, depending on your groove.

    Oya continue…

  5. Bode Usuv

    May 21, 2016 at 8:52 am

    *from aso-ebi bella…

  6. Sunmonu

    May 21, 2016 at 8:57 am

    This article is laced with superficial and it’s a bit “somehow” (I’m trying to be nice here).

    From the beginning with your “I have had to ditch comfort and reinforce myself with waist trainers, Spanx, body magic,etc. because like it or not, the struggle is real.”

    There are so many ways to hook a man that don’t involve looking like a constipated Kardashian. Secondly, men are not that superficial. Not everyone in Lagos is a packaging person looking for love or sex when they go out. Perhaps “how to find love in Lagos” would be a better title?

    • Sara

      May 21, 2016 at 12:07 pm

      Calm down…it’s a sponsored article
      Stop unnecessarily getting your knickers in twist

    • na wa

      May 21, 2016 at 1:13 pm

      does that make it less superficial? Its a depcition of Lagos nightlife, Lagos men and women, and a Lagos party, so that still makes it superficial. Instead of you guys to take your criticism, youll be forming clapback. Abeg abeg

    • zinny

      May 21, 2016 at 1:17 pm

      nothing unnecessary about the vex here o. It’s actually somehow. It’s not a typical or funny depiction of Lagos women as struggling to get bae and doing that by wearing spanx and waist trainer. Or fighting for Louboutins. Or Sara is that how you are?

    • Laila

      May 21, 2016 at 1:15 pm

      @Sunmonu, you sound desperately in need of some American Honey. Lighten up for pete’s sake.

    • Nahum

      May 21, 2016 at 2:50 pm

      It is very superficial

  7. Omodolapo

    May 21, 2016 at 11:36 am

    Niceeeee

  8. Tayo

    May 21, 2016 at 12:50 pm

    Really nice.
    You forgot to say improvise for the Louboutin shoes. Lolz.

    • Oversabi

      May 21, 2016 at 2:18 pm

      How? By spray painting the soles of your shoes? Chai my people. If we applied our inventive spirits well we will be a nation of 10 million trillionaires. And yes @summonu, Iwas struck with unbelief when I read the parts about desperation, not going out with a presumed prettier friends, etc. How to determine that I don’t know. More over beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and guys really approach women in clubs with one initial intent- sex. So I’d he is approaching you he may be looking at the goods and not the face alone. Some women may not be pretty but are packing a bad ass figure 8 and legs for days. Anyway, I clearly won’t fit. I go to party’s because I know the host, a friend of the host invited me or I wanted to have fun with friends and we went clubbing. Never went out expecting a pick up.

  9. bird

    May 21, 2016 at 1:09 pm

    Man these sponsored posts are getting good at weaving blogging and ads seamlessly.

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