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What Would You do if The Bride asked You to Contribute to her Expensive Wedding Dress?

BellaNaija Weddings

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dreamstime_l_24000844That was the dilemma some bridesmaids found themselves in.

British bride Carol was recently featured on The Sun newspaper for behaving like a “bridezilla” by asking for financial assistance from her bridesmaids towards the wedding dress of her dreams. The bride had exceeded her budget and needed a little help for that big wedding item, which was costing her £5,300 in total.

The bride emailed her friends saying:

It was ‘totally fine if you can’t’ but she would really love if we could ‘pitch in’ around £76 (about 32,ooo naira) each towards her ‘dream dress’. That it’d mean so very much to her and would mean that as she walked down the aisle, she’d be wearing something we’d all had a part in.”

Is this an unreasonable suggestion?

Well, this message angered one of her bridesmaids, as throughout the planning stages of Carol’s wedding she had been very demanding, asking for detailed suggestions and more. Feeling as though her role had been misused, the bridesmaid stated:

I’m starting to think I might have to bail on this wedding, and friendship.

So what do you think?

Should Carol buy a dress she can afford? Is there terms and conditions for friends that are asked to be bridesmaids? Is money really the best wedding gift?

Source: The Sun Newspaper | Photo Credit: Dreamstime

52 Comments

  1. olorire

    June 22, 2016 at 3:50 pm

    I am sorry i would not contribute o

    • sista

      June 22, 2016 at 4:37 pm

      …I would help out if the person will be bold enough to call me instead of emailing me.
      As at now, I will contribute to 2 of my friends’, the rest will be loans else I keep my money.

    • sista

      June 22, 2016 at 4:38 pm

      …I would help out if the person will be bold enough to call me instead of emailing me. I prefer oral communication in situations like this.
      As at now, I will contribute to 2 of my friends’, the rest will be loans else I keep my money.

    • nwa nna

      June 22, 2016 at 8:18 pm

      My simple answer, we are going to cut our coat & wedding gown according to our wallet size.. Nothing to debate, end of story!

  2. mz_daniels

    June 22, 2016 at 3:53 pm

    Hmmm, that’s how a babe I know is disturbing her friends to buy aso-ebi to support her.

    And the funny thing is if as a single sister you say no, you’ll be termed jealous.

    Abeg, wear what you can afford. I’m not paying for anyone’s dress biko

    • Sil

      June 22, 2016 at 4:24 pm

      I don’t care if anyone says I am jealous.

      That’s how one of my friends asked me to be bridesmaid, the same me you don’t call and didn’t care to help when I needed it and will stop picking my calls, biko…everyone should park well,

    • DoroAnon

      June 22, 2016 at 6:40 pm

      Hey Sil?why did u steal my boyfriend’s name that name is his name his alone.From a jealous girlfriend?

    • TOSIN

      July 4, 2016 at 1:05 pm

      EXACTLY MY DEAR….SUCH MENTALITY TO THINK ONE IS JEALOUS WHEN U TRYING TO MANAGE YOUR POCKET,NA BY FORCE TO DO EXTRAVAGANT ????? HIAN.

  3. Naijatalk

    June 22, 2016 at 3:54 pm

    Depends on the situation. Certainly will not contribute if the dress is outrageously expensive and there are less expensive beautiful options.

  4. Teni

    June 22, 2016 at 3:54 pm

    Hell no. She should get the dress she can afford and not use her friends. It would have been different if the only thing she wanted from them was help with her dress but she also expected them to ” fork out £280 for their outfits, the accommodation for the wedding, the hen’s party, bridal shower and three spa days.

    • Anonymous

      July 3, 2016 at 3:29 am

      Lord have mercy!

  5. sisi eko

    June 22, 2016 at 3:57 pm

    You want to abandon your friend bcos of 76 pounds!
    All this oyinbo people sef their own is too much abeg!, here in Naija people sometimes sponsor entire weddings……what is dress?
    Please if I have the means I would gladly buy her dress and shoe for her.

    • Beat

      June 22, 2016 at 8:29 pm

      @ Sisi eko, Everybody is different. If she can’t manage her budget for her wedding, how would she manage her finance when she is well settled down? Is it a must to wear expensive dress? The people that sponsoo an entire wedding has got the money to do, but this are normal people like the bride.
      As someone stated up there, the bridemaids still have their own expenses including planning a bridal shower and presenting the couple with their choosing gift. She should cut her wedding expenses according to her REAL budget and stop begging her friends or she can ask her immediate family (If she’s still close to them) to help out.
      What next is she going to ask her friends to contribute towards? Honeymoon? Moving cost? (If they are not already living together)? If I am one of her freinds and I decline to offfer any money and she took it wrongly, I will cut her off completely.

  6. Honeycrown

    June 22, 2016 at 3:58 pm

    Na wa o! Is it by compulsory to wear that particular wedding gown ni? She should go and rent a gown or postpone the wedding till she can afford it.

  7. ATL's finest

    June 22, 2016 at 4:04 pm

    ?????? lmao. This title of this article alone got me cracked up. Like seriously? Why will I do that? It doesn’t make any sense & doesn’t sound right in my ears. Been a bridesmaid these days cost so freaking much, let alone extra expenses.
    I just think that’s something no bride should ask for. Ask me for a flower vase, a table cloth contribution ok.

  8. Mizzy

    June 22, 2016 at 4:04 pm

    I would ignore dt friend.. Its common sense to wear what your pocket can afford

  9. Engoz

    June 22, 2016 at 4:07 pm

    Lol. This wedding thing has surely gotten out of hand. I can never get it!??? It makes for good entertainment though.?

  10. Fashionista

    June 22, 2016 at 4:07 pm

    O Y O men!! You best be buying a dress you can afford!

  11. Tobby Francis

    June 22, 2016 at 4:32 pm

    Cut coat according to your material o
    Everyone mustn’t wear Vera wang. Contribute faya when no be ajo….. Have a budget and work with it simple

    • "changing moniker"

      June 22, 2016 at 5:39 pm

      This is definitely my Tobi.
      Is this your first time here? i havent seen any comments of yours before.

    • Tobby Francis

      June 22, 2016 at 11:33 pm

      @changing moniker
      Nope
      Most times Na waka pass level I Dey as e be say Bella naija Dey
      Delete my comments most of the time so I Dey hardly comment.

  12. whocares

    June 22, 2016 at 4:36 pm

    looool. After she sends me that text or calls me, the next time she tries to contact me, all she will see or hear is : “the number you are trying to contact is not available”.. I dont need those types of people in my life biko. loool. I didnt even read the article, just the title. lool.

  13. dysfunctionalgidgeh! The Original!

    June 22, 2016 at 4:43 pm

    CONTRIBUTE KWAA??????????????????????????? I know my friends and my friends know me.

  14. shior

    June 22, 2016 at 4:46 pm

    buy your dress YOUR damn SELF. All these bridzillas that wont contribute to you being a bridesmaid and then now act like they are doing you a favor kmt who bridesmaid epp?

    you will buy bridesmaid dress for £150, buy aso ebi and gele for engagement £75 (something they probably bought £45) from liverpool street . if you are lucky they give you free, you pay for shoe and bag(colour coordination), pay for your make up( make up artist will use your face to learn and you will be looking like a clown because they always over do it ) , if you are lucky they pay for you. Hair nko? they will tell you to do a certain style which they wont contribute for that one will be like £50 then some brides will want you to travel to another country that you will PAY for by yourself oh,
    THEN you will now sew the asoebi for both engagement and white wedding(if they decide to have asoebi for that) £75 each (£50 max) some bridemaids reluctantly do it hoping they will meet prince charming on the train YIMU. my sistuhs it is all a scam lol as a friend i will contribute in ways i can. abeg i no wan vex pass this one no more bridemaid brouhaha for me its too much hassle and butting of heads on top my own money. i will respectfully decline to be a bridesmaid ( which i have done )

    In conclusion -PAY FOR YOUR DRESS

  15. Oppy

    June 22, 2016 at 4:56 pm

    I definitely will support my friend if it’s someone I really care about, like a true friend and I know I can afford it. It’s the least I can do. I treat my very close friends like my sister and I can’t afford to see my sister sad when I know I can help. I know what it means to see a dress and you suddenly fall in love with it, only for you to realise it’s way out of your budget. A dress is a very important part of the wedding for the bride.
    I certainly would love to see my friend in the most gorgeous dress ever. So I’m so gonna support my friend!

    • slice

      June 22, 2016 at 5:09 pm

      I’ve supported like this already. I might feel somehow about the request if I feel she’s a little over the top with too many requests but a singular request to help her get the dress of her dreams by contributing $150, I find that to be ok to me. If I followed her for the fitting , I probably wld offrr before she asked. Its one day. She likes the drwss I say why not

    • DoroAnon

      June 22, 2016 at 6:45 pm

      kontinu treating friend like sister.they have not show you pepper before

    • slice

      June 22, 2016 at 10:03 pm

      After decades of knowing some people, I can assure you that like the bible says there is indeed a friend that sticker closer than a brother proverbs 18:24. And he wasn’t talking about Jesus. Think of David and his pal jona. Dude stood with him when his father was against him. Dont let me start preaching lol

  16. nunulicious

    June 22, 2016 at 5:06 pm

    Friends are different from acquaintances, neighbours and colleagues. I think bridesmaids should be your FRIENDS. Friendship sees you through thick and thin. Need I say more?

    • Saywhat

      June 22, 2016 at 5:27 pm

      Not unecessary thick and thin @nunulicious this is just a uncalled for thick and thin, there are affordables dresses out there, meaningful thick and thins are financial assistance for rent maybe, life emergencies etc not things that there are quick plan B for, plan B like choosing a less pricey dress in a second

    • Iris

      June 22, 2016 at 7:51 pm

      Any friend who asks you to contribute to buying her dress (as opposed to you persisently offering to pay) is suspect. Nonsense. Am I the one marrying you? Then you will wear the dress I bought under duress and go and do ‘for better for worse’ with another person. Abeg fade fast. Thank God I have normal friends. Ogini?!

  17. Mz Socially Awkward...

    June 22, 2016 at 5:46 pm

    Is that any different from asking guests/well-wishers to contribute to the couple’s honeymoon? My reason for asking is because I see that happening more often these days … my most recent request was received from a girl we used to work with, who sent us a gift list in her IV stating that since the couple already owned their home furnished to their taste (they’d lived together for a while before the wedding), they would like some assistance with buying clothes for their mini-moon or else we could contribute directly towards the honeymoon (apparently, it’s a new thing now, taking a “mini-moon” as an abbreviated version of your honeymoon and using it as a stop-gap if you don’t have the time or funds to enjoy the actual honeymoon immediately after the wedding). And the babe sent us direct links to the high street shop she wanted us to shop at, it wasn’t a small sumtin.

    Anyway, we all used side-eye to look upon the matter and made a unanimous decision to get them John Lewis vouchers they could use as they pleased. I think it’s perfectly within the couple’s right to ask for certain gifts specific to their actual needs but asking us to buy your clothes … will that eventually lead to a place where couples ask people to contribute towards the rings? I think there should be boundaries set on requests as calculating your wedding expenditure shouldn’t be based on how much input you’re expecting from guests or the bridal party. Guests want to do something for your big day but they want it to be a special memento which lasts, not a pair of beach shorts from River Island that you’ll give to charity shortly after you get back from the mini-moon…

    • Tincan

      June 23, 2016 at 10:47 am

      What at? That’s just ridiculous. Why not ask just for monetary contributions since that has become somewhat socially acceptable? That’s just silly. Lol @ getting him JL vouchers.

    • Tincan

      June 23, 2016 at 10:48 am

      *whaaaat, them*

    • DAIZY

      June 23, 2016 at 1:42 pm

      @mz socially awkward i must say you guys really tried… there is nothing we won’t hear in this world in the name of wedding and trends… which one is ‘minimoon’ again ? and it is diffenrent from ‘honeymoon’ lobatan . who mini-moon epp? oshisko.

    • Ajala & Foodie

      June 23, 2016 at 3:31 pm

      @ Mz SA, I personally don’t see anything wrong with asking for “gifts” or contributions towards travel. It is like a wedding registry in fact there are sites that offer that option. I was at a wedding last summer and everything on their registry were contributions towards a future house, honeymoon, wine tasting. I would rather invest in people that way as opposed to buying them a pressure cooker they will never use. In retrospect, I wish I had done that, I got freezers and fridge with some 555 cups I have never and will probably never use. if wedding registries are acceptable, which is really all about people telling you what they want/need, I don’t see anything wrong in asking for an experience (instead of things) you need/want. It is totally different from this lady’s situation because that is all the gift that is expected and contributions as little as $10 were accepted and appreciated. It is also not about living beyond your means as in this case but about directing people to an area of need/want as in instead of people wasting their money buying dishes and vacuum cleaners I already have, why not give us that $50 or £100 so I can put towards a trip I am yet to pay for, that way saving me $ and saving you time. You guys still bought them a gift card , I doubt it would have cost you guys or they would have expected anymore if you had instead giving them the same amount towards their honeymoon. I know people always say that with gift giving, “it is the thought that counts” While I agree with this, I have however come to realize a gift that meets a need is not only more heartfelt it also more memorable and impactful. I hope my whole spill makes sense.
      On another note, BN, what is going on with all these glitches? the reply button is still not working.

  18. @edDREAMZ

    June 22, 2016 at 6:17 pm

    a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said…
    .
    If you are my frnd then i can but if not but just an ordinary bridesmaid i wont abeg…..
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

  19. bumble bee

    June 22, 2016 at 6:33 pm

    Whether you are my friend or my acquaintance I won’t contribute a dime!!! And if you are my close friend I will not hesitate to call you out on this bullshit, i’ll tell you to buy what you can afford and stop embarrassing yourself cos whether you admit it or not.. this is embarrassing.. haba!!! Your bridesmaids should contribute to your wedding dress.. onto Wetin? when most of us won’t even buy but rent one.. we should buy for someone else.. because we are friends.. even expensive bridesmaid’s dresses pisses me off!! Like why would u want someone to spend more than 10k on somethin they won’t wear again.. some sef will go and look for 35k tailors to sew their bridesmaid’s dresses and if you complain.. you are a bad friend.. sistah no I’m not a bad friend, i’m a wise friend who knows the value of dropping money on reasonable things not something I would never wear again..

    • Mama

      June 23, 2016 at 7:18 am

      This sure is funny. This one is a want not a need. People no longer have shame oh! Gone are the days when it was embarrassing to ask other people for money. What happened to living within your means. Any friend waiting for me to contribute funds for a “frivolous dress” is wasting her time. Reminds me of one guy in my university those days that walks up to other students requesting for money to buy a drink with his lunch; even though he can clearly see you eating your own lunch with pure water…lol.

  20. Xtybankx

    June 22, 2016 at 6:45 pm

    It depends on the relationship we share, if she’s that close there’s no harm in helping, so far I’ve got the money to help….. It’s just seeing another person so happy, which would also make me happy

  21. Geraldine

    June 22, 2016 at 7:45 pm

    People want to have the perfect wedding but hardly plan for the perfect marriage.

    • DAIZY

      June 23, 2016 at 1:08 pm

      Very True……

  22. Iris

    June 22, 2016 at 7:53 pm

    Sure…but she’s not getting a shower, I will not be on the train, and I will not be buying her a gift…and please note that the money for this dress will not be from my heart. Mtchew.

  23. Bestie

    June 22, 2016 at 8:35 pm

    I have contributed before and i would do it again for the right person. I have gone dress shopping with a friend before, we were in a group of seven girls, a la Say Yes to the Dress and we had spent quite a considerable amount of time looking for a dress and nothing really did it for her, until the consultant brought out one dress and told her from the start that it is over her budget but it is different from anything she had tried on in the store. She came out of the changing room and there wasn’t a single dry eye in sight, including the bride. She was incredibly beautiful. This is someone who has struggled with self esteem issues since she was a child. Lots of family drama behind that. To see her see herself as beautiful, something we have always told her she was including husband to be. She didn’t even have to ask. We all brought out money and contributed. We raised over 1500 dollars between the 6 of us and she looked even more beautiful on her wedding day. For a friend yes i would do it. If i saw that she really wanted and deserved that dress. Asking in an email is a no no. We all still paid for our bridesmaids dresses, gave her a shower and bought her a gift. That’s what friends do for other friends. If you have been a bridezilla making demands on other people’s time and money, then just respect yourself and stay within your budget

    • nwanyi na aga aga

      June 23, 2016 at 1:54 pm

      See Bestie this your story is different from the one bella is telling, the premise was different, in that situation I will contribute as the bride did not go all out to buy something she couldnt afford. She wore the dress on the spot it looked beautiful it touched my heart if I have funds I will support her. Not someone sending me a mail to support her on an outrageous purchase that she has carefully estimated and seen that she can not afford, and also has ample time to make other better choices within her reach yet decides to task me.O di egwu, such a bride friend has not been born, you dare not tell me that!

  24. Chineze

    June 22, 2016 at 8:57 pm

    I don’t think any friend will include me when they are making such a request, cos they know I will not contribute and I would never make such a request…. there are so many beautiful dresses…it’s confusing when you re shopping for a dress…

  25. DAME

    June 23, 2016 at 9:38 am

    Family is different from friend ooooo…i know i have some closer than blood friends true that…but do not ask me to contribute to your dress pls..i can willingly pay for drinks or chops or souvenir but any other thing like contributing to the honey-moon (like chei wheres ur dignity) or dress or shoe is very tacky and i would let you know u r just plain greedy.

  26. Ajala & Foodie

    June 23, 2016 at 3:37 pm

    BN, I am not certain if my response to Mz SA’s comment came through but I have been having problems commenting and responding to comments on the page since yesterday. Not sure what’s going on. I understand thereva few issues I believe the team is striving to resolve but I just wanted to bring this to somebody’s attention. I think my comments just disappear as it does not show “awaiting moderation” like before.

    • Ajala & Foodie

      June 23, 2016 at 3:39 pm

      Oops my bad!!! I guess all my comments are just showing up. I guess it is skipping the moderation step now.

  27. Precious Diamond

    June 25, 2016 at 10:04 am

    I just think it’s her wedding, there is nothing there to her make smile, planning a wedding can be a little bit stressful, you know your friend normally is not demanding then you should help her put a smile on her face.. What are friends for??

  28. Ktemi

    June 25, 2016 at 10:40 pm

    I think it really depends on the situation. Everything in life is about wisdom n balance.
    Weddings r special esp to us girls but I really think a lot of girls do not consider their bridesmaids n expect so much financially from them. Pls rem it’s your wedding it not theirs and consider everyone’s situation. Obviously, if u have all got high-paying jobs, no problems

    For the lady in Q, if she has been quite demanding (& does sound like it), I’ll have to draw the boundary as I cannot for the bill for u keeping up with the trends
    However, if she had been quite reasonable, I’ll still try n discuss other options with her including renting d dress as I find £5k is a lot to pay for a dress. But if it’s a case she had tried many others n not found it, n no other suitable option n she isn’t chasing label & I can afford it, then I will contribute

  29. Gigi

    July 26, 2016 at 10:45 pm

    what rubbish! the girl is not even ready for marriage. no basic understanding of resource management.! she should have started saving for her dress like a decade ago, or gone to a bank for loan. its already bad enough that bridesmaids have to make sacrifices for their wedding friends. you don’t know what they’re going through, you’ll now come and be making silly requests. she should have asked her parents, or parents in law for the money, let them school her.

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