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Wife’s higher income does not affect our relationship, some FCT men say

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Foto.com - More Downloads-1A cross section of married men in the Federal Capital Territory (FCT) on Thursday said their wives’ higher income had nothing to do with their marital relationship.

The men told the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) in separate interviews in Abuja that the issues of income earning and marriage were two different things on different platforms.

Danjuma Wheynom, a civil servant, said there was nothing wrong if a wife earned more income than husband, “because most of the money will eventually be used for the home and children.”

“Even though my wife earns more than me from her poultry business, which is more than my monthly salary, it does not in any way affect our relationship; our love and respect for one another still remains.”

Wheynom added that in spite of the wife’s income, he still foot the bills of the house without neglecting any for her.

He said that “the mistake most men make when their wives earn more money than them is that they abandon the responsibilities of the house to the woman. And some shamelessly even beg her for money, using the excuse that she earns more.”

He, therefore, stressed the need for men to take up their responsibilities in the home and also show affection and respect to their wives so as to make the women to realise that men appreciate their efforts in order to avoid problems in the home.

Similarly, Adegoke Sunday, a worker in a private organisation, said his wife’s catering services business fetched the family more money than his own monthly income.

Sunday said even though he gave the wife the capital to acquire more culinary skills for the business, as well as the resources to purchase the equipment to start, it had not affected their marital relationship now that she earned more than him.

He said “my wife owns and operates the business and it fetches us so much money.

“It has helped us to build our own house, sponsor two of our children to school abroad, as well as provided so much for us that my salary cannot afford.

“Despite all these, our marital life is still blissful; we have so much respect for one another and I do not take it for granted.”

Sunday, therefore, stressed the need for men to support their wives’ business ideas, as the profits would be beneficial to the home and not the wife alone.

He added that “I even help my wife to collect some of the foodstuff from her customers when she has a contract or even to help her deliver it at the venue of the occasion.

“This, however, has not changed the fact that I am still the man; I am the head of the house and the husband.”

However, Ignatius Nwobi, a petty trader in Kpaduma village, Asokoro extention, Abuja, said he
would not marry a woman who earned more income than him “because she will not respect me and will dominate the home.

“Some women are naturally domineering. I can’t imagine marrying someone that earns more money than me because she will want to make all the decisions in the house and might even disrespect me.”

Nwobi said some women might even flaunt it among their friends and relatives that they earned more money than the husband.

Also, Haruna Sani, a small-scale business man, said

“a woman that earns more money than her husband can bring suspicion of extramarital affairs and other marital problems to the home.

“The fact is that there will always be this nagging suspicion that one’s wife is having an affair outside if she earns more money than the husband.

“In my opinion, it is the responsibility of the man to provide for the home, as stated in the our holy books, but if it is the other way round, the man will always feel cheated or betrayed.”

Meanwhile, Grace Albarka, a religious leader, said earning more income than one’s spouse
should not in any way change the nature of the relationship between couples.

According to her, the issue of income earning should not be an issue in the home.

She added that, “even though finance is a very important aspect in the home, it shouldn’t be the focus.

“The focus of every home should be on how to build a God-fearing family and the focus should be on the word of God, love, respect, understanding and tolerance.”

Photo Credit: foto.com.ng | Nsoedo Frank

The News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) was established by the Federal Government of Nigeria in May 1976 to gather and distribute news on Nigeria and cover events of interest to Nigeria at the international level for the benefit of the Nigerian Media and the Public.

25 Comments

  1. EC

    November 18, 2016 at 7:49 am

    at this point i know a number of women making more than their husbands. by the time you peep the condition of the economy and know the kids have to survive. you will forget all type of old thinking and know that every extra bit counts

    • Marlvina

      November 19, 2016 at 12:29 am

      Apart from the state of the economy, men generally should be proud having wives that strive hard to be successful in business or attaining certain skills granting them higher job prospects that eventually pays off well, far above their husbands. Yes?? Do men really admire women who are so dependent on them for finance? I doubt that. Rather than creating an issue on this in marriage, praise such women for standing up too for the family financially. Isn’t that what Prov 31 says about a virtuous woman? It’s only a man who’s so egocentric or not learned that wld see this as a weakness on his part. And wives shld also not get carried away and disregard their husband’s. He’s still the head and in charge of the family even if his pocket says otherwise. For better, for worse innit?

  2. Marian

    November 18, 2016 at 8:33 am

    Yup, it’s all for a common good. Understanding and good communication will solve a lot of marital issues. I think it’s best to talk about roles and responsibilities in marriage prior to getting married.
    It’s going to be a little challenging i think for a guy who was raised in a home where the dad worked and paid all the bills and the mom was a stay at home mom to become the husband who accepts a working wife who makes more than him and may have to contribute to paying bills. If that guy marries a lady who was raised by a working mom or maybe a single working mom, the norm for her is going to be a little different.

    That’s why i always advocate for a good premarital counseling or going through the book 101 questions to ask before get engaged to talk about different roles in marriage and know where both parties stand before walking down the aisle to avoid stories that touch after the wedding.

    To the guy who talked about cheating, i’m just like really bro? You should be able to write a six page paper on how your spouse is making money. Talking is there for a reason. Some people are shady sha so if the work and income no match ask more questions.

  3. OJ

    November 18, 2016 at 9:30 am

    At least some women dey try to contribute from thier own income to the home and not leaving all the responsibilities to the man, claiming that as the man or head of the house, he must bear all the financial burden , his money is their money and her money is for her alone. A lot of women still reason this way in this day and age

    A friend of mine that just got married earns 300k a month, he pays for the flat, he furnished and still furnishing the flat, feeding is him, gas, fuel, bills upon bills is on him and still buys gifts for wifey regularly

    wifey earns 150k a month, uses 75k on herself, keeps 75k to her personal acct. hubby wants to give her 30k extra a month for herself, wifey says the money is too small and rejects it

    ok hubby says lets have a joint acct where we contribute portions of our income then to run the home and plan for the future, wifey replies, ”its your responsibility to provide for the home and cater for her needs as the man and u even earn more than me”

    i then asked myself, what does wifey do with her own money? when the children start coming in, how will he cope with this kind of entitled attitude? unfortunately a lot our ladies are like this before and afta marraige!!!

    • Nuna

      November 18, 2016 at 10:52 am

      That’s just a terrible woman! Naija is very tough, the woman has to contribute biko

    • Xoxo

      November 18, 2016 at 10:58 am

      What rubbish. What type of woman is that? She’s very selfish. That’s the word. To contribute to your children’s future is a problem. I hate it when people have this my money is my money syndrome in marriage. It’s really terrible. What is wrong in dropping a portion of your salary to help your husband? The way some of us are wired tho

    • Iris

      November 18, 2016 at 2:10 pm

      Your friend has entered one chance.

    • Teju TJ

      November 18, 2016 at 2:15 pm

      That is a very terrible woman. How does she sleep at night. That is so selfish. I feel bad for the man. I hate when women do this. How is it another grown man’s responsibility to take care of your entire needs. If you did not marry, will you be homeless?

    • Mama

      November 18, 2016 at 2:46 pm

      Such men deserve the women they get. So what were they discussing while dating?

    • LemmeRant

      November 18, 2016 at 6:53 pm

      If I say I wasn’t expecting a response like this, i’d be lying.

    • ogeAdiro

      November 18, 2016 at 4:00 pm

      Yet to jam the girl who will open her mouth in serious conversation to spit such hogwash-in my Igbotic Britico accent. All this relationship nonsense happens because people don’t stamp out bullshit the second it rears its ugly head. Many guys really need to learn how to deal with women. All this macho man thing na rubbish. Just be very straight with these women. You either get with the program or vamoose. Goes both ways actually.

  4. Jules

    November 18, 2016 at 9:41 am

    When I started earning more than my husband, I have to be more submissive and bring my head a little bit down. I love my husband and I want peace in my home

    • WarriChic

      November 18, 2016 at 6:21 pm

      Why must women always shrink themselves to please men… Are these grown azz men really that insecure? It makes no sense, especially in a marriage where the kids too will benefit from the extra money coming in.
      The unfortunate fact is that at the end of the day, whether you shrink yourself or make your success invisible sef, a man that wants to stray will still stray.
      We need to raise the next generation of boys to be better.

    • LemmeRant

      November 18, 2016 at 6:53 pm

      Issit your shrinking?

  5. Flexe

    November 18, 2016 at 10:48 am

    Ignatius, who shattered your ego and Haruna, suspicion of extra marital affair because I earn more money than my husband? REALLY!!!!
    I hereby send you back in time to the era where you belong….neanderthal man.

  6. hadiza

    November 18, 2016 at 11:01 am

    @Jules, u are very foolish. So because u earn more u have to lie on the floor for him to walk all over u to prove your submissiveness abi?? oni wèré. I don’t blame u. Any man that has a problem with his wife earning more is an insecure fool. Men and women ought to contribute equally to the home, it’s not just a Man’s burden. It’s archaic women that reason that way. You preach all that submissive crap as if he respects u at all. He will still cheat and abuse u even if u turn to a door mat.

    • B.E

      November 18, 2016 at 12:17 pm

      Hadiza your comment is extremely unnecessary considering she was stating what she does and was not advising others.

      Isn’t she entitled to speak?

    • AceOfSpades

      November 18, 2016 at 12:20 pm

      Hadiza had finally got a suitor. Somebody say Hallelujah

    • EE

      November 18, 2016 at 1:44 pm

      Serious???? Ahh lose hope, even madman no been chuck eye where she dey.

  7. Fast cars

    November 18, 2016 at 12:10 pm

    This is one of the reasons a lot of Nigerians claim they can never be feminist. They don’t want to share their money. Always rubbing their men’s ego and patronising them. They can never grasp the notion of 50-50 when it comes to their finances

  8. Veteran

    November 18, 2016 at 12:15 pm

    As someone that has found herself earning more , earning less and earning nothing at one point or the other in marriage , the truth is the sweet spot for ME is earning less or the same give or take some thousands . I don’t do too well with earning nothing (when I was in school) and with earning more like way more almost double just never felt right , he went back to school with my support and now he earns a little more than me (I work a little less since having kids) I find that this works for both of us VERY well. A set amout of my money goes to our savings , the rest I use to shop for me, him, the house and the kids .. He pays the bills , some left goes to savings. I have some time for my kids as well which has always been very important to me. If we really need a big item eg car, then all hands on deck . This has worked out for us very well. We RARELY fight about money since this started, everyone is happy and fulfilled. Find both your sweet spots and walk towards making it a reality. You simply need to talk and find a middle ground. A woman who wants to stay at home and a husband who wants his wife to stay at home and he brings in the money will be a perfect match , there will be no resentments. If life happens and I find myself earning way more again then it’s back to the drawing board with my encouragement and support.

  9. AceOfSpades

    November 18, 2016 at 12:21 pm

    Has*

  10. Anon

    November 18, 2016 at 2:08 pm

    Lool when the woman earning more bends over backwards TWICE, gives him her promotion car, whatever chunk of her salary he demands, and even pretends like he’s the one earning more so his in laws can keep insulting her “in their brothers house”. Of course they won’t mind

  11. ejiro

    November 18, 2016 at 4:19 pm

    yup, while reading the article, you can tell it pays to be an educated man. only the petty traders had negative comments.
    my mom earned more than my dad thru her catering business and she became the head of the family.. note, this was not because she provided financially.. my dad was an absentee father… he stopped providing for us and her and would spend his money on God knows what..

  12. Obi

    November 22, 2016 at 12:04 pm

    Ahn ahn..This Catering business sha..lol..be like man’s go open restaurant on the side o…lol..Anyways these things shouldn’t be hard for educated couples, plan plan and plan all through . 2 would always be greater than 1.

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