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Cisi Eze: Journal from Hypocrisy-Ville

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(Authors note: I’m dazed at how people espouse conflicting values. All that cognitive dissonance! In public, they are white, but dans la boudoir, they are black. Often times, I wonder how their minds work. This is an attempt to step into the mind of a hypocrite.) 

September 18th, 2016

Dear Diary,

As in, eh, I am so pissed right now!

There is this doctor in my office that is an atheist. Like what the fuck! Okay, no swear words. It is sinful. ARGH! I am so pissed right now!

These atheists are everywhere. They have an agenda. They want everyone to become like them. End Time things.

The way the girl was just talking was annoying. We used to be friends in a way, but now that I know where she stands, I am sorry we can’t be friends anymore. She is an unbeliever and I can’t be friends with such. How will she get married at 32 when she is an atheist? 32 and unmarried? Who does that?

I would have tried to preach to her, but I can’t waste my energy on her likes. Christianity is a way of life. And as her way of life is different from mine, there is no need continuing our friendship. She was just talking about “choice.” Choice my left foot!
**

September 22nd, 2016

Dear Diary,

Ope has now decided to ignore my calls for the whole of today. Why are guys like this? I think I should go over to his place tomorrow. I get to spend the night over at his place.

Ever since I mentioned the topic of marriage last two weeks, he has been acting distant and weird towards me. He makes it look as if I said something creepy. Lol! Why are guys like this though? Like seriously? What did he think was our reason for being in a relationship? Abeg, I’m not getting any younger. January will come and I will be 29. What haven’t I done for him to realise we are perfect together.

I wish I could just buy that ring and propose to him. But then again, is that not what those feminists like? Those women just want men to serve them.  They want to be like men. They don’t understand women can never be equal to men. Don’t mind them! They are all lesbians! They have forgotten God made Adam before Eve. Their hell fire is so hot, ehn!

Have you seen all the evil things they put up online? That was how one was advocating for abortion! Eww! How do you kill a gift of God? And the girl ended it with, “women should have bodily autonomy.” What does that even mean? Iranu!

***

September 24th, 2016

Dear Diary,

I feel great! Sex with Ope is always great. He knows how to handle me! I just have to get married to this guy, abeg. I know he has his shortcomings, but I am not perfect myself. He knows what to do, how to do what to do… I am blessed.

Anyway, Ope has promised we would get married next year. This 2016 is a fucked up year. Many strange things are happening. Imagine a woman trying to run for presidency in the US. The God I serve will not allow it. I know He will not. Trump will come out victorious. Online people will start talking about how he is hateful and all. He is doing what is best for America.

That was how one homosexual was writing on Facebook, talking about how Trump is riding on the waves of hate. These homosexuals and lesbians are everywhere, They want to make people to be like them. I wish they can all die! Their sin is making this country not to be great. God said we should go into the world and multiply, but they are stopping the propagation of the human race. Before you know it, one of those agents of Satan would say “not everyone wants biological kids”. Imagine the nonsense! What woman does not want to have biological kids? What woman does not have maternal instincts?

I believe every act against procreation is sinful. Masturbation is sinful. How do people even do that rubbish? Is it not better to have a boyfriend to have sex with? Very disgusting act.

***

October 7th, 2016

Dear Diary,

I am scared, for real. I was meant to see my period three days ago, but it has refused to come. I will sha wait. Maybe I am having irregular kini.

October 20th, 2016

Today is a tough day for me. Sorry that I have not been able to write here for a while. I have been too sad to function well.

I went to get a pregnancy test and it came back positive. I showed Ope and he said we can’t have the child right now. I was sad. This is against what I believe. Abortion is sinful. How do I even begin to …

I can’t have this child out of wedlock. What will the people of the world say about me? The devil is a liar. I think I should ask that atheist doctor to help me out. She is understanding. And she will help out for the sake of our friendship.

***

October 30th, 2016

Dear Diary,

I have asked God for forgiveness over and over. I still feel sad for going against the word of God. But the bible says God is full of mercy and compassion. It was not my fault. It is better to abort than to have a child out of wedlock and not receive communion for a year. It would be somehow sitting down in church when other people are going to the altar to receive. I think I did the best thing.

***

November 5th, 2016

Dear Diary,

I returned from confession and I feel better about myself. That said, I have to talk to Ope. I will not abort another pregnancy. If we must still date, we have to use protection every time. This is something we can avoid. I know he is reasonable and he will agree to this…

P.S. I promise all you have read is real. Real in the sense that I have heard and read these sentences from different people at different times – online and offline. Someone actually told me, “Masturbation is wrong, but it is okay to have sex with someone you are dating”. I kid thee not.

Recently, my close friend told me how someone, who bashed atheists, Nicodemusly came to her for an abortion after bashing everything ungodly. And my friend asked, “How do people sleep with themselves at night knowing they are two-faced?” I wonder the same thing, too. The more judgmental a person is, the more “sinful” he/she is.

There will be more of this “Journal from Hypocrisy-Ville”. I am dragging people, o! People should not denigrate other people as though they are blameless. Most importantly, one of the reasons for Nigeria’s backwardness is that we hold on to redundant values while running to countries that support the opposite of these values. Hypocrisy has to stop!

Photo Credit: Mocker | Dreamstime.com

Cisi Eze is a Lagos-based freelance journalist, writer, comic artist, and graphics designer. She feels strongly about LGBT+ rights, feminism, gender issues, and mental health, and this is expressed through her works on Bella Naija and her blog – Shades of Cisi. Aside these, she has works on Western Post NG, Kalahari Review, Holaafrica, Mounting the Moon, Gender IT, Outcast Magazine, Rustin Times, 14: An Anthology of Queer Art Volume 1 and 2, and Sweet Deluge (Issue 2). Her first book, published by Tamarind Hill Press, UK, is titled “Of Women, Edges, and Parks”. Cisi’s art challenges existing societal norms.

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