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Aunty Bella: Miss. Should I Ask Him to Divorce His Wife?



Aunty Bella is our  agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. 
We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.


I am an avid reader of BellaNaija Blog and am in dire need of some candid advise. I currently live in Ontario and recently met a charming Yoruba man who asked me out. On our first date, he told me he is currently married with three kids back in Abuja but having issues. However, he is NOT divorced.

He said he had been having issues for a year and left Naija for Canada to get a fresh start after marriage crashed. Well I have been going out with this man for 9 months now. I am in love with him, and I’m sure he loves me too. We moved in together and thankfully I am taking appropriate measures so I don’t get pregnant. The issue I have is every time we get into intimacy mode, wifey calls.

It’s always one thing or the other – the kids, money, etc. I am so done with this doubleness, but I am finding hard to leave because I am so attached to this man. I see all the messages with the wife. I hear most of their conversations. I see him struggling with his feelings for her, and I see her reaching out trying to patch things up.

He is quite confused; I can tell. The madam keeps sending him all kinds of love messages, and he responds with just asking how the kids are. Since she doesn’t quite know what he is up to here (with me), she thinks he is just sleeping around and not really attached to any girl, so then she still has a chance with him is what she is thinking – I honestly don’t blame her.

She doesn’t know about me because, he says she will hide his kids from him and tell the whole world he left her for a younger girl if she finds out about me now. But I sure know about her and keep asking him what’s going on with us?

What’s going on with his marriage? How long do I have to wait? I guess my question to BVs now is this: Will he ever divorce? How much time is enough for me to say “enough” and walk away? How much longer should I wait to see if he is ready to take this thing with me to the next level? Am I the one standing between him and making up with his family? (even though he proved he’s been away from wife loooong before he met me). If he divorces, will everyone in Nigeria and his family blame me for the divorce? Am I a side chic? Please what should I do? Should I put my foot down and ask for a divorce? Will I be taking father away from kids?

I am 25 and he is 35. We both have good jobs and happily in Canada. He and his wife are same age.

Photo Credit: Atholpady |


  1. Suky

    April 2, 2017 at 6:53 pm

    My dear please walk away it’s obvious they’re are happily married. I bet he’s planning on bringing her over and just using you for the cold weather.

    • temi

      April 3, 2017 at 1:41 am

      Don’t mind her. Her mumu level na advance iPhone 7 kind. Guy is happily married and just on some work assignment. She is 25 sha, so she can afford a heart break or two with time to recover…

    • Jade Edo babe

      April 3, 2017 at 3:20 pm

      iPhone 7 is smarter abeg.
      Women, stop sticking yourself in wahala ,legs in hot water and be crying he broke your heart later when your leg don burn finish. This man is honest with you about his situation, and you are taking it to unnecessary level. This is not a matter of, you didn’t know. You both are clearly using each other for some gratification right now, leave it as that or run away as fast as you can. This is how you women accuse men of being a Yoruba demon when you sef na jezebel. Wetin you dey do wit a married man and 3 children? So, na this type baggage you wan carry for your life. You wan be another Stephanie abi na mistress Churchill.

      This is how men say I never said I’ll leave my wife, mother of my children. Na today men dey lie, whispering sweet norin. Your pussy is tighter, you are young and the finest babe. They go make your head swell finish just to get some Pussy. If anything he will move on to the next babe before he returns to his wife.
      If you know what’s good for you, do what you know is right because I know your conscience is alive. And if you no get conscience, pray God helps you.

    • Mujer

      April 3, 2017 at 6:40 pm

      You need prayers and a doc’s visit for your mental health. Here is why: 1) He told you he was married but planning an exit. Yet, you tagged along. Preliminary diagnosis – delusion. 2) you see him struggling with his feelings for her when they are on the phone. Yet, you stay onboard. Preliminary diagnosis – Rare case of delusion and self-loathing. 3) You are asking questions like “waht is going on with this marriage” and “when will it end?” Clearly you are uber delusional, believe that there is an acute shortage of men, and you must hate yourself much to subject your life to waiting on someone who is unwilling to dissolve a relationship with his wife. Keep waiting. Why even come here to ask questions you have answers to but you are fighting your answers??

  2. Rose

    April 2, 2017 at 6:54 pm

    Is this a late April fool’s?

    Dear girl, this man is truly having his cake and eating it, s#x on tap, a VERY gullible and naive girl he can swing his lies on and clearly and expert in the art of extra marital affairs.
    Seek God and find a Bible believing church.
    You are young, dump him and find yourself a man who will be yours and yours alone without the overweight baggages. Focus on your studies/work/family/friends and begin to build some self esteem and worth.

    You are unequivocally wasting your prime years on a low down deadweight.

  3. There is God ooo!!!

    April 2, 2017 at 6:56 pm

    I rebuke you in Jesus’ name!!

    What rubbish!

  4. slice

    April 2, 2017 at 7:00 pm

    I don’t agree that he’s using. You are both enjoying the sex and relationship and he has been completely honest. As far as what people will say, just push that to one corner. The major deal here is you have someone who has not fully resolved a prior relationship. That is always dangerous because he can’t be fully with you if he’s not done with her. I think you need to give him some space to figure out his life while you go do the same

  5. Me also in Ontario.

    April 2, 2017 at 7:10 pm

    What God has Joined together, let no man (in your case, a stupid 25 year old girl). Put asunder.

    I’m the same age as you but I’m smart enough to know that what you are doing is wrong, what the heck is wrong with you (if he wants to be with you, he would have divorced his wife to be with you or marry you). The kind Karma that would catch up with all you small girls sleeping with married men…. hmmm.

  6. Adunnie

    April 2, 2017 at 7:13 pm

    I think you should give this man space to sort himself out and figure things out. Like you said he’s very confused. He’s getting attention from you and his wife so he’s confused on if he should follow through with you or mend things with his wife.
    “Am I the one standing between him and making up with his family? (even though he proved he’s been away from wife loooong before he met me)”
    Yes you are. While you may not be the sole reason, you are definitely playing a part. For your own sanity give him space to figure out if he truly wants to divorce his wife. There’s no need insisting on him divorcing her. He needs to make the decision on his own. So that in the long run he won’t say you pressured him into doing it. And yes, you’re a side chic.
    Anyhow you want to look at it you’re dating a married man. They are separated but he is still legally married to his wife. Why are you giving yourself unnecessary heart ache?? You walked into this with your koro koro eyes. You both need to have a serious talk about this issue and give him space to figure things out. You’re 25 and you’re consciously inserting yourself inside drama and disaster.
    Ladies stop believing a man will leave his wife/family for you just because. Leave married men alone. More often than not it never happens. Let him deal with his family and go through with the divorce before you start loving up. All the best to the poster.

    • A Real Nigerian

      April 2, 2017 at 9:06 pm

      For a 2o-year-old, you’re pretty mature, thoughtful and refined.
      Good on you. Keep it going.

    • Bisola

      April 3, 2017 at 8:30 am

      I agree with you Adunnie . Whether intentionally or not, poster is standing in between man and wife.

  7. Esther Akorede

    April 2, 2017 at 7:16 pm

    As soon as he told you he was married, you should have cut him off. You are technically the side chick because he is still married. I would advise you to leave the relationship and move on

  8. nene

    April 2, 2017 at 7:29 pm

    nigerian women when will you lot learn? smfh

  9. AAsh

    April 2, 2017 at 7:30 pm

    Yes…harsh as it might sound, you are a side chic!
    You are just 25, please don’t waste your youthful years with this man that’s just using you to warm his bed. The truth is, he has told you about his family and you are definitely in the way!
    I think you deserve a whole lot more than a guy with baggage (neither single, nor divorced)…please move out and get your ‘self’ back…get involved with activities that will fill up your extra-time!!
    Don’t get it twisted babe…he is a married man.
    I wish you all the best and pray that your own Prince charming comes your way!!!

  10. Oluchy

    April 2, 2017 at 7:31 pm

    Receive sense in Jesus name Amen. Are you really this gullible that you don’t know this man is eating his cake and having it at the same time. You are even coinhibitating with him. Sister, get another place, delete his number,he is not yours abeg no matter the lies he is telling you.

  11. OpenSesame

    April 2, 2017 at 7:36 pm

    Hi dear,

    First well done for articulating your thoughts as you did, that’s brave.

    You need to let him go because he belongs to someone else whether or not the marriage is troubled.

    Secondly unless you cut off the soul ties you’ve formed with him, you won’t be able to stay away for long. Please search YouTube for a lady called Terri Savelle Foy & her message on breaking wrong soul ties. It’ll help you massively.

    You’re young with your whole life ahead of you, you’ll get another but for now you need to value yourself and walk away. You deserve someone who will be yours wholly.

    • P

      April 3, 2017 at 8:56 am

      dear openSesame thank you for not being judgmental and for recommending terri’s videos. it helped me

    • AAsh

      April 3, 2017 at 11:31 am

      Dear P,

      Pardon me for being judgmental in my previous comment. I hope you find the strength to move on and retrace your steps; No doubt, it’s heartbreaking because you think you ‘love’ him, but in the nearest future you will realise that you dodged a bullet by letting go!

      It is well!

  12. Tolu4show

    April 2, 2017 at 7:40 pm

    While reading your story I was trying to guess how old you were so I could know what to tell you. Then I saw at the end that u are 25 years old.
    Listen to me young lady, YOU DO NOT NEED THIS DRAMA IN YOUR LIFE.
    Are you kidding me? Leave that man alone and stop letting him waste your time.
    Someone is having issues in his marriage and he travels to another country for fresh air or what? Do you even know why the marriage is not working out? Again listen to me YOU DO NOT NEED THIS DRAMA IN YOUR LIFE.
    There surely are SINGLE responsible men in Ontario . I hope you do the right thing because at 25 you know the right thing to do but I guess you really need to hear someone else tell you. E-hugs darling, you would be alright.

  13. Rainbow

    April 2, 2017 at 7:42 pm

    It is obvious that you’re both using each other for sex. But he is definitely wasting your time. I think you should just call it quit before you deep your neck further in the relationship. You guys shouldn’t have moved in together if you’re having this doubt in the first place, but it’s never too late for one of you to move out and you both move on.

  14. Madman

    April 2, 2017 at 7:52 pm

    Enjoy the sex. He will never leave his wife for you.

  15. john

    April 2, 2017 at 8:12 pm

    blockbuster article..comments go soon reach 100 .. na this kibd article womwn dey wahalla

    • crystaldrop

      April 2, 2017 at 8:38 pm

      Its “women”.You”re welcome.

  16. Ola

    April 2, 2017 at 8:53 pm

    Even if he leaves his wife, @ 25 do you want to be dealing with a man who has 3 kids when u can find a guy as single as a dollar bill. Abeg, there is too much baggage here

  17. Optimus Prime

    April 2, 2017 at 8:55 pm

    It’s the 21st century and there are still college-educated women who are gullible enough to believe a man when he says he’s having issues with his wife. I mean, have you been living under a rock?

    Even if we assume(for argument’s sake) that you have an undying love for this man, why didn’t you tell him to go get his divorce papers before rolling in the hay with him?

    This concern of yours came way too late – the deed has already been done. If you are waiting for this man to leave his wife and kids for you then all those years you have spent in school did nothing to your cognitive reasoning.

  18. Enny Heart Heart

    April 2, 2017 at 9:00 pm

    My dear girls like you are the reason this man’s marriage crashed in the first place. If only every girl would say no to cheating with married men, pigs like him would have no other option but to jerk off in the bathroom!

    On the other hand, yes he loves you. Like for real. But he’s never going to marry you you. And wth, moved in together! This one is strong oh.
    Babe, his wife doesn’t even know about you yet she’s driving you crazy with her existence.

    I think you should leave that man, girl he’s someone else’s. Leave him as in go cold turkey: no calls, no text back, no seeing, no one-night-standing.

    Damn it ladies! Get that good dick but don’t loose your senses… eish

    • Adeanon

      April 3, 2017 at 11:06 am

      Enny I disagree he doesn’t love her. That’s not love.
      OP, some of these comments are harsh but look at the underlying message – you are far too valuable to be treated in this manner. Let him go.
      My STBXH strung his side chick along for 4 years. Yup. I left him over a year ago, he’s frustrating the divorce process and poor sidechick getting even more frustrated. He lied to her that I didn’t want to let him go, he didn’t want to lose his kids- you know same ol, same ol. In all her snooping because she truly has zero peace of mind ( that’s what happens in all these sort of relationships…), she found my lawyers letters warning him about trying to dismiss my divorce for the umpeenth time and the effects of avoiding being served. This is a Situation where I am asking for 50/50 custody – at least I’m not depriving him, and asking only for minimal assets as most have been tainted by him and her. Mad girl wrote an 9 page rant about how he betrayed her, how he lied about me, how he wasted her fertile years ( she’s now turned 33), how he was stingy under the guise of paying expensive tuition but she saw in the court docs he hadn’t been paying etc etc.

      Mad girl copied me. STBXH mad as hell as he never wanted me to know. Keeps denying her to his siblings.

      Summary of this epistle – something built on these sort of lies .. won’t work, can’t work.

      Good luck to you

  19. Tobi

    April 2, 2017 at 9:01 pm

    hummm so basically you are the side chick LMAO agitating for a married man to divorce his wife LMAO. I beg make I ask you Kwestion In the voice of Michael Jackson- So, Annie are you ok, Are you ok, Annie?

    • Bokun

      April 2, 2017 at 11:17 pm

      Lol this made me chuckle. Annie is not ok. She’s the only one who hasn’t seen the signs and realised
      1. She a side chick
      2. He ain’t ever gonna leave his wife for her dumb ass
      3. And ?She’s been struck by, She’s been hit by a Smooth Criminal ? Dab

    • Uberhaute looks

      April 3, 2017 at 9:00 am

      I almost fell of the chair.
      Darling, this dude is very married to his wife and he’ll never!divorce her.
      Give urself brain and look for your own man.

    • ogeAdiro

      April 2, 2017 at 11:57 pm

      She’s been hit by a smooth criminal 🙂 Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.

    • o

      April 3, 2017 at 7:12 am


  20. No chaser...

    April 2, 2017 at 9:22 pm

    Ask him to divorce HIS WIFE, THE MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN. The same way another woman will ask him to divorce you–well that is if he ever acknowledges you existence with a ring.
    Clearly, those two are going through marital problems and are definitely going to patch things up. You, my dear, Miss devil’s advocate, are just a blanket for his cold nights; I see a scorned side chick in the works.

  21. chantelle

    April 2, 2017 at 9:43 pm

    This story sounds too stupid and dumb to be a true story…l bet bellanaija just made it up to get readers talking….other than that someone Please come for this mumu girl before l slap her via the internet….lol

  22. Amh

    April 2, 2017 at 9:47 pm

    Hes happily married will never leave his are too young for his lies smf rubbish.

  23. Adunnie

    April 2, 2017 at 10:00 pm

    Aw thank you ? @ARN

  24. Poesy

    April 2, 2017 at 10:43 pm

    Ummm….He’s not confused. He may not be the world’s best husband but his marriage is intact. He’s just conducting it on his own terms. No one can tell you what to do; only you can decide for yourself..

    He has been honest with you from day one about his marital status. Are you willing to gamble on a 3-person relationship that may end up with him going back to his wife full-time? (He hasn’t left her so there is definitely a strong attachment, love or not) If you are, then love him whole-heartedly when he has time for you and stay completely out of the “He said…she said” scenarios with his wife. If it’s devotion you’re looking for, eat, pray, love until you meet someone who wants to pursue a monogamous relationship with you.

    That said, I like you. You come across as highly intelligent, sincere and empathetic. I wish you happiness. Bonne chance!

  25. Tatafo!

    April 2, 2017 at 11:09 pm

    I wish you hadn’t moved in with him. Please move out and give him space. You were fine before you met him, you will be fine after you leave him. Don’t block your blessing!

    His kids will forever blame you for being a home wrecker even if he divorces his current wife. You don’t want that kind of drama.

  26. Tina

    April 2, 2017 at 11:32 pm

    Don’t know what to tell you. Just here for the comments. Pack your things, move out, leave and forget him. Give it time someone else will come 🙂

  27. GreenDiamond

    April 3, 2017 at 12:34 am

    Hi Ontario sister.. first of all I kinda miss that place but the island for sure is better..(sorry so out of context)

    Here is my advice for you. First of all, we don’t choose who we love let’s all have that clear, however, when you found out he was married u shouldn’t have entertained that relationship any further but you did.. there’s nothing we can do about that now…

    You need to give that relationship a big pause, i am unsure as to how deep this love is, however, you have to give it a veryy big space. The Man God has for you will bring joy and add no sorrow or complications. This is not how to start your forever. If you are truly looking for a marriage that will work and be completely solid then it is not in this relationship. I completely understand how hard this advice will be hard to take in, especially when u consider how hard it is to find a man ready for the long run in Canada and that gets you fully!! bruh pretty hard, but this is what you must do to secure that great future calling you.

    Right now it may seem as if you are never going to find a greater love, but that is the kind of lies the devils lays in our hearts to bring us down and make a regretful decision. This man already started his life journey, and right now you are just part of a phase, u must let him go to continue his journey with his family or without either way you are not a part of it.

    i dont know how strong ur faith is, but God can help you through the pain and give u the strength to carry on. if you decide we are all wrong and you both decide to go ahead and he gets a divorce just remember life has a way of getting back at us.. You are so young please dont make time wasting decisions. God Bless

  28. Odi

    April 3, 2017 at 1:03 am

    Are you a Canadian citizen and he’s not? Can you tell where I’m going with this?

  29. Pretty

    April 3, 2017 at 1:11 am

    Nne that guy is lying to you. He has no family problem or intention to leave his wife. These tales are what men tell side chicks to elicit sympathy. I am sure you are paying part of that rent and doing wifey duties. Dude is using you to take care of his needs till he moves his family over. Don’t say you were not told.

  30. funmilola

    April 3, 2017 at 1:23 am

    babe, you’re the real correct no 1 side chick!
    receive sense now and be wise….

  31. Iris

    April 3, 2017 at 2:15 am

    Come, in 2017 you are willingly sleeping with a married man talking bout ‘he’s trying to leave his wife but he is confused and we love each other?’ Mtchew.
    Yours is the first Agony Aunt article I’ve read without feeling some form of sympathy for the writer. You’re not even 18. You’re 25 so you’re not a child. I know Canada is a lonely place, but there is no excuse for this kind of naiveté. In fact please humour us and ask for a divorce. Let’s see what he says.

    • Iris

      April 3, 2017 at 2:17 am

      Meanwhile in two years when he leaves you for the new side chick you will carry your ‘stories that touch’ drama from church to the Nigerian embassy.

    • sun shine

      April 3, 2017 at 10:40 am

      Lolz @Iris. I see that shade.

  32. LEM

    April 3, 2017 at 5:29 am

    ???This story is actually very funny abeg. Like someone above said it’s actually so dumb that it sounds fabricated. In this case 2017 someone still believes the ‘I am married but my wife and I are having issues’ line? Really? Ok well first of all it’s morally wrong to sleep with a married man. As you are even cohabiting with him, I advice you read or watch ‘He is just not that into me’. Sister, the guy is not confused that much I can promise you. Wether he has issues in his marriage or not he will not leave her for YOU. He may leave her for someone else but I can assure you it won’t be for YOU. You have willingly given him everything for free already while he is still married so why the heck should he respect you? He is wasting your time, but he is not using you because he has honest with you about his status and you had two alternative choices. To cut him off completely or tell him to come back when he is divorced. You chose to enter a three way relationship with eyes wide open. Simple answer, please quietly leave him.

  33. Pipi

    April 3, 2017 at 6:14 am

    If he respects his wife enough not to tell her about you! Please respect yourself enough to move out of that house or get him to move out.

    • Bio

      April 3, 2017 at 12:06 pm

      This is the most sensible comment to me. .
      He respects his wife enough not to break her heart by telling her about you but threw the new at you like do whatever you like with it!!!!!

      Please practically borrow your self some brain and at least move on for the sake of your dignity.
      Its difficult as you have entangled yourself but begin to disentangle yourself from now on.

      Stylishly start spending more time outside the house or your common places, You are single in all ramifications, so feel free to go on dates both with your single female friends and guys.

      I know that you have being playing wife so probably you have terminated your relationship with your friends; start making new ones or start extending friendship to old ones. Anyone that agrees to befriend you, play with them otherwise leave them alone and move to the next one.

      If you go to clubs go more, if you are a church person go more. matter of fact church is the most engaging place for a single sister. all manner of programs to take your time and relieve you of boredom that makes you miss him and want to go back.

      When I was single, I used to attend every women program in my church and other churches (i only need to hear dont even bother to invite me).

      I found them more encouraging than singles forum that just makes me more desperate. With these women programs I learnt a lot from people’s experiences. what to look out for and what to avoid and it made me matured in my choices and dealings with guys.

      In no time I had become a sort after because guys found me very matured and independent minded. The best part is that it prepared me for marriage so much that my husband just marvels. Meanwhile I was the one that chose him not him choosing me o. I saw what I wanted and decided i would agree after praying to be double sure.

      Today I hardly remember I got married at 37, because its just been so blissful the years of waiting no longer counts. Its not worth it I tell you, i know the issues with evil relationships and don’t wish it for my enemies, so don’t bother with it at all.

      all the best. if you must start going to mfm to break the relationship, but you must break it!!!!

  34. o

    April 3, 2017 at 7:16 am

    I read this with my mouth open. Like someone actually believes this??? Omo that guy deserves a masters degree in playing women.

    Pray tell, why do you know of his wife but she doesn’t know about you???? If you believe that bollocks about hiding the kids from him, then I can understand why you have believed him thus far. Please you have enjoyed enough of the sex. Leave that relationship pls.

  35. jane

    April 3, 2017 at 7:20 am

    a complicated relationship ain’t worth it, it ruins your peace of mind.

  36. Idomagirl

    April 3, 2017 at 8:47 am

    You’re too young for this nonsense.
    Why are you wasting your prime on someone with so much baggage.
    Instead of finding an unencumbered young man to put down roots with, you’re carrying this ogbologbo with three children on your head.
    ON NO CONDITION should you be involved with a married man, as soon as you knew that he was married you should have cut him off.

    These married men tell all sorts of lies.
    This “my marriage crashed, my wife is this” lie is the biggest one & I didn’t know people still believed it.
    If you were his wife how would you feel?
    Us women need to stop joining hands with men to cause fellow women pain.
    “Men are cheats…”but there’s always one woman somewhere willing to cheat with a man….

    You don’t know how much she’s toiled and worked in that marriage to get him to that Canada.
    She’s probably fasting and praying and crying, you’re here hoping he divorces her.
    Even if he does, are you ready to deal with the baggage of an ex-wife, 3 stepkids who will hate you cos they’ll see you as the cause of their mother’s pain?
    And what makes you think he will even marry you?
    And if you have a Canadian passport, he’s most likely gumming you to get papers.

  37. lol

    April 3, 2017 at 9:02 am

    pls do not be deceived by the women on this platform…. pls the man is yours and yours truly do not let anyone tell you differently. YOLO

    JUST KIDDING…….. what i believe is what i know not what someone has said. know your own truth and stand by it

  38. Ifymcqueens

    April 3, 2017 at 9:55 am

    Poster is a wicked person….most girls ur age that do thes ‘runz’ are in it for d money only….u have a good job according to u…so wats ur problem!…even if he is willingly to divorce his wife for u….wld u want to marry a man with baggage at such a young age…..

  39. Xyz

    April 3, 2017 at 10:45 am

    Please what replies were you expecting to get? Even if he divorces her are you willing to spend your life with a person with such questionable character?
    These Yoruba guys tho, be making someone question their sanity smh

  40. Oliver

    April 3, 2017 at 11:36 am

    I like your response. No harsh words, and for not being judgemental. In addition to Terri Savelle’s videos, I also recommend Tiffany Buckner(Anointed Fire) videos on YouTube. She should search and follow her videos on breaking soul ties. It will help her a lot.

  41. Ever Green

    April 3, 2017 at 11:53 am

    Poster, Anu eh ko se mi, if that wifey na the type wey dey pray MFM prayers or the type that goes for prayer on the mountain on war against marriage intruders like you peren you don enter wahala…
    Put on your running shoes and run for you dear life, do not be the cause of another woman’s pain because Karma is a bitch forever that will catch up with you whether you like it or not and it will be forever potent, my yoruba people will say ”IYAN OGUN ODUN, O MA NGBONO FELIFELI’ ,
    Please I beg of you severe that link…

  42. Ijs

    April 3, 2017 at 1:48 pm

    Keep dating him o. You are in love . keep at it. In a couple of years u will be giving advice to others

  43. Cece

    April 3, 2017 at 1:57 pm

    Lol. Yoruba demon style. Confidently playing the game. Tomorrow when he decides to break your heart and you cry out, he will look you in the eyes and tell you ‘ but i told you i was married! ‘did you expect me to leave the mother of my children? My dear, i know you have convinced yourself that this is real, but believe me when i say it is only real to you. He is not about to leave that marriage for you. He is just eating his cake and having it, something a lot of men do with ease. Count your losses and leave fast!

  44. T

    April 3, 2017 at 2:05 pm

    My dear poster, you do not deserve this man. You do not know the whole story of his marriage. I see a wife trying to fix her marriage. It is not easy to be separated from your husband and be dealing with 3 kids on top! How wont she be ‘disturbing’ your intimate time. Chei! There is three of you in this relationship. Love yourself first and move on. It might be difficult but it is possible. Like others have said, this guy, unfortunately a yoruba guy is wasting your time. I can’t get past this wickedness. The wife does not even know about you. She is trying to fix her marriage and he is not telling her ‘the real reason’? He is wicked. Something is fishy. He is not a free man. Do not take what is not yours. Let him go and fix his life/marriage.

  45. B

    April 3, 2017 at 2:40 pm

    Believe me he wont even need to say all of that. All he will have to say is i am staying because of my children.

  46. Someone Naughty

    April 3, 2017 at 3:11 pm

    Interesting how every time you want to get intimate, his wife calls. Young lady, she’s praying and her God is not asleep. In all of this, what is end goal of this relationship? If it’s a casual relationship, it’s not worth the stress, if she wants to get married to him, she hasn’t mentioned that either of them want that? Even marriage isn’t worth starting off on such rocky terms

  47. Hian

    April 4, 2017 at 1:59 pm

    Dear Sister,

    Would you be comfortable being with a man who can disrespect his MARRIAGE so much?
    Let us believe him and say they are having this issue that caused him to run away from Nigeria. What would make being with you different? He looked before marrying that woman and if he bad mouths her to you then he is not the sharpest razor on the shelf because he stayed with her long enough to have 3 children and put up with her “attitude”. Do you think you are so perfect that he would not find fault enough in you?
    Marriages have problems, people get divorced but this man here is just paving the way to bring his woman and children to Canada. He is not a disciplined man, so he has picked a young woman, fed her tales so he can have company before he brings his family over.

    If he leaves this woman,
    Would you be comfortable sleeping with two eyes closed the day you have issues that are prolonged?
    A big part of love is having respect for your partner. Apart from him sleeping with you, what else are you gaining from this sham of a relationship?
    A relationship that will forever be lined with issues, this is what you want to settle for?
    Obodo Oyibo is lonely and it seems men are scarce but would you really want to settle for the mistress life?

    You can clearly see he is conflicted about his wife? He is not confused. A 35 year old man knows exactly what he wants and if he does not then you do not need to be with a man with so little focus.. Again, is this the type of man you want?

    There is nothing wrong with being with a man who is divorced but the key word is DIVORCED. This man is in Canada, has not initiated divorce, does not tell his wife about you (the same wife he sends money to) and claims she will keep the kids away from him. How can she keep the kids away and be collecting money in a country that does not enforce child support as strictly as the West?

    The years roll by quickly, 25 is not that young sister. You are already in that phase in life were your mistakes can cause damaging effects for a long time. You deserve better, what makes you think you are only suitable for a third wheel position in life?. You can do better. Please start to walk away from this man and his wife. You are an intruder and you do not want to end up receiving intruder treatment.

  48. yummymummycumchick

    April 4, 2017 at 2:20 pm

    wow,,, prob. u r a citizen and he is using u with his devilish sexy charms or u r being delusional … think and put yourself in the wife’s position……… will u be happy ?

  49. Beyondfaces...

    June 6, 2017 at 1:50 pm

    Hi dear, such happened to a friend of mine. Hers was even worse cos she had a baby in between. Oh hell! The family of the guy showed/ and still showing her pepper, especially the guy’s mum. Curses upon curses everyday, to the extent of saying the baby she’s carrying is a bastard and all sorts. They even came to where they relocated to and embarrassed the lady saying the lady jazzed the guy for him to have insisted on ending his marriage. Imagine that!! My friend in question is still leaving with the guy and her family have told her to let him go back to his family (wife & daughter) and never to come back.

    My advice to single ladies:-

    Pls never ever date a married guy. At the end of the day, people/society will say you jazzed him so he wasn’t in his right senses meanwhile this grown up man was in his right senses when he was doing all the toasting and fuckery before he took this decision. So please desist!!! Chase him outa your life, block him on your phone/social media and all.

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