Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers.
We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.
I am an avid reader of BellaNaija Blog and am in dire need of some candid advise. I currently live in Ontario and recently met a charming Yoruba man who asked me out. On our first date, he told me he is currently married with three kids back in Abuja but having issues. However, he is NOT divorced.
He said he had been having issues for a year and left Naija for Canada to get a fresh start after marriage crashed. Well I have been going out with this man for 9 months now. I am in love with him, and I’m sure he loves me too. We moved in together and thankfully I am taking appropriate measures so I don’t get pregnant. The issue I have is every time we get into intimacy mode, wifey calls.
It’s always one thing or the other – the kids, money, etc. I am so done with this doubleness, but I am finding hard to leave because I am so attached to this man. I see all the messages with the wife. I hear most of their conversations. I see him struggling with his feelings for her, and I see her reaching out trying to patch things up.
He is quite confused; I can tell. The madam keeps sending him all kinds of love messages, and he responds with just asking how the kids are. Since she doesn’t quite know what he is up to here (with me), she thinks he is just sleeping around and not really attached to any girl, so then she still has a chance with him is what she is thinking – I honestly don’t blame her.
She doesn’t know about me because, he says she will hide his kids from him and tell the whole world he left her for a younger girl if she finds out about me now. But I sure know about her and keep asking him what’s going on with us?
What’s going on with his marriage? How long do I have to wait? I guess my question to BVs now is this: Will he ever divorce? How much time is enough for me to say “enough” and walk away? How much longer should I wait to see if he is ready to take this thing with me to the next level? Am I the one standing between him and making up with his family? (even though he proved he’s been away from wife loooong before he met me). If he divorces, will everyone in Nigeria and his family blame me for the divorce? Am I a side chic? Please what should I do? Should I put my foot down and ask for a divorce? Will I be taking father away from kids?
I am 25 and he is 35. We both have good jobs and happily in Canada. He and his wife are same age.
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