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The Minnesota Woman’s Obituary that has Gone Viral

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Obituaries, especially for the elderly, are supposed to be a celebration of the life and times of the deceased, but Kathleen Dehmlow‘s (80 as at the time of death) is rather… different.

The writer of the obituary, published on Redwood Falls Gazette‘s website and print, took an ugly turn when the writer chose to air the Minnesota woman’s dirty laundry after her death.

It starts with the conventional notes: date of birth; family and relationships. The bombshell was dropped in the third paragraph which said: “In 1962 she became pregnant by her husband’s brother Lyle Dehmlow and moved to California.”

The obituary alleged that she abandoned her children, adding that she will not be missed by the children and “this world will be a better place without her”.

People are now asking where the kid(s) from the extra-marital affair is, and what her former husband Dennis Dehmlow‘s story is.

One relative Dwight Dehmlow who refused to specify his relationship with Kathleen told Star Tribune that the facts in the obituary are true, but “there is a lot of stuff that is missing.”

Dwight said the writer “decided to go out with hate,” adding that “this is going to hurt a lot of people.”

“The sad thing about this is there is no rebuttal. There is more to it than this. It’s not simple,” Dwight said, adding that Kathleen lived the last one year of her life in a nursing home.

He said her sisters were with her when she died.

“She made a mistake 60 years ago, but who hasn’t? Has she regretted it over the years? Yes.”

21 Comments

  1. Aanu

    June 6, 2018 at 7:54 am

    Obviously paid for by those 2 kids Gina and Jay or 1 of them.

    But really, they must have been super hurt that they never could forgive her.

    So sad…I hope the woman rests though.

  2. anony

    June 6, 2018 at 8:23 am

    No one can ever understand the plight of a child abandoned by their mother. My mother did the same to my siblings and I and I can’t even begin to explain to you the psychological effect it has on us. It’s sad.

    To all mothers out there, please stop abandoning your children. You don’t know what they ll become in the future…. even if things are hard, please take your kids wherever you go.

    I don’t even have an emotional connection with my mum. I’m just praying that God gives me a happy home, so I and my future husband can raise my children successfully. Iya ti mo je, awon omo mi o gbodo je iru e. From the sexual abuse, to the seeking validation from boys/men. No food waiting for you at home cooked by your MOTHER, fending for myself, to living myself since the age of 16 …. I bless God though, my siblings and I turned out well. God is faithful.

    • tiana

      June 6, 2018 at 10:36 am

      eeya… take heart and think of how far you have come. When you have your own, i know you will be an exceptional mother.

    • Bee

      June 6, 2018 at 1:56 pm

      @anony, sorry to read about ypur story. I’m happy to hear you and your siblings turned put well.
      My story is somewhat similar.
      My mom died when I was 5. My dad used to be loving until he remarried and abandoned us because of his then new wife. He abandoned everyone including his own mother. Something my sister and I struggle with everyday of our lives. I have the same prayer- that I marry right and my husband is opposite of my dad(how he abandoned us). My sister is married to a great man. Thank God for that.
      Life aye!

    • Bee

      June 6, 2018 at 2:30 pm

      Also my sister and I have turned out well. Educated women and have the fear of God in us.

    • Anony

      June 6, 2018 at 3:59 pm

      Sigh. I’m sorry to hear about the things you went through. I wish some parents would stop being selfish. It is well. If you want, we can be friends. Could you drop your email address on here? I will get in touch.

  3. ISnatchWigs

    June 6, 2018 at 11:15 am

    All parents who abandon their children deserve this treatment
    When my sister was getting married, my mother told her husband’s people that our dad was dead and my maternal uncles stood in his place.
    Later one of my paternal cousins told me that our dad was so hurt by what my mom did.
    Hurt about what?
    When he abandoned us and left my mother to fend for us alone, were we not also hurt? He has all the money in the world but is old, sick and lonely and none of his 4 kids want anything to do with him!
    Let him suffer!
    You cannot treat people like dirt and expect them to love you.
    Shebi he thought the grass was greener on the other side when he abandoned us for that woman and took care of her kids instead of us. Now they have also abandoned him in his old age and his “wife” would rather frolick with her boy toys than take care of him.
    Is GOD not a wonderful GOD!!!
    He should hurry up and die sef

  4. lola

    June 6, 2018 at 11:44 am

    Thids is why women should not hastily marry or encourage premarital sex because not so many children survive a STEP FATHER,BABY DADDY UNKNOWN orFAILED MARRIAGE trauma. CLOSE YOUR LEGS .

  5. Californiabawlar

    June 6, 2018 at 3:02 pm

    Lmao! At least she stayed with the brother in law till the end. Maybe it was true love? ?
    Anywho let me indulge in some whataboutism: every other obituary would be like this if them wan do am for men! Yes I said it, @ me if you like.
    Y’all need to stop deifying and holding women to higher standards… no one has the monopoly of ain’tshitness.

    • Engoz

      June 6, 2018 at 7:59 pm

      That is what they don’t get. FATHERS own children in our society, and most likely the children will end up with their fathers. You can imagine the tough battle the mothers of that generation will have to put up to get the kids, so I don’t understand the angle of you must take the kids wherever you go when the laws -constitutional and traditional did nothing to protect those women’s interests. There’s a foolish narrative that is currently going around the black american community that the reason for their cultural degeneracy is because women keep the kids. Now, in Nigeria where fathers keep the kids, it is still the absence of the mother that caused the kids to make poor choices. What a joke!
      I have never understood this unnecessary deification of motherhood at the expense of fatherhood. I think some women see it as their “contribution” to the world to feel worthy. Something an 11 year who menstruates can do, lmao. Did anyone force you to give birth? Why do you need a reward? Why should a mother automatically be entitled to a child at the exclusion of the father? Is the father not as entitled to the child as you are? Why did you get married to/have kids with men you cannot leave your kids with? Just reminds me of the funniest conversation with my husband. I told him in the advent of any separation, he will keep the children. pay him child support on top sef. Are they not my kids? What is the big deal? Sebi, you expect him to be elated, sebi men always rant about how women will just be collecting child support, etc. He said “..Ehnnn, you want to be wearing mini and go to clubs, while I push prams in Food lion…My God will not gree for you.” He said he will contest from magistrate to Supreme court so I’ll be the one to keep the kids and he’ll pay child support. I laughed ehn. The thing is I trust him 100% to take care of the kids and put their interests FIRST over any relationship if things turn sour. I still maintain the kids will stay with him sha – so if pikin spoil, na me them go say spoil them? lae lae. Besides I don’t have time to be pursuing any person for child support or whatever single moms do, heck na. I will be fine with visitation rights! Summary is Fathers have as much rights as women on who keeps the child. Idealistically, who is more financially and mentally equipped should keep the child. I don’t believe in this automatic decision of giving kids to mothers. Besides, thief thief women have abused this child support of a thing. It’s almost like a career path. Left to me, I will ban the system.

    • Aunty

      June 7, 2018 at 1:44 am

      Relevance??

    • Miss sunshine

      June 7, 2018 at 11:09 am

      @ aunty….wish i could like that one word question a million times.

    • oluwakemi

      June 7, 2018 at 7:15 pm

      If this was an exam. you have failed.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      June 7, 2018 at 10:36 pm

      @Engoz, my friend told her husband the same thing and just like yours, he was shook. You know those convos couples have where they raise theoretical questions, such as what would happen when an ultimatum like cheating happens.

      Nna, the babe told him she wasn’t keeping the children oh, ole boy was stammering and asking why. She sef asked him why he can’t care for his own children…. as in, he legit believed it was his right to walk away and leave their mother to be managing the upbringing for all three bambinos on her own.

      Times they are a’changing, my people.

  6. Uberstique

    June 6, 2018 at 3:06 pm

    Bitterness and anger keeps you chained to the pain, forever. I hope those kids can find peace. However, whatever satisfaction they felt by writing this obituary was empty and short-lived. But I could be wrong. No doubt the kids inherited their mother’s impetuous traits.

    • Lisa

      June 7, 2018 at 2:37 pm

      I detest stupid people. How do you know it was ‘shortlived’? How do you know the mother has an impetuous nature? Do you know the mother? Don’t be more daft than you have the right to be?

  7. Stella

    June 6, 2018 at 5:43 pm

    Everything is not men vs women or competition on who will be the most evil.

    This is about children who are hurt by their mother abandoning them , when it is time for evil men we will call them out too.

    So take your gender war and move one side.

  8. OA

    June 6, 2018 at 8:50 pm

    @Anony – Sorry for what you went through, but please forgive your Mom. You said she didn’t take you because she did not want you to suffer. Even though you did ultimately suffer, look at it from your Mom’s perspective. It was her perception of how things would be, not yours in hindsight. It was her thinking that was the best thing for you at that time. Remember that in our culture, if Mom takes the children, Dad will make sure he does not give her one penny and will try to even block avenues of managing for Mom. I have heard some stories similar to this in the past and thought if it were me, I would never forgive, but I have found that no matter what might have happened between you and a parent, you MUST forgive them. They birthed you, you must forgive them. You don’t have to have a fantastic relationship with them, but you must forgive.

    My former boss’s mother gave up ALL her children for adoption as in about nine of them. She eventually married a very rich man who left everything he owned to her. Grandma changes Mercedes Benz as if she is changing pa-int. My boss and her have since reunited and do have a relationship, but my boss has not forgotten, yet she is thankful for being able to, no matter how late, still have a relationship with her biological mother. When Grandma turned 80, come and see the party her biological children had for her. Now, I must admit that some are probably doing oju aye because she has plenty money and has been using some of it to buy their love.

    Can you imagine that mine was the flip?! When we were young and my parents used to fight like crazy, as in physical oh, I used to ask myself why my Mom didn’t just leave? Afterall, my father had only threatened to throw her load out “God knows how many times” and to bring another woman in! It was horrible and though I can now laugh about it only because they ended up staying together till my father passed away and they had a great relationship till his death, it was not a nice sight. All our neighbors knew that my parents were the rascals/hooligans of the neighborhood, because when they fought, it was serious. It didn’t help that they were both born and raised in Isale Eko. Phew, horrible times…I used to be soooo depressed about it, but had to learn to endure it naa ni. Will I ever put my children through that? Heck naw!

    The worst part of it is that whoever took the time to write this is suffering and most likely very miserable and projecting their misery to everyone they encounter (you know like the winches and wizards at the workplace who are so miserable, everyone must partake in their misery). A good-hearted person would never do what they did. I hope they are able to find peace and move on with what they had no control over. I use Prince Harry’s case as example. It wasn’t until he came to terms with the fact that his mother was gone and she is gone naa ni yen, that his life started having true meaning.

  9. OA

    June 6, 2018 at 10:41 pm

    @BN, where is my post oh?

  10. Bj

    June 7, 2018 at 3:19 pm

    this is where healing from the balm of Gilead (Jesus) comes in, He only can heal a wounded soul especially a pain that no one can fathom. One bad thing about unforgiveness is that its more poisonous on the carrier.Its obvious these two children are deeply hurt for with a good reason but this will not excuse the effect of unforgiveness on them. Medically alot of ailment can be traced to this. We do ourselves a lot of good by not allowing another person,s choice to cage our destiny. To err is humanb but to forgive is divine. Thanks

  11. Karma

    June 7, 2018 at 7:49 pm

    Cunny man die, cunny man draft obituary.

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