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Abacha Pocket Money, the Beyhive & Anthony Joshua’s Loss – Here’s What Went Down This Week

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This past week has had the usual combination of fun and drudgery, but trust Nigerians to make a laugh out of everything, even pain.

From Anthony Joshua‘s loss to something about being honest about wanting to cheat in a relationship, here’s what went down this week.

Anthony Joshua Lost to Andy Ruiz Jr.

Let’s get this out of the way first: Why in the world is the Nigerian government spending state funds to go see a boxing match featuring a British fighter and a Mexican one. Why? Why? Why? We understand that Joshua is a Nigerian by birth, and that he recognises the country – yes, that’s enough reason for us to love him. But to use taxpayers’ money to go see the match of someone who fights for the UK? That’s unjustifiable. Want to see him fight? Dear Abike Dabiri, please, use your personal funds next time.

Anyway. Our beloved Sagamu boy Joshua lost all his titles to Ruiz Jr. in a 7th round TKO. Heartbreaking stuff. However, the Internet being the Internet, quickly found the silver lining: With Fat Thor conquering Thanos, and now a pot-bellied Ruiz becoming the World Heavyweight Champion, it’s the year of the fat. The saying has officially been change to “Na fat I fat, I fit still kill pesin.”

Philippines President *coughs* Cured *coughs* Himself of *coughs* Homosexuality

The gay journey of the president of the Philippines Rodrigo Duterte has been a long winding road. First he accused catholic priests of being gay. Then he accused his opponent of being gay. And now, he says he used to be gay himself, and was cured of it by “beautiful women.” You have to love this way of coming out.

Seeing as the gay keeps getting closer to home every time, any chance he’ll eventually just admit that, you know, *coughs*.

Here’s what the internet thinks:

More Abacha Loot for the Mandem!

At this point, all the money Abacha stole has become a sort of piggybank that we can just dip our hands into when things are getting really bad. Or maybe it’s like finding some good cash in the old jeans you haven’t worn in years. Anyway, Head of State Abacha coming thraaaaaaa for his goons. A whooping £211 million this time. Let’s hope the Nigerian government just, you know, oh God. No one is optimistic that they’ll put it to good use, abi?

JAY-Z Becomes a Billionaire, and Rihanna Comes Close

Rapper JAY-Z has become the richest rapper ever, amassing a wealth that totals a billion dollars. And Rihanna, whom JAY-Z signed, becomes the richest female musician.

What’s peculiar about both their fortunes is how it’s the not as a result of the music, but as a result of other investments.

What does this teach us, children? Diversify. Diversify and invest.

The Beyhive being a MESS

See, we get the point of stanning (we’re Beyoncé stans ourselves). But when the stanning morphs itself to become a power trip, spreading hate and sending death threats, that’s just disgusting. Over what? What is bad is bad, abeg.

Then this thread about Having a Honest Discussion on Infidelity … Bruh

Na so we see am oo. It’s hard to put this one into words. We’ll just share, and you can deduce what’s to deduce from it.

Personally, we’re huge fans of honest conversations. So, yeah.

And that’s it for the week! Let us know if we missed anything in the comment section. Have an awesome weekend.

Star Features