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Abacha Pocket Money, the Beyhive & Anthony Joshua’s Loss – Here’s What Went Down This Week
This past week has had the usual combination of fun and drudgery, but trust Nigerians to make a laugh out of everything, even pain.
From Anthony Joshua‘s loss to something about being honest about wanting to cheat in a relationship, here’s what went down this week.
Anthony Joshua Lost to Andy Ruiz Jr.
Let’s get this out of the way first: Why in the world is the Nigerian government spending state funds to go see a boxing match featuring a British fighter and a Mexican one. Why? Why? Why? We understand that Joshua is a Nigerian by birth, and that he recognises the country – yes, that’s enough reason for us to love him. But to use taxpayers’ money to go see the match of someone who fights for the UK? That’s unjustifiable. Want to see him fight? Dear Abike Dabiri, please, use your personal funds next time.
Anyway. Our beloved Sagamu boy Joshua lost all his titles to Ruiz Jr. in a 7th round TKO. Heartbreaking stuff. However, the Internet being the Internet, quickly found the silver lining: With Fat Thor conquering Thanos, and now a pot-bellied Ruiz becoming the World Heavyweight Champion, it’s the year of the fat. The saying has officially been change to “Na fat I fat, I fit still kill pesin.”
To every young man with 6 packs who thinks he has made it in this life, Anthony Joshua’s defeat is a life lesson !
Shout Out to Drake
Liked by Mayweather, Andy Ruiz, Thor, Mr Ibu, Deadpool and 456 others Insha Allahu pic.twitter.com/mwg6M3wDVC
— Story Temple Tells (@NollywoodBoss) June 2, 2019
Pot belly wins again, First Thor now Andy Ruiz #FatLiveMatters
— Derek (@FiifiWilson25) June 2, 2019
With Fat Thor and Andy Ruiz Jr fat people are hot rn join the wave ?
— Dr J (@Kelmeister69) June 4, 2019
Andy Ruiz and Endgame Thor reminding you chubby boys are the move pic.twitter.com/T4iKaEaCUu
— Pingüino Rodríguez (@BrySoChi) June 3, 2019
Fat Thor & Andy Ruiz Jr. What a time to be alive. The dad bods taking over!!! ??
— Josh Burden (@Burgawolf) June 2, 2019
Says @thorofficial and Andy Ruiz. #JoshuaRuiz #AnthonyJoshua #boxing pic.twitter.com/gQeiK4LfS5
— Josh F. Koya (JFK) (@joshkoya) June 2, 2019
As a man with a body type best described as ‘fat Thor’ and a brain dying of heat stroke, I found this impossibly moving: https://t.co/laRJQ1UNtS
— brainchild (@smellyremedy) June 2, 2019
After Andy Ruiz knocked out Anthony Joshua I’ve cancelled all runs in the near future. Thor was right. 2019 is the year of the fatman #Mr17%
— Tony (@TonyRoche17) June 3, 2019
There are people who aren’t happy with how they look and Andy Ruiz has done a lot more for people by just beating Anthony Joshua and becoming a champion
Been called all sorts for how he looks these past few month and proved everyone wrong!Like “Fat Thor” he’s still worthy ?
— Sharko (@maroshay7) June 2, 2019
Philippines President *coughs* Cured *coughs* Himself of *coughs* Homosexuality
The gay journey of the president of the Philippines Rodrigo Duterte has been a long winding road. First he accused catholic priests of being gay. Then he accused his opponent of being gay. And now, he says he used to be gay himself, and was cured of it by “beautiful women.” You have to love this way of coming out.
Seeing as the gay keeps getting closer to home every time, any chance he’ll eventually just admit that, you know, *coughs*.
Here’s what the internet thinks:
— Armand Hayes (@armandinc) June 3, 2019
— AJ Graves (@ajgraves14) June 3, 2019
— Snkr_Head (@Nitu_Kumar81) June 3, 2019
Wait what…… pic.twitter.com/ra9fCREnPH
— JCarter703 (@Jcarter703) June 3, 2019
— etetet (@etetet40261292) June 3, 2019
Sure. pic.twitter.com/1ESGhIRLhD
— David Glasgow (@dvglasgow) June 3, 2019
— Leanne Selevich (@leanneselevich) June 3, 2019
More Abacha Loot for the Mandem!
At this point, all the money Abacha stole has become a sort of piggybank that we can just dip our hands into when things are getting really bad. Or maybe it’s like finding some good cash in the old jeans you haven’t worn in years. Anyway, Head of State Abacha coming thraaaaaaa for his goons. A whooping £211 million this time. Let’s hope the Nigerian government just, you know, oh God. No one is optimistic that they’ll put it to good use, abi?
Nigerians: At least this newly discovered Abacha’s loot can solve our power problem.
Government : pic.twitter.com/MvdtKbbdHp
— Ucgadaz (@Ucgadaz) June 4, 2019
I heard Abacha sent us pocket money again. pic.twitter.com/thiYAOp7Uc
— suntalkeredo? (@suntalkeredo) June 4, 2019
Seems uncle Abacha registered a Foundation for us in Heaven.
— Henry Shield (@henryshield) June 4, 2019
If Abacha was alive, he would be an honored and distinguished elder statesman.
All these loose change from his trouser pockets won’t be in the news.
Poor dude is dead and each time he shifts in the grave, we receive a credit alert in millions of fx.
Hypocrisy is a Nigerian.
— Prof Ikechi Mgbeoji (@MgbeojiIkechi) June 4, 2019
So I hear Abacha has made provisions for our 2019 budget?? ??? pic.twitter.com/FiKkyTUcH4
— Her Excellency? (@sindie2lexy) June 4, 2019
Nigerian politicians looking at the Abacha loot and plotting how to reloot it.
A-Loot-a Continua. pic.twitter.com/UmviB0R3zD
— Joey St. Louis (@JoeyAkan) June 4, 2019
The last Abacha loot that was recovered has been re-looted by the integrity gang. So this one won’t be an exception.
— Comrade Deji Adeyanju (@adeyanjudeji) June 4, 2019
Abacha didn’t loot abeg, he opened a kiddies savings account for Nigerians which you can only withdraw after 10 years. Abacha comes through always ???? pic.twitter.com/hHQs6z0ry8
— Queen. (@omolayo_t) June 4, 2019
JAY-Z Becomes a Billionaire, and Rihanna Comes Close
Rapper JAY-Z has become the richest rapper ever, amassing a wealth that totals a billion dollars. And Rihanna, whom JAY-Z signed, becomes the richest female musician.
What’s peculiar about both their fortunes is how it’s the not as a result of the music, but as a result of other investments.
What does this teach us, children? Diversify. Diversify and invest.
Jay-Z. 1994. The beginning.
2019. Billionaire.pic.twitter.com/DAmXgs44b1
— XXL Magazine (@XXL) June 3, 2019
Jay-Z a black man from Marcy projects/ ex drug dealer just became a billionaire, first in Hip-Hop History. Rihanna a black Woman / immigrate from Barbados just became the richest female musician in the world with $600 Million. Don’t tell me what I can’t do. ✊?
— King Spade (@BigTimeAllStar) June 5, 2019
Jay-z has been declared a billionaire by Forbes. Funny thing that stood out to me was that his music catalog, which is what made him Jay-z was only valued at $75M.
But investments in liquor, streaming, fashion, art and real estate made him a billionaire.
Investing for the win.
— InvestGod (@eldivyn) June 3, 2019
Women on twitter: fck love! I’m focused on my career. Can’t succeed if you’re in love bc You lose yourself and never spend time on your goals and then you’re poor and in love. No love! Aachoo! allergic to feelings I’m in my bag.
Rihanna: *rich AF and in love* pic.twitter.com/KZ2fUFIItd
— Bran’s Wheelchair (@MakeupWhoreder) June 7, 2019
Rihanna is the richest Woman in the Music industry world-wide, and she’s worth $600M. A Queen I stan❤️ pic.twitter.com/YszdyhEe7d
— Queen in the North ? (@alphafemme__) June 4, 2019
Forbes announced that Jay z is a billionaire & now they announced that Rihanna is the richest female musician in the world. Im just happy to see my black ppl winning on this level because it give poor black ppl hope pic.twitter.com/9bJqcsseVs
— Female Hip Hop (Parody Account) (@FemaleHipHopp) June 4, 2019
Rihanna is the richest female musician ($600M) ahead of Madonna, Beyoncé and Celine Dion
A Bajan woman did that without any degree. Hard work and talent along with wise choices can get you anywhere in life
— Shad ? (@Shad_Holli) June 4, 2019
Rihanna is now the richest female musician in the world with a fortune of $600 million,went from almost going broke to being on top of the World. She is also signed to Roc Nation,owned by Jay Z the first hiphop billionaire rapper. WE NOW HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO STAN. pic.twitter.com/la67DbVuRr
— Pye Waw (@pyewaw) June 4, 2019
The Beyhive being a MESS
See, we get the point of stanning (we’re Beyoncé stans ourselves). But when the stanning morphs itself to become a power trip, spreading hate and sending death threats, that’s just disgusting. Over what? What is bad is bad, abeg.
Nicole Curran: hey Jay, you want lime in your vodka soda?
Beyhive: pic.twitter.com/GrplY2TpFj
— National Caucasian Distributor of Cold Takes (@EthanGSN) June 6, 2019
For people who think this #NicoleCurran thing is overblown. Sorry, not sorry. That kind of thing happens all the time to Black Women in particular. Its deliberate & disrespectful. Even ONE polite word or glance #Beyoncé‘s way…none of this would be happening. GIRL. HER. HUSBAND.
— A M Grundy (@grundytv) June 6, 2019
Just spoke to Nicole Curran, the wife of Warriors owner Joe Lacob, about the “incident “ with Beyoncé last night. She was in tears. Said she had been getting death threats on social media all night this morning she disabled her IG account just to make it stop.
— Ramona Shelburne (@ramonashelburne) June 6, 2019
I think everybody needs to calm down about that Beyoncé clip. Jay Z was speaking to Nicole Curran, who is a big part of the Warriors franchise. She is married to the the majority owner, Joe Lacob. Seen in the first pic. Where was the outrage for the rest of these? pic.twitter.com/33HHJL9M50
— GIDDENS VISION (@GiddensVision) June 6, 2019
Nicole Curran is being unnecessarily bullied by the beehive and this is actually shameful.
I mean death treats & cyber bullying because she leaned over & spoke to Jay for all of 20 secs. And all she was being was a good host.
— Moe (@Mochievous) June 6, 2019
Is this what the brouhaha was over? Y’all really gave Nicole Curran death threats because she leaned in to hear Jay Z’s drink order?
FYI, she has a billionaire husband. Y’all doing too much.
There are more important things going on in America to be outraged over.#GetALife pic.twitter.com/V1Gsw7GPYb
— Bishop Talbert Swan (@TalbertSwan) June 7, 2019
When Nicole Curran Lacob opens her Instagram pic.twitter.com/ng6Cdv2PgN
— S’gasa (@Yazz_McPak) June 6, 2019
Yall the BeyHive is CARRYING on Nicole Curran’s Instagram ?????? #Beyonce #NicoleCurran pic.twitter.com/4UZyA5cqjc
— Raffy Regulus the Enbydexterous (@raffy_regulus) June 6, 2019
C’mon people. Nicole Curran, wife of #Warriors owner Joe Lacob, says she was in tears + getting death threats on social media after this sequence w/ #Beyonce and #JayZ. Says she was being good host and asking them for drink order. (h/t @ramonashelburne). #NBAFinals pic.twitter.com/uxysrudEok
— Raj Mathai (@rajmathai) June 6, 2019
Then this thread about Having a Honest Discussion on Infidelity … Bruh
Na so we see am oo. It’s hard to put this one into words. We’ll just share, and you can deduce what’s to deduce from it.
Personally, we’re huge fans of honest conversations. So, yeah.
Because Le Boo and I have live much of our dating/married live long distance, we’ve always been to a great extent been able to have honest conversation about infidelity pic.twitter.com/Qp0YeEwABm
— Florida Uzoaru (@floridauzoaru) June 6, 2019
— Florida Uzoaru (@floridauzoaru) June 6, 2019
— Florida Uzoaru (@floridauzoaru) June 6, 2019
— Florida Uzoaru (@floridauzoaru) June 6, 2019
— Florida Uzoaru (@floridauzoaru) June 6, 2019
— Florida Uzoaru (@floridauzoaru) June 6, 2019
— Florida Uzoaru (@floridauzoaru) June 6, 2019
— Florida Uzoaru (@floridauzoaru) June 6, 2019
I expect this is never going to be many people’s cup of tea, but I’ve always feel better when Le Boo and I lay things all out of the open. I married a human being, not a robot, so I make certain allowances for him & he makes for me. So far, it’s worked pic.twitter.com/LTRL2rFlLR
— Florida Uzoaru (@floridauzoaru) June 6, 2019
And that’s it for the week! Let us know if we missed anything in the comment section. Have an awesome weekend.
