Getting married to the one you love is a beautiful thing; a joy that knows no end, a gift that keeps on giving. When you look at the future, you think of all the exploits you’re about to take on, and the memories you’re about to make, together.
Meet Madey Tseja-Adeboye, a law graduate and CEO at Green Grill House, a healthy restaurant in Lagos State, Nigeria. Madey and her husband Dayo Adeboye met each other when she was 19 and 8 years later, on the 20th of November 2004 the love birds tied the knot. Madey and Dayo have achieved goals, travelled and made memories together for the 16 years of their beautiful marriage and were trying to conceive all this time.
Now, we know how demanding people in this part of the world can be with their expectations of married couples. It’s enough to make one grow doubts and lose faith, and society is yet to understand that. Some “snide comments came from outside,” said Madey, with people asking her if she was not interested in having kids, if she was barren or had fibroid, as well as advising Dayo to try having children out of wedlock. Madey did find it overwhelming at some point, especially after a series of failed treatments diagnosed as “unexplained infertility” because according to the doctors, both Madey and Dayo were fine. Through it all, Dayo stayed supportive. “If it happened, fine. If it didn’t, fine.” He reassured his wife that he didn’t marry her for kids.
Madey and Dayo, however, decided to live life “when the babies didn’t come on time.”
In November 2020, Madey and Dayo’s lives completely turned around. The month came bearing good tidings for the Adeboyes – Madey’s birthday, their 16th wedding anniversary and the birth of the lovely Adeboye twins. Yes! Madey and Dayo now have a set of twins and they are more than elated to share the news with everyone.
We had a chat with Madey about their 16-year-old-marriage, their supportive family members and the experience with their new additions into the Adeboye family. You should read it, she has some words of encouragement for moms and dads in waiting too.
16 years together. How have you been spicing up your love life?
Well I married my friend. I met my husband Dayo at 19 and after 8 years we got married. When the babies didn’t come early we decided to live life . We travel together a lot, we love to have fun and hang out with each other. This spiced up our love life. My husband told me he didn’t marry me for kids so if it happened, fine and if it didn’t, fine.
What’s your favourite thing about each other?
He lets me be me. He has been very supportive and protective of me.
What was it like trying for kids? How did you deal with external influence – family and friends?
It was hard. It got more and more difficult as the years went by. And when I clocked somewhere deep inside I gave up. The early years wasn’t too bad but one failed treatment after the other took its toll on me especially when Doctors tell you they cannot see why you cannot get pregnant. Husband is fine, you are fine and the diagnosis is “unexplained infertility”. I wished there was something wrong so we could even tackle it from there. For a very long time I was so confident I would have kids but as the years went by I started loosing hope and was gearing for alternative options.
My family is my support system. There was no pressure from them. Every country I went to for any treatment I had at least 2 members of my family with me. My in-laws too were very supportive. They never made me feel any type of way. My father in-law from time to time would call me and encourage me. It was not an issue. To be honest I had no pressure from inside.
Snide comments came from outside. Someone asked me once that is it that I am not interested in having kids? People advised my husband to try outside and have a child or two. People carried rumours that I was barren because my womb was full of fibroids. Some girls after finding out we don’t have kids would offer themselves to him as “baby mamas”. Like I mentioned we are friends so we would talk about all these things and laugh about it or I cry.
How’s the experience been with the new additions into the family?
lol its still surreal. I love that I am a mama now and my boys are dependent on me. I have so much to give them. I have helped raise my baby sister, my sisters kids and my friends kids so I know how to do a lot of things and hubby has picked up a lot of skills in the last 2weeks lol. We have sleepless nights now because we have to wake up to feed e.t.c but its something we do with joy.
Some nights ago I came into the room and met by husband laughing hysterically while the twins were screaming. He was like both started screaming at the same time and he didn’t know who to pick and who not to and it amused him that they both decided to start crying at the same time. I joined him in that crazy laugh and said na wa ohh, over night our lives have changed. But it’s a great change.
What’s your message of encouragement for moms and dads in waiting?
DO NOT GIVE UP. If we had given up we would not have this testimony today.When I gave up Dayo lifted me. As a couple you have to work together and be each others lifter because there are times one party will want to throw in the towel.Secondly please please please there are many medical options out there take advantage of that and do what you can. Do not sit down and do nothing, go for tests, get doctors’ opinions, try available treatments or alternatives. Do something.