How Often to Men Tell Each Other “I love you?” | Watch MENtality With Ebuka Episode Four

One of the sounds people ring into men’s ears is to be more vulnerable and stop playing hard guy, hard guy. Studies have shown that some men actually do want to be vulnerable, but often mask their emotions so they can appear strong. I know it sometimes sounds cliché, but I’d say it again: men do not always need to be strong. As humans, vulnerability helps us connect with our true selves.

In this week’s episode of the MENtality With Ebuka, Masculinity and Friendships, the hosts, Ebuka Obi-Uchendu and Banky W and the guest, Alexander Ikemefuna, discuss male friendships, what men look for in friendships, vulnerability and how friendships and relationships intertwine.

The episode opens with Ebuka describing how he and Banky W met and the dynamics of their friendship in the early days. The friendship did not start with them liking each other. Ebuka was the new guy in the media, and Banky W was one of the yankee guys who had just arrived and were already thriving in the industry. The story outlines how friendships often kick off. Sometimes, the person we did not initially like becomes one of the most important people in our lives.

However, after being mostly interrogated in the previous episode on relationships, Alexander Ikemefuna asks Ebuka and Banky W more questions in this episode. One important question he asks is if there has ever been a time when their partners told them they were not cool with their friends. This question opened the conversation about how romantic partners sometimes influence male friendships.

It is essential for everyone to have someone to talk to besides their partner, so they don’t place all their burdens on them. While your partner can be your friend, they should not bear the entire weight of your struggles. As Alexander points out, “Many men, by not being vulnerable with their friends, end up feeling lonely even in relationships and marriages.”

This conversation leads to the question of how vulnerable men are to each other. Banky W says, “As African men, let’s normalise telling your brothers that you love them.”  Ebuka agreed with this, saying, “Most male friendships always coast on ‘How far now? Show na.’ We talk football, argue and argue, then move. How often do we go deep enough to actually know we’re friends?”

Which brings the questions: Are male friendships simply casual? As a man, do you have a male friend with whom you’re really vulnerable?

The friendship episode has a lot of gems to unpack. Watch it!