Put your Money in the Bowl
Posted on Thursday, May 12th, 2011 at 2:03 PMBy Glory Edozien
It happened at precisely 3:40am on Thursday morning. For weeks I hadn’t managed to write anything I was remotely interested in, yet alone something I would publish online for my dear Bellanaija.com readers. Insomnia ravaged the inner corners of my mind and the worry of missing all my pending deadlines rose like bile to my throat. Then like magic, it happened. It was as if the writing gods had decided to give me another chance to redeem myself, another chance to prove that I merit the title “writer”.
As all writing induced light bulb moments go, they usually happen when you least expect it. So there I was chatting with my friend Chuka in the early hours of the morning about his love life. An intelligent, handsome, polite, well spoken and financially capable guy who has chosen to banish himself into the land of ‘single men’. It sometimes surprises me how many available, sane men, like Chuka exist in Lagos, yet many single women, keep going through the revolving door of clown like time-wasters who have very little to offer by way of a meaningful progressive relationship. So, as I chatted away with Chuka, I was eager to unearth the reason behind his reluctance to enter into a meaningful relationship, seeing as he possessed many qualities any woman would appreciate.
The reason was a simple one. He wants to attain a certain level of wealth before he settles into any long term relationship. According to him, this is the time for him to buckle down and hustle, so that he can be financially capable of taking care of any woman and family he has down the line. I have met many guys who think this way. To them, they see little need in being in a serious relationship now, when they could be earning loads of cash. Even guys, who are in relationships, spend ages waiting to make astronomical millions before they propose. As I pointed out to Chuka and other guys I have discussed this with, this argument is flawed in many ways.
Surely, there is little to gain in earning every naira under the sun and have no one to share it with. As a guy, how can you tell when you’ve made all the millions possible that the woman sitting beside you, loves you for you and not the money in your account? Is it really worth it to waste your youth searching for money, that may never satisfy, when you could have spent wonderful moments with a true companion? And on those nights when you feel like you can’t go on, when you need a shoulder to cry on, wouldn’t it be wonderful if you had the woman of your dreams lying next to you urging you to carry on? Plus if house helps and drivers, can on their meager salaries manage to maintain relationships and families, then surely a man in his early thirties who has been working for a fair few years, shouldn’t find this too daunting.
I know many men reading this may think I have no clue. Like Chuka said, I don’t understand the kind of pressure men of our generation are under to succeed. And this pressure not only comes from society but from us women too. We want our men to be providers and we are very vocal about it, so every man is busy trying to be just that. That maybe true, but most women I know also want to grow with their men. They want to nurture him, contribute where possible and inspire him towards something greater. No self-respecting woman wants to be just a taker, after all why have women been fighting for decades, for the right to work and earn equal pay, if they don’t intend to contribute towards the running of a home. For the right man, any woman will swim any financial length to support him. Yes, being financially capable is very important to us, but we also want our men to posses other worthwhile qualities that are of equal and possibly of more importance.
So to all my strong hustling single brothers out there, next time the weight of your wallet makes you think twice about talking to the woman of your dreams, remember that the true weight of a man lies in his integrity and overall sense of worth, and any woman worth a dime should know that. Abi, my ladies I dey lie?
Photo Credit: http://somalilandinfo.com
Tags: Glory Edozien, Money, Relationships
First to comment
on pointttt…first
first :p
Well said……….really luv d last paragragh. My dear u no lie oh…
pls help me tell these guys. most of them thinks all we ladies look for is money. personally i truly seek happiness in my marriage. am not saying money is not important, so long as the guy alredy have little that can enable us start a family, am gud to go. imagine the blessings that will come into the marriage when we come together as man and wife.
very true writter. I had a long chat with a friend abt men n their blif last night, what a coincident.
All this is story… When a man meets a woman he really wants to be with, he will state his intentions regardless of the weight of his wallet…
When a man keep making excuses, it means that he has NOT met the woman he really wants to be with… Women can be gullible sometimes…
I agree with you..
#okbye
i live with guys infact men that are old enough to get married.and a few times we get into this marriage issue,though they are far older than me.,they say “i want to get married,am looking for a wife”and at the end of the day,it boils down to the fact that they havent found “a marriage material” .mind u these guys are hustlers;they dont have very fat bank accounts but they have enuf to start a family;at least enough to feed 2 stomachs and pay bills..
so most times this excuse isnt really the ish..let dem find someone who is good for marriage and u will find them falling head over heels for the chick..
in other news one of d men(my cousin) is FINALLY getting married, i hope to be home for d wedding
My thoughts exactly. Yes a man wants to be financially secure, but when he meets the girl HE IS AFRAID TO LOOSE TO SOME OTHER MAN, he’ll up his game immediately regardless of his financial state.
We women sure believe anyyyything
Well said @ The real miss pinky… as far as I’m concerned, guys “loooong” things cos they simply haven’t met the one they want to be with OR they are not ready to commit. When a guy truly realizes that he’s met the one he wants to share his life with, NOTHING will stop him, not even his wallet. All these na indeed stories..”tales by moonlight lasan” lol
On point my dear!
I totally agree…just like how most ladies throw all funds, concern and care into their looks…As a young lady i know how tempting it is to just forget about cultivating good manners and attitudes and intellect and just wear the longest lashes, work on d cutest pouts, wear the skinniest jeans.. But after the first couple of meets/dates, that is never enough. Looks(for women) and money(for guys)…might get loads of attention but is nt enough to hold it and much more importantly hold love..
I agree with the last sentence Gloria. But lets face it. We are the same ones who measure their worth by the size of their purse or ‘assets.’ The truth is, men need a woman’s support and encouragement to get there. These single men will be better of settling down and sharing the burden with a woman who loves them. Only then will they really move forward. The same goes for women. That’s how God ordained it to be.
By the way, where have you been Glory? This place has not been the same without you.
Firstly, are you sure Chuka is just your friend. I question all these late night/early morning conversations with blokes. Sounds like the dude was hinting to you he’s a serious guy and wants to make mad dutch… hint hint…
To be fair on guys like Chuka, there’s loads of women out there who are looking for ‘made-men’ to settle down with. And i guess if anyone had a choice, they’d rather choose a wealthy bloke to a poor one who has potential to be wealthy one day.
Personally the man with potential seems more attractive, there’s something very appealing about building a future together with a man.
I guess one can only hope and pray he doesn’t ditch you when you’re old, grey and saggy.
http://wp.me/pG4Sa-96
Glory, u dey hear am…if you don’t pay @10shun to this advise, iMight have to charge you to listen….#TeamChukaanddGlory..lmao
No be lie you talk o!
I like the article……………I think men should have enough to take care of a family before taking the step to the altar but dat doesnt stop them from nurturing a relationship to determine the right person to share the certain “wealth” his hoping to attain with. I most expecially love the last paragraph as it sums it up Men shouldnt wait for wealth bc we can never get satisfied by wealth………NEVER
My girl you no lie oh! Every self-respecting lady will measure a man not by the weight of his purse or the number of digits in his bank balance, but by the contents of his heart. Give me a hardworking bloke with a solid foundation and the right goals over a ‘made’ guy any day of the week! Call me foolish, but I think guys tend to appreciate a woman who contributes, more than a woman who reaps where she did not sow.
True that there are ladies who want a ready made man but there are also ladies who don’t need a ready made man. There are two sides to this coin.
Just like anything else in life,FINDING a wife is not easy.
Cool down,open your eyes,search(nobody will hand her to you) , pray and you will find a good one.
God was serious when he said he who finds a wife has found a GOOD THING. and obtains favour from the lord.
http://lifethroughomaseyes.blogspot.com
when u meet d rite woman,money dozn’t rily mata.wat matas is settlin down wit her as fast as possible bf anoda dude grabs her.a woman in love dozn’t kia hw much a dude has in his bank acct.wetin dey wan hear na;;put a RING on it.just sayin,,,,
When a man sees who he wants,cash or no cash,he will go for it..regardless of everything
But we ladies like better sha…..
Yes, We woman value men with the right integrity and sense of worth. Some of us will help our right men carry the weight. The thing is that men need to expose themselves to as many women. That way they know that money is not all most women are looking for.
but if he’s not ready to settle down, then he’s not ready. abi? why do people act like once someone is capable physically, emotionally, financially, in their career, etc, then the next stop is marriage. is this a recipe for life? and then a mortgage. and then after that children. and then he/she has arrived?!?! please, if he is not ready, HE IS NOT READY. he does not want right now. when he wants, he will marry. kapish. no long thing. folks need to take a chill pill, for real
Most women would be willing to give a guy a chance if he seemed hard working and appeared to be someone who’s going somewhere. You dont necessarily have to have ‘arrived’ before you can enter into a commited relationship with someone you love. Read about the different types of Nigerian men in this article. http://woahnigeria.wordpress.com/2011/05/05/the-response-men-we-love-and-hate-by-mimi-barber
@ ugo: i concur,.naija mentality. afta uni,nysc afta ur nysc get a gud job n it must b in a bank,telecoms or d almighty oil job.There comes d questions,wetin u dey wait bf u marry or, r u married? marriage n r/ship no b d same.u have to b PREPARED,’cos once u r in u r in for real,no goin back.just sayin……
I agree with you busarni. Let me vent right quick…that Naij mentality pisses me off. Why? Biko, why must we all be pressured to follow the same pattern? I get that it’s a sign of progress but not all of us want to live our lives like we’re in a hamster wheel. Prim. school–>secondary school–>college–>Master’s or sum’n in jand or Yankee–>get some experience in said country–>get a high flying job in an oil company/consulting firm/bank–>get married–>have kids. Refusal or resistance to follow this model will bring reactions from some members of your family (not even nuclear o) about how you might be doing something wrong. “I know you’re an adult and you can make your decisions o, but I think…” Let me make my damn mistakes; I no wan work for bank/oil company/accounting firm. It’s not what I studied; it’s not why I studied what I studied. Husband/wife time no reach…all this yeye pressure on our generation despite globalization e haff tire me. If we’re not ready (pun intended), we’re not ready niyen.
Nice article…helped calm me down cos am in a relationship with a really cool guy who has lots of potential but sometimes i get worried if i shudn’t have just gone for an already made man…every womans prayer is that when the man she’s with finally makes it…he wont leave her…amen…mine wont!
@ writer God bless you o how would they find a real woman if they feel money is everything when it comes to us women i get so fed up when i hear from our men that all we ladies want from them is money gosh! what happened to true feelings, real love? like my mum always tell me “it better to start together with a man who is trying to survive than to be with a rich man who you have no idea how he made his money” ..
have had a testimony about this young man who after his university got good grade, and finished his nysc yet 2 years later he was struggling to get a job so marriage was the last thing in his mind as he felt like he couldn’t provide for his own family anyway he met this lady and loves her so much so against what odds he married the lady with the help of both families after wedding the guy applied for jobs and he got one, not just any job but a good job with great salary a official car and house so can you imagine if he didn’t get married am sure by now he would be either unemployed or not earning enough. God has his way of doing things , we humans can try but God has the over head say in all we do….
Well Said. We make plans:God laughs.
i agree with u wholeheartedly
I truly believe money is very crucial in a relationship and we should not deceive ourselves considering the economic situation in Nigeria. A married couple should be clear about their financial goals before they get married. As far as I am concerned, women love being pampered and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, though we can go out of our way to assist our men when the need arises, but the buck stops on the man’s table. A woman has so many roles to play in the home and she does not have to take on the financial burdens if she does not have to. If a man is responsible enough to get married it is expected that he should be able to face the responsibility of PROVIDING for his wife and children. What I chose to do with my money is my business. If a lot of men take this very seriously, you wont find so many marriages breaking down. Any sensible woman should take serious interest in her husband’s finances and should ensure that adequate provision is made for the family. Nigerian men are notorious for never planning their financial estate and this has affected many women and children.
Try reading proverbs 31….it is not just the guy’s responsibility to provide for his family…that is more tradition than biblical…..enuff said…
I am surprised. Ladies seem to agree with dating empty pocket guy. From experience as a man, they type of ladies I like hardly turn to my side whenever I’m broke. Lets no decive ourselves, no lady likes or commonly falls in love with a penniless man, only on few rare occasions. A broke, I need a girl, not just any girl, pls write me. The best girl will receive my reply… ekenestyle@yahoo.com
My Guy, no mind them jare. I only read stuff like this online – it is never so in real life. So I tell my brothers, chase money – you may lose one or two good girls – dont worry, there would be others .
Being a single male has loads of advantages: you can plan your life with little pressure (since you are only planning for 1 person – you), you can devote all your energy and resources towards acheiving your own goals, you ‘re answerable to no one so you can take a lot of risks (e.g take a year of work to go for a graduate program, gamble your money on risky but profitable undertakings), be free from all sorts of Women wahala (you need loads of mental clarity while starting out in life) . . . the list extends forever. Mere being in a relationship can throw a few spanners in your meticulous plan – instead of spending precious time on working on getting to your destination, you are fighting on the phone with your Babe or at best re-assuring her of your love – WTF?.
Women are at an advantage ‘cos at the end of the day: if you get married without making a couple of mile-stones in your life (and lose sight of those goals ), they are still your responsibility and ‘re gonna come back at you with ‘when I met you, you had so much potentials’. We Men ‘re hardly ever fulfilled if we are not at reasonable par with our peers: we need to be the Alphas both in our homes, at work and amongst our peers – only then are we fulfilled.
If you meet a Babe and she tells you she ain’t ready for marriage, it ain’t a big deal, but if you are a Guy, you have a reasonable job with alright income, it becomes an issue if you wanna pursue your ambitions?Every family and church member is on your case to be responsible?
P.S: Sorry ’bout the ranting, I guess I was a little pissed.
that no be lie .i agreeee
it is better to cry in a BMW than on a BIKE as in OKADA…, nevertheless true love comes 1st.
like the comment “we make plans:God laughs”
may God help us coz even if a lady struggles with a guy and at the end of the day he makes it for some they appreciate the woman who stood by them during the trying times and for some the lady means noting to them and they begin to search for a lady who matches up to their new status and end up breaking the heat of the lady.i am a victim of this experience and av learnt my lesson and put every thing into God’s hands so i could meet my own man. (u dont publish my post. why?)
as far as i am concerned, LOVE! should be the bed rock of any sincere relationship.just as my friend said: many a girl thinks all guys want sex and while many a guy thinks all girls wants money or wealth as a criteria for marriage. I am an apostle of a true love! Gbam!
We discuss love like its something we pick off the shelf in a supermarket. Love is not easy to find and certainly not easy to keep or maintain. We are constantly faced with challenges individually and collectively. I don’t blame Chuka for choosing to build his empire before settling down. This is what defines him as a man, gives him purpose to accomplish his objectives and ultimately lead to personal fulfillment. I think its better to people to be single sort themselves out then consider marriage. Who’s to say whether Chuka is dealing with other personal issues??? There is a time for everything. We live in a society where once you reach a certain age it is ultimately expected of you to marry and settle down. In reality this isn’t always the case.
“the true weight of a man lies in his integrity and overall sense of worth, and any woman worth a dime should know that.”
On point.
All I can say is that, I completely agree that Love is essential to a relationship/marriage for it to work, but at the end of the day, love don’t pay the bills!