Fola Daniel Adelesi: Smart Devices or Smart Couples

We are in the days of smart phones, but the people who are using those phones don’t seem to get smarter. The technological world is selling so much to us and all we do is consume. We want all the latest devices to show that we have arrived, even when we don’t need them and those companies are raking in all the money. Check the list of fortune 500 companies or other lists where big and successful companies are listed. Next to oil are companies selling the devices that you and I are crazy about. That is not the most painful to me; the most painful is the fact that smart devices have become so smart that couples have given their spouses second place after the smart phones or devices.

Today’s greatest threat against marriages might not be the young girls out there flaunting themselves at your husbands or the big aristos – rich older men – promising tempting money to your wives. It may not be the relatives of your spouse who want your spouse to marry another person – it just might be the smart devices in your hands.

We all know that communication is one of the strongest pillars of the marriage. When communication is down, then the marriage is as good as dead. What then is working against the communication in marriages today? People are beginning to communicate with their smart devices much more than they communicate with their spouses!

You go to work all through the day and are busy with all the computers or smart devices and you still come back home to get busy with all these devices. There are people who no longer give their spouses attention because they have become so engrossed with chatting away online and checking pictures on the various available social media platforms. I think that the smart devices have made some people become very insensitive to the people around them in their houses.

We all have to check ourselves and be sure that we are not guilty of this act. I dare say that the more attention your phone or other devices receive the more attention your spouse will be craving for. Many people even go as far as buying the very expensive devices and they cannot give their spouses a quarter of that money – either men or women. For some other people, you cannot touch their devices because of the high value they place on the device.

Some couples also go to bed with their devices always. While the other party is waiting to discuss some issues, one acts out being busy with the device until the waiting party falls asleep. These kind of things are things that can create more cracks in your homes. When other issues come up you will think that it is those issues that are being over flooded or the person is just over reacting. You will not be able to easily connect to the fact that the smart phone got your attention much more than your spouse and what you have is a reaction to that scenario.

You can continue with your smart devices or you can choose to save your marriage. The choice is yours. In all of these, I really want you to remember that the life span of those devices, averagely, will be from one to three years. In fact, there are people who cannot keep a phone or other devices for more than three to six months! But in those seemingly short months or years, there is enough time to do more damage than your marriage can bear.

Is it going to be your smart devices all the way or your marriage all the way? The answer is not in your mouth but in your actions!

Photo Credit: footage.shutterstock.com

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Fola Daniel Adelesi is a professional public speaker who also trains other speakers, an author, business consultant and highly skilled master of ceremony with excellent poise and diction. He was on the Debaters TV reality show season 1, presented ‘You Can’ on Radio Continental in 2011, did motivational segments on Galaxy TV from Dec 2008 to August 2009 and has authored 3 books including Writing Business Proposals.

44 Comments on Fola Daniel Adelesi: Smart Devices or Smart Couples
  • peyton January 25, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    True. Not married but my phone is taking me away from my
    love (GOD). I spend too much time chatting basically online. Iam
    literally in my phone it upsets everyone around me.so am gonna cut
    down on it. Hopefully GOD helping me. Maybe I should go back to
    when I just read my bible and my novels.and watched only news
    channels

    • Fola Daniel Adelesi
      Fola Daniel Adelesi January 25, 2014 at 2:23 pm

      Hello Peyton, thanks for reading. It’s really good to watch this habit and adjust but it’s not to say that we should stay away from our smart devices. They help us work productively, you know!

  • http://www.thelmathinks.blogspot.com/ January 25, 2014 at 1:51 pm

    While I don’t agree that being attached to your device and
    having a good marriage/relationship are mutually exclusive, I
    totally hear what you’re saying. I go to bed with my ipad glued to
    my hands, nothing can take it from me. It’s not a good thing, I
    remember when my ex always chose his phone over me. We’ll get in
    bed and when I’m hoping to discuss some serious issues, I might
    have as well been talking to the wall. He’s practically deaf and
    dead to every other thing around him. All that mattered was
    whatever was going on his in phone…… Unfortunately it’s so
    addictive and helps take your mind off of so many real issues in
    your life. Pls visit my blog. http://www.thelmathinks.blogspot.com .You’ll
    be glad you did.

    • Fola Daniel Adelesi
      Fola Daniel Adelesi January 25, 2014 at 2:26 pm

      Hello Thelma, thanks for your feedback. Two quick things. This is not to say that being detached from your smart devices will give anyone a good marriage. But as you rightly pointed out with your ex, it can cause communication breakdown. I also visited your blog as you mentioned. It’s a good one and you may also want to see http://www.foladaniel.com/blog

      • http://www.thelmathinks.blogspot.com/ January 25, 2014 at 6:13 pm

        Thanks a lot Fola. Visiting your blog now!

  • chy January 25, 2014 at 2:54 pm

    I never knew I was so engrossed to my Blackberry, until the
    day my last son told me, “Mummy everyday ur pressing ur phone,
    why?”.My son was just three. That statement made it for me. My BB
    now takes only one hour of my day.

    • well January 25, 2014 at 5:57 pm

      Life was easier when my smartphone fell in the toilet. I
      was truly free and realized half the ppl I wasted time talking to
      weren’t worth it.

    • Fola Daniel Adelesi
      Fola Daniel Adelesi January 25, 2014 at 7:41 pm

      Wow, these kids watch us and they say the least expected things exactly the way they are. God help us.

  • Ohboy January 25, 2014 at 3:10 pm

    Fola O! Welldone!!

  • zizi January 25, 2014 at 4:47 pm

    A serious issue I’m trying to deal with….family’s
    complaining badly…..its really not easy staying away from ma
    phone but I’m really trying to discipline myself

  • always happy January 25, 2014 at 4:51 pm

    its the “forming busy” syndrome……how can a device made
    to foster communication now become the very thing attacking
    communication on the one on one level.

    • Fola Daniel Adelesi
      Fola Daniel Adelesi January 25, 2014 at 7:39 pm

      Well, it happens because the internet is interesting! That’s why we must check ourselves to make sure we are not giving more attention to familiar strangers than the loved ones in our lives.

  • Ebere January 25, 2014 at 5:07 pm

    God save me 4rm my phone addiction, every one around me now
    knows how addicted I am 2 my phone. No more quite time 4 me always
    pressing phone, even wen I am reading my bible in d morning I dey
    combine am wit phone, in church I dey press phone. Its bad I know
    and trusting God 4 a change, my bf and dad don talk tire. God help
    me dis year.

  • eebony January 25, 2014 at 5:21 pm

    good write up Fola,Addiction to anything is very wrong,but
    it takes discipline to correct all thesse habits,most of us cant
    stay away an hour from our devices,this is the best time to check
    all these

  • I see friends shaking hands, saying how do you do? They’re really saying I love you January 25, 2014 at 6:16 pm

    Hmmm

  • Cynthia January 25, 2014 at 6:43 pm

    I’m so guilty!!!. Lord help me. The worse Is that I can’t
    even do without an internet connection that provides these services
    on smart devices, I feel sick without an internet connection. Like
    I do not exist.

    • Fola Daniel Adelesi
      Fola Daniel Adelesi January 25, 2014 at 7:35 pm

      I feel terrible without a fast internet not to now talk about the complete absence of internet!

  • Dr. N January 25, 2014 at 7:03 pm

    So true my brother. Hubby n I keep d devices out of bed o! Discipline is key. Blogging doesn’t help either.lol. checking out yours. http://www.drnsmusings.wordpress.com

  • jcsgrl January 25, 2014 at 7:30 pm

    Ok why did I click on this post??? Was browsing BN in my phone while hubby was trying to have serious convo with me and I was just responding uh huh. Ok I’m putting the phone down to give him my undivided attention. *what did you say babe?

  • Fola Daniel Adelesi
    Fola Daniel Adelesi January 25, 2014 at 7:33 pm

    Very interesting feedback I must say. Let me also say that I try to check myself as well so I am not writing from the point of view of someone who is absolutely free! We all should give family more attention. Thank you.

  • khoryin January 25, 2014 at 8:18 pm

    I am sooo addicted to my phone! D 1st thing I pick up in the morning and that what I’m holding till I fall asleep. Even when I wake up in the middle of the night, I pick up my phone!!! Its that bad. You guys should have seen me when I my phone fell into water, it was like my best friend died! God help me oo
    Pls guys, visit talkwedding.wordpress.com

  • damsel January 25, 2014 at 8:45 pm

    My husband should read this article. His BlackBerry and
    laptop are his mistresses. He says good morning to them and good
    night to them. No matter how much I talk to him about his addiction
    it just dead end. May God help him sha.

    • Ty January 27, 2014 at 12:00 am

      Just copy the link & send as bbm message to him. I do same to wifey when I see an article I need her to read & say nothing. She reads & thinks bout it on her own. Case solved!

  • Tee January 25, 2014 at 10:06 pm

    I just love moi,I can do without my phone for days,I don’t
    chat which makes it easier.I read blog when I’m bored.I remember
    forgetting my phone at my aunt’s place for 3days and I didn’t miss
    it,all I did was to let my two sista’s know by sending them text
    with my hubby’s phone.I can’t spend more than 20k on a phone,unless
    its a gift.I love the write-up good observation Fola.I will forward
    this to my colleagues

  • Mar January 25, 2014 at 10:14 pm

    If my hubby read this I’m sure he will comment with my name written in bold letters. God help me I’m a blog freekk evry1 knws office, family functions, church always on bbm/blogs and any other tin. Hubby did not talk to me for 2days this past week all cos I can’t do without my pone. Praying seriously this addiction does nt cost me more than 2days silence. Thank you for writing this, will seriously look into switching off 1hr after I get bck from the office God helping me.

  • Fola Daniel Adelesi
    Fola Daniel Adelesi January 25, 2014 at 10:19 pm

    Thank you Tee, I pray the smart phones don’t outsmart our marriages.

  • Bobosteke & Lara Bian January 25, 2014 at 11:03 pm

    Permit me to view this from another angle.

    As you say, communication is very germane in building relationships. These devices have however taken the place of “personal” conversations: Most couples do not know how to speak to each other face to face any more and rely more and more on alternate sources of communication.

    There is something soothing, reassuring in the undulating melody of a loved ones voice, even if it is telling you to refuel the tank in your car on your way home from work. Why do you think doctors insist that a person in coma be spoken to? Its because they know that somehow that voice travels beyond the realm of vegetative synapses, neurons and the yawning gulf of unconsciousness, and you are rewarded with a slight squeeze of the hand, or a quick flutter of the eyelids and some very rare times, the faint flicker of a smile.

    I’m not saying the improvements in communications technology is to be abhorred; if anything, it has saved us from the perils of having to wait endlessly to hear from a loved one. Now there is something; remembering how our old folks had to wait to read in superlative adjectives missives from a loved one. There is something about ink and paper, staring at the curves and edges of the written words from the hands of a loved one. Today, there is something quite impersonal, remote, and removed in the typed letterings on these devices. Don’t get me wrong, it does not in any way reduce its ability to provoke whatever reactions or actions it was meant to, but imagine getting to work and reaching into your purse or jacket for something and instead, bringing out a folded piece of paper and silently reading off a scribbled love note with the goofiest smile on your face.

    There was a line in First Banks’ 2013 table calendar that “80% of our communications are non verbal”. Ever called someone and said something along the lines of “I can hear the smile in your voice?” Imagine even more the beauty of watching that smile come alive on that face; the crinkle of the fine lines along the eyes, the dimpled cheeks and the slight curve of the neck. No device can copy that. Even Skype brings delayed reactions.

    Imagine saying “I Love You” tonight to someone you truly care about. No spell checks, no abbreviated words, no slow internet to taint your delivery. Imagine helping out in the kitchen and with the kids, taking out a spot beside her, doing the dishes in your shirt and your tie askew. No words, but a grateful look to show how deeply appreciated you are at that moment. Imagine going to bed tonight wrapped in the arms of a loved one, aint no gadget the world over, no matter the price, can make you feel what you feel at that moment; warm, content, happy and blessed with a grateful prayer to God on your lips.

    • Fola Daniel Adelesi
      Fola Daniel Adelesi January 26, 2014 at 10:02 pm

      Wow! That was a long feedback but it makes a lot of sense to get personal with loved ones.

  • Dora the explorer January 25, 2014 at 11:48 pm

    It’s not just limited to the phones yo!!! I’ve got mad love for my computer as well.. they are slowing me down on a lot, in fact the entirety of the internet et al.. Discipline ya heard!!!

  • NNENNE January 26, 2014 at 12:37 am

    Like everything in life , it all depends on how the individual use it.
    For me, the smart phone is for commuting to and fro work. I ride over one hour, one way, to work daily. So am either on my smart phone at those times or reading. Sometimes I use it at launch times too. I rarely use it at home.

  • Donthavetimeforrubbish. January 26, 2014 at 4:15 am

    An incident happened last year in which I thought my BB was stolen, the kind of tension and elevated blood pressure that day was one I will never forget. Funny enough the Blackberry that i thought i had misplaced was inside my couch at home.The joy of finding it made me reflect and then I didnt renew my BIS for 2months to wean myself of the dependence and addiction.It did wonders! my people, never get too attached to a non-living item.

    • Fola Daniel Adelesi
      Fola Daniel Adelesi January 26, 2014 at 10:04 pm

      Great experience. Although I think that must have been hard!

  • Hilda January 26, 2014 at 6:37 am

    wow.this is me!
    My boyfriend complains ALL the time about my addiction to my phone and sometimes I feel bad but I run a small business so its inveitable.

  • Susie January 26, 2014 at 7:20 am

    Thanks Fola, this write up came in handy. These is the major problem I have with my hubby. It’s really disturbing when I see him on the fone for hours and not paying attention the other things that matters. He is so addicted to social media. It’s just sad. And whenever he is been talked to abt the addiction he gets upset. He hardly pays attention to me either. Am trying to get used to him and his fone and commit him to prayers, seriously. He even hides the fone from me and am not allowed to touch the fone. It’s so sad.

    • Fola Daniel Adelesi
      Fola Daniel Adelesi January 26, 2014 at 10:10 pm

      Sometimes, I admit that we all unconsciously hurt our loved ones. That was what promoted this article. I am hoping that as many as have read it will spread to others to save some marriages. Regarding your husband, I should say don’t push it too hard. Wisdom is needed so that he does not always become defensive about this. Please try this option, whenever he gets busy with his devices, pick up your own device to send him messages telling him how you lobe him and would wish to have him to yourself, at least without the interference of devices, once in a while.

  • Xtsy January 26, 2014 at 9:41 am

    I Need to be on 3 devices simultaneously to stay sane, holidays hv to be at wifi free spots

  • Que January 26, 2014 at 12:22 pm

    My own is my tablet….. I got rid of my bbs n I dont miss
    em. Now I just need to control my online presence…

  • St Catherine the Great January 26, 2014 at 9:42 pm

    Rich people wahala…..

  • deolu owodunni January 26, 2014 at 10:19 pm

    GOD bless you
    follow us on twitter.com/spacefm901
    like us on facebook.com/spacefm901

  • Rynyx January 27, 2014 at 6:12 pm

    My hubby and i have a no devices in the room policy but we have both gone back on that a couple of times. It seems like a minor thing but it can have long term effects on relationships. Amazing how devices are getting smarter but people are getting more foolish. God help us all.

  • tobeee January 28, 2014 at 1:28 pm

    I shall get smarter by doing away wth my smart fone nd giving other things priority especially God nd my bible! Thnks fola fr speaking the truth.

  • Siju March 27, 2014 at 10:16 am

    My bf complains a whole lot abt my phone addiction, he’s always like”can’t u do without ur phone?” I used to think dt he was just nagging thanks for opening my eyes to my addiction. @Fola, its nice seeing u at d top, always knew u would make it. I’m an Exmay was in j.s1 when u were our senior prefect. Ur write ups are always great. More grease to ur elbow.

  • agbeke April 10, 2014 at 10:29 am

    My hubby complains a lot abo0ut me and my BB. Will make a conscious effort going forward. Thanks

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