“Marriage is always a better option” Monalisa Chinda on being a Single Mum, New Hubby, Pregnancy Rumours & More

Monalisa Chinda

 

Yesterday Nollywood actress Monalisa Chinda had her traditional marriage ceremony to Victor Tonye Coker in Port-Harcourt (click here if you missed it).

Prior to that, she had a chat with ThisDay newspaper where she talks about being a single mum, how much she loves being loved, her past marriage with Dejo Richards, her new marriage to Victor Cole and more.

See excerpts below.

On motherhood: Motherhood is the most honourable blessing I have ever received. It has changed the way I live, think, feel and behave. Who knew you could feel so much love for someone? The only word I can think of is to describe it as a joyful experience.

On being a single mum: Everything comes in stages; they need to have a lot of patience, be flexible and hardworking. As a single working mother, I know it gets hard sometimes to raise a child on your own. Through your busy schedule, it can be easy to forget that you are not alone when you have so much to deal with. Building your own support system gives you a shoulder to lean on when it comes to all the things that come with raising a child.  It’s great to surround yourself with life-minded people or people you trust to be involved in your everyday life. In my case, I am incredibly lucky to have a wonderful family and close friends who are always ready to help as needed. And every day I feel enriched by everything that is going on in my life. I am so proud to be a mother.

On balancing work and motherhood: My daughter is my happiness; so I always have time for her.  For me, I try to always work around my daughter’s schedule. By doing this, I give my all to my profession and her upkeep. Most times, we sleep together and I make sure she doesn’t miss my presence when I am out on set. At times, I take her out to most of the places I go to and at the end of the day she is tucked into bed. I set aside some time for myself and plan how to work for the next day. This is the time I will reflect over the day’s work and prepare for the next day.

On getting married again: I would love to remarry. In fact, I’m designed to be under a man. I’m not going to lie that I like this single mother nomenclature. But whereby there is no one at the moment, one is bound to get used to the situation. It’s not a do-or-die affair because I have been there before. Anything I’m going to do now, it has to be done right. I’m not in the school of thought where the first one happened and perhaps, the second one. No, any bold step I have to take in settling down again, it has to be right. I’m not ready to make another mistake. But I will definitely remarry. I believe in the principles of marriage. Whether you like it or not, marriage is a better option. I love the whole concept and idea of love. I am open to love and marriage that would work. Marriage is always a better option and I love to be loved. I am currently engaged to the best man in this earth.  We just concluded the introduction ceremony. The white wedding is scheduled to hold soon but I will not disclose the date. But it will take place this year by the special grace of God.

On rumours that she is pregnant: You can see that I’m not pregnant. Naturally, I’m not pregnant for anybody.

On if her ex comes back to beg: God forbid! He’s a closed chapter in my life. Yes, he is the father of my beloved daughter. He speaks to his child whenever he wants to.

On divorce: One thing I regret most is the fact that I am divorced. Where I come from, I am the first daughter. I am from a royal family; it was never on record in my family that the first daughter would walk out of her matrimonial home. But it (my marriage) was a matter of life and death. Otherwise, I would have stayed back and make my marriage work. I tried to make it work, but it takes two people to tango. That’s the only thing I regret, having to raise my child without the father. It’s a bit painful. But I have to live with it. It’s better that way than to expose my little daughter to all sorts of domestic violence. It will definitely disorient her and affect her upbringing. She will be dysfunctional. God knows the best. May be, I should have been more careful and make my marriage work.

Read up her full feature here.

67 Comments on “Marriage is always a better option” Monalisa Chinda on being a Single Mum, New Hubby, Pregnancy Rumours & More
  • Kelechi February 21, 2016 at 10:28 am

    ladies, here it from the one of the strongest woman out there “I am designed to be under a man”. Don’t get it twisted your life’s gets better under the tutelage of a man. Brings me to my second point, Olajumoke’s husband should be empowered, because if the head is not protected the rest of the body will be susceptible to harm.

    • B.E February 21, 2016 at 11:56 am

      Slight correction… “a good and loving man” as there are men and there are MEN! Your life goes down under the tutelage of a weak and wicked man so ladies please choose right

      • BC February 21, 2016 at 2:38 pm

        Thankyou. Just like how a good man brings out your essence as a woman and makes you glow so one who does not know the principles of manhood drag you into the gutters.

      • nnenne February 21, 2016 at 7:55 pm

        B.E…. Thanks. You read my mind.
        “What is worth doing , is worth doing well. ”
        Wish her the very best.

    • Damilola February 21, 2016 at 1:33 pm

      @kelechi

      Not be under any kind of man. A responsible, caring man who is deserving to be the head of a household.
      Ladies, if you are under an evil man who emotionally, verbally, physically abuses you, who consistently cheats because he feels he can do it as a man. Don’t stay, bcos you are suppose to be under a man. . It’s a life or death situation, choose life. Monilisa had to leave a man who wasn’t the right man, go through the trial of been a single mom before marrying another man. And I pray, this marriage works out for her.
      Olajumoke’s husband, should be happy and support his wife through this overnight success. When a man suddenly becomes successful, his woman or wife most of the time is not a concern. Infact, sometimes the man sees it as an excuse to try different women bcos he’s so busy to attend to his wife. So, if Jumoke’s husband truly loves his wife, he will be there to morally support her and still remain the same husband that she married. I doubt, she will intentionally leave him for no reason, if he continues to love her the same way.

    • Iris February 21, 2016 at 4:01 pm

      The mistake many men make is that they assume this applies to every and any man. If that were the case she would have remarried before the ink was dry on the divorce papers. If you’re abusive, lazy, unfaithful, unnecessarily, insecure and entitled, kindly step to the left because for many women you are not part of this group of men she refers to.

      • Iris February 21, 2016 at 4:02 pm

        BN whadrisdis? Where’s my regular avatar thingy?! I don’t like change!

    • Californiabawlar February 21, 2016 at 9:22 pm

      Where did you ‘here’ that she is a strong much less of being the strongest woman out there?

    • Lizzy February 21, 2016 at 10:19 pm

      Expecting a sensible comment from a libertine no condom using guy who forced his nysc girlfriend to commit an abortion is like waiting for a chihuahua to grow as big as a mastiff. Monalisa spoke for herself and not for every woman out there. The phrase ‘strongest woman’ has been so misused. It’s been used on Annie for finally marrying someone who can’t unfortunately keep his zip closed. Staying with a domestic abusive and cheating man is also apparently a definition of strong woman. Better under the tutelage of a man my a**.

      • Kelechi February 21, 2016 at 11:21 pm

        I did not force her to do abortion, stop twisting fact. It wás a difficult situation, and I had no other option. The lady in question has moved on, why can’t you? I didn’t say u must abide by my opinion, so toe ur own path.

      • Iris February 21, 2016 at 11:50 pm

        Ehnn?! Kelechi FORCED his girlfriend to have an abortion??? Was this a BN article?

      • Lizzy February 22, 2016 at 8:10 am

        @ Iris– It was a comment from Kelechi himself on this article (bellanaija.com/2015/11/isio-knows-better-who-has-the-rights-to-an-unplanned-baby/).

      • Que February 22, 2016 at 12:06 pm

        oooo you gotta love BN’s investigative readers….@Lizzy i hail the speed with which u dug that up! Readers never forget mehn!!! looolll….

    • Hian! February 22, 2016 at 11:49 am

      ONe of the strongest women? WHo dash?

  • Chi February 21, 2016 at 11:04 am

    Strong woman
    Wise woman

    I hope others who are wallowing in abuse will get inspiration from you

  • Vidavi February 21, 2016 at 11:31 am

    This is the best I’ve seen her hair look

    • Ijebujesha February 21, 2016 at 2:59 pm

      Na wa o. It’s only her hair look you can see! On top all these big matter?

  • Md February 21, 2016 at 12:06 pm

    Women are funny, so it is no longer independent woman, hear me roar….everything a woman say should not be taken seriously

    • BC February 21, 2016 at 2:43 pm

      No, most women are not funny. Feminist thought and the whole “independent woman” thing was birthed and pushed through Western media by force by fire. You had to be independent of a man whether you liked it or not. It was literally shoved down every woman’s throat. But deep down, most women like Monalisa know that they were designed to be under a man. Not all women went along with the feminist agenda.

      • hezekina pollutina February 21, 2016 at 5:28 pm

        evolve or die.

    • Damilola February 21, 2016 at 3:51 pm

      @Md

      A woman can be independent and still be married. Being under a man doesn’t mean all your rights as a woman should be taken away. Some women’s definition of being independent mean not having the desire to be married or allow a man to be in control while some believe that as a woman it’s important to be financially and emotionally healthy, then find an equally man to be her husband. If anything happens between them, she’s financially capable to take care of herself and even her children.

      There are many single mothers who raised healthy, successful children. I personally, will like to raise my children under two parent but life is unpredictable, divorce might happen. I’m sure, I will survive being a single mom as well.

  • Well well… February 21, 2016 at 12:21 pm

    Not every woman is designed to be under a man. Some are, some just aren’t but it’s good to be honest with yourself and do what works for you.

    I’ve realized I’m not meant to be under a man so I’m currently plotting ways to remove myself from this man I’m under.

    My 2 cents!

    • Natu February 21, 2016 at 2:17 pm

      My sentiments exactly. Some women are naturally submissive (bottoms) and others are tops. I personally do not have a submissive bone in me therfore I could never be underneath a man. God forbid!!!

      • bruno February 21, 2016 at 6:36 pm

        @natu
        who gave u the right to use the terms “bottoms and “tops”
        pls dont use those words ever. they are exclusive. they are fpr a certain group of people.

        natu, u have that mentality that being a woman is weak. thats why u are distancing ur self from womanhood. who said being submissive means u are weak?

      • yeah February 21, 2016 at 10:39 pm

        I feel for your family each time i read your comments

      • seriously February 21, 2016 at 11:39 pm

        @Bruno.
        Perverted soul. Who said, top and bottom is only for gay men. Y’all are not entitled to it neither is it exclusive to only gays. And you are a weak man, thats why you feel the need to distance yourself from being a real man you will rather be servicing other men.

      • Sweetsie February 23, 2016 at 3:47 am

        For once Bruno is actually right. Being submissive does not mean you’re weak or under the bottom. You’re just a hard headed person @natu.

    • Iris February 21, 2016 at 4:03 pm

      LOL

    • samsung February 22, 2016 at 8:45 am

      My honest question for you is that why did you decide to marry him when you know you are not designed to be under any man?

      You re very selfish and will make his life miserable by doing that. I hope you dont have kids yet so you dont make their lives miserable by your selfish act, as well.

      • Mz Titilitious February 22, 2016 at 10:32 am

        @Bruno love ur comment

      • Mz Titilitious February 22, 2016 at 10:32 am

        Bruno is a female

      • sumsang February 22, 2016 at 12:48 pm

        Judgmental much? Wow, you sure sound high and mighty!! I guess your life is Purrfect!! Never made ANY mistakes in your life have you? Wow, how it must feel to be perfect like you!!!

  • ElessarisElendil February 21, 2016 at 1:00 pm

    Of course marriage is better, you save more money by sharing.

    • ATL’s finest February 21, 2016 at 2:52 pm

      @ ElessariaElendil ?????really? That’s all u thot of adding of all the positive things??? Smh well your 2 nickles make sense sha.
      I’m so PROUD of her & she did the BEST for her daughter. Bn in an abusive relationship is no JOKE. Although I have never experienced it but seeing friends & FAM go through it isn’t funny at all. No1 is worth loosing their life just trying to stay married or save the marriage. She came out stronger. Yes, she’s suppose to be under a man however, he wasn’t worth bn married to so she exited. Women take note oo love no reach there.

  • Cindy February 21, 2016 at 1:04 pm

    Whatever rocks her both. And @kelechi he spoke for herself please and not ever woman. Recieve sense.

    • Charles February 21, 2016 at 4:55 pm

      You sound bitter though, over that harmless comment…

      • bruno February 21, 2016 at 6:07 pm

        its because theres no man in her life thats why. lol

        u can smell the loneliness and bitterness from her comment. continie forming sasha fierce on bellanaija. we all know girls like cry alot in private.

        loool

  • IJS February 21, 2016 at 1:04 pm

    @kelechi, tutelage tho?

  • Miss E February 21, 2016 at 1:13 pm

    My sister tell dem marriage is not a do or die affair

  • zee February 21, 2016 at 1:52 pm

    To think dat she looks better on dis pic dan she looked on her wedding day!!!

  • I February 21, 2016 at 2:07 pm

    Show us in the Bible where they wrote it. Ephesians5:22 says “be submissive to your husband” AS IS FITTING to the Lord, not “because he was made to be over you as your King and life”, but because he is the head of the home and we are his companions and ought to respect him to make it work. If you can’t understand this, sit down, get a dictionary, and ponder.
    For so many years, people have misused this passage to bully, maltreat and abuse women to the point of death. It is ENOUGH! We should LOVE each other as we love ourselves, because that is God’s #1 commandment. Women and men are equals in God’s eyes, nobody was made to be under anybody that is not her HUSBAND who loves her in the way God loves the church (which was also in a submissive way to the point that He lowered His high position as God and never used it to bully or maltreat or take salary or have an inflated ego and sense of self)

    I know that you are blind to Ephesians5:21 that says “submit to each other out of reverence to the Lord”
    That is the verse before “women be submissive”, just in case you don’t understand.
    When Adenuga/Dangote/Otedola/Danjuma/PSquare/AY comedian/Basketmouth became wealthy, hope you told them “I hope you are empowering your wife”. Women played those domestic and weaker roles in those days because men did the hunting while women kept the peace at home. That is not the case in this situation. I don’t think Anybody has to do ANYTHING about Jumoke’s situation. He was working before? Let him keep working. If God’s luck shines on him, he will definitely get better job opportunities. Or are you suggesting that Jumoke and other of such women should give their husbands their salary, spend less than their husband makes ie don’t buy a nicer car/weave than he can afford.

    I’m a non-drinking, young, educated, married Catholic Christian who doesn’t go clubbing or show skin or wear weaves. But the truth is the truth; are you supporting and encouraging frustrating cultural norms, or are you uplifting Christianity as it OUGHT to be.

  • Chioma February 21, 2016 at 2:07 pm

    I used to be one of those ladies who claim to be independent and all. I was tough, no nonsense, rich and career oriented. I used to be one who swore up and down not to need a man or require marriage. *Sigh

    Well, my current Fiancé wooed me for a long time. I eventually succumbed because he was persistent. Oh my Gosh, how I loooovvve this man and would be getting married in 3 months.

    I say that to say this: SOMETIMES, we ladies form independent and strong because we don’t want to be hurt. But to be honest, we want love and warmth.

    I was strong and beautiful on the outside but I was tired of being miss independent. I was tired of doing it all myself. Miss independent also needs love.

    I pray that all ladies who desires a good man finds him. God said he will grant our heart desires. He didn’t say when, but he said he would. Happy married life Monalisa.

    • PD Young Billionaire February 22, 2016 at 2:48 am

      @Chioma……All the best as you get married!Marriage is beautiful if you are with the right person.

    • samsung February 22, 2016 at 8:51 am

      BN, this is the comment of the day!

      You need to have a section for comment of the day.

      Here it is for this day

      @BellaNaija
      #BNcommentoftheday

    • Somtoo February 22, 2016 at 1:48 pm

      Amen oo because i am ready to marry now. hhehehehehehehehe. But i am so scared, too many wolves out there.
      Lord open my eyes, if my boo is around me, pls show me. If he isn’t, please rocket him to me sharp sharp na, I dont want to form fine independent woman again. I haff tire

  • Ijebujesha February 21, 2016 at 3:09 pm

    Thumbs up to this lady. Many Nigerian women with failed marrriages or no marriage keep consoling themselves with ‘marriage is not an achievement-it sure is-and all sorts of lame excuses. In their privacy, they die of loneliness and long for a man but they come out in the open and put up a face. If I failed in school or couldn’t afford school, shouldn’t fool myself that schooling is no big deal. It sure is a very big deal,,only that I couldnt make it through school. Perpetually deceiving oneself hinders you from trying again and spreads negativity. Well, unless you desire that others fail because you did. Come to terms with reality, marriage isna beaitiful thing if it works.

  • Kim kim February 21, 2016 at 4:46 pm

    She said that she was designed to be under a man, she didn’t say all women were designed that way,. I, for one, do not desire to be under any man. I was designed to be above not under any body. I’m all about independence. @Md.

    • Curios” February 21, 2016 at 5:53 pm

      How old are u kim? Wud u stil hold unto this philosophy in ten years time.

  • pastorpikin February 21, 2016 at 5:52 pm

    now who says you can’t be independent in a marriage? to me being independent means u can make decisions about your health, career, wealth and other tins(not wealth created together o or even children…u get the point), and u will still be respected, trusted and loved.

  • Kim kim February 21, 2016 at 6:17 pm

    Curious, I will. I am chasing a much more bigger goal in life. I don’t have time for love and marriage bcos it will only draw u backwards and African men?? Omg They don’t like successful women, who are we kidding?? I’ll just face my goal and make sure I achieve it

    • Anon February 21, 2016 at 9:57 pm

      So true!

    • PD Young Billionaire February 22, 2016 at 2:53 am

      Hmmm……if you don’t like African men,then marry a non-African.Marriage is good for companionship if you are with the right person.

      • PD Young Billionaire February 22, 2016 at 2:56 am

        …….and marriage doesn’t draw everybody backwards.It makes your life more beautiful if you are with the right person.

  • Prince February 21, 2016 at 8:43 pm

    marriage is good, a very wonderful institution created by God. However it is not a do or die affair. What we should aim for is a fulling life.

  • Californiabawlar February 21, 2016 at 9:14 pm

    All I know is this, no woman speaks for me. Every human is different….
    E.g. I was watching ‘how to tie a scarf’ tutorials on YouTube just last night…one thing stuck out to me in one of the videos, the girl was so girly…the way she smiled, the way she delicately handled the scarves, her well manicured nails… I could go on, but you get my point. She reminded me of so many girls I went to boarding school with, girls that you could see from the way they carried themselves, the classes they chose, the romantic books they read, their ambition…. I could see them growing up to be similar to Mona and in fact they did!
    Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying every girly girl is born to be submissive and dependent on men…I’m saying even looking back at my childhood nothing about me and a lot of girls I know in our own unique ways spoke of the NEED to be married. Did God not create the rest of us? Did He make a mistake? Did we get dropped on our heads as children?
    How is it that when I think of marriage and husband, I think friendship, companionship, sex and love making, financial teammate….not master or teacher or even ‘Head’ as christians like to call them.
    Last night as I layed in bed, My minded tried to explore being the person I thought that girl was….that I grew up dreaming about wedding dresses and protective husbands…that all I had to do was find me a decent man and let him take the reigns of my life…. I tell you, from the other side looking in y’all seem to be doing good for yourselves! Well unless he beats the hell out of you and then you find yourself another master….and then another and then another. But that doesn’t even happen all the time and even if, you still get some great times from the cycle. Shrugs.
    Now back to who I am…lols 😀 mr Kelechi said tutelage…this is coming from a philandering abortionist…but we all should believe you hook line and sinker because you have a penis? Yup.

    • Kelechi February 21, 2016 at 11:34 pm

      It is all good if you ain’t girly but don’t act up when a man start treating you as a man. You all don’t know what you want, until it dawns on you. That’s why I say ladies like you, don’t know what you want. Men like us, have to want it for you. Do you know what it means for a man to treat you like a patner? It is a raw deal my dear, absolved of any emotional consideration (50/50).

      For your last bit, was that necessary? Grow up, the lady in question has moved on and doing extremely well.

      • Californiabawlar February 22, 2016 at 8:15 am

        Lmaooo! I don’t know what I want? In what aspect of my life you gon make decisions for me? Please let me know….My career or my family? Real estate or investments? Hehehe! Oh okay… I see relationships right? You know according to your resume, say I got pregnant for a douchebag like you, you’d be able to step up to the plate and force me to decide to remove it? Hmmmn….makes sense! you’re the one going raw with a woman you had no plans wifing, had to make her get an abortion and then you felt proud enough to share the info on social media…n-word please.
        You need to work on yourself, again I say, your penis doesn’t bestow wisdom and/or intelligence…quit showing your behind.
        I know what it feels like to be with a partner…you complete each other…you take care of me and I take care of you…
        And about being treated like a dude? I don’t need men that I’m not in romantic relationships with treating my different. I keep thinking all these men (past and present) in my life must have gay tendencies…only that the titties and hips are a dead giveaway ??

      • kelechi you better change your name February 22, 2016 at 8:55 am

        Kelechi, change your name and your email address simple!
        These ladies wont forget shit

      • JayJay May 27, 2016 at 2:32 am

        @ Kellechi or whatever animal you are named, You sound like an animal and this is coming from a guy, obviously very sensitive and get mad when the women talk back to you,aand rightfully so, i am raising a daughter with my wife and doing the best I can to make sure she contributes her best to society, if she like she marry if she doesn’t, no problem. whether you like it or not marriage is not designed for everyone and to open your rotten mouth to talk rubbish shows your parents have failed woefully in raising a decent human being.. My friend shut up and sit down.. foolish

    • Californiabawlar February 22, 2016 at 10:27 am

      Reins….
      Baby girl….you have to spell better ?

  • Curios” February 21, 2016 at 9:45 pm

    @kim Hehehe much bigger goal indeed! Those wu are married dont have ambitions/fulfilling lives…does anyone else si how dumb this arguement it?…omotola, omoni oboli, ngozi okonjiweala, dora akunli (of blessed memory) just to mention a few are all married women…with kids and wonderful families…and of course are at the zenith of their respective careers!
    Sweetheart personally idont tink marriage is “compulsory” neither is it a “do or die tin” or an “achievement” for instance u could decide 2becom a reverend sister!….my issue its simple dont give stupid excuses for ur lack of ability/luck to have a good relationship. This i dont nid a man sermon is usually common with ppl wu have had bad experiences in relationships! Pls open ur mind u dont shut down a vital part of ur life bcos of bad xperiences…u wud regret it at old age.

  • Mz_daniels February 21, 2016 at 11:13 pm

    Marriage is a good thing. I grew up in a loving home so I know. Human beings are created for companionship male or female.

    The term ‘under a man’ is one kain oh. Na only missionary una dey do? But seriously, companionship and love is a good thing.

    Women are just tired of being hurt that being alone is a better option and being alone is 1000x better than being in an abusive relationship.

    That said, may we all find what we’re looking for

  • phiney February 22, 2016 at 9:56 am

    some were born eunuchs.some make themselves eunuchs and some are made eunuchs by ‘men’. If marriage was for everyone,even Jesus would have married.Some people will marry even five times in their lives but some will never ever be married no matter how excellent they are.There is no rule anywhere that states a woman must marry and submit to a husband.Marriage is not a do or die affair.And will never be for everybody.
    As for me,I have never liked marriage.Many great guys have come but I have never been interested.I am not a flirt.I am not interested in men or women.I am thirty one and I am minding myself.My level of discipline is super high and commendable.Many guys get attracted to me because of my discipline alone but marriage sounds like a prison to me.I like that when I want to go,I just go.When I want to come,I just come,but all in the line of discipline.
    Marriage is not for everyone and you all should know that and forget this issue.It will happen to those that it will happen to.

    • Californiabawlar February 22, 2016 at 10:25 am

      I have always maintained that if I was Catholic or understood catholicism, I would straight up be a nun….like for real! I wish anglicans had our own version of sisters…it’ll be so dope!
      couple of (rhetorical) questions:

      1. Do you not feel like pressure from the society has shifted your stance on marriage? Even just a little? I personally never thought of getting married until I turned 22 or so…as in the thought never even crossed my mind! If I was with a dude it was because I enjoyed his company and making out with him lols! I never thought of living with them…not to mention the having kids by them.
      But once my friends starting getting hooked, and everyone started asking me…the concept began to invade my consciousness slowly but surely.

      2. So if you have no plans of getting married, have you made plans for your old age? I’m good with my life right now…but I don’t want to be alone from my 50s on o! By that time all my friends will be married. I’m a very social being (just like everyone). While I might not inherently crave something as deep as marriage, I definitely need human contact on a steady basis…plus studies show that it’s important for a long life. I feel like sacrificing my 30s and 40s is needed to reap what I want in the future.

      • JayJay May 27, 2016 at 2:30 am

        Well be honest with yourself, get married cos you want to not cos society says so you will regret it..2nd just cos you are married does not mean you wont be alone when you age, there are very many lonely people in marriages today dont kid yourself. All in do what works for you b but I would say do it cos that is what you want not cause you think you dont want to be alone, remember there are no guarantees.. If you dont want it just say NO, no need for those I dont need a man excuse of any kind just say No or Yes when I find one.. etc..

    • Miss Magic February 22, 2016 at 8:01 pm

      Hi Phiney.. you sound a lot like me, I’m thinking we need to be friends..

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