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Aunty Bella: Miss Heavy Heart

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Dear Aunty Bella,

I have got this heavy load in my heart and it is rather unfortunate that I have no one to tell because I am scared of getting the wrong advise. I need your help please.

I am from a family of 6 where I happen to be an only girl with 3 brothers. My family (including extended family) is particularly over protective about me but lately I have been given a free hand because I am a graduate and now have a job. I am 26 yrs old.

I met a guy in 2008 July precisely,he is 15 years my senior. He is every inch a nice person although he has his bad side. He talked about settling down and I was (and is still) game.We have been dating and everything seemed ok till November 30th 2009.

Prior to this time, I had always wondered why someone of his age was not yet married. He gave an excuse that his last relationship lasted 5 years and the lady eventually called it quits for reasons best known to her and eventually got married to a legislator. He also said she was a single mom. At some point I became apprehensive about him leaving me or the marriage thing not working out.This thought always got me depressed and made me cry. I feel my world would crumble if I don’t marry this guy. That is how much I am in love with him.A lot of people have known us together as an item and he has even gone to see my parents.

On the 30th of Nov.,this same apprehensive thought reared its head in my mind and I began to cry, I was in the office at this time and alone. Coincidentally,there was a tap at the door and I hurriedly began to wipe my tears before the door goes open. The door went open and there he was. He noticed I had been crying and immediately sensed it was about him. I couldn’t deny it. It was at this point he told me that he had something to tell me.He said this thing made him foot drag about the wedding process. You can imagine my curiosity. He said he had mumps when he was a child and it has affected his sperm. According to him,each time his ex took in,she always had miscarriages and when they consulted a doctor,who asked them to go trough some test,it was discovered he had Low Sperm Count with weak cells.

This revelation devastated me.I have never been this confused in my entire life. My boyfriend also said he looking at the option of assisted pregnancy (IVF and other options). He says he is scared of putting me through the stress of assisted pregnancy techniques. I love him and I am willing to go through it with him.

My worry:
My mom’s younger sister married a man with similar problems and he has been treating her unfairly.They have been married for 15 yrs with no issue. Her husband is so adamant and is not willing to go for any form of treatment or assisted pregnancy.

Now my boyfriend having gotten my assurance that I will stand by him says he is going to see my parents in January, but I am so scared. Scared that he will behave like my aunt’s husband (She hasn’t seen him in d last 3 months, he claims a woman now has a son for him!).
We also had an agreement that after the introduction, we would try assisted pregnancy, wait till I get pregnant ,before we go ahead with the marriage. But the amount (cost) for this is so huge!

What do u think? I am in love and I am scared stiff….

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