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Aunty Bella: Miss Star’s Side

“Aunty Bella” is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. It was the first regular “feature” during our days as a blog and it has remained one of our favourites since then.

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*photo is strictly for illustration and does not depict the sender of the letter - Photo Credit: African Star

Aunty Bella” is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. It was the first regular “feature” during our days as a blog and it has remained one of our favourites since then. It has been a while since our last Aunty Bella dilemma – this is because we often get submissions which are similar to issues covered in the past. We just had to bring Aunty Bella back after we received this email.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Hello Aunty Bella,

I am a major BN addict, I visit from my BB all day and leave a few comments once in a while. Coincidentally, it is the source of my dilemma that brought me to Bella Naija for the first time. I was googling his name (Don’t judge me lol) and the old blog came up and I have been hooked since then.
Now my issue, my relationship is going through a very rough patch. I have been with my boyfriend for some years, you could say that we are longtime sweethearts. We have had our off and on moments like many couples but it has been mainly ON!

There is one piece of information that is vital to my issue and this is the cause of all the sleepless nights and fights that I go through everyday. My boyfriend is a celebrity, when we met, he was struggling to make it in his field. When I say struggling, I mean struggling. Only someone who has dated an artiste (musician, actor, dancer, comedian etc…) will understand. It is not just a financial thing but also a mental thing. We would spend hours praying for his breakthrough, he would spend so much time scrapping around for money to pay for studio time. He would be hustling to meet this producer or that producer or this popular artiste or that popular record company person. He would go out to perform at shows only to came home and tell me that he didn’t even perform or get paid because he was not officially on the bill. However, there was one main thing that kept us through it all, our friendship and bond. I was his closest confidant and I could boldly proclaim that I knew him better than anyone. Even my parents were initially against our relationship, asking me “what job does he do?”, “did he graduate from university?” etc… but because of the way I presented him to them as a humble, hardworking guy, they accepted him as my choice.

Now to the present, what we had been praying for has arrived. The stardom, the money etc… but this has almost completely destroyed my relationship. Sometime ago, when I read of another star and his wife’s breakup, my literally heart stopped beating for some seconds but I then exhaled and said it can never happen to me. Suddenly, some months down the line, I am not so sure. It started with the small things – his phone ringing non-stop all night, blackberry beeping all day and then his started locking his phone (something he never did before – he said it was for security incase someone stole it). Then the interviews, he would say he was ‘single’, when I would complain, he would say that it was for PR as advised by his management. At events, he would never allow us walk the red carpet together – he said it is to protect me and our relationship (that he doesn’t want public/tabloid attention on our relationship). Also, I curse the day that twitter was created. I had to stop following him because I couldn’t stand to see all the “I love you too baby” messages to his “fans” – I sometimes wonder – are they just fans? Let’s not talk about the non-stop events in universities in Nigeria (I have heard too many tales about some of these uni girls) and other events abroad (heard the foreign fans are worse). At first, I used to accompany him but have my own job so had to cut down.

Honestly, he is still a lovely boyfriend who whenever we are together, makes me feel very special. – he is also generous. Though I sometimes feel he is now more of a smooth loverboy than the best friend he was before. When I ask him about all this, he laughs and brushes it aside. He refuses to have a serious discussion about it.

The stem of all this is I no longer feel like his best friend. His management and others seems to have taken that place. Ok, I may seem jealous and insecure but not many women would be able to handle this. Sometimes I am scared to think of my future with him, will I look after the kids alone while he travels around? If the fame goes will he be able to handle it and what else will he do after that?

What can I do?

Miss Star’s Side

72 Comments

  1. Ronnie

    September 2, 2010 at 11:31 am

    I sure know how you feel!!..It’s not easy to date someone in the lime light except he is really really really grounded. It’s even harder in Nigeria ‘cos these guys have to really hustle to get and maintain stardom. Most guys shy away from talking but that’s what you need to do girl..you don’t want to feel like you wasted all your years with him only for it all to end with a broken heart.

  2. Shola Pacheco

    September 2, 2010 at 11:35 am

    Its quite an Unfortunate situation. Your Question in all honesty to yourself should be, “Am I really ready to live like this 5 or 10yrs down the line?

    is the Love still there ? or maybe U just can’t see your hardwork going to waste???

    There are artist out there Who make their relationship status know or better still If he has to go by his PR Management’s advice. its understandable.But when a man becomes really evasive with conversations …The alarm bells go off.

    No one can really tell you what to do but Have it at the back of Ur mind that a broken Courtship is far better than a broken marriage.

    And above all Pray, When You pray and believe some things become clearer than U think….

    All is well.

    • Senorita

      September 2, 2010 at 12:42 pm

      Word!!!

    • Alfie

      September 3, 2010 at 11:05 am

      This person has too much sense….couldn’t have said it better myself.

    • JM

      September 5, 2010 at 12:13 am

      I swear Shola u need to start your own blogs!

  3. adenike

    September 2, 2010 at 11:40 am

    Gosh! *Sighs terribly*………… I was discussing this issue with my BFF during lunch yesterday while watching “Wande Coal/R2Bees”,i told her that left to me,these celebrities;musicians/actors will never have wives/girlfriends. You should have anticipated this honestly;I’m pretty shocked that you’re shocked..
    My advice is this,if you truly LOVE him,turn a blind eye and bury yourself in your job,it ain’t easy but it’s the best option right now if you don’t want to end up with hypertension. I was on twitter yesterday and a girl tweeted “Lynxxx” saying “I’ll wanna have your babiesssssss”..Immediately,i pitied the dude’s girlfriend (that’s if he has one). Funny enough your boyfriend may not be the randy type,but like my mum says all the time;even if the dudes don’t go looking for the girls,the girls will come looking for them.
    I think the dude loves you,so please hang on OK?
    P.S: Try as much as possible not to look back at his struggling days;human beings naturally hate been reminded of how they were helped to the top. He might think you believe that’s your weapon against him….
    All the best Sis!

  4. Tomi

    September 2, 2010 at 11:42 am

    Only you will know whether this is the man to marry but as someone who has been married for almost 10 years, here’s my experience; it will not get better just because you have a ring on the finger. If you can’t cope with the ‘third parties’ now, it’ll be even harder in marriage and with children. You’ve got to decide the kind of life you want – some people thrive in this and maybe you’re one of them or maybe even your love together is strong enough to withstand – just know sha that starting a marriage with issues like these can make it difficult.

    • Kemi

      September 3, 2010 at 11:50 am

      Correct..it doesn’t get better cos there’s a ring on ur finger….so whatever u re getting now is wat u re gonna be getting when he finally decides to make it known to the public..and that’s if he would get get there with you. So pray…n b wise about ur decisions.

  5. Hotchocolate

    September 2, 2010 at 12:05 pm

    One of aunt says the question that only u can ansa is the best answer. u have asked yourself the question but am not sure u have really answered it. if u really care have a very serious conversation with him on where u too are in the relationship from his response u will know what’s going on with him.

  6. Me

    September 2, 2010 at 12:26 pm

    Not many people can handle success very well. How he handles it will determine whether your relationship will go further.

  7. u dont lose what you never had

    September 2, 2010 at 12:32 pm

    “he is still a lovely boyfriend .” sweetie that means he is still “single” . ok, i get. u would have felt okay if he says am in a relationship huh?
    but dont mind him. i think he just wants to eat his cake and have it. he wants to have fun n later settle down to marriage. that xplains y “At events, he would never allow us walk the red carpet together”. there r some celebs that u dont even no anything abt there love life then the next morning, d news is all over that they will be wedding “this saturday”. just relax abit pls. i think he loves u but wants to “enjoy” himself first. It actually takes d grace of God for one in that field to really “behave” themselves

  8. Cutie

    September 2, 2010 at 12:51 pm

    RELATIONSHIPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HMMMMMM, it always has a sweet beginning while some end dat way, d others end wit a bitter experience. My dear, u r in a dialema only u can help urself out….our advice might help a litu but ur decison (s) says it all. I will hv to take some lines frm Shola’s comment “U just cant see ur handwork going to waste”. Most of us ladies dont want to c our hardwork go down d drain (Yes dats is very good) but sometimes it tie us down into a relationship dat isnt worth it cos u guys hv bin tru alot togeda( i was a victim until i tuk a bold step). My dear, dis is d right time to think and make a bold decision – if u want to go on or back out, if u r willing to go on, then u nid to start thinking of praying Extra hard to get ur man to urside. Nike has said in her comment and i will also advice u bury urself in ur job…dat will b ur saviour wen trobu time comes…wish u all d best.

  9. Hawt Nerd

    September 2, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    @Shola and Tomi: You are so right. A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage. Even for some of us married to lesser mortals, it is not easy not to talk of stars. The truth is that those stars need to marry someone, no doubt about that. The decision about whether or not to be the person is all yours. My prayer since I got married has always been…O Lord that level of comfort, friends, connections, cash or material possessions that will rob us of peace in our home, please take it away, sharply. And my hubby after prayers will ask….Haaaa, what sort of babe I marry so?! Not like I do not love comfort oo, lai lai..but babes peace and that bond which you speak of is much more enjoyable. The truth is that the things that usually lead to broken marriages are always there from the beginning of relationships, the only thing is that we choose to ignore it or we bone it thinking we can live with it. Be assured no relationship is perfect. May the good Lord guide you and assist you make the best decision for peace of mind, amen…..

  10. ma

    September 2, 2010 at 2:25 pm

    As the saying goes, love is not blind, we are the ones who choose not to see even when the signs are all over & the hand writing is on the wall.

    Let’s trade places & assume she’s the star & she’s doing all these to the guy, he’ll take it in his strides & drink it down with a glass of champagne abi?

    Oh! I love him, we’ve come a long way together, no one can take my man from me…. and he’s putting her through all these???? Going about telling anyone who cares to listen that he’s a free agent (single)??? P.R my foot!!!
    I agree with her, the guy loves her, true, true gan…

    Him dey think say, she’ll always be there abi??? I place a premium on myself & frankly @ this stage of my life I won’t allow anyone play Russian roulette with my heart or emotions for that matter..

    I no fit shout o!, Any babe who isn’t proud to be seen with on the red carpet or anywhere else for that matter simply cause she’s a star, then she doesn’t deserve me! Period!

    I can assure her now whatever he’s doing now is only a tip of the ice berg/prelude compared to what he would if she eventually marries him (except of course she can truly see he has changed for the best) … a broken relationship or engagement is better than a broken marriage.

    A word is enough for the wise, those who have ears let them hear…..

    • chi chi

      September 2, 2010 at 2:57 pm

      Girlfriend,read d handwriting on the wall.My advice ask him where he wants to take the relationship to,from his response,decide the next move.

  11. Fehintola

    September 2, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    I hate to sound bitter but errrrm, chillax girl, his 20 mins of fame is about to be up. Then you will have your man back. For now just chill out while he does the omo oju or’ola ri runs . Even 9’ice has become extinct…he didn’t know Bumper to bumper go kick Gongo Aso off the charts…hehehhehe

    • WaleAdeniji

      September 3, 2010 at 1:59 pm

      @Fehintola, i just love that from you. Bumper 2 bumper has displaced Gongo aso oo. That is very correct.

    • areyouforreal

      September 3, 2010 at 7:48 pm

      ROTFLMAO…Gbam!

  12. fokasibe

    September 2, 2010 at 2:47 pm

    I do not support the idea of ‘burying yourself in your work’ at all! Will you bury yourself in your work till you die? Marriage and courtship are to be enjoyed by both parties until the babies come (and then by all of you)!
    I would advise that you first search yourself and answer the questions you are asking us as honestly as you can. In these matters, we are usually very lenient with our significant others and tend to make excuses for them so we don’t tend to be wholly honest. Secondly, it will be good to seek the counsel of someone who knows both of you and who can be brutally honest with you because as I’m sure you know, matters of the heart are very serious indeed! Lastly and most importantly, you need to get your man to SIT DOWN with you and have a chit chat. Whether he likes it or not. Tell him your concerns and listen to his responses. Be sure to read between the lines and not just to the answers he gives you as guys are fond of telling us ladies what they think we like to hear…
    That said, I would advise you to listen to your heart and seek God in this matter. Only He can lead you aright…Bless you..

  13. temi

    September 2, 2010 at 3:09 pm

    iv always beleived that in life, the way you treat yourself is the way others will treat you. the fact that you sent your problems to bella says a lot. Darling…if no one tells you the truth i will…catwalk out of that dudes live fast!

    look, if a man loves you, he will want to show you to the world or talk about you every chance he gets. once he starts using lame excuses like PR stunt..then know theres trouble

    yes, youve been with him for a while..hardwork etc…frankly i think thats crap. whats a few years compared to the rest of your life in agony and pain. you certainly have to decide what sort of life you want. if you can handle it then please by all means do you.

    the dude just wants to have fun. i mean…guys never really get over girls throwing themselves at them…especially this HOT young babes we have these days that dont mind havung a bunch of flings and one night stands.

    my advise to you…if he loves you…i mean REAL love not what naija boys these days call love. he will want to show u to the world. guys do that all the time..show off i mean. so if he aint showing u off…well darling..he really doesnt want to be seen with you. you are spoiling his “runs”.dont stomach his excuses..and stop holding on to the good times u shared. it wont make u think properly. reality is, times clearly arent good cos u r sending ur issues to aunty bella..thats already a sign darling. or how bad do u want it to get?

    im sure u r a lovely girl. there are lovely naija men out there (even tho most girls dont believe) that would treat u right. Dont let urself settle for mediocrity. every girl deserves the best.

    • DGL

      September 3, 2010 at 1:47 pm

      Temi has said it all. I totally concur.

  14. Nigerian Film and TV Addict

    September 2, 2010 at 3:21 pm

    MEHN…whoever this dude is, u need to leave his ass….what rubbish….PR ko…PR ni? my der move on with ur life…i’m trying to think of the musician…but only one name comes to mind….2face, but i’m not sure. whoever u r girl, leave this man and run for ur life!

  15. lol

    September 2, 2010 at 3:29 pm

    lol.abeg who is this celebrity+

    I just discussed this story with my boyfriend and the first thing he said was that it’s a lie. That we have enough clues to figure out who this supposed celeb is, and we can’t, so…

    So it’s either she’s with a struggling artist and he’s still trying to make it or it is completely made up…

    or abeg fellow BNers, who is a current celebrity who is a current “single, ” who tweets I love you too back on Twitter. Is it Banky, abi Don Jazzy, D Banj, M.I., Sauce Kid…oya predict abeg.

    • Nneka

      September 3, 2010 at 9:26 pm

      There are few things more irritating than silly comments like yours that suggest writers are ‘making up stories’. Some of you BN readers must think so highly of yourselves to think that people/BN authors make up and publish stories just to entertaining your sleezy a**.

      To the topic: Sorry o Ms. Star’s side….but I really can’t relate much to your dilemma so I just wish you the best in whatever choices you end up making. One thing I can add is this: Don’t even waste your time thinking he will hold himself accountable based on your loving, supportive past. You will be shocked! Even the most sensitive males can still deceive chicks that stand by them during their broke-ass days. Do what’s best for you cos that’s EXACTLY what he is doing by disclaiming you in public.

  16. tolanimustapha

    September 2, 2010 at 3:37 pm

    i believe you need to pray,it is not the issue of been a “STAR”that is affecting the relationship rather i am of the view that the relationship is been affected by your man himself.forget the fact that 9ice and toni didn’t work,he was not worried of been seen with herbefore marriage.it might hurt like hell but for your sanity listen to your inner mind.A man that gives you this headache will take a lot to settle with after marriage

  17. lol

    September 2, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    abi is it some new comer celebs, YQ, Bez, abi Whiz kid (but that one is a teenager) abi many BNers are friends with these celebs. abeg someone cast I want to know.

    My advice if it’s true. Leave him abeg. Is it that serious? How can he be tweeting I love you on Twitter and you are still staying there after you have warned him. Hmmm

  18. SASSYCASSIE

    September 2, 2010 at 4:00 pm

    TEMI HAS SAID IT ALL.CASE CLOSED!!

  19. nekiss

    September 2, 2010 at 4:27 pm

    @ lol, you and you boyfriend are not serious kind of people, and I think both of you have issues with lies. Must you guess or know the lifestyle of all the celebrities in Nigeria? Abeg both of you should go and sit down and let sane minds talk.
    …. and my dear worried kid, I can only advise you follow your mind. But left for me, when a guy does not take pride in letting people around him know about me, am not at all comfortable, I feel not good enough. Guys showcase whoever they love and cherish. May the Lord guide you in your decisions dear. All the best.

  20. nekiss

    September 2, 2010 at 4:28 pm

    sorry I mean “your” boyfriend

  21. lol

    September 2, 2010 at 5:03 pm

    No. It is people like this that made up stories in secondary school and expected us to believe.

    Shebi we all follow these celebs on Twitter. at least I do. There’s none I follow that fits this story oh. Unless he’s not really a “celeb.” And I am on Twitter constantly, just saying…

    say no to bullshit.

    • DGL

      September 3, 2010 at 1:45 pm

      Gosh… get a life!

  22. Uche

    September 2, 2010 at 7:34 pm

    IMO it boils down to one question: can you or can you not handle it? If you can’t, then you know where your running shoes are, because if it’s bad now, it will get worse after you get married. Yeah, you might love him, but sometimes love is not enough.

    It’s your decision finally. Hope you make the best choice for you.

    • Nma

      September 3, 2010 at 12:19 am

      Gbam!

      and “lol”…u and ur boyfriend should behave jor! Are u that lifeless that u follow every single naija celeb on tweeter…like seriously?! The girl didn’t say exactly when he tweeted the “i love u too” bit…and almost every bubbling celeb is “single”..except the obviously married ones. So calm down! There really aren’t much clues for ur tataforism.

      Ms Star’s side…God gave us wisdom and knowledge for a reason o. Sometimes we pray and pray and won’t stop praying even when the answer is right there in our very before! If u can handle it like the above person said, then stay. If u can’t then bounce! But keep in mind that it can’t get any easier than this…
      I pray u get the wisdom to make the best choice….and like someone said earlier…a few years of relationship is nothing compared to the rest of ur life! So put the past aside and focus on ur future boo!

  23. Simangi

    September 2, 2010 at 7:51 pm

    Most comments here tells it all: “a broken relationship is FAR better than a broken marriage.” Hopefully, you will come to terms with that saying and accept your relationship for what it truly is.

    My own… :
    Work on improving your self esteem. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE yourself and ENJOY being you. Make yourself look FIIIIIINE (please insert all beauty therapies imaginable that would not break the bank here…) and fancy the pants off yourself while you’re at it!
    Then go out and get yourself entertained – you should know really cool people and places around you, if not, FIND THEM. The universe is waiting for you to TAKE OVER!

    And if you’re religious, take a break from it all and SEEK GOD. You will be surprised how that works wonders!

    Did you know, some people use their ‘hurting time’ to learn something new? That could mean, starting on a new trade, making applications for new jobs / seeking work promotions, going back to school to gain more qualifications or discovering a new hobby.

    I hope any of these helps.

    It’s easier written (on bellanaija.com) than done but good luck with whatever you do.

    • More'deenah

      September 3, 2010 at 11:51 am

      AWESOMME Simangi! U deserve a biiig round of applause 4 dis comment/advice. beautifully said!!!
      i especially agree with the last statement.

  24. Simade

    September 2, 2010 at 8:36 pm

    True talk Temi & Nigerian Film & TV Addict. I agree 100%. All that PR stuff is a lie. It is evident that you will be a hinderance to his runs. Leave honorably before he breaks your heart to pieces. You deserve much better. Your Parents will not be too surprised, I’m sure they saw these signs early on when he was still struggling.

  25. marvel

    September 2, 2010 at 10:21 pm

    Grow up, you silly whinge bag! Drop the idiot. U have made a mistake and find yourself a professional. Stop dating gyrating, hair gelled, relaxed hair, skin bleaching, make up wearing on and off video sets.. tone deaf men. That will teach you. I bet you will be looking for a footballer next. Stupid gal.

  26. @marvel

    September 2, 2010 at 10:40 pm

    funny. aren’t those the people we admire?

    God knows I would love to be in the arms of a pretty boy like Osaze Odemwingie for instance. Enough tripping and effizy. Make una no pretend you all come to Bella Naija to stare and gawk at them while you roast at home with your “professional” boys making corporate peanuts. Abeg leave that professional roasting p!

  27. Nuella

    September 2, 2010 at 11:24 pm

    six months before now, my advice would have been, galfrnd move on! but now that i have passed thru fire, my advice would be go back on ur kneels.
    first of all ask urself, do u really love this guy? if yes, ask God, do u really want us to be? if Yes, then seek to know prayerfully the cause of his behaviour. my dear alot of us have lost what belongs to us because we cant pray. recently when my man started acting somehow giving me excuses, something said pray! I said “no way, doesnt this mean that I am desperate?” I told myself, if this man goes, anoda would come, i didnt pray, now i wished i fasted and prayed. like u said, ur man is a celeb, do u know the type of pple he meets everyday? The Holyspirit was telling me that in this our generation, it is not enough to be beautiful, sexy, good in bed, a great cook to ensure ur man is urs, you must be able to fast seriously and pray concerning ur relationship.
    Sum: before you give up, seek the face of the Lord and then follow ur heart. gudluck.xx

    • JM

      September 5, 2010 at 12:42 am

      Yes, someone else recently told me that…Pray and fast into your future with your boyfriend…God will honour His word.
      Praying is also thearupetic!

    • Ready

      January 18, 2011 at 12:33 am

      The Holyspirit was telling me that in this our generation, it is not enough to be beautiful, sexy, good in bed, a great cook to ensure ur man is urs, you must be able to fast seriously and pray concerning ur relationship.

      Biko, did the Holy Spirit really talk about beng sexy and good in bed? This convo na wa o.

  28. D.O.T.M.H.

    September 2, 2010 at 11:37 pm

    sometimes I just want to tell some people to shut the hell up! pshheeew!!! some people will just come here and be writing NONSENSE. “I am on twitter constantly”, “I follow all the celebrities on twitter” pshheew! Come, sweetheart, leave this guy alone. Forget all the years you spent with him and move on with your life. If he comes after you, I’m begging you, let him prove himself VERY WELL before you go back to him and that is IF you decide to go back to him. Someone worthy and deserving of you will find you and give you the happiness and PEACE OF MIND that you deserve. Please please please don’t let any man (or any one for that matter) turn u into a constantly depressed person please.

    • DGL

      September 3, 2010 at 1:42 pm

      Word!!!!! Well said.

  29. lol

    September 3, 2010 at 12:57 am

    @Nma Pls jo. let no one start forming holy holy here. I am proud to admit that I follow D’banj, M.I. Don Jazzy, Banky and any Naija celeb worthy of note as well as Bella, NotJustOk, Gidilounge, etc. I want to keep up with their music. What is wrong with that. A lot of Nigerians do too so please don’t bore me to death with your self righteousness.

    I am asking a legitimate question. M.I. is single. Banky is single. Eldee is married. Don Jazzy is single. Wande Coal is clearly single (hehe!), D’banj is single. Name any legit Naija celeb, the gist is out there in the public. So I don’t know which celeb she is talking about. In any case, which Naija celeb’s girl will seriously post her gist for display on BellaNaija.com?? So that he can come and read it abi wetin? The post is not even coded enough sef.

    I know we all want to feel like advisers here, but get real. Think a little.

    • DUDU

      September 3, 2010 at 9:20 am

      The writers point exactly. They all go out there and say they are single when they are in “serious” relationships with girls that hustled with them when things were tight.

  30. shade

    September 3, 2010 at 3:32 am

    You’re going to have to hang in there till you’re sure your relationship is truly compromised. ‘Like seeing him act funny with another girl or something worse than that. For now, Patience may just be key!

  31. CC

    September 3, 2010 at 10:29 am

    Abeg don’t be Toni Payne part 2 o… the writing is on the wall, you better put your contacts in and read well well

  32. Keyshia

    September 3, 2010 at 1:56 pm

    The advise are all gud my dear, but i will tell you dis one thing-“Stop seeking for any advise because it will only leave you confuse”.
    The only thing i know is right for you to do my dear is -Sit back and ask yourself some vital questions, such as ….. do i see in my dreams (vision) , would he help me achieve purpose, do i want my kids to grow up to be like him, his he genuinly in love with me and to what extent can he let go of certain things just because my (ur) happiness is paramount to him. Do u ever imagine walking on the isle with this guy. If your answers to all this questions is a “YES” the next thing is set out some time to seek God’s face keeping an open mind such as (it is either him or somebody else) . Be rest assured he would answer you and the next step you would take ultimately will give u the peace that you desire.
    N.B Another thing is my dear, stop focusing on his areas of weakness but focus only on those things which made you love him and stayed with him all these years i.e his areas of strength. its kinda hard but if u say u can then you would, if you say u cannot you probably would not. The choice is yours. Wish you the best.

  33. BKNY

    September 3, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    Nuella….u summd it all…[email protected]…ROTFL….all d best garlie

  34. TumTum

    September 3, 2010 at 2:55 pm

    Kwaaa! Some comments are just way too funny. Peeps have no sense of sympathy, to think she is making all of this up. Grow up!!

  35. Arabian Sinner

    September 3, 2010 at 4:00 pm

    Simply put… Levels don change. soooo sad, but true.

  36. Chika*

    September 3, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    OMG! You’ve said it all. Child, if you want him, you have to do exacly what Nuella said.

  37. Molicious

    September 3, 2010 at 6:54 pm

    This is a picture of things to come and it’s important to realize that love alone isn’t enough, it has to be backed up with actions and commitments. You’re the one wearing the shoes, you know where it hurts, you know in your heart what you need to do, just trust the fact that you are strong enough to take the step and pray, trust God, he never fails.

    All the best!

  38. totellyouthetruth...

    September 3, 2010 at 7:38 pm

    this is a very simple matter…like everyone else has said, no one can tell you what to do…you decide for urself cos its u in the relationship…you say he’s still a lovely boyfriend, so what more do you want? you havnt caught him cheating and better still you havnt read in city ppl that he’s seeing anybody *the most veritable source of false rumours and embellished facts*….u must understand that he is not the person he was before, as u say, he’s now a star…y then do u expect him to behave different? it is u who is stuck in the past…u must adapt to the new regime…u said u go with him to events, even if u may not walk with him on the carpet *afterall u r not the star n its his moment!*…still, he takes you with him…he cud hav left u at home. Lots of so-called stars do that, same way some stars do what he’s doing now and the more accomplished stars come out with their partners….still, that he takes u shows he wants u to be around him…if he were hiding/wanted to hide something, he won’t …afterall, that’s where all the groupies are.

    And yes, it makes sense that he now locks his phone, just incase it gets stolen. why must you read more meaning into that? it seems u are trying to find cracks where there are none bcos the house has gotten bigger n u r afraid it will fall…calm down!

    it is exactly now that he needs a haven from all that madness and u shud be providing that not giving him even more stress…when a man doesn’t want a woman, he makes it pretty obvious…every woman knows where she stands with a man at any point in time, deep in her heart…he may not have time for u now like he used to before he got his big break, which is normal…i’m sure barack obama doesn’t spend as much time as he used to with michelle… that’s how it goes…but the times u hav together u’ve said he makes them special…doesn’t that tell u he still cares? beyonce n Jay dont talk about each other in interviews, but they r solid as rock *we believe* …a public declaration doesnt make a relationship stronger and proves nothing really….maybe he doesnt want to introduce u to the public so ppl dont start writing stuff about u…he has traded his personal privacy for fame n he’s open to public scrutiny/criticism, but he wants to keep somethings to himself – you and his relationship…is this unreasonable?

    pls keep ur relationship private…it is not public property even if he is…do not hand it over to the public…cos if u break-up one day, as some of these relationships end, and everyone is talking about it, u will be looking for a rock to crawl under.

    Think….Objectively.

    • Theresa

      September 3, 2010 at 11:25 pm

      Right on point..the most objective and truthful comment so far. I hope the lady listens to you, she may be reading much more into this. The guy cannot remain the same, he is now a star, she has to get used to the demands of his new status,.

  39. areyouforreal

    September 3, 2010 at 7:44 pm

    @ Nuella – Fast and Pray??? LOL LOL LOL….Seriously?? Fast and pray??? smh…what a joke!

    Its not that serious…pls! hisss

  40. tatafo!

    September 3, 2010 at 7:46 pm

    That is why Ikechukwu and NateoC’s girlfriends sharply came on BN and announced that they were taken.
    You should have done the same sweetie! kpele sha, hope everything works out.

  41. Nneka

    September 3, 2010 at 9:31 pm

    @ lol: There are few things more irritating than silly comments like yours that suggest writers are ‘making up stories’. Some of you BN readers must think so highly of yourselves to stupidly assume that people/BN authors make up and publish stories just to entertaining your sleezy asses.
    To the topic: Sorry o Ms. Star’s side….but I really can’t relate much to your dilemma so I just wish you the best in whatever choices you end up making. One thing I can add is this: Don’t even waste your time thinking he will hold himself accountable based on your loving, supportive past. You will be shocked! Even the most sensitive males can still deceive chicks that stand by them during their broke-ass days. Do what’s best for you cos that’s EXACTLY what he is doing by disclaiming you in public.

  42. Afribabe

    September 4, 2010 at 1:07 am

    payer will give you all the answers you need hun…wen u believe nd hve faith in the almighty Lord he will communicate with you nd give you all that u deserve..Put everything in God’s hand nd all will be taken care off

  43. taio

    September 4, 2010 at 5:19 am

    Some people here have -50 self esteem and are mixing it up with patience and spirituality. LOL
    Even God did not create a fool. If a person doesn’t or isn’t working towards treating you the way God does, abeg, FADE! Get your bags and move out!

    • shade

      September 5, 2010 at 2:43 am

      Preach it girl. I really can’t stand people who always have to bring God into decisions that are obviously rational…God will not tell you to stay with someone who doesn’t treat you with respect or value.

    • Molicious

      September 10, 2010 at 5:45 pm

      Just because you know what to do, doesn’t mean it’ll be easy to do it. Ppl find comfort in God, and that may be why some bring him into “decisions that are obviously rational”, others may do it so they have someone to blame if things go awry. Just saying…

  44. Milli

    September 4, 2010 at 10:16 am

    Your post really touched me and I am the kind who never blog or put their thoughts in public but there is a compelling need to respond because I have sort of been there.

    I loved and a part of me will always love someone who is now in limelight. The hardest and best decision I made was to let him go before he even reached the height of stardom he is at now.
    He was my best friend, my confidante, known him all my life and the hardest part he’s loved and accepted by everyone in my family and his family more or less are family to me BUT his chosen profession came with publicity which I knew I couldn’t handle.

    I had to look deeply inside, examine myself and know the things I can and cannot handle. My little bit of advice, you know yourself best; ask yourself can you emotionally handle all the excesses that come with it, the girls, the media, and the fast paced lifestyle? The long trips away from home and most especially can you continue to trust him?? If you can and you believe in love conquering all then you stick with it but if you can’t then its best you walk away…
    Pray about it, I did a whole lot and as heartbreaking as it was for me, I finally learnt to let him and all the beautiful memories we had go…

    • shade

      September 5, 2010 at 2:41 am

      This is so sad yet encouraging.

  45. buffy

    September 4, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    i dont tink u shud jst quit d relationship lyk dt, pips shud nt jst suggest dt cz truly evry relatnshp hs issues to deal wiv, bt i tink d issue of him sayin ‘his single and not takin u to the red carpet wiv him’ is ridiculous nd surely nt a PR stunt nd make him stop all dt rubbish. i knw many celebs dt admit hvin gfrnds so wen dd all for dt PR strt, else brkup wv him.as for pple sayin she is fakin or lyin abt ha story,is dt ur bizness?bsyds she hz d rite to date any1 celeb or not nd any guy cn b dt its all abt talkin abt d issues nd nt coverin it up or belivin evrytn is fyn…..nd finally pray to God for directions.wish u d best

  46. Funmie

    September 6, 2010 at 5:18 am

    Ah my dear lady,
    Fame and prosperity brings with it a lot of ugly things.
    People also DO change.
    From wat i have read, u dont seem like one that can handle this relationship and i sincerely advice you to BREAK IT UP now ( solely based on wat i read here o)

    You cannout go into marriage being this insecure… u will run urself mad trust me. as in u will literarily go insane my dear.

    From one lady tp anoda, i say run, RUN for ur life.

    If he truly loves you and deeply still wants you back, he will come begging and then u can get him to talk about wats going thru his head.

    Yea u have dated for years and u feel like u were with him when he had nothing… my dear such is life o…. get to stepping now b4 we begin to read about yet anoda divorce on BN.

    *sorry if there were repititions, i did not av time to read previous comments*

  47. Funmie

    September 6, 2010 at 5:26 am

    If i misgt also add….
    the dude saying – i love you too- to his fans on twitter means nothing!
    Duh! thats his source of income and his lyfe, since he struggled so hard to make it.

    you clearly have some insecurity issues yourself….. and its so sad ‘cos no one else can help you.

    You need to be well balanced… physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, morally….. to date a celebrity. You also need a TOUGH skin.

    you dont seem to have any of these so i say again RUN

  48. bcgeorge

    September 6, 2010 at 9:44 am

    u cnt eat ya cake and still av it.
    honestly,men mak counterfeit money but in many more cases,money makes counterfeit men……truly,u dnt knw no one until u test ’em wit money…
    my advice, sit him dwn and av a hrt-to-hrt talk…it shdnt b hard fr u to decipher(considerin uv bin datin him fr a while) weda he wana tak it to d nxt level or not…and like funmie said, get busy,if he wnts u,he wld com get u…praaaaa

  49. Management

    September 6, 2010 at 11:02 am

    O my days…im so sorry but from that bullshit about PR…u should have started thinking about a PLAN B! What?!?! Like other people have said…it is so u don’t spoil his runz o!!! Do not be deceived any guy has the ability to be sweet seasonally…especially when they suddenly realise that “i owe this girl sha let me not be a total screw up’
    Missus…u have become an AFTER THOUGHT! If it is doin now like this….a ring would make it worse cuz ur expectations shall increase but he would not (like b4 ur marriage) meet up!
    Sweet heart its hard but u need to hear it….UR BOYFRIENDS EYES HAVE OPENED!

  50. Mariamah

    November 2, 2010 at 5:33 pm

    Wat u would not take wen u r married, don’t take it wen u r still dating. Make up yr mind n know wat u want now, sit him down n hav a serious disccssion. It is not goin to get better, rather it is goin to get worse. So ask yr self if u can live wit this. Bye d way, stardorm is not an excuse for him to act the way he is acting, he should be able to show u off, a lot of stars do that.

  51. deee

    August 9, 2011 at 10:22 am

    The thing is if u want to maary a star, this what u should be expecting- deal with it. if this not what u want, its best u leave him if u cant deal with him. enough said 🙂

  52. sprinkle

    August 16, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    My dear, its really up to you to make up your mind. The real test of Love for a man is when he makes money. When they are broke, they will behave like dogs-(wo)mans best friend, when they make it, after all ur struggles with him, thats when they see that you have bow legs, big lips etc……………..talk to him now about it, know his reactions and truthfully tell yourself if he is worth the wait.

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