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The Art of Seduction

Glory Edozien

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There are few things I love more than being chased by a man that is totally into me. The constant phone calls, the surprise gifts for absolutely no reason, the ‘just because’ flowers sent to my place of work, the romantic dinner dates and, of course, the intense look in his eyes when he tells you he’s in love with you. I don’t know about the rest of the female populace, but as far as I am concerned, there aren’t many things that are more seductive than when a man is totally into you and is willing to prove it.

So you can understand why it has never crossed my mind to be the one to make the moves on a man. Now, before you all start to scream at me, let me just say there is nothing wrong in making the first move on a guy, but personally, it is something I have never been comfortable doing. If I meet someone I am attracted to and he makes no move on me, I let the matter rest. Call me old fashioned, but I believe it is a man’s place to do the chasing. Also, I don’t think we women are built to take the possible rejection that may follow. What if I chased some guy and he told me he wasn’t interested. HA! I might have to move to another country! I wouldn’t be able to bear it. Plus, I would be absolutely clueless on how to go about such a mission.

However, I have recently found out that I am in the minority where this is concerned.  According to my friends, we 21st century independent women are go-getters; we see what we want and go for it! Be it a job, a car or a man…if we want it we must have it. Unfortunately, I am yet to tune myself to accept such a broad ranging definition of independence. However, things might soon change.

Recently, I have been undergoing training as part of continuous professional development at work. Little did I know what I was in for. My trainer was a blessing from heaven. He is tall, has a good build and then a face that would rival Denzel in his prime. As soon as I walked into the door, I knew I was in trouble. The man oozed hotness at about a million kilometers per hour and I literally could not take my eyes off him. To crown it all, he was intelligent. He spoke with the eloquence of a demi-god and answered every question with the ease of a professional. I was in a trance! Throughout his portion of the training, my mind concocted all sorts of romantic scenarios and by lunch time I had already started writing my first name and his last name on my note book. At one point, I had to give myself a mental shake just so I could concentrate on what he was saying as opposed to the way his lips were moving!

I finally decided to confide in my male colleagues and they began to give me pointers on how to make a move on the guy. “Just walk up to him and ask him if he wants to go for drinks after the session” one suggested. “Tell him you want his number so you can ask some follow-up questions” another advised. I refused all their suggestions and they laughed in my face. “Glory, do you think this guy is just going to walk into your lap without some encouragement?” “How is the guy going to know you are interested if you don’t give him some sort of indication?” they all asked me. I sat moping. I had no answers, but I refused to acknowledge that there was some validity in the points they raised.

After two days of training my trainer walked out of my life and I may never see him again. I almost called out his name and ran down the stairs after him as he shook our hands and left our office premises in his official car. My male colleagues all looked at me in disbelief. But as I explained to them, if he was interested in me he should have made a move to get my number or something. Why should I be the one to chase after him?

Later that evening I narrated the story to a few close male friends and they both agreed that my way of thinking is archaic. According to them, the key to chasing a guy is to spot a mature man from a pack of boys. They explained to me that a mature man will know what is expected of him and would take over the reins immediately, instead of letting me carry on with the chase. But according to them, there is a fine line between subtle suggestive hints and full on ‘I want you’ gestures and men usually prefer the former.

So here is my dilemma. As I type this article, I have the ‘trainer’s’ complimentary card on my table, complete with mobile number and email address. Should I take the advice of friends and contact him? What would be the preferred method of contact- email, text or phone call? And what exactly should I say to him? Or do you think I should let sleeping dogs lie and face my work for the day? After all, if he was interested he would have made his move! Have you ever made a move on a guy or as a guy, has a woman ever put the moves on you? What are your thoughts people? Help a sister out!

Signed

In-love-with-trainer!

p.s. If the guy is a BellaNaija.com reader, I might have to relocate to Ghana!

Photo credit: www.essence.com

Glory is the host and executive producer of Inspire Series, the web talk show which uses the collective stories of everyday women to inspire others. She believes women are https://www.canadianmeds4u.com/category/buy-antibiotics-online/ more than hand bags, hair, make-up and other externalities and is passionate about about pursuing purpose and living above societal conformities. She is also a day dreamer, and romantic at heart who loves TV, food and family. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @inspiredbyglory and read more from her on www.inspiredbyglory.com

170 Comments

  1. BC

    November 25, 2010 at 12:43 pm

    Beautiful write up! You are so eloquent.I firmly believe in letting the man chase you. Someone told me that that if that balance is upset, the woman usually ends up losing because the man is going to look back years down the road and think to himself I never ‘won’ her anyway. And thats when he will start a real chase to find a woman he can really claim to call his own.

    BUT we don’t have to go that far. You can simply send him a cheerful little e-mail.. keeping the focus on how smoothly the training session went and how organized he was. You would be paying him a subtle complement without coming off as one suggesting anything… Tell him what good of a job he did as trainer. Its no sin to rub a guy’s ego at this juncture…and I don’t think you will be needing that trip to Ghana. Lol.

    • DaBreeze

      November 25, 2010 at 2:55 pm

      I concur!!! LOL

    • Spiryt Sista

      November 26, 2010 at 6:34 am

      I agree! And chances are he already knows that he’s fine, and already has girls chasing him, so trying to initiate things with him, will only further boost his ego. You can “help” him, by making urself available- maybe drop him an email that requires a response. And put the ball in his court. But if the ball is in his court, and he still doesn’t decide to make a move, then move on. Your reasoning is correct, if he’s really into u, he will try to get with you.

    • Petra

      November 26, 2010 at 8:18 am

      Lmao! You speak my mind hunny..very well said.
      Just email him and see hwat his reply is like. If he gives curt answers which leave no room for any reply then let it go…and maybe move to Zimbabwe. But if he is engaging, aka needing a reply to his email then there might be something there 🙂

  2. Ayo

    November 25, 2010 at 12:50 pm

    As someone who can totally relate with u. I would advise u give him a call and see how it goes. Let’s call it ‘a thanks for motivating to improve at work’ call. You never know,Mr Trainer might just need a push. There is no point tormenting yourself with what ifs. Best of luck:)

  3. mariaah

    November 25, 2010 at 12:51 pm

    Lol Glory Glory!!!!Hope you have ECOWAS passport ready sha?haha.. What I have kinda always done when I like a guy is to somehow become friends with him or flirt a tiny bit with his if he’s a “jasi or soji” guy he ‘ll get it.. Since you have his contact why not get in touch with him and go on about how the training was interesting and you are beginning to see changes in your performance at work bla bla bla. Then stylishly get to knw him a bit, (incase he has som1 already) when the coast is clear, ask him to lunch or after work drinks. Sometimes in life, we have to put our foot forward to get what we want.

    • Temiloluwa Adebayo

      November 25, 2010 at 1:29 pm

      Mariah!!! LOL @ ECOWAS passport! I love you BN readers!!! You give me the giggles.

  4. ochella

    November 25, 2010 at 12:51 pm

    LOL i dont know what to tell you because i also don’t believe in making the first move so i hope as others comment we can both learn.

    • oyinlola

      November 25, 2010 at 6:10 pm

      sweetheart its very easy.u can’t do it alone.bring in ur friend who is not interested in d guy.she calls d guy on ur behalf (while u are there of course) and engages him in some discussion.she does this for about 3 to 4 times before inviting u into d conversation.and she says somthing like ”hold on for a friend of mine.she was at ur training some days ago and she’ll like to say hi” and u take it up from there.u may be lucky,ur own gist might be more interesting than ur friend’s gist and he keeps calling u for more. i tried this out while i was at d university and d guy and i dated for one yr before i travelled out and ended d relationship….best of luck dear

    • onthesubject

      November 26, 2010 at 1:53 pm

      hhhmmmnn….very dangerous…what if the friend starts liking him or worse still, what if he starts liking the friend?

    • kbee

      November 29, 2010 at 4:29 pm

      odikwa risky.. dts tew risky wat if ur frend starts tripping n dancing in love. dnt tink dts advisable……..

    • bleach

      November 30, 2010 at 1:58 am

      it’s nt just about the fried starting to like the guy,i think it comes off weird to let your friend do the job for you.it’s even better if she tells you what to say and you say it yourself.intermediaries always get tied up in the mix eventually.personally i expect a guy to do the work and not send his friend so just saying.be bold and go for it,it’s not all bad putting yourself out there sometimes.

  5. lolli witout d pop

    November 25, 2010 at 12:57 pm

    first commenter.
    hehehe at ur final sentence.
    ild say GO FOR IT!. dont go callin him and asking him out to dinner or being too forward. u can call or email and keep it very informal, without mentioning anythin work related before he’l think your just being nice or thankful for the training.
    ring or email him once or twice, keep it brief, informal and subtle. and if he doesnt ring or email back after ur second attempt! he aint interested.

    guudluk, n plss update us on ur choice.. xxoo

    • bcgeorge

      November 26, 2010 at 11:32 am

      so so on point…men are natural hunters, without even giving us signs(& wonders….lol) we want to chase you for whatever it’s worth but when you put the feet forward, we consider it jack pot. So if he does not rin back after two attempts, TERRY G him….free me…aka ginger ginger

  6. someoneoutder

    November 25, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    well…i hv neva approach a guy, i always wait for them to make d first move and if dey dont, i let the sleeping dog lie and face some oda tins. But trust me, it has always work out for me…they come asking even if it takes months.

  7. ufedo

    November 25, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    lol… ohh glory! i laughed throughout! ure just lovely!
    u shud send him an email, then he cudnt see u cringing. flirt a bit like saying HE made the course a lil more interesting and see how he reacts. whatever u do, dont call, cos u just might stutter since ure not very down with doing the chasing. just be subtle.
    i’d love to read the end of this trainer matter.

  8. Martins

    November 25, 2010 at 1:07 pm

    Hmm! We both share dis reasoning.4 me my first g.f feel 4 me b4 i made a move after sumtym d luv she has 4 me diminsh and now 4 me luv sucks cos she left, but as a guy i would advise u talk to him abt it.

  9. Temiloluwa Adebayo

    November 25, 2010 at 1:08 pm

    Please do NOT do it!

    I’m no prude but please, leave him be…He will respect you more and if he is yours, you will not miss it. You will be a woman with dignity in such a scenario (if you both eventually get together).

    However, if you call him and you start going out, your ‘chasing’ after him will never end. You will chase him to call you. You will chase him to take you on dates. Eventually, you may chase him to marry you.

    Men are programmed to be the hunters. Don’t try and help him out. Your own will find you and hunt you down and you will be happy.

    Just my two kobo.

    http://temiville.wordpress.com/

    • Naijamum

      November 25, 2010 at 1:22 pm

      Totally agree!
      I still believe guys should do the chasing.
      However, I am not averse to sending out signals, so Glory can send him a very professional email praising his work and asking if he could advise her on a matter relating to her professional development i.e. she could LIE that you she’s considering a postgraduate course and would like his advice. Then ask for an appointment to discuss it.
      When she does meet up,plan B is to flirt – subtly!
      However, always remain a lady!

    • sola

      November 25, 2010 at 2:43 pm

      Only problem here is….she already has a PHD!

    • Naijamum

      November 25, 2010 at 3:00 pm

      @Sola…LOL at ‘she already has a PhD’
      Okay, I suggest something to do with her personal development i.e. creative writing course or mentoring….*smile*
      There’s always a way!

    • ochella

      November 25, 2010 at 1:23 pm

      true talk sha.

    • Lola

      November 25, 2010 at 2:13 pm

      I agree

    • canigetsomeintelligenceinhere!

      November 25, 2010 at 4:47 pm

      Gosh!!! Too much theory!!! *SMH*….I used to feel this way too until i initiated drinks with a certain young man almost a year ago and we’ve been together ever since and it keeps getting better! All this talk about the man chasing is rather medival! What matters is for u to know what works for u and what is acceptable to u. Once u see any signs of disrespect u walk chikena!!!

    • jessy

      November 25, 2010 at 6:46 pm

      Nice 1 ……totally agree

    • laurynbabe

      November 26, 2010 at 5:39 pm

      I totally agree, if u seek for his attention, you might have to seek for his attention all through the relatonship or courtship cus it really doesn’t take men time to develop negative thoughts and be disrespectful. Your man will do the chasing & without much effort, he’lld be attracted to you. All the best …

  10. Ujubaby

    November 25, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    Seriously, there should be nothing wrong with a woman going after a man, BUT I still feel icky about it. Why? Because men of the 21st century have grown weak. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about female empowerment, but there’s got 2 be a MAN in the house. If you lack the effontery to walk up to me and possess your possession (lol) I wonder who will be the MAN of the house when I do the chasing. My advice: MEN BE CONFIDENT, IT IS SEXY IN ITSELF!

    • Ronnie

      November 25, 2010 at 1:46 pm

      #GBAM#….Seconded…Word!

    • sweetie

      November 25, 2010 at 8:11 pm

      ujubaby, triple gbam, you hit it right on the spot.

  11. jay bee

    November 25, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    i fink u should just free d guy….made my 1st move on a guy for d 1st time in my life n e totally made mi feel stupid….u mite just mayb send a thank u text for d training and if e doesnt follow up free.

  12. jennietobbie

    November 25, 2010 at 1:20 pm

    I love this girllll and boy oh boy, I don’t agree with the idea of women doing the chasing. BUT BUT in this case, I suggest you just send him an email and ask him for a thank you lunch. Then, study him and get to know him. Do not buy into outer appearances. Get to know him first and then make ur decisions from there….love…jennietobbie.!

    • biola

      November 25, 2010 at 1:26 pm

      and who pays for this thank you dinner lol ?

    • Ronnie

      November 25, 2010 at 1:48 pm

      LOL @ Biola!!!!

    • jennietobbie

      November 25, 2010 at 1:54 pm

      I guess the “asker” has this budget covered already……lol

    • jay bee

      November 25, 2010 at 2:22 pm

      looool…..true

    • mariaah

      November 25, 2010 at 5:56 pm

      Seriously I laffed out loud at this biola…They ‘ll figure it out when it gets to that point..

    • caramel_drops

      November 26, 2010 at 12:30 am

      good question, cos taking a guy out for a thank you dinner? hmmm I think I would do a ‘thank you drink’ or some other activity maybe bowling or skating..dinner is kinda rommantic for people who are nt even friends.

  13. biola

    November 25, 2010 at 1:20 pm

    First things first!!! Is he MARRIED???!!! u didnt mention anything about a bare ring finger at all, when u find this out, then it’d be safe to proceed from there, coz u might do all this contemplating and planning then u’ll find out he is taken…ouchhh!!!

    • dami

      November 25, 2010 at 11:31 pm

      my dear is not all married men that wears their band some don’t and behave like a bachelor lol

    • eparker

      November 26, 2010 at 2:00 pm

      ring on the finger is sometimes not the basis if the person is married or not. hmmmm… one very accurate one is to search the marriage record online a very easy way to know if he is… hmmm…

  14. bignaijababe

    November 25, 2010 at 1:20 pm

    a cheery email thanking him for a great training will certainly do the trick!… believe me it pays sometimes to make the first move, i am married and when i spotted my husband @ d work place i practically ‘orchestrated’ our being where we are now i was all out with a purpose and i played it out all the while though making it seem as he was the one doing the ‘chasing’ .. it may work for you it may not life is all about taking a risk and you dont know which way the coin will fall unless you try. But i think the key thing is ‘Mr trainer’ must first and foremost be attracted to you if he is not then it is a mission in futility ..but do give it a try life is too short for regrets. No pain no gain!!!!!

    • Tee

      November 25, 2010 at 3:43 pm

      Thats the way! Big ups 🙂

  15. tonia

    November 25, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    ….so funny i cldnt not stop lol… i think u shld go for it but dont act too desperate so u wld scare him away try and find out if the coast is clear too…ok gudluck

  16. bestofamy

    November 25, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    E-mail should be the best thing to do. However, I don’t know what you have to say or if he is going to reply but I think it’s best because if you call, your nerves might give you away no matter how long you practice the lines.
    I truly understand how you feel because I have been there so many times eventhough I always promise to take a bold step the next time. It’s better to try than to wish you had. Funny thing is when you eventually get through he might not be worth all this after all. But go ahead and try. I see it as an adventure (Very exciting and challenging). Please don’t fail to update us.

  17. Okolie vanessa

    November 25, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    Call me archaic too,but i think u should 4gerit. We r Africans,n its nt in our culture or attitude 4 women 2 do the chasing. We r blacks,nt whites. Lets bear that in mind. N besides, if the guy is interested as well,let him make the first move. I rest ma case abeg.

  18. lizzy

    November 25, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    lovely article glory.Totally made my day. I agree with Bc, don’t go chasing but if u can’t help it then, a little e-mail to rub his ego the right way. The real catch here is not to overdo it. Know if he’s not into you and take the most subtle hint…cheers.

    ps: pls keep us posted on this gist aight??

  19. Mariamah

    November 25, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    I’ve always been chased , n never done the chasing before, but you can give it a try, be subtle about it. You can send him a mail talking about the training, n nonething else, the fact is, if he noticed you, he might make a move, but after sometime, if he does not make a move , free him, that way your pride will still be intact.

  20. beolar

    November 25, 2010 at 2:10 pm

    I totally agree with Temiloluwa.Not all guys that are eloquent,handsome,intelligent etc make good husbands.

  21. CC

    November 25, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    Tomorrow now you’ll be writing another post about how you’re single and be wondering where all the good men are… they were in front of you but you dulled yourself! There’s nothing wrong with letting a man know you’re interested by holding eye contact with a playful smile, just a second longer than is “appropriate” or causally saying you should hang out some time.
    There’s a reason the saying goes, the squeaky wheel gets the most oil. If you like stay there, I’m sure some day a nice guy will reach you and toast you accordingly… if the sea of piranhas that Lagos women are let him out alive.

    • canigetsomeintelligenceinhere!

      November 25, 2010 at 4:55 pm

      ROTFL!!!!!!

    • moxie

      November 25, 2010 at 5:40 pm

      piranahs!!!nearly choked on my food!u pple will not kill someone.ROTFLMAO.MY colleagues think i am crazy as i am laffin at the computer.

    • MRS SOMEBORRI

      November 25, 2010 at 6:05 pm

      Kai!! I love your comment!!! lol!!! So true…….Gloria abeg there is nothing wrong in making a subtle move.

    • IHaveSpoken

      November 29, 2010 at 6:12 pm

      This is the funniest comment ever!!! No jokes

    • Q

      December 3, 2010 at 12:26 am

      Nice one……but just be sure he like u o…if not jabo him jare….

  22. Kay

    November 25, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    I think you should not contact him. If you happen to bump into him in future, then you should definitely strike up a conversation with him, and remind him of the training session he did which you attended. If he likes you, he will take it further and ask for your number or something. It doesn’t sound like you are ready to be rejected if you make the first move, so it’s best to just leave it.

  23. Gloria Anthony

    November 25, 2010 at 2:17 pm

    wow! intresting, was in the same delima, and am still finding it difficult to make the first move, each time i try to let sleeping dogs lie, i find it difficult to resist him, so i am now trying to become his friend, trying to attend to his little needs, maybe with time, he may noticed and make the move, but i just cant make the first move, it makes me feel like am too cheap and he may not have regard, respect and value for me….

  24. Eseosa

    November 25, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    Glory Glory, call him Jare and ask him straight up , Are You in or Are u out???hahahaha

  25. Jenifa

    November 25, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    yeah i am old school too abeg leave the guy…you only have to come around a man a few timesfor him to know he would like to get acquainted with you and take things a step further. Please leave story…remember, a woman can only be happy with the man who loves her not the one she loves. it;s just sweeter to be desired as a woman

  26. oversabi

    November 25, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    Glory I say make a move. I am with a long term bf and I made d first move. Call him and subtly mention if he would luv to hang out with u and take it from there. None of my friends believed I culd make a move on a guy as I was really shy but as soon as I saw wat I wanted I was not letting it go. If u dnt try believe me u will regret it. Good luck dear and tell us how it goes.

  27. Jennifer Jesse

    November 25, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    Babe, here is the deal, send him a mail and appreciate the training classes he took, then wait for a response to that. Put yourself on the safe side ask him out for a drink or lunch and get to know the real man that he is. Afterward you can decide if you still want to chase him or him to chase you. No harm in been interested in a guy, see it more like CURIOSITY 🙂

  28. Debs

    November 25, 2010 at 2:57 pm

    Two things its either he is Married or he is Gay.. let it be

  29. Jade

    November 25, 2010 at 3:07 pm

    My advise, hell no!!! There is nothing wrong if u want to do the chasing but personally i couldnt do it. I love to be chased. If he was interested he should have made the first move, and that is that!!!

  30. D.O.T.M.H.

    November 25, 2010 at 3:22 pm

    Sister Glory, send the dude an e-mail. Don’t let him pass u by o! Me’ I’ve said my own. If he turns you down, whatever you feel (hurt or shame) will pass with time but at least you’ll know that you made a move and you won’t wonder for the rest of your life. Heck, it’ll be another story for you to share. Trust me, I KNOW what I am saying.

  31. Brown Gurl

    November 25, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    I think this is a pure Naija- english African thing. i am from french Africa and we are taught to go get our men and make them treat us with respect. Women tend to see themselves as a trophy that a guy has to win and most often they tend to treat the trophy in anyway they wish, afterall didnt he sweat to get it? I strongly believe this is 2010..Women should wake up and get a hint. Its not a chase-him-chase-her thing. Its a 2-way street. Yes the men love to chase and some men love to me chased too. They find it sexy and respect you more if you step up to the plate. Shoot I walked up to my present boyfriend and said hi. Cos I saw and liked what I saw. After we exchanged numbers he called next day and we went on a date. Initiating the relationship has nth to do with the chase. If he is someone romantic who knows how to treat a lady he will send u flowers even after u are married with 10kids..just bcos…..dont limit it to when he is chasing u….yikes. maybe its just me I have never really let a man chase me…if I like you I go for it. If not I am square as hell when i say Hell no…So ladies…Go for them!!!

    • Aidee

      June 5, 2011 at 8:15 pm

      Thanks Brown Gurl. Most girls (abi ladies) just make me laugh. Why not go for what you like? Who told them that guys don’t like being chased, or at least being encouraged? That mindset is the reason why most “classy” ladies are not in relationships. She’s talking about a guy that’s as good look as Denzel and she doesn’t think the guy has a lot of other ladies vying for his attention. I’m a guy, and by default, I know that such guys choose from the ladies that present themselves. You could do that and still maintain your respect. Pls tell her to wake up and go for what she wants, or else she’ll have to settle for whatever is available when it’s almost too late.

  32. nomad

    November 25, 2010 at 3:36 pm

    eh i’d say go for it. This is coming from someone who chased someone and had it fall flat. I lived near this guy and he was HOT and i’d always see him running with this insane body and we went to the same cafe a lot (we both occasionally worked from home) and then one day I just bit the bullet and started talking to him. We went out on a few dates and he eventually told me that he was attracted to me but 1. he just got out of a very involved relationship and 2. he was a lot older than I was (me 23, him an EXTREMELY young-looking 39). I moved sha and the thing went to die but in the end I don’t regret it because I had nothing to lose. If it worked out, great, if not there are other fish in the sea. Life is too short for unnecessary shakara and caring for what other people think. The worst he would do will be to let you down gently (trust me, guys are flattered when girls take the initiative and it would be a horrible person that would let you down harshly).. so in short, it won’t hurt if you do that and you’d probably wonder for a long time ‘what if’ if you don’t. You can be embarrassed but you get over it. The world is changing and you gotta grab it by the balls (not literally OH! hah) and stop siddon-look. And maybe if you keep the mindset that relationships can be a valuable life lesson and does not define your entire being, you can be more cavalier about it.

  33. Tee

    November 25, 2010 at 3:41 pm

    Abeg call the guy jo!

    What have you got to lose? Look at it this way – you might (a) ignore your romantic instinct to call the guy and still remain single or (b) take a chance and handle it maturely.

    Whilst we all want some good ol’ chasing (which by the way worked for me with my newly married beau :)) we wont get the guys these days without some sort of encouragements. You just need to draw a line in being matured and being desperate.

    What you don’t want to do is lay back and allow those ladies that know the way it works with men nowadays to reduce your chance of getting this Denzel-like!

    All the best babe and marital dust your way!

    Tee

    • DaBreeze

      November 26, 2010 at 9:31 am

      “Marital dust”…LOL!!!!!

  34. ejiwunmi awelewa

    November 25, 2010 at 3:51 pm

    hmmmmmmmmmm.u can .just make d move.start a conversation with him.conversation here simply involves sending him a mail to let him know u appreciate d way he delivered his training and jokingly let him know dat u ll be looking forward to anoda training from him.im sure he will reply you.den d rest will be history.*smile*

  35. Innocent bystander

    November 25, 2010 at 3:56 pm

    lol…Glory! Funny thing is, i have a story very similar to yours. I also crushed on my trainer! In his case though, it was obvious he liked me, cos he kept on making inferences and using my laptop to make illustrations 😉 However, after the training, omo boy did not show again, after thinking and deliberating with the ‘House of Commons’ I decided to send him an e-mail thanking him and asking his help on advice on a transaction, he replied in a split second…the rest is history! He has proposed and we are considering wedding dates..:)

    • mariaah

      November 25, 2010 at 6:14 pm

      wowSAA!!!Congrats..

    • ugo

      November 29, 2010 at 5:18 am

      wow! this is beautiful! 🙂

  36. Jey

    November 25, 2010 at 4:12 pm

    Take some time off to let it rest for a few weeks. Pray about it. If it dies down and the feelings/thoughts go away, then it’s a done deal. But if you continue to think about it, mull over it, and it won’t leave you alone, then I don’t see anything wrong with sending an email. I think his response to you will let you know what path it’ll follow. I don’t think it’s an either-or situation, but rather a wait and see 🙂

  37. Eq

    November 25, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    Tell u what, am so surprised that in this modern day and age ladies still think its guys who always have to do the chasing. I met my boyfriend in traffic. Tell you how it happened; i was going to dinner with my bffl when in trafiic she spotted a very handsome looking guy in his BMW. she said to me ‘Oh my God this guy is sooo fine!’ We stopped his car and were like ,’oops..sorry you look like a friend of ours’. by then i had had ample time to see him amd do a quick assesment. The next thing i knew i was scribbling my name and number on a sheet of paper (i couldn’t find my call cards). i got down from our car, dashed to his and handed the sheet of paper to him. Five minutes later he called me and he called and called and called… and before i knew it he was head over heels into me…and we hit it off. i was not that attracted to him in the beginning, but seeing and talking to him each day made me realise that he was not only physically gorgeous but was everything i wanted in a man. I remember asking him, a few months later after getting to know him, how he felt about me making amove on him. He said that its hard for men of today to see a beautiful woman and approach her.For fear of being intimidated or shunned they would not approach a pretty woman or better still a woman. A man who is mature and knows what he is about will always take over after the woman makes the move. So you see, it could be that the gentleman had noticed you too but for fear of being embarrased decided not to make his move. A man will not think you are cheap or too available if you make a move on him. he’ll rather respect you for your boldness and independence… and maybe intrigue him and he may want to get to know you more. So pls sisters step out of your comfort zones for once and spice up your lives.

    • Tell them!

      November 25, 2010 at 5:04 pm

      Thanks you oo! My sister… all these ppl waiting for fairytales! There is no one right way to this! Its all about following your instinct…! Life is a risk like some one said… !

  38. cheaster

    November 25, 2010 at 4:15 pm

    just like the case of our famous sheila and uti in the big brother house, life is just a gamble, you gain some or lose some, no two instances are the same ,gloria baby, i would suggest you find out if you guys have some common interest, take some time out and see if you think there is more to the superficial thought, then ask your self if it is worth it, i wouldnt say go for it.. i would rather say let your guards down, send him a mail or create a group link, its the web age and i guess he has been caught … then all others might fall into place.. the textbook age is so gone , embrace the new face of romance

    • bcgeorge

      November 26, 2010 at 11:44 am

      is it worth it? i like that

  39. Itsekiri Girl

    November 25, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    Glory CALL HIM OOOOO!! There’s nothing there jare. I’m also like you, i’ve never had to chase a guy before. But i think there are always exceptions, this seems like one. Pls DON’T DULL YOURSELF abeg. Pretend like you still have some questions concerning the training….. *wink* *wink* Goodluck!

  40. james

    November 25, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    Everybody’s gt their own opinon on this issue, I feel u should carefully Listen to your heart and ask God for direction. You’ll surely find answers to your question. Remember we are not good judges and do not act on people’s opinion here cos what might work for them will not work for you.

    • Jack

      November 28, 2010 at 2:27 am

      No be everything them go ask God! Ahh! Ptchewww..

    • yishe

      December 10, 2010 at 9:11 am

      finally!!! thank you! i thought i was the only one that felt this way, im christian and all but shey na everything thou must “ask God”? abegi!

  41. Life is easyyy.. we all make it difficult!

    November 25, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    Globaby… To me.. if i see ppl i like.. girl or boy… I talk to them… You dnt have to act desperate.. but the first step to every long lasting relationship is friendship.

    What we are all talking about or arguing about is what i call making friends. I have guy friends and girl friends i met this way… They looked smart.. and I was attracted to their person… not that i did not think about what it would be like dating the some of the guys ooo! but I made sure i reminded myself that there were just friends…

    And if they eventually want more it is up to them.

    The problem with us girls is that once we see a guy we are already dreaming of the wedding day and what our kids will look like… pls… lets all try to take a chill pill..

    So in all the above rambling… what i’m trying to say is that.. there is nothing wrong in you giving him a call.. and having some nice and intelligent conversation. You might eventually talk to him and find out you guys cant even be friends and if you can be friends.. you will know as well.

    I have called alot of guys that I liked or was attracted to …. it really all about the mindset you have when making those contacts.

    To me it is the plus side of being single… you can have as many single guy friends as possible and no one will question who is who!

    To be frank, if i was you… I would have called the guy jo( no dating plans in mind) just making friends! and pls not an everyday phone call! if no call is returned.. abeg push aside.. .you have nothing to lose.. you were just trying to make friends… SIMPLYYY

  42. laolu

    November 25, 2010 at 4:43 pm

    am of the opionion that the guy should do the chasing, thats what they are called to do, so if you are meant to be, God will arrange it in a way that will blow your mind, so girl, dont do the chasing.

  43. Karimah

    November 25, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    Babes… don’t usually support a chic going all out but mehn…. some guys r just clueless. tried it once… got his number… called a couple of times and he didn’t take it from there… so here was I “sulking”… months later, here comes another who actually gave me his pin 1st.. I took it up from there and tho nofin major has come out of it… seems somefin might with time…. guess you should call…. if u are willing to take the risk… life is a risk…

  44. Smarty

    November 25, 2010 at 4:53 pm

    I sincerly do not see reasons why a lady cannot make the first move on a guy she is quite attracted to. Ladies should learn from Hillary Clinton’s experience at a seminar. This was a lady that found a guy she was attracted to,after several glances from both side, she walk up to Bill Clinton and said ‘if we continue this glances,we would end up achieving nothing. My name is Hillary,what about yours.’ from this experience,i think one can make the first move with an absolute wisdom.

    • jcsgrl

      November 25, 2010 at 5:32 pm

      And we see how many times he cheated on her…but they lived happily ever after

    • BC

      November 25, 2010 at 5:58 pm

      I was thinking the same thing!!!!! ROTFL.

    • mariaah

      November 25, 2010 at 7:20 pm

      lol jcgrl.. Anywhere there’s a Hilary/Clinton mention.. A Lewinsky abideth in their midst…hmmnn but they are still together..

    • Jack

      November 28, 2010 at 2:33 am

      Fallacy of “Appeal to Belief” . . . So you’re saying – if a man makes the first move, he isn’t going to cheat?

  45. LovesPost

    November 25, 2010 at 4:54 pm

    Ok… this is to everyone that has ever read Glory’s posts, I am sure someone knows someone who knows someone who knows… (u get the gist) Mr Trainer on this timeline. Abeg, set them up… more like help their path cross 🙂

  46. samson

    November 25, 2010 at 5:14 pm

    that guy is me. i noticed her but i dont like her.

    • Amseriouslyinlove.

      November 25, 2010 at 5:24 pm

      u are lying! Common, it’s obvious its not u! ..Lol

    • mariaah

      November 25, 2010 at 5:57 pm

      RLOL….. but its nt you…

    • Damola

      November 25, 2010 at 10:15 pm

      laughing.

    • D.O.T.M.H.

      November 25, 2010 at 11:29 pm

      Indeed!

    • DaBreeze

      November 26, 2010 at 9:35 am

      LOL!!!! Don’t you wish

  47. Amseriouslyinlove.

    November 25, 2010 at 5:19 pm

    Mine is similar to Eq….

    It happened far back in 1999( I was in J.S.S3) when I came home from the boarding house 4 a midterm, my friend had come to visit me and I was accompanying her back to her house down the street when I saw this Tall, handsome & gorgeous guy with my friend’s brother ( we said hello to them briefly), i asked from my friend who that guy was and she said they are family friends. By then he was in S.S.S3 and I in J.S.S3..Hope u are following the story?

    I went back to school and couldnt get him off my mind, I would ask after him from my friend almost everytime we talk and will go visit my friend at every opportunity when I come back from school just incase he’s in their house too, sometimes I might find him there and sometimes not. I was shy but I had an intention,nothing happened all this while.

    When I had finish my education in secondary school, I kept visiting this same friend until one day I was outside my house and saw him with a girl..that really broke my heart but was nice to him even afterwards I knew about that, he took me like a sister cos he is 6years older than me and has never thought about asking me out until a very faithful day while I was walking down the street on an errand,we chatted a bit and asked where he was heading to, he said to the hospital cos he wasnt feeling too good..immediately i said can I come with u? he said yes, i rushed back home showered and off we went to the hospital, we were so free with each other & all of a sudden, a sharp object wounded his finger at the hospital but b4 the nurse could come, I had looked for a cotton wool plus methylated spirit just to make sure he was alright..afterwards he told me that really touched his heart & from their considered to ask me out cos he sees me as a caring person but later told me the girl I saw him with jilted him and that was why he was sick with high blood pressure, I can go on & on but on a faithful day in November 2003, he officially asked me out..for those years,No sex or whatsoever( until2009, it just happened naturally & it was sweet..he disvirgined me inbetween…we both try now abi),I came to to the UK to study in 2006 & we didnt set our eyes on each other for 3years and lo! and behold we were still hanging there 4 each other, he came to the U.K to join me in 2009 and since its been blissful, he proposed in April this year but are yet to finalise when the wedding will be btw am just 24 while he’s 30..so we are still kind of Ok..abi?
    I will tell u we work hard to keep the relationship intact; I have had so many girls try to snatch him 4rm me and a girl had told him to divirgin her since he is handsome but he said NO! he will never cheat on his babe,, we love each other very much hence the commenting name’Amseriouslyinlove’, its been fresh for 7years On now,,never a break or nothing….So Glory the choice is yours, take the risk by been friendly plus dont look desperate, I will email him and leave ur number as a signature( he wouldnt think u did it conciously, then never 4get to pray to make him love you the way you do)..
    I’m lucky,Between he is my first love! hope nobody founds out it’s me..LOL, Oooops.It could be anybody!

    • ccute

      November 25, 2010 at 8:01 pm

      SMH! hahahaha.. enjoy my dear:)

    • Ready

      November 25, 2010 at 9:45 pm

      Comments reserved….that was TMI though…cringe-worthy TMI.

  48. Hali

    November 25, 2010 at 5:20 pm

    Do you know if he’s married or not? I think you should find that out first before initiating any kind of move.

    • eparker

      November 26, 2010 at 1:49 pm

      I agree with you! 🙂 it’s the first step we women need to know before to avoid being hurt.

  49. hehe

    November 25, 2010 at 6:19 pm

    i support the email stance!
    uhh, try sending a “further assistance” email. pay him those subtle compliments and ask a professional question. a la “i just need to clarify so and so”
    that way he knows your name & email.
    uhh try to use a signature too.. 😉 with your email, and office PHONE NUMBER. *winks*

    • Garnetcore "Boss"

      November 26, 2010 at 8:34 pm

      lol @ signature!

  50. blithe

    November 25, 2010 at 6:19 pm

    lol.. i like

  51. Another Ifeoma

    November 25, 2010 at 7:03 pm

    I used to be a firm believer in the “Want it, take it” thingy. So, I went after him and today we are married. But before you go “Aww!” ,it’s one of the few regrets I have about my life’s choices. He is completely uninterested in me and when he does notice my existence, it’s with undisguised disgust. I can’t help thinking that my ” easyness” had everything to do with it.(And , I’m in the best shape of my life even though I’ve 2 kids.) Bottomline, it’s almost impossible for a man to cherish a woman he didn’t sweat for. That’s just God’s honest truth. So, sister, DONT do it… Just back away from the trainer’s card. Que sera sera!

    • Ready

      November 25, 2010 at 9:47 pm

      That sounds really sad, I hope the “want it-take it” attitude helps you to work things out. Everyone deserves happiness. Hold your head up, hot mama!

    • Jack

      November 28, 2010 at 2:41 am

      Yeah right. Just because yours didn’t work out doesn’t mean hers won’t. I read a few “happy ending” stories here. Yours is different, your luck. Hers might not, who knows?

  52. Molicious

    November 25, 2010 at 7:12 pm

    Omg, lwkmd at all the comments…a man having to chase a woman to “win” her, you be medal? Lmao
    Glory Glory Glory, this post made me laugh, it’s clear you’re not comfortable with approaching him but remember, no one ever got anywhere by sitting on their behinds. You talked about a certain “aunty” that comes to your office to sulk instead of going on with her life in your previous post, maybe it’s time to take some of your own advise…but wait, a face that rivals Denzel’s in his prime, abeg post his contact info, just kidding b4 BN readers chew me up 🙂 😉

    • ruby

      November 26, 2010 at 7:37 am

      hahahaah nice one

  53. jmayaki11

    November 25, 2010 at 8:31 pm

    hmmmmmmmmm!!!!!! So many gist ooooo! I like d idea of a friend calling, (sounds cliché) but I go with u calling d guy( email is a No No, so many tins cld go wrong, n wat r u going 2 write?) call him 2 say thank you 4, see ow he responds, ask if u guys cld go 4 lunch smetym., let him b d one 2 ask questions bout date n details.
    Jst 2 say, I rily envy ur courage, I still dnt v d nerve 2 walk up 2 a guy, I still do d flirting tin and smiling and ass shaking n killer outfits, works like hell 4 me!!!

  54. rebranded

    November 25, 2010 at 9:05 pm

    i almost reached ORGASMMM readin dis piece, goshhhhhhhhhh,, glory i dnt kno YEA, BT u defo av to give GOD ur dat name bck as a gift of wat he´s given ya!! go CHICA, go glory,, WONERFULL PIECE AM SINGLE n jus 4 a second i felt lik it was meee,, LOVE IS A BEAUTIFUL TING,,,, Ders nofing mor awesom dan wen a REALL GUY askin u out,, dammmmm,, am jus short of words .. ama b bck!!!! d orgasm no want stop!!!! lol

  55. Daretospeak

    November 25, 2010 at 9:10 pm

    I agree with BC and Temi (even tho they differ in their advise). Its cool to go after what you want, I mean just give em a try wont hurt! However, when it comes to guys, a horrie for that matter, best believe most time they know they are horries and are expecting that one call!In most cases as I have experienced, those kind of guys dont push much, he’s smart enough to probably know that it wasnt only you who enjoyed the training sessions. If he has been training for a while, he’s probably even got ‘thank you for the training’ cards (if theres one out there!If not some girls go fit coin am sha).So to be honest let sleeping dogs lie. Even as I fine die like this (lol!just saying you gotta appreciate urself), when I make my move on a horrie, they seem to smell where am coming from, from afar!and trust me am a very good actress, but still!so my point being, If a guy, a man really really wants you and feels the way you do right now, he will pick up the phone trust me!he will chase you reall good! #myown2pence#

  56. LADYTINA

    November 25, 2010 at 9:58 pm

    chica,, jus a bit of adVICE, DONT EVA GIV HIM D ILLUSIONS DAT U IN 4 HIM NO MATTER HW MUCH u love himm,,, ITS NATURAL, ITS A FACT N ITS BEEN proven MEN LOV it d hard way(men lov somfing dey no dey cant get, d tossin n strugglin makes em feel real masculine),, stepup ur game gurl, n keep it real cul,,, av got cousins (wo act d go-getter attitude), av always been dat shy n dull type as in approachin men at 1st sight( n on several occasions admired my cousins,, bt u wont believe afta a short while wat happens “””” the same men com BACK TO D SHY COUSIN(ME) FOR SOM REAL N SINCERE LOVE QUEST, N BOI U SUD HEAR D REAL SHITS DEY TOK BOUT MA COUSINS,, NT LIK I F**KED HER,, BT MORE LIK *ARGHHHHH*(note d relationships dnt survive a life time,, infactuation defines it more)!! SOOOO PLZZZZZ I BEG OF U TO KEEP IT CHILL, PRAYYYY, (WATS URS WILL DEFO B,GOD AINT SLEEPIN),, N KEEP UR SWAGGER TIGHT,,, best wishes,,,, n as 4 d invitin him to a dinner,,,wo will foot d bill??, u go com eat drink den open ur mouth 4 make e pay bill??(nobi u invited am),,???? shine ur eyes pp,,,, till out paths cross am out!!

    EVEN WEN HE COMS ACTIN ALL SWEET, ACT D REAL YOU, APPRECIATE HIM(CONCERNIN D TRAINNIN TING), N IF HE LOVES YA´LL FLOW IF HE DOESN´T YA ´LL DULL!!!

  57. mike

    November 25, 2010 at 10:52 pm

    WOW this site has to be recommended at hospitals now,no jokes.i feel so much better from laughing and reading about life’s experiences

  58. Shade

    November 25, 2010 at 11:09 pm

    Honestly, I don’t know how you will cope if he should say no!

    • Jack

      November 28, 2010 at 2:54 am

      That’s what women do to men on a daily basis. Get used to it.

  59. dami

    November 25, 2010 at 11:47 pm

    you know there is a word saying ” you”ll never know until you try” who knows he could even be your potential husband ! we dont know what life holds for us. Like some of the BN readers are saying do contact the guy, start off as a mutual friendly conversation via emails but i wouldn’t suggest that you should leave your number until he ask for it (he may feel like you too forward..) . I remember when i was at uni, i had a hot feelings (lol) for this guy gosh i couldn’t think straight and i could tell he likes me because when ever he sees me he always eyeing me stylishly lol after few weeks of eyeing each other i realise he to shy to make a move which i found funny as he a very loud boastful person in front of his friends but when he is alone he so quiet as a mouse anyway luckily one of his friend happens to be my friend so i found out about him and ask his friend to give me his number which he did, so the first time that i called him i acted like i wasn’t all gaga about him so we became closer and knew more about each other so that how the relationship blossomed …. assuming i didn’t made the move, i wouldn’t have had that privilege to know him more than the ‘bad boy’ image he seems to create among his friends lol

  60. Blackknight

    November 25, 2010 at 11:50 pm

    To Amseriouslyinlove…………….STORY! !!!! Nollywood Movie titled ‘The Virgin Part 2; staring Mike Ezuronye and Ini Edo! Make I hear word Joo…..Pshweeee…….

  61. Blackknight

    November 26, 2010 at 12:02 am

    For me,I love it when a beautiful,smart and intelligent lady gives me all the right signals and still holds her forte……unfortunately,they always blow it as they don’t challenge us.The implication?We get bored.. prove to us that you are just not a beautiful face…..but a lady who can communicate effectively……….Hmmm,I love that Hillary Clinton’s move…..’If we keep glancing at each other,we aren’t going to achieve anything’…..My name is Hillary,and what about you?Brilliant!!!Ladies,never let your opportunity pass you by,do the chasing if you see him first….but do it smartly…..

  62. Oma

    November 26, 2010 at 12:20 am

    my dear,what happens when he does not even remember your name or what you look like?
    well as for me,i can tell i guy that i think he is cute.
    if he does not take a cue and make the next move,i will let him walk.at least i tried.
    everyone has a reason to be thankful.http://lifethroughomaseyes.blogspot.com

    • Jack

      November 28, 2010 at 3:08 am

      Lool. So because you told a guy he’s cute, you expect him to take it from there? What if you’re just saying it with no ulterior motives? Shebi so you’ll come here and start bashing him (esp. if you didn’t have any intentions of even getting to know him)? *with your palm, smack yourself on the forehead twice*

  63. caramel_drops

    November 26, 2010 at 12:27 am

    everyone is suggesting subtle moves, if he doesnt respond…for how long is she suppose to carry on with that?

  64. miss pee

    November 26, 2010 at 1:05 am

    loooooooooool!!!!!!!!!! awwwww…….i could say if its meant to be, then it will be….but hey, what the heck? you might as well call him? dont think you would lose anything tbh…and again you sound like an attractive young lady, that always or nearly always works to our benefit….so go for it!!!!!
    plus scrap the relocation joooor, is he the only hottie?? *hiss*..LOL..
    GOODLUCK BABE!xxx

  65. toju

    November 26, 2010 at 1:39 am

    I just have to say that as much as I love reading bellanaija, I LOVE LOVE LOVE reading the comments.Too much fun

  66. ruby

    November 26, 2010 at 7:35 am

    Na wa for some of you babes..whats wrong in a babe sampling the signs in front of the guy??if you like him…slap him some few hints…if he is a correct guy he will follow up..if he is a ju-man he might not…atleast you tried…dont fall into the ´´had i know´´situation

  67. Dor-Dor

    November 26, 2010 at 8:35 am

    I concur with everyone that says give a call…(after didnt desmond eliot’s wife propose to him) crazy tho but hey..she’s got him!it doesnt make u less of a woman..who knows he feels same way but not sure of ur re-action-men too are afriad of rejection!Saying hi wont hurt a fly!

    • Feelitx

      November 26, 2010 at 12:11 pm

      well said.

  68. dami

    November 26, 2010 at 9:25 am

    lol at all the comments! I don’t think initiating contact=chasing a guy. You’re just letting him know you’re interested, and if he’s down, he should holler at you, thats all!
    Also, take into account that he was at your company on business, wouldn’t it be very unprofessional if he asked a client out? As a matter of fact, wouldn’t you have been skeptical if he had flirted with you? I mean, who comes in for training and toasts his student? I say, send an email: “hey cutie[insert name], (lmao!) thanks again for the traning, very useful. Next time you’re in my neck of the woods we should do lunch or drinks, my number is …[insert number]” But of course, you have to prepare yourself for no response or a friendly “glad you enjoyed the training. will definately hit you up”, which he never does. lol! You’re a big girl though, if he doesn’t take the bait, on to the next!

  69. theresa

    November 26, 2010 at 9:45 am

    lol….funny story….i was once like you…never chasing after my heart’s desire….i always believed if he wants me he will come after me…but that is a fib my sister….so heres what i did…i had a friend who i knew liked me….but never asked me out….so after 5 years of being friends…i finally asked him out for sushi….my excuse was that it was his grad gift….n it worked….turned out i only needed to ask him out once…and he totally took over…of course i had to give some subtle hints here and there…..so in your case i would call him…no text/ email…cos you leaving a trail behind….tell him that you found him interesting and ask him out for coffee….as friends….and see where it goes…if it is meant to be he will be chasing after you sooner than you think…but still be old fashioned….let him take the next step…ie let him call you after your first date….and he will…you can also add him on fb…and take it from there….anyways goodluck with everything…and dont fear rejection….cos guess what not everyone will find you attractive as you do them….its part of life and maturing….ciao

  70. kay

    November 26, 2010 at 11:31 am

    let him be; know that what has passed you by was not going to befall you and what has befallen you was not going to pass you by..if was meant to be it will happen

  71. Feelitx

    November 26, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    You lost the best opportunity by not approaching him during the training sesseions. It could have sent the message in a subtle manner. Its going to be a lot harder for you now. Granted, most responsible and mature men will respect your courage/guts if you come unto them. Take a bold step today and place that call. You can be sure that even if he is not interested, he will not be harsh or disrespectful. Goodluck Jonathan too.

  72. onthesubject

    November 26, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    My dear, dont mind these ppl…there is a very thin line between throwing urself at a man and giving him the greenlight/being friendly…just dont cross it…there is nothing wrong with giving greenlight! go for it!!!

  73. eparker

    November 26, 2010 at 1:48 pm

    very interesting story… hmmm… it’s not wrong to be a friend or flirt a man, but make sure he is not married.

  74. shirlz

    November 26, 2010 at 2:17 pm

    There’s a huge difference between letting your interest be known and a full-on chase. The dude was your trainer and me thinks, its speaks well of his character that he didn’t come at you immediately. It was a very professional environment and to be honest he probably wasn’t look (men can be clueless like that). Send him an email, tell him you found him intriguing and leave it at that. He’ll know you are interested and your not pursuing the matter any further allows him to do the chasing. Some men just need to be pointed in the right direction 😉

  75. PHAT

    November 26, 2010 at 2:29 pm

    CC i agree with you totally!! Nice piece tho……Glory dear just follow your heart and remember the greater the risk the better the thrill SO GO FOR IT!! this sounds to me like the begining of a BN “‘ Our Wedding Story”” pls whatever you decide to do……have FUN.

  76. honeybee

    November 26, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    Babe, go for it jo!! I had a guy friend i liked so much and we got along so well but i wasn’t sure if he liked me. Anyway, after being friends for years, one coversation led to another and i told him i had liked him for years. To my surprise, he said he liked me too but was not sure how i was going to react to the revelation and that was why he had not said anything to me. Now we are looking for a place together!! So please, he might just be the one oh….

  77. PHAT

    November 26, 2010 at 4:10 pm

    Mr Blackknight…. is BN blog spot……doing it smartly?

  78. Tres Belle

    November 26, 2010 at 5:10 pm

    p.s. If the guy is a BellaNaija.com reader, I might have to relocate to Ghana! ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! can’t breathe!!!! hahahahahaha…………
    @Ujubabe and Temi. GBAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but i think you should call him and try the “Hi i just came across ur number thru a friend and i decided to say thank you for the Training” approach. LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  79. Patience I

    November 26, 2010 at 5:49 pm

    Glory, I’m of the opinion that the guy should do the chasing. But in this situation, the trick is to make it look like a coincidence. Since you have his contact, get to know him by going to his place of work at your leisure and make it look like you stumbled into him and then start off a conversation based on the training stuff… that’s a better one unlike the regular “call him, e-mail”
    N.B if it’s the way of God and it’s meant to be, then it will be.

  80. AZ_Sosa

    November 26, 2010 at 10:30 pm

    Truth be told, it is better if a woman lets a man be a man. If you are a woman, with self respect and dignity, and you fancy a fella, your feminity is already a subtle hint. You can flirt a little, drop a cute smile here and there – nothing flatters a guy or lets him know that you are into him than when you smile and L.I.S.T.E.N. Guys like girls that listen.

    Do not ask a chap for his number. If you are open enough, and friendly enough, the natural laws of attraction should propel him to take charge. if he cant do that, then he is not the one for you, or it just is not meant to be.

    trust me, if a guy fancies you, he will talk to you and chat you up. I know fellas that have literally climbed mountains and parted seas to talk to girls they fancied.

    The problem today is that our women-folk are concentrating on getting money to buy the latest fancy articial lace-front weaves from Brazil, and fake-lashes that make them look like Minnie Mouse, as well as the foreign accents, but they are not learning the natural ways a woman uses to attract her intended man. Those ways, passed on from mother to daughter, are being lost in transition, especially to the present generation. You can wear the fanciest clothes, but every woman needs to learn social graces in attracting a fella she wants, without coming accross cheap or desperate. Think of how your mothers and grandparents did it back then. Think more of Grace Kelly than Nicki Minaj.

    The problem with our generation is that roles are being switched between genders or blurred so much that men cower, while woman are being pushed to approach men instead. This should never happen, or very soon men would wear gowns and veils at the wedding, while the woman shows up in a tux and puts the ring on his finger.

    Please read this articles: http://woahnigeria.wordpress.com/2010/10/15/let-us-play-mama-and-papa/

    • dami O

      November 28, 2010 at 1:28 am

      laughing at the “fake-lashes that make them look like Minnie Mouse, as well as the foreign accents” that is so funny

  81. Dami J

    November 27, 2010 at 12:00 am

    haha.. hmmm… well i say send an email and see if he picks it up and replies. If you are feeling brave, give him a call.. but do your research first…. find out what kind of person is he.. is he married.. kids.. yadeyah.. you dont want to bag your prince charming and then find out he has skeletons in his closet you can’t handle…. let us know what you did and the outcome 🙂

  82. Justthinkn

    November 27, 2010 at 6:54 am

    Okay, I usually don’t comment on this but I have too much fun reading and I am a huge Bellanaija fan, BUT for this one I have to make an exception. Half the time, we ladies try to act like we don’t know what’s up. Many people are telling you to go ahead, email him, call him and the whole 9, and some are telling you that chasing is not for only men. This boy meets girl has become so complicate these days, jeeez. There’s no FIXED mathematical approach for SURE success so everyone do as u see fit. lol. All that being said, I refuse to agree or disagree but I will point out a couple things. 1) Unless the dude is a HUGE mumu, LOL, when u send him an email or call him, he is going to know that u like him or @ least think he is cool enough to be tolerated or worthy enough to occupy a space(no matter how tiny) in ur thoughts. That being said, he knows u sha like small. Now, how that will end depends on how u handle it when he gives u a reaction u either like or don’t like. So I would say BE PREPARED FOR THE WORST!! 2) There’s absolutely no way u can tell me u don’t know if he’s digging u or not. Did u catch him staring @ one point or the other? Did he do certaing things u could “assume” meant something? Not to say all actions by men need to be taken as an ” I like u.” LOL. But at least, if u know he liked what he saw small when he was checking u out, u might feel a little better trying to contact him because there would be more “inspiration”. LOL. 3. Is he even availabllllleeeee??? Nor be Lagos? That boy fit dey single or drama-free? LOL. It is possible sha, but this is what u need to try to find out. I’m not all for chasing a man and at the same time, I’m not all for u chilling and assuming that every man must chase u. I believe in being smart about ur decisions and being ready to deal with the consequences. So mii darlin Glory, ask urself these questions, make a decision and go with it FULLY ready to deal with the consequences at the end. Either way, I support ur decision esp if u give it good thought before plunging. *wink wink* Lovely write-up by the way, Bellanaija makes my day ALL the time. 🙂

  83. Seiko

    November 27, 2010 at 10:16 am

    Glory, just call the dude. writing a text message/email is bait and it could be used as an evidence and most of all it is bait. ring him and narrate how you noticed him and how he was staring @yah… and please, be precise and straight to the point. If i were in your shoes, he would most likely be sitting next to me by now……

  84. esssss

    November 27, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    I strongly believe its a man’s job to go after a woman…just like you said,if he liked you he would have made a move…but what you can do is send a message or something that totally has nothing to do with you liking him…but in that message,include something that would make him laugh and really want to continue the conversation and from there he’ld have you in mind and probably one thing would lead to another…but never make it look like you sent the first message to get his attention…probably if u guys get married u can confess to him one day..loool

  85. moi

    November 27, 2010 at 5:14 pm

    glory wat is all dis?at this tym and age u r askin such questionz,if u want sumtin den get it,im sure wen u guys sit down for drink or dinner u wont even be intrigues as much or wud i say their wont be chemistry and u would be totally bored.ask him out show him u r a boss lady dat is still very hot lookin in ur skinny jeanz and prada bag

  86. moi

    November 27, 2010 at 5:15 pm

    intrugued****

  87. moi

    November 27, 2010 at 5:16 pm

    also babe its not everytin dat looks gud in the eye wil taste gud

  88. NNENNE

    November 28, 2010 at 1:33 am

    Could you be infatuated? Follow your heart. I don’t believe in making the first move.My friends all taught I was going to end up an old maid.I could be described as an average lady, not ugly , not very beatiful but career minded.I met my husband in New York City in the msot unthinkable way.He is so handsome my friends could not believe he is all African.He had so many women wooing him at that time.Women who were better than me in any way imaginable.For whatever reason best known to him,he kept the chase.He was my first.We have been married for seventeen years now.What will be, will be!

  89. babesrene

    November 28, 2010 at 9:38 pm

    i am also one of those chics who has refused to include men chasing as one of my 21st century female indepence and girl empowerment scheme.. but sometimes its ok to take a chance because you nver can tell esp. if he’s the kind of guy that makes u loose sleep at night. i’d suggest you e-mail him and see where that takes you. his response shld determine ur next move.

  90. ibukungeorge

    November 29, 2010 at 2:55 am

    lol.am grinning like a cat hahahah….personally i dont believe in chasing a guy but hey!it doesnt hurt if u give a lil green light.He could c it but if he doesnt pls move on his not mearnt for u

  91. Lerato

    November 29, 2010 at 11:33 am

    Girl,
    Your story is a classic – in a good demure way of what life is suposed to be as against the hard edged sword of seduction as perceived these days.
    If i were in your shoes, I would send him an email thanking him for delivering his portion of the training so eloquently and professionally. and you wont mind if he would be liable to giving you some more pointers over drinks [then you will choose a nice place and convenient which wont be suggestive of any other agenda on your part. have a few drinks, talk about the training and gradually progress to asking about his accomplishments and how he got to that point where he makes it look so effortless. Please, please and please dont do the hand jittering or flutterin in any way; keep your hand movements to a bare minimum but dont clasp them together (that shows you are nervous).
    Ask him if you could email him from time to time when you had other issues you could do with his advice or input, and let him take it or leave it from there.

    Good luck!! Really looking forward t the rest of this story …… and if the trainer IS a BN reader, please don’t make it hard on her – maybe 5years down the line when you are better friends you can bring it up casually and laugh about it as friends past that stage of embarrassment. lol!!

  92. Mo'

    November 29, 2010 at 8:57 pm

    Please don’t send him an email . He’s no fool… he’ll read meanings into it once you (out of all the trainees) emailed him thanking him or anything of the sorts. My advice… if you’re on linked-in, you can add him as a connection. A professional trainer like him should be on there. That’s more professional. You can then send him a message on there about how professional his training was and how much you learnt from it. If he’s interested, believe me, he’ll take the leap cos your email address would be obvious. If he doesn’t, then girl, move on. Atleast you’ll have your dignity, and just in case he happens to be immature, he won’t be able to brag to his friends about how this girl made moves on him.

  93. MissDee

    November 30, 2010 at 11:03 am

    LWKMD…my advice is ‘pls dont call him o’. Such suave guys think they are “the next best thing after microwave”

  94. London

    November 30, 2010 at 10:32 pm

    Girl man up and call that man up !!

  95. brownie

    December 3, 2010 at 11:59 am

    LOL…………………………….cannt stop

  96. kenora

    December 3, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    i dont knw wht to say,bcuz i also dont belive in making the first move .i belive wht is urs is urs ,if that guy is urs he we make the first move

  97. Timma

    December 3, 2010 at 7:34 pm

    Lol,usually i make friends with the guy i fancy and things move naturally from there,if the guy is really into you, the relationship will evolve into something deeper, i know from experience that’s how mine started and we are happily married with 2 cute boys to show for it, so go for it girlfriend.

  98. Adeola

    December 8, 2010 at 1:46 pm

    Girl, Puhleese! I hope you have called him. God help you, he is not hitched or gay! Now that will be AAAAAAWWWWWWWWKKKKKKKWARD!

  99. Ulo

    December 8, 2010 at 5:43 pm

    This is good stuff my dear girl. although by noe i think you would have taken your decision. All i wanted to do is say good luck and wish you God’s blessings. This man-woman game is not a moonlight dance.

  100. maggie de vries

    December 14, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    lol

  101. ijubreel

    December 14, 2010 at 10:27 pm

    if he was really interested he should have hit on you at least once during the training.

  102. slim

    December 15, 2010 at 2:18 pm

    think u shuld call him up and tell him u just wanna hear his voice and know how his doing…if his really interested he would return your call!

  103. Model Protegee

    December 17, 2010 at 7:03 am

    lolol.I was laughing through the comments. Keep it very subtle almost not there..Guys like to take the initiative

  104. Noni

    January 7, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    Glory, take this from a woman who has tried this ‘aggressive woman, take what she wants’ character not once or twice…it never works. Men were genetically made to enjoy the thrill of the chase. They want to be the hunters. The agbaya will play along because he enjoys the attention and is hoping to get some action, but believe me, you will always be the one who loves more…and no woman is happy in that state. I can also refer you to a couple of cousins who have tried this formular. Biko, my sister, save yourself the heartbreak and nail biting!!!

  105. Calabarboy

    January 10, 2011 at 7:45 am

    You want to know the truth? Your emotions are riding high my dear and when you see another man with such endowments, you blood will boil again. So you cannot make such critical decisions based on a formal engagement with a man who probably doesn’t know your name, who several other women may be eye-ing, and who probably has to contend with the fact that some other woman is trying to jazz him. So for the love of your life, look at the mirror and tell yourself: “this too shall pass” and you will feel better and move on with your life. What is yours will respectfully come to you and not emotionally punish you like this.
    Finally, it is still incredible to see what people still believe. Meanwhile at the root of this belief system is the a media-driven ethos perpetuated by all the dangerous novels we have read and the movies we have watched. So my sister, let this one pass so that your eyes will see better and make clearer judgment so you don’t miss a God-given gift that may be perambulating around you and waiting for your acknowledgment.
    From an old fashioned brother 🙂

  106. ME AND ME

    January 27, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    You are too beautiful to run after him. The bible said “He that findeth a wife” and not vice versa.
    Thanks

  107. jess

    March 10, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    i have to agree with amseriouslyinlove. he wouldn’t notice you if you dont clue him into your existence. some guys need to be whacked on the head just to see what is in front of them and who better to do this than you. I’m all for letting the man do the chasing but over the years, i’v lost all my crushes. so heres the deal, you are going to oh-so-subtly chase this guy (if you are still interested). Let him notice you and then proceed to dazzle him with your “intelligence” (you know what they say about like minds) and the rest will work itself out. good luck.

  108. Lilpeach

    April 14, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    iI totally Agree wif Temioluwa,men are hunters by nature.if u start chasing him nw,u’ll neva stop.u’ll have 2 chase him thruout d duration of ur relationship.jst let it lie,ur own will cum 2 u & wil do the chasing nt d other way round.

  109. Lynn

    July 21, 2011 at 3:28 pm

    hhmmm…i’m goin to be a late commentator but i’ve had an experience. Well, TDH (tall, dark, handsome) was a friend and i invited him for a dinner sometime in abj and he dressed perfectly well with a sweet cologne dat could kill any gurl. Well, after d dinner, TDH left the country and we lost touch but he gave me his complimentay card and we neva spoke. 2yrs later, i’m in UK n somehow stumbled onto d onto the dinner pix and dat took me down memory lane so i somehow found his complimentary card in my wallet and then was caught up in same dilemma as Bella. Ok, i decided o just send a simple and innocent “Hi” email……………and that was it. TDH replied and went on about how he wanted to start up something back in 9ja but thot i may not be cool wit going the extra mile, funny thing is he replied the mail wiv 3 of his pictures(hhmmm) where he was in Dubai. As fate will have it, he was just in dubai for some official work but was actuallly resident in UK(same location as me). …and bla bla bla. My point is, well, you can just send an inoocent mail just like mine and see if the dude will respond…if he wants u, he’ll take d bait. If not.let him walk cos guys love the chase and dont value something they didnt work for. All da best dear,…i’m a new reader of ur articles so i’m just going thru the older posts.

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