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Wanted: Some Domesticity, Please!

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Recently my mother and my younger sister came over to my place to spend a few weeks. One day, my sister called me at work to say that there was no light (in these parts by “light” we actually mean “power”) as almighty PHCN had done what they know how to do best, and had cut the “light”. The security guy had unfortunately traveled and they needed to put on the power generator. I proceeded to take her through the steps of putting on the generator. I made sure she understood before I hung up. A few hours later, I got home to find that the generator, which was on, had an unusual engine sound and that there was a faint smell of fumes in the apartment. Immediately I knew something was not right. I quickly ran to the back where the generator was and discovered that the choke had not been returned to its original position, hence the uneven running of the engine and the production of dangerous, toxic fumes. I was mad to say the least and I yelled at my sister. Two things: someone could have died due to carbon monoxide poisoning; and the new generator could have gone bad. Why didn’t she call to say that there was an unusual noise, after all my parents had the same kind of generator at home?! My mother said that she had pointed out it out to my sister but she had not responded. My sister, who has a post graduate degree, did not say one word. I proceeded to enlighten my sister on the “need to take an interest in these things” as although women are the “weaker” sex there are times she would find herself in situations where she would have to carry out male related domestic chores.

It got me thinking about the need for a woman to have an appreciable level of domesticity. Yes, I quite agree that things have changed a lot since the Stone Age and that women now aspire to greater things beyond the realm of kitchen, home and bedroom activities. But the truth remains that women are supposed to be quite proficient at keeping and running a home. Before you scream “Off with his head!” please let me get my point across using an illustration or two.

During NYSC, there was this girl that was certainly one of the belles of camp. She was beautiful, smart and fun to be with it; she was nearly always surrounded by guys who, with much reason, were attracted to her. After camp, a few of us – guys and girls – who had become friends in camp, found ourselves posted to the capital and we ended up sharing a house. As you can imagine, the place became some sort of “corpers’” lodge and we had friends squatting (to tell the truth I was also technically a squatter, but hey, I’m the one telling the story, right?) after a few weeks, our allowances had run out and so we had to stop eating out and start going to the market. We agreed to make contributions towards cooking proper meals, which the girls would cook. To cut a long story short, we discovered that belle couldn’t cook to save her life and in no short amount of time, she lost her status as a major babe as the guys who were initially wowed by her beauty and charm, gradually began to gravitate towards the more domestic women in the house! And it was not just about the cooking, it was about taking charge of her room, the living area, the kitchen, the guys etc. It was a sad thing to see as she kind of lost her swagger and confidence. Initially, she was defiant in the face of it all because to tell the truth she was discriminated against; however she began to see reason as to why men would prefer domestically capable women and she began to put in an effort and changed.

Funny enough there was another girl who shared a really hilarious story about how she was left at home alone for about two weeks; and during this period for some strange reason, all the light bulbs in her house went off one after the other. As she did not know how to change a light bulb, she kept moving from room to room until she ended up in the only room with light. Luckily, her brother came back from his trip just in time! We all had a good laugh over that one. Why didn’t she at least get someone to change it for her? But she was motivated to learn to change a light bulb, change gas cylinders, and all those other guy-specific domestic chores.

Some of you might argue that with work and/or school, social functions etc that it has become increasingly difficult for women to still perform and excel at those more traditional roles that they are supposed to be naturally good at. Am I now saying that women should be “Super Woman”? Er, yes I am. Look the truth is that men – African men at least – still require a woman to carry out her core function of being a woman that is capable of running and keeping a home; the extras are a very welcome addition to the package. Men are disappointed with women who are clueless in the home; can’t cook, can’t supervise or instruct the helps, can’t raise the children properly, etc. My mother once told me about a family friend who would praise her anytime he came around to our house, saying that our house was always very clean and tidy, as against his . Or didn’t you hear the one about the wife that was appropriated from her husband by her husband’s benefactor all because Chief sampled her cooking upon accepting his protégé’s dinner invitation?

I understand that in a home there are certain domestic chores that are assigned to the man, changing light bulbs, putting on the generator etc, but it wouldn’t hurt for women to learn those roles as well as the normal female defined roles. After all who would want to be stranded at home just because she can’t turn on the generator?

Think of it this way: a woman, who isn’t domestic, is like a man who can’t earn a living! A woman’s looks, charm, intelligence, and money can only take her so far with men; the same way a man’s looks and charm can only take him so far with a woman without any real source of income. The only other probable solution is for either party, i.e. the lazy man or domestically clueless woman to both marry spouses with a hell lot of money! Shikena! Problem solved.

Photo Credit: www.thinkstockphoto.com

203 Comments

  1. rukayat

    March 11, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    ME LIKEY

    • sleekish

      March 11, 2011 at 8:34 pm

      Mr Plenty mouth. when you learn to go to the market, and pound yam, as well as prepare all the meals you love, and do the dishes, cleaning up, and laundry, THEN can you demand a woman to learn something silly such a turning on the generator.
      Either you stick to your ”gender-defined roles”, or you hush and write on something else!!!

    • O

      March 12, 2011 at 12:47 am

      well written!

    • Es Tee

      March 12, 2011 at 1:43 am

      If this was facebook, I’d “like” this comment. Totally concur…
      Why should we have to cook, clean and all that rigmarole as well as do the manly chores in the house??? Ish

    • Enyinna

      March 15, 2011 at 7:25 am

      I concur. His arguments are very obtuse and convoluted.

    • justsayin

      April 12, 2011 at 7:28 pm

      trust me if u had no brodas lyk i did u would noe da importance of being an electrician, plumber,mechanic and carpenter because if u cant nd u get stuck at home alone….na remain u don remain be dat.

    • Sephora

      April 25, 2011 at 2:16 am

      LOL. Nne I agree

    • Doctor Love

      April 8, 2011 at 10:52 pm

      Is that so

  2. tola

    March 11, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    Let me get this straight – you want the woman to

    a) be a domestic goddess (cooking, cleaning taking care of the children etc – which I believe 80% of Nigerian born and raised woman can do and should be able to)

    b) Learn ‘male’ domestic chores as well – changing the gas, fixing car engines and sorting generators.

    c) bring in an income and raise your children?

    So in short you sha don’t want to do anything??? If i am required to cook clean wash pick up after you and the children. Then my friend you better be ready to sort out the generator your DAMN SELF! Are you looking for a slave? shio.

    symptomatic of all the overgrown babies running around Lagos calling themselves men. Nonsense and rubbish. If you want Superwoman you better be Superman, me too I want a man that can cook, clean, change diapers, go to the market and run the household when I’m away. I wouldn’t want him to be ‘stranded’ would I?

    HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

    • Tomi

      March 11, 2011 at 2:40 pm

      Thank you Tola – the voice of reason! We really have a foolish generation of men these days! At least the men in my father’s generation who demanded women to be ‘domesticated’ went out and made some serious money. These ones want liberated woman that would still be a slave.

      Most women I know cannot go away from home on overnight stays (work or holiday) without making external arrangements for someone to look after the children simply because the men can’t do what their wives do day in day out. Work and sustain a home!

      Real shio!!

    • Chacha

      March 11, 2011 at 2:49 pm

      U took the words right out of my mouth Tola…I was practically fuming by the time i got to the end. Like seriously? WTF! Funny thing is u’d find out that this guy isnt the least domesticated himself. Why then didnt the guys take turns in cooking the meals during NYSC? Hisss…smh

    • berry nail polish

      March 11, 2011 at 3:09 pm

      Another post by people who don’t READ! Where did these ur assumptions cme from? Are we reading the same piece???? He says: women who are not domesticized SHOULD BE! And rightly so! Komot jor

    • DIVA

      March 14, 2011 at 12:19 pm

      women who are not domesticated???? are u for real??…since when did putting on generator equal being domesticated…ok…how about this…women just put on generator, change light bulbs then chill….while the men bath,feed the kids, cook , clean and endure the silliness of helps…HISSSSSS…..nonsense…

    • Akinjide OJO

      March 14, 2011 at 2:07 pm

      Finally, someone who can actually read. Don’t know what world the rest of you live in but lets wait till the day your husband is not at home and you need to change a bulb or turn on the generator and you can’t. All T.J is saying is that you should learn these things the same way a lot of men have learned how to cook and clean and change the baby’s diapers should the day come that the woman has to travel and leave him at home by himself. You are not expected to do the man’s job when he is around and perfectly able. Just keep in mind that he may not always be around.

    • Es Tee

      March 17, 2011 at 10:18 pm

      Well excuse me if what is trying to say and what he is actually saying are two different things. The bottom line is that he has pointed out reasons why a woman should be “domesticated” enough to carry out chores that are traditionally for women as well as for men. Yes, we all kinda know that. He didn’t say anything about men learning how to perform roles that are generally attributed to men.
      His last paragraph goes on to insinuate that the man’s main concern is having a source of income. After all, the same way being a woman doesn’t make you a great cook, being a man doesn’t exactly make you proficient at changing tyres or doing other “manly things”. His arguments are lob-sided mehn.
      The tone of this article is that sooo much is expected from the woman; to be able to do the “His and Hers” roles of the house and yet all the guy needs to do is bring home the dough. That might not be the motive of this article but pardon me in saying in that case, he did not convey his opinions articulately enough. Just my 2cents.

    • !!!

      March 11, 2011 at 3:13 pm

      *clicking on my imaginary like button*

    • faith

      March 11, 2011 at 3:28 pm

      the writer is NOT sayng dat women shuld start doin male domestic work added to dia female domestic work….i think wat she is tryin to pass across is….dat dia is no harm wen a moman learns how to do dese male domestic work…cos she can neva tell wen it ll be useful.ALSO personally i think men shuld also learn some female domestic work too cos it also might be useful to dem someday….my friend always complains to me dat her husband is handicap(as in wen it comes to domestic work)….meanin he cant even prepare common tea for himself…she isnt findin it funny atallllll…

    • Weiwei

      March 13, 2011 at 1:08 am

      WELL SAID…thnx4 seein it in a diffrnt light!

    • notmadblackwoman

      March 13, 2011 at 7:17 pm

      I agree to being’Domesticed’ to some extent – changing light bulbs, switching on the gen and inverters etc. Remember when I had a flat at church the other day – the guys in my department were nice enought to help. I really thought I was learning watching them change it only to have another flat about 3 weeks after and I couldn’t do a thing about it other than leave the car parked at home, taking a taxi to and fro work till a family friend who’d come to say hello helped me! Now, that’s not cool. I felt completely useless and dependent at that point! At least be ‘domesticed’ enough to save your life…lol.
      God help us.

    • ANJAY

      March 11, 2011 at 4:31 pm

      OMG!!!! Thank you so much Tola. We just have a bunch of lazy ass men who want what they cant give. And to crown it all they still want the women to help out in finances!!
      HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

    • Ib

      March 11, 2011 at 4:33 pm

      Tola abeg tell them.mschew,the more i read this article the angrier i got..i wonder why i even bothered…mschew…imagine the gall. u have really irked me with this article…ok,when your “domesticated” woman is changing the bulbs,turning on the gen,u be in the kitchen cutting onions, making dinner…Super man

    • Ebby

      March 11, 2011 at 8:05 pm

      …and wat if u are a single mother living on ur own huh Tola? Did u think about dat?

    • zaquisha

      March 13, 2011 at 12:04 am

      loool…na curse??? comments on this article are damn hilarious mehn….

    • Me girl

      March 11, 2011 at 8:51 pm

      So so on point girlie…. Days past, women had listed duty, but now, we have to do everything. And cap it up with bringing in he bucks. Maybe, the men should be domesticated now for a change. I’d like to see that happen.

    • iJuscant

      March 11, 2011 at 9:05 pm

      If the husband passes away, these skills become very useful. Women should sha chill, have you noticed men are becoming more domesticated now. They work, cook (better than some women), clean, do laundry, handle all the manly duties, some single fathers also tend to their children. You have to learn these skills because you never know where you might end up.

    • Demo Girl

      May 10, 2011 at 7:11 pm

      Which planet do you spend most of your time? Which men can cook better than women? Which men are learning to be domesticated. Naija men are a punch of handicap invalid pieces of soccer watching, beer drinking, bring friends home to add to the burden of their wives entertaining the equally lazy bunch of womanizing lunatics who can’t even lift up a piece of meat from the floor where they dropped it. Don’t get me started. Do I blame them? I blame their unempowered moms who thought they were doing them a favour by not getting them to do anything in the house. The girls served the boys. The pompous overgrown babies played football, came home to eat and slap their sisters if they felt like. These cavemen are not the ones roaming the streets seeking for whom to devour.

    • HAHAHA

      March 11, 2011 at 10:53 pm

      Truly anybody wey no hear wetin u talk no get upstairs and I don already dey see dem plenty for here… More palm oil to your elbow my sister. Na so so naija men wan turn women to rubbish all in the name of ‘head of the home’. Thunda faya una &&&&& !

      Abegi dis TJ guy don dey fall my hand with all the yama yama e dey dump for here. Abeg Bella, I take God beg you, comot am from this site. Im blood too dey hot.

    • Miss Face

      March 11, 2011 at 11:33 pm

      You have said it all my friend, what more do i have to add? Errrrrrrrr………Okay, all u have mentioned + 9 months of carrying his baby. Other than that, Here is ur score: 10/10 Shikena!

    • Bee!

      March 12, 2011 at 9:23 am

      You’re so on point, totally concur……

    • simi

      March 12, 2011 at 5:10 pm

      i concur

    • Zizi

      March 12, 2011 at 8:18 pm

      I saw the article differently. I agree with him in the sense that women need to be well-rounded. I’m a woman. I don’t object to learning how to turn on the generator properly. Your husband is not going to be around 24/7 so women need to be able to do these chores when their husbands aren’t around. I don’t live in Nigeria so I don’t know how to turn on a generator but if/when I eventually do, I’ll learn how to power that baby up because I love my electricity and I’m not going to be waiting for my husband to return from Makurdi when I can just go to the damn thing myself.

      Likewise, I expect a man to be well-rounded. Someone who doesn’t mind cooking, cleaning while I’m away. We need to start thinking about partnership as two people mutually helping each other regardless of gender roles. And I’m not just speaking from my ass. I know men, including my father, and my current ‘squeeze’ who defy gender roles and help around the house when help is needed.

    • my day

      March 14, 2011 at 12:10 pm

      My dear zizi, trust me there’s nothing to switching on a generator. I can do it, change light bulbs, wash cars and all. Believe me, thirty seconds is too much to switch on a generator, and if u spend more than fifty secs changing a bulb, it would most probably be because what u have to change is not within easy reach (which a short man would have problem reaching too, so it’s not about gender this time, but height). The writer talks about domesticity…what a laugh? Seriously who needs to be more domesticated between the man who cannot boil water to make his own tea, and the woman is clueless about putting on a gen? Worse comes to worse, woman go light candle, still make eba chop full belle!! But the man after putting on the gen what next? Will he go to bed staring at the well-lit room and be full of smiles when his tummy is raging from hunger he could not quench because of his ineptitude in the kitchen? ABEGI!!!

    • ij

      March 13, 2011 at 7:27 am

      noooooooooooo this ur list is not complete, u forgot to write that she most certainly has to be sex freak just so she is perfect, u know only a perfect wife will do for men of these days

    • tobi

      March 13, 2011 at 7:23 pm

      Tola,you took the words out of my mouth and put them much better dan I Wud have!! These days a guy wd tel u “oh I cannot rly cook, only make small stew or rice””I just eat out mostly” and even wen u taste their cookin,ud probably puke! I can change light bulbs and all dat stuff o! But pls wen dd dat become part of d requirements for a wife?! Lazy -!! (Excuse my french)

    • Purpleicious Babe

      March 14, 2011 at 9:30 am

      love it…. excatly

    • pxa

      March 20, 2011 at 8:38 pm

      Thanks Tola, you took the thoughts from me. These superwomen raise the so-called kids in Nigeria while the fathers run around some ‘business’ or the other. The women teach the kids to ‘women must be this…’ men must be this…’, and the cycle continues. Absolute BS but the reality of the mess that is Nigeria unfortunately. Good luck y’all

    • Gracy

      June 1, 2011 at 1:24 pm

      loooooooooooooooool, haba tola take it easy oh, cant stop laufing, but its true though that men nowadays want the women to be super without being super themselves, but i think what the author is trying to suggest is that we ‘know’ how to do this things, note, “know”,. not necessarily do them, so tola dearie, abeg no vex uh year, lol

  3. cathy

    March 11, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    This writeup is very funny and at the same time a food fot thought. it made me remeber went i went home december, my dad was sick so my younger brother was with him so i had to put on the gen set, i did on the first day but couldn’t on the second but when mmy brother came i told him to take me through the steps again. honestly as women of today’s generation, to keep your home u must really to do much more than be a “trophy wife”.

  4. Kay

    March 11, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    @ tola, word!

  5. hotmama

    March 11, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    Ladies you been served. These are simple tips that could save ur lives

  6. Lola

    March 11, 2011 at 2:34 pm

    @Tola, he’s not saying the men wont do anything. What I deduce from this, is that we should also be able to do some manly things. He didnt even put changing a flat tire, but imagine you being on the third mainland bridge at about 6pm with a flat tire, wont you change it or at least try. a lot of chicks dont know how to change tyres, but believe me, its good to learn. Its for our own good.

    • MissT.

      March 11, 2011 at 5:07 pm

      Lola, I’m sure a lot of girls can do these things if they HAVE to. If there was no one to help, they’ll figure it out. It’s not rocket science! I can change my own tires if need be but on 3rd mainland bridge? HECK NO!!! Lock that car up and find a tow truck! Now if I was home alone on a Sat morning with no where terribly important to be and discovered a flat? Yes, I’ll probably have a go at it. Or better yet, call the vuganizer down the road!

    • Babydee

      March 11, 2011 at 6:47 pm

      A lot of men can’t change light bulbs or tires. I know this because i married one!

    • Ebby

      March 11, 2011 at 8:17 pm

      Geez ppl stop calling dese chores manly?! As a single girl back in London I painted my flat partly to save money and partly cos I was brought up by a woman dat Thoth me dat a woman shod know how to take care of herself in every way! Wen I moved back to join my husband I remember one day he was out and the light went off, he rushed home cos he corny imagine his handed babe alone in darkness but I had d gen on already! He asked how I did it and I just told him how I used to watch him do it? Maybe I’m a bit more liberated in reasoning cos I’d lived d better part of my teen/adulthood in d UK but babes it wouldn’t hurt to learn dese things! Cld save ur life u know?

    • @Ebby

      March 12, 2011 at 3:21 am

      biko living in the UK you for try learn betta English.

    • Ready

      March 12, 2011 at 12:26 pm

      Haha…whoever @ Ebby is, that was hilarious. People try to blind us either…I don’t know if they just can’t spell or they think writing in symbols and mindless shorthand is cool.

  7. Tiki

    March 11, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    LOL, Hilarious, TJ! nice one. I totally agree with you though…while as a lady I’d love to have a man around to do everything I need him to do, sometimes it just won’t work that way. I love being independent, but also love a challenge, hence I learned early to change a light bulb, switch on a gen, and even wash a car, change a flat tire and check oil and such. I felt soooo vindicated when my boyfriend told me he liked the view from below when I was changing the bulb…aaah…
    Anyway, I digress – suffice to say that in as much as we women expect and even deserve to have a man do the heavy lifting and tiresome jobs around the house, I daresay it feels even better knowing that you can do those things yourself…and it helps his peace of mind when he’s away too. If that doesn’t convince the ladies, think of this; you already have a fab job, look good, talk good, if you cook good and are handy around the house, he’ll think twice before behaving like a donkey’s behind!
    My two cents just became fifty cents, but, oh well….

    • emi

      March 26, 2011 at 5:02 pm

      nahhh!!!! babe you’ve got that wrong. Unless he’s got the fear of God, he won’t

  8. hardaytutu

    March 11, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    abegi!! after all the home making, u have to do extra coaching just to satisfy whoever…pls it takes two run the race pls who go be jack of all trade

  9. Jenny

    March 11, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    Good point Tola.
    Thank you Bella Naija for giving one of the “overgrown babies” an outlet to share his sexist, myopic and unrealistic ideas.
    How can a woman just be beautiful, fashionable, well spoken, amiable, awesome in bed, a great cook and a good mother? Totally unacceptable. Very unimpressive. She must add her award winning light-bulb-changing, gas-cylinder-spinning and generator-starting-skills to her Martha Stewart-esque résumé. Superhero abilities would be pretty cool too. I’m thinking Wonder Woman or Batgirl. Yes, that’s more like it.
    Come on TJ, tie your apron, pick up a frying pan and start tossing those pancakes. Let’s put your gender reversal experiment to the test.

    • Ola

      March 11, 2011 at 6:11 pm

      OMG…. LWKMD!!!!!!!

      On a serious note, the writer of this article seems extremely misguided since his point seems to be that a woman’s worth lies in her “domesticity”.
      Please reduce the size of your ego. Has it even occurred to you that your sister made a mistake??? She probably thought that since generators make noises all the time, that this was just one of the sounds it should make. If your mum thought there was something terribly wrong, wouldnt she have called you ? Of course she would have but she thought the same thing as your sister and thought there was nothing wrong. So your statement of having a post grad degree is actually quite dense. It was an error anyone could have made regardless of whether they have been to school or not. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with her “domesticity”. Also, if she had replied , being the person that you seem to be, you would probably have told her off for “arguing” when she’s just trying to explain herself. When you started off with the example of the girl who didn’t know how to cook, I saw a flaw in your argument. You said that the “girls” were told to take turns to cook. Why didn’t the boys cook?
      You want to switch up the gender roles by making sure that the women know how to do all the things a man shoud do, fine. But then you give an example of how you all decided to contribute towards making the food and guess what… only the women were told that they should cook. So you want to add more to what a woman has to do, but keep the guys sat down watching tv? Doesn’t make sense.

    • shade

      March 12, 2011 at 10:16 pm

      Thank you..

    • beezy

      March 11, 2011 at 7:24 pm

      @Jenny………. Gosh I owe you a hug! a drink! a big fat pucker…..
      You said it soooo well…. Hi5 baybee….

    • tobi

      March 13, 2011 at 7:43 pm

      You are killing me!!! Lmao!

    • DIVA

      March 15, 2011 at 11:38 am

      women who are not domesticated???? are u for real??…since when did putting on generator equal being domesticated…ok…how about this…women just put on generator, change light bulbs then chill….while the men bath,feed the kids, cook , clean and endure the silliness of helps…HISSSSSS…..nonsense…

      lol Jenny…well said!!

  10. originalgbegborun

    March 11, 2011 at 3:18 pm

    This is such an ill-informed and misogynistic article. Who “assigns” tasks? Who saya putting on generator is a man’s job and cooking is a womans job?
    My boyfriend is crap at DIY but amazing at cooking. Sooooo……..????

    In essence, you are tying a woman’s worth to how “domesticated” she is? Esp with the story about your corper friend. That is such a ridiculous analogy. Women or Men, people are people and should not be judged as “bonz or not bonz” based on what society expects from them.
    I wouldn’t respect a man that earns £50,000 more than one that earns £10,000. Its all about the persons character.

    B*llocks! Very dissapionted that this is being shared on bellanaija where its usually very positive regarding women.

  11. Gbelogbebo

    March 11, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    well said…we should be able to do these things so we can help ourselves when the need arise.In the same vein, a man should learn to do the SAME THING his wife does so when the need arises he would know what to do!SHIKENA!

    • Ebby

      March 11, 2011 at 8:25 pm

      Now u r talking @Gbelogbebo! As women we shldnt shy away from learning d “manly” stuff just as d guys vise versa! My hubby had to learn how to make his eba wen I was preggers in London!

  12. Hawt Nerd

    March 11, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    Good write-up. I am married and although I was an only child for years at home and learnt to do most of these things…..my people I would rather leave things bad until oga comes back than do it myself. See, I tried bringing down a box one day and voila the next day he expected me to do the same again. From that day, I started forming Kim kardashian ooo. When I gisted my mum, she laffed so hard and said even my Dad is like that.
    My policy is learn all you can so when you are alone with the kids, u will not suffer unduly but once Oga is around….haaaaaa!!!!! My people if the gen needs servicing, use that time to go get a pedicure sef. Ehen many of you will probably stone me..trust me I speak from experience oo….

    • iJuscant

      March 11, 2011 at 9:10 pm

      You are a wise one. Know how to do these things for when the need arises. That is what this article is saying. People want to jump on women’s rights crap all the time. Women ma sef, calm day and assess things from all angles before hopping on emotion filled rants. As for me, I am able to take care of and handle my business. When I get married, my husband will handle these things. If he is no longer around, I know I will be alright. I learnt this from my mother.

    • emotion filled rants?

      March 12, 2011 at 3:25 am

      did you not read the bit about his nysc house deciding the women should be the ones doing the cooking? this is obviously a man who believes women should be able to do things he does, but not vice-versa.

    • Kemchi

      March 12, 2011 at 4:37 am

      Ah, Hawt Nerd dis na tru talk, you have opened my eyes o! From this day forward I refuse to be superwoman. When he’s around I shall consequently begin to form Kim Kardashian o. Who no like better thing 🙂

    • Ngozi

      March 15, 2011 at 12:02 pm

      Gbam!!! Once u start to form Super woman, u go “super” til the end!

    • Demo Girl

      May 10, 2011 at 7:25 pm

      Yep, that’s my policy. I don’t do stuff that strain me no matter what. I don’t open tins with the tin cutter. I don’t pound yam. I don’t chop up meat with any form of bone – I mean fish and chicken inclusive. I can do that stuff but I don’t. Why? Tough stuff are for men. So, if there’s no man around, the stuff stays undone. When I buy fish, the men chop all up for freezing. Chicken, same thing. They kill the chicken if it’s live, if it’s frozen they chop it up for freezing. Pounded yam is eaten in my house when there’s a man around to pound it. I make the soup and everybody’s happy. Guess what? Pounded yam is not requested often in my house. Meanwhile, I know a man who eats freshly pounded (I am talking 10 minutes ago) yam with fresh vegetable soap every night when he comes home. And he’s some womanizing, beer palour crawling guy who comes home as late at 12 midnight. The wife is supposed to get up anytime he comes back and start pounding his yam for him. How insensitive! How wicked! Then she’s expected to be a sex goddess too thereafter. Some women … I guess it’s what she started to “make him happy”. Now, it’s a yoke tied around her neck.

  13. !!!

    March 11, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    TBH, i’m not saying TJ isn’t making some valid points but such points have to be balanced against the need for men to be supermen as well. Very little is been said or done to make sure that men of nowadays are modern day men, who bring money home and are also domesticated. All the focus seems to be on producing superwomen and in that sense, the role of the man or husband is becoming very redundant. I mean if a superwoman can do it all why does she need a man?!

  14. Kathryn Cage

    March 11, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    Let’s say we learn to do it all, be a wife, a mother, a cook, a homekeeper, the laundry man, electrician and even gateman, it is to our credit BUT! TJ please write an article on the laziness that has become today’s man, there is a high increase in the number of guys who’ll fold their hands for their wives and even girlfriends to be all of these and still put food on the table, agghh, disgusting! Our men are becoming lazy, they can’t make money, they are looking for sugar mummies and super big babes. To still look for a woman with all these attributes and still let her make all the money to me smacks of selfishness. men are selfish!!!

  15. Tiki

    March 11, 2011 at 3:23 pm

    Ooooh, TJ upset Tola! Gurlfriend, I totally get where you coming from, when it may sound like a guy just wants to sit on his behind and watch you do all the work. However, I have yet to meet a guy who wasn’t proud of the fact that his woman could do all the stuff other women couldn’t. Besides, even if you can’t do manly chores, you should be able to do womanly ones right, like cook and clean and wash clothes and take care of kids and run a home etc etc! I think TJ’s real problem is with women who can’t do either, but sit around looking beautiful all day…so ladies if u can’t change a tyre, no problem! Have a good meal ready for him when he’s done changing it…not KFC!

    • Claire Negbenebor

      March 12, 2011 at 7:32 pm

      I totally get where you’re coming from. My fiance of 1 yr and i recently split and one of the excuses he gave me for leaving is “claire, u’re too independent”. Lemme tell u about myself. I cook a mean meal, i clean, i turn on the gen and can even successfully troubleshoot if it doesn’t come on, i change light bulbs…the whole 9. U would think any man would be happy with these but he left and gave all this as one of his reasons. Although at this point, we can all agree that he just needed excuses for his exit. All i’m tryna say is whether or not u are Superwoman or not, only God know, which one dey pay. Shikena

    • meee

      March 13, 2011 at 7:58 pm

      well said, sweetheart !

    • Bushman

      May 9, 2011 at 10:22 pm

      Err…Claire…can I have your number

  16. Gbelogbebo

    March 11, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    I also think some of you refused to see the point of this article.This is not about gender roles or gender bias.It is about you knowing these things so you CAN HELP YOURSELVES. It really is for your own good.The same way a guy should learn how to do things in the house so he can help himself. When i was i Naija,i knew how to turn on the gen, change gas cylinder, change the oil of my car, my tires, wash my car,…if i had to wait for one man to come and do it i would be on a long thing… It really is for every one’s good to know how to do what the other gender does.

    • Ola

      March 12, 2011 at 12:55 pm

      That wasn’t his point. Were you reading the part where he asked all women to become SUPERWOMAN because that is what men of nowadays supposedly want? On the other hand, he referred to men as just “men”. Meaning that basically women have to over- compensate for being women , but men should just be men. In other words , we have to do everything and more to even be considered worthy of any attention. But men are fantastic the way they are just by virtue of being men? What is that if not outright illiteracy?

  17. originalgbegborun

    March 11, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    Aaaaand….if your reasoning of “male and female jobs” hold true and you expect women to learn to do some “male” jobs. Ask how many men you know have learnt to take on “female jobs”.
    How many men do you know that make the effort to learn to cook a meal for the family, learn to plait thier daughters hair and clean the bathroom PROPERLY?

    Pshewwww. So upset at this article, just so friggin backwards. No matter what we do as Nigerian women, Men constatly feel the need to tell us what they expect of us.

    How about Nigerian men started taking responsibility for the way they are instead of coming out, bold as brass on the internet to spew lines such as……..

    “Am I now saying that women should be “Super Woman”? Er, yes I am. Look the truth is that men – African men at least – still require a woman to carry out her core function of being a woman that is capable of running and keeping a home”

    I need to find you and give you a proper talking to. This is such an absurd article to be written and published publicly in 2011. B******ks

  18. Moji Owoeye

    March 11, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    @ Tola: If am stuck on thridmainland with a flat tire, he had beter call AA rescue or come change d tyres himself.
    @ TJ, u do av a point sayn its handy that females shld know how to do some male chores, but truth be told, a percentage of guys once they know you can do it wld expect u to keep doing it and they end up just laying about.
    My point is, its ok for ladies to learn some of these chores as long as he teaches her while she also teach him some of her chores and of course there are days she’lld want to wake up late.He’lld have to understand her and get the children ready for school.
    If he would do that, then i’lld do manly chores too when i have to.

    My point: its not just ladies that need to learn, Guys also need to learn female chores too.

  19. partyrider

    March 11, 2011 at 3:38 pm

    am a chick and i agree with you.thanks to being the only gal in a house filled with boys or men i have learnt to do all the manly work.from putting fuel and engine oil in the gen and putting on the gen,to changing bulbs,washing cars,changing the gas cylinder..d only thing i havent done is to change tire,thank God i have never had a flat tire 🙂
    the first time i learnt to put on the gen,i was home alone so b4 d guys left they put me through…
    the truth is,in the long run its a huge plus for you as a woman if you can do all those things.it really wont hurt to learn ..its not like its everyday u will put on the gen or everyday you will have to change the gas cylinder or bulbs.its a PLUS..
    that been said,mumc(and me too) does not believe in the fact that u are a man and all u should do is to eat and drink..when shes alone with the boys,they take turns in the kitchen,she also assists so they dont burn down her house.infact they go to the market to buy food stuffs..
    in a nut shell, i feel there should be a balance.if the woman can do all those stuffs,you should also be ready and willing to assist, at least you can look after the kids.but dont just balance and form chairman with ur lazy self
    #okbye

  20. Jenny

    March 11, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    @ Tiki: “If that doesn’t convince the ladies, think of this; you already have a fab job, look good, talk good, if you cook good and are handy around the house, he’ll think twice before behaving like a donkey’s behind!”

    A man who wants to act like a “donkey’s behind” will do so whether or not you are a successful career woman, an amazing cook, an eloquent speaker or a devoted handy woman. Please don’t let anyone fool you.

  21. originalgbegborun

    March 11, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    this is ridiculous. i can”t believe how angry this makes me. Especially as so many women are agreeing with this tripe. Effing ridiculous

  22. Neel

    March 11, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    Complete rubbish! Some African men are deluded! This article pissed me off, this is 2011 if you don’t like it crawl under a rock! Women are expected to be career women, mothers, wives, homemakers and now mechanics? Men nko?

  23. Mariaah

    March 11, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    See this T.J guy oo!! Another Woman-bashing article.. Mscheww..
    Anyway, I have been changing bulbs since I was 10 even built a table-lamp holder at 12 (Hi5 to my intro-tech teacher that let me do it even tho my intial randomly pickd project was T-Square and I did both). I am a super-woman, that’s me I am interested in stuff like that but why make it sound as if every woman should know all these things. Most men can not even boil water, I used to know this guy that lived in a friend’s compound that burns boiling water. Yes, dude can’t boil water. He puts d kettle on and forgets until it dries off. Any attempt to cook anything fails!! He tried cooking beans once before work only to forget that he left the stove on with the beans and went to work, we came back frm lectures to find smoke thk God we had his key which he gave us “just incase”. We have his house key to always check whenever he lives home 4 work or we come home nd d entire place is smoky lol :). Me and my friends (his neighbours) begs him not to cook out of fear we would rather help him cook than let him do it himself.
    I also know this 28 yr old guy right now that refrains from simple techy stuff, I connect the TV and Xbox wire for him. When he got his flat screen, my boyfriend and I helped fix unpack d stuff and its annoying sometimes but yeah we can’t all be super so Mr Okaro, quit the bashing!! The day a man can do all you listed above, baby stuff, then women will do the same.

  24. What an overgrown baby!

    March 11, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    His “corper” analogy illustrates his feeble point. BOTH sexes contributed money for food but only the girls were awarded the privilege of cooking it. As Tomi said, in our fathers days men were prepared to uphold their end of the bargain and bring home the bacon. Todays specimens are expecting women to bring it home and cook it while wearing a frilly apron and sliding down a stripper~pole in 6inch louboutins.
    Not only generator, let me help you wash your car.
    Nonsense!

    • DIVA

      March 15, 2011 at 11:47 am

      women who are not domesticated???? are u for real??…since when did putting on generator equal being domesticated…ok…how about this…women just put on generator, change light bulbs then chill….while the men bath,feed the kids, cook , clean and endure the silliness of helps…HISSSSSS…..nonsense…

      thankyou sis!!! why dint the guys bring the money then the ladies cook..then we’ll accept that the pretty gal shud ve cooked thereby contributing her own quota..since she contributed money..pls, let her money speak for her!!..HISS!!

  25. nomad

    March 11, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    I’m sorry, this was just badly written and highly irritating to read. One sentence slamming your sister about not being able to turn on the generator properly (any piece of machinery requires learning how to use it MAN OR WOMAN) and the other is slamming some woman about not being able to cook. I don’t see how they are complimentary skills. I see your point about women learning to be independent and learning basic DIY skills without depending on a man to do it but i find it incredibly condescending and sexist to imply that women should learn those skills only to be indispensable to men in the home

    I was hoping the new generation of Nigerian men were more cosmopolitan and educated enough to look for women who could be partners in every way. But you seem to want to perpetuate the whole shite about women going to work and coming back to the home to be cooks, cleaners, childminders and now mechanics and plumbers. HABA!

    *dating a guy who even after coming back from work (and me balancing on the sofa ALL DAY!), planned and cooked a feast for dinner, just because he enjoyed cooking and testing new recipes. I was the one who felt guilty and offered to cook and was rebuffed. I went to unclog the bathroom drain instead

    • Sia

      March 11, 2011 at 10:06 pm

      Unfortunately many Nigerian men are still foolish and lazy. I blame Nigerian parents for not treating their children equally. Why would your daughter stay at home everytime while your son runs around town with his friends in his father’s car? He can come home at 10pm but your daughter comes in at 6pm. I also blame Nigerian women for not standing up for themselves.

    • shade

      March 12, 2011 at 10:21 pm

      You don talk am well!!

  26. toluwalase

    March 11, 2011 at 4:20 pm

    I totally agree with the author of this article. As far as I’m concerned, there is nothing like a man’s job or a woman’s job especially in a marriage because marriage is a partnership. I don’t see why a fully grown woman cannot take care of basic things like changing the light bulb. you must be really dumb if you can’t Things have changed and you can’t always wait for the man to come home to do it for you. use your initiative and do it yourself. sorry to say but women back home in Nigeria are very lazy compared to those that live in the western world because women in the US for instance have to learn to do certain things by themselves because it is an “on your own country.”

    what about when the husband is not there to do it for you, you’ll look for another husband. Please learn some independence and respect and there’ll be a big difference. Men don’t like women who are clueless. anyone can be good in bed, the kitchen and clean the house and also be an excellent career woman but its not all about that. the Proverbs 31 woman was an all rounder and I mean all rounder.

    i’m a woman and it’s time for other women to get up from their fat behinds and making themselves useful and stop complaining.

    • superflycookaholic

      March 12, 2011 at 11:52 am

      I think the article itself is less offensive than the silly comments made by the so called domesticated women. I’m a woman…a mad ass cook and take care of my home like its going to be in a photo shoot. And I can also change a plug, ☑, engine oil and put on the bloody gen. I don’t mind knowing how to do these things because quite frankly they aren’t rocket science. That being said,who died and made us slaves????? What’s mr mans contribution to alla this? Watching match making a mess with pringles on the sofa???? Abeg! It takes two! On the whole women are infinitely more productive so if its only the light bulb u can change as a man,shut up and change it! When u can assist with shopping,cooking,cleaning and rearing ehen then u’ve got a vote. Toluwalase’s post was asinine!!! Men make us feel that we’re constantly striving to meet their exacting standards and we keep falling for it! Ehen!!! The nysc story is so daft! Was the girl a wife or a maid? Was she being paid as a caterer oh housekeeper??? Please jo! When she’s running her  she’ll do all that ish jare. If not she’ll pay for it.

  27. Myne Whitman

    March 11, 2011 at 4:31 pm

    As the snarky would say, double standards and assumptions much eh TJ? Add a dash of generalizations too. Pschewww….

    So TJ, who did the cooking the whole time they were there? Mom or sis right? The first sentence of that last paragraph made me want to choke you with that your earning a living tie. Please get to the 21’st century OK? And bring all those your cavemen friends along…

  28. Ms. Sassy eyes

    March 11, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    I will do almost anything but change light bulb? Never.

  29. Natural Nigerian

    March 11, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    My brothers and my dad are very much DIY and I learnt a lot from them growing up. I can start a generator, change bulbs, change the head of a plug, trouble shoot when my car is having minor troubles, take my time to read manuals for my electronics and much more…Of course all these “skills” of mine disappear when a man is on the scene. It is never planned, it just happens.

    I think that it is important to be able to survive in today’s world. Less women will get married these days than they did in the 70s. No be curse, it is a fact of life. You don’t want to have to go knocking on Iya Risi’s door to borrow her husband to tinker around in your apartment. You need to gain the skills to manage at least the basic minimum on your own. It doesn’t make you a mumu, it just makes you smart.

    Naturally, if you are Iya Risi then Baba Risi will be expected to do those jobs.

  30. fashionaddict

    March 11, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    been with two guys who cannot do jack in the kitchen, cannot make basic indomie sef, hiss, i had to end up being a wife in a girlfriends place, cook, clean, all, mscheeew, never again, and it didnt pay oh, idiots still went ahead to cheat and break my heart, twice now, no sir, i ma noones help, am so sorry, cook ur own meals, clean ur house, wen we are married we shall share d responsibilities too, once beaten twice shy, twice beaten, eye don clear SHIKENA

    • one naira

      March 11, 2011 at 6:37 pm

      THANK U MY DEAR…

    • iJuscant

      March 11, 2011 at 9:13 pm

      “once beaten twice shy, twice beaten, eye don clear ”

      Please consider this stolen from you. Lol, I am dying of laughter.

  31. MissT.

    March 11, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    @ Tola, I agree with you jare.

    I don’t know when running the generator became requirements for “domestication”. The sister should have known better but at the same time EVERYONE in a household who is old enough should know how to work the generator for safety reasons. Sounds to me like she was just too lazy to check it out.

    So when the wife does the cooking, cleaning, taking care of you and the kids (all with juggling work) you also expect her to handling the generator, the plumbing issues, the dead car battery and God know what else. So may I ask what exactly you would be doing? Chilling on the couch watching the match abi? Let me tell you now, better go to the village to find your wife. And trust me, after a few year, even that village woman will “open eyes”.

    FYI TJ, “Domestication” is quite offensive. Women are not wild animals to be tamed. These things come naturally, pull your weight around the house and she will too.

  32. BN Fan

    March 11, 2011 at 4:59 pm

    I understand what the writer is saying but the problem with this article is that it is directed to women only. It is important for both parties to learn to take roles that have been traditionally male or female. Take for example, the guy should learn to cook or learn to clean the house or babysit so when wifey is not available on a business trip or tired, he can be helpful and vice versa when it comes to the wife taking on some manly roles.

  33. ugochi anyaka

    March 11, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    i very well understand what she means. You really can’t wait for the man to come change your bulb when he isn’t around. I have lived with ma younger sister for 2years and traveled for 3 days and guess what, she called to ask “where do you buy gas? how do i disconnect the pipe ” and i came back to see she bought 2 bulbs with the pin head instead of screw. She had never changed it so had no clue to what kind of bulb we use. I do all the fixing and repairs. She cooks and cleans though. And trustfully also ,we have loads of lazy men strolling the earth. Can’t do nothing.

  34. oh well

    March 11, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    Fellow ladies, life ain’t fair…Truth be told, if the Woman won’t run the home as expected, the Man will find someone who will.

    • nonna

      March 11, 2011 at 7:42 pm

      you sound like the woman who justifies going after other people’s men or women who support men who cheat with excuses.

      nonsense.

      it is amazing how many people on here don’t realise that your worth as a woman has nothing to do with what you can do – cook, clean, change bulbs, become a doctor, save the world, and raise children.

      Women are valuable just because they are. not because some MAN expects her to cook, clean, and do everything.

      As I read more articles like this, I lose respect for African men (Lord knows they don’t do anything. After all, women are breadwinners too) and the idot women who support them.

      Kai!!!
      We should submit a post on the nonsense of African men

  35. Ms M

    March 11, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    Dear Mr TJ O’Karo (next time write your full name so I can hunt you down),

    If I understood the thrust of your article; you think women should be like the belles of your camp (domestic, idiotic and nice to look at) but still be able to perfom manly duties ( e.g climb NEPA poles to reconnect the “light”), have post graduate degrees but be quiet when spoken to because no one wants to hear her stupid opinion (your sister should have punched you in the face!). Am I right so far?

    Here’s the thing tho…I really don’t like the changes you’ve made to your own “gender role”. You give crap instructions (you need a post graduate degree), can’t pay your bills (yes indeed…the guard really travelled), have no domestic skills and buys fake bulbs (you and your friends need post graduate degrees).

  36. eno

    March 11, 2011 at 5:27 pm

    Comon, i do understand what TJ is saying. Before my younger bro got admission into the university he used to do all the manly chores, Gen, change power fuse, change bulbs etc, and i never bothered to learn all i had to do was shout and everything would be sorted. Until one day he wasnt in Lagos and my mom travelled, and for some reason our flat didnt ave light and i cudnt understand y< least to say i stayed in darkeness for 3 days. after dat i learnt my lessons, i change bulbs, put on the gen, infact if the gen starts malfunctioning i know whats wrong with it before i call the technician. same with my car, after being cheated left right and center i knw the major parts and possible faults. BUT NOTE WHEN there is a ma around, cousin, boyfriend, brother, friend, my damsel in distress swag is back ON, d whole essence is to have basic knowledge of dese things just incase ur stranded.
    Although i draw d line @ changing tyres, abeg i will cry and call every male i know.

  37. eno

    March 11, 2011 at 5:28 pm

    *a man

  38. Ebony

    March 11, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    Pls ladies also have d plumber, electrician,carpenter and off course the mechanic phone numbers. they really come handy.

  39. Sugabelly

    March 11, 2011 at 6:18 pm

    And for your information! There is no such thing as MALE work and FEMALE work. When human beings are born they are not handed a list of their appointed work. Your ideas about what women “should” be doing and what men “should” be doing are nothing but the result of defective group mental programming.

    I can’t believe this crock of rubbish was published.

    • shade

      March 12, 2011 at 10:26 pm

      Bless you Sugabelly!!

      And that is all.

  40. Lepa

    March 11, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    Tola, pls cool down b4 i start thinking this article describes you….
    Tiki, thumbs up for your comment…

    Its looking like by their comments we shall know them..he he he

  41. Jess

    March 11, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    Who says cooking is a woman’s job or switching on the generator is a mans job? You’re so lucky you had nice girls willing to cook for you guys at your camp. Why couldn’t the task of cooking be equally distributed among the girls and guys? I agree that there are some basic things everyone should be able to do regardless of gender. Your making it gender related made this post invalid tbh.

  42. Babydee

    March 11, 2011 at 7:13 pm

    You know what, there are some very useless men out there. Case in point my ex-husband. I was the mom, driver (yes, if we had to go out together he insisted i drive cos he was tired, yes i was working everyday as well), house help (i was eventually allowed to hire one as long as i was the one paying her salary), cleaner, washing machine, cook, counselor, punching bag, emotional dump ground etc
    With all of this, i went to have my baby in the U.S where my family was and went back to 9ja 3 months later. I got back home, the generator was not working, the gate man said he doesn’t remember the last time water came out of the taps, candle had nearly burnt down one bathroom, light bulbs were out in the kitchen, pantry, living room, master bedroom.
    Yup, he’s a man alright! Talk about overgrown baby parading himself as a man.

  43. Rere

    March 11, 2011 at 7:23 pm

    haba.. pple need to slow down.lol I think the beef is largely because a guy wrote the article and not a chica! I mean its not black and white, and both the writer and Tola have made fair points but tbh, most females are capable of doing the so-called ‘manly’ DIY jobs if WE have to and I know a lotta guys that are extremely domestic because they live alone and have to too! For instance, it took my kitchen burning down for me to realize i could de-soothe, redress and re-paint a full standard kitchen by myself! Obviously if the other option was maybe 50quid instead of the £500 professional bill which i could not nearly afford, I never would have known there were atleast 4 types of painting strokes!lol

    • Demo Girl

      May 10, 2011 at 7:29 pm

      Rere, no chick would write this insulting chauvinistic piece of garbage devoid of any meaningful logic. What’s the connection with his master”s degree holding sister and her ability to put on the generation (in a house where she doesn’t live properly). What’s the connection between the value beautiful NYSC sista and her ability to cook for cavemen who themselves can’t cook?

  44. Katie,

    March 11, 2011 at 7:51 pm

    Great work, you r a very good writer, but i do disagree with ur some of ur points. My sister is not domesticated at all and she still has all the good men chasing after her. in this modern day and age, most people are more concerned in division of labor that is if one person cooks, the other person cleans, and so on. It shouldn’t matter if you are unable to cook, clean, and turn on ur source of power, what matters is if you do the right thing at the right time.

  45. Grace

    March 11, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    Tj, you fell my hand o. I get your point but you only addressed the women. You should have made this write-up balanced. im the only girl and i have learnt how to change a bulb, turn on the gen and i even go to buy spare parts for my car myself but GUESS WHAT? I require my brothers to cook, to clean, to wash and iron just like i know “manly” stuff, i have forced them to learn “womanly” stuff.

  46. NNENNE

    March 11, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    I totally agree with the writer.Parents should teach their children well.Boys need to learn how to cook, take care of babies, do the laundry, clean the house, shop ,as well as other traditional men jobs.Girls should learn how to change tires, run the gen.,care for the lawn,paint,etc as well as other traditional women jobs.Life is so full of the unknown.Who knows… As a matter of fact, most parents in the civilized world raise their kids this way.All these limitations as to what a gender should or should not do mostly exit in African and Asian countries.Today’s parents need to make a U turn.

  47. Panadol-Extra

    March 11, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    It is a popular school of thought that Nigerian marriages last because our institution of marriage is premised on core African cultural principles.

    The husband and the wife know their clearly-defined roles. The man is the bread-winner/hunter/gatherer and custodian of the community ideals. The woman is the home-maker/chef/nurse/change-nurse/ incubator and the conduit pipe of moral values.

    Of course, things are changing; Western education, exposure and global culture continually erode traditional roles and notions of the duties of spouses in their marriages. It is not uncommon to see Mama Wale pursue a career in investment banking, while Papa Ihuoma may happily help change the baby’s soiled nappies. Baba Ismaila may even be persuaded to operate and push the baby pram while his wife sorts out the blown electric fuse in the house…….

    Women of all cultures want their men to take charge but where does the margin for balance start or begin? Women are becoming more independent, educated and exposed; they can have careers in previously male dominated professions; the trouser suit was invented to give women a place. The transition from career amazon to domestic goddess is a difficult one for many females.

    As more Nigerian professionals return from graduate/post-graduate study in Great Britain, the US and Canada, you will find that there exists a demography of young female professionals, educated, world-savvy, knowledgeable, opiniated and able to stand on their own two. They may work in finance and investment, are comfortable with handling hot broth and nasty smelling vegetables in the kitchen, and can hold their beers (or cocktail) as well as they can de-feather and gut the carcass of a local chicken.

    Nigeria, by its nature, is a nurturing nation. Children reside with their parents till their mid 30s; everyone has an opinion or input on every other’s person’s lifestyle-choices; parents and relatives still have a role to play in an individual’s life. A lot of females are growing up to find some of our cultures and norms are rather restrictive to the aspirations of a 21st Century independent woman. Is our culture more conducive for the upbringing of an Apeno than a Beyonce?

    ….So are our women becoming more uncontrollable or are men becoming wusses?

    Is it possible for a female brought up in Lagos, who went to pre-school in Abuja, attended college in America, who now sports a weave made in Brazil/Peru, wears fitted couture dresses from England’s high streets, chats on a Blackberry smartphone device made in Finland to marry a Nigerian man and live with African values?

    But it isn’t just the women who are struggling with an identity crisis; men suffer too. Some are struck with Okoronkwoitis. Read Chinua Achebe’s “Things Fall Apart” or watch the TV series; or examine some of Pete Edochie’s characters as an alpha male, over-bearing, father in any of our local Nollywood blockbusters.

    Do men want an Ovularia (Zebrudaya’s wife) in the kitchen, and a Munachi Abi in public?

    I was watching a Nigerian movie recently where a woman and her husband were having a discussion about their son who was refusing to marry a girl the father had nominated for him. The husband, played by actor Amaechi Monuagu was very upset about the matter and implored the woman to “talk to her son.” Some moments later, the woman remembering that it was time for dinner asked Amaechi with affection “My husband, are you ready to eat so I can go and serve your food? He hissed loudly with irritation as he barked “Yes of course, I never told you that I was on a diet!!!”
    …………..http://woahnigeria.wordpress.com/2010/10/15/let-us-play-mama-and-papa/

    • Sugabelly

      March 11, 2011 at 11:26 pm

      There is no such thing as “core African principles”.

      Africa is not one country, nor is it one ethnic group.

    • Madame Sting

      March 12, 2011 at 2:47 pm

      Thank you!

    • Demo Girl

      May 10, 2011 at 7:26 pm

      God bless you my dear!

    • meee

      March 13, 2011 at 8:12 pm

      well said babe…lol at Okoronkwoitis !

  48. Dre

    March 11, 2011 at 8:22 pm

    I think the new generation of Mothers and Fathers should teach their boys how to cook, clean and look after themselves as they would to their daughters with no discrimination whatsoever.. This way they both learn to fend for themselves and appreciate the work they both do. This will save the next generation from being lazy – men and women…it’s not attractive either way!

  49. zazzle

    March 11, 2011 at 8:57 pm

    So you want the woman to have your kids, have a career (bring in income), cook, clean, look cute, be a lady in the streets and freak in the sheets and do the male chores? You’d better go and put on the gen that stop all this nonsense. If women are being superwomen and doing everything then what are the men bringing to the table?

  50. Panadol-Extra

    March 11, 2011 at 9:09 pm

    It is a popular school of thought that Nigerian marriages last because our institution of marriage is premised on core African cultural principles.

    The husband and the wife know their clearly-defined roles. The man is the bread-winner/hunter/gatherer and custodian of the community ideals. The woman is the home-maker/chef/nurse/change-nurse/ incubator and the conduit pipe of moral values.

    Of course, things are changing; Western education, exposure and global culture continually erode traditional roles and notions of the duties of spouses in their marriages. It is not uncommon to see Mama Wale pursue a career in investment banking, while Papa Ihuoma may happily help change the baby’s soiled nappies. Baba Ismaila may even be persuaded to operate and push the baby pram while his wife Hajia Aisha sorts out the blown electric fuse in the house.

    Women of all cultures want their men to take charge but where does the margin for balance start or begin? Women are becoming more independent, educated and exposed; they can have careers in previously male dominated professions; the trouser suit was invented to give women a place. The transition from career amazon to domestic goddess is a difficult one for many females.

    As more Nigerian professionals return from post-graduate study in Great Britain, the US and Canada, you will find that there exists a demography of young female professionals, educated, world-savvy, knowledgeable, opiniated and able to stand on their own two. They may work in finance and investment, but are comfortable with handling hot broth and nasty smelling vegetables in the kitchen, and can hold their beers (or cocktail) as well as they can de-feather and gut the carcass of a local chicken.

    So are our women becoming more uncontrollable or are men becoming wusses?

    Is it possible for a female brought up in Lagos, who went to pre-school in Abuja, attended college in America, and now sports a weave made in Peru, wears fitted couture dresses from England’s high streets, chats on a smartphone device made in Finland to marry a Nigerian man and live with African values?

    But it isn’t just the women who are struggling with an identity crisis; men suffer too. Some are struck with Okoronkwoitis. Read Chinua Achebe’s “Things Fall Apart” or watch the TV series; or examine some of Pete Edochie’s characters as an alpha male, over-bearing, father in any of our local Nollywood blockbusters.

    Do men want an Ovularia (Zebrudaya’s wife) in the kitchen, and a Munachi Abi in public?

    Nigeria, by its nature, is a nurturing nation. Children reside with their parents till their mid 30s; everyone has an opinion or input on every other’s person’s lifestyle-choices; parents and relatives still have a role to play in an individual’s life. A lot of females are growing up to find some of our cultures and norms are rather restrictive to the aspirations of a 21st Century independent woman. Is our culture more conducive for the upbringing of an Apeno than a Beyonce?
    http://woahnigeria.wordpress.com/2010/10/15/let-us-play-mama-and-papa/

  51. Ayodeji

    March 11, 2011 at 9:33 pm

    Nonsense. You really have a nerve. So I should be your maid and your wife abi? hold down a job to contribute my share to the home finances, raise children, cook your meals, climb NEPA poles to fix the light bulbs, change the oil in the cars, fix our flat tires, fix generator, clean bathroom etc while you DO WHAT? Sit on you behind? Mschewwwwwwwwwww. It is of no consequence that I can do ALL of those things. Overgrown babies trying to be like a MAN. It seems to me that you have no idea of SHARED responsibilities in a marriage.

    BellaNaija, please pull down this misogynistic, outdated and sexist article from this site. We understand the principles of freedom of expression and the right to hold an opinion, but this reflects poorly on this site!

    • lucy

      March 12, 2011 at 12:20 am

      Are you serious?? You are suggesting this writer is sexist because he encouraged us as women to become more domesticated and learn to be me productive with our hands.

      If a Man is sitting down on the sofa with his feet stretched whilst you are changing a bulb, then as you clearly said..he is then a boy.

      If this article was based on 5 ways for a women to be successful in their careers, we would have hundreds of positive comments.

      So is the fact that a women is concerned about activities in her home not as adequate??

      Please women do not be fooled, dating is different from being married.

      🙂

    • partyrider

      March 12, 2011 at 4:33 pm

      #gbam

    • Uche

      July 9, 2011 at 10:11 pm

      sincerely, either ways, we should just let this women emancipation issue die… focus on yourself, know what works for you and your spouse and stop trying to create your stereotypical gender… puhlease!!!

  52. neo

    March 11, 2011 at 9:43 pm

    all you ladies just like preaching “equality for women” selectively. Besides, the writer didnt say women should take up the role of men in the house, but to learn a little so they wont be stranded in the house. the only thing i feel he left out is that men should also learn a few female jobs around the house so they also wont be stranded.

  53. meeee

    March 11, 2011 at 10:02 pm

    OMG, can you guys take a second to actually read and understand what he is saying?? He isn’t saying or even implying any of the stuff Tola and the likes above are screaming bloody murder about. Did he say women have to do all that? No. He siad it will helpful for women to know how to do them, in case of in case-sity. Ahn Ahn.

  54. Sia

    March 11, 2011 at 10:10 pm

    “African men at least – still require a woman to carry out her core function of being a wo”man that is capable of running and keeping a home; the extras are a very welcome addition to the package. Men are disappointed with women who are clueless in the home; can’t cook, can’t supervise or instruct the helps, can’t raise the children properly, etc.”

    I cant believe this calibre of men still exist. UGHHH.. Where is my taser? These men need to be tasered the hell out.

  55. bukkieblaze

    March 11, 2011 at 10:11 pm

    I do understand what T.J is saying buh if you are living outside naija,you’ll understand that no woman can do all these.No man would expect me to work six days in a week,take care of the children,cook and you still want me to do other house chores?hell to the no!we practise division of labour in my house,period!

  56. nini

    March 11, 2011 at 10:23 pm

    i dont have a problem with a man wanting me to be all superwomany in the house cooking cleaning raising kids and sexing him all @ the same as if im bree vandercamp of desperate housewives as long as he does his part which is required of him; he must be able to be making hundreds of millions of which he must be spending on me and my kids, treating me like a queen and giving me the best sex ever………. life doesnt have to be that complicated, do ur part and il simply do mine, theres no where in this world that ul be able to eat ur cake and still have it. so men shud better wake up to the reality of what they are asking for after all it expected of them to play their part as much as it is expected of us to do ours. Goodnight.

  57. Aisha

    March 11, 2011 at 10:27 pm

    Really wish i could get back the 5 mins or so i used to read this!

    Quick question for TJ: can u cook, do basic things like boil rice, fry egg, make common stew? Heck, can u boil water?? If u’re left alone in ur house for like a month, can u wash ur bathroom, clean ur room and make the house tidy? If u have kids n ur wife is away can u bathe the kids, feed them and prevent them from being infested by lice and ringworm before ur wife returns??
    If ur answer to these is no, then TJ KINDLY SHUT UR TRAP!!! And keep it shut till u and ur myopic fellow men learn these basic female ‘domestic’ chores and realise that what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. My mother grew up in a polygamous home in the 50’s and 60’s with 15 other siblings and her brothers cook n clean better than some women even, so what stops u, a man of the 21st century??? Surely the part of ur artcle that would’ve given a balanced point of view got lost in transmission, if not I really don’t have time for this. What a weiste!
    P.S if I were ur sister I’d have given u a piece of my mind. Such disrespect!

  58. nini

    March 11, 2011 at 10:31 pm

    infact im already irritated how can men expect women to be superslaves @ the same time independent women??? i mean its not selfish anymore its plain madness @ its finest!!!!!!!!!!!! dont these men have hands to pick up after themselves? how can a grown up man that calls himself wat not be acting like a baby? these are the few reasons why i appreciate England.. u cant try that rubbish here.. nobody has their time *hiss*

  59. Changing Faces

    March 12, 2011 at 12:22 am

    And who says men don’t cheat on superwomen? As for d ‘experienced married women’ here running their mouths on using their superwomen abilities to keep their husbands, keep deceiving yourselves! You can keep answering mrs, while he keeps the ‘undomesticated temptress’ outside… Pschewwww. He either loves you or he doesn’t, being a superwoman has nothing to do with it!

    • Sia

      March 12, 2011 at 8:55 am

      Well said Changing faces.

  60. Dami

    March 12, 2011 at 12:49 am

    While I can appreciate how a woman learning to change a light bulb, turn on the gen etc is not a bad idea, truth is she just might find herself in need of said skills. HOWEVER, this article does come off as short sighted, let’s reverse the roles. Say the man is left home alone for 2months. Should he not be able to cook, clean, go to the market, do his laundry in addition to all the other duties expected of him? Unless of course u’r of the opinion that its not necessary for a man to learn all hese things. This wld make ur theory baseless, sexist and ….. There’s another word but I forget at the moment. Bottomline, Its only right that the author include the need for men to be able to d the “women” stuff. U make women sound inadequate cuz they can’t turn on a gen properly. Don’t ask for a superwoman if u’r quintessentially normal, hypocrisy is not a good color on anyone 🙂

    • zazzle

      March 12, 2011 at 4:43 pm

      Exactly, and the truth of the matter is some women cannot go out of town without making arrangements for someone else to cook/help around the house when she’s gone because some of these husbands can’t even boil water. But he can only make comments about what if there’s no man around to put on the gen? Yeah that’s sexist. If he had focused on both partners knowing how to do essential chores/having essential life skills- cooking, cleaning, maintenance, caring for kids incase the other is absent/ill/(god forbid)passes away, I think most people would have agreed. Instead he’s carrying on about superwoman-hisss. and the other thing that annoys me about Nigeria/n society is that it is so easy to criticize/pick on women but we rarely shine this same lens on men as if they are untouchable. As you see from the number of comments, this clearly bothers a lot of us

  61. Joy

    March 12, 2011 at 12:57 am

    WOOOW…d amount of ignorance im seeing here is mind blowing! dammm!!!…he did not say its your job to put on the generator, or change the light bulb…i believe he said it would not hurt to know how to do those thins…obviously a man cannot sit down comfortably and watch his wife put on d gen when he is in d house…its when he is absent that u shld do it if people are not around to help….all of u are shouting like fools without a point…kmft…infact im sure the people shouting here are single, horny, lonely, and just sad…go and find a man, enter your husband’s house first then u can come and make a statement. smhh…ordinary light bulb and generator…all of u are mad…asin mentally deranged…rubbish! Spoilt gyalz of nowadays! so if ur husband is on field duty in asia nw and the light bulbs in d hse hve blown…u will sit down dere in d dark till he cmes bck bcuz dts his “duty”…smhh…i sorry for una! nd as for the cookin part, that should not even be up for debate…

  62. Debbie

    March 12, 2011 at 1:22 am

    Just another shallow SEXIST article. Who are these men to tell women what is expected of them.

  63. NENE

    March 12, 2011 at 1:34 am

    Panadol-Extra, you have completely taken all the words in my mouth. I can’t be more thankful. It’s about time men realised that.

  64. Pandora

    March 12, 2011 at 1:50 am

    I see nothing strange in what the writer tries to point out. I am thinking if anyone has lived on your own in any developed country, you would have realized that there are no preferences given to men and women. Men also cook and do house chores, women also make money… Please this is 2011. If we say black and white is equal… man and woman is equal…, we should start acting that way and stop characterizing men solely as bread winners and women as house keepers…

  65. Jack

    March 12, 2011 at 2:03 am

    I can change a lightbulb, put on the gen, do some electrical wiring,cook, clean, etc mainly becos I grew up with boys…. I must be SuperWoman. 🙂 .. I understand your point TJ but u seem to think the value of a woman decreases once she isn’t domestic enough. U must be stuck in the 20s, I pity the poor woman you get married 2… 🙁

  66. ola

    March 12, 2011 at 2:19 am

    na wa for all the gangsta women up in arms. if there is no man around and u need to do some certain things, is it not you that it benefits if u know how to do them? I can fix so many things in the house, does not mean I do all the time but for sure i wont be borrowing Iya Risi’s husband to come help me change my bulb. Abeg pls go relax jo.
    If you don’t want to learn bcos u dont want ur husband to take advantage of that, then thats ur problem.
    The mistake the writer made is not applying the same scenario to both sexes. There r men that will not lift up one finger to even put frozen food in the microwave until their sister, mum or wife gets home. Same thing goes, knowing how to cook, clean etc is for the man’s benefit. Doesnt mean he has to do it all the time …..
    My 20 naira to my dear “fellow” feminists.

  67. Ready

    March 12, 2011 at 2:29 am

    Surprisingly, I’m not pissed off by this article…only slightly annoyed, and that’s even more surprising considering I’ve got a healthy dose of feminist power in me. I took hours after reading this to decide how I feel…I think it’s because although his justifications are moronic & he didn’t mention that men should learn to do chores that are traditionally female too, his points are valid.
    I learn to do chores that aren’t traditionally a female’s chores because I want to be independent and self-sufficient and I expect the man that I’m with to be able to do all chores too…cooking, fixing hair, etc. It’s a new time, and any man that continues to think like TJ reflects himself to be in this article needs to get with the times.

  68. Stunning

    March 12, 2011 at 2:33 am

    It really isn’t rocket science to turn on the generator anymore.They make those that can be turned on with just a click of the switch you know? lol….
    And personally, i don’t agree with the notion that implies that a lady that can’t cook should lose cool points. Even those that can cook (MEANING: blending veggies together to make stew etc) can’t always guarantee good taste.Case in point: My cousin when she cooks, the aroma could draw you away from whatever it is you are doing a mile away, but when you taste said food,IT TASTES LIKE CRAP! So the person wey no fit cook and the person wey fit cook, but hin food no sweet = SAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  69. Stunning

    March 12, 2011 at 2:40 am

    @Ebby………… why you have to include London or UK in your comments is beyond me! Like seriously we get it…….U lived in the UK, painted ur UK apartment yourself………and was preggers in LOndon! Right??I hope i covered all the bases sha. lol
    Babe e don do……..u hia?Azin WE TOTALLY GET THAT YOU ARE INFACT VERY AND ABSOLUTELY JANDED.

  70. plenty

    March 12, 2011 at 3:39 am

    Obviously, the writer needs to get a phd himself because you don’t just write your feelings but give a critical analysis of a issue so we see both sides and choose. He was right about women learning simple things around the home but he failed to see wrong in making the women do all the cooking.If a man can’t cook basic foods, clean up and all then he shouldn’t come here and write about women learning how to do stuffs that she shouldn’t be doing.We are 4gurls and 1boy in my family and we know how to do everything you can think of but same way my brother knows how to get by with simple foods in the kitchen.So mr we don’t like in the stone age no more get busy learn stuffs women do to balance it out and don’t expect a woman to do stuffs you’re meant to do especially when you’re home.Its your duty so do it

  71. tj

    March 12, 2011 at 3:39 am

    Panadol extra well said….i second everyone that thinks this article sucks….that is an understatement, my sis is married to a white man n believe it or not he cooks and does the shopin n she cleans n they both bring in the pepper…..n my ex was as ibotic as it comes but we always cooked n cleaned toghether n he is an awesome cook…..living in canada n being a single chick with a house i cannot afford to run to the electrician everytime so i have become a handy woman…….so my point is that men n women should be able to run thier homes effectively when one patner is loa….thats how am gonna train my kids……i remember tellin my dad about my sis n her boo…..he was not happy…..lol…..i remember him saying that is not natural….then he asked me….so would u let your husband go into the kitchen n cook….i replied if he wants to…..then he asked me would u be happy if your mom lets me cook ….i replied….i dont care but that is not how u guys built your marriage…..i think my dad was dissapointed with my answer…..

  72. plenty

    March 12, 2011 at 3:40 am

    Obviously, the writer needs to get a phd himself because you don’t just write your feelings but give a critical analysis of a issue so we see both sides and choose. He was right about women learning simple things around the home but he failed to see wrong in making the women do all the cooking.If a man can’t cook basic foods, clean up and all then he shouldn’t come here and write about women learning how to do stuffs that she shouldn’t be doing.We are 4gurls and 1boy in my family and we know how to do everything you can think of but same way my brother knows how to get by with simple foods in the kitchen.So mr we aren’t in the stone age anymore get busy learn stuffs women do to balance it out and don’t expect a woman to do stuffs you’re meant to do especially when you’re home.Its your duty so do it

  73. Koro

    March 12, 2011 at 3:58 am

    LMAO
    unbelievable!

  74. Kemchi

    March 12, 2011 at 4:56 am

    “Off with his head!” Just in case you missed it, It’s the 21st century T.J, there are no real gender defined roles anymore. Men don’t just bring home the bacon while women sit at home painting our toes all day! In some cases men do not even bring home bacon much less pork. Your article presumes a whole lot. I bet if the roles were reversed a whole lot of brothers would be totally clueless as to how to boil water much less vacuum. Besides what is Angie’s list for eh? Na to pick up phone and find the nearest handyman, if I can afford it why must I toil and break my freshly manicured nails? Shio.

  75. Madame Sting

    March 12, 2011 at 5:41 am

    This article confused me initially because i thought it was written by a woman and i couldn’t understand why she would sound so dense. I wasn’t surprised when i finally figured out that it was written by a man.

    I don’t have a problem with women learning how to do certain things that are typically reserved for men. What is the big deal with changing a light bulb? Are you serious? However, this writer is very sexist if you ask me. Women should be more domesticated, blah blah, in fact you want a super woman, a woman who can do it all.

    What are you bringing to the table? Are you a man who can do it all? Why is it one sided. One of my criteria for a husband is that he has to be domesticated. I’m not going to marry a man who doesn’t know how to cook or do basic housework, unless he’s a baller then he can hire staff to do all that extras cos i can’t go to work (just as he does) come back home and be expected to do everything else while he puts his feet up, which is what a lot of men do.

    I don’t subscribe to gender roles. I grew up in a house with just one brother who is the youngest, so we all learned to do everything. Case in point, in the summer, i prefer to mow the lawn while my brother washes the bathroom. I hate washing the bathroom, he hates mowing the lawn. Not a big deal at all.

    • zazzle

      March 12, 2011 at 4:27 pm

      Exactly, I think that’s what most people are up in arms about. This idea of the superwoman who does everything, is probably exhausted and trying to juggle career, kids, managing the household, wifely duties and what is the husband doing? Ok, he has a job- but the wife also has a job so no what? Men who act like this clearly don’t care about their wives, if you see your wife exhausted trying to do everything and you don’t care enough to help her out. You cannot bathe your kids? Cook dinner? Clean the bathroom? Why?

      It is sexist for a guy under the guise of tradition to think all he has to do is bring in home and nothing else. Also, people have a very shortsighted view of life, spouses pass away, people can become ill say cancer. So what you’re saying is because you’re a man and not required to be a homemaker, you won’t be able to cook or take care of the kids while your wife is undergoing chemo? I believe in an equal distribution of labor in the household, both partners should be working to create the life they want. It’s not about ‘male/’female’ chores- afterall some guys lie cooking and some women like tinkering with cars. Couples can tailor the division of labor in the home. The burden cannot just be heaped on the wife or husband to do everything because no one knows who will be here today or tomorrow. And a tip for the fellas- your wife would probably want to sex you more if she wasn’t exhausted from doing it all. Now that’s extra incentive to help around the house. 😉

  76. Nigerianjobsgallery

    March 12, 2011 at 5:44 am

    OMG! bellanaija says “some domesticity please!”. Meaning, women who aren’t should learn it.Period.kini big deal.

  77. B

    March 12, 2011 at 8:29 am

    I am a woman, and a highly educated one at that. As a feminist , i was always quick to scream at the top of my lungs against articles such as this . However , i have recently come to realize that being domesticated isn’t only for the benefit of the man. It truly should be about being the best you- being self – sufficient.
    It is also very doable as i have seen my mother run a very efficient household, cook extremely well, grow a multi-million dollar business , and do what is conventionally described as “male tasks” in the absence of my father , and i intend to do the same.

    Additionally, proverbs 31 describes a woman such as this, so that is what God expects from us as women. Anyways we are all different , but i always strive for excellence in my academic and work life and have decided to also strive for the same in my domestic life .And trust me whatever you give you will also get. So if you give perfection , you will only get a perfect guy too..

  78. Biodun

    March 12, 2011 at 11:07 am

    err bros i think you hit a nerve with the ladies..and the onslaught shall continue. But the funny thing is that most of these unmarried women will still go on to do those things they are crucifying u for saying…….after they walk down the aisle.

  79. onyinye

    March 12, 2011 at 11:45 am

    Na wa for women o, u guys r just soo defensive without taking a point of reason from dis article. D writer isn’t saying u hav to do all the jobs letting d man do none. He is just saying u shud learn to do these things to save ur life. Its for ur own good. And as u learn how to do these things, the man should learn how to cook and clean and do laundry. Let there b equality in the tasks. Any man hu expects a woman to do household chores, do mechanical chores and add financial support without doin his own part equally is just a big buffoon, a cow, goat, dosgbe and a complete moron!

  80. outoftheblock

    March 12, 2011 at 11:56 am

    most ladies here are just blowing hot air for nothing..as far as am concerned the article simply implies that its PLUS for any woman who can do all those stuff..
    like someone stated if this was about how to be effective female executive or something of that sort,the comments here will be full of praises and positive comments.but now its all about domestic duties and there is fire on the mountain..frankly speaking it says alot..u might want to read the article again and think about it..like i said its a HUGE PLUS for any woman who can do those things .
    Adiós !

  81. randommer

    March 12, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    lol why you people dey vex. Is TJ O’Karo your man? he has shown his hand now, so if he and his ilk (as shown on this comment board) ever try to yarn you up. you know what to do. TJ please tell us whom your brothers in christ are so we can avoid them as well.

    Just like my dad hiss, can never lift a finger to help someone in the kitchen yet will not give someone money to buy food, then has the effontery to not want to eat what is set before him. nonsense and ingredient – after a month or so of me leaving the dishes for him to wash and deliberately cooking non-naija food, he exited stage left.

  82. LJ

    March 12, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    I can’t believe bella naija wouls publish such an article.

    Well done!

    Well done to the misogynistic men and all the self-righteous and self-hating women (yes, I said it) who prefix their commemnts with – i am a feminist, but… or i am married but i gree with him…or i am a woman, but i agree with him.

    Clap for yourselves.

    a woman’s worth is NOT tied to what she can do, it never is. so all your smugness is misplaced and based on a false sense of worth.

    as for african men: well. the misogyny has always been there, so it comes as no surprise.

  83. E babe

    March 12, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    Haahaa dis comments crack me up..FEMINISM at its best.. go WOMEN power !!!…Learning a lot for the future..thnx to d experts above 😀

  84. Uju

    March 12, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    HAHAHA!!! These comments are hilarious ..I totally understand where the author is driving @ … but his examples abi na illustrations are so weak to defend his point … they are somewhat confusing and probably contradicting to what he intends to say … some things he had on the article were just unnecessary e.g. his sister having a post graduate degree .. what is he trying to demonstrate with that? a post graduate should be well domesticated and infallible? ANYWAYS, lol, the article is just informing ladies on the importance of being independent … if ladies decide to bag all the degrees, to become independent, comfortable and what not … then learning a few hardcore chores should not hurt … it’s all for your comfort and independence .. u want to stay in a hot dark room and wait till a man comes to put on the generator, when u could have easily done that urself? what if he is at work; or in a meeting; or better still- what if he traveled? would u sleep in darkness every day or keep calling another person’s man to help with the “manly chores” ? or do u want ur loved ones to die of carbon monoxide poisoning because u can’t differentiate the normal? thereby killing someone because you were busy differentiating men and women chores .. no one is saying you have to do it all .. just have an idea about it .. so u can make good use of the acquired knowledge when the need arises. Full stop ,,, hope i made sense with this one … lol

  85. another ola

    March 12, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    Ive said it before ill say it again
    this female empowerment thing is getting on my last nerves
    I dnt know what the writer said that was wrong
    for christs sake he didnt say” do all these things while your man is around and being a couch potato watching football and having a bear with crumbs scattered everywhere”

    I am a mother of 3 and I do everything in my house when my husband is not home and even sometimes when he’s home.
    my house is picture perfect 24/7 and I handle my biz

    women your worth is being an “all rounder”
    my husband knows better than being a couch potato while I am working around the house
    one thing he knows is if anything ever happens to him,
    the kids and I will be in great hands

    that is because not only am a yummy mummy
    I know am hot,fly and educated
    when Its time to paint the house I can do that
    put on the gen ,fill the tank,check the engine oil check check
    take care of the lawn check
    wash the dogs and take them on walks check
    when its time to go to the market best believe I will haggle with the price for real
    If its time to hit the party looking like beyonce ,you bet I will

    heck I just fixed and painted the walls in my house that has cracks while he was fixing lunch for the family,after we both did the laundry
    theres no gender-specific roles in our house and thats what makes our marriage tick almost 10 years after

    moral of the story am not a slave ,neither do I take my husband for granted
    we both have mutual respect for each other cause there’s nothing he can do around the house that I cant and vice versa
    the only difference is he has a [email protected]@K and I a V#$$%A

    But he knows not to play with me cause he knows I am self-sufficient
    now thats what i call real EMPOWERMENT!

    • lala

      March 15, 2011 at 10:55 am

      one of the best posts so far
      nuff said…………..

  86. Sam Ndubueze

    March 12, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    This is a very very relevant information in this time and age. It points out how we have been shying away from our roles in pretence of playing “what a man can do …” roles. Thanks for this post.

  87. Ebby

    March 12, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    My English is actually perfect thank u very much, I was using my iPad and u should know about the predictive text, the point still remains dat we 9ja women should quit seeing these chores as manly duties.

  88. Ayodeji

    March 12, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    No. I think he is sexist because he has assigned tasks based on gender. There is no such thing in the world we live in today.

  89. ebi

    March 12, 2011 at 8:13 pm

    wow i’m rily surprised, I start the gen everyday at home, at times if I’m in the mood , I wash the cars, i never saw that as being domesticated, my brother loves cooking, I never saw that as being domesticated. I think we, women should learn how to do some of these things, we don’t know when we might need them, and also the men should learn how to do some of the chores around the house

  90. Anonymous Boogie

    March 12, 2011 at 9:04 pm

    dont know what everyone else has said as too many comments to read but i agree with u 100%. it is very much required that we women learn to do these things. you never just know where you’ll find yourself tomorrow.

    Speaking from experience, recently relocated and having to do chores like fuel the gen, supervise the gen maintenance guy, mechanic etc is not fun but as no man is around, i have to do it myself.

    The earlier you learn, the better. And it all leads to being independent afterall, most women cant claim to be independent just because they can afford the things they need, you still need to rely on the men to do little chores like changing the bulbs. Its multi-skilling, look at it this way, your boss will need a replacement for anyone going on leave and everyone in a team will be sufficiently skilled to replace someone on leave if not you wont be needed in the team right? nuf said (go get ur fuel pumps out abeg and start filling the gen) why stay in darkness until “oga’ returns?

  91. cindy

    March 12, 2011 at 11:18 pm

    dont even know what u all making noise about…….when u are a single girl with ur own house, a gen and a car if the need arises u wont wait 4 the nearest male to come and change a bulb for u…..somethings u learn for your self……as a married woman if ma hubby is home any job that has to do with physical energy i dont go near, but if he aint home i do what i can and if it calls for an expert in the field i call……was driving home from church one evening and had a flat tire with us 4 girls in the car……tho we were scared and nobody stopped, we prayed and managed to change the tyre ourselves (the 1st for all of us) and life moves on…..at home my husband cooks sometimes and helps with the chores and it doesnt make him less male….the point is nobody should sit on their lazy behind and expect the other to work like a donkey…and please teach all your children to be responsible i.e do what you can and let everyone take part in chores at home….all that crap about boys not entering the kitchen or washing dishes should no longer be heard of…..everyboby should learn the basics about keeping a home

  92. D.O.T.M.H.

    March 13, 2011 at 1:18 am

    Poor TJ. Hahahaahhaaa

  93. friendofzara

    March 13, 2011 at 1:19 am

    actually, a woman isnt ‘domesticated’can only be likened to a man who cant cook! if u want super woman, be super man. Shikena….yo wah!

  94. oyin

    March 13, 2011 at 3:16 am

    people can be so unrealistic at times! *SIGH*
    like seriously!!! we have to admit that no matter how educated or civilized someone is you can not neglect your role as a woman!! even oyinbo woman fit do all these things plus we are African and it is our culture so do not in the name of westernization become something else!! In as much as yes a man needs to help around the house and all, you still ,as a woman, have to remember that it is your home! nobody is going to say Mr X’s house is like this and like that, they will say Mrs X an not take care of her home! even your fellow women that want ‘gender equality’ will blame you!!
    and don’t vex too much OK! he is just giving an advice!

  95. EBELE

    March 13, 2011 at 3:17 am

    @ Pandol extra…. and u point is?????? ur semon was just an anology of the history and changing women roles which has nothing to do with the write up.

  96. amyola

    March 13, 2011 at 4:26 am

    Haba!! ladies it doesnt hurt to learn these things, it comes in handy when u least expect it…but when he is arnd and he expects u to do those chores…perhaps he will like to carry the preg for 9months if my period refuses to stop…!! its help naaw!

  97. Rolly

    March 13, 2011 at 5:03 am

    I understand that women should learn to do some “manly” things around the house. But what annoys me is how men don’t want to do the same. A man’s life only changes marginally after he has a child, but a woman’s world is completely turned around. Why don’t u guys act like u had something to do with bringing the child to life and stop asking us to take up ur own responsibilities too. Y’all weren’t all born to put ur feet up in front of the tv while we slave away in the kitchen, laundry room. There’s nothing wrong with a woman that can’t cook, society has stereotyped that role to women. That’s what u have personal chefs for. Y’all just want everything for free in a wife. If u want food, marry a restaurant, if u want sex, marry a trick, if u want laundry done, marry a washing machine, and if u want ur generator turned on properly, marry a mechanic!
    I appreciate u being the perfect outlet today for my feminist frustrations. More pls!

  98. Rolly

    March 13, 2011 at 5:22 am

    Better don’t commit sin! So You are saying we should work a 9to5 job, come home to cook, clean, take care of the kids, still look pretty and slim of course, and take up the manly chores too. Why? Is it a curse from God to be a woman? And u wonder why the high rate of divorce these days. It’s too much, it’ll get to a point, the woman can’t take it anymore and she cracks. With all of these things to do, where’s the time for romance? I’m not talking about sex, I mean romantic date nights, trips abroad without the kids? And so on. Perhaps, what’s the man supposed to do? Work the same 9to5, have his ego laundered, watch tv, burp and sleep? I’m sorry hon, no such luck where I live. I cook when I want to (that’s why they invented pizza delivery), I hate washing dishes, but it gets done, everybody cleans up after themselves. Going back to what I said earlier, my mum used to say it in yoruba “O je ma gbe’she” (Better don’t commit sin with ur mouth or in ur case, ur fingers)

    Peace out!

  99. Wakawaka

    March 13, 2011 at 11:07 am

    What a ridiculously point
    Ess, sexist, ignorant and uninsightful article. BN just accepts any article from anyone that can write a sentence in gramatically correct English even if it’s clear they have no talent! Or insight!

  100. Nicci

    March 13, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    You are very right. Because women are seen as the weaker gender, it is so important for us to strive to be self-relaint, so that we may combat this view of us as the “lesser sex”. Women should make it their mission to take a keen interest in the things in life that could improve their independence.

  101. meee

    March 13, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    yeah,I SHOULD GO LEARN HOW TO MOW THE LAWN !
    smh….men men men. !

  102. robyn

    March 13, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    I just think if I can do all the stuff a woman should be able to do and even some(man’s stuff) y would I want to get married in d first place?its not like d marriages around r encouraging anyway or dat a “man’s man” is available!

  103. Purpleicious Babe

    March 14, 2011 at 9:42 am

    Where do I start, so many comments…. interesting article… not looking to bash the author… This is where I stand woman or no woman or man seff i dont care as long as u are human, u have two hands and legs and mouth pls learn to do things urself… including everything in life. In this life, it always been three of us mum,me and sis and we have always done everything ourselves.. I fix everything in my house from toilets, sinks, TV, wardrobes, computer etc. I live abroad and very rare we call the electricians or carpenters..Myself and sister does most stuff. So, I think these argument about women knowing this and that is total rubbish, u should learn because u want to be independent not because it is a role or a choice. Besides, this mentality about men/ women role needs to change, both sexes should learn to forget roles and just be independent, thus men learn cook to feed urself, learn how to wash plates etc. It is not a womans role. IT IS A DUTY…

  104. Bolanle

    March 14, 2011 at 10:48 am

    I totally agree with the writer. You never can tell when the tables turn. Right now, my husband works outside LAgos and gets to come home atmost twice a month during weekends. As such i am left with fueling and putting on the gen, changing or facilitating the changing of the bulbs, getting someone to service the gen and car, changing the gas etc. I cant afford to wait for whenever my hubby is in town because the fact of the matter is life just has to go on and for my own convinience, i have to learn how to DIY……………..

  105. my day

    March 14, 2011 at 11:55 am

    how can you compare changing light bulbs and switching on the generator (of which most new models dont require the arm-wrenching pull, just a simple switch) with going to market, making banga soup, washing dirty shirts and smelly socks (both from husby and the kids), keeping house and giving ‘it’ at night too? Those are not house chores. Maximum, two minutes and i can do both…but banga soup? By the time i place a small pile of red palm nuts with a sieve and a pot, u go confuse, Mr. Domesticity. *Very Long Hiss*

  106. storm!

    March 16, 2011 at 2:40 am

    Most gurls seem to be missin d point, Tj dint say women shud cook,clean,and do the ‘man’s ‘ job in d house. He’s simply sayin learn how to do it in case d man’s not dere!simple! It makes u less dependent on d man n kips his ego in check. So all u feminists,take a chill pill abeg!

  107. modee

    March 16, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    lol…just yesterday..for d 1st time,my hussy slept out n i ws left alone at home…as God would hv it,PHCN refused to giv light,livin me in d wicked hands of fuel, generator n smtin dey call “choke” ah!!!wahala…hd to beg a neighbor to help me fight my battles….and all dis time dis article ws resoundin in my head…im acquiring dt skill next,just after sewin n bakin lessons…wink!

  108. Kemi

    March 16, 2011 at 7:41 pm

    I love the article. Very well written!

  109. kokomma

    March 18, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    preach broda!….

  110. womenarenottheweakersex

    March 18, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    The only point of this obviously myopic article that I agree with is the fact that I do believe that EVERYONE should be independent of the other sex. What has got us into trouble is the fact that we have labelled certain things such as changing the light bulb and turning on a generator among other things as a man’s job, well screw that. Learn to do as much so you are self-sufficient so that at the end of the day someone will not write an article that clearly reduces the value of women or men for that matter to only what they can (being domesticated or earning a living). Whatever happened to kindness, graciousness, class and all others that also defined a human.

    On another note, someone needs to write an article about how men should be “Supermen” for their relationship to work. And of course that would only cover their ability to provide. Really when would our minds be open to the fact that change affects not only one facet (i.e. women working outside the home) but also affects the traditional dynamics of a relationship.

  111. Mex

    March 22, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    I think what most ladies here are missing is the fact that you ladies were primarily meant to raise a family, a good home and nothing else. The education, career and so called “Independence” are all secondary. You women are heroes, without you, the world will crumble, and be inhabitable. Look around you today and see the people causing trouble all over the world; they all have one thing in common, the came from a bad home. When a woman neglects her duties and decides to purse secondary obligations, she neglects the one thing God gave her to take care of. I am not saying women should be bound only to the kitchen, no, what I’m saying is they should put their family, home and husband first before anything else. I know of ladies that are top carrier women but still take great care of their fmilies. Their husbands are not complaining because these women are doing their primary duties. Most girls nowadays want something but don’t wanna work for it and they are quick to shout sexism when someone mentions the need for them to be domesticated. At the end of the day, the ones that refused to be domesticated finally learn that they need to be but sometimes, it is little bit too late.

  112. Staxx

    March 23, 2011 at 4:32 pm

    This is Nigeria. The man goes out hunting and the woman stays with the baby and takes care of the home.

  113. MsLuffa

    March 25, 2011 at 3:50 pm

    i’m learning so much from comments here. I thought men liked to feel needed. I get the point about learning survival skills – that’s fair enough. But this reminds me of tales of men who have dumped their girlfriends for being ‘too independent’ or cheating on them with women who seemed to need them around…

  114. Fairy Godsister

    April 14, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    @Panadol, sorry but what/where is the point you are trying to make?
    @T.J, I agree with you; nothing stops a lady (including yours truly) from learning a couple of these ‘not in our job description’ skills. You never know when you’ll need it…
    http://www.fairygodsister.wordpress.com

  115. NaijaGurl

    April 16, 2011 at 4:24 am

    Okay why r there so many negative comments here?? the writer kinda has a point
    Yes he may have been biased in only mentioning the roles of women without talking about guys too. However, we need to look beyond the gender bias and focus on the main point of the article which is that *both* men and women need to learn what I call the everyday tools of survival, trust me when u’ ve got no domestic hometraining, u are bound to loose in a lot of ways, I have a friend (male ) who was telling me sometime ago, that he loves to cook and he even cooks for he’s housemates sometimes- as in I was shocked when I dicovered that he was for real a good cook (mind you he’s cooking put me to shame) after that realized that my mom may be right afterall, especially when she would hammer it on my head that I needed to start spending more time in the kitchen.
    so yes we are in the 21st century and it is not unusual to see guys and girls take on the reverse doemestic roles etc. afterall, we have guys who r chefs so a word of advice if u do not know how to do anything, trust me you will be left behind….you will think na play it will do u korokoro fo eye like that when ur bf dumps u because he cnt marry a girl who cnt cook or clean the house, or on the other hand, ur gf leaves u because u cnt cook or do something as simple as cleaning after yourself. I would say even if u cnt cook atleast learn how to do other things like changing light fixtures for example – for ur own good oo

  116. Tee

    April 22, 2011 at 5:24 pm

    I think one of the problems facing this generation is ignorance and pride. This is why relationships and marriages are crumbling. Did i just read the same article as all the ladies up there read? Why all the insults and comments?

    The writer said you should learn somethings not for him or to be an all rounder but to save yourself. At times the ladies call me from my place of work to come put on the gen- assuming i wasn’t in town- they ll stay in the dark.

    1. If a lecturer is to grade most people here, they will have a big F9. Why do we read outside the box and give comments not related to the main thing?
    2. I suppose most ladies here are not married, just wait till then my loved ones, you will understand when you are home alone and all these things happen to you. Experience would be the best teacher for he/she who is not willing to do the right thing at the right time
    3. Ladies of my generation are not willing to submit like our mothers did- and i weep for this generation. Only for them to weep at night cos there is no husband cos of bad attitudes

    Peace
    3.

  117. Tee

    April 22, 2011 at 5:37 pm

    lol
    either they want to get down with her or when they get to know she cant do anything, they opt out

  118. tab

    April 23, 2011 at 10:52 am

    Aside from the author’s lovely one-sided soliloquy… Why are women the worst women bashers? Some of the extreme responses supporting TJ’s article are from women, women are the one’s holding each other back…

    p.s. The word “Domesticity” is so insulting, TJ use that word on your house pet.

  119. Amara

    May 6, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    just another thought: if I as a woman can do most of a man’s duties (as the writer suggests) I won’t need a man then, would I? A man needs to maintain a level of responsibility so that his presence in a home is actually felt.

  120. Daniel Oyenuga

    May 9, 2011 at 11:38 pm

    Worst piece I have read in 3 weeks. The writer is very suggestive and holds a very lopsided view. certainly women should learn how to do things like turn on generator and change light bulbs should in-case they find themselves in a situation that requires this simple skills. Eck!! ‘m sure lots of people wan learn how to do everything ‘cos we always find ourself in these situations anyway man or woman. However, to suggest a woman’s worth is in her being domestic is complete and utter garbage. And really to be able to write such nonsense and post here makes me worry about what’s going on in the mind of the writer and perhaps many men out there in the name of African-men. And the example about your NYSC days I tell you most women want true men who love them for them not because of what they can do. The worth of a person certainly goes beyond how domesticated he/she is. Please cut the ‘crap’!!!

  121. I Told You

    May 10, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    some men are just so backwards they dont deserve a woman who is forward…. PERIOD.

  122. ntebony

    May 17, 2011 at 11:18 pm

    untill recently, we wer all girls in my house,,this article has made me realize dat those tyms my dad got angry cos we cudnt start d gen or change d lite bulb, and so we had to learn were really necessary..today im very gud in kitchen mattaz as well as fixing little tings around d house..well written article.

  123. sols

    June 22, 2011 at 3:15 pm

    Well I think the most important thing is balance. And some of you girls have me scared here. You just seem to have a lot of pent-up vendetta against the men and I dont blame you at all.
    I am a guy and I toss pancakes, bake and cook all sorts of naija stuff – very well. Infact there are times I would rather handle these things myself than have a female friend do it. Of course I ll have to relax when I am married. But I dont think its fair to load anybody with the responsibility of my own personal welfare so I dont expect my wife to also be my mom. Bottomline is not all guys are silly, selfish and inconsiderate as some people might believe. And some of you might need to disabuse this notion lest it do you more harm than good on the long term. The author did not present a balanced perspective in that he did not hammer on guys who think some tasks are too mundane or outrightly below them. But this article was intended for ladies in d first place. Not many guys are going to come here. In any case life is much easier when you as a woman can handle some of these things on your own. Its all for your own safety and convenience in the long run. And I salute all of you naija women for the demanding and very challenging role that you play at home. My own mama was one of you afterall 😀 But i guess this guy was just trying to address that bimbo syndrome that affects SOME of our women.
    In any case for those of you who are not yet married look before you leap, if he really loves u, he ll learn to respect and cherish u. Not sure i have more to say. Nice thread girls.

  124. Uche

    July 9, 2011 at 10:03 pm

    sorry i am tired of having sexist attitudes to things. if you are not satisfied with what you have, hug transformer. if you are marrying me for what i can do then don’t marry me at all because you can as well marry the house help when i start working

  125. Dayo

    September 26, 2011 at 9:44 pm

    This is funny,I had no idea that changing light bulbs was a man’s job.I am a lady(as in,I no be small girl) but I have been washing my father’s car for as long as I can remember and God help me if I see that he has a flat tire and I don’t change it(I hate washing the car and changing tires but it’s not really an option,except I want my dad to go on and on).If the gen needs to be bleed,I do it myself,etc I don’t like anything that has to do with electricity so my sister changes the electric socket if it’s broken.It just never occurred to me that we were doing “men oriented” jobs

  126. Pingback: Warning: Beauty Fades, But A Woman Who Can Cook Lasts Forever « love.african!

  127. Pd

    October 6, 2012 at 6:48 am

    What’s the big deal about learning to put on the generator(don’t turn the fuel handle all the way ooh…just half way cos of fuel consumption)…..with my long winchwinchi nails ……I can kill a chicken….change bulbs(screw or pin) ,change cutouts sef(prepaid Neva reach my side) and I can also break bottle on a guys head when I need to defend myself…..(just the right way that the bottle will scatter for him head without drawing blood oooo….u ve to be an expert b4 trying that)I know how to cook but I don’t know how to bake (am willing to learn thou) I don’t know all these to serve a man……..but for me……n it’s no big deal really.

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