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Forget Me Not

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I am a keen fan of the medical drama series, Grey’s Anatomy. Ever since the first episode of season one, I have been hooked. I really do not like watching the seasons as they unfold but prefer to wait until an entire season is concluded before going to my “trusted guy’s” shop to purchase the DVD. Why? Because I like to watch it at a stretch, I am not down with all that day to day suspense – it’s just too tasking on the emotions! Well, I just concluded season five and I am well into season six. I had heard that my favourite character George O’Malley was written out of the season but I still was not prepared for his death. Kind, sweet, noble but easily confused and persuaded George was hit by a bus while trying to push some girl out of the path of the oncoming bus. He suffered a lot and eventually died among friends and colleagues in the hospital he had worked for two years or more. But I think what hurt me more was the way he was quickly forgotten. I mean by the fourth episode of the said season, he had been completely forgotten! No one talked about him anymore, not Izzy, not Callie, not Meredith, not the chief, and not even Bailey whose son he birthed during a difficult delivery! I felt bad for him, for his memory, and was really ashamed of his friends! I ranted on twitter about the injustice of it all but alas I fear I may have been overreacting.

Now all this is from the imagination of the producer but you must agree that most times art imitates life. But what I found discomfiting is the fact that in spite of my sadness, annoyance and self righteous indignation, I realised that I too was guilty of the same crime of forgetting a dead loved one. Yes, I have had close friends who passed on and maybe not immediately but surely over time they became a distant memory. At the start of my final year in school, I decided to take my friendship with a sophomore to the next level. This was a girl I had met the previous year whom I really liked but was afraid to date because I didn’t want to get hurt again. I found her pretty exciting, she was vivacious, beautiful, quite popular and exciting. Somehow she really liked me and all summer she gave me subtle hints of encouragement. So we made things official and I found love again. But then we had a misunderstanding and we left school for the Christmas break without speaking to each other. I called her number a week into the New Year and I learned that she was in the hospital. To cut a long story short she passed the day after I went to see her at the hospital, three days after the call. Needless to say I was distraught. I attended the service of songs and her burial, I broke down at the cemetery and was completely inconsolable. I tried to mourn her as best as I could and thanked God that I got to see and really talk with her before she died. I wore black, refused to cut my hair or shave and cried a lot. I did carry on like that for a while until my mum had to talk some sense into me. I finally snapped out of it. In time, I went from thinking about her everyday to thinking about her once a week, to once a month, to those odd sporadic moments in traffic or whenever I hear “Cluck! Cluck!” by Product GnB and Wyclef Jean which was our favourite dance song. Thankfully I still remember her birthday and the day she passed and try to reach out to her brother and close friend (can’t remember the last time I did that to be honest!) But really after almost ten years, remembering her and honouring that memory has become less of a feature of my life.

So yes, I do feel bad at my inability to honour my dead girlfriend’s memory. I am alive, well and kicking and sometimes I do feel guilty about enjoying it all so much. I feel bad about having to remove her picture from my wallet, and eventually deleting her phone number from my SIM. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t have issues moving on; I had issues with my ability to forget.

Why does it happen this way? Is the average person so caught up with life that the dead do not matter anymore? People we loved, talked with, laughed with, shared many happy and sad moments with, and planned futures with just get relegated to the past. But on the flip side, how long should one mourn? How long should one then keep remembering the lost one? Is forgetting some form of betrayal? Is it wrong to feel bad about one’s ability to forget? Or is it some form of survivor’s guilt?  Does time not only heal wounds but erase memories? Is it okay to move on from those memories without feeling the guilt of doing so?

I guess somehow, I get scared that I too will die some day and be forgotten by my family, my friends, my colleagues and others close to me. I think the thought of that scares me more than anything in the world right now; the idea that after my death, I will eventually become just another distant memory with time. True, life is for the living but more than a passing thought should be spared for those who were once a significant part of that life.

This is dedicated to the memories of Maureen, Uyi, Edobor, Africa and Charles. Sleep well, till we meet again. Vanya con Dios.

75 Comments

  1. stella

    May 26, 2011 at 11:18 am

    First

    • Nayajo

      June 7, 2011 at 2:09 pm

      Unbelievable. Did you actually read the article? This is a sad and thought provoking write up and all you have to comment on is “first”. You need to grow up a bit my dear.

  2. Kem-Kem

    May 26, 2011 at 11:21 am

    Sad

  3. BubblyBliss

    May 26, 2011 at 11:23 am

    🙁

  4. Moi

    May 26, 2011 at 11:28 am

    Its not easy!

  5. iknow

    May 26, 2011 at 11:29 am

    First!!!
    Sad post… But its kinda true. Sometimes, you even forget their faces

  6. dark child

    May 26, 2011 at 11:35 am

    Hmnnnn… very deep and i can totally relate to this. I’m equally guilty of having a distant memory and flashes of loved ones that have passed away. But the truth like u rightly said is that time heals. A good way out is to reach out to the relatives of the deceased from time to time in anyway we can. There is a time for everything under the sun, a time to hurt, a time to heal a time to cry, a time to laugh etc. That is the summary of life. Let’s make the most of life while we can.

    • mike

      May 26, 2011 at 12:06 pm

      You’ve said it all

  7. ummy

    May 26, 2011 at 11:47 am

    yeeeepee!!!!!!!!!first4d first tym……….

    • Turn Turn Turner

      May 26, 2011 at 1:41 pm

      Gosh! *rolling eyes*

  8. SeunD

    May 26, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    awwwww……weird to lose a gf/bf because a lot is what could have been. i cant imagine

  9. emjay

    May 26, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    well, my weakness is that i carry them in my spirit even people dat were not related to me but i hold on to what was said about dem and carry them around which i think is really not good!

  10. RHOZIELEEN

    May 26, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    such a touching article.

  11. MsLuffa

    May 26, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    It’s a tough to loose a loved one, but as life goes one, we are able to bear the burden of the loss better – it’s how we are made.
    Thankfully, the only certainty in life is death and we will all pass away, there’s nothing we can do about that, but what we can do, is make sure we leave a lasting legacy of our lives.
    Sounds to me like your girl friend made a positive impact in your life, and it’s good that she’s been remembered for good things. That’s a strong point one can take away from this article – to strive to sow good seeds in the lives of people, so when we move on for whatever reason – we can be sure that our time with them will bear good fruit.

    http://www.msluffa.wordpress.com

  12. Miola

    May 26, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    My dear even some of the living don’t matter, I know a lady who is I’ll and has been forgotten by her siblings , she is not dead just ill but no one remembers her anyone . I understand everyone has a life to live but these are ppl who were once the most important set of ppl in ur life…. May our siblings never abandon us.

  13. king's kid!

    May 26, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    @dark child, I agree with you! God help us!

  14. Lady Jaye

    May 26, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    It is how we are made. Life goes on, and the memory of the dead MUST give way to the vicissitudes of living. Imagine if you were kept in the same state of grief as when she first died. You wouldn’t be able to move on or find joy in life or do anything. God being s merciful, made us that way, precisely so we can move on. ALL men (and women too, and children, and erfrybody, haha) will die. Imagine if you keep in the immediate state of grief for everyone who dies…forever. the grief will overhwelm and kill you.

    Even the pain of losing a husband, or a daughter, or a sibling, any loved one, dulls with time, precisely so we can go on anew as each day is new. It’s how God made us and thank goodness He made us so!

  15. partyrider

    May 26, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    i dont think there is need to feel guilty..life is for the living.as long as u have mourned the person(no matter how long),a time will come when u will have to MOVE ON and LIVE..
    holding on to memories isnt bad,but when u hold on to them,refuse to let go and allow those memories affect the life u have been privileged to have and live..thats not healthy
    lets remember the dead when we can and at the same time lets not forget to maximize the gift of life.

  16. Tiki

    May 26, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    I think God wires us to forget not the memory of the person, but the memory of the pain we felt when they left us…or else the grief will last forever. However weeping lasts for a night, but joy comes in the morning…after we mourn, we should get past the grief, and be thankful to God for the time we had together. So don’t beat urself up if you forget sometimes…it’s natures way of dealing with grief. The important thing is that when you remember, you say a prayer, and thank God for what time you had.

  17. Timma

    May 26, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    Hmmmmmmm! Deep very deep and very touching. Truth be told life must go on, I lost my hubby of 3years, a year ago precisely 8th of May after a very brief Illness,I still mourn him but I have moved on, I was pregnant with our second son when he died and it was really a trying time, my parents and friends were supportive, some of his friends too but after the burial i noticed his friends especially the ones that were as if their world had ended with his death moved on quite fast, at a point I felt bad and betrayed but truthfully and practically, with all the worries and cares of life, its hard to hold on to a dead loved one’s memories and keep up when you have so much to worry about, its not as if they are forgotten but you just put yourself to other things to keep up with living your life daily. Yes, i might wake up in the night and cry for a while, see either of my sons behave in a certain way and be reminded of him so vividly, and start to cry but the thoughts of how I will pay the next term school fees on time or buy clothes or food for the growing baby or other needs are more in the fore front while thoughts of him though still very much alive are relegated to the background, so I can keep my wits about me and provide for our needs so I don’t send us to the great beyond much earlier than the scheduled time! Thank God for the gift of life, May the souls of the faithful departed Rest In perfect peace,Amen.

    • cdot

      May 26, 2011 at 3:02 pm

      So sorry for you loss! May God continue to give you the grace, strength and courage you may need.

    • JM

      May 26, 2011 at 4:29 pm

      Thank God for your life and your courage to keep on keeping on! May He continue to provide for you and give you the strength to persevere on life’s daily course! Your kids are blessed to have you!

    • Anjay

      May 26, 2011 at 4:46 pm

      You are a very strong, beautiful woman and may God bless your children and the labour of your hands.
      From someone that thinks she knows you….”wink” 🙂

    • Nomzee

      June 13, 2011 at 2:48 am

      God is the husband to the widow and i know He will never forget you and your children. You seem to be young and i pray you find true love again. God bless and keep you.

  18. bluebubbles

    May 26, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    I’m lost for words cos I totally relate with this article.

  19. dewowo

    May 26, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    Timma (hugging and feeling you).
    7years ago, i lost a very close friend. we’ve weathered many storms 2gether. she practically lives in our house b4 i got married and even after my wedding i was faced with the responsibility of taking care of her. i couldn’t do much for her when i got married cos i was cumbered with so may responsibility all at the same time. she kept to her self most of the time and this bothered me considering the fact that she lost her job and was jilted by her fiancee made matters worse. how do i explain it that her HIV has blown to AIDs. was on vacation with my husband when the news of her death came to me. i was devastated. she made me promise not to tell any one she was HIV positive! (including my husband) i eventually told my husband. she was practically a virgin so how this came about still beats me till 2day. I feel guilty most times for not being able to do much as i should have for her especially when i got pregnant of my 1st child. The had truth is – life goes on and i truely miss her – Ejiro Oboh (RIP)

  20. my day

    May 26, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    @ Timma, The joy of the Lord is your strength. My late sister was born on the 2nd of May. It’s been 11 years now since she passed on. Last year for the first time since she died, i forgot her birthday. I forgot the day she died more than a couple of years ago. This year i remembered her birthday a week after. Needless to say the guilt at having forgotten something so important in the life of someone i had been very close to, ate at me deeply, but even that guilt did not last long. I think of how old she would have been today, and given that there’s hardly anyone at home anymore to help my mum cook, clean, wash etc in in our rather big house, how she would have come in really handy. I think of how she would have turned out to be the most beautiful of all my sisters. I think of her impeccable grades in school and how she just might have been the medical doctor my dad had been trying futilely to force the rest of us to become…i think of so many things but to my eternal shame, while in the middle of such thoughts, real life intrudes and without further prompting i discard loving memories of my sister and most times don’t return to those memories until a year or two later. Sad really, but i guess that is the way God wired us; not to dwell so much in the past that we neglect the present and consequently spoil our future. If we can even forget past triumphs, how much longer do you think we can hold on to what has the potential of ripping our hearts apart even if only virtually? I think living well and even enjoying life within our creator’s plans for us is the best way to honour the memories of our dead loved ones.
    May the souls of our loved ones who have passed on rest in peace

  21. Toyosi

    May 26, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    That’s life TJ. Even wedding vows end with “till death do us part”. There must be a solid reason for that.

  22. Tyna

    May 26, 2011 at 4:12 pm

    i lost my father in 2006 n losing him was lik d world will com to an end 4 me bt over tyme , i hav learn to live life as its com n learn from his death. although, he his gone bt his memories still linger in my mind n all i hv to do is pray fr his soul cos dat is d only thng d death nid frm us d living …………. fr d soul of my father n all d soul of does who hv lost a loved one n all d soul of all d faithful departed …….Rest in-peace Amen…..

  23. D pretty

    May 26, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    Trully,we all are guilty of forgetting dose who meant so much at certain point in our lives but the truth is,dats how we HUMAN are..Time heals all wounds,pains and broken hearts Death must have caused us. D best we can do is remember our loved ones,smile at their thots and thank God dey were part of our lives when they lived…

  24. JM

    May 26, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    I feel the same! I don’t want to ever be forgotten (quite selfish), but I think forgetting is a mechanism that ppl use to move on, but after a while…they literally forget, the deceased becomes a distant memory, because if not, the living will still be living in the past…..so sad…i just pray in Jesus name that I have kids and that I am alive to make a big enough impact in their life that I will be irreplacable. (selfish again).
    Well put once again!

  25. D pretty

    May 26, 2011 at 4:26 pm

    Trully,we all are guilty of forgetting dose who meant so much at certain point in our lives but the truth is,dats how we HUMAN are..Time heals all wounds,pains and broken hearts Death must have caused us. D best we can do is remember our loved ones,smile at their thots and thank God dey were part of our lives when they lived…

  26. ruby

    May 26, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    when i remenber my best friend i just feel like crying everytime..it got to the stage where my family dont talk about him anymore cos i always end up crying my eyes out..it is really sad when you lose you loved ones

  27. E.J

    May 26, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    quite sad. and ur so right. sometimes it happens subconsciously. well God help us.

  28. Adelle

    May 26, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    I lost my older brother who was n still is my best friend n I always think n talk about him. Sometimes, I feel like I’m being too emotional, I feel like people are talking about me for continuously remembering my late older brother. But now, from what you wrote, I know that I am not wrong and I will always LOVE and REMEMBER him.

  29. Mira

    May 26, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    My grand mom died in my arms four years ago. It’s sad to say that I do not remember the date anymore, or the events of the day. But I know I loved her. I guess it’s a guy thing, we block things out, because the living world needs us to be strong, firm and focused. Reality is a bitch that loves our attention. So treasure your moments of reminiscence, cos some of us would kill to have them, but our visions of the past is always blurry. A good post!

  30. Myne Whitman

    May 26, 2011 at 5:16 pm

    What a touching article. You got me when you talked about O’malley, he was my favorite character in the show and I was sobbing when we found out he was the one about to die. Now I hardly even remember or notice that no one talks about him. Same as in life, I have also quickly forgotten friends. God help us.

  31. yemi

    May 26, 2011 at 5:32 pm

    its scary to be forgotten.i don’t know which one is more terrifying, death or forgotten.my aunty lost her hubby after eleven years of marriage sometimes, i wonder how she copes with her three kids.my heart bleeds for the ones that lost their loves at tender age.may their soul rest in peace.

  32. Titi

    May 26, 2011 at 6:41 pm

    This article hits deep you know and it couldn’t have come at a better/more sensitive time. Its just a few weeks to when it will be exactly one year that my a-mazing mum passed on. we were so so so close so it really jolted my world and up until march, I could not go three days without spending extended amounts of time crying. I’m a student however with ri-don-culous deadlines atm including a huge research thesis to write. If i was to have any chance of meeting these, i needed to focus so I made the conscious decision to not think about her. I purposely make sure i stop my thoughts about her and refuse to look at photos…I do feel guilty at actually forcing her out of my mind but my rationale is there is nothing more she would have wanted than for me to do well. Is that so bad?
    Just to add another twist, one thing that has really helped me in making attempts at moving on are the scriptures which say remember not the things of old(isaiah..) and 1corinthians where paul talks about looking forward to things to come. Now does this not suggest that moving on requires an element of forgetting??

  33. Ronnie

    May 26, 2011 at 9:15 pm

    I lost a close friend of mine about 11 years ago to typhoid perforation and was so sad that i went into depression.It was a really difficult time for me and i thought i wouldn’t get through it.I still think about her sometimes and the fact that she died from a very treatable disease keeps pushing me to be a better doctor.

  34. Barbie

    May 26, 2011 at 10:54 pm

    A beautiful and touching piece.
    Almost all of us are guilty of this but despite stress of everyday life and through hectic and trying times, we still get fleeting windows through which we peer into our memories and take time to cherish the essence of who our loved ones were and what they meant to us. RIP Aunty Lanre, Granny and more recently Mr. Oluyi. See you on the other side.

  35. Gidi

    May 26, 2011 at 10:56 pm

    What is worse is being forgotten by friends simply because economic and career conditions have moved you into different levels.
    Friends whose memories of you can only befit the dead.
    Friendships that you once treasured, now you seem like a world away to them and the friendship remains simply because you make the effort.
    The spirit of Ubuntu is long dead.

  36. Gbemi

    May 27, 2011 at 3:31 am

    Thank you TJ for this thought provoking piece.
    Having lost my mom, dad and sister, I know first hand how deep and real the pain of death can be. I feel it is unfair that they died so young. There are old people who would rather be dead. My grandma is old and frail and she prays for death to come. Why would God take those who (seemingly) are not ready to go, and leave those who want to go and rest? My dear friend lost her son a few weeks ago. He was such an adorable boy. He was an answer to prayer. His name was Oluwatishe. He was only 2 years old.

    I guess I’ll have to wait till I see God for answers. In the mean time, I draw comfort from His word. Revelation 14:13 says “Blessed are those who die in the Lord… They are at rest from their labour” (Gbemi’s version)
    My coping strategy is seeing my loved ones at rest and at peace in my minds eye. They are free from the troubles of this life, tornadoes, earthquakes, sickness, heartbreak and all the things we have to deal with. They are at rest.

    When I cry, I ask myself if my tears for them or for myself? We cry when we lose loved ones because we will miss them. Are our tears for a loved one who died after a battle with cancer because he or she is now free from the pain? I doubt that.
    Whether we mourn them for a week or a decade, the death of those we love should remind us that life is not about duration, it’s about donation. We are more likely to remember those who made a positive impact on our lives more than those who didn’t. However many years we spend here, we should live knowing that this world is not our home. Our journey will end someday. God help us.

  37. nicole

    May 27, 2011 at 9:59 am

    very sad article.u ve all said it.even the Bible says,we shld mourn the death as much as we can but we shld remember dt we have to move on,today was his/her own day,2morrow might be ur turn. .sorrows only last for the nite but joy comes in the morning.

  38. kiz

    May 27, 2011 at 10:26 am

    sad, but its the truth! we get so caught up with everyday activities that we forget….not intentionally though

  39. amaqqs

    May 27, 2011 at 11:10 am

    We are alomost all basically saying the same thing. That’s the way life is meant to flow. Anyone who has lost a loved one will relate with what almost appears to be physical heartache at the time. But we all move on with the business of living. That’s why we must try to make the most of the time we all have together. Regrets are the worst…..
    So yeah, we remember our loved ones who have passed on and as the years go by, the tears turn to laughter and smiles as we go back to our memory banks and dig up the good times.
    What I took away from my Dad’s death is that someone might be here today and gone tomorrow. I try as much as possible not not postpone reaching out to my loved ones.
    And oh, btw, fantastic article!

  40. libra

    May 27, 2011 at 11:26 am

    Its one thing to loose someone close to,another thing to forget them easeily but its worse when you can feel them everywhere you go, even in your dreams . Every time you hear their name,tears keeps rolling down your eyes uncontrollably and every plans,laughter and quarrels you picked with them flashes through your mind,reminding you of their last act on earth.It really takes years to heal cos everyday i keeping on praying for the strenght to carry on and i always wish for the day to quickly end so i can quit saying am fine thank you when i know its the opposite.Miss you oscar mcdubus

  41. bcgeorge

    May 27, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    Hmm, life oh life, a very nice colleague of mine died sometimes last year as a result of a multiple accident she was involved in. To cut the long story short, everyone, from the MD to the cleaners cried in the office (except me, quite weird but i never cried for anything or anyone since I lost my grandma, sleeping next to me when I was just 14 yrears old. Sometimes, I still think it was a dream).

    Back to the story, she’s so close to the MD that we thought he was going to send us back home to mourn her properly but alas, she only got one minute silence, a prayer here and there and that was it.

    By lunch break, a couple of hours later, the boys were already talking football while gurls(her very close pals o!) were seen checking the latest edition of TRUE LOVE(I saw them live). On her one year remebrance, no one even noticed, not even her departmental colleagues.

    I guess such is life.

    RIP ENIOLA ALATISE, one of the best colleagues I ever had. I Still reach out to your fiance sometimes.

  42. Mo

    May 31, 2011 at 2:51 pm

    This piece just makes me sober. my immediate younger brother passed away seven years ago and its shocking the way our relatives (both mum and dad’s) never talk about him. Its almost as if he never existed yet he was 19 when he passed!!!

    He was a very bubbly guy who had so many friends and the bitter truth is that all those ‘friends’ just disappeared except for one whom he wasn’t really close to. And thats d part that always gets to me. This guy has kept a steady flow of communication in the last seven years he visits my family (as recently as last weekend) even though he doesnt have to. Its just sad the way people just moved on when a loved one passes….

  43. Babe

    June 1, 2011 at 8:25 am

    Great article. Thats the thing about death, I dont think you can ever completely get over the death of a loved one, butyou get used to it.Its a coping strategy. The daunting thing about it is that even though it seems our world has stopped spinning, time will not stop for us to mourn. Sooner than later, people will go on with their lives, as if nothing ever happened.
    Such is life, no one can truly mourn forever. When you lose someone you care about, a piece of you dies too. But we forge ahead, we try everyway possible to heal the hurt inside. We look unto God because He alone can mend replace that lost piece.

  44. Tonia O

    June 1, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    This is so touching!

  45. Nikki

    June 2, 2011 at 5:09 am

    wow…this is so sad,brought tears to my eyes, short of words @ d moment… and it’s the most touching article i’ve read on bella naija so far.

  46. beatuifull

    June 3, 2011 at 9:32 am

    Yeah…touching innit?I lost a dear friend of over 21years in April,on good friday.At first I thought that I too would die of heart break…If only tears could wake the dead.I find solace in the fact that she was a wonderful young lady with the heart of an angel,and she had the most gorgeous smile!I was sad for days…couldn’t eat,couldn’t even sleep in my room.As the days go by,I feel a new strength in me.I don’t think we forget,we just have to carry on.Life is afterall for the living.Rest in Peace Ijeoma Gladys Ofonagoro,may we never forget.

    • T

      June 11, 2011 at 10:00 pm

      @beautiful…for me, Ijeoma’s death is still all a bad dream. SUcks big time. I lost my sis (only sis) 6 + years ago. Till today, I still dream about her at least 3ice a wwk. It hurts bad. But at her last anniversary, I wrote a letter to her..telling her that I had let go and released her. No more having denial symtoms and wishing she would be coming back cos in actual fact, she is gone and gone for good. When people don’t talk about the dead., it’s not always cos they have forgotten them. For mt family, they never talk about her cos the hurt is till very much there for them so they just grieve in silence….death hurts. Death hurts bad…very baaaaddddd…..

  47. EUCK

    June 5, 2011 at 8:11 am

    Hmmm…….I’m still trying to find the words. Thanks for this article TJ. Could not have come at a better time. I lost a very very close friend of mine exactly 4 weeks tomorrow. Had known him for 20 years. He was that friend that everyone thought we were dating and would end up together but we were just “fronting” with this “friendship” tag. lol…..When news of his death came in at the end of the day, I thought it was a cruel joke because that very Monday morning he was checking up on me to see how I was doing because I was not feeling too well over the prior weekend. During the course of our relationship, we had on and off periods where we wouldn’t speak for a bit. So TJ I can definitely relate to the little misunderstandings. Thankfully this was a period where we were good. Anyways, The first 2 weeks I couldn’t think about him without crying. Now I feel I’m more in a period of denial (or am I forgetting? 🙁 ). I know he is gone, but it just feels like one of our “off” periods. Maybe when we don’t speak in about a year or his birthday comes around, I would then get that he is not here anymore. I can’t bring myself to delete his BB contact or phone numbers and I read through our chat history and laugh. Still feels like it’s a dream……

  48. Nomy

    June 6, 2011 at 4:18 pm

    and how true! That’s how it works, 1st you feel unbelievable pain, then lingering sadness, then u move on and the person becomes and occasional memory. I won’t go further till i write, Papa i still miss you, i still love you, you are an occasional memory but every thought of you no matter how occasional saddens me and makes me wish you were still here, i have moved on but i will never move past you, you are with me always!

  49. gshhhu

    June 7, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    and how true! about a sad story

  50. Ulo

    June 8, 2011 at 4:52 pm

    indeed may we never forget o God.

    Not many had his giant build, or the heart of gold within it
    the memories are not as vivid, nor the thoughts as frequent
    but each times they come, the thoughts of love are sure
    You’re loved always – Allen Dangabar.

    • his best friend

      August 15, 2011 at 2:35 am

      true my dear. it still hurts.

    • nace

      March 27, 2012 at 12:07 pm

      its still hard ulo. two years,,,,,,,,,,,, still hard…………

  51. Ulo

    June 8, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    And thanks TJ. This article hurts, but it does its job – It makes us remember…… it forces us to remember. But in all, God is good. He makes us and He calls us. I only wish one could hook up with the “called” occasionally………. on facebook preferably.

  52. awe

    June 9, 2011 at 11:19 am

    TJ!!!!….u r d best!!.i’v said it b4 n i’ll say it again!…thought provoking…an emotional..sobs

  53. BrownSugah

    June 10, 2011 at 12:44 pm

    I have read articles here before on bella naija and never really felt compelled to write till now. This is so, so , so touching and too sad……..

  54. Godlovesme4me

    June 10, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    The fact that we still remember them even though its become not as frequent as it used to be means they will neva be forgotten and will always be loved.

  55. pat

    June 11, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    very sad indeed

  56. Luluvich

    June 12, 2011 at 9:39 am

    Truly hits a nerve……….glad that i read it.

  57. uju

    June 18, 2011 at 11:47 am

    this is so though provoking…

    • uju

      June 18, 2011 at 11:48 am

      thought

  58. shay

    June 26, 2011 at 6:18 pm

    quite touchin really

  59. TebOy

    July 19, 2011 at 2:11 am

    wow, its not easy at all. And i fear the same thing too. May be its true, time heals not just wounds but memories as well. am scared!

  60. oyinda

    August 2, 2011 at 9:28 pm

    moving article.
    reminds me that evri second counts and the kind of influence i want to have on people
    love while you can and be good to pple.
    life’s too short

  61. hida

    March 8, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    I have never commented on bella naija ever, but this article really struck home for me. I lost one of my best friends ever about 4years ago. what mades it worse was the fact that she was 5months pregnant at the time. we had not talked in a while and i kept wishing i could turn back the hands of time. i could not think of her without crying for weeks. i have only went to see her parents once after she died it may sound terrible but i cant go back to her house cos that was where i spent most of my days sharing tales and my troubles with her. I couldn’t even tell her parents i was getting married 3 months after she died cos i felt it would look like i was rubbing my happiness in their face. i feel guilty about but i cant really bring myself to go see them. i still think about her and remember her birthday.

  62. nace

    March 27, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    if only dey could read this…………… miss u ma besti. miss u so so. remeber wen we talked about death and kept asking who will go first. u said u r not sure. and u kept wondering wat it was like after leaving this world. nw u r dere, i wish u could tell me. i believe u r happy. i can only wish…………..

  63. oketch

    March 13, 2013 at 5:56 pm

    Yes it’s very bad when we forget people who were once so close to us but what good is it to them and us to remember them.
    My point is that we shud remember them but with some limitations because as we all know., LIFE has to go on.

  64. oketch

    March 13, 2013 at 5:59 pm

    Btw your stpry is very touching I understnd everything you say because i went through the very same experience.. Jus weeks ago.
    We move on. There is nothing we can do.

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