BN Hot Topic: Rules of Engagement

Calling all readers! Calling all readers! As always I need your help to sort a rather ‘hot’ matter that has just landed on my lap and is threatening to eat away the fabric of my black leggings.

Initially, on my publishing schedule for this week, I didn’t have anything planned under the BN Hot Topic Feature. But after the 47 minutes and 43 second international phone call I’ve just had with my friend Bunmi, my head was buzzing and the only thing I could do after was write.

Believe it or not, this matter I am about to bring to your attention started 2 years ago, while I was on Holiday in the States and I visited my friend Bunmi. At the time, she had just started seeing this new guy called Emeka. On one of my visits to see Bunmi, I took along a friend Stella, and it turned out that Emeka and Stella were in the same primary school years ago. We all chatted about primary school and I thought nothing more about the matter. As time went on Bunmi and Stella, since they lived in the same State, became close friends, so much so that I haven’t heard from either of them until this matter escalated to the point of combustion.

6 months into her relationship with Emeka, Bunmi called off the relationship and started seeing Stella’s cousin, Alfred. The relationship was doomed from the start and was over within a matter of weeks. At which point, Bunmi decided to see if there was any possibility that Emeka might still have feelings for her, he didn’t. They decided to remain friends, although Bunmi secretly hoped he would forgive her and change his mind. All the while, Stella remained Bunmi’s confidant and a shoulder to cry on anytime she wanted to complain about how much she missed Emeka.

Fast forward to a year later and Bunmi had moved on with her life and was dating someone else. On one of Stella’s numerous visits to Bunmi’s, she mentions that she bumped into Emeka a few weeks earlier and went out for drinks with him. She asks Bunmi if she minds and Bunmi says she doesn’t. She goes on about how a lot of time has passed between herself and Emeka and how she is over him. Less than two weeks after this conversation Emeka and Stella became an official couple and after dating for almost a year, Emeka is planning to propose. This is where I come in.

Although, I had been aware about the whole couple switching going on, neither of them had actually kept in touch with me, apart from the once-in-6 months poke on Facebook. So you can imagine my surprise, when I heard my phone ring and saw the name Bunmi US flash on the screen. At first, I assumed it was a friendly catch up call, not until I picked up and heard the person on the other line sobbing. Apparently, Bunmi is furious with Stella and they haven’t spoken in months. According to her, she feels that Stella betrayed her by dating Emeka and actually suspects that that was the initial reason she became friends with her- to ‘steal’ Emeka. I pointed out that she gave Stella permission to date Emeka, and if she was so bothered about it she shouldn’t have done so in the first place. To which she replied, that she had only done so to be the bigger person and didn’t want to seem petty. She also admitted that she didn’t realize things would work out between them and assumed that the relationship would be over in a few weeks. When she realized this was not the case, she confided in Stella, about how awkward the whole thing felt and how she thought it may affect their friendship. Unfortunately, Stella saw things differently and reminded Bunmi that she and Emeka had actually dated in primary school. So technically, she had dated Emeka first. That was the last time they ever spoke.

As Bunmi narrated her tale to me over the phone, I couldn’t help but wonder what my response or responsibility in the matter should be. From Bunmi’s tone, I couldn’t help but suspect that she felt I had something to do with the whole thing. Perhaps, she resents the fact that I brought Stella to her house two years ago or that she allowed herself to get close to Stella. Luckily, we got cut off before I had to make a comment one way or the other.

As I write, I am yet to figure out who really is to blame in the matter. Do I have any fault, in taking Stella to visit Bunmi? Should Bunmi never have given her permission to Stella to date Emeka? But did she really ever have the right to withhold or even give permission in the first place? Did Stella break any unspoken rules of friendship by dating Emeka? Should she have known that your friends’ ex is forever off-limits? Or is Emeka here the cause of everything; of all the women in the world, couldn’t he have picked someone else? But even more generally, is dating your friends’, sibling’s, cousin’s ex, wrong? If it is, why? Can we really blame anyone for where they find love?

I can’t wait to read your views! Let’s analyse!!!


207 Comments on BN Hot Topic: Rules of Engagement
  • Someone June 10, 2011 at 11:13 am


  • Sick&TiredofDoubleStandards! June 10, 2011 at 11:15 am

    REally!!!!…your friend Bunmi just needs to chill and be somewhat happy for them, coz really if she gave Stella her blessing, then so be it, abi?!….we girls shaaaa

    1st to comment – may i add….*GRIN*

    • My 2 cents June 12, 2011 at 12:38 pm

      Not so fast! someone commented b4 u……….sowiiiii 🙁 LOL!

  • TAMA June 10, 2011 at 11:17 am

    nice write up
    makes lots of sense

    • TAMA June 10, 2011 at 11:35 am

      well didnt finsh writing.I have personally experienced such, and wat i concluded is God has a way of making pple meet..
      Gods plan maybe was to make Bunmi study Emake so that Stella wont have issues wen dey finally marry….

      • yoma June 10, 2011 at 8:20 pm

        hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah….you sef wise nd cunning in a very interesting kind of way o

      • teeny June 13, 2011 at 11:10 am

        Nice try at being FIRST!!! But still e no work! LOL! Wetin we no go see for BN? Moovinnggg onnn…..

      • Ada babe June 20, 2011 at 6:03 pm

        Even though it will really hurt me to see my friend date my ex, bt den wat can i do abt it, we can neva really bl*ame pple for whr dey find luv

  • Nutella June 10, 2011 at 11:19 am

    Hmmm…chics and unending drama!!! Well, she said she was over Emeka, so technically speaking…she should’t be griping. BUT why date your friend’s ex? Of all the men in the world?
    PS: you need to pay more attention to your article before you publish it. The word “ex” is missing from the third to the last line. Interesting read.

  • chichi June 10, 2011 at 11:24 am

    abeggie,dont bash your head about it,it was her call…and apparently she had moved on!!truth be told,it would definitely hurt,but then again…such is life!!And LMAO @stella’s comment about her dating emeka in primary school!

  • Bukky June 10, 2011 at 11:30 am

    Bunmi needs to get over herself. She broke up with him and had even dated after him. If he had dumped or cheated on her or they’d broken up on really bad terms, *maybe* she’d have a case.

  • ibukun June 10, 2011 at 11:30 am

    Hmm! you have no blame at all there was no way you could ever imagine things to turn out the way it did. And for Emeka even if they had dated in the womb, for the mere fact that the two girls are now friends he should have looked else where, guys for you, if it were to be the other way round all hell would have let loose.

    Stella you betrayed the law of friendship for God sake why your friends ex ? not nice at all.

    Above all in life and the real sense of it, is very unfair. Let Bunmi move on without looking back Emeka just proved he didn’t deserve her, period.

    • oluchye September 21, 2011 at 2:48 pm

      well i will not blame stella at all. Bummi caused the problem for herself. let her bear the pain and stick to one person. let her stop double dating. Also there is nothing like betrayal here.

  • Aibee June 10, 2011 at 11:32 am

    Hmmmm! I think Bunmi is being a dog in a manger, if you ask me. For whatever reasons, she broke up with Emeka and then when the relationship with Stella’s cousin didn’t work out, she tried to go back to her ‘vomit’. That’s totally wrong in my opinion. She should just pick up the pieces of her ‘self-broken’ life and move on. Wishing Emeka & Stella a blissfull union (in advance!) As for you Glory, you can’t beat yourself up over other people’s self induced heartache. ‘Twasn’t your fault you introduced them and started this whole love triangle in the 1st place!
    Dare I say 1st?

    • Darey009 October 31, 2011 at 1:22 pm

      exactly!its bunmi’s fault from the word “go”!there’s nothing wrong in a guy dating the friend of his ex as long as he was not the one who broke the to silly bunmi and tell her to move on&if she finds a great guy,she should not repeat history

  • carol June 10, 2011 at 11:35 am

    hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…to be sincere..the whole things is like a childs kindergarten play ground story….personally i think the person in the wrong here is bunmi…had her relationshi with alfred worked out, she wouldnt have thrown her toys oura the pram about stella and emeka`s relationship…however because it didnt she is now SINGLE!!!!!!!!…and cant be the thought of seeing stella get married..BAD BELLE NO GO KILL PEOPLE…verdict: BUNMI GUILTY!

  • Nutella June 10, 2011 at 11:36 am

    ..And no, Gloria, you are not to blame for taking your friend along to visit Bunmi.

    • Olorogun Badowski June 15, 2011 at 7:23 pm

      Errmm…check your spelling, her name’s Glory, not “Gloria”

  • Omalibaby June 10, 2011 at 11:38 am

    Quite frankly, I do not see any problem with Stella and Emeka dating. That whole “you-cannot-date-my-ex” mentality is so high school. The fact the that she and Emeka has no valid basis whatsoever. Clearly, Stella and Emeka’s relationship is going somewhere so Bunmi should be happy for them and wait for her own.

  • CC June 10, 2011 at 11:40 am

    Lol @ ‘dated in primary school’…

    • mj June 10, 2011 at 3:29 pm

      i’m still laughing at that remark. Dated in Primary School keh. can she really say that with a straight face? she doesn’t sound very bright sha. anyhoo. both girls are wrong. 1) dont date your friends ex 2 2) if you’re not comfortable with it, dont tell your friend its ok for them to date ur ex. 3) MOVE ON!

  • Ekene June 10, 2011 at 11:40 am

    An interesting read. I don’t understand how Ladies mind work. For me, the only crime Stella committed is not telling Bunmi on time the real state of her relationship with Emeka. I believe she even has a right to date her friend’s ex. Friends will surely quarrel over it, guys do too, but where our heart is cannot be jeopardize to a petty friendly disagreements.

  • faith June 10, 2011 at 11:44 am

    nobody is to bame…bunmi shuld try n accept things…

  • faith June 10, 2011 at 11:44 am

    blame i mean…

  • akudo June 10, 2011 at 11:54 am

    really there is nothing wrong with datin ur friend’s ex, it is just that we being humans, especially women can’t help but be miffed when someone we know starts dating our ex and God help us if it starts working out well, much more when we had expected the whole thing 2 fizzle out in a matter of weeks. but in Bunmi’s case, she should stop whinning, after all she jilted Emeka to date Stella’s cousin and she also gave Stella permission to go out with Emeka, it’s unfortunate that things turned out well for Emeka and Stella. she should just dust her life and move on, and hey afterall Stella met Emeka long before she ever did…………..

  • bluebubbles June 10, 2011 at 11:56 am

    First?I’ll be back to comment.

  • awe June 10, 2011 at 11:56 am

    first!!!!(in a not so girly scream)…i strongly blive this thing started b4 stella told bunmi…bt stella n emeka r not at fault,its not wrong to find love. they probably liked each oda for a loooong tym and if bunmi was observant she wulda noticed…anywayz bunmi suld mooove on…

  • Sally June 10, 2011 at 11:57 am

    Yays FIRST

  • Kerosene June 10, 2011 at 11:59 am

    It’s a difficult situation..I can’t wait to read the views on this topic..
    *I can’t see any yet*

  • Baby Uno June 10, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    Abeg Bunmi should wake up and smell the coffee instead of raining on Stella’s parade. Mscheew!

  • bluebubbles June 10, 2011 at 12:02 pm

    For me it seems awkward dating a friend”s ex.But we cannot really figure out where or whom we can fall in love with.Though as hard as it might seem,I think that the best thing for Bunmi to do is to wish the couple well and move on because its clear that its over between her and Emeka.Being together is something that should come naturally and if he doesnt want to be with her she shouldn’t force it or cry over split milk.She has no right to give Stella permission because its not like Stella snatched her bf.she wasnt dating Emeka when Stella moved in so its best for her to move on and go find her own better half.

  • NEE June 10, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    You are not to blame in this…..

    There’s nothing Bunmi can,would have or should have done about Emeka and Stella’s relationship.

    2 years ago!!!!
    Bunmi SHOULD however, get over herself.


    I’ts no one’s fault where they find TRUE LOVE.

  • veracus June 10, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    I dont think there is anything wrong in dating your friends ex cus we never know where we can find love and happyness in a relationship may be in that your friend ex,you will find all what you are looking for in a partner and you cant sacriface your happeness just for one person sake common.

  • DDQ June 10, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    Please tell Bunmi to get over herself, it was over with Emeka before he and Stella got involved plus Stella was nice enuf to ask even though she really didnt need to

  • VirtuousKelly June 10, 2011 at 12:16 pm

    This is just a muddled up something.

    My opinion and sincere advice is this: For your sanity and rest of mind please stay out of it. The two ladies had their own friendship going on after the whole introduction thing and kept you out of the gist in-between so why involve you now?

    Bunmi is clearly upset. If she were in a serious relationship/quarter to get engaged/married relationship her feelings will be different. Especially if the so called age syndrome is affecting her (Not trying to be mean here just being real)

    Whether Stella should have stayed off Emeka: I do not really know. I mean from what I read Stella was at least open about the fact that she had gone out for drinks with Emeka and there was something brewing. Some ladies will not do this and will wait till the invitation card is out so at least she tried.

    Whether or not ex’s or siblings or family members are off dating limits between friends depends on the relationship the so called friends have. I can not date any of my friends brothers I personally just feel it will be awkward. Some friends may not mind and its all good. However we can’t really blame anyone for where they find love as long as it is not done with spite and is done within reasonable limits. By reasonable limits I mean: For example if my father is single and my friend and my father begin an affair to me personally that has gone over reasonable limits…Biko the babe should find love else where….

    Anyway that’s my own £1 on the issue.

    • Kemchi June 10, 2011 at 6:15 pm

      Yup, very true. If she were engaged or married she won’t be stressing herself out like this. My dear tru talk about the age thing too, u’re not being mean at all.
      I know what it feels like something similar happened to moi. Bunmi needs to get over herself and get on with her life. Emeka is clearly not her missing rib!

  • Bella June 10, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    Glad to be first. Yayy!!!!!!

  • D June 10, 2011 at 12:20 pm

    Bunmi should PRAY.either for her own man to come or that if Emeka is her missing rib, the marriage/engagement must not hold. Extreme right? well such is life! who knows whether the sole purpose of stella’s friendship is to have emeka back who knows! We ladies should be careful who we call our friends!

  • Bella June 10, 2011 at 12:20 pm

    Wow, this situation is really complex.

  • Ronkus June 10, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    Lol… Bunmi plix move on if u like cry from now till next yr Emeka is gona propose to Stella. There’s id no point crying ova spilled milk joor brace up cos shit happens. Dnt 4get u approved of Stella seeing Emeka. Twas kinda silly for her to av tot d rship btw Emeka and Stella wnt av lasted for so long…

  • Ronkus June 10, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    **is not id**

  • Alladdin June 10, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    i had a similar experience in d university where 2 close friends of mine started datin… fins didnt wrk out 4 them n dey parted ways. d girl been d one who caled it quit started distancin hersef 4rm me…d guy been ma very gud friend became closer 2 me 2 d pont we almost started datin… but i used ma head n knw it was wrong 2 date a friends ex n backed…down…fastforward 2 some yrs later…..we all r no longer friends….but am hapy i walked out from datin d guy….cos it wld hv soiled ma relationship wiv friends in future…

    point ben a friends ex is a no go area…dou it cud b difficult…

  • afolabi olabisi June 10, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    NO one is to be blame.In this case emeka has the right to date who he pleases nd i believe it a choice thing nd he has made is.BUNMI should move on wit life nd believe dat her man is coming 4 her nd stop crying over wat she can not get back.

  • Dee June 10, 2011 at 12:52 pm


  • Bukunola June 10, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    My view is Emeka was not married to Bunmi when Stella met him, so whats the biggie. As long as individuals are single, I don’t have a problem, I only have issues when the individuals are married and a third person is in the marriage.

  • Tyna June 10, 2011 at 12:57 pm

    phew!!! will comment later

  • Sassy June 10, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    Didn’t u mention that Bunmi dated Stella’s cousin as well? I guess if that had worked out she won’t have credited Stella for it. Since Bunmi took on the role of a bigger person by giving Stella her blessing to date her ex, she can do the same for the engagement or simply look the other way. Either way she doesn’t have a case !!!

  • Ronke June 10, 2011 at 12:59 pm

    My own opinion is that Bunmi has no right over Emeka,she left him for someone else. Stella did nothing wrong considering that she even asked Bunmi for permission(very funny). As for the writer i see no wrong in what u did….Just my opinion…Cos he is an ex doesnt make him off-limits..

  • Nana June 10, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    This is soo confusing

  • Mamma June 10, 2011 at 1:06 pm


  • partyrider June 10, 2011 at 1:06 pm

    my opinion:
    1.u had no fault in taking stella to visit bunmi,u are not a future teller to know this kasala will burst
    2.this thing about giving permission to date an ex NEVER ends least most of the time,if she knew she hadnt gotten over the guy(though she was pretending)she should have told bunmi.though it probably wouldnt have changed anything
    3.i personally think there are unspoken rules of friendship,and stella broke those rules.
    4.emeka really doesnt have a blame here,mainly cos she was the one who broke up with him,if it were the other way round,we could put a fault on him
    5.stella saying they dated first(in primary school oh..kmt) is just plain ridiculous and kinda shows that it wasnt about the mystery of finding love anywhere,but seems she actually got jealous and wanted emeka after the reunion.

    now the thing about dating a friends sibling or cousin’s ex is quite simple:it takes maturity on the part of the friend whose sibling u are dating to accept that fact.on the other hand,i once told my very good friend how she deserved someone better than my cousin but i told her d choice was still hers.i dont have time to be in d middle of a relationship.
    finally,Glory i understand u are friends with all the parties involved,but truly dont beat yourself up about it.,and dont feel guilty about anything.

  • eran iya June 10, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    U vnt done nytin wnrg nd in my opinion neither as Stella, its unfortunate for Bunmi dat tins played out dis way. She shld cut her losses nd move on, even if she cnt wish dem d best, for d sake of her own sanity she shld move on. A lot of us ve a problem lettin d past stay in d past

  • Abi June 10, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    hmmm …

  • nae-nae June 10, 2011 at 1:09 pm


  • Disbabe June 10, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    wow this is hot..First mistake she should have never said she was ok with them having drinks..Men dont see anything wrong with dating friends afterall its been over a year since he dated Bunmi. I personally dont date my friend’s ex they are totally off limit. Why would you want to date some one your friend has dated, shared so many intimate details about the guy with you. I am sorry but it is a stab in the back to do such. my two cents..

    • nae-nae June 10, 2011 at 1:28 pm


      • Ib June 10, 2011 at 4:50 pm

        me thinks both of u have beef that we, BN readers have no idea about…cos this your rubbish is very random..pls we have enough kindergarten shenanigans going on with Bunmi n Stella…

      • Jade82 June 10, 2011 at 6:49 pm

        Lol @ rubbish ….i agree oh
        Disbabe u heard the saying “One MAN’S meat is another MAN’S poison”…So when u see things like that the world is a little easier to understand.

        Everyone is different as for me anyone of my friends that marries my EX’S i wish them luck as in SPECIAL HAPPINESS; cos i know wetin i take my eye see for there……lmao

      • teeny June 13, 2011 at 11:14 am

        You are such a random person sha!!

  • Chocho June 10, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    First of all you cant blame Stella for falling in love with Emeka, Bummi in her big girl way waved it aside, off course she is done with him, if she respected him so much she wouldnt have thrown away their relationship in order to date Stellas cousin.
    My point is if you are done with him, be done with him, if your friend dates him, its either you are happy for her (cos she is happy) or you are happy for yourself (not being in her shoes). Leave you ex’s were they belong, in the PAST!!!!!
    Bummi in this situation doesnt only feels mad at Stella cos she thinks if she was still with Emeka she probably would have been wearing the ring. Am guessing she is not happy with the guy shes with now. Am so sorry for her cos she obviously wants to be with Emeka again!!!! I guess thats life, live it!!!!

    • Jade82 June 10, 2011 at 6:36 pm

      I agree 100% with ChoCho if ur done ur done leave the EX in the past… if a friend ends up marrying him which one be her own.

  • biola June 10, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    haha; double wahala ..its a doomed love triangle.obviously bunmi still has feeling for emeka. so even if emeka marries stella. he will still be sleeping with bunmi on the regular. Stay off your friends or relatives ex. how difficult is that

  • judith June 10, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    u cant ask love these three questions ,how? where? ,when? cus u cant predict it…………..first……….. wowwwwwwwwwwwwwww

  • Justino June 10, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    No one is to blame….Destiny always play put somehow…let everyone move on…Life z still so beautiful and should be enjoyed

    • Ada111 June 13, 2011 at 11:56 pm

      Don’t say that. it’s betrayal and you know it

  • deluvlee June 10, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    hmmmm this is a tough one…first of all remove your self from the whole thing you are not to blame in anyway ….but i am a firm believer in U SHOULD NOT DATE A FRIENDS EX….to me its just wrong especially if u were really close…as for a friend dating a family member dont really mind….BUT to contradict myself i really think sometime love in inevitable and no matter what some people are meant to be.

  • my day June 10, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    Love lives in strange places. It does not care about all these little twists and ironies. Stella did not master-mind her break up with Emeka so i dont see why Bunmi is holding a grudge against her friend’s happiness. Granted the situation between them will be awkward but if they can sit down (Bunmi and Stella) and really talk about the value they attach to their friendship first of all, before talking about Emeka and his relationship with Stella, a lot of bad blood would be cleared between them. As for you Glory, the unsuspecting match-maker, it is not your fault. Emeka is also blameless as far as i am concerned. Bunmi broke up with him. He did not leave her for Stella. At the end of the day, it is Bunmi who will decide how the whole fiasco ends. If she cant stand Stella anymore, she will have to be the person to forsake their friendship. If however, she really wants to be the bigger person, forgiving herself first and then wishing her friends well will endear her to her friends even more. She should open herself more to other possibilities. Maybe this is the time for her to do something productive about her passion/ hobbies/interests. Nothing succeeds in taking your mind away from something you love, like some other thing you love. Who knows she might meet someone who complements her better than Emeka ever did. Seeing Stella less often might also help. Amongst us women, our friendships last even longer when we savour the rare times we see each other as against always being in each others’ faces. Just my opinion.

  • Gracy June 10, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    hmmmm, ok, 1stli, Glory dear, u are safe, u have no fault taking Stella to Bunmi’s. , And Bunmi can be seen as a woman who felt she had a good grip of poor Emeka and let him go, thinking like a yo-yo he’ll storm rite back into her life, pity but true. As for Stella everyone knows that ur friends ex is a no-go area, cos really no matter how ‘alrite’ u think u are with it, there’ll always be issues. I dont blame Emeka sha, poor dude found wat he was looking for in Sokoto in his shokoto.
    My advice to them is to sit down together like adults and discuss things, fight fit bust, clothe fit tear, but things have to be made clear, Emex has to make it clear to Bunmi that his feelings for her are dead, unless its still dere, and Stella and Bunmi have to reconcile and hug each other even though we know they’ll never be as close anymore.

  • dews of keziah June 10, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    I’m sorry o, but bunmi let us hear word! When she had him longer throat took eyes else where. When she dated stella’s cousin alfred did stella complain? Glory, u rnt at fault in any way for taking stella with you. I’m sorry, bunmi lost out when the guy didn’t want her back. Remaining friends with him may not have been a good idea, c’mon she broke his heart I’m sure, during her selfish phase. She should sorry. After all stella did ask, out of courtesy, bunmi gave the go ahead. So what’s the problem? If at all anything stella should make you chief bridesmaid in her appreciation for hooking her and emeka up. If emeka still had feelings for bunmi, when she came back begging he would have taken her back. Simple. But he didn’t. Again, bunmi should sorry, and face the relationship she’s in. Glory, you did NOTHING wrong, abeg, don’t blame yourself. Stella, good for you! Shekena!

  • Ex-boy June 10, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    Interesting. First of all, Bunmi called off the relationship and started seeing Stella’s cousin, Alfred. By so doing, she broke the firt rule of the “Rules of Engagement” with Emeka.
    Secondly, she gave Stella her consent (whether or not she meant) to proceed with dating the Dude.
    Thirdly, She being Bunmi was in a relationship whilst she gave Stella her supposed consent. I most certainly do not think that Emeka is the cause of anything, rather he is a victim here. I don’t think anyone is to blame in the afroementioned matter. Bunmi needs to pipe down and be happy for Stella and stop acting as if she still has feelings for the dude.

    I wish Stella a good relationship.

    I am first isit.

  • mia June 10, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    First of all we all need God..With God in our lives all these things wont be a problem. No tears,no regret, no resentment,na da

    Me thinks that Stella is a very normal human being and I see no reason why Bunmi is jeopadising a friendship over a failed relationship…..Infact there is nothing to pin on Stella..Bunmi on the other hand needs to sort herself out…We ladies need to realise that nobody has time for our tantrums when we do the whole “I’m bored let me try something else out” move…nobody has time for are either in it or not…you love him or you don’t…why did she come back? God works in mysterious ways maybe He wanted Stella and Emeka to meet thru you and Bunmi…Emeka isn’t a bad person so why should Stella avoid him(or is he?)….My ex isn’t a monster! Things just didnt work out, so if my friend/sister/cousin now decides to date him and he rocks her world,i’ll be more than happy for her and even happier for him that him and someone can finally make sense…problem arises if the guy was horrible to you and you are looking out for your friend, even at that he may have repented and all u can do is be happy for them and take a lesson from the experience…….You are not to blame in any of this and you hve no absolutely no role in this, all you can do is pray for Bunmi to get sense and makeup with her friends (ex and friend) and live happily cos life is too short to start stressing over matters we have no control over…..Just cos someone is ur ex doesnt mean they can’t be my next…I used to be in that school of tot of not dating ur friends ex but trust me it really depends on alot of things….My friend has to give me solid reasons as to why I shouldnt date her ex and it should be for my own good not as a result of her insecurities,selfishness or ego…God bless.

  • nwando June 10, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    wow! This is worthy of a mexican soap opera, or super story. I can imagine how Bunmi feels about her ex getting with a supposedly close friend, especially within such a short period. I’m assuming she’s currently single as well. talk about rubbing salt on an open wound. Personally, I think Stella should’nt have gotten together with her friend’s ex, but since it has happened,she should move on. As you pointed out, she gave Stella permission to date him.
    Stela no try sha! what does she mean by,she dated him in primary school?

  • Gracy June 10, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    oh n yea, u guys can check out ma notes on fb, Bella crew, esp Glory n T.j pls i need ur evaluations, Grace Eye

  • MsLuffa June 10, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    Glory i think you should be rest assured that you did not do anything wrong. These are adults and they should take responsibility for their actions.

    Bunmi has a serious case of bad-bele. If she was married and settled she probably wouldn’t be beefing Stella, so she needs to get over it. If she was so sure Emeka was hers why was she philandering with Stella’s cousin – she can’t eat her cake and have it at the same time .

    By the way, Stella did her best to consider Bunmi’s feelings by asking her – although i can’t imagine she would have backed off if Bunmi had objected to the relationship. If Emeka is the one for her, then that’s the way it is… Bunmi needs to get over it. I also get the impression she’s in a dead end relationship, if it was promising she wouldn’t be crying over the spilt milk that is her broken relationship with Emeka.

    For real people need to be a bit more cautious about jumping in and out of relationships to avoid all these tangled love webs. I hope Stella is sure about Emeka, she needs to be careful she doesn’t find herself where Bunmi is now.

    At least these people are adults, i share a story of some kids who were in a similar situation at

  • Kémi Penélopê June 10, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    It’s like I am reading the story of my life…What a dilemma!!!
    However, Let’s be honest, we really can’t blame either Bunmi, Stella or Emeka. Personally, I totally blame ‘Fate’. What will be, will be.
    Stella was destined to cross Emeka & Bunmi’s path. So even if you hadn’t taken her (Stella) to visit Bunmi, Emeka would have still met her on the long run.
    However, Bunmi has a choice; she can hold on to the past and concurrently, run out of town the ‘beautiful future’ (present relationship) right in front of her. Alternatively, she can simply, let go and move on. It is Bunmi’s choice.

    You really can’t choose who you fall in love with, it just happens.

  • Nadael June 10, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    Bunmi needs to grow up! Inasmuch it’s not her place to ‘give anyone permission’ to date Emeka (seeing as she doesn’t own Emeka – it’s not like she was married to him), Stella did the ‘courteous thing’ and Bunmi is being childish. If the relationship between Bunmi & Alfred had worked out, would she be complaining? As far as you are aware, Bunmi chose to walk away from her engagement to Emeka & Stella did not see Emeka on the side when he was still in a relationship with Bunmi; so he was ‘fair game’. As long as his conscience was clear, why should Emeka look far and wide for happiness, when he could have found it with Stella (and actually did)? Primary school dating doesn’t really count as that would have been virtually centuries ago! Bunmi needs to move on; properly this time and stop acting like a child!

  • binta June 10, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    mee too dis also happened to me although my freind and her ex didnt last long and they were not intimate if u no wat i mean and we started dating yrs after and today we are happily married am telling you i dont and will neva regret making dat decisn cos true love comes once so wen dat opportunity comes ur way dont dull urself grab it!!!

  • bottoms up June 10, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    babes wen it comes to love we can never say. bunmi should pls look d other way n kip her distance, i no its hard but its d best right now.

  • signature June 10, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    hm! abeg, make bunmi bone that thing n just move on ooh! she had her chance with emeka and blew it, so sorry dear, hope u find someone better though…jare! pls post the engagement pics dear author, u hear! thnks!

  • dolapo June 10, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    i am really liking this. Soooooooo Stella and Bunmi have had sex with each other and with Emeka. This is great!!!!!! See that is why you dont date ur friends ex!!!!!!!!!!! You kinda ,sorta , woulda had sex with each other. ewwww.

  • BC June 10, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    Nice one Gloria.

    OK. This is what I call “old firewood.” In this case, Stella and Emeka. Just add a little kerosene and you have a blazing fire. Old friends are the best. Stella has a childhood bond with Emeka that Bunmi lacks. It can be challenging to find a man you have something in common with, especially in the States. So Stella and Emeka running into each other brought back old and dare I say fond memories. They are more likely to have a true friendship on which a courtship/marriage can be built than his relationship with Bunmi. Bunmi should realize this and move on. Stella and Emeka have history together. Their conversations I am sure are more fun and intimate because of this. If it is in God’s plans that they should be together, there is nothing anyone can do.Morover, Stella gave Bunmi a heads up. Did she even need to since they have been known each other for so long? I wish Emeka and Stella and best. Bunmi, find your own.

  • tatafo! June 10, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    Eyaah, I feel for Bunmi because when she realized she made a mistake letting Emeka go, she did try to make things right with him. That’s the unfortunate gamble in love, once a person’s heart has left where you are concerned it is hard to get the person to come back. Glory, I would advise to encourage your friend Bunmi to let her feelings for Emeka go and try to heal and move on. One day, God will bless her with her own and she will thank God she didn’t try to patch up a broken relationship.

  • notaplayahater June 10, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    lol @ she and Emeka had actually dated in primary school. So technically, she had dated Emeka first.
    these women no serious jare! Bunmi should take a chill pill. e don do. dem don break up so e don pass! plenty fishes in the sea. duh!

  • Kémi Penélopê June 10, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    Hmm. I won’t underestimate ‘primary school’ dating…some people have ended up marry people they met in primary.
    I would add, Love is just funny thing…its cupid arrow can hit you anywhere. Trust me, anywhere.
    Hahahah Watch out!!! Abeg don’t try to dough am, it is going to hit you down there too. 🙂 🙂

  • ufedo June 10, 2011 at 2:32 pm

    Bunmi is just being a typical girl, keeping her vomit just in case she had to go back to get. Let that ish be cleared up already!
    No one’s to blame here. Bunmi needs to remember that everyman is someone else’s ex and if emeka wasnt proposing to stella, he would be proposing to another woman. She just needs to let him go and MOVE the FUCK on.

  • Rebel June 10, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    pls abeg!! bunmi should go and sit down somewhere! shes just jealous that things seem to be working out between her “ex” and her “friend”. she should not worry, she’ll find her own!

  • KIKI & COCO June 10, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    Lets be real here, were talking about people’s feelings. Bunmi is hurting, jealous and lonely. Shes probably not as mad about the actual relationship as she is about the fact that her friend ‘betrayed’ her confidence. Stella is someone she confided in when things were bad for her, she probably expected a bit more support from her friend, but instead she got asked for her permission to date this guy! What else could she have said?? Bunmi is HURTING, she shouldnt be blamed for that after all she is only human. She should however realize that the best thing for her to do is focus on the positive things in her life and eject the Negative (ie Stella & Emeka) and move on. Bunmi will probably continue to be the bigger person in this and find her own man. She was probably just venting to a friend and didnt expect to get judged by the whole BN world!

  • zugga June 10, 2011 at 3:00 pm

    Note to Bunmi:

    You know what they say….. Sometimes we play with love but when the time comes and we want to be serious, love plays with us!

  • Chibaby June 10, 2011 at 3:05 pm

    Bunmi is feeling the way she is because she herself is not married or engaged. She will get over it.

  • Zara June 10, 2011 at 3:23 pm

    Wait oh! Stella and Emeka dated while in primary school? How old were they then? Na wa oh! Little kids and dating hmmm.
    Anyway sha, I don’t see why Bunmi is getting angry at the whole thing. Emeka and Stella are two grown adults and should date whoever they please even dating each other. It’s not like Stella was dating Emeka while he was still with Bunmi. Bunmi should just find herself a man and move on with her own life.

  • amethyst June 10, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    this is what i always say about women. for me stella is just doing her thing even though it isnt rili nice and bunmi isnt far from being that.we all know that as women our x”es are of limits but still stella asked her and she said it was fine and thats carp,first of all if stella didnt think there was anything to it she wouldnt have asked at all,but then by bitch nature she did and if i was bunmi and i felt bad about it,i would have made it clear instantly.we all knoe tht messing with the EX is outta woman code,not bcoz theres any law its just not rite

    • tatafo! June 10, 2011 at 7:24 pm

      I agree, Stella knew she was in the wrong that’s why she asked Bunmi’s permission to justify her intentions.

  • slim girl June 10, 2011 at 3:25 pm

    i don’t figure out what is wrong with bunmi but for me stella was very considerate asking her if she could date emeka and bunmi left emeka not the other way …… so bunmi should stop sulking like a baby and get on with her life……………….. if her feelings for emeka were that strong she would have endured

  • jenny d genius June 10, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    Your friends ex is a no go area whether you like it or not.Its even worse when its a close friend that you at some point confided in when the relationship was good.dO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD LIKE THEM TO DO TO YOU.I would not be caught dead dating my close friend’s ex so i would not want that to be done to me.If it happens thats d end of our friendship.Those in support of bunmi i have a question for you:If you were in her shoes wont you feel betrayed?We all know that there is an unspoken rule of friendship which doesnt appreciate dating a close friend’s ex.Skikena.

  • lela June 10, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    Seriously Bunmi needs to get a life coz if she checks deep down she does not really have feeling for Emeka, its just because he is going to propose to someone else that’s why she’s feeling bad and to make things worst the person is a friend. look to future Bunmi your own go come.

  • tp June 10, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    I will just give u straight answers to your questions:
    Do I have any fault, in taking Stella to visit Bunmi? NO
    Should Bunmi never have given her permission to Stella to date Emeka? YES
    But did she really ever have the right to withhold or even give permission in the first place? NO
    Did Stella break any unspoken rules of friendship by dating Emeka? NO, BECAUSE SHE ACTUALLY KNEW HIM B4 MEETING HER
    Emeka here the cause of everything; of all the women in the world, couldn’t he have picked someone else? WELL, 1ST LOVE RARELY DIES
    But even more generally, is dating your friends’, sibling’s, cousin’s ex, wrong? NO
    If it is, why? Can we really blame anyone for where they find love?NO

  • partyrider June 10, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    most of you here are just crucifying bunmi..the chick is a human being with feelings..if not for anything,she confided in stella and told her everything she felt and had in mind concerning emeka and their getting back together..pls tell me you wont be hurt if you were in her shoes..the gal is HURTING! and its very much allowed to hurt esp when she feels betrayed..
    all the time she was confiding in stella,the stella chick was busy paving her way to emeka’s heart haba! theres hardly any1 who wouldnt hurt..
    however bunmi should move on with her life, focus on better things and better people and pray she finds her special man..

  • aosgrl June 10, 2011 at 4:07 pm

    bunmi nah bad belle. she made her choice with alfred now she should live wit it.

  • 9jaFoodie June 10, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    Hummm…water pass garri for this one oo. I think Bumi should let it go.

  • Temi June 10, 2011 at 4:15 pm

    lol @ first to date in Primary school.

  • neztorr C June 10, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    Bunmi thought she could eat her cake and have it, I have learnt that when it comes to the matters of the heart you have to go all out and fight for what you want(Love is Proactive) .Bunmi was so relaxed and hoped that ‘love will conquer All’..well, now she knows.
    I just hope Emeka isn’t using Stella as the rebound girl in other to spite Bunmi, because if he is , then Stella will eventually lose him and lose a friend. Bunmi should shoulder the blame!

  • Sassy Diva June 10, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    oh pleaseeeeee, everyone of us is someone’s ex and abeg stell and emeka should move on with their thingy if they are sure. If bunmi was dating someone or seriously involved, trust me she wouldnt have cared so pls…. as for bunmi you obviously did nothing wrong but brought two love birds together sopls Bella naija, post photos of their weddings on FB …ololoooollll pls all life goes on,

  • Yes it happens June 10, 2011 at 4:46 pm

    I will respond to this post because it seriously hits home… I have been in Stella’s shoes b4…told my friend life happened and i was becoming close to her ex and she was totally find with it. she was like that would be so cool…. etc.. and i was like oh.. she is fine with it.. just to realize she was not!!!. Then all the bad mouthing in the world to begin.

    I personally dnt see why my friend who is inlove wit my ex cant go ahead.. Cos as far as i’m concern it is all about finding compatible personalities and because my ex and i are not together does not mean he is a terrible person ( talking strictly about all my exs). My friend might totally be compatible with him so really no big deal.

    In my sad situation.. the guy was not over my friend.. so i quietly found my way out of the mess!

    My advice is.. tell you friend Stella not to be moved by anything she see… if Emeka loves her.. they should go ahead and get married! There is not rule anyways that you can marry your friend’s ex! Some ppl are really selfish in this world.. God help us allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!

  • PRINCESS June 10, 2011 at 5:12 pm

    Biko, in which law did it say dat u cant date ur friend’s ex. mayb u two became friends cos dat was d only way two pple meant to b would meet.abeg spare stella, bunmi shd move on afterall stella asked her permission. if she was not comfortable y did she give her consent.

  • Henrietta Arthur-Worrey June 10, 2011 at 5:33 pm

    This si a tough one but Bunmi needs to chilll sha.. abi she too she left emeka after 6 month and started dating Stella’s cousin and its not like stella went behind her back. But she asked Bunmi for permission somewhat. If Bunmi was not cool with it from the start, she should have just said so than under the pretense of trying to be the bigger one. I don’t think Bunmi should blame you Glory for bringing Stella her way when you went to visit. Things just happen I guess

  • June 10, 2011 at 5:46 pm

    Lol even though i wrote about something like this on my blog but abeg this is a different scenario, she didn’t mind when they started dating so why should she be mad they are getting married…her friend did nothing wrong jor.

  • Lola June 10, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    I don’t even believe that you feel this was worth discussing. Are you for real. This is so high freaking school. Bunmi did not want Emeka- she dumped him. Emeka does not like Bunmi, he likes Stella – case closed.

  • VIKKI June 10, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    There is no1 2 blame….Bunmi needs to tk a chill pill, @ d end of the day we don’t choose who we fall in love with!!! If Stella and Emeka had a secret relationship that would be an issue, however Stella did the ryt thing asking her friend if it was ok considering how much tym had passed!!!! I don’t agree with the concept that u shld never date a friends ex….it all depends on the friendship and the reason d 1st friend parted ways with the guy, if it was for something lyk cheating, beating or anything lyk tht then its a no go area…but in this case bunmi broke off the relationship, plus Emeka and Stella had been acquainted long before Bunmi came along…I conclude in sayin “Bunmi needs 2 get a grip..kmt!!!”

  • kiki June 10, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    Abeg!! This is not rocket science! Bunmi did not have any comments to make in the one year of Stella n Emeka dating, it is now when she has heard a proposal is brewing that her antena has come alive. Abeg! What is it if its not envy? She should get over herself n d other parties involved should stop wasting their time on unnecessary apathy. She simply can’t eat her cake n have it!

  • Kemchi June 10, 2011 at 6:25 pm

    Glory abeg leave all these people and their drama biko. So if Emeka was not planning on proposing to Stella, Bunmi would not have called you abi? Please continue poking yourselves on FB 🙂
    From d looks of it Bunmi wants to have her cake and eat it too. She broke up with Emeka ‘cos she thot she had found something better, only to discover that d grass is not greener on d other side.
    She pretty much made her bed so let her lie in it. If she hadn’t broken it off with Emeka, perhaps Stella would not have had any room to move in on him (whether dat was her plan or not). But as it is Stella is about to become Mrs Emeka, so pls Bunmi should be happy for them, and continue doing d bigger thing like she did when she said it was ok for Stella to date him, even tho she wasn’t happy abt it!
    Personally, I would not date my friends exes, but to each his own. Imagine if Stella passed on him just for that reason she would have passed up on her husband. I sure hope they’re trully in love and wish them d best.
    As sassy diva said, BN if ya happen to get pics of the d wedding, pls post jare so we can all do gbegborun 🙂

  • Jade82 June 10, 2011 at 6:32 pm

    I agree with “My Day”…..
    Bumni needs to let go and be the bigger person because she left Emeka; and am sure he asked to keep trying and she probably said NO.
    However, Glory, Stella and Emeka do not have any blame in this situation because things happen for a reason; as they say you “Meet People in Various Ways”.
    Stella is actually a good friend from the story because she knew Emeka since primary school and respected the relationship he had with Bunmi then. She never made any attempt to snatch the dude from her friend; and I give her credit for asking Bunmi if its okay and she said YES…..Do you know how many girls that won’t say a word and all you see is an invitation card or wedding site?….
    It’s a difficult situation because Bunmi probably thought Emeka will come back and they will have a fairy tale relationship but it didn’t happen.
    All I can say to Bunmi is try and suck it up…if you cannot be friends with them, then avoid being around them. Your own man might just be somewhere around the corner, maybe Emeka wasn’t for you; because if it was the WILL of God you would be the one getting the proposal…..
    Take heart and move on with ur life

  • ForeverYoung June 10, 2011 at 6:33 pm

    Talking from experience, no one can stop Bunmi from venting, she has more nights of tears. I had a similar experience, in my case, I was truly over my ex, infact thinking that I even dated him in the first place is giving me the “euggh”, but guess what? when I got to know, e pain me die. Unlike Stella, she didnt tell me, neither did my ex. I found out from a third party, way after the girl born pikin.
    I think for me it got to me because I introduced them, cos I wanted my ex to help the girl out, so I thot she should have at least mentioned it. And for my ex all the time he was dating her, he was still trying to get back with me, but my door was closed and still is. At some point I felt really bad that I left him, not cos I still loved/love him but cos of pity. Here was I trying to still show that I cared, which I really did, just wasnt into him like that, and he was doing all that behind my back I felt like a fool.
    Another thing, when I heard, I was single, having gone thru fustrating short lived relationships and the reality of the “senior girl” creeping on me, I was at a phase of blaming every possible thing for my situation. I even started believing someone was jazzing me up, no way I could have met that many guys and none panned out. I got over it easily cos I thot of why I didnt stay with him, and it was simple I didnt love him, and being with him was torture for me. Now I’m happier and in a very relationship of my dreams, in other words I have no regrets, absolutely nada.

    Bunmi, I have words for you, I dont think this is a case of love, I think as you are growing older and it’s getting tougher to meet good guys in the “Us” market, it’s normal that you are panicking. U r being tormented with “Senior girl” syndrome, u feel u r getting left behind, but sweetie, marriage is more that feeling left behind, u have to have some level of love, a solid foundation, it is work and if not started out right, turns into tomorrows regrets. Give urself time to heal, and begin to look for urs. It’s okay that you feel the way u do regardless of what pple say.
    As for Stella, i’m not going to judge her, I’m sure she has her reasons. I heard my ex say that he does not love my ex-girlfriend and it was a marriage of convenience, but he will try his best to take care of her, but wetin b my own, that’s what she signed up for.

  • ized June 10, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    well to be candid bunmi cannot just call it off with emeka just like that . If they had any issues they should have settled it immidiately the whole person to be blamed here is bunmi bcos if she was sensitive enough she would av recollected that Emeka n Stella once dated. So the thing is that Bunmi gave them her blessings.chkenah.

    Emeka is my name

  • ithink June 10, 2011 at 7:00 pm

    This would not have been a problem if Bunmi had a new man. but she is bitter that she is single and her ex is about to get married to her friend.
    sorry, your loss, move on.
    focus on improving yourself and then you will find a man.

  • mary007 June 10, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    I did not want to comment but I cant hold back, dating a man who has had something with someone close or related to you is a big NO, however those that they it know its never without drama for parties that know both women invovled with the man and in my experience a man like that will still talk to women within the same circle, trust me.

  • lola June 10, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    Honestly speaking, I dont see anything wrong in dating a friends ex as long as you are not the cause of their breakup neither did you contribute in anyway. One thing I believe is we never can tell how God would work. It could be that God has destined that Emeka and Stella would meet through Bunmi. My advice to Bunmi is that she should move on and you are not at fault in anyway. One more thing is that whether Bunmi had given her consent or not, if Emeka and Stella are meant to be they will be it would have just been a matter of time. Like Judith said, ‘ no one can predict these three questions , where would you find love? , when would you find love and how would you find love? No one can predict. No one knows except GOD.

  • missy June 10, 2011 at 7:30 pm

    Bunmi seems like a spoilt brat…abeg let her not put sand sand in stella’s garri….didnt she dump him for stella’s cousin? didnt she give stella permission? is she not dating another guy? how unfaithful can she be….she betrayed emeka and she is about to betray her current bf…Thank God her and stella are no longer friends because her ways donot seem straight to me!

    • missy June 10, 2011 at 7:38 pm

      lol what is this thing about your friend’s ex is out of bounds? abeg if my friend falls in love with my ex there is no biggie in shows that i am over him and i would wish them luck as far as he doesnt cheat on her

  • pinchiepinchie June 10, 2011 at 7:32 pm

    jeez theyare all silly…they are all to blame : emeka for dating his exs friend, stella for dating her friends ex and bunmi for approving stella semi-dating her ex…glory please do not give a rats ass about all this unnecessary drama, besides didn’t he know she dated stella’s cousin so she technically owes stella…hehehehhehe…..lwkmd

  • shineureye June 10, 2011 at 8:42 pm

    hmmmm…if one were to just look at the surface gist, tis easy to say bunmi shld go take a long walk off a short ramp. But being d devil’s advocate that i am, here goes my conspiracy theory…

    D whole saga was actually setup by stella, she wanted Emeka from d 1st..toadied up to bunmi and got the man.

    I know by stella’s closing line about having met and dated emeka first in primary sch!

    Unfortunately bunmi either didnt have strength of character or was too naive and fell for it hook, line and sinker cos tis quite telling dat she ditched emeka for stella’s cousin, who am sure stella must av introduced to her and played up as d best thing since bread and butter!

    oh well, too little too late bunmi…lesson learnt, smart up and move on. Goodluck with the next guy and be more careful wit new best friends!

  • Sharon June 10, 2011 at 8:45 pm

    Abeggi Stella is a bad person dating a friends X is absolute rubbish mschew @ Stella.

  • dami O June 10, 2011 at 8:45 pm

    the whole point is we cant question how fate decided to deal with us who knows maybe bunmi was destine to bring stella and emeka back together we cant question how God deals with us so bunmi should move on after all she is now in a relationship. No body is to be blame for all this…

  • NoWonderWoman June 10, 2011 at 9:01 pm

    Wow what a messy ness!!

    My comments follow…

    Gloria: Unsuspecting third party
    Charge: Reason for initiating the triangle
    Verdict: Guilty of spawning Stella/Emeka introduction, not guilty on any counts of wrong doing in relation to Bunmi/Stella fiasco
    Sentence: keep well away from this brewing inferno

    Bunmi: Insatiable non-committal self-overrated jilt
    Charge: Jilts lover for new friend’s cousin who barely lasts few months on her plate, encourages new friend and ex-boyfriend meanwhile, later found wanting and incensed at new friend and the blossoming relationship with her twice removed ex
    Verdict: Guilty of interference in other peoples matter, coercion of initiator, manipulation of evidence, breach of friendship agreement, misconduct in affairs, betrayal of word and trust, envy of praise worthy developments, avarice, and discontentment in all ramifications, not guilty of sober reflection and regret
    Sentence: Join e or other well-meaning dating website, your missing rib may well be waiting, leave Stella/Emeka alone, you let that bus pass you by and Stella simply hopped on and is headed to her destination

    Stella: Fortunate, well-positioned, cupid targeted belle
    Charge; Being at the right place at the wrong time (or is it wrong place at the right time)
    Verdict: Cautioned against seeking another person’s consent prior to dating and not God’s, not guilty of having wife worthy qualities pleasing to Emeka, not guilty of being the chosen for Emeka, not guilty of not being dumped by Emeka to take Bunmi back, not guilty not guilty not guilty!
    Sentence: Nothing do you, carry go jare and a happy and God centered wedded life to you two. Please share your wedding website…

    Emeka: Man of bilateral attention
    Charge: Being a man and having the world of options available (which includes Bunmi, Stella, Gloria, Stella’s female neighbor, Bunmi’s female gym instructor, Gloria’s female cousin, Emeka’s brother’s girlfriend’s sister, etc… the list continues)
    Verdict: No point passing a verdict – it’s a man world afterall
    Sentence; Just be a faithful and responsible husband if and when you both get there.

    Side note: please there are too few men available, to each (wo)man (her) own, and may the best (wo)man win! Women, please do not let a good man pass you by. Pray about it and God will convict you in which way to go.

  • lilian June 10, 2011 at 9:02 pm

    Glory you are not to blame. I guess Bunmi is hurt because it did not work out for her and emka, but then she even dated alfred stellas cousin. Whetever the situation i see it as destiny. otherwise emeka might have cheated on her or possibly impregnanted stella, now thats a dillemma, big one for that matter. Its hard darling bunmi but move on and the good Lord will bring your divine spouse to you.

  • tru talk June 10, 2011 at 9:35 pm

    two things went wrong you introducing stella to bunmi and bunmi breaking up(degrading, and thats cos the fool gave her a chance) with Emeka. aint saying you guilty but atleast you are part of the whole wahala.

  • Banke June 10, 2011 at 9:50 pm

    Reason why i don’t keep too many close friends have lots of acquaintances but not real friends in case of situation like this which don’t make sense. its hard for me to fall for someone so in case i do its goin to be dat of an acquintance not true friends. Anyway bunmi should really move on i know it hurts becos u really dont have anything against emeka to have left him n the fact that she never thought stella n emeka relationship will amount to nothing but now leading to marriage its unbearable for her. well let her vent her anger shes heartbroken n she ll get over it its just a matter of time.

  • Banke June 10, 2011 at 9:54 pm

    one last thing stella was really not a genuine friend to begin with. or maybe she thought she never has feelings for emeka anymore since it was sooo primary school romance but u knw sometimes our heart do play tricks on us. Goodluck to everyone sha i think you on the other hand brought fate together n wat ll be will be..LOL

  • lols June 10, 2011 at 9:55 pm

    hmmmmmm………bunmi is probably upset at the fact that stella and emeka’s relationship worked out and its leading to a marriage… me if stella and emeka dated and broke up and bunmi later found out she won’t be this pissed off.

  • \elly June 10, 2011 at 9:55 pm

    Bunmi called the relationship and started dating stella cousin Alfred. Well that is enuf reason 4 stella \to date him

  • anidiv777 June 10, 2011 at 9:57 pm

    here’s wat i think, i dont think its ok for stella to date her friends ex buh considering the fact that she asked for bunmi’s permission…den she has done no wrong to bunmi.Bunmi should understand that she left this guy for someone else so i dont get wat she is on about???…and u didnt do anything wrong by introducn dem to each oda…and how come its wen ‘kasala’ don burst that ur friend remembered ur number…is she expecting u to put a stop to d blossoming relationship…pls advice her to get a grip of herself and move on…as a friend once said,Guys are like a moving bus. When u miss 1,another wil surely come by.

  • sery June 10, 2011 at 10:08 pm

    It would be nice to say Stella should have held the ‘rules’ sacred but the truth is this is life. Bunmi’s tenure with Emeka has ended, she should put a fullstop there. She’s probably upset because she hasn’t found someone to spend the rest of her life with. I don’t see any crime here. It’s ok for Bunmi to be hurt for a while but she should also take in good faith. She should move ahead and make a conscious effort to rid herself of bitterness towards them. They haven’t cheated her in any way.
    If a friend of mine fell in love with my ex and they’re in a serious relationship and want to settle down together, I don’t think I’ll be terribly upset about it. Who am I to say they shouldn’t have a future together just because I dated him and she’s my friend? I guess everybody’s different. Bunmi should open her heart and not harbour hate or malice because that’ll only give her insonmia, hypertension and probably make her age faster. Her own mr right will come, and when he does, her heart had better be open to receive him or else she’ll genuinely lose out. As for this chapter, she should close it.

  • Yellow Jacket June 10, 2011 at 10:16 pm

    In general, it’s probably not the best to date your friend’s ex-boyfriend, but it’s not wrong! especially if it’s not your best friend/known each other your whole life/pretty much sisters. Now if it was your friend’s ex-husband, it’ll be a different ballgame.

    Also, Bunmi is the one who broke up with Emeka. It would be different if Emeka cheated on, misused, and dumped Bunmi. In that case, it would be stupid to date a guy who you know possesses such qualities.

  • mamav June 10, 2011 at 10:18 pm

    What is all these drama about. Pls – happens, u should all move on

  • dark Knight June 10, 2011 at 10:31 pm

    Hey, if you snooze you lose,
    Please ladies make up your minds about what you want.
    Someone else might just take your property, so leave the childishness. I think somethings are meant to happen, so bunmi needs to get over it, pick her face off the floor and next time be more direct about what she wants. I am happy for stella an emeka, or whatever their real names are.

  • Molicious June 10, 2011 at 10:50 pm

    Lmao, seriously!!!! Okay sorry I laughed but it’s clear that Bunmi is just mad that Emeka is getting married before her, if it were me, I would be pissed too; even though we’re ‘friends’ but for real Bunmi needs to GET OVER IT!!!! As far as I’m concerned, no body is off limits o, except they are married/engaged, until then, everybody’s fair game (don’t hate the playa) cause really everyone has an ex and if that ex so happens to be a friend, oh well. I mean Stella sought Bunmi’s blessings so what is the problem?!!! No body is right or wrong here, if you didn’t introduce them, they would have connected eventually. Bunmi is just hurt and was looking to vent, it’s hard and it sucks but life is too short to cry over spilled milk . SO my advise, Bunmi put on your big girl pants, make up with the couple (hard as it may be), get yourself a fabulous outfit and show up at the wedding looking like a stunna, you never know you might be meeting your husband there, am just saying…

  • fenty4eva June 10, 2011 at 11:31 pm

    As for me o! My girlfriends are very important to me bcos men are ALL dogs! n when i say ‘girlfriends’ family is inclusive. EVERYBODY in dis situation is to blame, apart from the writer of course bcos there ws nothn wrong with u introducing Stella n Bunmi to each other. As for Emeka, he sounds like a very stupid guy or he probably has no experience whatsoever with women, but who are my kidding, most men are naturally stupid n have no sense!
    Ladies! Ladies! Ladies! one thing a girls should know is that you must never! n i repeat NEVER! fight over a man! Trust me if it was the other way around n it ws two guyz involved, they would sure as hell not be fighting over you! as the men say it ‘There are many fishes in the ocean” . I am 100% sure that men can NEVER be in this situation.
    As for Bunmi you let him go, so you are going to have bear wateva consequences that come with your choice. Stop fighting over a guy, that is a very petty thing to do! Maintain some sense of self worth n move on! U are only preventing urself from a better relationship.
    And as for Stella, u are a very stupid girl, n i am unapologetic for saying dat. I dont blame Bunmi for not wanting to speak to you. You are NEVER supposed to dat a girlfriend’s ex for absolutely no reason! Bunmi aired all her dirty laundry to you concerning Emeka to you in the past. Even though she told you she had moved on you had no right to dat her ex, especially a problematic one at that. And u must be very silly! For bringing up d fact dat u once dated him in PRIMARY school!!!!!!!!!! Girl! wat d heck is wrong with you! Naturally, Bunmi would feel very betrayed. I’m sure u had been eyeing him since, if after one year of dating u agreed to marry him!
    As for those of you who are claiming dat it is O.K for ur friends to dat ur ex u are lying to urselves. As for me I would never do such a thing! I hve bn approachd several tymz n i have passd on all of them! Bcos its jst wrng! n whether you like it or not it would definitely put a damper on ur relationship as friends. As for me U MUST NEVER DATE MY EX!!!
    As for the writer, I think you should put urself in Bunmi’s shoes n advice her based on that! What would you do! Only give pple advice based on what u would do if u found urself in such a situation! If not keep ur mouth shut! n stay out of it! Dats my honest advice!

    • missy~spectacular June 11, 2011 at 11:48 pm

      cool down, u sound so angry.
      Not all men are dogs! what sort of generalist statement is that??? park well oh 🙁

  • lily June 10, 2011 at 11:59 pm

    first and foremost, i don’t see any issue in this thing. Bumni was the one dat dumped Emeka at the first place and started dating Stella’s cousin. She gave permission to Stella to go on a date with Emeka. So why all these childish behaviour??? Bunmi is the one to be blamed (if she wasn’t over Emeka why give a go ahead to Stella to go out with at first place ehh?) Unless, Stella liked Emeka intially when they met and when Bumni finally dumped him for Stella’s cousin (Stella knowing the kind of cousin she has and also knowing that her cousin’s relationship with bumni isn’t going anywhere) Stella used the opporunity to get close to Emeka and Emeka finally asked her out and Stella being smart and tryna cover her ass told Bunmi “oh Emeka asked me out hope is okay”. i know we ladies we can be devious but all being said LET YOUR EX BE AN EX shikena!!!!.

  • Oyinda June 11, 2011 at 1:38 am

    No one is to blame. Unfortunately, sometime we can not help who we fall in love with. To deny oneself of true love is almost tantamount to suicide. Word for the wise – girls if you want to hold on to your man don’t introduce him to any of your girlfriends until the wedding day! Just keep calling him Mr. X.

  • Tobechi_daniel June 11, 2011 at 1:50 am

    Bunmi is ma because Stella is getting married before her.

  • nig June 11, 2011 at 2:29 am

    Girls girls girl Na waoooo..If bummi is in a good relatioship today ,,,U will not hear this story..

  • nig June 11, 2011 at 2:48 am

    I will never date my friends Ex are words for those who are young but for those in a sinking ship ….They can hold anything to survive ….

  • jumai June 11, 2011 at 3:21 am

    this permission thing is not necessary, its a way of showing courtesy to some one and respecting their feelings and you cannot really blame bunmi as well coz either you like it or not a part of you will always be with your ex which means you would always remember that part. it is now left for you to decide how to manage it

  • neena* June 11, 2011 at 5:11 am

    Hmmm…I think bunmi is jst being a sore sport becos she is still single and perhaps frustratedwith life
    Cuz she gave stella a go ahead to date her ex meanwhile in her evil mind she
    was hopeing and so certain dey weren’t”very very bad girl” gonna make it as a couple.
    So now that they stood d test of time and their r/ship actually worked, she turns around
    And forms d OMG!how could he/ she stunt.My advice to bunmi get over yourself,move on and be happy for your friend

  • Lyza June 11, 2011 at 9:06 am

    I have an ex who’s married, who’d immediately throw tantrums like a five year old if his friend as much give me an admiring glance let alone get my number. It happened once and we both got the nagging of our lives just because we were honest and open about being in contact and I wonder, if I was so good, why didn’t he marry me? I think my friend and Bunmi are no different at all, only Bunmi’s being foolish and overly childish to blame the sham on her meeting with stella in the first place. Bunmi needs to grow up, move on and look for love elsewhere cos even if Emeka should come back, I can bet my left foot that it won’t work out between them.

  • TJ June 11, 2011 at 10:06 am

    bunmi needs to get her head checked… first, she left emeka to date someone else… second, she gave stella permission to date emeka… third, she said she was over him… hoping they wouldn’t work out was just stupid… and last of all, everybody is somebody’s ex, be it someone you know or otherwise, they ended for a reason so get over it already… if i like him, i’d date him, even if he was married to my sister :p

  • judith June 11, 2011 at 10:13 am

    These things happen jor! I m in love with an ex s friend andd we will make it work! D exx has given his consent bt that’s reallly deir business! Consent or not! I love me my man

  • mamaKay June 11, 2011 at 11:46 am

    there is absolutely nothing wrong with the whole situation,Bunmi na only u dem say Emeka go friend?abegi make pple hear did not work with too bad,be happy that ur friends can find happiness with each other and Glory i dont believe u have done anything wrong…so take it easy on ur self

  • d glorious one June 11, 2011 at 8:40 pm

    She shld let go.its probably Gods way of telling her that he wasnt the one for her.Bt she broke up with him,didnt she?Who knows?What if she was still with him,and they kept on having issues?or he never even pops the question?Shes probably upset because hes getting married.Its a phase and she will get her own man soon.

  • Lola X June 11, 2011 at 9:35 pm

    Very good read!!!

    Lola x

  • Purpleicious Babe June 11, 2011 at 11:24 pm

    I agree with partyrider… although the story sounds complex, I’d say use wisdom to sort these issues out. Glory all u can do is listen really. Nothing more, is not like anything you say might change the situation. Besides, there are 2 sides to a story. If Bunmi resents u, dont resent her, understand she is going through a phase and when she is done and learnt she will know it happened for reasons beyond rationale.

    Whatever is going between Emeka and Stella is their businesses, as long as their motives are pure and God is in it, it is up to them how they handle the matter at hand.. A bitter friend is no good. so I’d rather sort everything with my brother than to come to the alter of grace for mercy when am clearly keeping malice.

    Lastly, dating other friends, cousins ex’s etc, is up to you and your mindset. Who am I to say something is this and that… we all have our values and principles and that is what shapes our lifestyles… Personally, I would not. Just cant bothered most esp if I knew the ex too. Nah, too much drama.

  • DupsyPedro June 11, 2011 at 11:48 pm

    this just proves that life just happens & it is difficult to have control of some things such as other peoples true intentions. You cannot be blamed for taking Stella on that visit afterall you probably didn’t know that she knew the guy. Bunmi shouldn’t have given the permission. it may have been better to just keep it real with Stella-added permission just made it easier for Stella to make that approach to the guy, but a friends ex is definitely off limits especially when it hasn’t been that long since they’ve broken up. Whoooo this is just one of those things that you will just have to let run its course and your friend is probably really hurting at this time and playing the blame seems easier to do for her

  • noone June 12, 2011 at 1:28 am

    bummi has a right to be hurt, but stella is int at fault either since she started dating him years later…..solution end the friendship because bummi is going to be the talk of the town everyone is going to talk about how her ex is marrying her friend #humiliating bummi needs to keep a distance

  • ij June 12, 2011 at 2:08 am

    ehen first of all Glory , please go and buy your asoebi with shoe and bag to match quick quick, there’s a wedding at hand
    2ndly Bunmi be the bigger person again and move on
    3rdly , Happy married life Stella and Emy boy!

  • vivian June 12, 2011 at 6:05 am

    well looking a both parties one can relate to bummi’s hurt but then there truth is what is yours with prayer will always remain so and if it’s not your then it never belonged to you in the first place but bummi’s prayer should be to find thaat missing rib.rather than feel betrayed as hard as it sounds she should be happy for them and pray she find there right helper.

  • Edara June 12, 2011 at 7:44 am

    Bunmi should plssssss move on. All these talk of rules; never date ur friend’s ex,never do this,never do that, really who gives anyone the right to make this rules,we live in a funny world where weird things happen everyday,except for the of awakardness that surrounds some suituation,that hinder us from doing certain things,i would say that we all have the right to do what we want. Whatever makes you sleep at night!!!

  • Amy June 12, 2011 at 12:43 pm

    Wrong wrong wrong, u dont date ur friend ex especailly if they had sex cause i personally think there will be that attachment there. And i would feel like they are sharing the guy.

  • MissKay June 12, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    WOW! what a dilemma
    #1 – i would personally not encourage dating your friend’s Ex( and in this case i’m talking abt serious relationships). I believe in this for the reason of respect for any residual feelings made known to u, or even hidden from u(just like Bunmi’s case). I agree that its an unwritten rule of friendship as well. In contradiction 2 what i’ve said though, love can come in different ways, & we never know how it works its magic, so in the case that it is REAL, genuine love which had no insidious nature from the former relationship(as in nothing AT ALL was going on behind Bunmi’s back type o’ thing), then i guess it is quite understandable.
    #2- sometimes we all gotta learn to let go. I know Bunmi is hurt, and all of that, but i believe there’s more for her out there. She should just brace up, wish them the best(as hard & unrealistic as it seems), & pick herself up. If she sits there tryna bring them down or apart, she will lose time to discover her own blessings.
    #3- Glory, none of this is ur fault, unless u planned a way that the story would end the way it has, which im beyond sure u didnt. Jut continue to take an impartial stand on the issue and make them both understand your point of view on their individual shortcomings in regards to the issue.

    good luck to all of them and all of you out there in similar predicaments.

  • yeye June 12, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    its a little complicated. i dont tink i can rily blame bunmi for being hurt, deres somtin not nice about your friend going out with your ex, but at d same time bunmi should understand that she broke up with emeka months bfor he hooked up wit stella nd bunmi told stell she was ok wit it. but stella’s argument is rily funny ‘she dated emeka first in primary school’. loooool

  • doubleyouhehigh June 12, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    Bunmi needs to be told she can’t eat her cake and have it….She broke up with Emeka, moved on; her friend got hooked, now she wants him….oh pls! Some ladies can be very funny sha.
    In the end, its only d God-planned pair that would work out

  • my rules of engagement June 12, 2011 at 10:38 pm

    well, I’m so late but i’ll still comment.
    Fist LWTMB…..@ they first dated in primary school.

    I personally would never date my friends EX or my EX-boyfriend’s friend. Just one of those things i can’t imagine doing.
    But to those who don’t mind 1st ask some key questions
    1. Why did they really break-up?
    2. Are there any unresolved feelings?
    3. Is it possible one or both of them have the EX-HOLD on the other. because what makes stella think that bunmi & Emeka vannot re-unite for a fling???
    and ladies whenever ur friend tells u it’s okay to date her ex please don’t fall for it. She is just trying to be “mature”
    too bad for all of them…bunmi at least you’ve learnt a very serious lesson in the end.

    shineureye June 10, 2011 at 8:42 PM

    You actually got me thinking o! Could it be that stella actually set bunmi up with her cousin in order to clear the coast????
    Hmmm..May God give us wisdom o.

  • talking drum June 12, 2011 at 10:54 pm

    All of you saying that if bunmi was in a commited relationship or married she wouldn’t care and bla bla bla….
    I would care, some of us don’t know how to let go so easily, even I know it’s a bad thing. The Only problem i have with bunmi is that she was dishonest…which is equally against the rule.
    As for stella, Congrats o,I just hope you are happy in the end because there would be no one to console you if things go bad.
    As for Emeka….I have no words.
    Glory, like someone suggested you guys should just keep poking each other on facebook. No put mouth.

  • hmmmm June 13, 2011 at 1:46 am

    I just think dating a friend’s EX is a big no no.

    This recently happened to me, as per myself and this babe were really close as per sharing stuffs about my then BF with her.
    Fast forward 3yrs later, after a strained relationship that was recently resolved, she had the gots to tell me that she considered dating this ex and the only reason why she didn’t was because she discovered that the guy is very selfish and hardly spent money on her.

    I think some people don’t value friendships or know the true meaning of the word.
    Trust, honesty and love are the pillars that sustains and builds true friendships.

  • Oma June 13, 2011 at 9:28 am

    A typical case of “One man’s food is another man’s poison”. Lol.
    Goodluck to you in finding words to say.
    My advice,stay as “left out” in the issue as they put you when the going was good. lol.

  • marietta June 13, 2011 at 11:20 am

    @ writer, this subject has DRAMA written all over it, the only thing you can offer is a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. if stella calls and starts to bitch about bunmi, just listen, and vice versa…only advice i got…OR better yet, don’t pick up anyone’s call. avoid both of them as much as you can (if it was me though, i’d sooo get in volved…i looovvvee drama, juicy drama, and this is JUItheeffingCY!! lol
    good luck!:)

  • Kiki June 13, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    sounds like an average nollywood script….infact, im sure i have watched something like that…
    anyway, seriously, bunmi should grow up abeg! since she gave her blessing (whether it was to be the “bigger person” or some crap like that) she agreed. stella should just take accept the fact that she has lost a friend (not a good friend by the likes of it) there are much more difficult problems ie her wedding plans than allowing such a pikin spoil her life. it (life) is hard enough as it is, such petty crap should be thrown into a bottomless PIT

  • Jennifer June 13, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    Bunmi is jst jealous.its nt easy though but Emeka is her past and if really she has moved on then dat should’nt be her business.

  • Mariamah June 13, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    Hmmmmmmm, so bunmi wants to eat her cake, and have it, afterall she dumped him, so whats her problem, she should quit acting childish and move on.

  • Grace June 13, 2011 at 2:01 pm

    Love doesnt ask why,and i dont think Bummi ever loved Emeka,so why the beef with Stella,u shouldnt blame ur self either because u have brought this persons who are destined to be together..u aint part of it.

  • deee June 13, 2011 at 3:11 pm

    For those making reference to the primary school thing as if it actually counts, I simply cannot believe you! If you want to do something ‘bad’ (cos one can’t quite call this bad) just do it and chin up afterwards. Don’t come up with ridiculous justifications like that!
    Also, if you’re going to make a disclosure make a full disclosure. Seems to me like she (Stella) deliberately downplayed the whole thing. She ‘bumped into’ him? Yeah right *rolling my eyes*. I had the deepest respect for Stella until I read her response about dating him first in pry school. Gosh, I still can’t get over that.

  • BB June 13, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    I really would have loved to say its not right dating a friend’s ex, but then if really and truly Emeka is stella love ( particularly since they are getting married); I would say that you can find love anywhere and when you do please carry go.

  • Nene June 13, 2011 at 7:28 pm

    I’ll kill any friend that dates my ex….no matter the cause of our break-up, if she actually knows we were once dating…simple

  • Ada111 June 13, 2011 at 11:56 pm

    God Forbid will I allow such a thing to happen under my nose.

  • mimi June 14, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    No one is @ fault in dis whole story,I tink I will evn blame bumni shld jst get over d whole tin and move forward. At least it wastn a hidden agenda and more all over dey nt 2geter wiz emeka so why is she takin it personal! I tink emeka has found his missing ribs lol….

  • Miss Special June 14, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    in my opinion no one is to be blamed for anything it was meant to be, bunmi should move on, bless their union, learn her lesson if there’s any to be learnt. Next time she should be sure of what she wants

  • Stylish June 15, 2011 at 12:57 pm

    Bunmi is tryin to eat her cake and have! it doesnt work that way. She was being greedy when she left Emeka 4Stella’s cousin cos she tot it’d work out. i’m sure if it had workd out she wouldnt bat an eye over emeka proposing to stella now. she should lick her wounds and move on and learn frm her iwn mistake. As foe Stella, she isnt doing anytin wrong at all. She even had to courtesy to ask for her friend’s permission in the first place, so pls enjoy ur man and god bless ur marriage.

  • Larai June 16, 2011 at 6:45 pm

    Glory this is not ur fault…. I think Bunmi wld ‘ve had issues with WHOEVER Emeka was happy with, clearly she realised her mistake nd wants him back and as the others ‘ve pointed out if she was engaged or married, she wld’t be wasting her time with this. She was responsible for evrything, frm breaking up with the boy to giving Stella the go ahead.
    As fr Stella, i think she covered her base, she was’t secretive abt it and she asked fr ‘permission’, Bunmi shld be happy fr her instead of being jealous (who I’m I kidding, we’re girls.. thts hw we’re wired)
    I think all u shld do is listen to her/them rant… this is vry tricky so dont say anything to them. good luck.

  • anonymous June 16, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    In the world we live in today especially as Nigerians, if we keep dwelling on not dating a friend’s ex or dating someone who knows your ex and what not we will all remain single forever. Nigerians define the meaning of its a small world. That being said, I don’t see anything wrong with the situation Bunmi is being a brat because its not going the way she wants and now that Emeka wants to propose she is picturing a life she thinks she could have had but truth of the matter is the life isn’t yours it is Stella’s. If there is anything wrong with their relationship I’m sure there will be consequences to them both later but that is not for Bunmi to decide. You let him go so let go and let God. We females do not like to see other females happy. I know situations where the girl didn’t even run it by the first girl in question and the other girl couldn’t do anything about it because at the end of the day they are all grown and people will do whatever they want to do regardless. Bunmi she respected you enough to run it by you and didn’t go the route of telling you well you let him go he is someone else’s now so suck it up. That is the life that we live in and like I said as Nigerians everybody knows everybody so trust me if you find love hold on to it because if you let it go based on some past that isn’t even relevant its your loss. Love is scarce out there #dontdull

  • tyrasbf June 18, 2011 at 10:09 pm

    it is in the Girl Bible…thou shall not date thy friends ex for thy shall never find peace in life..duh!

  • dyn June 19, 2011 at 12:59 pm

    Primary school dating? ‎​ℓ☺ℓ. Abeg, that one no follow. Bummi should take a chill pill really. Personally, I can’t date my friend’s ex. O! The guilt

  • suraht June 20, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    your friend’s ex is off limits period! i guess it also depends on how close of a friendship u have

  • Boxicus June 21, 2011 at 10:16 am

    Dating ur friend’s ex is TOTALLY off limits i think, especially when they had a serious relationship and u wer ther 2 witness it. Even if Bumi said she didnt mind, ther are some, her common sense and not emotions should have told her to avoid such a situation. I feel sory for Bumi, for loosing a lover and a friend at the same time.

  • smiles June 24, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    u dont have a part in it joor.
    jst tell her, tns work out for good… and since shes currently dating smone, tell her d person shes with is prob better than emeka…(rem she left emeka for smone b4)
    my frnd is gettin married to my ex… they dint meet thru me… dey dint know each other when we still frnds wit d ex, and frnds wit my ex… when dey both found out i was a mutual frnd dey came to me differnetly to ask if i was cool wit it.. and of cos i was… dis is smone i dated like yrs ago…..
    abeg, bunmi shd chill, she left emeka for sm1 else, stella already knew emeka so its not like they jst met thru her….
    i think shes only pained cos shes’ thinkin wow… i shd b d one gettin married… she wldnt b in tears if she was already married… its a phase, she will get thru it and realize she doesnt really want him, shes jst pained cos hes gettin married b4h er..

  • Ugo June 28, 2011 at 3:18 pm

    Silly Bunmi. She should get overhim. All girls, me too, feel crushed when their ex starts to see other people. It’s like damn. If that girl wants him, should I have hung on? But mehn, we move on. I’m actually proud when I see my ex date some hot chick. I feel like I made a great choice then. I love all my exes cos we did share something wpecial. Why let jealousy jeopadize that?

  • Linda July 1, 2011 at 8:03 am

    Stella did not go wrong in anyway. Bunmi ended the relationship with Emeka. She should move on.

  • tmtmtmte July 2, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    Chics really need to cut off some drama,u c,bunmi gave her permission cos she thot twas nt gonna work n now she see they r heading down d aisle she’s spitting fire. If they had broken up 2mo later we won’t even be reading this. No body has a right over anyboidy’s life and that she was asked for permission at all shld show her stella put some premium on their friendship. Taken, it could be painfull but Bunmi should move on

  • Misola July 5, 2011 at 6:32 pm

    The Bunmi chic shd get over herself! She broke up with the guy, dated someone else, went back to beg…she’s confused! And isnt she supposed to be dating someone else now, what’s all the fuss about her friend and her ex? Did Sandra give her issue for dating her cousin? She should park well!

  • adejoke July 9, 2011 at 10:30 pm

    Gloria u ve no fault in dis issue,coz its ά̲̣̥ thing anyone could do,bunmi felt she could trust stella,so she took er as ά̲̣̥ friend. Stella havin an affair is not wrong coz ders, no rule to courtship,emeka proposed to er becoz he found somethin bunmi doesnt have,n ά̲̣̥ lesson,one should not always tell deir friends,every detail about deir relationship,coz u don’t no who wants to wish u bad

  • eastPrince July 12, 2011 at 10:57 am

    Bunmi is just jealous! U no want make stella enjoy weting u been da chop abi? So wen u we’re dating anoda guy did u worry about d girl emeka was dating? Okay now dat it is stella’s turn! Ur bad belle don show! Taaaaa! Waka

  • janded babe July 12, 2011 at 5:35 pm

    Of course everyone is free to date who they choose, but they have to be prepared for the consequences.
    1. Stells knew it would be a problem therwise she wouldnt have asked
    2. Bunmi has herself to blame, olojukokoro she thgt she could dump emeka for alfred then run back..sorry love
    3. Emeka is not serious how can you go after your ex’s friend, he never fear…
    Me personally will never go there with my friends ex’s thats silly, when people ask how you met, what will you say, “oh he was my bridesmaids boyfriend” lol abeg abeg no drama plix

  • janded babe July 12, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    Also Glory I think you know you are not to blame, but decided to ask just for the sake of writing..

  • Tracy July 25, 2011 at 7:34 am

    ok first, Emeka- pls guy met babe since like yrs, bumped into her again. even though some babe already dated him is that enough reason 4 him never to speak to other chics?
    Stella – pls love is not planned. im a girl n damn id date my best friend’s ex if i have to, did i steal from her? No. she spat out food n i picked it up, dusted it and put it in my mouth and now she thinks its fresher
    Bunmi – pls get a life and let go. y did u dump him in the first place. did stella stop you from dating her family? did u not also know of the secret rule of family is off limit? mtchewww. And pls you are clingy that’s why ur doing this whole bull of remaining friends if not you’d have gone out there and actually moved on i bet you’d have found someone by now. Im a girl like you, iv had an ex too and jeez i don’t even care its the babe he swore not to have anything with when we were dating that he’s dating now. for a second i thought hmmm they prolly did it behind me b4 the break up but who cares man. ex is ex. if its not meant to be u continue on your own destiny you have no right to control someone else’. if stella goes and gets broken hearted sorry for her other wise then let her be happy.

    ps: i think that whole rule of dating is rubbish. im a lady and heck id date anyone thats not my blood even if it’s my sister’s ex. anyone can hate it or love it. like i said, love is like death, its no respecter or age, color or type. women stop your drama….i don talk am oh

    honest woman,….#gbam

  • Hetty July 29, 2011 at 1:06 pm

    first of all we like to believe that a friend’s ex is off limits (until we become victims of the situation)….but in this case, Bunmi had made herself vulnerable by dating Stella’s cousin, so even if Stella had any qualms it would have worn off…it’s nobody’s fault actually…maybe they were meant to be together…Bunmi should get over it and move on…

  • lima December 20, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    let me get this straight, Bunmi left Emeka for another man and gave Stella permission to date Emeka because she thought the relationship wouldn’t last and she calls herself a friend? Stella did nothing wrong. Tell Bunmi to grow up…..the world really doesn’t revolve around.

  • Yinca Es*star January 27, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    first of…for stella to have mentioned being the first to date him i.e. back in pry schl…i want to believe…she’d been eyeing Emeka from the visit-scene and became closefrends with bunmi to get closer to the prize……luckily for her things got bad btw them…she chilled for some breeze to blow…her opportunity came and she catched it…..i think all 3 are to blame…

    @bunmi – you cant eat your cake and still have it…you called it off, so accept ur flop, and look another way……its his call and he choose not to accept you back…dats your luck.

    @stella….i’ll treat this as a personal issue…if and only if ‘i were you’….and if i truly loved Bunmi…i’ld steer off dat Emeka coast…ex or no ex.

    @Emeka….uhm..well, am not sure of guys’ rules…..bur stella was Bunmi’s CLOSEFRIEND….haba…unless u’ve lost all the respect u once had for her sha o….

  • Onyeoma March 6, 2012 at 8:39 am

    Most of d things we want most doesn’t come 2 us. Do I blame Bunmi? NO! My reason been dat she was consoling herself wen she told stella she didn’t mind. Ofcourse she minds, no girl or guy wants 2 see his or her frieng date an Ex & be truly happy about it *she meant jokingly anyway* Secondly, how sure re we dat stella wasn’t d cause of their separation? Common Ladies, step into bunmi’s shoe for a while & sincerely think you wouldn’t have done worse? Am not saying stella is so “Innocent” in dis whole drama. We all ve a little Eve in all of us. Truth be told, stella might ve had a rekindled interest in Emeka & wat beta way 2 ve him all 2herself, than introducing her Cousin 2 Bunmi. All this I see as a premeditated plan to distract Bunmi. Didn’t she know wat kind of cousin & person Bunmi is? U can’t jux bring a “Tom & Jerry” & xpect luv & harmony. @ Bunmi, am not saying u re not a gud person, all am trying 2 is sometimes our Ex were never truly happy or in-luv wit us but they stayed not because they loved us, but because they like the idea of us. @ Stella How can u be in-luv wit ur friend’s Ex & xpect her 2 be happy 4u? If your intentions were true & u did not in anyway contribute 2 Emeka & Bunmi’s split & dat u found true luv in Emeka, then blissful luv life. @ Emeka am sorry u met Ladies drooling over u instead of the other way round. Unlike me, MEN & MONEY cannot come in between I & my Girls, because these girls are my sisters 4rm another mother, who stays wit u when everyone is leaving, who will go miles for each other & so on. So u & stella broke the rules of engagement & are not worth having Bunmi as a friend because u both don’t deserve her.

  • TheClurr July 1, 2012 at 9:27 pm

    I totally agree with you, yes it goes without saying that Stella and bunmi will consciously have to work towards keeping their friendship. But this passing around of who is to blame and who caused what is extremely unnecessary. I don’t even see why in the first place bunmi should be so mad and so bitter towards Stella. It is unfair and very selfish of bunmi to do so, moreover she did agree to their relationship when Stella asked for her consent. I hate talking about this friend and ex nonsense, I really do. You left the guy, you claim you are over him why don’t you stay true to that especially when you know it will make ur life a whole lot better? This, to me, is just unnecessary drama…. And the fact that this looks like their friendship (bunmi and Stella) would dissolve because of something so trivial in my opinion is stupid and goes to say that their friendship was never meant to exist and it takes experiences like these to make us realize that.

  • A. Vee July 10, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    LMFAO @ dated in primary school! ewoo

  • kennie September 21, 2012 at 6:40 pm

    @ NoWonderWoman NICE VERDICT ….

  • July 4, 2013 at 5:13 pm

    Qiang raised his head and said: how do not recognize me? That turned around the effort to betray you?

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