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A Time to S.T.O.P!

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I have always been drawn to the part of the Bible which outlines the time for “everything” i.e. a season for every activity under the heavens:

  • a time to be born and a time to die,
  • a time to plant and a time to uproot,
  • a time to kill and a time to heal,
  • a time to tear down and a time to build,
  • a time to weep and a time to laugh,
  • a time to mourn and a time to dance,
  • a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
  • a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
  • a time to search and a time to give up,
  • a time to keep and a time to throw away,
  • a time to tear and a time to mend,
  • a time to be silent and a time to speak,
  • a time to love and a time to hate,
  • a time for war and a time for peace.

In addition to all of these, I humbly suggest the “time to stop”.

While catching up with a girlfriend recently, I was told of a friend of hers who is going through a hard time dealing with some guy she’s in love with. Apparently, lady friend had enjoyed a great relationship with him until he decided that he had had enough of her. Now, forced-Romeo refuses to pick up her calls, does not reply bb messages, has stopped all visits to her, and he has refused to say and do the usually expected. All of these combined seem to me like a strong enough reason for her to severe what’s left of the relationship. This is the time for her to stop!

However, hopeful-Juliet still hangs on… hoping that there would be a change, that things would be different. She keeps calling him, and sending messages… all in the hope for a change of heart; not realizing that she was slowly turning into a stalker, and would only get even more hurt. At this point, she can’t sleep right, eat right, or even think straight. Her life stopped since Romeo turned into forced-Romeo!

When I heard all of the tales of woe, instead of feeling any form of sympathy for the concerned, I was pissed. Why do women put themselves through all of this drama? It is not a MUST that we must be loved by everyone we love. The moment he stops calling, texting, visiting as much as we do, he most likely doesn’t want it anymore. At this point, lets hands off and let go! Where this isn’t the case i.e. incase we misjudged the situation, he would be back.

Many say “oh Éjire, it is easier said than done”. I completely disagree. I myself used to be a mini-stalker until I learnt some hard truths / lessons the hard way. Today, many accuse me of being robotic and hard hearted but that is so not true. I only fight to protect myself. I let my guard down once I am sure of whom I am dealing with, and when I am sure that we share mutual feelings for each other. As soon as he withdraws his love for me, I immediately align.

I don’t recommend nor do I condone whining and pinning for a resigned-Romeo, while making a complete fool of oneself for no just cause. This is simply a waste of time. In truth, WE ARE STRONGER THAN WE THINK AND WE CAN DO THIS! I made a decision to know when to stop and I have been faithful to this decision so far.

Once I realize that a man isn’t meeting me half way, no matter how great he is, I tell myself that he simply isn’t just for me. I make time to mourn the mismatch, and then I pick myself up, chic-up and move forward with renewed hope that my own – the one who would supersede all my expectations and one who would act right, one who would blow up my phone with calls and messages, the one who would act the fool to prove his love just for me… would show up at the right time – someday, soon.

Single woman (and man), until actual-Romeo (or Juliet) shows up, much as you must keep all options open and put yourself out there, the moment he /she stops the love, you must stop also. In this instance, it must always be “tit for tat” – give only what you get. Resist being a nuisance. Stop hitting your head against a brick wall. Honour the time to S.T.O.P.

It’s that simple.

166 Comments

  1. mariamah

    November 15, 2011 at 1:22 pm

    I agree with you, cause at the end , you would only make a fool of your self.

  2. chi chi

    November 15, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    true word o. 101% word.

  3. redfunnylips

    November 15, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    hmmnn…na so

  4. bunmi ojo

    November 15, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    Wonderful piece! This is what u call hitting the nail on the head! Well articulated, well done ejire!

  5. IfYouNoLikeMe go JUMP

    November 15, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    AMEN….
    people need to learn

  6. Onyinye

    November 15, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    i’m sorry but i dont actually think it’s as simple as you make it out to be. there are so many other factors involved. sometimes, you can’t just pack up and leave.

    • Cyber, Oko Alhaja

      November 16, 2011 at 10:02 am

      The only time it is difficult or impossible to leave is when sex is involved. If the man has been shinning your congo, then there is a tie which cannot be easily severed. That is why I tell women, keep your legs closed whatever the temptation, whatever the raps from the guy, until you are married. It is old fashioned, but it works best.

    • iya oloja

      November 16, 2011 at 12:34 pm

      U’re right Oko Alhaja… but even when sex is not involved…how difficult is it…you don’t have much options anyway…leave gracefully or become a stalker/love beggar…

    • diamond

      November 16, 2011 at 2:03 pm

      supported!

    • Incognegrette

      January 5, 2012 at 2:59 pm

      NA TRUE YOU TALK O! And the funny thing is, the most anti-abstinent men ALWAYS respect a woman who keeps their legs closed! They’re the ones that get the ring with ease! 😉

  7. oma

    November 15, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    Great article,well said the attitude of stopping at the right time should be condoned by women Regardless of how great mr nice guy is…sometimes it could be hard buh in the end u will be doing urself a lot good…ve been a victim of this once,every thing around me just didnt add up at that time i tot i was going to die for real without dis dude..buh i realised dat i was living in a fools paradise.i fought to pick up my life sadly and i faced reality…never expect too much and always be ready to move on…..cuz u never knw u might just ve been replaced by someone else.
    xoxo

  8. Ada

    November 15, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    Thanks for this write up, it has inspired me greatly for what i am going through now.

  9. miz imani

    November 15, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    True talk

  10. steph

    November 15, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    dis is so so true. I have been in one myslf nd i tink its time 2 wake up nd smell d coffee. i hv been in a relationship wit a guy for almost 4yrs he keeps promising nd shiftin d date 4 our supposed marriage…. each time i call him 2 express my fears, he gets pissed nd stops picking my calls… i hv been putting many potential suitors away bcos of him, until i met dis guy dat wants 2 a serious relationship wit me, nd i told him am engaged nd he asked me just a simple question dat got me tinking real hard… guess wat he asked; DO U HV A RING?. Dat was wen it downed on me dat i hv been a fool all dis while. I den called my supposed fiance 2 talk 2 him about it nd he got angry nd stopped pickin my calls 4 like 2 days now… WELL I TINK ITS TIME TO MOVE ON….

    • BellaStalker

      November 15, 2011 at 3:35 pm

      It is definitely time to move on!!!What are you waiting for…Another 4 years of date postponement? Until you are stale on the shelf? Trust me hun, move on and move fast!

    • Henrieeta Arthur-Worrey

      November 15, 2011 at 6:27 pm

      Oh wow.. Thats a harsh guy.. My dear.. Please just get out of that relationship fast.. *hugs*

    • Cyber, Oko Alhaja

      November 16, 2011 at 10:06 am

      A mature woman – 24+ should not spend more than 2 years in any relationship before moving on. If in two years, the guy has not shown SERIOUS signs of seriousness, and he is still giving you tales by moonlight – walk. Remember you have expiry date. Except you have made your mind to remain single, which is okay too

    • anidiv777

      November 16, 2011 at 11:49 am

      Gbam!!!!…my exact sentiment….2yrs no commitment in d form of proof of 2gedaness…mi sisters take a walk!!!!

    • funmi

      January 2, 2012 at 1:26 pm

      lmao @ tales by moonlight..

    • A.D

      November 21, 2011 at 9:40 am

      Ma dear, it might seem like a bird in hand is worth more than a promised cock, but, also swetiee, a stitch in time saves nine, or in this case, saves another 4 years, so you better S.T.O.P

      http://www.memoirsofagoodnaijagurl.blogspot.com

  11. agbihoma osagie monday

    November 15, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    truel talk but life is all about getting what u deserve.

  12. sarafina

    November 15, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    WORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  13. SANDRA

    November 15, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    Hi Ejire,
    i really enjoy this piece,it touched me in a way cos i have a romeo who is just like that,are u a counselor?how can we connect?

  14. afolabi olabisi

    November 15, 2011 at 2:09 pm

    Great 1 .just got some hits nw tnks dear.STOP nd move on #wink#

  15. Ada

    November 15, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    Bella, where is my comment

  16. BukiOni

    November 15, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    Letting go is one of life’s hardest lessons. Yet over changing seasons and passing time, we gradually learn to let go of certain people, relationships, situations and circumstances that fall way beyond our control. Sometimes there are people who turn out to be, say and do things we don’t expect them to and then it dawns on us that we have to let them go, so that they can fulfill their destinies while we go on to fulfill our own life path. That’s the painful part, the part which requires us to let go and stop. I learnt the hard way.
    http://www.emblemofbeauty.blogspot.com/

  17. olufunke

    November 15, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    great article i must say,u jst HIT d nail on d head.

  18. Bolanle

    November 15, 2011 at 2:34 pm

    this is a good piece and i think i have a lesson to learn from this! thank you

  19. Whizchap

    November 15, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    Hymmm…from the very moment I saw “time top stop”, I was damn sure that it has sumtin to do with r/ships…lol! Na wa oh….woman and man matter! COme to think about it…who suffers heartbreak more? As in who is more of the victim than the perpetrator? BN…this will be a nice topic to put online for comments. Adios!

    • Oyinade

      November 15, 2011 at 3:27 pm

      hmmmm……. the post is online that’s why you were able to read it

    • Ngozi

      November 21, 2011 at 10:41 am

      Lol! I tire for “suggestion” o!

    • DEEMA

      February 2, 2012 at 4:35 pm

      HAHAHA ……………

  20. Chika

    November 15, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    Thank you o, Ejire. I too decided to S.T.O.P. and it’s been totally worth it 🙂 Great read…

  21. Common sense

    November 15, 2011 at 2:46 pm

    Give it up turn it loose! Great song by En Vogue, memorize the words!!

  22. funke

    November 15, 2011 at 2:47 pm

    thank God i’m not the only 1 dat share dis opinion. Great article. thumbs up!!!

  23. longsufferer

    November 15, 2011 at 3:01 pm

    “As soon as he withdraws his love for me, I immediately align’…. preach it sister! i totally agree! that is the best thing to do,,hard hearted or not.

  24. Madame Sting

    November 15, 2011 at 3:05 pm

    This is an awesome article. I fully endorse this message. lol. You have to know when to stop!

  25. Realist

    November 15, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    Nicely written. If someone can walk away from you (Man and Woman), let the person go.
    Its not rocket science but we as human beings let our emotions get the best of us.

    I also concur on BEING STRONGER THAN U THINK. Time heals all wounds.
    People should learn to listen to other peoples stories on what they have been through in life and they would honestly realise what they think is some major heartbreak isn’t really anything.

    In my opinion, If someone believes they are better off without and should leave you, walk out, dump you or divorce you…then you also are better off without them. And the person who truly deserves you will find you. So thank God, Have faith in him & Trust that he will supply all your needs…xxx

  26. longsufferer

    November 15, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    ‘Once I realize that a man isn’t meeting me half way, no matter how great he is, I tell myself that he simply isn’t just for me. I make time to mourn the mismatch, and then I pick myself up, chic-up and move forward with renewed hope that my own – the one who would supersede all my expectations and one who would act right, one who would blow up my phone with calls and messages, the one who would act the fool to prove his love just for me… would show up at the right time – someday, soon.’,…..love this …aka…were my big girl pants and say NEXT!!

  27. longsufferer

    November 15, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    ‘As soon as he withdraws his love for me, I immediately align.’…word!

    • A.D

      November 21, 2011 at 9:54 am

      #gbam# One of the greatest thing to learn in life is the ability to let go, most times, good number of us invest a good %tage of our time on the wrong people and things, and then when we realize we arent getting half as much return as we invest, we start ‘yimuing’, lol. In my opinion, I think we see signs of all these slacking, but we are carried away with the euphoria of things……my 2cents sha.

      http://www.memoirsofagoodnaijagurl.blogspot.com

  28. Ndidi

    November 15, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    I have learned in life that the only people I fight for without ever giving up hope or love, are my children and my mom. I love them unconditionally because they are vulnerable and love me unconditionally. To everyone-else, including men, I put myself first! My motto: To thine ownself be True! You can’t love others, if you do not LOVE YOURSELF! If others don’t love you, no worry. Love yourself!!!!

  29. Oyinade

    November 15, 2011 at 3:32 pm

    Ejire, I hope it is not my friend, who shared my story with you, lol. This story depicts my life, about 6 months ago.

  30. faith

    November 15, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    Just what i have been thinking, thanks

  31. pendo

    November 15, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    i don’t totally agree there are different reasons why men go MIA read this article for clarification http://www.capitalfm.co.ke/lifestyle/2011/11/15/why-do-men-go-mia/

    • Truthsayer

      November 15, 2011 at 7:22 pm

      And which one of those reasons implies you’re the love of his life and the person he wants to settle down with? Have read the article…all crap reasons that point to the same thing…The guy is just not that into you. Bottom line, if he’s not meeting you half way, ALIGN. Make time to mourn the mismatch as Ejire has rightly said, and then move on. If it is meant to be, he will be back.

  32. kiki

    November 15, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    ur right….and like you one has to learn their lesson from their first heart break to know never to act like that again in future r/ships.

  33. mizzes

    November 15, 2011 at 4:12 pm

    its a lot harder than you claim it is. how do u suddenlu let go of someone u thought u’ll spend forever with? how do u say goodbye to the great times u shared and “put yourself out there”? maybe it works for u, but can’t imagine that working for me.
    i just tend to guard my heart no matter how loving the guy may be until i’m really sure i’m not throwing my emotions to the wind. that’s just how i feel

  34. annie

    November 15, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    preach!!!

  35. Gyann

    November 15, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    It might not be easy @ first, no doubt about…its just a conscious and gradual process powered by a consistent effort and decision to release yourself from the bondage of holding onto what isnt there. We are worth more than the pains and stress of holding on.

  36. Gyann

    November 15, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    Nicely written Ejire

  37. Tiki

    November 15, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    Brother Taylor, Preach!
    Me luv luv luv, gotta know when it’s time to throw in the towel and back off, nothing has ever been solved by stalking…

  38. Aisha

    November 15, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    While I don’t recommend tit for tat, I know and also believe that the moment the other person has decided not to put you in focus, just smile, see it as a blessing, give genuine thanks to God and bounce out. Wallahi, you will be amazed at the sort of person God brings your way. It happened to me, it worked for me and I am ever grateful to God for such enrichment.
    Peace.

  39. Babe

    November 15, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    True talk.

  40. Sett

    November 15, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    well, when her time to stop comes by, trust me Ejire, you won’t need to write an epistle to tell her to stop. people have different outlets. hers is to act like a looney until she gets tired. pls let her be jare. na who wear shoe know where the shoe dey pain. its easier to look from outside and suggest how someone should handle certain situations. one day she will look back and be like “i can’t believe i ever like this dude sef…ewwww”. but until she gets there, you can’t tell her otherwise. oh let me also add that, if someone has crossed you so badly, it can be well worth making a fool yourself to make their lives miserable. sometimes walking away and being the bigger persons is a light sentence to some men/women. rather, stooping sooo low might be the sweetest revenge. hahhahhahha big girls don’t cry. we break even…

  41. Turn turn turner

    November 15, 2011 at 5:38 pm

    I wish guys would adopt the simple courtesy of manning up and saying a plain old “It’s over” instead of this usual cycle of simply blanking out and avoiding the chic till she gets the message.

    Sometimes a girl just wants to understand what went wrong to help her move forward. Closure….Is that too much to ask?

    • barb

      November 16, 2011 at 4:01 pm

      thank you turn turn turner!

  42. jay

    November 15, 2011 at 5:53 pm

    well said

  43. Ronnie

    November 15, 2011 at 6:30 pm

    I’ve been there , he was the 1st guy i truly liked even though i’d met better looking guys with better jobs..Never thought i’d be the stalker. Thank God i STOPPED when i did even though it wasn’t easy. I still miss him and he has actually tried to get back with me but i’m not going back there again by God’s grace!

  44. Jordan

    November 15, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    Its important for a human being to know that love and happiness comes from God alone and not any man. No human is indispensible even though its hard to seperate but if a guy/girl doesnt want you anymore you have to move on to avoid endangering yourself even healthwise. God is faithful and as we read above there is a time for everything. The one that is your own will come if you hold on in faith. There is a season for everything.

    • Precisely

      November 15, 2011 at 9:04 pm

      Exactly Jordan. That is what I tell people too. My happiness and contentment can never come from a mere mortal (human). People change like the weather and I have learnt my lessons the hard way. I also learnt to draw close to Jesus because He can never fail me and will always be there for me through the fire and through the storm. I can’t say the same for most people in this world today.

    • dorothy

      November 16, 2011 at 9:35 am

      forget u have sense jare.!marry me o

  45. ibukungeorge

    November 15, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    Totally agree wt u. My mum says am a bit cynical when it comes to guys issues. U treat me like a queen that i’am….u get the best treatment ever! You do otherwise? I drop u like hot potato sack! Its hard tho,but not until you tell yourself that you can live without a guy that treats you like crap. Gone through that lane, can never go through it again. Though if you want to shed some weight? Try emotionalissues.com. lol

  46. Sett

    November 15, 2011 at 8:22 pm

    so bellanaija, i noticed that you seem to have an issue with my comments. can you tell me what the issue is?

  47. Chic

    November 15, 2011 at 8:55 pm

    beautiful article…..dere was a tym i was a stalker and he called me ‘formidable’…..afta a while i decided to let go n wen i did he realised he nidded me bk……

  48. Nifesimi

    November 15, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    It might be hard but it’s important to know when to let go. I learnt this the hard way. Not knowing when to S.T.O.P can be more painful than you can imagine. Well said Ejire

  49. deedee

    November 16, 2011 at 1:30 am

    Funny how you read about things that describe your exact situation at the moment
    I’m in this exact situation! Well… Story for another day
    Time actually heals ALL wounds believe me! And not forgetting that God’s grace always comes first.
    Nice article

  50. dorothy

    November 16, 2011 at 2:51 am

    I couldnt agree more…..learn to attract what u deserve.!

  51. mind ya biz

    November 16, 2011 at 2:53 am

    @ mizzes —-> never give a man 100% of yourself in any relationship! thats why women like you end up with the wrong guy that beats your ass all the time just cuz you scared to leave his ass!

  52. hghg

    November 16, 2011 at 2:58 am

    Well said Jordan..No man/human is capable of giving love except Jesus..cos his comes undiluted,peace of mind,dnt drain you,builds your characted,making you see your inner strenght.While the reverse is the case when we depend on a man to love and care for us.I call man love ..the high,while the love we get from christ undiluted.

  53. Theodora

    November 16, 2011 at 7:31 am

    Great article, thank you for this words, cause am going through this stuff right now, but i have learnt

  54. pynk

    November 16, 2011 at 8:39 am

    she will move on in her own time. Thats the God honest truth. we dont do things until we are ready to. Emotionally speaking, its when u have made up ur mind that u can conquer all.

  55. eesha

    November 16, 2011 at 8:43 am

    Well written Ejire, no need to hang onto a relationship that has obviously hit the rocks. Na to follow next available flight.

    • dorothy

      November 16, 2011 at 9:34 am

      ROFLMAO…!LMAO @na to follow next available flight…ure soo funny!

  56. Enuff said

    November 16, 2011 at 9:00 am

    WORD!!!, it even looks pathetic because then you begin to feel like such a nuisance. true talk

  57. lekwe

    November 16, 2011 at 9:44 am

    so on point! and a message to us all cos even when we say we would stop we still find ourselves reaching out

  58. Kathryn Cage

    November 16, 2011 at 9:45 am

    Had a friend who was helping out her boyfriend who was studying for his masters abroad. She was so in love with this guy that at the mention of any problem from him, she was willing to solve that problem financially. Each time they have an argument, the guy will not pick her calls, will not reply her bb messages and she’ll beg like her life depends on it before he’ll forgive her. She said she was begging because she didn’t want her over N1M investment on this guy to amount to nothing but i talked to her, it’s better to stop now and lose the over N1M investment than invest N5M or N10M and still lose him. The way he’s going, it’ll take just a lil offense from her for him to ditch her for good. Then she stopped! Now the guy is d one dancing to her every whim cos guess what, he doesn’t want to lose the financial support he gets from her but she’s wiser now, she gives him false hope but no cash anymore.

  59. Temi

    November 16, 2011 at 9:48 am

    Dear all, Kindly read this comment.

    I was taught by one lecturer not to accept everything they teach me. He said a learned person should know how to analyze, criticize and weigh everything and take the best out of it, i.e sense out of nonesense. Even a pastor can quote the wrong biblical verse, a lecturer could be wrong. That is why Paul told Timothy that he should be careful cos there are ministers who teach heresy. Please, don’t allow anyone push you anyhow and anywhere with opinions. Do check out my comments on other articles please to balance your stand on issues.

    This site is dominated by ladies and i would like you to see the other side too. Ladies act on emotions and i can tell you that decisions taken when one is emotional may not be rational.

    I want to first establish the fact that we all know that its the guys that call their babes more. The guys do the 70-80 % of it (though not in all cases but majority) so if the guy does not call you or has withdrawn, the best thing to do is to analyze and get to the root of the matter rather than assume. Assumption is a disease that kills faster than death.

    If a guy withdraws, some of these could be the reasons why and you could as well ask yourself some of the questions-

    1. Is the lady herself?, Am I sending the wrong signal? From experience, i have seen guys who call ladies for 2–3 months (even more in some cases) and even when the babe likes the guy, the ladies front and act up- they may intentionally leave the phone to ring for a while, they may pick 2 out of 4 calls, e.t.c The signal you are sending to the guy is that you ain’t so much into him or you dont really care.

    Dont forget that while you are doing this, some babes are dying for him outside and they want to get him by all means. Guys are not computers, they cant read your minds. If you are not yourself, if you send the wrong signals, it is possible the guy might withdraw or stop calling. Seen instances you call a babe for a long while that she acts as if she doesnt care and after months, she starts calling you and showing interest again.

    My advice, ladies please be yourself. No need for fronting and acting up. If you like the guy, let him know and vice versa. That doesn’t bring down your worth or value. If a guy is real, wants you and you do to, please dont send the wrong signals.

    2. Relationships are meant for matured minds not kids. Have you ever thought about SPACE? Believe me sincerely, even you as a person, there are times you dont just want to see anyone or talk to anyone; there are times you just feel like seperating from everyone or you dont even want anyone to disturb you. Check out your dad and mum, there are times they will be all over each other and there are times they will be casual- that is human being for you.

    Ever read that Jesus left the whole multitude including His disciples for the wilderness to pray alone? So also as a matured mind, you ve got to realize that if this guy aint calling at the monent, maybe he needs his space. He could be passing through issues.

    He may not have enough to even call; it could be he has invested so much into things and he doesnt have money at the moment to take you out and he may not want to tell you that. So you see, we dont just jump into conlusions, we get facts before we act. Get FACTS before you ACT!

    3. Are you really in love and do you really care? Jokes apart, if the guy has been the one calling and he suddenly stops, the next thing is not to stop immediately as the writer puts up there. Try call for atleast a month, shebi its partnership and companionship right? try work it out a little by doing your own best, then if its the same then you can quit but not immediately as advocated.

    I tell you something sweethearts, real love doesn’t forget a partner easily. If you truly love someone, even if the relationship doesnt work, you still wish him well, you still try to keep in touch cos its love-its a cord, its a spirit, its in the flesh and blood- not just lust.

    4. In my own generation, there is the absence of ENDURANCE. For how long do you want to continue quitting? How many guys do you want to date before you settle down-dont forget people are even counting them for you. In all sincerity, what has KIM (THE KARDASHINS) done to save her marriage? what sacrifice has she made? the guy said hes still interested.

    Listen friends, when you read your bible, the bible dint say the storm, wind and rain will come against the house built on sand alone OR only against the one built on the rock- The temptations and trials will come against both- meaning “these things” will come against any relationship but the foundation you have built yourself-mutual understanding, endurance, love, respect, prayer, communication and Godliness) will be what will save your relationship and marriage.

    I hope i have helped someone who wants to quit, Quitters are never winners or victors!
    before you quit, make sure you have done all those things above, then you will know within yourself that you have done everything possible.

    Blessings

    • Temi

      November 16, 2011 at 10:07 am

      i forgot to add, do you think our fathers and mothers will be together today if they never worked it out?

      They have passed through a lot and because they worked it out, they are still together today. I can recount several times i know that my dad and mum fought-i have one terrible one in my mind when i was small- but today they are still living together peacefully.

      Imagine how your life would have been like without one of your parents? a child can never be balanced without one of the parents.

      Go and check this theory of mine-most of the wayward children, touts and those whose marriage aint standing today never stayed with both parents. I have realized most children who have issues stayed with one parent not both.

      Even the bible says work out your salavtion… you ve got a role to play folks!

    • diamond

      November 16, 2011 at 3:03 pm

      Temi, for the first time, i dont agree with you. if you read the write up crictically, you would see that she’s trying to do all that with no response from the guy at all.
      Shuldnt the guy put an effort too?
      If you are busy or cant afford an outing now, what happened to communication? and i know a girl who deeply loves her guy like this girl does, would understand.
      Idont know if you’ve been down that road before, i pray you dont cause it’s not a funny one. and i support all those who said she should dust & skirts and take the next flight. he’s done with her.
      if they were married, would he start ignoring her he doesnt have money? he’s simply done. Ask guys. they know better

    • Grace B

      November 16, 2011 at 10:16 pm

      Temi,
      I know alot of people who are VERY balanced and are HAPPILY married with kids even though they were raised by just the mother because the father sadly passed away. Although most of your write up makes sense but please be careful with generalizations. It is a known fact that especially in our country Nigeria that lacks good roads and a functioning healthcare system, alot of men and some women are losing their lives in their prime. Many Nigerian women tend to become widows before they even clock 60. How are the children to blame for that if dad died in a ghastly car accident or due to an illness? I also know people who were raised in 2 parent households and yet are a mess because domestic violence where both parents keep fighting and beating each other up was the order of the day in the home. Do you seriously think that those children will grow up balanced? Many grow up and hit their spouses like they watched their parents do. I know of a friend of mine who deliberately chose to remain single because she said she watched her dad always hit her mom and she is terrified that a man will do the same to her if she chose to get married. So much for definately being “balanced” if one grew up in 2 parent household. Lastly, the arowolo guy who murdered his banker wife, did he not grow up in a two parent household? My point is, don’t generalize. There are alot of good people out there who are doctors, lawyers, researchers and accomplished professionals in their chosen fields and good parents to their kids and good spouses to the one they are married to that were raised in single parent households. I personally would rather elect to be raised by one parent than by two parents who fight like cat and dog like your parents did (as you had mentioned). I hate a hostile environment (home) and feel blessed that my kids are being raised in a loving home where my husband and I settle things amicably like two matured adults. Thanks.

    • iya oloja

      November 16, 2011 at 1:08 pm

      @ Temi,…thank you for the kind words…it’s very encouraging…but i will like to point out a few things as well..
      1. Making a general statement that women act on emotions is a fallacy…yes,a lot of women are emotional…but a general statement on it i don’t agree with.
      2. Irrespective of the reasons for their actions i.e the girl fronting etc….The issue is that they should man up and let us know what they’re thinking…as your rightly suggested that men are not computers,most women are not psychics either and so we would want to know what problem you have with us…so instead of sulking and refusing to pick our calls etc…they should just let it out!
      3. On space, i mean if you need some space,just let me know…
      4. On quitting,i don’t think the writer is suggesting that we shouldn’t put in an effort to make our relationships work …the point is,the folks are still single…the guy should want to commit to you on his own accord…you shouldn’t have to fight tooth and nail to get a commitment if he’s really into you…
      In my opinion,do your best to fight for and to make your relationship work…but it’s not a do or die affair…if the guy clearly wants to move on…whats the point in begging him?….or rather what are you begging him for?…it’s a different issue if you’ve done something wrong…otherwise…try and keep the rest of the dignity you have by letting him go…Shikena.

    • Temi

      November 17, 2011 at 8:01 am

      Iya Oloja,
      In response to your first point, Please could you differentiate between these two Enlgish words?

      ALL and MOST or ALL and SOME?

      Then if you do that, kindly point out a single place in that article that the word ALL was used.

      In response to your 2nd point, the fact remains that we all have got a role to play to make it work- You do your part, i do my part and it works.

      On quitting, the writer used the word IMMEDIATELY
      thanks dear

    • onyx

      November 16, 2011 at 2:33 pm

      Okay, I see and appreciate the point you’re making here. However, it’s almost too much to put up with sometimes & women definitely bear the most pain in making a relationship work. If only we can make the men to also follow your advice, wouldn’t this world be free of heart-break?

      *sigh*

    • Temi

      November 16, 2011 at 3:09 pm

      Onyx, a very candid advice for ladies is that when they want to make a choice, let them hammer on one point above all other things- He must be a born again xtian at heart not by name. Sure you know there are some so called xtians that when you stay with them, its hell.

      You see dear, there are so many kinds of men and as the world is coming to an end, evil men/women are waxing stronger and the hearts of men really deceitful so there is no way we can say all men/women should be good- Hope you got that? So as for individuals like us, the best thing to do is to do it right.

      A born again by heart would not cheat (not because of his wife), but because of the fear of God. You remember what Joseph said? He said will i do this and sin against God? not because of His master or anyone, but because of God.

      Even when his wife is not around, he wouldn’t because of the fear of God. When you see a man/woman that is really born again at heart, he/she is selfless, he/she cares, he/she is faithful,e.t.c So you see, what we should do is to order our priorities. The first consideration is that He/she must be a born-again xtian by heart then all other things come afterwards

      Cheers dear

    • Temi

      November 17, 2011 at 7:55 am

      Onyx, a very candid advice for ladies is that when they want to make a choice, let them hammer on one point above all other things- He must be a born again xtian at heart not by name. Sure you know there are some so called xtians that when you stay with them, its hell.

      You see dear, there are so many kinds of men and as the world is coming to an end, evil men/women are waxing stronger and the hearts of men really deceitful so there is no way we can say all men/women should be good- Hope you got that? So as for individuals like us, the best thing to do is to do it right.

      A born again by heart would not cheat (not because of his wife), but because of the fear of God. You remember what Joseph said? He said will i do this and sin against God? not because of His master or anyone, but because of God.

      Even when his wife is not around, he wouldn’t because of the fear of God. When you see a man/woman that is really born again at heart, he/she is selfless, he/she cares, he/she is faithful,e.t.c So you see, what we should do is to order our priorities. The first consideration is that He/she must be a born-again xtian by heart then all other things come afterwards

      Cheers dear

    • barb

      November 16, 2011 at 4:08 pm

      Temi you’re so WISE xxx

    • Temi

      November 16, 2011 at 4:41 pm

      Thanks so much dear
      i appreciate
      xxx

    • Ogb

      November 17, 2011 at 3:08 pm

      @ Temi
      thanks for your objectivity and belief in almighty. Though there is a time to stop, always endeavour to spare some room for patience. it could be easy to claim that you have moved on, but is it really easy? please love for a practical and certified reason and you will never walk out of any genuine relationship.

    • Temi

      November 17, 2011 at 7:44 pm

      Thanks so much dear.
      Happy you saw my point.
      Yea, there is a time to stop but that should be when we have done our best
      Cheers dear

    • Tomi

      November 18, 2011 at 1:39 am

      Hi Temi,

      I do agree with what you said about trying to find out facts and not just jumping into conclusion. I’ve had instances,although you can call them trivial cases, nonetheless, they still teach me the important lesson of not jumping into conclusion. In one of the instances, I came across this old primary school mate on facebook, sent her a message and added her as friend, and guess what, she didn’t respond. I felt really bad. After sometime, facebook suggested her to me again, and I added her again. To my surprise, she accepted, replied my message and we started chatting. What happened was facebook had blocked her cos someone reported her something like that. I realise that if I never tried to add her again, I would probably have had a very bad impression about her.

      So yea, it’s always a good idea to find out stuff. But permit me to borrow what you said about relationship not being for kids. Why should a man who is not a KID stop all sof contact from a lady he was in a relationship with. They are IN A RELATIONSHIP, not just dating (i.e. getting to know each other). The manly/logical thing to do would be to give a reason why? I’m sorry to say, it’s a very wicked thing to do, irrespective of the reason(s) behind it. How can you say maybe he doesn’t have money to take her out and doesn’t want to tell her, that makes no sense whatsoever and it’s a very silly thing to do.

    • Temi

      November 18, 2011 at 7:58 am

      Hi Tomi,
      Happy you tried accepting your friend again. We can deduce from that too that not all our opinions and assumptions about people are right-so always good to get facts.

      I do agree with you dear on your last point about maturity but would like you to read my reply to Onyx. Not all Old men/women are matured. There are so many aged people who are babies up there.

      Kindly read what i suggested to her

      Cheers dear

    • Temiloluwa

      November 18, 2011 at 7:28 am

      hmmm… i see your points Temi… interesting. be back later

    • iKnow

      November 18, 2011 at 4:23 pm

      thank u ooo. temi, i was wondering at all these girls sayin they will quit. isnt a relationshp a patnershp, smtimes one person has to carry d weight of the relatshp. i hate it when people are sop quick to quit, how many will u quit? what happend to tolerance, endurance? love is long suffering…. you claim u love him, yet u wanna quit, do u think marriage is all rosy? abeg joor…
      sometimes, ejire, just writes a lot of bull and spews out for unsuspecting naive female minds… you girls should b careful who’s advice you take.
      that is all

    • Temi

      November 18, 2011 at 5:39 pm

      thanks dear
      you just hit my real passion on the head

      Most ladies have been advised wrongly about their relationships
      If we want our relationships & marriages to work like that of our parents, then we must uphold their values but if we want it to be like that of Kim(72hours) we can continue with this modern views that wont take us anywhere.

      No matter what, we must always count the cost as Jesus said and weigh all options before any action and decision we take.

      Cheers dear

    • Temi

      November 18, 2011 at 5:56 pm

      thanks dear, you just hit my real passion on the head and that is why i have taken it upon me to try show the other side of these write ups here. Many people dont have a mind of their own so they buy any idea written by anyone.

      Most ladies have been advised wrongly about their relationships.The marriage as an institution is under attack by the devil and its really sad that most people aint aware that there are satanic agents whose sole mission is to destroy what God has created. You see friends advise ladies about their guys/men wrongly.

      Saw a movie recently where a lady was advised to be checking her hubby’s undies and all that,dat he must be cheating inwhich the guy never did. she started misbehaving and destroyed her marriage just cos of ill-advice

      Whose voice you wanna listen to? that of God or a mere mortal man?

      If we want our relationships & marriages to work like that of our parents, then we must uphold their values but if we want it to be like that of Kim(72hours) we can continue with this modern views that wont take us anywhere.

      No matter what, we must always count the cost as Jesus said and weigh all options before any action and decision we take.

      Cheers dear

    • lapal

      November 25, 2011 at 5:55 pm

      What the writer and many people that have been there is that they have suffered long enough. the girl or guy did not just stop calling them for one day. they are talking about years. how long can you carry the load that is for two people. Just hope and pray you are in the category of the stalker

  60. Bamz

    November 16, 2011 at 9:59 am

    True talk Ejire & Thanks Jordan, you words were quite soothing. Looking @ things from God’s perspective always makes things a lot easier. If we remove God from the picture it becomes frustrating & plain hopeless. I have had major heartbreaks in my life & at a point I began to feel cursed.Stopping is never easy but God is faithful & indeed we are stronger than we think. Thanks Ejire for a stimulating write up

  61. Chynadollng

    November 16, 2011 at 11:51 am

    Ejire, thank for this write up..
    So on point Jordan.#thumbsup
    I sha wont kii mysef beacuse one man said he does’nt want to do again?
    I have been there and i can truly say that it is hard..but here i am on the other side 12years later…married to a good guy and having a good life…so wetin remain? And yes, we are all stronger than we think we are…the God factor is so so important..hold on to that.

  62. Chynadollng

    November 16, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    *thanks

  63. curious c

    November 16, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    Great read. Plus the fact that most of us can see/smell a breakup a mile away that is before it finally hits us but choose to ignore all warnings. I know there are no hard and fast rules to it but it doesn’t hurt to be more prayerful, vigilant and tactical. Even the Bible says ‘Watch and Pray’

  64. Nomy

    November 16, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    Gbam!!!

  65. barb

    November 16, 2011 at 4:18 pm

    Temi, you genuis, i agree with you 101 percent.xx

    • Temi

      November 16, 2011 at 4:46 pm

      Thanks so much love
      i appreciate

    • Johnson

      November 17, 2011 at 1:58 am

      No he is NOT a genius. A genius will give a balanced point of view rather than a stereotypical or generalized one that leads to prejudice which so many Nigerians shamelessly practice and are so darn good at.

    • Temi

      November 17, 2011 at 7:52 am

      Johnson, learned people neither waste their time arguing or criticizing (which is all we do in Africa), they rather give their own quota which i have done up there.

      The best you can do is to give your own quota and people will appreciate you for that.

      However, back to your response, it seems to me you didnt read the article well. If you talk about generalizations like Grace too said up there, When you generalize, you use the word *****ALL*****. Can you point out a single place in my article where i used the word ALL?

      T

  66. donotgiveupeasily

    November 16, 2011 at 5:03 pm

    Temi just balanced the talk. Kudos to Ejire.
    don’t think i want to waste all my life-line on any relationship. would either fone a friend or walk away!

  67. cathy

    November 16, 2011 at 6:30 pm

    real talk babe

  68. stephanie

    November 16, 2011 at 11:15 pm

    love this

  69. Purpleicious Babe

    November 17, 2011 at 12:52 am

    Well…….

    what can I say…. experience is the only teacher….

    • clement margaret

      December 10, 2011 at 6:36 pm

      i agree to that statement is truely an experience, because i have gone through relationship that nearly cost me my head.

  70. ify

    November 17, 2011 at 4:27 am

    lol i have a friend in this same situation i dont care wat temi says she is a bigggg Fooolllllllll…..i see wat she goes through everyday its so not worth it for a mere bf…
    my 2 cents…

  71. Bolaina

    November 17, 2011 at 10:00 am

    From experience i know that all you have said is very true. I learnt to stop many years ago. It is wisdom to know when to S.T.O.P cause you can never make a person love you. If you truly love yourself you wont let anyone treat you like a rag in their own life. Know your WORTH….S.T.O.P

  72. PD

    November 17, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    Ejire thank u oh….stoping all my stalkish behavior……moving on to the next 1 jare!!!

  73. nkiru

    November 17, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    Temi, I think your points are irrational as regards this article because; like when you mentioned that men are not computer, you should not 4get that women ain’t either. If a guy is having financial difficulty or needed some space, what happens to communication, he should be able to like ‘babe see I’m going through a difficult time now, will really need ……..”.
    According to the story, the girl continued calling, sending messages and all that u know! Hoping that her guy will turn a new leaf but he didn’t…I will only stand by a guy who respects me.
    Thank you Ejire…..I hope ladies should be wise and most importantly that God will help us all…

    • Temi

      November 17, 2011 at 7:51 pm

      Nkiru dear,
      my points are not targeted at the story line rather at the lessons and conclusions of the writer.

      If you read the first paragraph, you will get the rationale behind my comment which is to balance up the article. I said the site is dominated majorly be females and its a good thing to always consider the other side of the coin rather than conclude based on one witness. We should try to be objective in all we do- thats the emphasy

      cheers dear

  74. Sett

    November 17, 2011 at 11:54 pm

    my own question is – who is Temi? Is she/he a bellanaija team or is just borrowing space to air her thoughts? cos i scroll down and all i read na Temi. Either way, pls allow others to comment their reserves by reserving your comment. abi na everythign u go dey respond to? I just struggle with the way you tend to monopolize threads and some threads tend to become “Temi’s Opinion”. you cna’t school everyone here can you?

    • Babygirlie

      November 18, 2011 at 8:33 am

      lmao, people are talking about important issues this one is busy beefing the he/she.
      I smell something here (jealousy). you dont even have anything to contribute to the subject of discussion. Were you forced to read it? hahaha. Abegi leave the he/she alone

    • Sett

      November 18, 2011 at 8:13 pm

      so how can one be jealous of a name? lmao. you make me laugh. Temi to me seems to be insistent on “educating” everyone who diagrees with him/her. that, to me is strange. i like color and diversity of thoughts. life is not linear. i’m sure the author intends for a broad range of reactions right? but when Temi is here answering everyone…errrrm…ok pele babygirlie, i hope discussion board opinion helps reshape your value system o. hahhahahah.

  75. lol

    November 18, 2011 at 4:02 am

    ahh finally someone with some sense Ejire we share the same belief1!! Dat all

  76. dewunmi

    November 18, 2011 at 11:36 am

    Ok,I feel like sharing my story,I had dis guy who was my friend for over 3 years and started dating him,it was so lovely at first,calling,messages coming to see me,taking me out and all then he changes,no calls unless I call,no messages except to respond to mine,even when I visit he would refuse to pick his calls or open the door for me,I realized I was stalker so I prayed and picked up courage and walked away now the guy is coming back with full force,loving up,calling severally even coming to my house without my permission sometimes it takes you to stop to bring them back to their senses and sometimes they wont ever come back though but its best to stop cos the pain I went through when I was stalking is ten times worse than the pain I felt when I picked up the courage to let him go btw am not going back to him though…..

  77. Nini

    November 18, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    Word…..

  78. Madam

    November 18, 2011 at 9:18 pm

    Please, people need to know when to STOP. I am currently paying extra per month to keep an allowance setting on my phone plan that allows me to block the number of a guy that refused to STOP! If someone moves on, please do the same….don’t be giving people stress.

    • Oyinade

      November 21, 2011 at 12:21 pm

      The question for you is this, did you tell him to STOP, or are you just hoping he will get the message, by blocking his calls? It makes it easier for the person, when you tell them, you are no longer interested in the relationship and explain why.

  79. Unisex

    November 18, 2011 at 11:28 pm

    This all food for thought. The author makes some good points and so does Temi. Deep down you always know when to move on.

  80. LADY

    November 19, 2011 at 12:38 am

    Nice article. I just wish that actions were easier to carry out than mere spoken words. I’m saying this because I can relate to the story of the broken hearted girl. No one was there when she and her man professed un-dying love for each other and when he looked into her eyes and meant every word he said. No one was there when he took her to his parents and they fell in love with her and tagged her as their future daughther in law. No one was there when they held each other up in their deep struggles and completed each others jokes and sentences. So when this guy left her, it was like something in her died but at the same time, that thing was still physically alive here on earth. The normal action people who are in love will take, is to fight to restore things and the process is extremelly painful. Sometimes I wish everyone could fall deeply in love and then get their hearts broken. Maybe that will stop people from judging the broken hearted or so-called “stalkers”. Only time can heal/stop them and every wound is not the same as everyone is not the same. Some wounds take longer to heal than others and healing doesnt mean that u’ll ever stop loving someone, it just means that your heart has finally accepted that that person will never want to be with you.

  81. DeniseAnnie

    November 19, 2011 at 9:41 am

    #Gbam#….I work with the saying ‘you mean to me whatever I mean to you’..makes it real easy.

  82. putey

    November 21, 2011 at 7:43 pm

    easy to say, am a living testimony. i cannot remember how many times i have given myself pep talks and ‘vowed’ to move on, only for him to call and give one filmsy excuse (at times, he doesnt even bother) and we are back at square one. i know its lame, but i just cannot help it.

  83. Tcute

    November 21, 2011 at 11:59 pm

    @Temi…..the Bible says Husbands love your wives and wives submit to your husbands. As a woman….u are patient and u endure, try to work things out and dont quit in MARRIAGE not in a relationship. If in a relationship u av tried ur best and giving it ur all and the Guy is not just that into you…..you STOP and move on.

  84. Loretta

    November 23, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    Is just the truth my dear. God bless you real good for this word of lifting.

  85. Mandy

    November 24, 2011 at 2:47 am

    Ladies should really learn when to stop. i have been there and it’s not worth the stress. When a guy is tired, nothing can change his mind even if you ping him a million times and his phone had to vibrate at each one. i had a relationship that lasted for 5 years. He kept cheating and told me severally but i’d cry and afterwards forgive him until he broke up with me eventually. He’s getting married this weekend. It broken me into piece. I’m back now on my feet and i know better to move when i start getting the signs.

  86. Yvonne

    November 24, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    I cant say i know how it feels to be so heart broken because I tend to protect myself before i get to that stage. However when I see my friends being “stalkers”, i just get so damn dissapointed. I tell them to stop, dont call, dont send any sms, no flash, nothing! But yet, they still do it and then I start to think maybe everyone cant be strong willed like myself and allow them to go through the whole stalker stage until they finally realise its all over.
    It’s just difficult to watch how they torture themselves just so to “save” a relationship that doesnt want to be saved!

  87. kemy

    November 25, 2011 at 5:27 am

    bn where’s my comment

  88. sensation

    November 25, 2011 at 5:16 pm

    i totally agree.

  89. lapal

    November 25, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    The writer is definitely right. @ Temi. we are not talking about calling for a month. we are talking about a guy who wants to marry like yesterday and now he does not know when he said that. or a guy that when he sent you messages before. he accords you all the sweetness but now when he manages to send you a message it is a general message to every one else. he can’t even address you by name. it is man that had a special name for you before but now can not even call your really name.And because at one time you know all his contact. you email him, call , text, face-book him and no answer. This is a person as soon as you get on to your instant message they are they first one to say Hi. before you wake up they send you a love voice note on bb. when all that stop and you have tried and women are resilient we try for years not months. So my great women when a guy starts to behave like it was not him that asked you out in the first place asked to be his girl and now you need to chase him around the world. I think it is time To STOP. that is what I am doing. STOP

  90. lapal

    November 25, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    @ putey. you need to stop. I have been there a lot of time and I know it is not easy. But it is better to stop today than to wait for tomorrow. Your heart is going to break to pieces but someone is going to come along and you will forget how sweet he/ She is or was.

  91. commy

    November 26, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    Hmmmm,can’t stop laughing at all d comments,ve being der and I can say dat its not easy 2 put a stop wen u no is tym 2 take dat step. The last relationship I got in2,I applied the stop principle wen d guy started acting as if he wasn’t d one dat was all over me few month back.I stopped taking his calls and even deleted him from my bbm & now he’s trying all means to come back

  92. made

    November 29, 2011 at 10:26 am

    this is my first day to comment b/c this article really fit my situation i love this article

  93. Shola

    November 29, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    I can so relate to this article right now, going through the exact same thing and this article is giving me the strenght I need to walk away. lol @Forced Romeo

  94. ify

    November 30, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    I like the part…move pick up myself, chic-up and move forward with renewed hope… u go gurl. That’s the way to go! One can’t continue crying over spilt milk. Thanks for this piece.

  95. snowpal

    November 30, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    this is just the very thing i need to hear its stale tale though but it makes a whole lot of sense to put it up as an article cuz we just live in total denial and brood over broken eggs.Most ladies knw the truth but hvn’t got the courage to pick themselves up,chic-up and move forward.

  96. Nikki

    December 5, 2011 at 9:09 am

    Spot on Ejire!!!! word in season!

  97. chychy

    December 10, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    Great article Ejire….av gained so much from all ur contributions. ladies lets learn to S.T.O.P and take a walk when necessary

  98. rica

    December 10, 2011 at 11:54 pm

    Hmm, my own, a guy chased me persistently for sometime and when I eventually agreed, he flew all the way to come visit me abroad where I live…Introduced me to his family and invited me to attend his cousins wedding. However, when he arrived the states to visit, I could see there was not any spark between us, and I spoke to him about it. He said I should be patient with him, and that it takes him time to connect emotionally…and so I said okay..But deep down within me, I knew there was something off. He flew all the way to the states solely to see me…but acted really weird when we met in person. For the one week he was here, I never kissed or slept with him, just hug. As at late september, I heard he was planning on going back to his ex. So i told him about the rumours and he said that wasnt possible.As at eary october, he was discussing the costs of tickets (which he is supposed to pay for anyway) for me to attend his cousins wedding and meet his family. Forward one week after, he said he wanted a break, with no good explanation. For 7 weeks, I never heard from him. I contacted him once or twice via bb to say hello..anyway, I eventuallu made up my mind to walk away. So i contacted his dad (out of courtesy) as he had been keeping in touch with me for a long time and was looking forward to meeting me. I contacted him to tell him I wasnt coming anymore, and I just dont wanna act rude by not showing up. Only for him to say his son said I did A…., his friend contacted me later and said the guy told him I did B…someone else contacted me and said the guy said I did C…apparently, he couldnt giev any of the people that introduced him to me a particular why he wanted to end things, and so he gave over 4 different people 4 different stories….Cos he had no explanation for wanting to end things with an amazing person like me..Believe me, I am (hehehe), else he wont have about 10 people trying to hook him up with one girl (me). However, I think (dont know) but I think him and his girlfriend broke up, and he needed someone to be with incaseshe doesnt come back (cos I heard they got back together). However, he knew I wasnt really into the relationship especially with the distance, but he always assured me things would be fine since especially as I said I would be moving back to Naija after school. He said when I get to naija, it would be easier for us to connect as we in same country. But all this while, he spent all that money, flew all the way just to use me as a Plan B. I dont hate him, I dont despise him, but I wish he had enough intergity in him to say, lets end things this way and be friends..and this is why. Rather than tell me that you are so busy, and I should be patient while u take a break to setttle some things (apparently settle u and ur ex issues)…He was able to fly to the US as he holds UK citizenship…It was easy to walk away as I never got intimate with him…and also, because deep down in my heart, I felt this isnt it..Gods got something better for me. But I was busy listening to friends that said, he flew all the way to US just to see u…haba, cut him some slack and be patient…But in all, i am still optimistic and hopeful about love..I am praying for Gods best for me in choice of a life partner. Imagine been married to this guy, and he would be gallivanting with his ex. In all I am gratefful for the way things ended cos God didnt allow me live a life of regret and shame.
    We always know deep down within when something isnt right, but we keep believing thinsg would get better, or in my case, listen to friends…

    • rica

      December 10, 2011 at 11:58 pm

      Too many typos…just ignore the typos and read d story, cos I know many english teachers would start pointing out mistakes…

  99. rica

    December 10, 2011 at 11:55 pm

    One week after*

  100. Irene

    December 11, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    Hmmm…….so many stories so many experiences…[email protected]…i feel your pain…He should have atleast let ypu in on his thoughts for the relationship rather that walk away as if u did not deserve any explanation…I think you are better off with out him.. and please don’t N-V who he got married to cos when they start having Marital issues you can imagine what he will do…

  101. Jamce

    December 12, 2011 at 5:32 am

    Great article. As some said he or she who feels it knows it. In relationship issues, there are no hard and fast rules of resolving them. The best solution is that suggested by Temi which is being born-again and being led by the Spirit of God. But before you start seeking that truly born-again brother or sister for a relationship and marriage you must ask yourself whether you are truly born-again. If you are not truly born-again at heart, the cycle of heartbreak will just continue. Be blessed.

  102. meee

    December 14, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    @Temi, i really dont know if you are Male or Female but i think if you are female and have gone through rejection atleast once then you would see a whole lot of sense in this article. I had to STOP at a time when i was in a situation like the one talked about in the article and hey am the better for it today.

  103. taesugar

    December 16, 2011 at 2:36 am

    this article is one that is particularly close to my heart, not just for the write-up but even the responses. sorry to digress, but i’d appreciate if you guys could let me know your thoughts on this:
    growing up in a dysfunctional home (yes, the truth) left me desiring the devoted life of a nun by the age of ten. why marry if it was going to be so full of pain, anger, resentment, tears, everything but love? this went on till i was older and saw other people in happy relationships and i thought, it’s not that terrible. then i fell in love with my first…i thought things were good, but eventually with time, he became distant. i called, and tried to always be around him, cos i thought that it would get better, but it didn’t. there were always excuses as to why he couldn’t be around, i couldn’t visit, blah blah. he eventually broke up with me, and for the next two years i was struggling with depression. it was tough, even remembering that now, because if i had known this then, perhaps i would have had a healthier relationship, and maybe have seen past the ‘panda’ the originals that were and are.
    now, though i’m over the episode, i still feel haunted by different thoughts. i have been in other (failed) relationships, and at some point, i’m beginning to think that i’m the problem. i’m a homey person, and like these people, but as soon as i see something wrong, i try to deal with it till i can’t, then i leave. what do you think?

  104. Fine Woman

    December 16, 2011 at 5:30 pm

    Hmm.. Wish it was that easy. As I speak, I am in a worse case. I am dating a very close Colleague who is in a serious relationship but d lady lives in another state. We where close friends until June this year when we started dating. I am in love with him and we are always together but I noticed he doesn’t tell me things abt himself since we started dating and hasn’t told anyone abt me, though he claims he wants to marry me
    . Just found out he has other flings too but I still can’t break up with him. Please advice.

  105. Fine Woman

    December 16, 2011 at 10:39 pm

    Forgot to add, the same dude doesn’t give me money or gifts and calls lies about wanting to breakup with his girl for some reasons but yet, calls her severally every day.

  106. funmi

    December 19, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    dis write up makes alot of sense,i love it,its like a mirror.

  107. ell

    December 21, 2011 at 10:08 am

    i could’nt agree more wif u. but i fink she should bring d rlationship to an end b4 moving on. some guys have dis annoying attitude of ‘coming back’ when they see that u have moved on. she should brace up, and see him, not to whine and beg but to get her dignity back.

  108. stella.m.w.

    December 22, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    You’re the only one I wish I could forget
    The only one I’d love enough to not forgive
    And though you break my heart, you’re the only one
    And though there are times when I hate you
    Cause I can’t erase
    The times that you hurt me
    And put tears on my face
    And even now while I hate you
    It pains me to say
    I know I’ll be there at the end of the day

    I don’t want a broken heart
    I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl..No..No..
    No broken-hearted girl
    Broken-hearted girl No…no…
    No broken-hearted girl
    No broken-hearted girl
    lol(and i guess u dont wanna play d brokrn hearted boy oh noo).

  109. Jatropha

    December 23, 2011 at 12:20 pm

    Though well written,even the author of this article can’t move on easily when dumped.The truth is that both male/females gets emotionally dis-balanced when dumped especially when nothing warrants that.We must therefore be circumstantially discretionary as records show that some women who begged/stalked later won their hubby back and things went on rosy afterwards.

  110. Mohamed Fofana

    January 14, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    That is quite impressive, i got nothing even to say….

  111. HIT the S.T.O.P button yesterday!

    January 23, 2012 at 2:47 am

    Had been talking to this guy for about 6 months no committment which was fine….until I started to really like him. I asked the guy straight out how he felt about me. After giving me some BS diplomatic answer I knew it was done. It hurt yes but I woke up today feeling very proud of myself. It’s nice to see that I’m not the only one who is experiencing this

  112. elizachee

    January 23, 2012 at 11:36 pm

    Temi has spoken well.

  113. seun

    February 7, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    word…i guess av also bn a stalker of late n its time to stop

  114. fish

    March 1, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    i really need an answer to this – why would a guy invest so much time , money, energy , passion and ‘supposed’ commitment in a relationship for a very long time and suddenly… i mean SUDDENLY he changes and all u begin to see is his shadow. Without anything done wrong on your part or at least without him been able to tell u where u went wrong? ???? It happened to me, i was in a “perfect” relationship for 5yrs. The guy would move the world for me, he would worship the very ground i walked on and suddenly after five years and coincidentally exactly when i had fallen totally in love, he started acting funny. I did all the calling, i was always and the only one initiating visits .. That kept on for 3 yrs,, each time i cry, add/delete,add/delete, add/delete his contacts ,, i was so heartbroken at a stage i was hospitalised. And this was my first boyfriend! after 8yrs in all,, one day i woke up and felt strong. I knew it was time to let go. Ladies, we really have to know when to STOP because no matter how hard u try to believe if u put more effor it may work, it takes TWO to make it work..

  115. wemimo

    March 8, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    nice one ejire….time to move on n stop tinkin bout ds goat..

  116. smiling

    July 24, 2013 at 4:56 pm

    @fish am was in your shoes 3yrs now, add/delete, add/ delete, i have decided to move on .. and i no i wont regret it

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