I really need your advice on an important decision I need to make.
Luckily, my story is not dramatic or tragic like some I have seen on here but it’s still very vital. I am asking on this forum because I want independent advice and also experiences from others who may have been through similar. Thank you!
I am very grateful that my husband is doing really well at work. He has been placed in an “executive track”, what that means is that due to his performance and other attributes, he is being groomed for a major leadership role at the multinational where he works. I also have a good job which I like and have been climbing up the corporate ladder. Our children are quite young and I love the school they attend and all that.
Here is the dilemma. As part of this executive track, we are going to be moving from posting to posting over the next few years. I love travelling and new places so it’s exciting – the UAE, Qatar, Angola, the UK and Texas in the USA are a few destinations where my husband will have to work over the next few years. As his company will be responsible for all these moves, I know we will be living well. I also know that these moves are important for hubby to reach the career heights he always dreamed of so I am very happy and excited.
Sounds nice but here is the problem. With these moves, I will have to give up my career for at least the next 5 years.
Veteran expat wives have told me that in many of these countries, my spouse visa will not enable me to work and even if it does, finding a job can be extremely difficult. The way I was raised, I was brought up to be very independent, even my father empahasized this! Now, no career progression, no personal income for half a decade sounds so scary! Also after the 5 year mark with no experience, even if I try to reeneter the workforce, it will be difficult.
I have discussed this with my husband and he is supportive but he jokes that I should relax and enjoy the ride. That he will even pay me a salary. With his pay package and all the perks, we honestly do not need the extra income but he understands my concerns.
Here are my options at the moment. Please let me know your thoughts and I will especially like to hear from women or men who have been in similar situations with their spouses! Thank you
Enjoy the ride! Becoming a lady of leisure lol but more seriously, I would spend more time with our children and also supporting my husband. I have also explored the possibility of doing another degree but some of these countries do not allow study with a spouse visa and some of my husband’s postings do not last for up to the 12 months required. Besides, I already have 2 advanced degrees so will not want to do another just because…
Stay in Nigeria or in a “neutral” country (UK or US) so hubby can visit regularly and children are in a stable environment
I was seriously leaning towards this till major drama occurred in our estate a few weeks ago. A Caucasian lady arrived and wrecked havoc. Guess what? her husband is an expat and she stumbled upon a post on Facebook featuring pictures from his traditional wedding to a young Nigerian lady! She flew down immediately and honestly, I thought only our naija people can “scatter” like this. It was so major! When she calmed down, she explained that she stayed back in Holland with their children while her husband moved to Nigeria, even my husband confirmed that based on what he knew about this gentleman (the husband), he is not the philandering type and had always been responsible so this new “marriage” was totally out of character. That just really scared the daylights out of me. Though my husband is not that type at all, I felt it was a sign that I should cancel this option.
Mrs Globe Trotter
Photo Credit: Stock Image via 23RF
Aunty Bella is our Agony Aunt column on BellaNaija – to participate please send an email to features (at) bellanaija.com