I packed my things and left his house. I took all the shoes he bought to mark our achievements together and all the dresses I wore for every date and I left him. I left when he was away at work so he wouldn’t be able to stop me. I could not stand seeing his tears. I know he loves me. I love him too, same way I loved Sanmi, Tito and Kevin. But I can’t stay. Not another day.
I’m sure you are wondering what I’m all about. Allow me to introduce myself.
My name is Bolade. I’m a loner. I’ve always been one, but somehow some way, guys always get attracted to me. I tell them I can’t stay. Still they persist. They keep coming back and eventually I succumb to their demands.
I don’t like boys. They remind me of my father and I hate him. The only memories I have of him are those of him chasing my mother with a belt while I wailed unnoticed in a a corner of the room. I have faint memories of the neighbors banging on the door trying to help my mother and I, all to no avail.
He died in a car crash. My mother cried. I didn’t. They all said I was too young to understand what was going on. I was ten at the time. I understood perfectly. I understood that there was someone in heaven who heard my prayers and took away my father. I still think my mother cried because it was expected of her and not because she was truly sad. I have never been good at pretending.
That’s why I can’t pretend to be happily engaged. I watched him slip the emerald-studded ring down my finger this morning. I couldn’t say a word, my voice got caught in my throat. He took it as a good sign. I was too happy to speak. He made love to me but I was as stiff as a board, all the while devising the perfect escape plan.
I couldn’t get married. No way! I had vowed never to subject myself to such physical abuse. My mother had enough suffering for us both. She is still broken. I was just a glued piece of work myself. Marriage could be for everyone, but not me.
He would look for me. The moment he gets home and he isn’t greeted by the aroma of his meal, he would go in search of me. Then he will find the house devoid of my belongings. Maybe he would understand what I always said to him.
For now I will put up in a place, sort my life out and decide what next to do with myself. The cheap hotel down the road looks good enough. I turn around to notice the intense stare of a well dressed man. My next victim was here already.
Photo Credit: singleblackmale.org
Rolayo Williams is a soon-to-be dentist by profession, a writer when inspired, and a wannabe chef to a certain few. A total product of grace, and a non-apologetic Christian. She loves LOVE and has big dreams. Rolayo shares her thoughts on her blog – Heartstrings & Keynotes