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Is it Really Difficult for a Successful Lady to Find True Love?

BellaNaija.com

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She works hard for the money.

You have probably heard through conversations with aunties, friends or even parents, that men, especially African men do not like women who are more successful than they are.

“Don’t drive a big car unless no man will look at you” or “Stop telling him you are independent woman, he’ll think you are proud and don’t appreciate him”, how true is this?

Seyi Shay - August 2014 - BellaNaija.com 01
In an interview with Punch, Seyi Shay says that is exactly the case when asked about the question.
“Yes I feel so. I don’t feel like I have so much money; I feel like for my age, I am on my way there. I am just praying and hoping that the person I marry is somebody that is just as successful as I am but if not, is able to support me in my career.”

What’s Your Take?
Is it truly hard for a woman in this century to have the money, and not the man?
Let’s Talk About It!
Photo Credit: Dreamstime.com/Andres Rodriguez | TCD Photography

39 Comments

  1. Seun Lawal

    August 16, 2014 at 6:45 am

    I think some Nigerian men definitely feel treathened by successful women. I was given the same advice and told to hide my success. Luckily I believe when you are dating a guy you should be able to see the signs that he would not support your success. When you see those signs please move on!
    There will always be men who would support you or who are more successful than you already.

    • Author Unknown

      August 16, 2014 at 4:14 pm

      Well said Seun. My problem though is with this ‘hiding your success’ thing. How do you do that? Since we’re on the topic of financial success, I am guessing that means to live a less flashy lifestyle. The reality of it is that you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Financially unsuccessful women have issues finding good husbands too, afterall. If you successfully “hide” it to get him to the altar, what makes you think it won’t become a problem IN MARRIAGE. Isn’t that worse? Naija women need to stop living their lives for their future husband. And to think our parents encourage this behaviour? Our issues are very deep.

  2. pearl

    August 16, 2014 at 6:45 am

    A woman who will be proud and not submissive will be whether or not she is more successful than her man. As far as the man loves and is supportive. Also applies to the woman then the sky will be their beginning

  3. teekay

    August 16, 2014 at 7:21 am

    Well ve always had this fear and I ve realised that money as been a major issue in families. However I belive that if u r a career person Pls endeavour to marry someone like that so you both would grow together, at least even if u r successful, he also wud be in his own field and envy wud reduce

  4. bruno

    August 16, 2014 at 7:26 am

    Look at Oprah, tyra banks, even ellen degeneres, all have cash, all have either an emmy oscar, or grammy, u don’t need a man to make it happen, men are losing control in society and I like that, I pity nigerian women who say, “god pls let my future husband be rich” so shallow and dumb, why can’t you pray for ur self to be rich, nigerian ladies wake up, you should buy that car/house/bag/phone yourself, don’t wait for someone with a pen!s to do it for you.

    • trina

      August 16, 2014 at 8:13 am

      God bless you for this comment, it irritates the hell out of me when is see that rich cheater or broke and faithful picture and you see young women commenting rich and unfaithful what happened to your hands that you don’t want to make money for yourself? Are you disabled? 90% of Lagos girls goal and aspirations is just to snag a rich man. Did they swear for you that you cannot be rich too? It’s 2014 my fellow women wake up. When you’re busy getting yours and building your empire all thus ignorant talk won’t concern you

    • Observer

      August 16, 2014 at 8:33 am

      Daddy issues much?

    • django

      August 16, 2014 at 10:23 am

      lmao….. bruno is clearly a lesbian

    • ify

      August 18, 2014 at 12:37 pm

      i 2nd u to dat. well said

  5. stephanie

    August 16, 2014 at 8:21 am

    Thats exactly hw 90% of naija guys feel o. I was discussing with a guy once and told him I love d fact that I was trying to be independent nd not rely on a guy nd his reply was that I was too proud nd that I need a man to do everything for me or I won’t get it right….na wa o

    • Changing Faces

      August 16, 2014 at 7:20 pm

      So you spoke to one guy and concluded that 90% of Nigerian men think like him?

  6. Observer

    August 16, 2014 at 8:54 am

    My wife’s the best thing that has ever happened to, by, me. Our ‘money issues’ are nobody’s business; we are both fulfilled in a way that’s pretty lasting as of now… not just ‘successful’, however you wanna define it… there’s a huge difference between those words.

    Any woman can find what you call ‘true love’, no matter what her financials.
    Comments like “Don’t buy a big car, don’t tell him…” just astound me, really. You have to be careful of trite sayings and kitchen-table advice like the above.

    My two naira.

  7. Teezy

    August 16, 2014 at 9:02 am

    Unfortunately it is true, I wonder why it is such an issue with Nigerian society. When you look at people from India, they encourage power-coupling and these people have successful stable relationships and go on to have successful children. I agree with one of the comments, our Men are loosing grip of society, as a result women have had to fend for themselves and become successful. A woman with a bad and unsubmissive character is just that, whether she is successful or not. A lot of fantastic potential wives and home makers have been overlooked- because they were successful. May God help our society.

    • nene

      August 16, 2014 at 10:46 pm

      gbam. but successful women tend to have egos that are similar to that of a man, and some men can’t deal with that, especially African men. if i’m successful and hardworking it should be a positive thing, not a negative in my life.

  8. Ck

    August 16, 2014 at 11:30 am

    So I met my ex husband while living in the abroad n we started dating, spent all my savings n earning on his business (I owned 50% on it) but being far away it took too long b4 I realised there’s no hope for a biz that hasn’t recovered up to 5% of the capital – was upset that though he was on ground seeing it flop yet encouraged me to keep investing – couldn’t understand how you’d do that to someone u love. He never apologised for my loss. While we were preparing for our trad just a month after that he came up with new idea for me to invest I insisted I was done with businesses he insisted I told him this would be my last n he agreed gave him d cash

    3 weeks after the trad he became a different person more demanding. Acting like my money is his right, very rude etc only few weeks later he was back saying he’d gone halfway with d project n run out of cash though I insisted on bringing no more he said it’ll be my fault if I don’t help n dis biz flop too so again I gave. Alas it flopped n again no apology. We started preparation for white wedding he never asked me for cash I paid 99% n he still owes d vendors remaining 1% (I’ve refused to pay it). He insisted on honeymoon in Europe told him it’s stressful , n expensive he insisted I refused (found out he was trying to get me to pay holiday cost so he can go there for biz) problem is we are supposed to apply for his visa immediately after marraige so just like me he can get job in uk n spend them all in NAIA investment if he wants, this drama went on (started after traditional wedding n continued) finally he got uk visa n i realised he’s too good for 9-5 wanted me to work n he goes to school, also wanted me to take in ASAP because he was insecure and wanted to tie me down. I spent the rest of our marraige forcing him to work n to allow me do my business without him complaining when my meeting is with a man.

    Long story short, he’s insecure, refused to work, complains about every breathe I take, won’t do any house chores, won’t eat food that’s been in fridge etc so I kicked his ass out of my life n I’m now dating a very very very successful guy I met long before him n guess what I don’t care if people call me a gold digger. After all I’m only 24 and have a long life ahead of me

    • Ck

      August 16, 2014 at 11:33 am

      This new guy loves me. He insists on doing d cooking while I clean, n he respects me, n for the first time my salary goes a long way in taking care of my daily needs. I even have savings now but previously my credit history was a mess what a life I chose then

    • Femi

      August 16, 2014 at 11:12 pm

      Will you in your own honesty assume responsibility for your choice and stop throwing blames ? You chose him its your decision plus yOu said he is behaving like your money is his, turn it round is his money yours too if you have done trad like you said.

    • nene

      August 16, 2014 at 10:48 pm

      i love you for what you did. good riddance!

  9. Ladies make don’t let insecure men stop u, make ALL the money u can & invest in 5 or more rabbits. #SelfLove literally

  10. Africhic

    August 16, 2014 at 12:14 pm

    Sick to death of this topic.

    Don’t be with someone that doesn’t value you. It works both ways.

  11. Ndubuisi

    August 16, 2014 at 1:42 pm

    Yes because she can’t have it both ways even though till this day women think the can. Men are not necessarily anti succesful women is just that to them for the fact she have everything, it removes the fun out it when it comes to taking care of her or doing things for her. i myself think any man who is intimidated by strong successful woman is not a strong man.

    • Abeeee

      August 17, 2014 at 1:03 am

      ‘Fun’ it takes the ‘Fun’ out of it. So women should not be successful because men want a little FUN. There are million other ways to take care of a woman. Everybody needs somebody, even Dangote needs his wife (or whoever his loving up with lol) to take care of him.
      Most Nigerian men think taking care of a woman is just spending money that’s what they’ve been taught sha can’t blame them.
      That’s why some feel it’s okay to cheat as long as they are PROVIDING as long as they deliver on their ‘DUTIES’

      @ Babe that gave that n***a money 3 times chai!!!

  12. dups

    August 16, 2014 at 2:14 pm

    Just passing by

  13. Oby

    August 16, 2014 at 2:21 pm

    At my age, I have accomplished so much that most 22years old or even older haven’t. Not just financially, but in other aspects of life. Ladies we are in the 21st Century, go to school, get that degree and make as much $$$ as you can. Live your life, don’t wait for riches to come to you. You have to chase it.

  14. sandra

    August 16, 2014 at 3:33 pm

    An insecure man is an insecure man whether he marries a rich or poor woman! That is my observation my dear sisters. I have seen many Nigerian ladies fail in their marriages or relationships with Nigerian men and when these same ‘horrible’ and ‘unmarriageable’ Nigerian sisters marry or have a relationship with an understanding man whether foreigner or Nigerian, they immediately become the most wonderful wives. Do not think you need a man to make it in life – things have changed, at the same time do not think you do not need to regard or value a man or woman who has supported you to be great even though they might not be as rich or successful as you are. I feel it also goes both ways for men and women. Just be yourself and try to make sure anyone you are seeing knows what your true ideals are, do not try to cover up anything because this will crop up in the future and both of you will be unhappy! Like always attract like, you will always find someone who thinks like you or wants someone just like you no matter how crazy others might have termed you to be. Do not be in a rush or allow society to push you into a very sad marriage then divorce ( which they will all talk about). Let the peace of God lead you to the person who will appreciate you and also thank God for that person by how you behave to him or her. Marriage is for life so please think and get into it fully convinced not by others pushing you into it.

  15. Ada

    August 16, 2014 at 4:14 pm

    Thank you Sandra for that comment!

  16. Girl

    August 16, 2014 at 10:17 pm

    Your best bet as a successful woman is to find an equally or more successful man.

  17. J

    August 16, 2014 at 10:39 pm

    I can’t imagine God thinking, “I won’t bless her because if I do, so and so won’t love her!” Women, these are OUR years, not because the past wasn’t ours but we didn’t own it. NOW we are enlighted, we are equal and God shows no partiality, He is a respecter of no one but loves all and blesses whoever He chooses- man, woman it is your capacity to handle increase, promotion, growth that sets your cap/limit and nothing else. As a man thinks, so is he. What belongs with us will gravitate to us and what doesn’t belong with/to us will fall off sooner or later. Companionship is God’s idea and His blessing brings prosperity. So, trust God to hook you up with whom you belong. Rich, strong, beautiful, hardworking you, God has your man. Chase God for the reveal and you’ll find love at the level that you stand tall and STOP straining your back bending over in search of something that God has already made a provision for at your greatest capacity!

    • justathought

      August 22, 2014 at 3:27 pm

      This is something I have come to see a lot of lately. Ppl chasing God for what they want as though he were a genie. We are to love God for who He is and not what we can get from him cos at the end of the day the question would be if he ‘knew’ us and not what he gave to us. Christ should be enough. On equality, yes men and women are created equally by God but have different roles. we cannot pick only one verse in the bible that speaks on mutual submission but ignore the ones that say wives are to SUBMIT to their husbands. We have to take the bible for all it says and not just the parts we like. I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but it’s been a burden on my heart I’ve wanted to share cos I too became the miss independent type until God started showing me my pride. That’s not too say all independent women are prideful, but we all need to check ourselves. Peace and blessings.

  18. J

    August 16, 2014 at 10:50 pm

    *enlightened*** Typo!

  19. Fisayo

    August 17, 2014 at 5:11 pm

    Interesting topic. I think the African society inhibits women. If uv got the money, use it but be careful not to flaunt it unnecesssarily in your partner,s face if he is not as buoyant as you are. A lot of Nigerian men feel threatened by intelligent and successful women. Even a man,s family and friends will say ” hmn dis one no go gree u be d man, she will always challenge you since she has her own money, she won’t depend on you” etc for that reason I told myself I won’t rush I into marriage and will Only marry a person that will see my dream and support. From the get go, I told my hubby then boyfriend that I will work in the media/entertainment/film industry and won’t stop because of marriage. I made him understand that I won’t be with a man that will say ok no problem today then when we are married tomorrow, he will say no get a regular job. I will walk out!!!!! A lot of Nigerian women are going thru that and will rather hold on to their marriage than stand their ground and chase their dreams. This is d 21st century, do urs and il do mine. What is. Good for the goose is good for the gander.

  20. jirla

    August 17, 2014 at 7:16 pm

    Ladies envy and jealousy in marriage is real. Some men even come to hate you for doing better than them no matter how hard you try. A woman who has more for some reason makes some men feel less manly. Look for someone more successful than you or who atleast is willing to intelligently struggle to get there. Also watch out for the users who are only too willing to feed off your hard work without contributing a thing… Another strange thing is that once some men know you make more than they do they no longer want to spend money on you….even for trivial things it becomes 50/50 right down the middle.

  21. Grown

    August 18, 2014 at 10:19 am

    All i see is young girls talking and giving opinions

    Learned people should have learnt by now not to judge a book by its cover, but to ask men/husbands why this is so?

    Is there any man/woman who wouldn’t want his/her partner to be successful? No (except he/she is a wizard or witch -a high level one for that matter). The success of one is the success of the other.

    The question then follows, why is it that some men seem to act like that? what are the reasons? What could make a man/woman not want his/her partner not richer/wealthier

    That i leave y’all to go research.

    I will deal with one- example from CK-. “CK’s money is her money but the man’s money is their money”. Silly, foolish ideology about marriage. Marriage is 2people becoming one. There is nothing like mine or yours, it is ours. If CK’s husband has money, they will spend it together on fun, house, kids, feeding, cars, housing…. but CK’s money cant be used for the benefit of both partners-she dictates how it should be used and all that. You then tell me, why will the man not want to have than wishing CK to have in this scenario?

    Marriage is for matured, selfless, understanding and unified people- not for selfish, childish and individuals who are not ready to give up their “mine” for “ours”. Go see relationships where the woman is in charge of the resources and see how the wives trample upon their husbands like rags. If you are a partner, ad your husband/wife treats you like shit because you dont have, give me one reason you will not want to have yours as well rather than depending on the person.

    Talk is cheap. If you dont find out the reasons and sources of a problem, it will re-occur now or later. I leave you to go find out the other reasons

    • oj

      August 18, 2014 at 11:11 am

      i think you should go back and read CK’s story before passing judgements. Personally, the signs were there from the begining that it wouldnt end well but CK perhaps just wanted to get married.

  22. curvy ene

    August 18, 2014 at 11:19 am

    @ Grown< rily u shld change ur name, U AINT GROWN. first of all what does age have to do with opinions/ plus dis is a statement not a true or false thing so why r u tripping?

    We all knw men like to feel needed (they are known attention whores), if not they feel emasculated and research nd experiences from other people hav shown men get threatened by successful women.

    Ladies Y'all cant hide ur riches cos u wanna get married, all u can do is make d guy feel needed cos its all a physcological thing and understand d person ur with.

    Above everything else pray nd trust God to give u ur own man/husband.

    Marriage isnt easy buh it doesnt have to be a power tussle or a pissing contest

  23. Tee

    August 18, 2014 at 1:23 pm

    So I married this guy who kept telling me the sky was my limit and encouraged me to aim higher! Fast forward 2 years plus and a better job and now even the air that I breath is because of my job. Take care of me kwanu, mba! Let me take care of my self, then it’s me feeling I can do it all by myself.

    Like seriously? To think that I prayed for a better job so we can join resources to do much more?? The level of some people’s insecurities baffle me sha.

    I shall soar like the eagle fa. Oga husband, go and call police!lol

    • *Real* Nice Anon

      August 18, 2014 at 3:59 pm

      LOL! Na wa o! Never lose yourself in the marriage sha. Always aim higher and higher.

  24. tmc

    August 18, 2014 at 4:48 pm

    there’s a man for every woman, regardless of her personality, looks, ethnic or religious background or financial status. The key here is respect. If a woman becomes proud because of her money, then this is an issue

  25. sum1special

    August 19, 2014 at 9:49 am

    Men are definitely threatened by successful women but a real man will appreciate one.

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