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Aunty Bella: Miss. My Boyfriend is Obsessed with My Boss

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Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice as well.

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Hi,
I don’t know if this is the right email that I’m suppose to send this article to, but I need help from Bellanaija readers please.

So I’ve been dating this guy for a year now and i think he might be obsessed with my boss at the office. My boss is a very pretty mulatto, tall and married with 2 kids.
Ever since I showed my him her picture, it’s been something else. It started with him always asking about her everyday. At first I didn’t see it as an issue, but then when it generated to him telling me send his regards to her and that he loves her (which he said jokingly) then I started becoming worried. I confronted him about it and he said I was only being jealous and he was only joking.

2 days passed and he didn’t mention her again only for him to ask me if she was married, which I told her right from the beginning and also asked if she has a son. Just last month I was working with her when he called and I told him I couldn’t talk and that I was with her and we were working in something, you needed to have seen the shock on my face when he asked me to send him her picture. Is my boyfriend obsessed with my boss who is married with 2 kids? Should I be worried or am simply overreacting?

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Michael Zhang

49 Comments

  1. winnie

    October 20, 2014 at 10:57 am

    No you are not over-reacting!!

  2. Anonymous

    October 20, 2014 at 11:14 am

    As a man i do think, “OBSESSED” is an understatement, i actually do not know what to tell you to do as a solution to this predicament of yours, but what i do u know is that u should stop talking about your boss to him, and anytime he asks after her just tell him shes fine, try not to answer any further questions he might as after her.

    • Di

      October 20, 2014 at 3:06 pm

      At poster, this is a good advice here. If this doesn’t work, try over-exaggerating about the strong bond btw your boss and her husband. How they are both madly in love with each other; their great chemistry and your boss’s hardcore loyalty to her husband. How everyone at work admires their strong union and wishes evil on any external entities trying to put them asunder. lol. Unlike most women, men understand the word “taken”. The image of another man intensely doing your boss will smash the wishful thoughts in his head.
      Second option, which I would likely take since dude is not even your husband: Dump this creepy low-esteemed mullaato-assskissser.

  3. TANTRA

    October 20, 2014 at 11:16 am

    Tell him that your boss has been transferred or has resigned, assuming she is not the owner of the company. If she is the owner, tell him that her husband has joined in the management of the company and the two of them currently share an office. Shikena.

  4. Berry Dakara

    October 20, 2014 at 11:19 am

    This is so weird

    • Magz

      October 20, 2014 at 11:41 am

      So very weird!!!!!!

  5. Africhic

    October 20, 2014 at 11:26 am

    I’m clueless as to if this is an issue or not, but if it bothers you that much let him know his asking after your boss makes you feel uncomfortable.

  6. Cece

    October 20, 2014 at 11:34 am

    No offense, boss aside your boyfriend sounds like a creep.
    Do you really want to settle down with this sort of guy?

    I will also assume that all the spelling errors are as a result of the distress this situation is causing you…

    I think you should get your boss to call him for something relating to you…like you’ve won a special recognition in the office or something. See how he reacts to her on the phone. I think it will answer all your questions.

    If it were me, I would simply pray that God would end the relationship if he is not for me.

    • D

      October 20, 2014 at 1:33 pm

      AMEN!!!! @ CREEP!!! Can Someone say halleluyarrrr??? (in Tyler Perry voice). Officially creepified!!!

    • fyre

      October 20, 2014 at 10:04 pm

      HALELUYYYAAAARRRR!!!! creepified indeed

    • nene

      October 20, 2014 at 5:11 pm

      gbam. he’s a weirdo.

  7. Liddieberry

    October 20, 2014 at 11:45 am

    Honestly, he is very very very disrespectful. He does not respect you at all and I think that alone is a BIG problem! Just follow your INTUTION… You can see the handwriting on the wall yourself…

  8. Nicole

    October 20, 2014 at 11:48 am

    To begin with, he is not your boyfriend, if he was, he wouldn’t disrespect you and your feelings to this order. If the reverse was the case, would he be so forgiving? I suggest you sit him down and tell him how displeased you are with his behaviour. If he doesn’t stop please leave the relationship, because he does not care about you or your feelings.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      October 20, 2014 at 12:24 pm

      The fact that she even needs to sit him down to have that discussion is itself a big problem.

    • nene

      October 20, 2014 at 5:11 pm

      exactly. he is disrespecting his girlfriend. what type of immature man is that? biko leave that idiot.

  9. Tony

    October 20, 2014 at 11:50 am

    Don’t worry about him, he’s just a dreamer. He can never have an affair with your boss. Its like the normal obsession nigerians guys hve for beyonce or alicia keys, abeg dnt worry urself over nothin!

    • lotus flower

      October 20, 2014 at 1:53 pm

      Talk about bad advice. It is not the same. Beyonce and Alicia keys do not live in Nigeria, let alone, the same city as her boyfriend. A chance meeting with the boss is not unlikely. The man is very childish and disrespectful.

    • Iris

      October 21, 2014 at 4:20 am

      This is the worst piece of advice I’ve ever read in my life. I’m starting to suspect you may be the boyfriend sef.

  10. blah blah

    October 20, 2014 at 11:57 am

    I don’t know if he’s obsessed or joking but he’s definitely shameless. Is he also in the habit of pointing out hot girls to you? Beht why do some men behave like this? Shameless somebori.

  11. Dr Kevwe

    October 20, 2014 at 12:01 pm

    You need to look in deeper and find out if you can, if this man loves you at all. I sence an emotional unhealthy manace hovering around your relationship and you need to subtlety clarify asap because health is wealth and I don’t believe you want to break down into becoming emotionally unhealthy. Could have far reaching consequences;probably affecting your work on the long run.

  12. Ferrari

    October 20, 2014 at 12:02 pm

    Is she old enough to have a son his age? Does he know his biological mother? Maybe she is his mother he has been looking for coz otherwise this is beyond weird…

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      October 20, 2014 at 12:27 pm

      Interesting… That’s a valid angle I never even considered.

    • Easy n Gentle

      October 20, 2014 at 4:07 pm

      Talk about Out-of-the-box thinking!!!

  13. Blessed

    October 20, 2014 at 12:03 pm

    phewwww, (wipes sweat off forehead)
    Thank God.. he is “a boyfriend not “your husband”.

  14. pipi

    October 20, 2014 at 12:09 pm

    If it was me; because i would want to better understand his actions i will actually invite him to the office where he would come in contact with my boss and watch his reaction……. i dont advise Telling him that your boss has been transferred or has resigned or anything like that. Today is your boss tommorrow is ur neighbour’s daughter. check his self control.

    • chi chi

      October 20, 2014 at 2:24 pm

      true.

    • nene

      October 20, 2014 at 5:12 pm

      gbam

  15. Flames

    October 20, 2014 at 12:09 pm

    Even if d guy u’re in a relationship wit doesn’t luv u, he should respect u n ur feelings. I’m nt seeing any respect here. If u’re nt careful, u’ll find urself being a pimp 4 him. Jst talk to him n tell him hw u feel wit warning on top, if he doesn’t respect himself den u should do wats best 4 u

  16. Ebere

    October 20, 2014 at 12:54 pm

    1. he is a creep
    2. he is beyond disrespectful, what kind of boyfriend wants to hit on his girl”s boss
    3. he is a creep

  17. Offloaded Hubby!

    October 20, 2014 at 12:59 pm

    Aburo! Eti e melo? Listen very well DUMP the guy already. He is not into you! He is actually straying in his head so whether with your boss or any other lady, this guy will cheat on you physically and emotionally.

  18. Ephi

    October 20, 2014 at 1:20 pm

    This is a potential cheat already testing out his skills right under your nose.
    Let me rephrase it for you – if your boss were to be his colleague or someone he knew via a friend, he definitely would be hitting on her already by now.
    I’ll advise that you re-evaluate this relationship; unless you are okay with not being his “only one” not just now, but in the future.

    • chi chi

      October 20, 2014 at 2:25 pm

      Preach.

  19. Queen Spicey

    October 20, 2014 at 1:42 pm

    A boyfriend that won’t ask you how you are but concentrates on knowing every move your boss makes isn’t worth much my dear. You’re just a link to the mental affair he’s having with your boss, in fact if one is allowed to see another’s thought, you will see that you are his pimp. Sweetheart, talk it out with him to know if you need to take a walk to freedom or not.

  20. D

    October 20, 2014 at 1:52 pm

    Ok like somebody said unless she could be his mother, I mean does he have any hint of “mullato” (not sure of the spelling) in him? If not, like most people have reiterated on here I would say it is just like the married man or bf or fiancee that has no problem starring at or groping another lady while he is married and more so with his partner present. Now, if that’s the case, the fact that he may never get close to even lick her shoe lace does not matter, because not only is this extremely disrespectful to you but once you condone it now, he will always expect you to condone his bad behaviour in the future. Yes this will happen again!!! People of mixed race are very plentiful and many fine “geys” are out there. ok this is just way too creepy for me. How old is he? I guess maybe that’s something to be considered (not intellectually developed enough to understand somethings just raise get your creepy alert going ballastic).

  21. Nife

    October 20, 2014 at 2:15 pm

    I think the guy is trying to annoy u and he is really succeeding at him. What annoying behavior. I think u suld watch out for him. Creep!

  22. Meh

    October 20, 2014 at 2:28 pm

    This has happened to me twice. One by a guy I was dating who was asking overly in depth questions about my best friend, who was engaged but regardless. I relieved him of his social obligation. The second by a guy who saw a group church picture of mine and is supposedly into me who starts asking inappropriate questions about the ladies in the pic. It might be idiocy, sheer idiocy, but please leave that boy.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      October 20, 2014 at 4:28 pm

      “… relieved him of his social obligation”. Hehehehe. I like you.

    • Femme de l'Avenir

      October 20, 2014 at 4:38 pm

      I relieved him of his social obligation…hehehe…priceless!

  23. benny

    October 20, 2014 at 2:35 pm

    You don’t have a boyfriend. Leave that terrible situationship b4 it is too late

  24. Asgrl

    October 20, 2014 at 3:02 pm

    LOL, serious palaver! I would start asking about a really cute friend of his regularly also. And if I meet the friend regularly, I would act inappropriately i.e. Laughing really hard at his unfunny jokes, touching excessively etc.

    However to be quite honest, I don’t think this dude is worth all that effort. He’s showing you his true colors now. Please believe him.

  25. Fool me once...

    October 20, 2014 at 3:56 pm

    My ex was obsessed with my friend but in a negtive way. “What do you even have in common with her?”, “She’s too flashy”, “She’s too shallow”, “How does she afford all these things she posts on IG?”, “”I can’t stand girls who bleach””, “”What’s with her mammy-water weave?””. Before I knew it, he was sleeping with her. I caught them, they both dumped me and continued for a good 2 years. So while your man might not stand a chance with your boss the fact that he obviously wants one shows that he’s not the one for you.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      October 20, 2014 at 4:28 pm

      Say what? Gurrrrllllll….. Damn. How did you even deal with that situation??… It doesn’t matter, you’re better of without either of them in your life.

    • benny

      October 20, 2014 at 8:25 pm

      Loooooooool MSA I swear ul make a cool “come over for some sandwiches” gist pal

  26. mama ovie

    October 20, 2014 at 4:06 pm

    this one na azonto boy friend
    thank your stars say no be your husband, this kind man dey sleep with him wife entire linage
    one word run for your dear, life no talk say we no warn you

    • nene

      October 20, 2014 at 5:14 pm

      lmfao

  27. papermoon

    October 20, 2014 at 5:43 pm

    duuuummmmmp him…#savetheanalysis,sugarcoatingandexcuses#

  28. Queen 1

    October 20, 2014 at 9:25 pm

    What a boyfriend! Better dump him fast. Dude has no respect for you at all. Nothing we won’t see in this world though.

  29. Grown Woman

    October 21, 2014 at 7:17 am

    Shame on him really huh!! this is how some guy was slapped by his gf for staring at a woman so much and that was the end of it mxiiiiiuu there’s only much we can tolerate but this kind of behaviour is just unacceptable never have an excuse for a man’s behaviour it is what it is.

  30. babygiwa

    November 21, 2014 at 12:17 pm

    @mama ovie af keed me ooooooooo! sleeping with his wife’s entire lineage ke……. #TeamDumptheCreep

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