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“Black knuckles, white body and black y**sh” – Etcetera’s Open Letter to Bleaching Celebs

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Maheeda

Maheeda

Different day, different person talking about bleaching.

Musician Etcetera is also a columnist for Punch Newspaper and penned an open letter to celebs who bleach. Here are some excerpts:

“The ABNC (Association of Bleaching Celebrities of Nigeria) is the umbrella body of all celebrity bleachers and we are responsible for every bleaching celebrity you see on TV and on the streets. We will also like you to understand that no celebrity bleacher will intentionally snub or refuse to shake hands with his or her fans. A lot of these incidents have occurred as a result of stigmatisation of bleachers by the public.

Why Some Actors and TV Personalities Bleach

On behalf of all celebrity bleachers, we the ABNC kindly ask for your forgiveness. You loved us when we were black and we sincerely ask you not to love us any less even now that we are light skinned. We also want you guys to understand that we celebrities bleach our skin so that we can lighten up your screens so you will never have to increase the brightness and contrast of your TV anymore. You can ask our Nigerian movie producers why they prefer us light skinned actors.

Dating a Person Who Bleaches

Our sincere appreciation also goes to all men out there dating a celebrity bleacher, we commend your patience. You have stood by them knowing you can’t take them to the pool because of their black yansh. And when they forced you to take them against your will to the pool, you still had to endure the fact that they got into the swimming pool fully dressed in their leggings, T-shirts and stockings. May you be rewarded handsomely for your stoicism and perseverance. One quick advice though, inasmuch as you may love your bleached spouse and want to treat her to different types of adventure, it is paramount that you resist every pressure to take her to the beach.

All Light Skinned Celebrities Bleach

Nigerians, please stop judging us by the colour of our skin. We will never be ashamed to admit to the public that all light-skinned celebrities are bleachers because this same bleaching has made us the most preferred in Nollywood today. It has made our ladies more desirable and more noticeable by Nigerian men. It has also helped some of our colleagues who were straight up ugly become attractive. That is why our motto is, Show me a light-skinned celebrity who doesn’t bleach and I will show you a local dog that doesn’t eat shit.

Uneven Skin Tone

We hope that henceforth, whenever you see a light skinned celebrity with pocketed hands, you will save yourself the embarrassment and kindly let him be. A celebrity bleacher with bad bleaching experience is like a dog with rabies and no sane person messes with a rabies-infected dog. We implore you non-bleachers to be more sensitive to the plights of bleachers. To you male fans who love greeting women with a kiss on their cheeks, please be advised to keep your damn kisses to yourself whenever you see those light-skinned celebs who love tying scarves around their necks. It is not fair to expose someone’s multi-coloured neckline to the whole world because you want to prove that you can greet like an arab.

And if you are a church usher who is fond of telling people to raise their hands up during worship, better stay the hell away from any light-skinned celebrity you see in church. Allow them to worship with their hands glued to their sides. We swear, you don’t want to see that armpit.”

Source: Punch

26 Comments

  1. bruno

    October 25, 2014 at 11:00 am

    dear religious people, if you bleach your skin, can you still go to heaven. lol

  2. jaybee

    October 25, 2014 at 11:04 am

    I used to hate this guy write up but this very article is so true thats why I hate fair celeb..wish people like tonto, Juliet Ibrahim, Nadia And Halima read this before they will acuse bloggers of jumping into conclusion

  3. ellen

    October 25, 2014 at 11:29 am

    I love this guys write ups…they are so true and also very hilarious…and for those calling him a failure, I think they should really check themselves…lol

  4. sunshine

    October 25, 2014 at 11:47 am

    I might be a bit late to the party, but could someone remind me again what exactly this etcetera guy does for a living? I ask because he comes across as someone trying very hard to draw attention to himself through his ‘controversial’ articles, so now that he has our attention shouldn’t he at least have some talent or gift to offer? 15 minutes and counting bro…

  5. benny

    October 25, 2014 at 12:43 pm

    If he isn’t a failure already, he is driving himself there at 250km/hr. Blogs may publish these vendetta against an industry u believe spat u out just for the blog hits and comments but beyond that? Zilch! U r done.
    This isn’t what you want to be famous for. And for those of you that will point at writing for Punch Newspaper as a career… lol… u rily don’t want to know the peanuts these newspaper houses pay.
    Channel this energy into positive things cos apart from these petty things, u haven’t told us what you want to achieve. Are you trying to cleanse the entertainment industry? Are you trying to right what you perceive as societal wrongs or is this just a cry for help? A cry to be noticed and since there are bystanders cheering ur little ego hanging like an over starched kaftan has been massaged into doing more?
    What is the problem etcetera? What is hiding behind these rants. Can u write about it in ur next attempt so we can make sense of all these?

    • hahahaha

      October 25, 2014 at 2:13 pm

      benny clearing you a Bleacher, hydroquinone stinking hieffas, dont forget your knuckles and elbows 🙂
      Ewwwwwwwwwwww

    • benny

      October 25, 2014 at 4:17 pm

      Dunce it is “clearly”. I don’t have the time to correct every other word bad education forced out of you. You can spell “hydroquinone” but you can’t construct proper sentences. Darling, I see what you spend your time reading and RESEARCHING #GirlBye

    • jay

      October 25, 2014 at 4:42 pm

      Learn how to speak good English first . Are “bleachers” the bane of the society?? Mtcheww

  6. Ty

    October 25, 2014 at 3:31 pm

    Unfortunately A lot of people are famous for worse things and they are successful(at least in the worlds eye).
    He’s doing it for the fun of it maybe.. I really dont know why people are suprised or angry.its showbiz/ entertainment. these things come with the package
    International celebrities have it worst.The way to deal with such people is to ignore but trust naija celebs to want to lash back at everything said about them and they say theyre ready for the international level. Mba!
    As for Etcetara, whether failed or not, these articles are making him popular and for some people; Any popularity is good for them.

  7. Missy J

    October 25, 2014 at 4:27 pm

    Abeg someone should correct me if am wrong oh(not .a fan of all these oyinbo’s entertainment) What exactly made Joan Rivers of blessed memory famous and successful? And what’s the idea behind fashion police? I was told the lash out at their celebrities. Not far from what Etcetera is doing. #Ermmmm, haven’t for once watched that show nah just them say I dey replicate #

    • benny

      October 25, 2014 at 5:29 pm

      Joan was employed to do so. Joan was filthy rich already. Joan was at an age where she could get away with almost everything. She was Jewish. She had built a career spanning over 3 decades. Joan was d only one on the show that could get away with saying so much… u get my drift!

    • voltron

      October 25, 2014 at 6:32 pm

      @ Benny give it a rest already! we know you hate etcetera, and love bleaching but theres no need to insult and attack every commenter on bella naija like a rabid dog.

    • benny

      October 25, 2014 at 7:25 pm

      Oh wow…

  8. Abena

    October 25, 2014 at 4:45 pm

    @jaybee
    Nadia and Juliet Ibrahim happen to be biracial, not bleached.

  9. Queen1

    October 25, 2014 at 5:50 pm

    Iv read and seen enough about this bleaching topic to last me a life time. Its become boring if you ask me. Biko, anybody that wants to bleach, na them sabi. Its their skin after all and we are all grown enough to make decisions for ourselves. You deal with consequences of your actions. Let’s move on to discussing more pressing issues like the missing Chibok girls and how to help needy people this coming Christmas. For bleachers, let them continue to bleach their lives aways. None of my business. Sips tea like Kermit.

  10. nene

    October 25, 2014 at 6:10 pm

    lmfao. etcetera o!

  11. Pat

    October 25, 2014 at 6:12 pm

    @Abena spot on. Thanks for educating that person. I guess some people don’t know the difference smh.

  12. jake ro

    October 25, 2014 at 8:44 pm

    Well tne onlything I just have tosay about this issue is google south korea, their entertainment industrylike I said before ,nigerians do not bleach, go check out south korea including everything abouth their plastic surgeries.

  13. brownchocolate

    October 25, 2014 at 10:42 pm

    FYI. Not everyone who has dark knuckles bleaches o! I know two sisters, one dark, one fair. Both have had dark knuckles since they were kids. So please give us a break already. Personally I think this article is quite shallow. Lacks finese. What do you mean by show me a light skinned celebrity who doesnt bleach and I will show you a local dog that doesnt eat shit? Etcetera please for your sake stop. Its not funny. Bleaching is bad but its really not your business. If anyone decides to bleach you don’t have to be friends with them. Biko. Take a chill pill and release your next album already. Also FYI I am dark skinned.

  14. g girl

    October 26, 2014 at 11:43 am

    lmfao……..why are you people taking this article personal,its his opinion mind you…….i for one dont fancy people who bleach,black is beautiful…..is better to be black than end up being coats of many colours and having disgusting and irritating stretch marks….for crying it out loud it is not healthy to rub concentrated alkali(bleaching cream) on your body…but if you choose so its your business….goodluck

  15. buky

    October 26, 2014 at 5:49 pm

    not everyone that have black knuckles or black ass bleach, i have had my black ass since i was young, i definitely have different shade on my body from the dark parts; my back, ass, knuckles, to the light parts; my boobs, thighs, side of my arms. and i didnt bleach the lighter parts of my body, thats just the way it is, been advised to tone the darker parts so my body colour is a bit even (though not as light as my boobs or thighs). So pleaseeeeee let those of us that dont have an even colour rest and stop trying to preach jackshit

  16. beibei

    October 26, 2014 at 7:33 pm

    You go fear bleachers club..who form am? awon! free d’s bleachers….I hav seen 100 nd one women who want to one shade lighter sooo it’s nt a big deal……! I use a cream which is written toning formula I got heavy dark patches nd i hav always bn dat way since I was little….d spot never clear ooo……..am I toning no….anyway beautiful pple. ..I think der ar creams for knuckle s nd kneels nd der so many types of skin washing des days pls use dem…
    will do mine wen I graduate……loooolll

  17. Bola Odu

    October 26, 2014 at 7:33 pm

    Nice article. Kilo de te nbora

  18. Repentant Bleacher

    October 27, 2014 at 2:05 pm

    I regret bleaching! I look back at my old pics and I ask myself I ventured into it. Now I v repented and just let my skin heal from the effects of bleaching.

  19. di

    October 27, 2014 at 2:20 pm

    mr etccetera ushers dont ask people to raise their hands in worship in my church dunno abt urs o

  20. Tim

    October 28, 2014 at 7:52 am

    LMAO… I love the sarcasm in this write up.

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