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Can a Woman be “Too Independent”? Toke Makinwa’s Vlog

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Toke MakinwaToke Makinwa has released her vlog for this week she’s tackling the topic of the “Independent women” in our generation as she asks the question, ‘are we doing ourselves a great disservice?’

Toke Makinwa says, ‘How do we strike a balance???? I mean no one is saying a woman should depend on a guy but Is there such a thing as being too independent? This men love the whole damsel in distress thing and sometimes all that independent na your pocket’

Check on it!

46 Comments

  1. Steph

    November 26, 2014 at 3:06 pm

    I love Toke but she’s a flip flopper and living contradiction. Early in the year, she published Vlogs dissing men and calling on her vloggers to follow her biased advice on men because she was going through a break up with her man. Out of the blue, she gets married to him in a “secret wedding”. Now here she is, preaching against being “too independent”. This is the same woman who obviously makes more than her husband and works like her life depended around it. Now so many young women watching this will take every single advice she has given. I say all this to say, be very careful where and what type of advice you listen to.

    • VeryAngryNigerian

      November 26, 2014 at 3:14 pm

      Why would anyone take this woman’s advice? ……. and why should she be responsible for someone else’s stupidity ? ….

    • Anon

      November 26, 2014 at 3:28 pm

      And how exactly do you know she makes more than her husband?

    • Latifa

      November 26, 2014 at 3:56 pm

      OMG!!! Can anyone be this silly………you sit behind your phone,laptop or whatever only to analyse Toke by mere looking at her pictures,vlogs or instagram pages……Do you live in the same house with them? bacause i am wondering how the hell you came with the conclusion that she earns more than her husband……some people need to put their devices down before they type…..ugh!! I just can’t

    • Steph

      November 26, 2014 at 4:45 pm

      Oh shut it. Let me guess, you’re one of those that goes wherever the wind blows. Defend her like she gives two – about you.

    • Miss T

      November 26, 2014 at 4:44 pm

      Did u watch the video at all?

    • Tony

      November 26, 2014 at 5:42 pm

      Steph, everyone has the right to share their opinion and she isn’t forcing it on anyone. The beauty of discussions and debates are the difference in opinions. Just because you don’t share her thoughts doesn’t mean she is no good.

    • dee

      November 27, 2014 at 1:31 am

      any one who gets their advice from a youtuber is a fool… This site is satire, not meant to be followed to the letter, its entertainment, not gospel

  2. ad

    November 26, 2014 at 3:09 pm

    Toke should do something about her hairline

  3. jessica

    November 26, 2014 at 3:16 pm

    Ever since ariyike weekly started, Toke has not done a late Vlog…normally she will delay about 24hours and come back apologising with a late Vlog LoL. Dont we all like a healthy competition? Thanks Ariyike for making my Toke on time 😀

    Now, onto the Vlog….These days, women are bringing more to the table. The worst is when you are paying all the bills and he is cheating, spending money out there on other girls and turning up

    • verygoodbadgirl

      November 26, 2014 at 4:08 pm

      Thought I was the only one who noticed! Don’t be surprised if she’s late next week after reading this comment!

  4. pretty

    November 26, 2014 at 3:27 pm

    Toke nice one u said God does not like sex before marriage are u saying u didn’t do it before marriage

  5. ReeceBlu

    November 26, 2014 at 3:37 pm

    She is basically saying that while women have evolved, men remain cavemen. She is absolutely correct in the sense that men want to feel like men. They want to provide and protect. And every woman should allow a worthy man to do that. In these economic times, a woman may make more than her significant other. But we should not rob him of his right as a man. We have a role to play. Simple.
    Her “rant mode” is annoying. But I get her point. Its essentially a game we play. Its fun. Enjoy! I dont mind playing a damsel in distress! Let him pay for dinner, open the door, pull out my chair. Regardless of who makes more.

    • Chewy

      December 5, 2014 at 4:54 am

      Unfortunately this would apply IF the so-called men “want” to provide. A lot of guys these days do not want to shoulder responsibilities even the costs of dating. You hear of Nigerian men both home and especially in the Diaspora whining about taking their woman on a date and saying the ladies should either pick or split tabs 50/50.. Times have changed and the guys DO NOT even want to be “Men” in the traditional sense of the word. Only very few think this way these days, hence why we have more female breadwinners in these times. God help us. 🙂

    • Ross

      December 5, 2014 at 2:12 pm

      Those were my comments on her youtube page and some men wanted to descend on me. Proves what we’re saying though, men don’t know how to be men anymore. But to be honest, it’s our fault (women) for not demanding better of them. And by demanding, I mean standards.

  6. G

    November 26, 2014 at 3:40 pm

    the original advice babes… lol
    yep Career not gonna marry you….
    Men are hunters and yes you have said it all beforehand, let the man pay…

  7. seyi

    November 26, 2014 at 4:44 pm

    Lolz. This girl does make sense sometimes, this time inclusive. She’s actually echoing what my pastor told me shortly after I got married; ‘don’t play matyr in your own home, spend your husbands money generously without feeling guilty or like it’s not appropriate. You’re part of his responsibilities now. And she’s right, if you don’t, he will find other places to spend the money, even if it’s not girls….. try in- laws, endless charity projects and all… 🙂

    • G

      November 26, 2014 at 5:14 pm

      Endless charity projects… hahaha

  8. anita

    November 26, 2014 at 4:54 pm

    u look fake

    • olu

      November 26, 2014 at 5:36 pm

      She’s acting…….??

  9. onyi

    November 26, 2014 at 5:12 pm

    so if i can’t access video on my phone and i no get laptop,i wouldn’t partake ba?.
    u kn ur audience,i just come online and look at ur pix n leave,since i don’t hv access to the video enable system.i can not come n die.

    • Tony

      November 26, 2014 at 5:32 pm

      Buy a good phone na. Even Tecno sef dey show YouTube videos. Abeg Onyi.

  10. oj

    November 26, 2014 at 5:31 pm

    I don’t understand why some people just have nasty things to say about someone they barely know. What did toke say now that is not true? She makes more money than her husband or not, how relevant is it to what she spoke about? If you don’t like her or her vlog, why open this page and listen to it? Learn what you can learn from her and go your way, shikena!

  11. Tee

    November 26, 2014 at 5:55 pm

    My husband will not provide for me when I ask. Yet when I get it for myself, he is the first to say you want to show that you have money. He likes to see you in so much misery and pain before he finds the justification to do what it is you ask him.

    I finished driving school, he had two cars but couldn’t let go of one car., and we say they like the damsel in distress thingy? Ha when the damsel die ni e go come buy the car?

    Good news is I have a good job now and I treat my self wella!

    • Fiya

      November 29, 2014 at 4:10 am

      U go Tee!!!!

    • phil Davids

      February 25, 2015 at 12:27 pm

      my Goodness, is it the men’s world thing!!! even when they are acting literally wicked as this, I wonder what they are getting at still…your ggod job and treat urself wella “thumps uP'” a bit of solution and he will go brooding and targeting other things to still use against u…men have totally failed and they know.

  12. ughstupid

    November 26, 2014 at 6:18 pm

    I dont understand why people dont find this type of thinking problematic. Why you will use independent to qualify a woman baffles me. Is it she not an adult? Isn’t that what she is supposed to be…why be redundant. Why do I have to seem helpless to make the man feel Good? Why should I feign distress if I am not actually distressed. If he wants to show acts of kindness as my lover/man then he should do it, without all of these stupid clauses. There always ways to make yourself significant in someones life, without them having to diminish themselves. Why do I have to make myself weak or be a child to cater to a mans esteem or “manhood”. Why do we make it complex? The men should grow up too and evolve. Stop feeding mens insecurities. A woman is not a child. she is your partner. If you want to show love to her, then do it. Be thoughtful and stop being lazy. Get in where you fit in.

    • Nigerian Lady

      November 26, 2014 at 10:01 pm

      Love you for this comment. Lol I was sort of fuming with a little bit of anger, thinking of how to phrase my opinion on her video and there, you did it already.
      I will not diminish my worth because your “ego” needs to be fed before you materialistically gift me as your woman.

    • [email protected]

      December 4, 2014 at 5:01 pm

      Its not diminishing your worth to let your man be the Man in your marriage dear.
      She isn’t saying you should be redundant, but the way it was meant to be was for the woman to be taken care of by the man, na poverty and need force women to start to work.
      While i dont subscribe to sucking a man dry, if a man can afford it he should spend the money on you and days he is broke you can support him as well.
      my two kobo

  13. ughstupid

    November 26, 2014 at 6:22 pm

    and all of a sudden everyone don become evolutionary scientist. “Men are hunters…blah blah”. regurgitating shit they heard somewhere without actually knowing what the hell they are talking about…lol.

  14. Ms

    November 26, 2014 at 7:06 pm

    This does not make sense at all! Mscheeeew! So are you saying your husband buys every single thing you wear and have? What do you do with your money? What happens to “‘Two becoming one after marriage”” It includes everything babe! Many people don’t leave on deceit!!!

  15. MC

    November 26, 2014 at 7:58 pm

    So because “men like damsels in distress” I should now pretend im in distress? ??? For what…to sooth his ego?
    Who the hell wants a reward for being independent?! What on earth is she on about. Does she know what being independent entails?
    so basicallyyyyy….spend your boyfriend/husband’s money in order to prevent him from spending it on other women!
    Why should a woman be made to feel bad because she has her own!?

    …some people talk just for the sake of talking

  16. Glass house

    November 26, 2014 at 8:45 pm

    I know maje. He plays basketball regularly in Banana Island. Please while u are busy enjoying his moni, kindly help him invest is some sport wears……..i will nt say more.I

    • Toke's fan

      November 27, 2014 at 7:53 pm

      Thank you, we have heard u. Get busy wt something else when you go there or better still u could buy it for him. Oshisko Aproko. Focus on the topic of the day. #independent woman

    • TeeHabibi

      November 29, 2014 at 9:29 pm

      Glasshouse, your post is disgusting to say the least.
      You don’t have to bring people down. If you don’t have anything sensible to say scroll on.
      Thank God your name is glass house. You just threw a stone and its coming back for you soon.
      P.S: I don’t know Toke but insulting someone’s husband is classless and makes you a ugly person

  17. ReeceBlu

    November 26, 2014 at 8:52 pm

    Contrary to popular opinion, everyone has a role to play. And in doing so, one isnt by any means diminishing who they are. “Damsel in distress” is just an expression. Women have different roles, mother, wife, friend. A mother knows when to be gentle with a child and when to be firm. Its similar with men. Its knowing when to be gentle and when to be firm. Chivalry is not dead and men should be able to court and woo and pursue women. Simple. A woman doesnt have to sacrifice anything or diminish who she is. Go ahead and pamper me, im not complaining.

  18. ReeceBlu

    November 26, 2014 at 9:09 pm

    It depends on the dynamics of the relationship. Some men are more traditional and some are not. I believe in chivalry, letting a man take the lead. But that doesnt mean Im compromising who I am. I dont jugde something who thinks differently. Im blessed to have a man who spoils me. It hasnt hindered any of my accomplishments. I work hard, he rubs my feet. He works hard, I rub his. Im blessed. And there are many studies which have shown that women’s brains have evolved more than mens. Goggle it. Read a book.

  19. Fiyin

    November 26, 2014 at 9:45 pm

    I just like this Toke Makinwa-Ayida…God bless you

  20. Hian

    November 26, 2014 at 9:49 pm

    I hate when people call me an independent woman. I am an adult, a graduate and the next step is not to find a man to cater for me, it is to become a contributing member of society. Why don’t we call men independent men? Yes, let a man be a man but the man that is constantly threatened by your ability to take care of yourself is a hazard. If that man is not in the picture again wetin u go do?

    It’s the same mentality that has people saying, “ah don’t further your education until after you enter ya husband’s “ouse”. Ah, don’t buy car o, it will scare off men. In this day and age ke.

  21. Nigerian Lady

    November 26, 2014 at 10:26 pm

    Just a little bit more…
    This is another excuse for a cheating man…. why do women always have to compromise?
    I’m too independent so my man had to look elsewhere for a ‘damsel in distress’ he could spend his money on, he really doesn’t expect much from her, just sex; perhaps I should be less independent so he doesn’t cheat. I’m too demanding, my man had to look elsewhere for a woman who makes her own money, he doesn’t need much from her, just sex. I’m too this, I’m too that!! At the end of the day, the man is just looking for some next lady to stick his penis in!! And I find it so ironic how women still end up making men the victim, making up excuses for their infidelity. Why should my being independent or rather ‘too independent’ be a reason for you to cheat?? THESE TWO ARE MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Women are becoming more and more empowered whether you or you like it or not, now, it is a mans responsibility to look for other means to make his woman feel LOVED AND APPRECIATED. Its not us this time. Its not me to compromise this time.

    • Tade

      November 29, 2014 at 12:04 am

      Ranting of a bitter woman

  22. J

    November 26, 2014 at 11:13 pm

    She’s simply saying that women need to get out of their own way! Being able to take care of oneself regardless of marital status should not become a brick wall between you and your significant other where you cut off the giving process at their end which endangers the dynamics of a healthy relationship. In that case, the end result is likely that he will gravitate to where he can meet a need- most likely in the arms of another woman. It is not love without being vulnerable!

    • nhia

      November 27, 2014 at 2:37 am

      bullish! Then she should use the right words. Vulnerability is essential for any relationship. Vunerability is not gender specific. Being vunerable does not equal pretending to be in distress. That is deception.
      Everyone needs help and love no matter how much you have. and the fact that i buy something, doesn’t mean he cant buy me something. Its like saying you cant give a rich person a gift, because they have money. People appreciate thoughtfulness. Even if you have everything in the world, a sweet gesture will make your day. Same applies to women. Do something nice for your man. Is not everytime take take take take. buy buy buy. dont be selfish.
      Then it has now become a threat “if you don’t act like that he will leave you for someone else.” GTFOH! Why will the mans brain evolve when we treat them like animals. Grow up!

  23. Brooklyn

    November 27, 2014 at 3:15 am

    Why are there so many extremes? Independent vs. Weak? Being independent doesnt make you strong and being vulnerable doesnt make you weak. If your man cheats because your “too independent” hes lying! Men love a woman who can hold her own. But they also want to feel needed. Its about balance. And women who struggle with figuring this out are destined to remain single. You are not compromising anything. If you feel that way then you have issues you need to resolve. If letting a man love me is wrong, I dont wanna be right! Lol

  24. phil Davids

    February 25, 2015 at 12:49 pm

    If this has not or is not happening ‘it wont be a topic’…it is real…contemporarily there are women that are very independent whether too independent or whatever you choose, its not a vulnerability or weakness…this is where the world is now…take it or leave it…many women have reached peaks of where men used to be and “” MANY-A MEN” just let women take over their responsibilities out of wickedness, laziness, ok,oo wat a man can do-let her do it…or simply that mstchew no be her say she be oga…shebi she get money…oh men you have failed- TAKE UP YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES FULLY your mates are to HELP NOT BE BREAD WINNERS AND YOU FEEL SHE SHOULD DO IT SINCE SHE FEELS SHE CAN/CAPABLE…

  25. Letter to my naija babe

    February 25, 2015 at 1:02 pm

    About men again?
    haha jejeje hihihi
    Men must be really important to these folks, even though they deny it all day

    God win!
    And after, Men of course 😉
    🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

    Waiting for my lovers to come attack me
    Nahum, Socially awkward and California Brawler
    I love you trio by fire by force
    giggle

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