Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice as well.
Dear Aunty Bella,
How do I stop sabotaging potential relationships?
I am a dude staring 30 in the eye who’s addicted to my personal space/single-ness/being alone. I am not ugly by most scale (over 6′ tall), not particularly uninteresting, and quite matured mentally. You know that one guy that the guys (even though they are all older than I am) run to for relationship and everything else-related advice; that one guy you like talking to in your fiancé’s clique who seems more mature than the rest? Well, I am that dude, I think.
My best friends are tired of hooking me up, many ladies are tired of flirting with me, I am tired of my own unresponsiveness. I am not gay. Though I love being independent, I am an amazing team player (I have been told). I carry my own weight and can help you with yours. I am part of many people’s support system. I see missions through, so I don’t think it’s commitment issues. I don’t sleep around either. The only thing I remember was being told to face my studies as a young teenager, though I don’t think it mattered much because I still flirted with girls aplenty after that. Never goes beyond that though, I sabotage subconsciously if they try to escape this zone. Even now that I have ‘permission’, I’m still not doing anything. In the last couple of years, the urge to be with someone has been getting stronger, the lonely pangs fiercer but still I sabotage.
Is this just a phase? (Though I have been in it all my life plus my heart was never broken) or are there people out there that are/were just like me? I believe the first stage to solving a problem is knowing what it is and I really do not know. I hope I shared enough information to help give an informed opinion.
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