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Aunty Bella: Mrs. My Friend Moved in with My Husband

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dreamstime_s_37945321Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice.

This letter is from a BN reader asking if it’s OK to feel anger at ‘the other woman’ – who was once her friend!

***

Dear BN family,

Please I need clarity on this whole *don’t be angry at the side chick-face your husband*.

I have been separated from my husband for a year plus now. I recently found out that a mutual (we went to Uni together, he was friends & business partner with my husband even before I met him) friend of ours who had asked me if we even tried counseling before quitting has already moved in with him, and still sounds all nice with me when we chat.

Before we got married, I asked him if they had any unfinished (love/sex) business as I don’t want to be in the middle of any love triangle and he said no, that it looks like she doesn’t even like men. (I knew she was linked to women back in school but who cares, its her life and didn’t even say a word in the affirmative to him).

So we got married and yeah things went south and I left. This babe called saying she heard we had separated and felt really bad and would want to come see me and the kids someday.

So we just chatted and she said, “you really sound okay” and I said yes, we are only separated, no one died. And that God willing, we can find our way back.

Fast forward to this year and she has moved her kaya in.

My point is this, beyond the fact that dude has moved on (which hurts, not that I didn’t expect it) shouldn’t I feel bad at all that someone who was there at the wedding, shared in the joys of baby naming, gisting etc decided to accept to be his woman? Is my pain not justified?

By the way I have no interest in contacting either of them. No way. Just that a friend of mine feels I shouldn’t feel any anger towards her at all!!!!! E hard sha.

Photo Credit: Gstockstudio1 | Dreamstime.com

79 Comments

  1. Scared Homosapien

    May 22, 2015 at 11:17 am

    How are you sure she actually shared in the joys of your marriage and baby naming? She might have just been registering her presence to make sure the man doesn’t forget her.
    Anyways, since you don’t plan on contacting them, just move on, cos bobo has moved ‘ahead ahead’.

    • Lilo

      May 22, 2015 at 11:51 pm

      “Just move on ” ? Why are people quick to say this? These are the worst words to say to someone going through emotional trauma. Just move on? Really? Is it that easy to move on from the life and family she built? If you have nothing to say please say nothing. ” just move one ” is so so cliche and insincere.

    • bennice

      May 24, 2015 at 9:20 pm

      Lilo” I don’t get your point.. You ended up not suggesting anything as well as kicking against her moving on. What do you suggests she rather do?

  2. smh

    May 22, 2015 at 11:22 am

    please vent if it will make you feel better.dont let unrealistic individuals to tell you to “move on” without dealing with it how you are supposed to coz it will affect you. be glad God somehow has saved you from them(someday,you will see why it never worked out)maybe someone better than that disgrace of ur ex-husband will show up.let her keep him coz her type don’t normally end up well in life. what he’s done to you will be done to her. and the fool will not find true happiness jumping from one woman to another.

    be happy!

    • THE REAL 'SMH'

      May 23, 2015 at 4:02 pm

      Are you really that dim that you cant think of another pseudonym other than SMH THAT WAS ALREADY BEING USED BY ME. BRAIN CELLS CLEARLY LACKING!

    • Homa

      May 25, 2015 at 1:55 pm

      Exactly, sometimes its good to get closure to get rid of some of the anger, to talk to them and let them know you feel betrayed. I’m sure they know but they obviously don’t care. I pray you heal because I understand your hurt and it is most painful when people who should be there for you dismiss it or make hurtful comments.

      On another note, why are women so desperate and quick to stab their friends because of men? It is very rare for a man to move in with his friends ex like this but it happens so often with women. My friend is a newly wed and her family has advised her to drop her single friends while the guy still has his friends. It hurts because I was really close to her but I understand where they are coming from 🙁

  3. me

    May 22, 2015 at 11:25 am

    It’s hard, but you need to remember you moved out for a reason, obviously a reason you could not forgive or overlook immediately or after months had passed. If those reasons where valid and strong enough all you should be doing now is laughing at the fact that this lady will experience same shit if it’s really shit.

    The lady was never a friend to you but a friend to your ex, her loyalty still lies with him. For them to have done business together, it means they understand each other better and may not have the same issues.

    Bother yourself with finding a man that would love you or getting your man back since you are so angry. Listen to your friend who is telling you not to be angry with the girl.

    The way you girls run out of marriage these days de tire me… marriage is not love, neither does it affirm happiness. Men get married for totally different reasons from women and I think it’s time we understand that. Love is in people not in marriage. Our parents understand that and we should start listening to them and not to our friends

    Look at it more as a contract or business partnership that should not be broken. Care and respect is all you need from each other. Women… keep yourselves Damn busy especially in marriage. As in, so busy you won’t notice slight things that should not matter, but while you are at it, keep your home on a Solid rock (God), and keep the sex and tease amazing.. amazing.com. but keep busy…. thats all i think i should say

    • Tee

      May 22, 2015 at 4:41 pm

      Just wanted to say your last paragraph is the truth! Yes there should be love in marriage but in reality it’s a contract! Nice. People who get separated and divorced still love each other, so of cus it’s more than love. N the women to keep busy! Pls have a job 9-5, not shop n be gossiping oh! A real job, you’ll have less time on your hands to see little things, after working all day plus Lagos traffic, you’ll barely have time to nit pick things your husbands does. To add to your comment, patience and tolerance is key. No one is perfect Biko! Don’t be mad everytime, pick your battles! Fighting everyday is not gonna make either of you happy. have a talk when everyone is in a good mood, not after somebody hit your car, or your watch is broken. Apply wisdom in everything . It’s not easy, but nothing good comes easy

    • truth

      May 22, 2015 at 10:33 pm

      you have said it all. Stella dimoko korkos cannot give better advice than this

    • you

      May 22, 2015 at 10:50 pm

      I totally agree with you. I honestly believe that love is not a good enough reason to get married because, what is love? Think about all the people you’ve known who were so much in love but ended up breaking up. Celebrities who were in love but still broke up. Your past boyfriends/girlfriends? Let me break it down with one example. Remember those songs you’ve loved in the past? Couldn’t get enough of? Played over and over again? Made you happy? Made you feel good inside? Made you dance? Made you smile? Gave you goose pimples? After a period of time the song gets too familiar and too predictable. You get tired of the song, it doesn’t do anything for you when it comes on; “ooo not that song again!”. My point is, as surely as night follows day, love (on its own) will surely fade away. There has to be several things underpinning and supporting love in a relationship for it to last. Things like understanding, respect, tolerance, trust, shared interests/goals/habits, physical attractions, sexual compatibility, money (yes money), belief etc. It has actually been proven beyond doubt that, even if there is no love in a relationship at the onset, it stands a better chance of standing the test of time with enough of the supporting things present. Love is just one thing out of many and people can actually learn to love each other (back to my song example, remember that song that was a grower?).. That is one of the reasons why the marriages of our parents seemed to stand the test of time.

    • newbie

      May 23, 2015 at 4:24 pm

      You have just knocked everyone doing an honest day’s hustle that’s not 9 to 5 as time wasters and gossips. Not good. Being busy does not start and end in a 9 to 5 job. Plus, you do realise that not everyone lives in Lagos, right? That comment about Lagos traffic…..

  4. classy

    May 22, 2015 at 11:28 am

    mehn, you friend can kill., if he had moved in with someone else it would have been fine by you, but with your own friend that’s really gonna hurt.. You have every right to feel bad, its a clear definition of betrayer….

  5. Nneka

    May 22, 2015 at 11:33 am

    I understand (being through similar) your pain and frustration and yes you should feel angry that someone you called a friend betrayed you but that’s all. Call your husband for a face to face, confirm that he’s not interested in working on your marriage. Go through all the stages of loss, forgive him and LET GO. It’s hard and painful but worth it.
    Word of advise for Ladies: Separated or not; NEVER share details of your marriage with anyone. EVER!

    • Word

      May 22, 2015 at 5:51 pm

      Thanks for the advice. I like to add never share any details of any aspect of your life with anybody, not even your family.
      Men, I love Grammarly!

    • Uche Unigwe

      May 27, 2015 at 8:15 pm

      Pls wats Grammarly? Not sure its a word in the dictionary.

    • Uche Unigwe

      May 27, 2015 at 8:13 pm

      In my opinion, I believe that it is wise to seek good counsel regarding marriage. Not talking to any1 at all is folly. Even d bible talks abt seeking good counsel. Ur marriage is not d 1st to exist and wont be d last. There’s nothing so unique abt marriage that someone else hasn’t gone through. So pls seek good counsel, apply wisdom and understanding. But DO Not shut every1 out.

  6. Ann

    May 22, 2015 at 11:33 am

    No one is saying that you shouldn’t be mad at her. You should be allowed to feel what you’re feeling and since yall were friends it’s okay to feel like you were owed a certain level of loyalty.
    What people mean when they say that you should face your husband is that your husband is the one who took vows before God and man to love you through sickness and in health till death do you part. It’s that husband who took the vows that owes you loyalty and should be the one working towards materializing that vow. But in this situation the girl is not some random girl who doesn’t owe you anything so you’re allowed to be angry. But in your anger, remember that at the end of the day it’s your husband that swore to love you forever, not her.
    So feel what you need to feel now and move on from that anger cos obviously your husband has moved on too.

  7. Sad :(

    May 22, 2015 at 11:35 am

    I have always been of the opinion that any woman is was a witness to your joy and sadness in a relationship who then decides to “assume your position” when ish goes south is a wicked woman and should be blamed. Men are typically going to cast their net anywhere and everywhere, why let his net catch you? You who knew as everything dey be?? This thing has happened to me before (not marriage though) and it hurt. The chic even called to give me advice on how to roll with men and all, and I had seen her as a friend. Only for her to move to the ex’s place barely two weeks after he broke up with me. Women need to stop being too wicked to eachother, honestly. Such behavior is really not acceptable, and I do hope the woman in your case who moved her kaya in will get tossed out the house like the rag she has shown herself to be.

    • Sad :(

      May 22, 2015 at 11:35 am

      *who

  8. Priscy

    May 22, 2015 at 11:35 am

    My dear, you are only human
    Of course you would feel hurt and even betrayed
    Infact plenty thoughts should be crossing your mind like ‘were they dating while you were married?’

    But girl, you gotta move on
    life goes on…
    Do good by ur kids and live a healthy, happy life
    We only live this life once and it’s too short

  9. @edDREAMZ

    May 22, 2015 at 11:44 am

    a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said..
    .
    Like yu said yu have been seperated frm ur husband so why are yu angry again….
    .
    .
    ***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

    • anonymous

      May 22, 2015 at 2:33 pm

      ure just so inhumane, and by d way I hope u don’t treat ur woman the same way.

    • adeanon

      May 22, 2015 at 3:59 pm

      can you kindly use the o?????

  10. The girl who flies planes

    May 22, 2015 at 11:47 am

    Thank God i have no female friends!
    Can’t shout!
    Na wa O!
    Thunder fire that your friend properly & without mercy!
    Your husband cannot move on that easily since you have kids together, so if you are still interested in being with him, ask your family or anyone he respects to intervene! If you are done with him then “to the left” with him!

    • IB

      May 22, 2015 at 5:53 pm

      I don’t have either. I have burned a million times. I don’t anybody but God.

    • daze

      May 23, 2015 at 9:14 am

      A man can equally snatch ur bae/boo these days o

  11. Ross

    May 22, 2015 at 11:59 am

    Well like you said, she wasn’t really your friend. She was his friend, and he was your husband, so it’s him you should be angry with. African women are always directing anger at the wrong person, and a commenter above even said it again ”men will always cast their nets bla bla bla”, but NO. Why do African women think nothing good should be expected of our men? Our standards are so low, all of us have the same horrible relationship stories because we set the bar low, telling men they can do us anyhow and get away with it. You were married to HIM, not the woman, and you have his children. Him doing that to you is below wrong and it is him you should be mad at. And you should find quiet time to tell him (if you guys are on cordial talking terms), that he hurt you bad. Just tell him. If he apologises, that can sooth your ego and help you move on. At least you’d know your children’s father is a decent human being. If he doesn’t see what he’s done wrong, Girl, have a thanksgiving ceremony, cos it’ll mean the Lord saved you from a lousy fool in the first place! But being angry with the woman is wrong.

  12. Life goes on

    May 22, 2015 at 12:00 pm

    Atleast she moved in when you were separated. My friend moved in when i was still dating him, and dragged my innocent name in the mud while at it, and a short 1 year later, they are happily married. Life goes on my dear, its worse when ur friend betrays you like that, but truly, Life Goes On, and one day you would understand why it all had to happen.

    • Thebabe

      May 22, 2015 at 3:47 pm

      Yea, it doesn’t hurt when its someone entirely new. I hope you are good though. Cyberhugs

  13. ednutey

    May 22, 2015 at 12:04 pm

    Ahhh!!!!!Aye ma ni’ka o…Eniyan ma soro o.

    Ur ‘friend’ was obviously coming around to be certain of your relationship status,and to give your husband close marking…its such a wicked world.

    Simple advice:Vent your annoyance(cryyyyyy very well,take time off and cryyyyy),remember to give yourself limit of some days to be upset(max 3 days)and after that,LOCK-UP!!!! Put on an ‘S’ on your chest cos yes! u’re a Superwoman,don’t let your ex and ‘friend’ have the last laugh..
    Go out there and succeed like your life depends on it(cos ur happiness depends on it) and Im sure u’ld meet someone who would appreciate you,but remember not to repeat the mistakes you made in the past that led to the end of your marriage…..U’ld be fine…kisses

    • Thebabe

      May 22, 2015 at 3:44 pm

      [email protected] time off to cryyyyy. I am okay actually. Thanks a lot.

  14. tunmi

    May 22, 2015 at 12:04 pm

    Be upset and let yourself be upset. And you will need to talk to the both of them at some point. But for now, yes you should let yourself feel. It’s both of their losses, in a great partner and a great friend. Be angry, shout and yell and cry

  15. Funmi

    May 22, 2015 at 12:10 pm

    Your anger is justified. I dont understand people who expect women in your situation to just suck it up. It hurts, real bad. She betrayed you. You sound like a strong woman. Just keep your head up. Maybe God wants to use the yeye woman to teach your husband a lesson. He will realise the grass is not greener on the other side and will find his way back to you grovelling. Stay Blessed.

  16. Ivy

    May 22, 2015 at 12:27 pm

    Some chics aint loyal, boo. Now move on, but why did you move out in the first place? Cuz short of him beating and verbally abusing you or continuously cheating on you…..there’s no reason to move out of ur matrimonial home.

  17. Fatzy

    May 22, 2015 at 12:32 pm

    hi dear, this will definitely hurt u, but do not allow it stop u from moving on and being happy. Have a talk with your husband, find out the true stand of ur relationship and stand by it, so that there won’t be regrets later in life. I wish you all the best.

  18. Anon

    May 22, 2015 at 12:42 pm

    Friend? With friends like her, you don’t need enemies.

  19. miss Pynk

    May 22, 2015 at 12:57 pm

    She was not your friend, she is your husband’s friend. Whatever the reason you moved out of your house, someone else moved in. The ract that you know here makes it more painful. Your husband has moved on, pray to God for the strength to move past the issue.

    You have not indicated you want tour husband back, so leave the issue and focus on your child.

    Marriages are getting dicier and dicer these days. Our generation wants instant results and undying and undisputed love. Those things dont exist miraculously, we either nurture them or we dont

    pynk360.com

    • Asgrl

      May 23, 2015 at 10:05 pm

      The only opinion that speaks the truth on here. The fact of the matter is she moved out and there was no indication she wanted him back. Are the reasons for the seperately even resolved? Her anger is misdirected. Focus on your future and child.

  20. sisi London

    May 22, 2015 at 12:59 pm

    WOMENNNNNNNNNNNNN. she was never your friend. she was there the whole time MONITORING you and working behind the scenes. if you dont want to get back with him then just vent and get over it. DO NOT CONTACT EITHER OF THEM, just watch God intervene

    Get back up, do something that you have never done before,be happy(not by moving on ) and let your silence speak for you.

    hugs and kisses xoxo

  21. oy

    May 22, 2015 at 1:02 pm

    sorry about that dear. Please move on, that’s the truth. don’t forget the place of prayer though, very important. …and just live your life. all will end well

  22. D

    May 22, 2015 at 1:02 pm

    From your description, I don’t see anything indicating that she was your friend in the past or at the present. She sounds more like an acquaintance both now and then. So I really don’t see any need to be upset with her. The truth is you both (Your hubby and yourself) decided for personal reasons to go your separate ways. Personally, if i ever accept to be separated from the hubby i know i am accepting the possibility that we might never get back together because i am officially giving him room to explore “other options” as for it being with someone you know, well, let me just say he has to move on with someone and most likely with someone he knows and since you both recently got separated i.e a few years/months ago then it is very likely that he moves on with someone you both know especially if he wasn’t cheating on you prior to separation. I am of the opinion that there is no point getting upset with the lady because she happens to be a mutual acquaintance, i understand it hurts especially since it is obvious you were hoping for reconciliation but that is obviously between you and the hubby not the third wheel in this case.

  23. jefka

    May 22, 2015 at 1:27 pm

    the day you moved out of the house, and out of his life, was the day you lost any and every right to be mad at him or the move in chick
    marriage is for better for worse, since you didn’t say why you moved out, i will assume you just rushed into marriage not really understanding what comes with marriage and you were quick to butt out. since its been a year, kindly let go and focus on your children.
    remain blessed.

    • oj

      May 22, 2015 at 3:57 pm

      I don’t think a husband or wife is justified to cheat when he or she separates from their spouse. that she moved out does not mean that they were divorced. as long as they re still married, she has every right to be upset that another woman moved in to her home.

  24. spoonfullofsugar

    May 22, 2015 at 1:39 pm

    I have no words and no advice for you. Just a big virtual hug from the airport I’m typing from and a loud shout of IT IS WELL!

  25. nene

    May 22, 2015 at 1:59 pm

    Nne, feel angry oh; get pissed and all BUT if you do not haave plans to call your husbaNd or her, I advice you also delete her number and all. I also think however, that since she chats with you as normaal as normal could be, you should tallk to her about it. It wouldn’t hurt. It could go either ways: meaning something or nothing. So before your water boils over, decide appropriately. I got yaaa bak! Shalom.

  26. Que

    May 22, 2015 at 2:06 pm

    Weelllll…… many people are very progressive so that’s nice for u all…. my dear you can be mad at whoever you want….at him, at her and then at you! All these phases will happen anyways and all these logic of who made what vow will leave window! Feelings have never been about logic, thats why you dont get married based solely on feelings. Feelings will always change, then what you have to hold onto are the unchaging qualities and thats what holds a marriage up…..the unchanging is character…. now if his unchanging part was enough for you to leave, then know that this hurt will be temporary and the day will come when you’ll be happy you took to stepping….but if his unchanging part is worth the pain, maybe there can be reconciliation on the table…maybe…you know best… but in the meantime, you are entitled to your feelings biko, moan, cry, curse, pray, eat icecream, talk to a counsellor, whatever… no violence o…..and do everything else to get a move on with your life if you have decided no going back…. Above all else, whichever way you go (reconcile or divorce), be determined to get past this phase of hurt, and live out the dreams you had b4 any man became a part of your story. I look forward to the day you write BN again with laughter in your heart….

    I truly wish you the best and God’s grace. Hugs for the hurt.

    • Thebabe

      May 22, 2015 at 3:42 pm

      lol @moan, cry, pray, eat ice cream…lol

    • Youareagoat

      May 22, 2015 at 6:38 pm

      How silly of you. Someone wrote all those nice words from their heart and all you can muster is LOL? Do better than that please and yes, I did see your general thank you. Still, if you took time to reply then you should’ve taken time out to say thank you as well. Nonesense!

  27. Godsangel

    May 22, 2015 at 2:12 pm

    Its hard we know, but put ur trust in God and move on……learn from the mistake u made cos u moved out of ur home and then ur husband moved on.Forgive and let it go.

  28. Iris

    May 22, 2015 at 2:34 pm

    First of all, you can feel however you want to feel as long as you put a time limit on it and let it go. Apparently there are some superhumans here and I applaud them,but God knows I would be pissed as hell. Even if I didn’t know the woman sef, I would still be hurt. Emotions are not always rational but we should try to make our resulting actions rational, so after allowing yourself to feel / vent, channel that energy into more positive things. If some muscles need to be tightened you can start working out, eat healthy, pamper yourself, love your kids. You can avoid your former husband and his wife if you like but if you run into them you would have reached that stage where you have to be at least civil since he is the father of your children. But really take care of yourself and your children with the best kind of positive living you can afford (I recommend yoga too if possible). Your joy will come in the morning.

  29. Iris

    May 22, 2015 at 2:37 pm

    O I forgot self development – perhaps a new course, an online learning language class, short travel trips (doesn’t have to be anywhere far or special). Just mix it up a bit.

    • Thebabe

      May 22, 2015 at 6:57 pm

      On it already and loving it! Done with one course already and started another. I also have an amazing support system so me and the kids are doing just fine. Thank you BN family.

  30. Moyo

    May 22, 2015 at 2:49 pm

    I will advise that you get rid of any anger you have because that relationship was not working and you decided to leave. If he was not worth keeping the marriage, what difference would it make that it was your friend that moved in. If you have no feelings for the man, move on. Anger makes you bitter inside and eventually gives illnesses you don’t deserve. Make yourself happy, join a health club/gym, work on yourself, turn to God and He will heal you of any hurt that you may harbour in your heart. There is a life out there waiting for you, embrace it. Good luck and God bless you

  31. me

    May 22, 2015 at 2:58 pm

    People just comment without understanding what they read. The New lady was never the wives friend but the Man’s friend….

  32. Grace E

    May 22, 2015 at 3:28 pm

    that she was there at your wedding, child naming ceremony etc does not exactly mean she was there to celebrate you or she shares your joys… some people only stay in your life long enough to achieve certain intentions good or bad (in this case, i think hers was bad)…maybe this was/is her end goal.. your husband is also suspect!!! anyway, you are absolutely justified to be angry BUT do not dwell on it……try to distract yourself and do fun stuff..hang out with friends and speak to a trusted friend and get some comfort..we all need it once in a while

    sorry babe..!! *cyber hugs*

  33. Grace E

    May 22, 2015 at 3:29 pm

    …and for all you know their own relationship may end up not working out…he may someday move in with another friend of hers…count this disappointment as a blessing in disguise and just move on hun

  34. Thebabe

    May 22, 2015 at 3:40 pm

    Hello people,

    Thanks a lot for the kind words. For those worried about my wellbeing, I am working and doing quite well for myself….

    I did move out for a reason. . . .Abuse!!! Both emotional & physical. He was bullying me and expected me to accept it as everyother woman he knew did. He knew from the word go that I hated bullying or abuse of any kind. There was no sign during period of dating and No I wasn’t blinded (my own type of love wears magnifying lenses…lol). The only sign I saw was after marriage, when I got a better job and dude became so insecure and controlling… long story…..Abeg I can’t come and die on top Mrs. title ….lol

    I took that walk, and I have NEVER regretted it. I guess I was more or less shocked because it was someone who knew us.

    Thanks again and all the best.

    • moma

      May 22, 2015 at 4:06 pm

      Girl,

      In my very short time on earth I have learnt to live by one phrase: “Time will tell”

      It may seem all rosy for them now but when they break-up it will be tragic. Cheaters and abusers NEVER change. You missed a major bullet so rejoice cos your so called “friend: that moved in with him will soon reap the bitter fruit of her labor.

      We are humans and it is ok to get hurt and angry, nothing wrong with that!

      Move on. you have a successful career and a beautiful child. Put your trust in God and when you meet someone else please keep those magnifying glasses on.

    • Uju

      May 22, 2015 at 7:25 pm

      Good to know you re doing fine without him. Good riddance to bad rubbish I say. Abuse of any kind is a no- no.

    • Gold digger

      May 22, 2015 at 7:30 pm

      You have every right to feel the way you do because you never saw any of these situations coming, from the abuse to the separation and now an acquaintance moving in. For me, I am glad you got out the moment you did. Life is too short and your happiness and sanity is precious. I pray and wish you all the best on this journey and I know with time your wounds would heal. You never know what lies ahead or what God has in store for you. You never know.

  35. JK

    May 22, 2015 at 3:40 pm

    This is one of the many agonies of Relationship break ups/ Divorce. Some think it is freedom and before u know it , it becomes a bondage.U are never free from the thought of your Ex partner. Even when u find yourself in another next thing-whether u remarry or whatever…u still keep tabs on each other secretly…somehow u don’t really want your old partner back but then u don’t want another to have him either…like u just want to have a forever say or control of the future of that person still!!!
    I know divorce is not good but when it happens how do you expect the already sexually active victims to live without sex? For every responsible male or female to find a stable companion will cross their minds rather than sleeping around.In this case this Lady shoukd make up her mind if she wants her Husband back and make good move to fix her home again and not just stay somewhere we dont know doing what we dont know and telling one incomplete story. Because she doesnt sound like she regret the break up (“yeah we got married and things went south and i left”) meaning she left the guy! Father of her children! Why did you leave him in the first instance …pls tell us. so u think u can eat your cake and have it? I think some ladies can be very mean at times. Anyway She has said it, the husband old lady friend is not really into men(weird cus what then does she want from the man now?) Please before we judge and throw stones we should be careful . No body is perfect .Men look outward but God look inward. Am tired of people commenting with strong affirmations and being so judgemental.

  36. Kadara

    May 22, 2015 at 3:48 pm

    You have a right to be angry with her, unlike a random girl she owes you to at least tell you before moving in with him if nothing else. When we say face your husband we are not saying don’t be angry with the shameless women however most of your Nigerian women leave the men and focus all their enegy on the mistress which is pointless, if that one goes he will get another one bad use he is the indiscipline one who doesn’t value his vows.

    If you want him back you can make a play for him if you think he’s worth it . Otherwise move on with your life and remove her from your mind but if she comes around trying to be friendly and doesn’t say she’s in a relationship with him then call her out.

  37. Fleur

    May 22, 2015 at 4:18 pm

    Bitter pill to swallow but listen – give that new woman time and she will tell you her own friend moved in with him. There is something to be said about people who know no boundaries, and it is not a positive thing. That husband of yours will sleep with cousins, nieces, househelps, etc. DO you want that? Leave him to his devices. They always catch up with the perpetrators.

  38. Miss Sad and Lonely

    May 22, 2015 at 4:46 pm

    how does one move on from dating a married man?

  39. Tosin

    May 22, 2015 at 4:56 pm

    seems like everybody is happy. what do YOU want – a divorce might be nice, or an apology from your husband ‘cos why did he not consider your feelings, or you could be evil and steal him right back from Miss Lesbian-no-more 🙂 Have fun.

  40. omooba

    May 22, 2015 at 5:13 pm

    Ask her…for confirmation and closure.

  41. defbabe

    May 22, 2015 at 5:25 pm

    Your friend, your husband’s friend ! It does not matter. The Bible says a wise woman builds her home but a foolish woman pulls it down with her own hands . It is no one’s fault but you, blaming someone else is a smokescreen. What GOD has joined together let no man put asunder! Please fight for your home , you must reap where you sow, no strange woman should take your place.
    My own two cents !!!!!!!!!!!!

    • May

      May 23, 2015 at 9:07 pm

      Please how is it her fault?

  42. nene

    May 22, 2015 at 7:19 pm

    honestly what type of friends do you have? a bisexual friend who is now living with your ex husband, and another one who says you shouldn’t be angry at your other friend. please, get good friends and surround yourself with good people cuz that ex husband of yours sounds shady too. birds of a feather flock together

  43. Wow

    May 22, 2015 at 7:50 pm

    Couldn’t help but comment on this. I think BN’s title of this post is what’s misleading, “Mrs. My Friend Moved in with my Husband”. This lady wasn’t your friend. She was your husband’s friend and became an acquaintance as a result.

    The first part of the post states “Before we got married, I asked him if they had any unfinished (love/sex) business as I don’t want to be in the middle of any love triangle and he said no, that it looks like she doesn’t even like men.” Which means you had some inclination that they might have had something. Quite honestly, it doesn’t even matter.

    You’ve been separated from him for “a year plus” and he’s moved on. Is it painful? Of course, it is. Since you mentioned you left due to emotional and physical abuse/bullying, kudos to you for taking the bold step. Let her (the friend) deal with his abuse now. Unless this woman was your very close friend, she really owes you no explanation nor allegiance. Even your husband no longer owes you an explanation as you’ve been separated for a while. Unless you’re trying to work it out with him, put a closure to the marriage (divorce) and move on with your life. All the best.

  44. tutu

    May 22, 2015 at 11:01 pm

    I understand your pain cos I’ve been In a similar situation.
    I was saying a guy dome years back n we seemed to be into each other. I had to leave the country with my family n I didn’t want a long distance relationship… so we had an “understandable” breakup.. .only for me to hear a month later from people that he has already begun dating one of my close friends…
    I was really shocked at both of them…they kept calling me on the fone apologizing.. smh A** Holes

  45. Miss Bih

    May 23, 2015 at 12:07 am

    Lol I had the same experience. Just that my case was just a simple relationship and worst more the babe was one of my closest friends. When we broke up I cried all my tears to her and as soon as the whole thing was over she jumped into the guys arms. It happened three years ago but when I think about it I still feel the knife in my chest. Anyways God is not a God of sleep! He is watching and one day she would be put to shame. Ashawo!

  46. Tosin

    May 23, 2015 at 5:01 am

    wey my comment?
    “seems like everybody is happy. now what do YOU want? some possibilities – a divorce would be nice, an apology from your husband who didn’t consider your feelings enough, or you may even want to steal him back from Miss Lesbian-No-More 🙂 Have fun.”

  47. Selfworth

    May 23, 2015 at 9:02 am

    You need to understand that you are beautifully and wonderfully made.. Created in the Image of the Most High God.. You are no ones punching bag… My Love You are worth a man loving and treating like a Queen and once you remember that.. It will help you move on..
    The way I see it is you have 2 choices.. One is to be with someone who constantly devalues you, hits you when he wants to and makes you feel less or separate and learn you love yourself again… You dont need anyone to love you… Love starts from within.. Clean your face, dust yourself off… Cry if you must for just a day and tell yourself that tomm is a brand new day..
    For your friend nemesis will catch up with her… U dont have to call anyone.. Just move on.. and develope yourself..
    Cheers!

  48. mirabel

    May 23, 2015 at 2:47 pm

    marriage like death of a loved one if not mourned you will remain in constant denial about your feelings and the reality.. so by all means vent and move on ..its the end

  49. Benzy

    May 23, 2015 at 3:57 pm

    Hmmmm sorry dearie it hurts but u’ve to move on coz u left him for a reason, let her experience wat u wia experiencing in his hux dat met u liv

  50. Angel

    May 23, 2015 at 5:43 pm

    My dear the pain, anger, betrayal, whatever you feel is totally justified, for goodness sakes you are human, I don’t understand the people saying you should not be angry or u should not direct your anger at the lady, whatever….. My only advice is please take time to think things through, I mean everything that happened and learn from it. Give yourself time to heal, I don’t believe in saying move on like it’s as simple as that, we are not all the same, we don’t all heal from a broken heart/ relationship in the same manner and time frame, so just do what you know is best for you and ur kids, remember your husband is still the father of your kids after all said and done. And pls know the sort of people you surround yourself with in the name of friends especially women. Keep ur head up hun, you will be fine.

  51. AbujaKenneth

    May 25, 2015 at 1:20 pm

    You have all the right to be angry my dear. My only reservation is that we seem to be too fast in separating. My woman on several occasions since 2010 not only threatened to kill me but also described how she will accomplish it. She has stopped her conjugal duties to me for close to two years now. But till today we are still living in the same roof because of the child involved probably.

  52. MubsObserve

    June 5, 2015 at 8:59 pm

    Just forget them and move on.

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