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HILARIOUS! Twitter NG Shares #1000NigerianWaysToDie

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There is never a dull moment in the Twitter Universe, especially the Nigerian Planet of that Universe.

Today, Twitter users are sharing #1000NigerianWaysToDie.

This will surely make your evening, especially if you grew up in a typical Nigerian home.

CAUTION! Don’t scroll down if you have phobia for cracked ribs!

1000NigerianWaysToDie2 1000NigerianWaysToDies

24 Comments

  1. Baby gurl

    August 28, 2016 at 10:28 pm

    Mine is the day I told my mom I am a feminist and listed the things I can and cannot take from a man. It started with a threat. She threatened me that I will not find a husband(lol). Then she started raining curses on me o about how disappointed she is in me(lol again). Throughout that day and the next day I would have preferred if I were in a military drill base or something. Verily verily I say unto you, I almost died. It was damn too much for only speaking out loud my true values and beliefs.

    • zeal

      August 28, 2016 at 10:39 pm

      Telling the truth to Nigerian parents, is a serious TABOO

    • ATL's finest

      August 28, 2016 at 11:40 pm

      Lol I’m telling U 🙂 God bless our Parents esp the Mothers & they can be very dramatic too LOL.sometimes I just wanna say ‘Calm down Mom it ain’t that deep’. But where’s the mind & Liver?????

    • Mr. Egghead

      August 28, 2016 at 11:04 pm

      Lmao!

    • ElessarisElendil

      August 29, 2016 at 12:16 am

      To play devil’s advocate, why not list them, in case your Mama had a point.

    • AceOfSpades

      August 29, 2016 at 7:07 am

      I brought a girl to our house when I was in SS 3 I think. My mom was just giving attitude and when my dad came home she told him ‘Omo e gbe obinrin wa ka mi mo ile’

      The next two months I couldn’t breathe. Iya Nike Na wah for you o!

  2. Beard gang

    August 28, 2016 at 11:20 pm

    lmfao!

    girlfriend’s father: young man who are you looking for?
    me: bimpe **smiles sheepishly**
    girlfriend’s father: bimpe my daughter?
    me: yes sir
    girlfriend’s father: wait here i’m coming

    #1000NigerianWaysToDie

  3. Elle

    August 28, 2016 at 11:54 pm

    Me reading this and LMAO

    Mum: y are you LOL

    Me: Lol at you.

  4. BeautifulOnyinye

    August 28, 2016 at 11:57 pm

    Lol.Kai! I literarily laughed out loud.

  5. Dami

    August 29, 2016 at 12:07 am

    Telling your parents they are wrong ! Game over ! Even when they knoe they are wrong … they just don’t want you telling them they are wrong.

  6. Felinda

    August 29, 2016 at 12:42 am

    If you a single girl tell your mom you don’t ever want to get married or have kids. Ever Ever. That you are a lesbian and going to marry your lover

    • Iris

      August 29, 2016 at 6:30 am

      Lmao. As if the first bombshell was not bad enough, you decide to come out of the closet and then add marriage on top.
      Verily verily I say unto you. It is better for that woman to turn herself in to the police for voluntary 14 years jail sentence.
      The alternative is that they will not find her body.

  7. chamazing chick

    August 29, 2016 at 12:49 am

    For quick and instant death, go and slap a soldier!

  8. Berry Dakara

    August 29, 2016 at 1:06 am

    BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I remember one evening after 9pm when I was 14, the house phone rang and the housekeeper answered. She now comes to the parlor to say there’s a guy on the phone for me! Me ke?! The fear in my heart when my mum said “Go and answer the phone, I will pick up the other line” 😐 Kill me now.

  9. Nwababy

    August 29, 2016 at 1:20 am

    Me: *watching a timed tv show*
    Mom: N.K! Come and go and buy me fuel
    Me: Ah ahn mummy am I the only one you saw at home?

  10. Ij

    August 29, 2016 at 7:22 am

    Honestly I think dodging a beating or holding their hand to prevent a beating is the worst possible thing you can do to your parents, just kill yourself please

  11. lill

    August 29, 2016 at 8:57 am

    On my way back from school (ss1) I was talking to a guy close to my house and my mom saw us. I can remember d look on her face wen I got home and jamb questions

  12. shield

    August 29, 2016 at 9:44 am

    LMAO! Thank God I have an office to maself, my colleagues would’ve been wondering wharrapens to me. Choi! This is the best here –
    Mom:Pass me the remote
    me:mummy catch
    The next thing na: “Gone too young” dem go write for the obituary.

  13. Ayodele

    August 29, 2016 at 9:49 am

    My mom scolding you and you are laughing#youaredead

  14. Dammie

    August 29, 2016 at 9:58 am

    Lmfao!!!!!! The one i can remember from the top of my head was just a little after i finished secondary school and i was sent to go throw away fish guts then this popular nieghbourhood “bad boy” walks up to me to talk and my mum comes out at the same time but he did not see her. I kept telling dude infact shouting it that he should leave me alone as i am not interested but this guy wont budge as i try to move he blocks my way next thing i know “iya damilola” just walks up to me n slaps d nonsense out of me, tells me next time that is how i tell someone to leave me alone and not be acting like an “ode” in her words,turns and looks at the boy then goes into the house…kai i almost killed the boy the next time i saw him.
    #1000Nigerianwaystodie

  15. Mz Socially Awkward...

    August 29, 2016 at 10:17 am

    #1000NaijaWaysToDie

    When I was 15, my parents travelled to the village for a long weekend. I have no way to clearly explain which exact spirit of rebellion entered my heart in those 3 days (I blame MTV) … but I decided to put a stud piercing in my nose. By myself. At home.

    So, they returned and I gladly bounced up to greet them with my new nasal adornment. Until today, I still don’t know where the slap my father gave me came from (you know as Naija parents have some split-second, very instant reaction to childish exuberance) but best believe me when I say the stud literally FLEW out of my nose and ended up in the opposite side of the room.

    Thunder and brimstone fell under that roof that day….. but Praise Master Jesus that we can all laugh about it today. 😀

  16. Prince

    August 29, 2016 at 1:30 pm

    All haid Naija parents. #specializedmom #nononsensedad

  17. Marian

    August 29, 2016 at 1:44 pm

    Was so excited when i got invited to my first sleepover in yankee. I was forming americana and disney had me fooled. In my mind my mom was just gonna call the girl’s mom to confirm and help me pack for the sleepover. The slap wey i chop on top the stairs when i asked still dey pain me till today.

  18. Tosin

    September 1, 2016 at 4:43 pm

    group hug. we are survivors.

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