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Boris Kodjoe Spills the Tea on Why Single Women should Stop Dating for ‘Potential’



Nicole Ari Parker & Boris Kodjoe

Nicole Ari Parker & Boris Kodjoe

“It’s really all about the work that you do on yourself. Because if I’m not ready to receive that person, I won’t meet her.”

In an interview on Essence Live, Boris Kodjoe shares the secrets of his marriage to gorgeous actress, Nicole Ari Parker. Here’s what he said;

You know, when I was single, I had to ready myself to be able to attract the person that was supposed to be with me, right? So you have to do a lot of work when you’re single in order to meet that person. A lot of people say, how do I meet my soul mate? How do I meet It’s really all about the work that you do on yourself.

Because if I’m not ready to receive that person, I won’t meet her, or I will meet the wrong person that’s attracted by all the crazy stuff that I’ve got going on. So I had to work on myself first. I had to figure out the patterns that I sort of developed in my relationships. And I had to come to terms with the responsibility I had in the relationships that failed and I have to sort of arrive at a point where I was confident and comfortable with who I was and where I was going. And at that point, I knew I was gonna meet her. And I did.

The problem is that often sometimes, women project all these things on these men, and it’s not their fault. No, I understand that, yeah. Because a lot of women, they fall in love with the potential rather than the person. My brother says that all the time. He’s like, you fall for the potential and not the reality. Yes. He says that all the time.

You gotta be in love with the person that’s standing in front of you right now. Are you listening? The person standing in front of you right now, not the potential, not what he could become. If he does certain things. When the person is standing in front of you right this minute, and if you’re good with that, if you’re comfortable with that, if you love that person, then it’s gonna be successful. That’s the best tip, I completely agree. And then the third is married with children, which is a whole different ball of wax.

Source & Photo Credit: Essence


  1. tunmi

    December 2, 2016 at 2:57 pm

    My guy, Bros, men and women do this -ish of dating for potential. Abeg make I go study jor

  2. Teju TJ

    December 2, 2016 at 4:05 pm

    After marrying someone because of the potential I saw in him…I say to everyone who asks’ me – run away from potential. Potential did not ‘epp’ anybody o. Why can’t you see the potential in someone who has figured their shit together. If you have your shit figured out, be with someone who is on the same page with you otherwise you are setting yourself up for a long list of irreconcilable differences.

    Be in love with the person standing in front of you. Don’t also be in love with their words….be in love with their actions. Someone can not tell you they love you and in their actions, they seek every single opportunity to make your weak and create a burden on your heart. Even the lots of us who have daddy issues know that isn’t love. lol. There are so many mistakes mehn…we are all just trying to breathe in this game called life.

  3. nene

    December 2, 2016 at 4:07 pm

    i believe you should date who’s standing in front of you, but if there’s no potential or if his potentials don’t align with yours, bye!

  4. madman

    December 2, 2016 at 4:30 pm

    Marriage is “as is.”

  5. Just Sayin'

    December 2, 2016 at 5:11 pm

    People who date for potential are potentially going to end up single, unhappy or married briefly. Truth is, you cannot see a good marriage, you can only see how far your material mind can show you. As a Christian i am instructed not to walk by sight but faith. Everbody was created with potential only genuine love can covert to kinetic.

    • Akpeno

      December 2, 2016 at 5:57 pm

      Yep! I can testify to this!

      Married “a good guy with potential” where did that leave me? Raising our child alone with no potential of ever getting help from the “good guy with potential”

  6. That-I-May-Fly

    December 2, 2016 at 5:58 pm

    Dude speaks the gospel!

  7. Teju TJ

    December 2, 2016 at 6:11 pm

    BN where is my comment?

  8. Lailatu

    December 2, 2016 at 7:48 pm

    Word! Totally agree with Boris!

  9. Tootsie

    December 3, 2016 at 5:16 am

    Most beautiful couple ever!! I agree with Boris 100%!

  10. Manny

    December 4, 2016 at 3:33 am

    I love this couple. I pray they never have cause to divorce

  11. Abominable snow girl

    December 4, 2016 at 4:32 pm

    Is “potential” same as “prospects” because I am a bit confused? ?

  12. Sheila Parham

    December 8, 2016 at 7:49 pm

    Yes, you should stop dating (act of over-engaging with the opposite set usually for superficial, sexual, and emotional insecurity purposes). Dating is a new phenomena and its clearly not working in mass for Africans and African Americans in mass. We have less marriages and families since the increase in dating culture. You should choose to court the right person that has potential and is doing the work on self as you should be. You both support each other in your growth and mission to build a trusting foundation together. He says he had to get himself together then magically he meets the one but did “The One” have herself together and was the best choice for him. Just because you see to people together in a functioning relationship does not mean they are the best for each other. Lets embrace our ancestral African mating culture that did work vs. european cultural dating. success.

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