Douglas imagines Governor Abiola Ajimobi writing a letter to LAUTECH students after their protest and the backlash after the release of the SAHARA Reporters video. This letter explains his stand, so as to clear up the obvious confusion.
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Dear Incorrectly Disgruntled LAUTECH student,
I wish I could hope this met you in excellent spirits, but I am well aware you are quite upset at the moment.
However, I am fairly confident that after you read this letter, you will feel much better and we can resume our relationship as Daddy and Loyal Subject.
In 2011, you were part of those who elected me as Governor of Oyo State. In 2015, you returned me once again to the office – breaking the jinx of Oyo State Governors serving only one term. We have been in this together now for 5 and a half years. Surely, after all this time you understand the terms of engagement. But I’m sure last week was just a misunderstanding though I was deeply saddened.
First, you know that you did not elect me to serve you; this is not why I’m here. I was not sworn in to provide for mundane things like an allocation for your education, increasing the literacy rate, paying the salaries of your lecturers, or any civil servant for that matter, or contributing to the management of your school. No.
It pains me that you do not remember.
I am here for just a few humble reasons, to which you agreed when you elected me. To acquire power and public wealth. To use it to the benefit of my friends and family. My daughters – God bless their hearts – make urgent, pressing requests of me for things like a $15,304 Marchesa dress or that other $3,321 Tom Ford dress. A father must not say no to his daughters.
Moving on, if you also recall, I held up to my end of the bargain last campaign cycle. During the election rounds, in my generousity and magnanimity, I shared with you Ijebu Garri and Rice, branded in the finest quality of graphics, my honourable picture and nylon bags. You had free food for a whopping total of several campaign days. I’m sure your memory is coming round now.
Second, I do not like the way you reacted when I said schools being closed indefinitely is nothing new. You behaved as if I lied. As recently as July 2016, Kogi State University, Obafemi Awolowo University and Niger Delta University were all on indefinite strikes. Though one or two of them may have resumed now, but that’s not an important detail.
Yes, there was some discomfort but their students did not accost their governors – and caught on tape – to demand for anything. They spent that time off adequately. They had more time for their Facebook accounts, sharing funny videos, posting comments on blogs, trying out technological advancements of picture filtering.
Third, I am the constituted authority of Oyo State. I apologize that I had to remind you. You know I am to be spoken to gently at all times, called different terms of endearment like Oga, Daddy, and Baba. This is how we have always shown each other love. But I do forgive you for momentarily forgetting. It was quite hot that day you were out. You were confused by the humid weather, incorrectly exerting energy demanding for things.
Lastly, don’t mind the armchair activists saying I was ‘inciting violence’ by telling you to ‘do your worst’. It is such an unkind thing to say. They do not mean us well. They do not know now that that’s how we have dialogued with each other for years now, and you have with Governors that came before me and other senior leaders.
Now, I am sure you see things a little more clearly now that I have taken great pains to explain. You do not need to thank me. I was only doing my bit as your Daddy and Governor.
I must now leave you. It seems I may have to write a similar letter to the civil servants who have are incorrectly disgruntled, making claims on some of the state money in my care. Funny lot!
Take care. Continue to enjoy your rest at home!
This writer’s BIO tho… lmao
His Bio is everything…lmao…the letter is spot on too
I didn’t find this article funny at all if that was the writer’s intention…staying at home for 7mnths is not a palatable situation #re-openlautech
The writers bio made me forget about the egocentric constituted boss for a minute??
Lmao.
Writer’s bio is satirically hilarious.
Did you go to Babcock I love you already- mehn life is unfair- when you finish uni – ull be thinking NNPC- UN things etc- when life give you gbosa twice- you go dey dance galala when you get 30k contract job for some bank….I’ve learnt to be contented …..mehn! That’s life
Okay I just read the article. Funny as well but captures true events.
Douglas your sense of humor is wicked! Don’t stop here, we need satires/parodies like these.
Sadly this article speaks the truth. The governor of a state speaking without caution insinuating violence and wrath on students whose school has been on lock down for over eight months. Couldn’t he have approached the matter diplomatically?? I saw the video and thought see the man Oyo state indigens elected into office not once but twice i dont blame them tho they come up front lie and make all sorts of promises with bags of rice Garri and recharge card to buy votes.
This writer is something else o, BN where did u guys find him…’resumes 11am on excellent days and closes 3;30pm sharp’…hahaha, I haff die.
Bosses who could actually write proper sentences, that’s another article, mine is a case, wont read more than five lines either, instead he says break down your English, no be everybody go school..
Pls write more Douglas.
Thanks Douglas for this lovely piece. These so called Governors be acting like they are doing the populace a favor :s. By the second term they are next to useless with their unguarded utterances.
i must admit i skipped the article nd went right to the comments bcos i thought it was gov ajimobi who wrote.after reading 1 ,2 comments i couldnt wait to get back to the article.I wasnt dissapointed.Today has been too typical so I am happy I smiled.Y cant i b a civil servant ?
Best article for me so far this year 2017
I just hope my school will be reopen as soon as possible. 8month sitting at home is no joke…#ReopenLautech #ConsitutedAuthority
I have always been of the opinion that no political office holder should be voted twice. Let them do once and commot.
this writer’s bio is so hilarious…made my evening.he even made civil service job sound interesting and easy, more write ups please
“Constituted Authority; your story no dey add up but anyways weh’don sir”
…asides the fact that there’s a huge problem with (the majority of) those voted/appointed into various offices et positions, there’s this fundamental issue (imho) of the fact that the warped mindset of these dim bats is a reflection (somewhat) of the voting populace…..
…it also doesn’t help the wrong perception of what being a civil servant or public officer entails.
Douglas, and others like him or her (it could be her last name), shouldn’t be processed for the refined palette only. Tertiary (and even lower level) institutions should have all hands on deck to encourage their produce to be creative solution providers even for the mess we currently have to deal with. There should be better orientation on the fact that most times “all things aren’t equal”; and thus teach ways of how to handle matters in such situations…..more emphasis on “how to think”, not “what to think”.
… how else do we get to “change” and address this rot.?
Douglas I looove your style of writing! Please where and how can I follow you on social media…I want to read more from you…