The IJGBs are coming. The IJGBs are coming.
It’s December. It’s the end of the year, the time for (some) offices to go on break, for (some of) our favourite musicians to organise concerts, and, most notably, for IJGBs to return home.
(Oh, it’s Christmas too, but that’s beside the point.)
Trying to come up with this list, we found that a lot of actual youths in actual Lagos actually have no idea what IJGBs actually are. So let’s get that out of the way.
IJGB, short for I Just Got Back, refers to Nigerians in the Diaspora who are visiting the country for their annual taste of home. You know, after a year of posting on social media about the motherlan’, feeling connected to it only through music and web series and Nollywood films on YouTube (and now also on Netflix), they return to experience the sun and the traffic and the parties and the concerts and the people and the culture.
So, yeah, you’re caught up.
For a lot of people, things change with the arrival of the IJGBs. And these changes can be jarring. So, benevolent beings that we are in BellaNaija, we’ve opted to take you through small rituals that *may* help you through this important period of your lives. You’re welcome.
Save Your November Salary
I mean, first of all, we’re sorry this is coming so late. It’s already the first week of December, and if you’re anything like us, only half of your salary is left. And half of that half is for transport and feeding. And the other half is to pay debts. So, really, you don’t even have any money. So, yeah, sorry.
Anyway. If you magically happen to have any money left, please, save it. Take the cheapest danfo to work if you have to. Skip work. Because when your IJGB friends arrive, they’ll expect you to go everywhere with them. Everywhere. And, if your friends are anything like ours, they’ll expect you to foot your own bills.
Hide Your Spouses
And guard your hearts, too.
Because, really, we’ve heard too many stories about people falling for IJGBs who are only looking for summer love. (Summer because “it’s too hot” [more on that later].) And so many of us here are looking for love that will take us with them to the abroad. Love that will infect us with accent. Just, please, taper your hopes. Gum it down.
Also, someone on our team shared a story of someone’s spouse picking an IJGB up at the airport, staying (as in living) and partying and dining with the IJGB, even seeing them off to the airport. Basically the person took leave from their relationship to be with IJGB. Plis, dears, if it is to remain inside the house with your spouses, just do it. Nike. Better safe than sorry.
Have a Bottle of Water on You Always
Guys. If you’ve spent even one minute with an IJGB in December before, you know they have one unforgivable trait: complaining about the weather. They go on and on and on and on about how hot the weather is. It is exhausting! You’d expect that they’d wear flimsy clothes that’ll let the air through. But no, it’s still black shirts and jackets and denim dungarees and tracksuits you’ll be seeing.
Anyway. That’s not the point. The point is you should assist them anyway you can. And the easiest way to do this is by having a bottle of water on you always. Just, for their own sake. Cold water, too. They’ll need it, because, truly, have you seen this Lagos recently? It is burning! Save an IJGB today. Keep a (few) bottles of water on you always.
Because, really guys, aren’t you sick of the traffic?
School children are starting to go on their December breaks, and folks have begun travelling to their hometown. What we’re trying to say here is that the traffic is starting to disappear. When IJGBs arrive, the clog will begin again. What should you do to avoid this?
I mean, the ideal thing to do would be to remain in your houses. But December must be dettied, so we’ll just say, please, take okada, Uber, danfo, BRT, even molue. There are trains too in Lagos, we hear. So, yeah, take those. Just, please, save us from the traffic. Take public transport.
Get Ready to Be a Tour Guide
Ultimately, this one is unavoidable if you have an IJGB friend like we do. You will be a tour guide. That resort place they saw on Instagram, you’re taking them there. That fat prawn they saw on Twitter, you’re going with them to get it. That musician they love so much, you’re seeing them together. Start working out and jogging so you can work up your endurance. It’s going to happen!
So, there. We hope these 5 points will help you out this December. Have fun. Be detty!