We Do Not Know What Makes Us Become

The evening sun cast a yellow glow on the faces of the young boys as they sat in the plastic green chairs, green bottles set on the table before them. Some inches away from them, old men sat in two-table groups and sipped beer. These young boys, lost in their pleasure of mockery, mimicked the old men by raising the empty bottles to their mouths and pretending to gulp alcohol down their throats and getting drunk. As I watched on, multiple thoughts played around in my head – where are their parents? Why can’t they be cautioned? What would these boys become? But I snapped out of my thoughts when I realised I was allowing my personality to shadow my judgement.

I’m a Muslim and drinking alcohol is prohibited for me but there are people outside my religion who take it and it’s perfectly normal to them. So instead of making the story about these boys, I reflect on what moulds a person.

I grew up in a house that is strictly religious. The four walls of our compound were stamped with religious markings and cautions. But beyond the four walls of our house, my environment was filled with everything these religious markings preached against. Just beyond our fence, random parties sprung up at night and boys and girls smoked and wiggled their bodies to the sound of music until they were exhausted. Some afternoons, gamblers would fight until blood seeped out of someone’s skin. On some days though, there would be no blood. Everything happening just beyond my fence was everything the walls of our house warned me against. Yet, I knew these things. In fact, sometimes, I found myself rolling six-sided dice and gambling with my last penny. My mother must not see me and I never allowed her to. I could have become something far different from what our house walls wanted but I chose not to.

I remembered this when I thought of what those boys would become. I have realised that becoming, as a process, is intuitional and intentional. I have read arguments that claim that environments determine what we become. I have also read arguments that purport that our birth influences what we eventually become in the future. But, using myself as an example, I could have been influenced by my environment and towed the path that is considered wayward in my religion. Yet, here I am. On the flip side, there are people who are born into responsible homes but eventually turn out to be not-so-responsible.

I believe we become what we experience, but I am also an ardent believer in having multiple experiences so we can know what we should hold on to or discard. So if I am asked what shapes us, I’d say I don’t know. We cannot always determine the future, and this means those young boys may become something different from what I have pictured in my head.

My childhood experiences helped shape the person I am today because I know what aligns with my personality and what doesn’t. I believe, like my younger self, the boys were simply testing the waters. And although I couldn’t predict their future paths, I hold onto a glimmer of hope that they would eventually find their own way, guided by their experiences, their choices, and the transformative power of self-discovery.