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BN Hot Topic: Marriage in the limelight = DIVORCE?

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monalisa 1As news filtered through on the latest Nigerian celebrity divorce – that of Nollywood star, Monalisa Chinda and her husband, Victor Olusegun Dejo-Richards. Many are left wondering – Is celebrity status, a recipe for marriage disaster? From the world of music – case in point Kenny St. Ogungbe and Eddy ‘Montana’ Brown to Nollywood – case in point Eucharia Anunobi’s divorce saga to the Yoruba Movie Industry – case in point Fathia & Saheed Balogun to the socialite/’Lagos Big Girl & Big Boy’ scene – case in point too many to mention!

To explore this issue, we decided to ask around – We asked a cross-section of people including a psychologist, relationship counsellor, pastor and a tabloid columnist what they thought of this phenomenon and this is what we got.

External Influence…creates cracks: We got this from quite a lot of our respondents, with people in the limelight – there are simply too many cooks in the kitchen. You have family and friends, media, fans etc…When your relationship is constantly the topic of discussion, even if you try to insulate yourselves, there are likely to be cracks. According to our relationship counsellor, ‘Though they might try to avoid it, many cannot help being influenced by external factors such as media – just imagine seeing an article that your husband is having an affair – it is going to have a negative impact – couples can neutralize that by building trust and communicating openly’

More empowered…to walk away from a bad relationship: According to some of our respondents, women in the limelight are more likely to be empowered (financially and otherwise), than the average women, this factor makes it easier for them to walk away from a bad situation. Our psychologist said ‘Many women in Nigeria are locked in bad marriages but can’t walk away especially due to the financial implications – celeb women are bolder and more financially secure, therefore they are less likely to stay’. True or false, this forms a compelling argument.

Ego…BIG egos: To thrive as a celebrity, you need to be bold, driven, resilient etc… while this might be the recipe for career success, marriage requires compromise and humility from both the husband and the wife. According to our tabloid writer ‘Celebrities are idolized by thousands, maybe millions of fans, they win international awards, they live glamorous lives; many find it difficult to leave this at work – when they bring their celebrity persona home, problems are bound to arise’. What do you think? Ego as a cause for divorce?

Temptation Central…Groupies & Admirers: Another popular reason highlighted by our respondents. The level of temptation for celebrities is inordinately high. In the words of our tabloid writer  ‘From admirers to groupies, these tempting factors make marriage vows seem like handcuffs’. That is no excuse says the pastor who gave us feedback for this article, according to him, ‘Marriage is a holy bond and fame is no excuse – straying from wedding vows is a surefire way to destroy the trust in marriage – once trust is gone – the marriage is exposed to failure’. What do you think of this?

Rocky Foundation….Shaky marriage: This was the most popular explanation given by those who gave feedback for this article. According to our respondents, most of these celebrities and socialites did not get married for the right reasons or at the right time. With the pressure from family, press etc…Many entered marriages ‘just because they wanted to settle down’ or ‘because their families have joint business interests’. Also in many cases, the celebrity’s partner was more enamoured with the public persona instead of the real person – this situation has played out with many ‘foreign-based businessmen who married Nigerian actresses’. All those lead to problems later on.

Not only celebs….Represents what is happening everywhere: Some of our respondents felt this wasn’t a trend at all! That the rate of divorce among celebrities and socialites is not over and above the rate of divorce in our society at large. Instead they felt that, because celebrities lives are under a microscope with their personal affairs being made public – it creates a false impression. Another interesting angle – what do you think?

It is so sad to see people breakup especially when there are children involved – Monalisa’s divorce is a huge shock as I always felt she and her husband had such a strong marriage. I had seen them together on various occasions and also read her interviews – the way she spoke about him was so effusive.

Oh well. We’ll really love your feedback on this! So what do you think – Marriage in the limelight = DIVORCE?

24 Comments

  1. remymartin

    September 1, 2009 at 2:08 am

    hundreds of “regular” people get divorced…but because they are celebs the media will not let us rest as they inject the gist into our system…who cares jare…we are not in d marriage with them

  2. BiafranPrincess

    September 1, 2009 at 2:58 am

    I think all the respondents pretty much covered everything. Technology and social networking sites also contribute, IMHO. It is still sad and heart wrenching though to see the family unit, a foundation for social stability, facing a lot of challenges. Now I wish people a happy married life and also a happy/civilized divorce, if it occurs. Not being cynical but the statistics are just overwhelming….stars, ordinary folks, religious, worldly, educated, illiterates……..same challenges everywhere. I guess we must keep the faith and also celebrate those who’ve tempered the storms and still live happily, it really is by God’s grace. May his grace sustain and inspire us all-singles and married, Amen!

  3. Vera Ezimora

    September 1, 2009 at 5:19 am

    Awwww. That is so sad. I pray they’re both okay.

  4. Tessy

    September 1, 2009 at 6:19 am

    hmmmm a topic that is very much in need of analysis. These things that Nigerians call marriages makes me laugh regardless of celebrity status.

    It is not a marriage when you have to beat your spouse every time he/she disagrees with you.

    It is not a marriage when you are fucking everybody in Lagos but your wife.

    It is not a marriage when you want to stop your spouse from being in the same profession that attracted you in the first place.

    I know it is no marriage when a spouse alienates the other from family and friends who empower him or her just to be able to control her.

    It is not a marriage when the only time you show affection to your wife is in public when people are looking…. and so on and so forth…

    This is what a lot of Nigerians do and I am telling you, it does not work. A lot of older naija women wished their husbands dead because they did not have the courage to leave but the younger ones are not taking that shit…
    Check ya selfs my people and stop lying to ya selfs

  5. Maryam

    September 1, 2009 at 7:11 am

    I’m not happy to hear this. Whatever caused their seperation is known ONLY to the couple. Monalisa, i pray you make the right decisions.
    P.S your daughter is pretty!

  6. KK

    September 1, 2009 at 8:15 am

    It is not just celebs.It is happening everywhere. May God have mercy.

  7. Coco

    September 1, 2009 at 9:11 am

    This is so sad, my heart goes out to their daughter,from my experience working with children,i cannot begin to tell you how divorce affects them…as early as age 3, even less, kids can feel negative vibes in the home. What makes it worse is that our generation loves quick fixes,if something doesn’t work out the way we like, we bolt!…unfortunately so many people carry that mentality into marriage, if we keep seeing divorce as an option, there’s no magic that will make that marriage work.

    Bottom line: marriage is hard work…and challenges will come whether one is a celebrity or not,the mentality you go into it with is what will see you through it…just my $0.02

    Coco

  8. Tess

    September 1, 2009 at 9:58 am

    wotever the reason for a divorce, a woman must have had it up to high heaven in order to take that road.
    I do agree though that being empowered financially or otherwise does make her patience threshold much lower. On one hand this is a good thing for her because if you ask me, a man walking his way all over the woman like a doormat is just not acceptable. On the other hand it does not give enough time or room for the possiblity of working out ifferences.

  9. uguysramazn

    September 1, 2009 at 10:22 am

    @remmymartn…lol

  10. muyiwa

    September 1, 2009 at 10:42 am

    i already have a post like tha on my blog

  11. crystal

    September 1, 2009 at 2:23 pm

    i actually tot her marriage ws solid,i guess once again ”nt all dt glitters is called gold”.all d best to all d parties invloved,no matter wat divorce is hard.

  12. jen

    September 1, 2009 at 6:05 pm

    Just because you are married, it doesn’t mean a damn thing, what you wanted at 25 is not what you want at 30. People grow and they move on.

    Why be stuck in a marriage when you’re not happy, ladies please be independent so you don’t have be stuck in a useless marriage.

    NIGERIA’S DIVORCE RATE IS THE SAME AS AMERICA. GET USE TO IT

  13. Dith

    September 1, 2009 at 8:26 pm

    wow! this breaks my heart!

  14. tomilola

    September 1, 2009 at 8:26 pm

    even monalisa? na wa o

  15. Weyinmi

    September 1, 2009 at 8:34 pm

    The way our parents dated is definitely different from the ways the generation x and y date. Globalization has changed the world in all aspect, therefore it should not be news that Nigerian celebrities divorce each other. it is hard to sustain a good relationship when your a celebrity just ask Brad pit and Jennifer Aniston. Women of our time and era have become more assertive , outspoken and independent. We should know the consequence of staying in a marriage that is crumbing, it would not only destroy your lives, but also destroy your childrens lives. Therefore be careful about rushing into any marriage because it may bring you joy or heart ache.

  16. Joke

    September 1, 2009 at 10:41 pm

    Coco, you have spoken my heart. I am married and truly its hard work, but sweeter at the end of the day. We are just copying trends without thinking of the future of these children who didnot ask to be born.

  17. Nicole

    September 2, 2009 at 1:25 am

    I agree with both Coco and Weyinmi. It’s a very fine line. Sometimes I feel sorry for women in our society. By 25, there is so much pressure to marry. I visit some other forums and everyone has buried Monalisa without even knowing the full detail of the matter. These same ones berate those like Rita Dominic and Genevieve Nnaji who as of yet have not been married. Yet when things crumble, they are the first to lay blame at their feet. Some comments I have read go as far as to implore Monalisa Chinda to beg her husband to accept her back even if he refuses. What if the feeling is mutual? What if he wants out as much as she does? People should be allowed to live their lives not by the dictates of what others or society say is good for them, especially where marriage is concerned, because it is only they who will feel the shoe when it starts pinching.

  18. Kpakpando

    September 2, 2009 at 3:16 am

    Personally I think people don’t know what marriage is, so they get into something they’re not emotionally or mentally prepared for, and don’t know how to deal when shit gets tough.
    Too many people I know get into marriage for the wrong reasons. For the women its needing the second income, the mrs title, their eggs are getting older, he can gbensh, he can afford to send me to a few trips to London/Dubai each year, I love him (the him I plan on changing him into), my wedding needs to be one in town and since mommy/daddy is now a minister/senator and can use CBN to bankroll the celebration lets do it now etc. For the men its, she the only one my friends haven’t kpanshed, she can kpansh, she can cook, she ignores my BS, her daddy can help me be rich, she has papers for UK/US/some foreign country. etc. The thing is when your motivation for marriage is based on trivial things like that, you don’t have enough to keep you around during the stormy times, and stormy times come sooner than later.

    As for Monalisa, she seems to be abandoning her husband now that things are apparently tight for him financially and she’s making a bit of money. If this is truly the case, then boo for her; but since nobody else knows what went on in their marriage, I’ll have to give her a benefit of a doubt. My heart goes out to their little girl, she’s the one that will come out with the most battle scars when all is said & done between her parents.

  19. Abim

    September 2, 2009 at 4:34 am

    Did we read the same article? I don’t see where it was written that the problem was Lagbaja or Tamedo’s fault. You seem privy to more info.

  20. Abim

    September 2, 2009 at 4:36 am

    Coco,

    Your comment is worth more than $.02

  21. Tolu

    September 2, 2009 at 4:52 pm

    I totally agree with Kpakpando. Women get married for the wrong reasons such as, I getting old, hmmmm he is from a rich family, I need to have children asap……etc. People fail to understand if u rush into a marriage, you will rush out!

    I also understand the whole issue of women being independent and all but I am looking at it from a biblical point. The bivle does state that the husband is the head of the house (obviously within reason) adn that we are ladies should be submissive, also within reason. So i believe no matter the ladies finacial status, we should always let men feel like the man in the relationship.

    Marriage is tough mehn, people need to understand this before diving in…..their needs to be real love as that is the only thing that will sustain the marriage when it gets shaky.

  22. browncoco

    September 23, 2009 at 5:47 am

    marriage is some serious work mehn!
    got married ages ago 6yrs lol
    and then things were not as crazy as now

    most girls prepare for their wedding day not their marriages
    they all want bling,to look fab and all
    theres more to marriage than all that

    i hope monalisa and her hubby will sort their difference
    fotr a minute i thought this was going to work
    ………….i mean she adored him and vice versa

    shame!

  23. jaybee

    September 23, 2009 at 3:26 pm

    i totally agree with coco,ur comment is worth more than money,we should stop thinking trhat divorce is the only option,der’s nofin we can do about it,since inception men have always bin d head and they will cont to be,aldo i blive anyman who is abusive physically is insane,stil marriage is d bedrock of every society,perseverance,humility and total submission to d will of God my bros and sis is d key.

  24. Sovenovaru69

    July 25, 2011 at 6:13 am

    sadds

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