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Gbemi Olateru-Olagbegi Tweets about “Transactional Relationships” | Read the Surprising Responses

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Gbemi Olateru-Olagbegi - July 2013 - BellaNaija (2)

Gbemi Olateru-Olagbegi is sounding…or rather tweeting off on transactional relationships.

The Nigerian media personality took to Twitter a few hours ago to tweet on the issue. After sending out a couple of 140-characters messages, the responses started coming in.

Lucky for us, she shared some of the responses,which gives us a view into the minds of some Nigerians.

Check it out!

Responses

What are your thoughts on transactional relationships?!

87 Comments

  1. Jidenowo

    January 6, 2014 at 4:40 am

    As a woman in her 30s…who has worked hard for everything she owns today, this independent woman ish does not pay. Th gold diggers are winning . I reply. The gold diggers are winning. This coming from a woman who has been dumped by men for hungry thirsty girls. Those thirsty ebinna girls are a perfect fit for the average egocentric NAija man. These men are raised to feel important only when they provide so that’s why the gold diggers are getting the engagement rings cos they make the man feel needed. 2014, I ain’t buying my own Chanel purse nor buying my own tickets to holiday in France…magazine must pay

    • Jidenowo

      January 6, 2014 at 4:41 am

      *maga must pay

    • 'Midé

      January 6, 2014 at 5:19 am

      I see. Poor you. You lost out and now converted. And what makes you think you will earn that ring with your newly adopted strategy? You are in the game too late dear. Being a sugar mummy seems your best bet .

    • Shawn

      January 6, 2014 at 6:08 am

      @’Midé that is not a nice thing to say… That doesn’t mean that I support her new stance though.

      @ topic… I feel to each man, his own. I personally can’t. If I need to buy something so bad, I’ll take money from my own purse to do so. If I don’t have, I will suck it all up! It scares me that I might end up being in a scenario that Jidenowo depicted but then I know I will be fulfilled in myself. All those attack Gbemi saying she’s from a privileged background and stuff should stop giving excuses. The earth is big enough, hustle hard and be true to yourself, you will be like her or even better some day!

    • Bunmi

      January 6, 2014 at 7:42 am

      Oh sheet!!

      You will notice how possessed many Nigerians are when money, marriage & punani are involved.

    • omada

      January 6, 2014 at 7:57 am

      LOOOOOOOOL. Evil.

    • Iris

      January 6, 2014 at 7:07 am

      Well that’s fine for you…I assume you’re willing to “pay up” with sex at his command, as Basketmouth and some of the replies to her tweet have indicated. And then guys wonder why some girls appear snooty in clubs. Some of us are just terrified that even being polite will indicate “please sleep with me, and if I say no rape me as I am obviously willing to entertain a conversation and a drink.”

    • 5'5

      January 6, 2014 at 8:52 am

      I agree with you. Being Independent and considerate doesn’t pay. Being a Gold digger of some sort does. I still wont go the other route sha, will keep working for my own and find that man whose ego can take some of this independent lady.

    • Blessed

      January 6, 2014 at 8:59 am

      From one sister to another, trust me you should be glad you are not married to the “average egocentric Nigerian man” many are living in regret for following that path. Just be patient, your man (GOOD MAN) is coming there is no point being unhappy all in the name of the ‘at least I have a ring on my finger’ syndrome

    • Eclectic

      January 6, 2014 at 10:12 pm

      You will remain “Blessed”.. GOD BLESS YOU FOR THIS COMMENT!!!

    • Xala

      January 6, 2014 at 9:13 am

      I totally agree Jide, there is something about the Naija male ego that needs to be fed off. Before now, I was the total independent female until I got repeatedly passed over for an ‘account-devouring’ diva…I learnt..

    • En!

      January 7, 2014 at 8:06 am

      u bent, not learnt..

    • Newbie

      January 6, 2014 at 9:46 am

      Forgive me- but how are the thirsty golddiggers winning if they’re ending up with “egocentric Nigerian men”? Unless that has been your target all along. C’ mon babes, somehow i think you can do better! There are still good men out there.

    • Oh Puhleese

      January 6, 2014 at 10:48 am

      God bless You ooooo! After they get the ring from the egocentric Naija men, they will start weeping and having horrible marriages then we will scream that divorce rate is high.

    • Leah

      January 6, 2014 at 10:14 pm

      AHA! Good question. How is that “winning” if you finaly end up with all educated money miss road egomaniacs with ego the size of their pot belly. Do we have the most inseure women out there or what?

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      January 6, 2014 at 10:54 am

      Dead @ “the gold diggers are winning”. I kent be laughing this early Monday morning, abeg… And Jidenowo, I always thought you were a boy … 🙂

    • AA

      January 6, 2014 at 2:45 pm

      I was always an independent woman. I worked hard and paid for all my luxuries and I still got the ring. It depends on the kind of man you date. Maybe you need to elevate yourself rather than sinking to their level

  2. Karo

    January 6, 2014 at 5:28 am

    Well all the same, she is right.

    karosstoryblog.blogspot.com

    • Eclectic

      January 6, 2014 at 10:15 pm

      Plix find another way to advertise ya blog abeg..

  3. Nene Leakes

    January 6, 2014 at 6:32 am

    Wow…I’m shocked at the other tweets that follow. Such a shame. Nigerians WAKE UP! This is why Basket mouth can joke about raping a girl he spends a fortune on after a couple of dates.

  4. Jesseswife

    January 6, 2014 at 7:05 am

    Wow @ the responses Gbemi got and double wow @ Jidenowo comment. Infact, I am weak and I weep for my generation. We are a lost cause and I don’t think there is redemption from this warped mentality. Everybody should do them..abi ke!

  5. tunde

    January 6, 2014 at 7:13 am

    Warri Born Babe who resides in Canada saids it best. DeLaila Johnson.
    Watch her say it here
    youtube.com/watch?v=-Hzmrvddgn4
    She is hilarious thats why i follow her on keek. She is funny. She needs a reality show with her brother and mom

  6. sommaola

    January 6, 2014 at 7:14 am

    @jidenowo, I am so so sorry you feel this way! Life has a way of converting those on the right track, my take…. You are right to an extent but not even all that has made me give up yet…. Surely it shall come to pass… Gbemmy hit the right notes, In these times its still a noble thing to speak the truth…..

  7. Thelma

    January 6, 2014 at 7:58 am

    Mide that’s unfair. You don’t know where jidenowo is coming from, you may not agree with what she’s said but that last sentence was unnecessary.
    As for transactional relationships, guys, if a girl hasn’t asked you for nothing and you keep spending your money on her, you have no right to expect nothing!
    Ladies, please when you ask (a man who’s not your bf, hubby, family, father), expect to put out. Otherwise go get yours! Nobody can claim to be so naive when we all know how (most) men think.
    However, rape should NEVER be the last resort. Move on and spend your money on someone else who’s interested in sharing her body with you.

    thelmathinks.blogspot.com

  8. Grown Woman

    January 6, 2014 at 8:02 am

    She does have a point some women/girls have become too desperate, but then again people are different, if one goes around sleeping with men to earn all those material things, thats their personal choice and if one works hard and can afford all those fancy things, kudos to them.This is a crazy world we live in ….*kanye shrug*

  9. Nikki

    January 6, 2014 at 8:20 am

    @Jidenowo-Trust me, girl. I know exactly what you mean. Living in America, myself, I see high class hoes all the time, especially flocked around African men because they only know their monetary value and they know the type of men who are willing to pay the price. These are not the type of men that you should even be looking for. You should be glad that these gold diggers and thirsty opportunists are exposing those men who see women as nothing more than goods for purchase. As a matter of fact, I think you owe them a big “thank you” for showing you which men to avoid. You want a man who values you for you, not for your “ASS-ets.” Lol.

  10. nkem

    January 6, 2014 at 8:20 am

    ouch!…dayyyum…mide you do not play

  11. temitope

    January 6, 2014 at 8:25 am

    Yes, I quite agree with gbemi thou, a lady should not always depend on her man for material things, if u have a good job and can afford the things you want, then buy dem yourself, if not, blind ur eyes to those things and make do with whatever you have…but that dosent justify that the man himself should be stingy, a man must know how to take care of bis woman , shower with gifts once in a while, take her out according to what he can afford…no matter how independent or well to do a woman is, she has to feel that her man is capable of taking care of her….I sooo the stingy men…but that being said, a lady should not be too materialistic.

    • Bunmi

      January 6, 2014 at 10:08 am

      U like to just dey receive & dislike stingy men abi? Women should also spoil their men with gifts. Take them out- movies, trips, restaurants etc. I fully understand that we live in a pretty phucked society. However, one of the reasons why Nigerian women will continue to be treated like toilet paper & disposable party plates is because we have no respect for ourselves. We just want to receive, receive, and receive from men. Then the things we are quick to give these men are sex, children, our identity, & perform household chores. Be more than sex slaves, reproductive mammals, individuals with no sense of self, and maids.

      No muthaeffa who knows me can impress me with money and this is not because I am rich. I have chosen to have respect for myself. I love being spoiled too however if I like a man who is consistently good to me and I believe he’s worth my penny, I am never afraid to take him out/buy him meaningful gifts whenever it feels right. I will be generous with my money & not with my body. I treat people how I want to be treated.

  12. temitope

    January 6, 2014 at 8:28 am

    *i sooo hate stingy men * excuse the typos, was typing fast on my fone

  13. Sexxie

    January 6, 2014 at 8:28 am

    I personally don’t like ‘Transactional’ relationships. Good job or not. Privileged or pauper. I’m a hopeless romantic. But the thing is, men on this side of the globe don’t do love and relationships right, there’s always a motive behind their gift, some don’t give if you don’t ask and they take ladies who don’t ask for material things for fools. Because while you trying to ‘form’ a good girl by not asking and the fear of coming across as too ‘demanding or materialistic’, he’s buying the girl in the next office all the luxury gifts he sets his eyes on because she asked. Relationships are relative. Do what works for you. To each their own.

  14. mama mia!!!

    January 6, 2014 at 9:06 am

    Lol, if a story like that of Beyoncé or even Michelle Obama doesn’t inspire you, nothing ever will. Why should you turn yourself into a Prostitute because of a Chloe bag. Jeez! People, are so shallow minded and desperate. Everyone can turn their lives around by being focused. I do5nt blame girls anymore the system in Nigeria renders one useless, when one should have jobs support them in all they do, Nigerian youths are left with struggling parents and greed…

    • mama mia!!!

      January 6, 2014 at 9:46 am

      Sorry for the typos my device won’t let me rant. My point was, we admire people that work hard but don’t have the patience for it. Plus, the system in Nigeria makes it even worse for the youths.

  15. Temi

    January 6, 2014 at 9:08 am

    I’m sorry I have to agree with Gbemi, most people are not content with what they have or are not willing to work for what they want. I will soon be 30 and I am married before I got married I pay for my own trips abroad and whatever my heart desires however there was a time where I could not afford to buy a ticket to london. People are not trying to be patient anymore they want every thing now now now

  16. bimpy

    January 6, 2014 at 9:15 am

    Gbemi has honestly said the truth. If you are getting laid, let it not be in return for d Gucci shoes or MK bag that you needed desperately. All this things will end up being trashed and it will tell on your body over time. Those shoes and bags won’t last you a decade, even if it’s a car gift, u can’t use it forever. But it will tell on d body forever. So sisters, stop sleeping around for petty things that won’t last u your life time. Work hard and enjoy the dividends instead of making your body suffer for it.

  17. Idak

    January 6, 2014 at 9:51 am

    If transactional relationships stopped being the norm in Lagos and Nigeria in general, BN will be the poorer for it.
    At the Risk of being e-lynched,what do you think funds most of the instagram pics we are force fed here? How do you think most of those runway spring 2014 outfits you see on the red carpet of naija events are funded? You all keep asking for your celebs and almost celebs to never repeat outfits and hire stylists. How do you think such are funded? Let me not hear you say hardwork and God’s grace o!
    We need to be real and accept that transactional relationships are products of the materialistic ‘my Picanto is bigger than yours’ energy-sapping working class life that urban living in our country has been reduced to.
    Transactional relationships are not going anywhere,at least not anytime soon. It is most worrying when you realize that most of the females involved in these transactions are not in it out of need but pure greed and and a need to be defined by acquisitions.

    • Que

      January 6, 2014 at 12:51 pm

      Idak just know that when I pray, I pray for you to remain truthful… exact same thing I said on Toke’s last vlog- tge one bout things to do away with in 2014… unfortunately this isn’t going away. I only hope more ladies and men will choose to make better choices that will not compromise their characters.

    • AA

      January 6, 2014 at 2:51 pm

      Idak, dont you find it sad though? Where have our morals gone?

    • Non professional opinion

      January 6, 2014 at 3:04 pm

      @Idak When you are right you are right.

    • Idak

      January 6, 2014 at 3:19 pm

      ANd when I am wrong,I am very wrong 😉

    • T-gurl

      January 6, 2014 at 4:44 pm

      Spot on, Idak! Spot on! In fact, consider yourself thoroughly e-kissed

    • Leah

      January 6, 2014 at 10:46 pm

      This is not only restricted to just Nigeria girls, African American are that way as well. Heck It is a global trend. Why are beautiful models like Niomi Campbell and Heidi Klum often seen with extremely rich, old, unattractive and often married men? Even though these women work hard and can very well afford some of the luxury themselves.

  18. FJD

    January 6, 2014 at 10:20 am

    SOCIETY GONE WRONG! MAY GOD RESTORE OUR VALUES IN THIS COUNTRY! AMEN!

  19. dami

    January 6, 2014 at 10:22 am

    To each his own. As for me I don’t even know how to ask my mum for money or things talk less of anyone else. I’ve had a full time job since I was 18 and I made sure I bought myself all the chloe and MK I wanted before I went to uni. It’s just a pity that people cannot work hard and earn money. It’s not only in naija, some girls here in the UK use their bodies to get all these things and it’s just a pity. Work hard and any man that will not put a ring on it because you’re not feeding his masculinity doesn’t deserve your love any way. But then to each his own

  20. Safe skin lightening 101

    January 6, 2014 at 10:26 am

    I believe you’ve done most things right up till now. I understand how you feel, I’ve been there. The thing is don’t giveup your self respect by asking for gifts from a man. The mistake most independent women make is they send out vibes stating I don’t need you , I got my own money and my own thing going. Great! Just don’t be in his face with it. Let your soft side show. He wants to pick the tab, let him. Stop the ‘ I can do all by myslf attitude because you don’t want that. ‘. Make your own money, lots of it but let a man feel he’s needed. They want to act like protectors (the good ones) let them. Most of all keep your self esteem. Let him pay the little bills he offers to pay. The big ones? Don’t be too fast to say yes and when you do let it be sweetly clear that nothing’s coming out of it. He’ll stay if he really likes you. Cheers

  21. whocares

    January 6, 2014 at 10:28 am

    I cannot believe someone asked her if she was gay, neither can I believe the other responses she got from her very astute tweets. I cannot judge a person for being in a transactional relationship because I simply do not know where they are coming from. For my part I wasn’t raised that way so I wont resort to it, neither would I condemn a person who does.. The girl and the guy are both adults. If you are trying to squeeze money you have not earned from someone’s pocket, then you need to bear the consequences (ie putting out) . I am not anyone’s pastor or moral compass so I do not care what they do with their body and their money… However, I will condemn situations where the guys feels the need to forcefully “collect” from the girl what he thinks he is entitled to. I should also add that it is these sort of relationships that make men regard women as chattel. I was going to uni one day, and this old man tried to chat me up, I walked past him and I heard him tell his friend in Yoruba that “it is because I live abroad I can walk past him like that, that if this was Lagos all he would have had to do was wave money in my face”.. I walked back to him and replied in Yoruba as well and told him “I don’t think so”.. The moral of the story is this… For every guy you try to maga you entrench the sexist idea that women are weak, and inferior to men. This idea does not end with the one man you tried to maga, but it permeates society as a whole. Your future son may grow up with this idea that you have helped to foster… Act as you would want your children to act.

    • Mariaah

      January 6, 2014 at 11:10 am

      “The moral of the story is this… For every guy you try to maga you entrench the sexist idea that women are weak, and inferior to men. This idea does not end with the one man you tried to maga, but it permeates society as a whole. Your future son may grow up with this idea that you have helped to foster… Act as you would want your children to act.” APT!!!!! Very APT!!! BTW, BN what’s up with the like button naa? 🙂

    • AA

      January 6, 2014 at 2:53 pm

      AMEN!!!!

  22. Oh Puhleese

    January 6, 2014 at 10:49 am

    God bless You ooooo! After they get the ring from the egocentric Naija men, they will start weeping and having horrible marriages then we will scream that divorce rate is high.

  23. Hmmm

    January 6, 2014 at 12:51 pm

    U pple should stay der o make pant dey wear u. I have been independent from age 15 first job age 14 & i bought my own LV & MK. But omo i learnt the hard way bout guys, they must always feel needed. My hubby to be knows i work and i pay my own bills and rent but forget when it comes to food i ask him for money even if i have it. Why? Because i will not start something i cannot finish so inside marriage i should be sharing his resposibilities with him God forbid when i am not oyinbo i am Nigerian and my culture says my man must take care of me, it is his job an duty. All of una be forming independent ish not me. My boo knows i can take care of myself but he always wants to give me money and who am i to refuse free money i dont think so mate. Even if i am making billions if i need pad lasan i will ask him for the money for it because i know he has it. My name means born in wealth i did not come into this world to suffer and be working like a man just cuz i wanna be independent kmt. You pple better wise up or you go wait tired for mr i dont mind if ur independent ok o. You will just be sharing bills and remt with him till you cant take it n e more. Dont start something you cannot finish. Pls dont get it twisted i spoil my man & i buy him things but when it comes to his responsibility as a man i dont look face o.

    • Jane Public

      January 6, 2014 at 1:07 pm

      What is wrong with sharing bills and stuff? Keep at it and wait until the day that behaviour of yours will be thrown in your face and you will be reduced to nothing. You are not even married yet, lets give you 5 years and lets say 2 children, then we will have this discussion again. Nigerian women, we just can’t win sha. We are the ones that should be backing each other to be independent and not have to depend on a man to meet your needs so that men will stop treating us like cattle and won’t make a stupid joke about rape, yet we still have women like you who take us 10 steps backwards with every 1 step forward. Just because you are getting married now doesn’t make you better than the single independent lady. You have just snagged a Nigerian egocentric man, big whoop. No prizes there my friend. Marriage has turned to the race. Like someone said above in response to @jideonwo, the gold diggers are winning the Nigerian egocentric men and in truth and in deed that is not winning at all. Years later, the I first to marry will be the one’s complaining and getting divorced like it is going out of fashion. If you want to depend on your man for pad, do it but you have no right or a leg to stand on, to condemn an independent woman. Geez, the way some women think?

    • Non professional opinion

      January 6, 2014 at 3:34 pm

      Sis Jane/Ms public ( your sense demands respect) I kind of agree with Hmmm/Abisola
      *ducks and runs for cover*
      Marriage is complicated and it can have a strange effect on men and women. My husband is as ” janded” as I am but when we got married, he took over responsibility for at least 70% of the household expenses and when I was on maternity leave it was 100%. I don’t feel any less of a woman or feminist for that and experience has taught me dudes put their money where their mouth is. Before I got married I had a lot of theoretical ideas about what was involved, but the reality is a game that never ends. I’m an alpha that married an alpha and it takes a lot to keep things spicy between two people under a pile of bills , washing up and dirty nappies. My husbands ego wants to pay bills, and when his ego is happy, his d*ck stays hard and everyone is happy. Also the devil makes work for idle dollar bills, so it’s my job to keep his permanently occupied.
      p.s I tried it the 50/50 way in the beginning. It didn’t really work for us, but I know it works for a lot of couples.

    • Newbie

      January 6, 2014 at 1:22 pm

      Congratulations, Gbemi, you have your Poster-child for Transactional relationship, right here!

      By the way, what is MK – Michael Kors?

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      January 6, 2014 at 2:16 pm

      I’ve made the same assumption regarding this oft quoted “MK”

    • Remi

      January 6, 2014 at 1:57 pm

      Our culture is wrong in the way it says to make a man feel needed he must be spending money on you. That is wrong, wrong, wrong. There are other ways to make a man feel needed that has nothing to do with his pocket and will not reduce you to chattel in the process. There are men who appreciate independence in a woman and still feel needed by their women. Unfortunately they are not many, just as independent women are not many too. Keep your man and revel in it, some of us don’t envy you at all. Like @jane public said you snagged yourself a Nigerian egocentric man obviously because there I no other way to describe a man who will give you money for pad. You don’t have a prize there darling. Don’t rub it in the face of other women.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      January 6, 2014 at 2:36 pm

      Remi, it’s not just our culture. I’ve seen the same traits in other cultures as well. A chick I know married into an oyibo family and her mum-in-law’s advice to her was to ensure that the bobo must spend his money on her. Maybe she knows her son very well…

      And while I don’t necessarily subscribe to @Hmmm’s point of view, I find it interesting. Was speaking to a friend about this just before Christmas (she’s married) & she just paused and gave a deep sigh before telling me that as a woman, you just need to apply wisdom. In her words, it’s not that you don’t have the resources to do somethings but you don’t want to use your money and then he’s now diverting his money to use for something else. Mind you, this hesitation on her part is not because she suspects the man may be cheating (she’s already given him very vocal instructions about how she plans to demolish his hopes for any kind of future if that ever happened) but it’s because her hubby is one of those generous men who’ll be quick to give his money to anyone that asks.

      And she made the same statement that @Hmmm used above – “don’t start what you cannot finish”.

    • Jane Public

      January 6, 2014 at 3:52 pm

      @Non professional opinion and Ms S.A, maybe you awesomely brilliant ladies did not get my point. It is all well and good to have that kind of attitude, if it works for her fine, but to now make a comment as if single independent ladies won’t get married or will wait tire unless they act like they need money for pad from their man is where I draw the line because for every woman that her ideology works for there are tens of women that it does not work for and are treated like crap by their men, some to the point of being raped. To ignore that fact will be careless. That is what I was calling her out for because there is a danger in encouraging such behaviour.

    • Blessmyheart

      January 6, 2014 at 5:26 pm

      I think that your case is a bit different from transactional relationships. I believe transactional relationships are where either or both parties are there soley for what they stand to gain. I believe if you are married or planning to get married then there’s no harm in sharing bills. I’m not advocating that the woman takes over the finances of the home because I believe the man should be the breadwinner but sharing bills is a way of showing your support for your man especially if he knows you have the money. I may be saying this because my husband and I are very open about our finances. He bears the major part of the household expenditure, even though his salary isn’t much more than mine, but I also try to contribute and I won’t run to him for the smallest expense. And he never stops telling me how much he appreciates my support.
      As for transactional relationships, the annoying thing is that most of these ladies are only interested in fickle, material things. As much as I don’t support such, if a lady is trying to get money from a guy to say, go to school or invest in something to make her life better, I would still understand. No, a car isn’t an investment.

    • zsa zsa

      January 6, 2014 at 10:20 pm

      Gbemi is right. However it all depends on the kind of relationship you are aiming for. If the transactional kind works for you then great, be ready for the conditions that come with it.

      As per marriage…do what works for you. If a woman is married to a man whose ego depends on how much he is needed then she should find a way to work with that situation. There is no hard and fast rule to it apart from mutual respect. Personally i cannot stand such men.
      @Hmmm, please stop giving singles the impression that bills and rent are solely the mans responsibility. Until you are married with kids and all the responsibilities that come with raising a family there are no absolutes. What if the man looses his source of income? what if he needs you to pitch in while you build your family together?
      I am married with a child and 2 on the way and we shared the bills until i had to quit my job to move to the east coast to be with him while he completes his residency. We are now on a fixed income, i absolutely hate asking for everything from him and he knows this but its temporary. He understands how much financial independence means to me and he loves that about me…we both know once he concludes his program we leave the east coast and its back to work for me.
      We have ongoing projects in Nigeria and there are times hubby might need me to cover most of the bills for a month or 2…do i say no because they are HIS responsibilities? I means projects that would benefit me and our kids!
      Like i said, do what works for you but don’t make it the absolute for others. Some men actually love independent women, it doesn’t mean you do not need each other. For my hubby it is a source of comfort (also a turn on) for him, he knows if anything happens to him the children and i will be fine.

    • Non professional opinion

      January 7, 2014 at 8:01 am

      Congratulations on the twins! *Jelox*
      You say you can’t stand guys that like to feel needed. Why? My husband was raised to think its a mans responsibility to provide for his family. He can’t help that. He is kind, funny and very handsome, if you decide to dislike him for that trait, you will be missing out on a good and loyal friend.
      I earn a very good living, but he earns 40x more, doing 50/50 with him started to feel like I was working to hard to prove a point, but that doesn’t mean I can’t pay a bill or he can’t wash dishes. We are family, it’s not his money it’s ours, and those are his words.

    • zsa zsa

      January 7, 2014 at 7:52 pm

      @non professional opinion. Thank you dear 🙂
      Perhaps i sounded a little too “absolute” myself :). Nothing wrong with a man who loves to care for his family financially. I was referring to the extreme cases where the man doesn’t want the woman to work so he can be all in all…..or women being too greedy to pitch in every now and then.
      I witnessed it with my mom…she gave up her career and everything for my step dad and it was terrible, she didn’t even have a bank account when she died. So you understand where my “issues” come from haha!!

    • amaka

      January 11, 2014 at 2:41 pm

      So true o.well said o.women have been burnt for being too independent

  24. Filmmaker

    January 6, 2014 at 1:31 pm

    We are from a country where some cultures still accept BRIDE PRICE, not only do they accept it, they DEMAND the amount of money to be paid even if their daughter now lives in USA, UK or Lagos …. so how do U expect men that see this even if they are not from that said culture to see a woman as any different ????? Some of our Parents & grand parents beliefs or culture no longer factor in this NEW WORLD.

    About 6 years ago I attended an Igbo Wedding with my ex GF, I remember her saying what her cousins Bride Price was and she made a statement about her Bride price in future not being less than her cousins …. fast forward 6 years later, she is married and separated ‘cos her Husband beat the crap out of her, I can only he imagined the dude felt it was oh K, since he had PAID for her …….. THINK PPLE

    • Newbie

      January 6, 2014 at 2:16 pm

      Never mind bride price, some of the lists from these people can be ridiculous! I get the popular saying that it takes a village to raise a child but must they all come and collect their pound of flesh when the girl is getting married?Jeez! Thankfully in some areas, this is changing. Bride price is often now a token amount e.g. 100 naira (as it is still regarded as an abomination to ‘give your daughter away for free’) and in some cases, where the groom gives more, the father of the bride discreetly calls his son-in-law to the side and gives him back the excess and says ‘use this to look after my daughter’. Bottom line is, Chait’s so embedded into our culture in various ways that everyone has come to expect that somehow, a woman is for sale. For sex, childbearing, manual labour or all of the above. We must all make conscious efforts to change that mindset.

    • Mz Socially Awkward...

      January 6, 2014 at 3:25 pm

      In India, it’s the woman that pays the dowry and the men take full advantage of this tradition so you see women’s families almost bidding for their daughter’s husbands, because he just might be getting eyed up by a wealthier family who’re also trying to marry off their daughter. And in the bidding war, money doesn’t always count as you’ll find that having a marriagable daughter who also has UK/US/Canadian etc citizenship is a huge advantaage. And those men still go into that marriage with their expensive price tag, and proceed to abuse and cheat-on their wives (especially the ones who “cross border” as it were).

      So I think your argument about the payment of a bride price is flawed. And remember this particular culture isn’t limited to Nigerians or even Africa – Europeans have a history of the same marriage practices and even today, weddings involving Royal families continue to see some exchange of proprietary or political dowries as being acceptable.

      An egocentric controller will still be himself in a marraige, regardless of what kind of marriage traditions he participates in.

    • Chic

      January 6, 2014 at 4:03 pm

      Female Infanticide is on the rise in India and amongst Indians in the diaspora due to this very same dowry business. Parents would rather have baby boys they can collect from that baby girls they will have to pay for.

    • Purpleicious Babe

      January 6, 2014 at 10:21 pm

      deep…..

  25. Do Ladies also know?

    January 6, 2014 at 2:45 pm

    Do you also know that sometimes, it is not sex that is in the guy’s mind?

    A guy gets to think of sex when the lady has milked him and seems shes’s playing a fast one on him. Sometimes you think, if this lady knows that i truly want her, she wont be asking for my head now when everything i have will be hers after we are married.

    A guy can tell what a girl wants from the way she demands from him. If he earns 100k monthly for example, and all the girl demands is in the range of 100s or above, then you know she doesnt think about your good, your building a home (getting the neccessary things to start a family) but just want to eat you up and find her way to the next victim.

    A good guy will definitely give and pamper his girl within his confines.

    Like someone rightly said up there, it is amazing that the people involved are not just poor or jobless folks, even working class babes.

    It is well.
    Judgement shall be great

  26. hmm

    January 6, 2014 at 4:00 pm

    You shouldn’t sell your body for materialistic things. Guys buy you stuff because they know you will give in and give them what they want. After they are finished with you they will leave you and move on to the next girl. Yes gold diggers are wining but who do the men take home to their parents. The good ones. The ones that after they have bought LV bags for they didn’t give in. Abeg before the man came did you die of starvation. No we all struggle but don’t say no man equals death. We are preaching about equal rights for both genders but if some girls act like that. Then all we have been fighting for will go down the drain. Go work for your own money and you will see the men running after you. Shout out to those ignorant people that replied back to her tweets. God help them ooh. As for me if you buy me LV bag and you expect me to sleep with you, JUST TAKE YOUR BAG BACK NO BE BY FORCE. I have been living without one and I still can.

  27. larz

    January 6, 2014 at 4:21 pm

    This is disgusting. A frn of my visited Lagos and he told me that there are no dates in Lagos, just commercial arrangements. On one hand, the bad gals demand cash outright like they are prostitutes, the “good girls”, ask for fees in form of presents, taxi fares, trips to London to see him, ipad, phones etc. My friend was in Nigeria for 2 weeks? I have dated guys that were a lot richer than I was and I never once demanded £/ gifts from them. Instead, I seek wisdom, guidance and knowledge from them which stay with me long after they are gone n help me be successful. Our crazy obsession with designer stuff is appalling. Why would a reception own multiple designer labels. Are you a celebrity? Even celebrities, get some of their stuff on loan from designers to promote their brand/ get them on discount.

    Oh and I don’t buy the idea of denying yourself the luxury you can afford, just becuz yur man isn’t paying up. I am so sorry but it is selfish. Relationship should be based on friendship. If your frn comes to visit you, will you cook for them or not? Or will u ask them to give u money to go buy food to cook for them? If u live with ur frn n u guys eat together, wont you guys have a food purse that u will both contribute to for food. Aren’t these two scenarios similar to live-in and live-apart rships. Why r we making it so complicated? Yes, sometimes, we do good things n it doesn’t work out, isn’t that our queue to leave. In a society where dating is transactional, there is even more need to stand out and not follow the crowd. Ultimately, a smart man, will see the difference in you, the rare gem that you are n treat u with the respect that you deserve.

  28. *Real* Nice Anon

    January 6, 2014 at 4:21 pm

    I like to think that these transactional relationships are more prevalent in Nigeria than they are abroad because I haven’t met any woman who isn’t doing well enough for herself to want to milk a man for whatever he’s worth.

  29. Person

    January 6, 2014 at 5:16 pm

    Hmm

  30. Iyke

    January 6, 2014 at 5:37 pm

    @Real* Nice Anon – You may not be wrong on your assumption. This transactional relationship has indeed become a scourge even in marriages.It could be a consequence of the social economic state of our nation, which of course is not an excuse, or as a result of the decay in our societal values.
    Yes, life was never meant to be perfect…since the concept for a world with a multitude of different people…an array of undetermined needs and expectations seemed endless… It was only meant to be an opportunity…a breeding ground where by as a human being you could create and invent your special self…within the context of who you were and imagined yourself to be…and the challenges you met along the gathered experiences of your personal adventure…collected journey and truth. That said…it poses the question of reason and justification for the actions.
    This sort of relationship has come to stay and unfortunately affected the mindset of our generation, to the extent that they no longer value and believe in true love and hardwork. Well, it’s all about the side of the fence that you want to identify yourself with. We will always believe in love… Love for our fellow beings…love for love that can…love that makes life work…helps man to mend…better understand… Love that bends when hard times demand an end… Gives when others take…rape…collect without regard…debate…steals till the brace of measured love threatens to break… Love that reasons…engages and seeks affirmation…within the meaning of readied intentions for heaven sake… It’s a choice…
    Whose leading your charge in life…are you seeding and cultivating the you, you want to be? It’s your choice!!!!!

  31. Lami

    January 6, 2014 at 5:54 pm

    I agree with the points Gbemi made on her twitter posts I believe as young ladies we should aspire to work hard in everything we do and to be independent in our mindset and lifestyles. Us as women need to empower ourselves in believing we can achieve anything we want with or without a man’s input. A Real man respects a woman who has more than her body to offer, gifts, money e.t.c should be a bonus in a relationship not a nessecity!!!

  32. X- Factor

    January 6, 2014 at 7:23 pm

    This is Sad!
    Thanks Gbemi for telling the truth!

  33. Product of public Education

    January 6, 2014 at 8:07 pm

    Nice one @Idak

    Why the fancy name now trans…..Gini? Abegi ashawo! Na ashawo. Runs girls side chicks tinz. E easy.

    Biko my people is Gbemi single?

  34. frances

    January 7, 2014 at 12:30 am

    That something is being done doesn’t make it right. It is wrong to exchange sex-ur body for money. It is wrong to spend on a girl cuz u r expecting to sleep with her. Ladies shud work with their hands and brains and earn their own cash.the Oprah’s and Alakija’s nor get two heads. Start from somewhere.
    Transactional relationships degrades the essence of a lady’s body and views the body as just for sex exchanged for cash,ewww! For the ladies that allow it,It depends on how u see urself though.
    This stand doesn’t detract frm the husband taking care of his wife and family in anyway. Her stand was on relationships and the veering off into marriage is unnecessary to say the least. But still,even in marriage,it doesn’t hurt for a woman to have her own cash.aint nobody with a good head gat time to laze around and ask hubby for even down to 250naira for pant.
    The world’s moving forward,females are empowering themslvs wt things to do and are at d forefront,hubby can provide,but nothing stops u frm doing something with ur hands and not being a laze about.

    imperfectlyperfect92.wordpress.com

  35. 'Midé

    January 7, 2014 at 3:15 am

    If you wish to understand a man, then the best people to learn from are the men themselves. Unless you don’t have men in your lives and good role models. If some of you have good relationships with your dad, bothers and cousins, I doubt this would be a problem. Yet, you discuss about the men in such a manner that reflects there has been no effort to understand them, especially from the way they reason and understand life. Where women and men raised in different households? Why are some women becoming independent and others becoming dependent? These egotistical men that some of you all want to shout about, do you not have them as fathers, brothers, cousins. Did they just invade the country today?
    I hate it when women are bullshitting. I equally get when some nice privileged mama’s girl dishes advice in country that dear daddy helped ruin. After some ocean crossing, some quality education in the white man’s land, and full initiation into the way of life of an economic system that helps a human being realise his or her dignity, there comes this adversarial script of egoistical men.
    Maybe it is time you independent girls start pimping men. I mean marry younger men, feed them, flatter them, and clothe them silly. And let them supply the life milk that would pump your bellies for the continuation of your genes. An independent girl says she is independent and yet she can’t handle one of the affairs of independence – the man. How then are you independent? If you can’t handle issues in an enlightened way that means there is substance and value to your independence then you are hardly independent. In my opinion, I hate it when preachy girls tell others what to do with their pussies, neither do I care what others have decided not to do with theirs. It is each person’s prerogative. It is not enough to go on twitter to moralise and have those feel good moments. It matters to help people by leading by example and not shove your morality on their faces.

    Abeg, make man see better climate.

    • Guys Perspective

      January 7, 2014 at 4:22 pm

      You have earned my respect. Nigerian women talk about us (men/guys) like we dropped from space, every woman/lady can help fix these “problems” (both imaginary and real), by ensuring that their fathers, uncles, brothers, sons, nephews, cousins become better men, especially the type they would want to marry.

  36. 'Midé

    January 7, 2014 at 3:23 am

    About time you dumped this silly script about egoistical men. Men are men, they are your relatives : fathers, brothers, cousins and nephews. The men that are promoting this transactional sexual relationships are where older men, your older brothers, your dads, and your older cousins. They are the ones taking advantage of the poor and poverty stricken younger women that want to look like the independent women. Gbemi should first go home and preach to her male relatives.

  37. daty

    January 7, 2014 at 5:27 am

    chai…..oh God wat a generation. do the youth of dis days think at all, can u imagine the kind of comment ppl write the world is so full of vanity we all forget dat we wld die one day and LV/CHLOE bag wldnt not go wit u, wats stops us from living a good moral life does it mean dat becos ur parents are poor or rich the same wld happen to you, you hav to work out your own destiny. we love money so much in Nigeria that we hav sold our conscience doin the right thing seems wrong and doin the wrong thing seems right,thats y our leaders are d way they are if the youth that are described as the leaders of tomorrow think like this wat wld become of tomorrow do we even think bout what society we wanna leave for our children….most times wen I read comments on blogs by Nigerians I wonder where we are heading to and to come to think of it almost every street in dat country has either a church or a mosque so what do we listen to wen we are sitted there…oh GOD. pls Nigerian youths most especially the celebrities that are meant to be a champion of change instead of promoting crime,nudity,lawlessness,materialism etc its time for a change if not for us,but for our children

  38. Lanre Girl

    January 7, 2014 at 11:59 am

    One thing we must first accept is this; by virtue of the fact that there are less men than women in Nigeria not every woman will get married. Your chief life-goal as a man or woman is to be complete and content with yourself and your ‘God’. Remember marriage is 1+1=1, not 1/2 +1/2. Insane but true. Give for the giving not the getting. If you want to buy a woman dinner, buy it because you want to make her feel special or because she may be hungry. Not because you expect a blow-job in the car afterwards. Ladies, if you know you do not like a guy in the way he wants you to, don’t lead him on. Let him know asap, “I don’t like you that way. I will not sleep with you.” If he still decides to flog you with gifts et al, na im know. And he decides to walk away, make im waka. Be fulfilled in all that you do and you will find your happiness. Your happiness is not in a man’s pocket or his boxers(not that there haven’t been some happy tales inside some boxers, lol). ‘Nuff said.

  39. Kike

    January 7, 2014 at 8:06 pm

    Mide!!Are you that pained or what, you dont need to bring Gbemi’s dad into this. No wonder most ladies have mortgage their destiny for material things, they keep paying till they drop dead. Sleeping around just bags, shoes, hair. For the fact that you come from a poor home does not mean you should start f…..g anything thats f..kable.

    • 'Midé

      January 8, 2014 at 3:57 pm

      Abegi no 2 shout ma name, Kikelomo se jeje o.

  40. babygiwa

    January 8, 2014 at 9:45 pm

    As a young lady I believe in working hard to get the things that I want. And not all men r bad.

  41. poisefreak

    January 9, 2014 at 10:30 pm

    She is right though, sex is really not as important as we have made it in this generation. If a guy feels he has too much money to spend, spend it. It sure does not mean you should expect sex in return. Same goes for the lady, except of course she is a prostitute. The best thing for a lady is to be financially independent, because whether one like it or not, a real ass man would not want to get stuck with a liability. Besides, what if you depend so much on a man and he dies young? What happens then? Have sex because you want to, not because you want to be “kind” to that “generous” dude. People should stop using people and grow the fuck up.

  42. Amaka

    January 11, 2014 at 3:46 pm

    The “gold diggers are winning” in the short run but I don’t think it is sustainable.
    I feel we should all work hard irrespective of gender, give freely and not of necessity!

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